Good Guys - We Survived a Missile Warning, a Slingshot, & LeBron Drama in the Hamptons

Episode Date: July 16, 2026

Mazel morons! Is eating behind the wheel actually more dangerous than drunk driving? Ben makes a case that's impossible to ignore - and Josh might agree more than he lets on. We're back from the brand new Hamptons studio for a packed episode covering everything wrong with dinner parties, the wildest July 4th on record, and whether LeBron James is about to blow up the Knicks. What are ya nuts?! Write us! Send your messages to [e-mail]  Follow us on Instagram and TikTok!  Sponsors: Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Produced by Dear Media. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following podcast is a dear media production. Two Jews, both big and tall, no subject, too small for the good guys. A mother's dream, premium podcast team, make it your weekly routine, it's a good guys. And if you don't give us five stars, what are you nuts? What are you nuts? Yeah, we're the good guys. We're not the great guys. We're just so good a good guy.

Mazumorans, welcome back to the Good Guys podcast. Josh, I mean, look at this studio behind me. There's a piano. Can you see the piano or is it out of frame? I don't know, but Josh. Oh, it's way in frame. We are, in case you want me to hop on the piano, play a couple of heart and soul.

I could play you heart and soul. But folks, we're here in the Hamthons. I don't know if you remember. I'm sure that you do remember. If you watch this podcast, the last couple of summers, I'm not going to lie to you. I did my best to make it look good, but it didn't. It didn't look good.

So we decided, you know, This is the biggest podcast in America. We need a real studio. So we're here in a real studio in the Hamptons. And let me tell you, Josh, it just feels so great to be here with you virtually in the Hamptons. I have so much to talk to you about, but you've already given me the perfect segue because you're the perfect co-host. When is it acceptable to play an acoustic song at a gathering? Ever?

And how good do you have to be? So here's the thing. I'm so happy you brought this up. I think if you're too good, it might never be appropriate. If you're really, really, really, really good, then you're just stunting on people. Then it turns into a concert.

That's no longer a gathering. You're here at the concert. I think that if you're mid-level good, you know, you got some talent. I think outdoors, only, some type of campfire environment, maybe bonfire by the beach. If I'm coming to your house for a dinner party and you start playing the piano, I'm leaving.

Totally. I'm leaving. Yeah. I'm leaving. I didn't sign up to hear your narcissistic ass play the piano for your guests. We don't want it. Did you go to a party recently where this happened? Is that why you're bringing this up?

No, I've just had to endure it a lot. Really? That's a big Hollywood thing then. It's big. I've had it once and it's brutal. The only thing worse would be if someone brought out their sorado or like their turntables, it was like, I wanted to give you guys a little taste in my DJ set and it goes a little something like, eh, what, it what, boom, like, that would be, that would be insane. I always wanted to make a TikTok or a reel of like, you know how they're always listening like this? Yeah. While they're DJing.

But like, because ostensibly they're like, they're like, you know, listening to the next track to try to fade in. But like, what if they were just listening to like, you know, I don't know, Joe Rogan be like, don't be a pussy, don't be a pussy. I want to know what they're listening to. They're listening to nothing. They're all faking. Real DJs don't do that.

Real DJs don't even have headphones. Real DJs are just viling it up. They're just playing, Josh. Aren't they just playing? What are they listening to? Well, like people like Diplo or or Steve Ayoki, they make their own music, so they're not cross-fating.

I mean, they are, but they're playing music that they created. They're playing music. They're playing music. They go from one to the next. They press stop. they press play. I don't know. I don't know, Josh. But yeah, if you, if I go to your house and you start playing the piano, it's always Frank Sinatra, isn't it? You're always playing Frank Sinatra too on the piano, and I just want you to know, you're probably a billionaire. That's typically

where it happens. I don't want to hear it, Josh. I agree with you. It's a huge what are you nuts. You invite me over for a concert. You invited me over for a dinner party. It's almost always men. It's always a guitar and then women, it's riffs. If a woman can sing, in my experience, it's like an uninvited riff. No one asked for this riff, this vocal acrobatics, right? And then if a guy, it's almost like, if your name is Gavin, Trevor, you know, Johnny and you're under 35 and you know more than four chords on the guitar. It's like they can't, it's like a magnet draws them to the guitar wherever it is.

Like, first of all, if they bring it, that's Woody and Nuts. But then if they see an instrument, if you see an instrument at someone else's house, you're not allowed to, this is my Woody and Nuts early. If you see an instrument at someone else's house, don't touch it. Leave it alone. No one asked you. And even if you're pretty good. It's uncomfortable.

And Josh, if you see an instrument at the airport, leave it alone. 100%. The piano's not there for you, Jim, at 6 in the morning. It's not there for you. Josh, this has happened on a couple of occasions. We've gone to somebody's house, and they've asked Claudia to sing. It's crazy. That's a what are you nuts too.

She's not there to perform. She's there for dinner. They'll be like, oh, you know what? I heard you have a pretty great voice. Want to hear something? And I'm, of course, like the stage mom, I'm like, sing, sing, sing. And it's terrible. We always end up leaving the party.

She's like, what the fuck? Why did you encourage me to sing? I'm not supposed to be singing. I was invited to dinner. Why am I singing? I think it's happened at least four times. It's so crazy. And even, oh, I'm going to get dragged for this one because you know I love my beloved Stamos.

And he's obviously a proper musician. He plays with one of the greatest groups to ever exist. But this is like a big thing at his house. And I, you know, he'll have parties and stuff. And they'll start jamming. And it's Stamos on the drums. And it's like, and it's his buddies and they're all proper good musicians. But what it sounds like is a pretty good cover band.

Not the best cover band I have heard. And you're indoors. And you're indoors. sometimes you're indoors, sometimes you're outdoors, but it's like a pretty good cover band. And I'm like, I'd really like to hear the original, I think, maybe. I really like to hear it on a CD. I was watching, I love that he said that.

I was watching a TikTok, I think it was like from an Alesso set or something. And he brought on, you know, like his best songs have a lead vocalist. And he brought one on stage. and what are you nuts for me is when they bring on the singer on stage in an EDM concert, Josh, because they never sound good and the vocals, the whole set is pre-recorded. It's not like he is, he's pressing play. So when they bring her in to sing her actual vocals,

oh, it sounds terrible. Totally. It sounds terrible. And if only, they just played the actual song that they recorded 10 times better. I couldn't agree with you more. And you also set me up for something I observed the other day, which was they gave the great, the iconic, the incomparable Lauren Hill,

this beautiful lifetime achievement award, beautiful concert as they do. Here's what I realize. What's wrong with these concerts? Someone like Lauren Hill, who literally has an angel in her throat. Like the gift that she has been given, one of my favorite artists. and the women and the people that they brought in to cover and tribute her music, they're wonderful musicians in their own right, but they don't compare to her. So I have to listen to her amazing music sung not as good as her.

And I'm like, this is a gift. This is some tribute. Like when Carol King won the Kennedy Center honor, Carol King, who's Jewish excellence, but she's written a lot of music that she didn't sing herself. She wrote for other people. She wrote, you make me feel like a natural woman. And so Aretha Franklin came out,

and it's one icon doing a tribute to another icon, and it was like, it brought down the fucking house. Like, it was beyond, but that's rare. Very rare. Very rare. I think we should keep complaining. This is good. I'm going to throw another complaint back. Go, go, go. All right. So this weekend, July 4th weekend, Josh.

I don't know if you heard, but on Long Island and in other parts of New York, there was a very, very, very dramatic, very, very quick weather warning that came out, okay? It was 9.30 at night. We got one of the national weather services, like the ping to your iPhone that you get when there's a missing child, like an amber alert. And it was, I took a screenshot so I could read it to you, okay? This is an imminent threat alert, National Weather Service, severe thunderstorm warning in effect for this area until 945, just 15 minutes, until 945 for destructive 80 mile per hour winds, take shelter immediately in sturdy building away from windows, flying debris may be deadly to those caught without shelter, go to the lowest part of your home. One second later, we're watching TV, one second later, all the power cuts. All the power cuts. I sprint upstairs because Ruby's upstairs, and they said,

go to the lowest level. I'm sprinting upstairs. All of a sudden, you know, I take a look outside. I'm like, it's really not that bad. It's fine. It's not, I don't see any flying debris. There's a little thunder. There's a little lightning.

It's nothing. I almost had a heart attack. And then I think to myself, Ben, where are your parents? You know, you spent the day with your parents, but where are they? You know, they're... probably out gallivanting somewhere.

You should probably check on them. I give my parents a call. They're outside, Josh. They're outside. And they're having a very different experience. My dad is having trouble walking. There's debris flying everywhere. They get into their car.

And there's like trees, like not crashing in front of them, but they see trees blocking them as they're driving. I'm talking to them on the phone. I'm like, are you okay? They're like, my mom is freaking out. My dad is just like cracking jokes, eating popcorn. He's like, this is, I'm watching your mother, which is one movie,

and then I'm watching what's going on in front of me, and that's another movie, and he's eating popcorn as my mom drives. And they get home safely. I'm having my Orville Redenbocker, Benjamin. Basically. Your mother is totally famished. Meanwhile, I'm over here with my kettle corn. She was totally famished.

She was, and she also loves, I mean, she, She loves a dramatic story, too. So I'm sure that it was bad. But she obviously told it as if they were going to die. Ava's over here with her smart pop. What's it called? Smart Pop. Skinny Pop, Skinny Pop.

I think Smart Pop was also a brand, though. Ava's all for bringing while I'm over here downing Skinny Pop. Oh, this Garrett's, you know, this Garret. from Chicago, Benjamin. Oh, is this good? This cheta caramel. Too caloric. Too caloric.

My ozepic will only allow two handfuls. It says shunda, Benjamin. Oh, my God. But yeah, I thought they were going to die. And they didn't die. But I thought it was a witty you nuts. Totally. For the weather service to do this.

And then in the morning, I go to my local bagel store. And all anybody can talk about is this warning. So I'm talking to the cashier. I'm like, believe this warning. She's like, yeah, thank God. I was on a boat. And then I realized, you know, they can't personalize the messages. It's 9.30 at night on July 4th.

Just because I'm a loser sitting at home on my couch doesn't mean that the other 95% of Long Island aren't out near water, on boats, wherever they are. Most people are outside on July 4th at 9.45. Sure. So it then made me realize that not everything's about me and maybe it doesn't know what are you nuts, but it scared me. This episode of The Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at IM8. Folks, IM8 is really just a splendid dose of all of the things that you're missing. And what's fun is that you don't even know what you're missing and you don't need to know what you're missing because they fill in nutrient gaps.

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disclaimer, these statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Staples. Folks, do you know how excited I was when I saw that Staples was a sponsor? Not only have I been shopping at Staples for 34 years. Yeah, that's right. As an infant, I was buying Stapler. Let me tell you, Staples is the most wonderful store.

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They can get everything at Staples, folks. Staples has it all. It's the most wonderful time of the year. It's Staples. Folks, to shop the most wonderful deals for school. Check out Staples.com slash good guys. folks, it's the most wonderful time of the year at Staples. In Hawaii, was there a brief, like, less than 30-minute nuclear attack or missile attack warning that was received on phones?

I remember hearing someone famous talk about how they briefly thought everything was over. But I'm also on the podcast right now. So come through for me, Chad. I need you big, big, big. And we'll have our therapy session later because I need you to tell me that I'm going to be okay. We should have chat on the podcast. We should as a guest. As a guest.

That would be amazing. I wonder how they would be as a guest. Worth a shot. Ah, okay. On January 13th, 2018, everyone in Hawaii received an emergency alert on their phones at red, ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter.

This is not a drill. For the next 38 minutes, people genuinely believe they might have less than 15 to 20 minutes to live if a missile had actually been launched. Crazy, right? And what was it? A mistake? It was, I guess it was a mistake.

Or a hacker? And then an all-clear message didn't arrive until 38 minutes later. I think it was Jim Carrey, maybe talked about it. Oh, my God. I mean, I really did have a mini heart attack when I didn't, I didn't think to my myself, what do you think 80 mile per hour wins is? What do you think that does to you? 80, 80 sounded very high. But what do you think that does to you? I think it's good and fast. I don't think it could lift you up off your feet. It can't. It can't. You're right. No. It makes it

hard to walk. You might fall. But like in my head, when I received that warning, I felt like I was in the Wizard of Oz and Dorothy. I was like, oh my God, I'm about the house. is going to and no that's i can't i don't know what mile per hour that has to be but 80 mile per hours 80 miles per hour is just below category one hurricane is 100 miles per hour yeah yeah that's like that's a Thursday in florida that's what i'm saying category one see they they sound so dramatic category one hurricane 100 miles an hour i thought a hurricane 200 miles an hour i thought you're screwed my my My mother is in South Florida, as you know. And so, you know, when there is some hurricane activity, they go,

oh, my God, is your mom okay? I said, my mother is in a home. No, but she's in. She's in Fort Knox. She's good. Yeah, in an industrial, you know, proper. She's in prison. Yeah, it's a senior living, gigantic commercial building with apartments.

I'm like, they got generators for days. This is safer than if she was in the hospital. I'm like, maybe they might get a window crack. I'm laughing because imagine if this whole time your mom's just been incarcerated. I don't know for what. Well, yeah, I don't know for what, but I've never met her. I haven't seen her. We just hear that she's somewhere in Florida.

Yeah, in jail. Yeah. 100%. She's in a penitentiary. I'm in the whose cow, Josh. They sent me up the river and I do not like what I am getting for lunch. They keep sending me for chow. It should not be called chow.

It should be called, ugh. Joshy, I had the most fabulous radiator ramen today. Fabulous. Let me tell you, I've been playing more gin than I ever played in my life. And I have a nice pruno at night. You know, toilet wine? Speaking of gin, I'm playing so much mahjong. And let me tell you, this game is fabulous.

It's taken over. Is Paige playing mahjong? Her friends are. She's not. But her friends are. I don't know. Maybe it's, I think it's a Yiddisha thing. No, it's gone way past it.

Okay. It's become huge. This company, Oh my Mahjong, is making board, selling them for $5.50 a pop. They're very aesthetic, and everyone is playing mahjong. It's crazy. It's taken over. So much so that Claudia is having a Mahjong themed birthday party. But this is a great game.

This is a combination of Chinese rummy. That's what it is, with little pieces instead of cards. China. So fun. Speaking of China, July 4th, how was it? What did you do? is that because most fireworks are made in China? I just think America 250.

I think of Trump. I think of the USA. I think of our troops. I don't know. It just brought me back, you know. July 4th was wonderful. You know, every year my in-laws do this beautiful party with so many, you know, wonderful games and things. And they live on this big walk street towards the beach, a block on the beach.

So they invite the whole community. It's, you know, 50 to probably 75 people. who wind up coming throughout the day. And it's my son, Max, it's the highlight of his year. Because he basically never puts a shirt on. He goes bodyboarding or boogie boarding for two and a half hours. Then he throws down about four hot dogs. And then he lights off about $300 worth of fireworks.

And then the one thing that I think I've told you, the one thing that my in-laws do, which is totally mushuga, because they are literally the most of, most what I look up to them about is that they are so polite and amenable that they're very rarely like even if they disagree with something they'll just kind of go with it because they'll be like to what end am I going to you know take a stand and they very much follow the rules in like a nice refreshing way but they do this thing every 4th of July and it makes me laugh because

I'm such a yid I'm like the legality of this is horrible They take a massive slingshot and they fill up about 100. Oh, yeah, you told me this. They shoot them at people. It's crazy. It's crazy. What are you nuts? It's a huge, what are you're nuts.

It's huge. And people down at the beach are walking up and so they see them coming and so they start like, but okay, we've once had this old Jewish grandmother come up and fucking lose it where I literally had to be like, Mamala, it's okay. Like you got to calm down. I know these Gentiles. They're nuts. Like I'm speaking in Yiddish to calm her down.

The police have come once. And then this year, some guy, it must have been drunk, went like this to accept the water balloon into his mouth. He wanted to catch it in his mouth. It busted his teeth. He came up with blood in his mouth. He was like, you guys hit me in the mouth. We're like, well, you kind of asked for it.

So I'm expecting them to be served with some kind of civil injunctions. Yeah, that's a small. suit that's a small suit okay fun but yeah that is nuts really fun though that's like when i i told you this story marty grah five years ago i got a little bit too drunk and i was just slinging those beads everybody slings beads but i was on a balcony and i was slinging beads i was probably hurting people i don't know 10 minutes so were you getting flashed oh everybody was flashing really did every oh yeah no the streets were flashing everybody me and claudy are up with We were with Captain Morgan at the time.

What did I say five years ago? This was over 10 years ago, for sure. And we're up on these balconies on Bourbon Street. And I am taking these beads like I am a sniper. And I am slinging them. And I'm watching them. Like, they're being pelted. I'm pelting people in the back with beads.

Like, not nice. Not cool whatsoever. And all of a sudden, incoming. Huh. I thought I was shot in the chest. somebody threw their red, frozen icy from the balcony across. It hit me straight in the chest.

I thought I was shot. I looked down, it's red, I'm gushing. I really, I thought I was shot. And then it smelled like cherry and I knew I was good. Do you think they knew, like they saw you hucking with these bees? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

No, this was an intentional hit. They saw me and they're like, this fucking asshole, we're going to end him. And I got exactly what I, what I deserved. And I neglected to mention that it was me, Claudia, the captain from Captain Morgan and Mia Khalifa. Mia Khalifa? Yes. Former porn star. Back when she was just a run-of-the-mill porn star.

And how was she nice? Lovely. Good for her. Big fan. Anyway. Okay, so what did you do for the... Wait, wait. I am thinking about breasts still.

Okay. Did you know, and we can ask chat this as well, that I guess, unfficially it's legal on Bourbon Street during Mardi Grott to flash your breasts. But if you are a man and you flash any part of you, go to jail right away. Your shirt too? Like if you take off your shirt

No shirt's fine But like if you were to like take out your hog Dick? That makes sense No it makes a jail I don't know Yeah breasts are different Breasts are just

It's very European Yeah breasts are different They're not like If you have a girl Just like spreading her legs And showing you her couter She should go to jail The same way that yeah

If you just have horny John on the street walking around with a boner. We got to get him out of here. We don't need him there. But if you just have Teresa on a girl's trip, just, I don't know, with the nipple tassels, just having a good time, she's harmless. But maybe a victor feels so inclined

because he's all, you know, laced up on giant red dafferies. And the ladies are like, show us your, you know, placid hog. And he's like, fine, I will appease you. you, you know, people. If he was taunted, I think it's a different story.

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Greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy. Includes up to 20 gigabyte hotspot. Capable device required. Availability, speed, and coverage varies. Seamintmobile.com for details. So what did you do for the fourth? cooked so much you know I'm here whole family's here and the second that we get here I become that guy that I love Kevin Ashton the sorority chef on TikTok like I'm just like cooking huge full meals but fourth of

July we did burgers we did dogs we did chicken we went to the pool um pushed ruby on the beautiful bucket swing walked around went to some farmers markets like it's just it's just so relaxing out here it's so nice and it's like different like everybody's has in their heads because of like what they see on TikTok. It's like this big party scene and it's like yeah if you want to go to Montauk and you want to seek out the parties you can but otherwise it's really relaxing.

We did go to just for like 45 minutes we went to a crane club party which is Tao Group Noah Teperburg Friday night at this insane house in Sagaponic

and this was like it was two days after Michael Rubin's White Party, which I'm sure you saw, like every celebrity in the world goes to that party. So I thought there'd maybe be some celebrity sightings. And this is a, this is a serious party. Carl Anthony Towns was there. Cat? Big Cat? But it was so hot. It was so hot we had to leave. But yeah, Big Cat was there. Carl Anthony Towns. Uh, Noah, who else was there? Jesse Solomon. Noah Tepperberg. Oh, who is that? John. Noah owns Tau Group with Jason. Okay.

It's his partner. Jason Strauss, the great Jason Strauss. John Schwartz was there who works with them. Who else was there? So many people were there. I don't know why I'm forgetting everybody but Carl Anthony Towns, but Carl Anthony Towns, like seeing him, for those that don't know, center of the New York,

the now championship of New York Knicks, just like seeing him there, I'm like, oh, wow! Like that was, it was pretty crazy. Yes, we did that. Speaking of basketball, what do we think? about LeBron leaving the Lakers and possibly joining one more team, one more time.

Look, me and you were both Kobe guys, okay? No matter what, there's Kobe fans and LeBron fans. I don't know how it happened, but that's how it happened. I can appreciate LeBron. Let me just say that first and foremost. Probably the greatest

athlete of all time. You have to put longevity into the equation at some point. And what he's able to do at 40 years old. I read something that he's played against guys that were born in 2006 and 1966. Like there was like some crazy

like the his career is just so unbelievably impressive. That said he just always feels so narcissistic and he feels so pick me and with all these, first it was the decision, nationally televised,

yanked the chain of New York Nick fans went to Miami. Like he can't just do it normally. He has to make it a publicity stunt. He has to have Rich Paul leak. Here are the top 10 teams that he could consider. And then we all talk about it and it's all a big thing. And I guess I can't fault him for being a great marketer. But Jordan wouldn't do this.

Kobe wouldn't do this. Basketball players don't do this. This is, he's a media mogul. He's beyond the sport. But it bothers me. I don't know where I think he should go. I think it would be way cooler if he just, like, won with his current team. He is Luca Donchich.

I guess he's entitled to not like Los Angeles, just like other people don't like Los Angeles. Like, maybe he doesn't want to live there anymore. And he's earned the right to be able to do that. I don't want him on the Knicks. I'll tell you that. Don't break up this fucking team. Don't do that.

Don't you dare do that. I don't know why you do. I don't know how you take. a winning formula, a winning recipe, and add in someone who would take up the air in the room. Deservedly and undeservedly, regardless. I mean, he is, as you said, the great. But I don't know why you would ever mess with that chemistry.

I think that it depends on what type of owner you are. Are you an owner that chases dollars? Because you have LeBron James. You're never going to sell more jerseys. You're never going to sell more tickets. Like, LeBron just raises, a thousand percent raises the value of the team. Even if the Knicks are here, it goes here from a dollars and cents perspective. But I think Dolan won.

The Knicks are on fire. The gardens on fire. Tickets couldn't be more expensive. So I hope he does the right thing and doesn't do it. But I would get it from an owner's perspective why you'd want LeBron James. But I think he should go. I'd love to see him in Miami. I know he already played for the heat

But to go there They just got Janus They have Bam All of a sudden this could be like a new cool super team I'd love to see them in Minnesota Minnesota hasn't won a championship in so long You don't want to see him do his final year in Cleveland I don't

Join the great James Hardin Heavy set James Hardin Yeah he's heavy set Big Body J Oh this actually is a perfect segue But I don't want to stop this Just stop it if you want Who cares?

don't care about basketball. The people that listen to us got bigger problems, like Majan and, you know, GLP1. Literally, Josh, the DUI, look, drinking and driving. Let's start there. Okay. Very illegal. Not a good thing to do. Don't drink and drive. It's not legal, but it's also just classless. It's dangerous. Loserish. On my way over here, I was eating sushi and driving. I was driving slow. Not illegal, but Josh, I would argue that eating sushi and driving is more dangerous than drinking and driving. Depends on the roll. It depends on how much.

It depends on the roll. I was eating with my hands, but it depends on the roll and it depends on how much you were drinking. But I'm just saying the idea of drinking and driving, you're very rarely drinking and driving. You've drunk and drove, right? Unless you're a complete idiot that wants to be pulled over. You're not drinking a beer while you drive. Listen, you don't call my friends idiots, okay? They're called suffering alcoholics.

They're not drinking while they're driving. They drank and they drove. I'm eating and driving. And I often eat and drive. Sandwich drive. Chips drive. Sushi drive. Why isn't that illegal?

Because it would really take away a lot of my fun. Oh, so you eat and drive too. Eat and drive. When I'm going to a college appearance, I remember I was doing one at the University of Rhode Island. So I rented myself a nice Chrysler Pacifica, beautiful minivan. Wow, beautiful.

Really luxury. I stayed in Boston. So they have the famous canoli shops, Mike's canoli. These places are unbelievable. I mean, my favorite thing, these dense, beautiful Italian desserts that you can only get,

especially in New England, but on the East Coast. I'm ripping canoles, vaping, and third, in third place is driving. Okay. I remember someone was like,

rolled down your window. I was like, oh my God, like this person's about to give me a hard time. They're like, we're going to see you at the college. They said,

okay. They were like, you okay? I was like, no. Not even close. You're okay It's like right before you go into the birthday party

You see the clown smoking a cigarette Right Just ripping darts You okay? No Otherwise I wouldn't be here with you I wouldn't be here I'd be somewhere else

No I'm not okay It's so hard Is anybody okay Josh Is anyone okay Is anyone okay? considering we're in the matrix like we're basically at the end of the first act of the matrix and you're basically choosing you know what's what's hard for me is i vacillate between you know this is meaningless right josh you know you'll be forgotten right josh you know that this is just like a weird simulation if anything right josh so don't care about anything don't become emotionally tied to anything josh and i go you're right me and then i go god do i want that recurring role on Riba. Look, like, and then the, what's it called, like, the desires of the flesh, like,

and then I just get caught up in the bullshit that, like, I know is meaningless. You? I know, I know. And it's just the irony of the more you seem to really want something, the less likely it is to happen. And the second you forget about whatever you really wanted, It happens. Right.

This episode is brought to you by Starbucks. Josh, have you ever seen a more gorgeous beverage? Do you know what this is? First of all, it's the summer. I'm ready to enjoy myself, but I need a cold drink to define me. So I'm all in just a disclaimer, go Ben. This tropical butterfly refresher is honestly like an award-winning painting. I've never seen anything like it.

I feel like I'm in East Hampton. It's 8 o'clock. I turned to my wife. I said, let's go to the beach. Let's prioritize us. And all of a sudden, I see this drink. This is, this is it, Josh. This is a happy summer. This is a happy summer. And you know what? You're in East Hampton. I'm in the carpool line at my kids camp. My wife's frustrated with me. We've been dealing with, I can't tell you what. But the truth is, I go, I need a little something to pep up my day. Tropical Refresher. Boom. It's gorgeous. This is the pep in this. This is the pep in my.

my step that I need. Josh, can we give this a taste? Let me try this. Too late. Too late. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. It is so freaking good. Oh my God. Are you getting those guava and passion fruit flavors coming through? That's exactly what I'm getting. This is I had a belly passion fruit. You know what? They are actually, I think they're mango pineapple flavored pearls. Oh my god. Oh my God. I mean it makes drinking button, right? Like I'm so tired of just like hitting the straw, getting the liquid. I want a little something like a little surprise, you know? This is the most delicious drink I've ever had. And if you want yours, you can order it on the Starbucks app. Every day, I wake up, I put my order on the app.

I go there. It's ready. This was literally ready. This drink is literally your summer cheat code. It's tropical. It's refreshing. Like us. I got a nice thank you here. Sometimes I get a, you know, like a little inspirational quote. Oh, Starbucks, wow. Delicious. So good. Unlock all the best summer memories with the tropical butterfly refresher

at Starbucks. That's the part that's so... I don't understand it. I know it has something to do with energy. I'm not trying to be hocus pocus here. I don't know how it works. I'm just saying that whenever I focus really hard on wanting something,

and that's not saying anything that's actually in your control, going to the gym, eating, anything you can control is 100% hard work, that's it. But anything outside your control, like getting cast for a part, you can be amazing. It doesn't mean you're going to get the role. And it seems that the more you focus on getting the role, the harder it is to get the role. But when you don't focus on it, you just go do a great audition. You don't check up with your agent. They call you and say you got it. I don't know that for sure. I just know that that's the way that the world seems to work for me in other regard.

So I assume it works for you that way too. And I don't know why that is. So yeah, I think that we're great, but I do think that the collective should focus a little bit more on the truly important things, knowing that if we focus less on the less important things, they'll happen anyways. Does that make sense? It does. Specifically about entertainment and what I do,

I think what's maddening is that if you were in sports and you were truly great and you had statistics to support the fact that you are really, really good, there's no world in which an NBA team says, yeah, but we don't like his luck. But with acting... They could say, though, Josh, I don't like his attitude.

I don't like... I don't like the influence that his friends have on him. That happened with John Morant. Let's take John Morant. John Morant, for those that don't know, was one of the greatest, highest rated prospects ever. He was drafted second in the draft with Zion Williamson, went to the Grizzlies,

and the people around him were just like gang members. Like, he was just, like, always caught with firearms. They were, like, he was in the wrong crowd. But what about his eyes? You're leaving out that he might have had ops. Don't forget the ops. He can't. He was in the wrong crowd.

And Josh, he became, you don't hear about him anymore. The media stopped talking about him. His contracts aren't as big as they should have been. But he plays. He plays. Because he's so, but he's like, he's so talented. He's so talented. Like, he should be.

be the guy. There was another guy that I remember. He played for, this is a very special circumstance, but he played for the rockets, and he was afraid of flying. Hell yeah. This guy was like an unbelievable prodigy, but he was afraid of flying,

and he can't fucking play in the NBA. If you can't get on a plane, you have to go to places. Not the same thing, but like, or if an owner is. He's an annex. Yeah, totally. Or more, like, there's something harder than a Zanx.

Have somebody tranquilize you and you'll wake up there. You know, this might be an urban legend, but I heard that about, you know, Whoopi Goldberg famously was terrified of flying. And so she would take a tour bus all over America for whatever dates or things, engagements that she had. And then obviously she has a stunning, gorgeous palatial house in Saddle River, New Jersey. Saddle River. Saddle River. Have you ever heard the Chris Rock bit about Saddle River?

No. I think he said something to the effect. of like, I live in Saddle River, New Jersey. Like, no, he goes, he's like, he says, I live in Saddle River, New Jersey. He's like, my neighbors are Eddie Murphy, arguably one of the greatest comedic talents to ever live. He goes, and Mary J. Blige, arguably one of the greatest

R&B singers to ever live. He goes, you want to know what my white neighbor does? He's a dentist. Yeah, I've heard this, yeah. It's so good. It's so good. I hear what you're saying about the NBA thing, and I agree. We know that to be true about every business, but especially entertainment.

Like, there is the, you know, life is too shortless. I think Vince Vaughn went through that for a while where it's just like certain people start to get a reputation where despite being seemingly talented, they get put in a time. out, for sure. But let's assume that it doesn't have to do with attitude or, you know, we don't like how they're going to be for the culture of the team. Like, in acting, you could be the best person for the part and yet like a better actor than the rest, but physically looks wise, your, your value as, as an actor just doesn't compute with the equation that they're putting together and you don't get the part. I think that's what's uniquely. maddening about this business is that, and it's really acting, right? Because like if you're a singer,

if you're a painter, if you're a different kind of creative, you could really do it on your own. But as an actor, you're asking to be put into the recipe of someone else's thing. You're a cog in their wheel. It's not a sole performance. It's really a team sport. And they might go, you are the best and you still don't get it. And that's where I see. That's why I feel so grateful to have this, to have social media, to be able to host things and to write and all the other things I do, because I think if I just had acting, I would have lost my mind long ago. And as an athlete, they literally can tell you at 30 or 35, like, stop trying. You can't anymore. But as an actor, you could say at 60, like, I bet if I just went to the right acting

class. I could be Judd Hirsch. You know, I could be the hits. You know what I mean? Does that make sense? It makes perfect sense. The arts are super subjective, which is what makes it art. And so the only thing that I disagree with is that the same thing

doesn't happen to a singer or something. It does. I think that we have shows like the voice and like American Idol, which really allow particularly, not to always bring it back to fat people, but give really fat people a chance

to show that their voices are really fucking good. Like, I think that more often than not, you need the whole package as a singer. When you're coming up, they're not just looking for somebody with an amazing voice. More often than not, actually, they don't want the perfect voice. They want the full stage

presence. They want the Christine Aguilera. Believe me, there are people with better vocals than Britney Spears. But Britney Spears had everything. Yes, stark quality. Star quality, because in the end of the day, it's the same exact thing as what you're doing. They're building people up.

They can even take somebody that is very moldable and put them in that position. That's like what entertainment and Hollywood does. But yeah, there are people with way better voices than every musician currently in the top 10. Way better. That will never, ever, ever be successful musicians. That's also by TikTok super cool.

because I'll stumble upon, again, really fat people with really great voices. Like, the best. Sometimes the best voices, yeah. I would love to have like an E&T or like an audiologist or like a vocal, like, because heavy set people have like better voices. They do, they do. They do.

It might also just be that when you hear a big, big mama sing, you just like, you're so, you get so much more excited. Like, can you imagine? I would bet you if Teddy Swims went on a GLP3, you know, read a true tide, what go, V, one of these, it wouldn't be, you know, it wouldn't have that deep, deep, wouldn't have that deep deep. We're watching it right now in real time happen to Jelly Roll. Jelly Roll's career is over.

No, don't say that. He might be happy and skinny. Yeah, Josh, being fat was a big thing for him. Like, that's why he was so relatable. I don't know. Like, that's intentional. Is that what happened to me? That's why I stay poorly.

That's why I don't lose the last 20. I want to remain relatable, Josh. It has nothing to do with willpower. So true. You are a man of the people. Okay, my very, very quick, very stupid Woody and Nuts, Josh. You walk into a coffee shop, okay? Get yourself your nice ice coffee. and they say room for milk.

Scam! What are you nuts? No, I don't want room for milk. Room for milk implies that on the side, there's milk, half and half, and skim milk. They're all of the accoutrements for my coffee. Why the hell would I want room? I can take a sip down. What are you trying to give me less coffee?

What are you trying to shave a couple of pennies off of what you're doing? Now, if you were making my coffee in the back, then you'd create room for milk because you're putting in the milk yourself. Why would I want you to create room for milk for me. I'll take a sip. Scammers. What are you nuts? Tell them. So it's really, I think it's really a what are you nuts more on the people that say that, yeah, I'd love some room for milk.

You want half the coffee? What are you an idiot? And you know what? Keep your fucking ice, too. Sure. I'm down for that. I'm crowd my drink. I'll, you know what, give me a separate cup with ice and I'll add as needed. That's a genius plan. Ice as needed. Josh, this episode's five stars. Otherwise, what are you nuts? Listen to us. Whoever gets your podcast, watch us on YouTube,

share our clips. Most importantly, watch us on Spotify. Okay? Spotify, the video, through the roof. I think it's 4K. I don't know any of these things. Probably is probably $1,000. It looks fantastic.

It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. I have it vertical. I have it horizontal. I have it horizontal. Sometimes I can make myself seasick. I'm turning it so much.

It's so good. Mondays and Thursdays, folks, we will see you. Bar-a-p-ba-bow. Next time.