Grass Daddies Podcast - Episode 73: Meet in the middle

Episode Date: April 1, 2025

In this episode of the Grass Daddies podcast, Ben returns in full form and is joined by first time guest Nolan. The boys talk about almost having heart attacks, play a game that Jake and Nolan invented called "I went to scheels," and discuss in length post ejaculatory urine diversion. To wrap up the episode Ben and Nolan fill Jake in on the bar crawl they went on for "Early's" 21st birthday and the chaos that followed. SHANKITGOLF.COM Code:grass Follow us on Social Media! Youtube: grassdaddiespodcast Instagram: @grassdaddiespodcast @kamdenwellmann @jakekillham Tik Tok: @grassdaddiespodcast @kandenwellmann (yes that's how it's spelled) @jakekillham11

Well it's funny because it either has that effect or the after effect of the like the after that piss where it's like it'll just go straight like 45 degrees. So when I said we've all been there before that's what I was referencing. Oh I thought you were talking about I know what you were referencing. I said it's kind of like we've all been there. Oh well I thought you were talking about maybe like. I'm so glad you just organically referenced that. You just get one straight 45 and you get like a pitchfork. Oh, well, I thought you're talking about maybe like No, yeah, well not a get like four strings

I'll get a split stream. Yeah, it's like what do I I'll get a split finger. There's going everywhere but the toilet. Just like, uh... Are there cameras on planes? Oh, no. No. Not that I know of. So you, if someone was sleeping, you could like... and then pretend to be asleep? The only cameras on the phones. Remember the Burger King Crown guy? Oh yeah. I think I know what you're talking about. Didn't he have... I feel like his grievance was real and then he dropped that and then it was like, all right man. At what point was everyone like, yeah, leave the guy alone.

Whoa. Okay. Welcome to the I'll go fuck myself podcast. I thought I was I was letting you say someone has to but that's okay. You'll catch on. Please. I'm Jake and I'm a grass Eddie and I'm being joined by Ben and Nolan Ben playing the part of Spencer today as you are in second position I didn't tell you

where to sit I was gonna leave it up to you to see how you I do like opening the fridge you've never done that though I there was you've never been in me and Zane I was this chair you were in seat to the one where we were all wearing sunglasses shades on that was a fun episode Yeah, he was oh no. They weren't the fucking orange specs Move move your mic a little closer You ever done a podcast before you're good. You're good. Um you just seemed a little quiet my that's alright Yeah, I guess that seat, that's position two in the hierarchy. If it's your first time on, generally you get...

Oh, it's minority. No, well, a little bit. And like you've said, that's a nice seat because you have no responsibilities. It's a great seat, yeah. But it is fun being the first guy to see what the mini- has to produce, getting to open the doors a treat, getting to hand people drinks is fun. Now Spencer is like lickety split with the drinks. I don't know if he has a separate ambient sound mic under the table or something, but

it's like when he hears the empty can hit the table, it's like the fridge is already open. I'm like like how does he it's like is he even listening or is he just waiting for me to finish just a seasoned veteran yeah we like knows like the rack of a gun he's like yeah that was a 50 cow you just don't even need to see it or like that that kid that like here's an exhaust from like three miles away and this is like it's a camera well she's a nineteen like they know what it is for yeah uh...

you see a little kid knows every other john dear kid don't get me started on that you know i do you would think i would what the fuck are you kind of annoys me how like to just live his life i don't know he's just a little annoying I like you he acts though like he's buying the shit he's buying exactly your dad just bought you a whatever tractor exactly yeah cost me about bring me up about 500,000 like all right buddy a great dude work with the bag in a

those are the best Stern but fair Maybe part of it is I'm jealous that I couldn't have his childhood Yeah, and maybe part of it is also his like southern drawl. That's a little bit annoying, but he's like Are those the there's those a 3450 tires on that thing. I love to he's got a Pepsi can Pocket and he's like, yeah, so with that Pepsi can. He's got his combine and they're like 750,000 and he's just like But like and then there's like a billboard directly next to it that says everything that it is but I'm like, yeah No, I can just maybe I'm a hater I can respect the kid you like actually has social skills and can talk to people on well It's obviously like an interest of his. Yeah.

He's passionate. But at the same time it's like, shut the fuck up. You're a kid. Hater. You're not. Certified. Let's put a stamp on the certified hater right here. Am I wrong?

No, I've seen that in the comments section, people are like, what is this kid? this kid like he seems like I don't know where you're coming from But like I don't feel the same way. Okay. I guess my thing is like it's got a passion but he has the Privilege or ability to like geek out on tractors like that because he's probably from like a rich farming family can't blame him It's not his fault You know, he's right Guys into shit man, I don't know what to tell you

I just thought about saying something that was really awful, but I'm not gonna say it save that for the patreon Take that for the Patreon. Save that for the Patreon channel. Okay, all I'll say is this. You know how like Michael Jackson had to grow up and he said he never got a childhood? I'm just saying. Sometimes you gotta be a kid. Is that why he was like a big fan of like Macaulay Culkin? Trying to relive his? Let's open up this mini fridge and see what we got.

Let me knock on it. Oorah! That's some fucking tasty cheese. He hit us with an oorah! Alright, so we got, should I just bring them all in here? Let me knock on it. Ooh-rah! That's some fucking tasty cheese. Ooh-rah! You're eating us with a ooh-rah! All right, so we got, should I just bring them all out here? We got Miller Lite. Well, just... Here, can you display these for the...

Can I drink this one? Yeah, you can have that. Okay, cool. All right, so let me just tell you what we got. Just tell me what's in there and I'll ask for something. Twisted tea. Okay. Miller Lite.

Miller Lite. Bush Lite. Bush Lite. Bud...Bud...Daisels. Is there an entire beer section of a store back in there? What the fuck is going on? It seems like...what are these? Simply spiked cherry limeades.

Oooh, those are good. And then there's like a purple and a yellow. Give me one of those. Those are good. Okay, I'm gonna give you the cherry because it's the easiest one to get to. Okay. I'm gonna knock down the fuckin' whole thing. Alright, here we go.

There's for you, my friend. Now, I've recently been laying off the sauce, but what? What's up? So the limeades Bless what else blessed you I have I've recently been laying off the sauce quite a bit Passion fruit, but in order to keep my binding contract with the mini fridge. I do drink on the pod You did sell your soul to the mini for yes, I kind of yeah. Yeah, you're under its control every once in a while It will throw something non alcoholic alcoholic but that's usually when the co-host is a fucking pussy and doesn't like to drink. Or that one Monday episode at

noon. Did what the liquid IVs? Were you on that? Yeah. Did you do that? That was but was that after a fucking bender? I think so. That was after. Oh no, it was after a cams bachelor party, I believe. Oh, and you were on it? No, well, I was on the pot. I wasn't on the trip, but I was on the pocket. I think I got up the night before to in a different venue. The day ended in a why?

Let me think. I can't remember. I love how for a moment he actually was like, did it? I'm not sure if you can find in a why. Let me think. I can't remember. I love how for a moment, he actually was like, mmm, did it. Oh, is it Sunday? You were, were you getting the heart rate up out there a little

bit playing catch? You're, you look a little. I was, I'm a little sweaty. You're a little sweaty. The makeup girl wasn't in today so I couldn't get my, my touch up. I threw you a couple long range pop flies. Yeah. Playing some, are you playing some long toss out there? We were trying. Made him climb in the bush.

Blitz ball is a hell of a fucking. Were you playing with the blitz ball too? Yeah. Got some action on there. Almost moves as much as my regular pitches. Almost. It's got some action on there. It's got some late break.

It's kinda hard to get your glove in front of it. It's like catching a major league. Dude, it is. It really is. Yeah, I wish we could have found, I wish I knew our baseball is how much do baseballs go for nowadays? They're expensive, like nice ones, like a dozen nice baseballs. Like how much? Uh, I think one ball is like eight bucks, five to eight bucks. You shouldn't mean. Yeah. So I got my balls are like over a hundred dollars like right around hundred bucks those buckets that you can buy with like four dozen and yeah they're expensive like nice ones

you can go get like plastic cheap ones for whatever but sure you want like a nice Wilson a 1010 well I remember watching like the Sandlot and they're all like trying to scramble together 99 cents to get a baseball yeah to sign the babe Ruth on it. Baby Ruth? Right, but like, and I'm sure that was semi-accurate to the time. Yeah, wasn't that like 60s or 50s? I think it took place in the 50s.

Yeah, based in the 50s and like filmed in the 90s or something. I don't know when it was filmed, but yeah, like 99 cents for a baseball. Smokin' hot mom. Do you ever, um... Do you ever. Oh man. Do you ever fantasize about if you went back in time. Sorry.

To your first jerk. No, not back in the size. And I was thinking of Wendy peppercorn. I was like yeah. The moms pretty hot too. You're like yeah. I'm like you didn't hear what I was going to say. What is this about? Like going back in time to like the 50s when it was like a nickel for a burger, but with your current like salary and just being like...

I'd be a king. And just, would you, I don't know, maybe not rich, but like, no, I don't know. It's basically rich, yeah. I mean like you can outright buy houses back then for like what 30 or 40 thousand dollars yeah I don't know tell me making 15 an hour to be maybe God oh 15 hours like yeah yeah what are you a surgeon or something okay now let's reverse it what about guys that used to be doctors that made $15 an hour and then they have grandkids that are working at? Target going like I'm only getting a raise to 18 like are you that old man going?

surgery for fifteen dollars an hour and they died! Probably, I don't know. Dude, in 1950 physicians earned an average net income around eleven thousand dollars a year. What? So I'm making general practitioners way more than a doc doc I'd be fucking cashing in yeah I'm just a QB2 over here seventy five hundred bucks a year what?

seven hundred salary doctors earned seven thousand five hundred bucks a year oh seven thousand in the fifties? yeah fuck I wonder I could get a steak dinner for a quarter yeah steak and a baked potato just the American I was in a party with Trace not that Jesus you polished that off already sorry shaving off this tea I gotta make room in this fucking fridge what did we say this morning? Shaved off? I was trying to recall back today What'd you say shaved off the hot dogs? I shaved off a pizza Oh yeah, we thought it was so funny the way you said shaved off. I've never heard that

Because the way you said like oh I can finish one pizza Insinuated that was a lot. No no no no. I was trying to knock it back down to like No, the word you used to describe eating a whole pizza we just thought was funny I was like oh yeah I can shave off a large pizza anytime like I just I took a little off the top you know what I mean it's a bite-by-bite process shaving off the pizza or uh oh fuck this is this is really good oh yeah telling you dude you want to do a little taste swap here? I'm gonna do a wife swap. Yeah Yeah, okay, let's do it

That's all right. We're not married cherries pretty good Are you gonna buy the fucking turtle? Once listen sir money up Not a funny up Once she gets her money up Not her funny yet Why have you seen that okay? Thank God? I definitely know I definitely know I'm not so many. I'm definitely know. I'm not a boomer. There was no way I was

It's the real king of something yeah, oh the big deal don't do that Get your money up not your funny about pulls up like the fucking gallon of Patron and the most perfect tiger You're like all right the way I think I might know who that guy is. It does the roar. Oh No, cuz the guy walks up. He's like, yo, what's in the purse? It's not a purse. It's a something It's Fendi No, but the turtle. I don't know. That's not a question for me. That's alright. I'm just a mediator. I'm the middle man. So the deal with the turtle is Lena's ex got her that turtle. Right. And now it's almost like not a bird in per se but It's like a You have a living animal like an unwanted stepchild. It's basically the only reason it's not dead is because you have good morals

It's like, you know, it's almost like or in a pond you should put in a pot It's like the turtle is hairy and we're the Dursleys where Where we're taking him in and we don't like him. Right. I don't know, I kinda like him. I don't like taking care of him though. Yeah, it's fun to look at every now and again. You can't just take him to a random pond and drop him in there because if he's not like familiar with the area, he'll just like die.

Out of sight, out of mind. No, that's not cool. But... Just taking him and knowing he's going to die. That's basically the same as murder. What if he's doing the I got a proposition. You somehow like craft a slow feeder on that your bottle of food for him that just kind of releases pellets every now and then. And you just stra through his back. And so you can just always eat for like, I don't know, a couple weeks and then.

Until he finds his footing? Yeah, until he figures it out. Until he figures out the real world. I'll just take him to one of the ponds at work and then I can just check up on him. Yeah, perfect. No. You should put like a 60 foot rope around him.

Reel him in? Yeah, just fiction. Tie him to one of the out of bounds things. Yeah, yeah. You should put like a 60 foot What anyways um But yeah, like I was watching have you seen the baseball bat bros, you know about them so we there was like a video where they were trying to Break like a home run distance record and he had like four or five buckets of balls And he was like these balls cost me two thousand dollars, and I was like my god Baseball shouldn't be that much. I always imagine myself, like, if I have a son, God willing, I don't have a daughter. Like I always envision myself like, I'm obviously going to be the coach.

Like I gotta be the coach. And then, like, if I go to buy a bucket of balls, like, don't worry guys, like, I'm going to get us a bucket so we can do some hitting drills and practice and then I get there and they're like it's $500 and I'm just like oh I guess we're hitting with the balls uh or I just go to my parents and try to like scrounge up a bunch of just old like shoot up or just the laces are gone. I know it's like a theoretical but like played against sports always came in clean. Oh true. Yeah played again always had really nice balls for really I'm just like digging

through the bin trying to find pearls what did I tell you um I went to play against sports with a bunch of golf clubs like like golf clubs I don't know how new they were but like I looked up the price of them new and they were like $200-250 and then and I had like a couple of those and I took them in and they're like scanning them and I'm like I know I'm not gonna get that much obviously, but like, you know, I was hoping to get like 300 bucks or so the total of everything and They came over and they're just like okay so this club and this club are worth nothing so they're like we can't

take them like they were so bad apparently that they and they're like so we can give you $60 in store credit or like $40 cash and I was like okay I'm good and he's like what I was like no I'm not doing that yeah I have quite a few of them I've sold some of them if you look for already more than what they would have offered me playing in fucking they're a bunch of greedy bastards it's like pawn stars it's like some $40,000 thing like so basically I can do is about a grand and you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know,

you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know,

you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know,

you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know,

you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, clubs. Shields will give you money for used clubs? You can go trading clubs at shields, yeah.

And that's, you can know what you're gonna get before you go in. That's fucking crazy. But, and I also, it doesn't come out your mic. What? Also I was like, what do you do about golf balls? Because I have like 500 Pro V1s. Not 500, but I have a lot. And he's like, oh yeah, we about, like, golf balls? Because I have, like, 500 Pro V1s. Not 500, but I have a lot.

And he's like, oh yeah, we have a dealer for that already. And I'm just like, I'm never coming back here again. This place fucking sucks. Right. Dude, they're great to buy from, though. Spencer. Oh, sorry. Can is empty.

Well, we want another Simply, you want a tea, you want a beer, you want a... Give me a tea. I'm just gonna go down the line. You want half and half or a regular? Well, how'd you know the order... Give me a tea. I'm just gonna go down the line. You want half and half or a reg- Well, how'd you know the order? Give me that regular schmegula. Oh, okay.

Did you guess the order or something? Well, I'm just assuming the order that you told them to me. Oh, true. Well, no. And there's also a little crack right here. I can kinda see it. Waiter. Stop trying to break the law, you fucking asshole. What do you want in that middle light? Give me that red or pink simply back there.

Whatever it is. The old cherry? Is that what that is? That one's good. This is growing on me. I don't know about the- I've never had a passion fruit clearly. And I don't know about how it's going to be in a drink.

It's not like a Minecraft case. Can you loop that for like five hours and just put that over like an ASMR like like fall asleep to like a river and then it's just like Well you didn't even give me a chance to do it. We gotta do it at the same time. We gotta be on the ball man. Oh sorry. Oh you're both doing it? Okay. It sounds like the inside of a cave dripping yeah that's what people fall asleep to stalactite drip yeah I'd challenge you to look up stalactite drip I bet you tell me if there's an ASMR of it you see the guys that make those ten-hour things like peaceful noise and

like randomly halfway through it they'll put in like gunshots and shit. They'll be just like listening to like ambient noise and it's like a crime scene out there. Stellag-tite... oh. White noise. Patch butchered that spelling. Stellag-tite white noise or like Stellag-tite drip. Drip. I'm doing a pop test test it's

like World War one in the trip fall asleep to World War one trench warfare oh yeah I've seen that and then just like part thing yeah and it's actually Am I? I am. Whoa! What was that? What is the title of the video? Dripping water in a cascade of stalactites. Suck my dick. How long is the video? 15 minutes, just enough to fall asleep. I don't think that counts. Those asleep it is a reason like ten hours

you're being a real hard-ass today i hate the kid i hate the video well that the thirty thirty with your impressions that four hundred cc on that can make any minecraft do we do some work doing some impressions i want you to why not I could did we embarrass ourselves I just wanted to know if like with your impression prowess if you could recreate my huh

second huh that's better It's actually pretty good. Do the one when he gets hit like that How is that so good now here's the spider ready You guys I Can't do the skeleton if that's what you're asking. It's like bones clanking together Bang your keys kind and then like the Enderman is like, I can't really do that. I thought practice. Who's that black guy who can just do like 10,000 sounds? Uh, Winslow. Something like that. Michael Winslow. Yeah. You're oninslow yeah you're on your way you're on your way though I'm the mic I'm the white Michael Winslow yeah I'm like I

like I want to be like Mike and they're like but it's instead of Michael Jordan it's Michael Winslow sound guy you're making like machine I didn't deserve that much laughter what do you guys want to talk about I want? What do you guys wanna talk about? Who do I want? So we're going to Cappy's after this? Oh yeah! Since when is his wife in a band? I don't know, I didn't really, I thought we originally just go into Cappy's to fuck around and then you're like, today you're like-

Well Zane told me- Well Darius invited Zane and me in the break room and then that was when Zane turned around and was like, Ben, Cappies? And you're like, alright. Oh shit, see he didn't even mention it. Like, I'll be like, huh? Yeah. I'd be dead. Remember Cappies was the first night I met you. Oh, you're drinking the Bud? Oh man, this is kind of a hard transition from these two. Like the little tutti frutti. Yeah. Fruity drinks to butt heavy. First time I met you was the night that ended at Cappy's with the Tabasco shots. Don't

make it. Tabasco shots. I took two habanero tequila shots or something. I bought one for Gavin and Gavin bought one for me Excuse my ball But then I bought I bought two more I think for you and Spencer Yeah, and then you took it and Spencer was being a puss And then you took Spencer because I took the first one and was like alright. I was a little hot Oh, that's a good little spice. I can do another took the other one immediately

Just felt a fire inside me had to run to the bathroom shit Puked my brains out. That was the first night I hung out with Spencer and then I had to lay across his hood Yeah, so cold it felt so good. Just like There's also the night I met Courtney Yeah The story get better doesn't you walk down to feel love with you during the game but does shit

in any of these stories are you not shit faced now I don't know we either were either at work or like at a bar I feel like so it's that I feel like the only like shit face stories yeah would be bowling it's like you're either at school bowling or drunk yeah I like to be half the time you're drunk during those do that's what I call a sweet spot no I don't know if you are aware of this but we determined that Ben is good at any sport that he can drink at like drink while he's doing

I feel like he's good at golf just an athlete. He's good Good at bowling. I'm good at everything as much of like an ego thing as that is I think he is give me a sport I really truly think I'll be all right. I naturally athletic. Oh, I would agree. I think he's just good Well, and I'll tell you what it is. He has good hand-eye coordination. Oh, I think what? The whole thing was a bad hand-eye coordination. Well He probably I mean throwing a pen at someone behind your back and seeing Right, I think like so much of athleticism has to do with like hand-eye coordination cuz like Yeah

Like tracking a ball and catching it or if your brain can't relay to your limbs what it wants to do Yeah, is what determines consistency? This hand-eye coordination cuz that's what I feel like like at this point I mean I'd say so be really good at anything if you're just consistent like with bowling Yeah, like we both suck at bowling, but if you were just consistently bad no, but then we we do randomly Yeah, like when I show up first game Shoulder, yeah, and bowl my highest score ever right what we have our moments You could tell me a number and I would just

believe you. You don't have to show it to me. It was. No. No. I don't believe you. Never mind. You're going to have to show me. 300? No. 199. Oh my god. Wait. Was that? That was the editor. That was the editor. You fucking dick. I knew it. Wait. What did you actually want? It was like a 179 or 180. Yeah, but he was like, if I would have got a strike, cause he got like a 9 in the spare and he's like, well if I would have got a strike on this frame, what would I get? Would have got, and it was a 199. Our goal has been 200 since we've started this journey. But, didn't I bolt, wasn't the last game I bolt like a 180 something?

No, I think you hit 190 on that last one. Yeah. Or 189. You were right there. Yeah, whatever it was. So like that's not, that one was like a theoretical score, but then the last game was like right there, like actually like right there. We're getting there. By the time he gets back, Oh, this winner, we're in league. You should pick up a ball. We're gonna need more people. You know, I used to have a custom ball that my, one of mygirlfriends gave to me. Really? Yeah. So my not ex but the one before that. Well, one of my ex-girlfriends, I can't, you know, it's hard to keep them all straight but. The life you live as a bowler. Can't keep them off. Can't keep them off. Well, God gave um... cake you the the the

well dog gave a three holes for a reason in the ball i mean but so if she was uh... when my friends and she gave me a bowling ball but she was a bowler though so i'm like jim i'd be getting whatever you know so but she gave me a ball and it was sent to that's why i kept asking if you're ball was scented. Smell pretty good. Oh.

And I like had left it in the back of my car and it had cracked. It got a big crack in it. So like me and my roommates were just we took it outside. We were just throwing it up in the air and letting it fucking just destroying it out in the street. So that was that. Yeah. They just pick a ball. You can go get one for cheap.

You can go pick one up for like 80 bucks, perfectly custom. Yeah, we'll see. But do you guys want to hear a funny story? Yeah, I'm sorry. My bad. Fuck right now. Someone's got to. Do you guys want to hear a funny story about people who think they're good at bowling?

This is a really specific story. So, us all going to drink at the same time. I'm sorry, that kind of fucked me up. Fucking madden moment. You all set it down at the same time? Sorry. So. You get your fucking hit. We're going down the line, right? Down the line right down the line Next is no light. This is gonna be a shock Yeah, Miller light taste even more aggressive than butt heavy a little bit But I think the the sweetness kind of coats your mouth kind of

Takes away from the harshness But never mind. I know a so drinkers gonna hear that you fucking boogie can't drink music no it's just that beer has a difference in I hate when I feel I hate IPA people I just want to first horn that one in there but the first time I tried an IPA I was like this tastes like if this tastes like a fucking blended up cactus like I didn't even know how else to describe horrible I'm not anti IPAA. I'm anti-IPA drinkers who are anti-light beer. Yes. They can kick rocks. Dude, I'm anti-IPA. I've never had a good one. I've never had a drinkable one. Daytime IPA light beer. Why, they're

usually you have to chew them up? No, they're horrible. They're not consumable. That was such a bad dad joke, but I think I talked about that once on the pod where I was like, people that are just like, yeah, fucking domestic beers are like, I was talking about Budweiser, how it says the king of beers. And I was like, it's the king of beers. And they're like, yeah, maybe domestic beers. And I was like, that's not what I'm, I'm not saying it's the best beer. It's but it's like, the saying is like, King of beers. It's almost like when it comes to drinking beer, like we're number one, like we're the king.

It's called marketing. And they're like, and they're like, yeah, but it's a domestic, like it's not a craft beer. And I'm like, would you just fucking grow up? Yeah, come on guys. You don't have to be the best beer to be the king of beers. I mean, the king is not the best warrior in the kingdom Fair point. I wish I would have had someone in my corner like that philosopher on this episode It's all about like you got a factor in popularity. You got to show up to the game if you want to win I don't even know. Okay, so this bowling story so When I was in college we kind of went through like a phase

Like you guys are going through I think it's a normal thing for we kind of went through like a phase, like you guys are going through. I think it's a normal thing for guys to like... It's not a phase, dude. Never mind. Never mind. Been bowling for four years now. Never mind.

It was a phase for us in college where we were like, started bowling and we're like, this is a lot of fun. Let's fucking get custom balls and shit. Let's fucking... Anyways. fucking get custom balls and shit. Yeah, let's fucking, anyways. And there was another kid in our hall that like had custom balls already or something. And so there's a weird backstory to this. So this was a kid that lived in our hall

and he was like hanging out with us a lot. And then one day he kind of just like stopped hanging out with us. And like we went bowling with him quite a bit and we were like I don't know I think we like gave him shit for something or like brought up the fact that he like kind of was ditching us lately and hanging out with other guys and he and he goes talk to me when you bowl over 200. Oh my god. And I'm like,

That is such a... What a good thing to say. It's so... Or he was like, when you bowl over 200, then you can talk to me. Was he fucking around? Like he had to be fucking around. That's a thing. I hope, but... I don't know.

That's such a fuck-ass thing to say. But that's such a like a, once you reach rank 50 then you can tell me what's what. Like it's such a nerdy thing to say. Through our journey in bowling, as short-lived as it has been, 200 is not hard to do. We've been bowling what, five times? And we're already at like 190 what you were at 199 194 was my highest actual yeah one night this fucking cheater over here but the 199 was fake but I'm my highest was just a it's right around there yeah I mean either way podcast wasn't we can say it's real because it wasn't 200 might as well have been 199 it's still

one strike away from it ain't too hard so like it's taken us a month to get to that level. Yeah. Are we freak athletes or is it easy? I'll let you decide. That's what Spencer does he always fucking leans over and checks my beard. Does he check it? Yeah. He's not I don't remember him ever checking one of mine. If you watch back towards like he'll feel to see oh, yeah He'll fucking lean over and hit it How you doing One of my favorite things about Spencer is just I Love when like like for example that one episode with our famous viral clip

it wasn't that viral but the I might be shit face clip yeah where we were all fucked up we did a double. And he was like angry at your echo ears. The fuck are you talking about? He's like, what? I don't know. I don't think you know what I'm talking about. Where the fuck are you at? I'm in wilderness. He's at the fucking. He's at. Or no, he's like, I'm at McInnes. He's at wilderness. Yeah, where are you going? I gotta try this passion fruit. Okay. So, I'm a McKinney's, he's that wilderness. Yeah, where are you going? I gotta try this passion fruit. Okay.

So I'll have me a beer. Any beer. Passionate miles away. I'll give you the last heavy. Well, actually. That's the latte. Oh, there's only one heavy. I'll take the latte.

I'm sorry. Jake, I ruined your line. It's alright. What are you talking about? Mini fridges line? Um, have you guys ever? You were trying to go down the line. Oh, yeah

Yeah Ben give me All right here we go Forget the story start, have we ever. What? You said, have you guys ever. Okay. When? Like me? Yeah, like a minute ago. Don't look at me, cause...

I said, have we... have you ever? Yeah, like right before he went on his rant about butt heavy, and how he was ruining the line, you were like, have you guys ever? And then just stopped. Oh, oh, oh. Have you guys ever felt like a sharp pain in your chest? And you're like, I'm having a heart attack. Oh yeah. Oh, me and my buddy. And this is it. What do you, yeah, this is the big one.

I have a lot of stories about this actually. Me and my buddy in high school, cause we were both little, we were bigger, bigger dudes and we just watched the bears like SNL skit where they're giving themselves CPR. So like you'd feel like a little like spike or something and we'd just be in like math. We'd look at each other and I'd be like in my chair. Because really what it is is like a muscle spasm or like some sort of cramp or something that's happening but it's happening in your chest and you like you breathe in and you feel it yeah

like a sharp pain you're just like this is it I'm gonna I'm having a heart attack it could be your heart exploding so it's one it's a small chance you know what a heart attack is um is it like a heart cramp? I don't know. It's a blood clot in your heart. It's like your heart having a stroke. Oh, I think. I think. That makes sense. I'm pretty sure that he said that was a lot of conviction and then followed it up with a I think I'm the expert. Like if I'm wrong, I have to have that as a safety net. Well, good news is I have a laptop. Well, community notes that one. So like when I was in college, I went to the hospital because like randomly one day I started having breathing problems.

Now I feel bad about laughing. No, no, no. This is fun. Anyways. This is funny? Okay. Because I still deal with it to this day and I struggle with it and you know, no. But, did you find information? A heart attack, also known as a myocardial infraction. Not infraction.

Infarction. There you go. Occurs when blood flow to the heart muscle is severely reduced or cut off, leading to damage or death of heart tissue. Like a stroke. Doesn't your heart rate spike? Or does it? Your heart stops.

Oh, is it? Oh, okay. I think. Why does that hurt? Sym okay symptoms can include chest pain pressure or tightness you know when blood stops flowing your whole body why would that ever hurt why would that hurt you that's like that question because your muscles need blood and oxygen this is like that thing where it's like if you got your leg cut off would it hurt hurt? No. No.

This is where you get to feel the pain. Cause this is one thing, well I've gotta cut. The site would hurt, but. Where are you gonna feel the pain? In your leg? No, it's gone. Oh, it's phantom pain. There are nerve endings.

To shave. That have been severed. No, I'm on your side. This is like a meme from like 10 years ago. But if you cut your leg off and then cut your foot off You wouldn't feel it in your foot Not true. Don't you retake some feeling for a little bit? I think so. No, it's not attached No, but like people wait like they'll blow up from no

I said if you cut your leg off, right and how long your legs over there? Yeah, and then if you cut the foot off, long does nothing to send a sick yet no no no but like some people be like only let you know they go on the like wellish i just have an e-cap you know i don't like fans are shitting it's going at the pains of the world but anyways

well into the it was like before the uh... before i went to the your this is like before the, before I went to the ER, this was like the day that I started having these problems, I was like scared, like all day long. Like if you just randomly start being not able to breathe, you'll be frightening. Oh yeah. Yeah. So like I was scared all day long, but I didn't want to go to the ER, so I was just like kind

of waiting it out. It's like one of the only key functions your body needs to not die. And so like I took a nap and then I was like I don't know what the fuck's going on and I stood up and I walked in the bathroom Like I think I like naturally have like a little bit of like my lip kind of like droops But I like looked in the mirror and I was like I'm having a fucking shrug. I started losing my mind You know, I was like now this I get I'm having a straw Are you like a hyperchondriac a little bit that made made me a hyperchondriac for like a little bit. Sure. Not anymore

Like now I'll have like aching chest pains and I'm like, ah fuck it. I've had them before and I'm fine. If I die I die. Are you at the point now in your young adult life where you're just like fucking take me now! Yeah, it's either now or never. Now or never! Listen, I think it's now or later. Well, right. Hopefully a lot later. That's what I meant. That's not a term. It's now or never.

Yeah. But it's just like either kill me now or kill me at like 85. Yeah, I mean, I agree with you. I don't want to like start a new life, like have a kid or some shit and then have a heart attack or like, you know. I don't want to die at 50. Or my lung collapses. Yeah.

I don't want that. Kill me at my peak lung collapses. Yeah. I don't want that. Kill me at my peak, or kill me once I've done everything I need to do. Die a hero, or see yourself become the villain. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think you're peaking right now? You think you're in your prime?

Oh, god. I mean, I don't think my life will ever get more fun than it is. This is what peaking looks like? I'm in trouble. I'm at the tippity top of the mountain, but I'm only halfway up. Yeah. I mean, think about your life as it was like like as it's gonna go on Do you think your life will ever get more fun than it has been throughout your 20s?

You're gonna be 30. You're gonna have a kid and a wife and a whole bunch of responsibilities and stuff like that Every what are you 23? Yeah, we got seven six more years. I know every I'll say this So I'm asking okay. Let's think about this Dad let's all learn you on this and this can be part of a Psychology with JK K what that means. It's been a miles and no, okay. Can I wait? Sorry? What can I ask you where cam is? Barcelona you've been Barcelona. No, no So cam and I were supposed to record Where cam is? Botelona. You've been Botelona? No, no. Oh.

So Cam and I were supposed to record, by the way, apologies for this. This is like a two week late upload. Cam and I were supposed to record remotely, but he finished the walk. Holy shit, he's done it? Well, I mean, he ran most of it. Oh. He just doesn't get tired. He's a superhuman athlete Right. He I mean if you guys don't know and he's got really good hand-eye coordination

Please factor, but he's up to one He definitely at least bulls to him When he got to the finish line apparently he didn't log his time correctly on the laptop they had set up for him So he had he flew back here home yeah and then he had to go back over to Russia to re-enter his time oh fuck so we were supposed to record remotely but he's back on the road again but we're still figuring things out just wanted to square that right yeah so he did the walk yes I don't know what's happening. So, Cam went to South Africa, and he's walking from the Cape of South Africa to the... Let me pause you.

South Africa, Russia, or Barcelona? No, okay, so... South Africa. He's doing the... I was just being dumb when I said that, but... Because that was a little bit buzz and I stuttering my words. So he is walking the longest possible land route that you can do, which is you start in South Africa and you walk all the way up through Africa and then you go across into Europe and then you walk all the way across Russia until you get to the far east side

of Russia and that's like the longest possible road. It's like 1900 it's more than that, but it's a lot of miles and he was He ran about three quarters. You think he could do it. He thought he could do it and he did and he didn't get malaria When he went through, you know Yeah, yeah you hear about this no, it's been all over the news and shit he saw forest He watched for his gump and he's like, I could do that shit. This is a lie.

What? What? This is on the news? Yeah, you didn't see him? Wait, you haven't seen this? You're not gaslighting me anymore. He watched- I'll believe it when I see the news article.

He watched Forrest- All right, let me pull it out. You guys keep talking, I'll pull it out. Yeah, yeah. He watched- I'll say, because I've been seeing his Snapchat. Pull up the article, Ben. Pull up the article and read it off. You guys keep talking. I'll pull it. Yeah. Yeah, he watched Pull up the article pull Ben pull up the article and read it off one second But he watched Forrest Gump once and you know, of course back to what you originally saying I don't need to hear all this bullshit. Yeah, he thought he could do it and he did it and

He had a hang up with the results. But oh, yeah, I bet he jogged back to back to South Africa He swam down. I said because the flights were cheaper. Yeah cam Wilman yeah. Yeah, hit me 22 year old from You can show Nolan you can show who resides in Gothenburg, Nebraska. Yeah Walks from Cape Town behind me South Africa The maggot in show the article show America. He said you can show me. To to Magadan, Russia. Show

him the article. Show him the article. Oh, there's even Google AI. I caught that. Oh, yeah. It's Facebook. So. Oh, okay. Well, it's a Facebook article from. No. MSNBC who reported the story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have Facebook

that. So, I can't show you it right now but after. Just give us a brief summary. So, he walked from Cape Town, South Africa. Right. To Russia. Exactly. Took him two weeks and five days, 13 hours, 42 minutes and 30 seconds. Why'd you go with Trump there? You don't know the Lord.

Dude, I do this so much when I'm talking, I go like this. When I start drinking, I am, The Trump comes in. I mean, I may as well be Donald Trump. Could you imagine if there was a deaf person watching just going like Like you're saying some crazy shit We need to pivot here He said what about my mother back to the beginning planes so

There was this guy that sat in between So, there was this guy that sat in between me and my buddy on the plane out of here to South America, South Carolina. Yeah. Not South America. Yeah. And, sorry, I just smacked dead shit with my face. Is this the part of the episode where people stop watching? No.

I think it is. Shout out to Abby. She's probably listening. Is she an avid listener now? She's probably the biggest fan of the Grass Daddies podcast. Needless to say, shout out. Shout out, Broads. I'm going to catch heat for that, but you can leave that there.

I didn't say Broad. I said Broads. I said Broads. Okay. Yeah. So you flew, you went on a golf trip recently yeah talking to my guy that we sat or that sat in between me and my buddy flying out of here was definitely an IPA drink I'll preface it with that but he was like oh yes and I this is like well wasn't early, but I was tired so I was like trying to sleep but I could like hear him talking and

Who was he talking to he was talking to my friend because he like sat in between us He's like one of the last one. He's like I would never ever do this under regular circumstances I showed up late. I would always sit in the front and I was like alright like Sometimes you don't get to choose. You picked Southwest, you didn't have an assigned seat. You got stuck in between them. Just do it. Well, there's boarding groups for Southwest.

There is. Are you telling me he's always in boarding group A? Yeah. That's what he said. He's like, I always upgrade. He was just late. So that's why he was really upset. I had to downgrade to B.

Now I'm with you, scum. You know what the funniest thing is, too, is that we always walk to the very back of the plane. Sure. So he- Because it's not assigned seats with Southwest. It's just boarding groups and then you sit wherever once you get on the ride. Yeah, right. So we always walk all the way to the back. So we all sit together. We just had a middle seat and so this dude sits down and he's like,

Where you guys going? Well, like I'm gonna go on a golf trip, whatever. And then he's like, I'm going down Well, I got a little golf trip, whatever. And then he's like I'm going down to, I think Texas or something like that. Cause he was talking about, he was like, my daughter bought a house and then he went on this whole like 15 minute rant about how he was like, you don't buy a house, you buy a fixer upper and then you do this and you sell it

and you make money and then you do it. He was like giving us this whole business plan and my friend was just like looking at me and he was like, we talked about it later on my friend was like looking at me and he was like We talked about it later on he was like dude I didn't give a fuck and he was like I'm going here to see this blues guitarist play and then he started pulling up videos and like Force-showing us videos of this shitty ass blues guitarist that he was going to see and we both like it was the worst thing ever

But then I think he got way too comfortable with us. And then he was like, you married to my friend? He was like, no, I'm not married yet. And he was like, oh, good for you. Don't do that shit ever. And then the stewardess like stood up and he was like, oh, you see her. That's good complexion right there. It's a good complexion.

Started talking about her like, yeah, she doesn't have very much acne. Like, I think he was very much acne because she was white like she wasn't oh yeah oh my room was he wearing a burger where did his hair stop here I'll just tell me stop. Tell me when but but Sunglasses on the whole ride Sunglasses there are just certain red flags dude sunglasses inside It was the worst. Let's put it again and then also Just as a question to you guys if you were asleep on a flight in the window seat and he reached across

You to open up the window How would you feel about that I break his fucking jaw that's what Jake you go oh god come on Joey I'll do the buck. Ba-boom! How's that? When I was coming back from Vegas, when I went for Trace's bachelor whatever party, I was kind of third wheeling it a little bit, and we ended up not being able to get seats next to each other because of because since it's a boarding group type shit you know Southwest yeah yeah so this is boarding group type thing I was like a couple behind them I think or which by the way not to cut you off but did you know that Southwest is like starting to charge for bags now there's no I didn't yeah no Well, I don't fly that much for.

Okay. So it's not like. That's just what we normally eat. Okay. Actually, we were right with each other, but since they were a couple and the Rose, it's like three and three, you know? Yeah. I wasn't able to sit next to them.

And on the way home, I sat like in the way back in the back right and then there was another dude that sat in the aisle and then a female sat in between us now if you can't tell on video I'm 6'6". Certain vehicles such as planes do not bode well for people of my stature. And I don't know. You know, you could catch an accusation for looking at someone weird in today's day and age. So as I'm sitting there and there's a female sitting next to us, I'm like doing my damn

diss to like, oh, you're hitting like shoulder pose. I'm sitting like this. I'm tucking my leg to the side and my elbow because I don't want her to feel like I'm being a creep and invading her personal space. You know, I'm just trying to be nice grabs your thigh That's the stroke in the inside I was stroking the inside of her thigh and I was like let's play fire truck. Um, but Yeah, so like the whole way I was like scrunched up like this and I'm just like

And I was like, I'm just fantasizing about being back in the 50s when you could just touch anyone you want No, I'm just kidding. They spells back in the 50s when you could just touch anyone you want. No, I'm just kidding. Baseball's for 99 cents. Back when coffee was a penny. Coffee was a penny. That's America. Oh yeah, a long time ago in the episode I was going to say I was in an Xbox party with Trace and his now wife was like, hey, I'm going to the store.

Do you want me to get anything? And he was like, steak I'm going to the store. Do you want me to get anything and he was like steak potatoes and more beer and I was like I started laughing I'm like Staken potatoes and beer two carbs and a protein That's all of it. Carbs. I'm carb loading. Some 12 gauge shells. Yeah.

Give me regular bush. Don't get bush light. I'm carb loading. For the entertainment later, give me a couple slugs. A couple boxes of... Oh, revisit the shields? What can you buy as shields? You can buy everything. Fudge?

Oh, that's a... were you playing that with him? No, it was me and you. I know but I was wondering if you were telling him about that No, let me play this. Go to Sheels. You wanna play a game? I like games. I love games. I like games. This game- what should this game be called? I'll let you name it It's called- it's called- I went to Sheels. It's called I went to Sheels. It's called I went to shields motherfuckers. It's called I went to shields. What the most outrageous three things you can buy at shields at the same time. It's called they have fucking everything. It's called I went to shields. You're like I went to shields and I got a... Dude, anything from that fucking restaurant. Yeah. Fudge. It's like a fudge factory. Fudge.

That was my nickname in high school. Yeah, there's what? Fudge, Jerky, what do you want? Light? No no no no anything. You're bad at the game. You're terrible. You're a rookie. What do you want? Anything. Let's give them an example. Let's give them an example. I think the most outrageous one that we have come up with so far was. I went to Shields and I got you can buy fudge a katana and a life-size Abraham Lincoln statue why am I bad at this when my first thing I said was fudge well you said fudge jerky it's like that's not yeah no I mean you know no no no no I'll tell you what you're supposed to do just supposed to go store-wide.

No, I was just talking about, I was strictly talking about how they have a cafe with fudge jerky, sandwiches. I think it was like a coffee shop. Just let me teach you to be good at the game. I went to Shields and I got a Bunsen burner, a Harry Potter Lego set, and a headboard. And a bike pump. Alright. And then you laugh because I said something really funny. Okay.

Uh. Ha! Thank you. Nailed that part. Next part. I went to Sheeves. I went to Sheeves. Let's see.

I bought... God. It's not a good time to blank. I'm not trying to give you a hint too, but it doesn't have to be something that you bought. No, but it's just something that's there. Yeah, I'll get to that in a minute, if you can. Well he said Abraham Lincoln statue. Yeah, can I buy the Thomas and Jefferson talking-

Thomas and? Thomas and. That's not good. Thomas Jefferson talking thing at the second floor? I guess. Alright, so I'll take that so okay, so I'll take the little red ones. Yeah, I mean Yeah, I'll take you

Yeah, the big-ass one I'll take you and Fuck it. I'm hauling the small bowling alley I'm hauling the small bowling alley out of it. Dude, I'm going to buy a Call of Duty MP5. Somebody said anything, I think. I wouldn't say anything as in buying it. I more so meant one time I said I'm going to go buy this, that, and then also go candle pin bowling. Or whatever.

I'm going to go buy a shotgun, a parachute parachute and then take a ride on the parachute have you looked uh I want to say I wouldn't put it past them but I don't think up 12 gauge push it or a sprint sports bra and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go

and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go

and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go

and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm like, I'm going to go and I'm going to go and I'm going to go and I'm going to go and I'm going to go and I'm going to go and I ice skate with the shields and I bought a hunting blind you didn't even laugh invited he said hunting blind and you go no you're so funny creative about a You're just jealous you're not. Fuck you. I got the 4050 at my house. I bought the building I? Went to shields and I took the men's bathroom door Sure, I crawled into the fish tank and grabbed one of the fishes

And then I roll that's actually not a bad and then I rolled up the fake turf outside and took it home I bought the cart or the ferris wheel Up and the down I took one gear that was crucial to the ferris wheel also anyone that got on it would die the heart or the uh Ferris wheel. The Ferris wheel. The up and the down. I took one year that was crucial to the Ferris wheel. So, anyone that got on it would die. I bought

the uh off and on button. So, it only runs now. So, anyone on it can't get off. You're dead. You're just dead. We throw pieces of meat at you. If you can't catch it, you're **** I took one of the skylight panes out the next time it rains so they wouldn't notice and the next time it rains something we get wet. Yeah. I stole a taxidermy fox.

You know that little display is how you get into the fish tank. Is it really? I was going to ask you that. What do you think? Call and lift the bear up and like just dive in? Not the bear, not the bear. Fucking taxidermied fox, a pizza oven, some pre-workout. Yup. It really is a shoe that you can get in. I bought a squat rack, a Patagonia fanny pack, and a pair of Ray-Bans. Paintball gun. I bought. I a pair of Ray Bans I bought I went to shield I bought a spinner bait. Is this turning into fucking?

Hey, man, I went to see She so here I am as she bought some tins and signed up for credit card Let me get that discount fam. I got a pack of Hachu I'm gonna call some Tim's and And then I snuck that shit into the women's changing room. The rest is up to your imagination. It's a redneck that like doesn't understand it. Bought a spinner bait, crank bait, and a fishing pole. Now it's like supposed to be funny, man. What's funny about that? And then I used it in the morning.

I went to Shields and I bought some coyote piss. Yeah. A trolling motor and a kayak which is not compatible for the trolling motor Just so they're asking questions like you gotta go like because a kayak a trolling motor and coyote piss is all like Sporting no no, but I said a non Compatible yeah, I know I get what you're saying But like I feel like you gotta go like three things that you can buy at one store that you couldn't buy all three at any other store. You can't go to Walmart and buy... Is that what you want?

What? Why are you licking your lips, man? Not like this. Go ahead. Anyways, I bought a Lego I'm so what did I say I bought a foam souvenir basketball a mini basketball and a regular size basketball those basketballs apparently make no noise

oh like the airless like 3d printed ones yeah they're in shields what every you can buy everything there i'm telling you to buy those super expensive no we're going to have twenty bucks on the uh... what how old exactly where they are right now another show of shields they probably close to make a point in the closing issue is well you know i went to shiels just as tuned up and she was like why what's going to see is me with two fucking Have you seen the Nate Vargahtse joke where he's like I went to shields for the first time and they just had guns on

the floor They were just telling you to leave with the first I walked into shields and there was a toddler carrying an AK Ever visited Nebraska like 2017 I was a sophomore in high school and I went to shields Toddler carrying an AK 2017 I was a sophomore in high school and I went to shields Ethereal experience I can't even describe to you the feelings that I had walking into a can you can you try for the sake of? The pocket might start tearing up. I don't know it was like going to heaven That's like the closest thing I can describe it like I can finally shoot at my school That's like the closest thing I can describe it like I can finally shoot up my school Buck I just gotta pass this 15 second

Please don't hide D. Me, please don't I do you go to buy a gun like you're gonna use this for bad You're like, no, all right. All right All right, oh Not 18 yet? That's close enough. Sup boys? Sup boys? Alright. I'm trying to hold that till I break my bone. Got it. Just in time. If you see that quick draw I went pff went when I got it. Well you saw me private it Well, yeah I'd go and rack the chamber. I bought a crossbow some hot nuts and I bought a

Women's size 7 left shoe van this isn't really like entertaining or anything, but they got great candy pecans there Okay, you can have you can just form an opinion and just speak your mind I'm just spitting out to you like I know this isn't very funny comedy Oh, but really they got some good nights nobody cares about this, but hey, I want to shoot. I want to I care I care some good nights nobody cares about this but hey i want to shoot i want to hear you i care she was in there what the shape is yeah i should have been a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a josh or like at least entertaining thing to do would be to discuss the differences between east coast nebraska midwest west coast as far as what you know and all that would be a really highly intelligent idea for a theme for an episode. No, not like highly intelligent, just basic shit. No, I mean, no, no, no, I'm saying that's a really good idea that I could have thought of had I not been a nincompoop. We can do it right now.

We can fire off topics. Oh yeah. Alright, let's go. Actually, you thought of it so you... Alright, let's do it. You start. Exclusive, easy, like toss up, exclusive fast food places. What are you getting for food and snacks and stuff?

Jack in the box. Never had it. Pretty good. It's like every other fast food, but they got these tacos that you you think hey This American restaurant would not have or it's just like all burgers and shit But then they randomly have a like hardshell taco One of the best tacos you'll like from a fast food place. You'll ever have all right Jack in the box Like if you're gonna pizza my heart off the bat fuck what you said off the bat Pizza my heart off the bat fuck what you said off the bat Shut up, I'm arguing this is what I did west cuz the best fast food tacos. I've ever had or taco John's

No, oh you fuck with taco John. Oh, yeah, you've yet to have jack-in-the-box welcome to Nebraska, baby There's no way that's staying, but have you been I feel like almost out of the shot It's almost out of the shot. If we put one more can, I think it would be out of the shot. If we're gonna do that, I kinda wanna move that, cause I feel like- Well there's nothing in there. Well there's gonna be little bits in there. Well you're gonna need an empty can base. Oh my god. Cause you can't put that on top.

Just disassemble half of it. Deconstruct? Yeah, disassemble half of it. I feel like this discussion gets better when it's some like things that we okay so like been to the west coast have you like have you guys been to the east coast uh... they're like we can talk about at all

because if not it's gonna be like i don't know i'm lee yes debating ship wall most wall i went to boston that's the coast pretty far as well I went to Boston that's pretty far but that stuff there that you haven't I cook out cuz that's like southeast no we went I get the only I'm trying to think we went to like a like seafood place also Boston's a shithole really think so fuckole I mean I was only there for like four days and it was and it was mostly just to watch a couple Red Sox

games that was all we were really worried about I guess how just everything about do you think it's like that upper Northeast like New York Boston Really? Yeah, I like New York City all the guys that I thought New York people are fucking assholes Yeah, but like in a way though. Yeah, it's different. It's like a different kind of asshole like New York people It's like how we're assholes to each other I feel like it's kind of the New York City vibe New York City is just like a no Bullshit place like if you're acting like a fucking idiot people are gonna tell you you're a fucking idiot But you can just be like walking down the street in Boston some dudes like I fuck you and you're like, all right

I Don't like that navy blue shirt. You're wearing Boston are just dickheads like if you like the simplest, like small inconveniences to a Boston person, are like, what the fuck? They'll still say they're all good. What's like the... Dunkin' donuts. I want my Dunkin' donuts.

What's like the most common food, I guess, on like where you're from? Dunkin' donuts. Like, in what, like fast food? Like, Mexican, Italian, barbecue. It's the same thing. It's like the only thing that's like the most common food, I guess, on like where you're from bonnet don't like in what like i asked like mexican italian barbecue is the same thing it's like the exact same way from where i'm from verses out here it's like the exact same spread of the really yeah you're not getting mostly do there's a fucking mexican restaurant on

every street where i'm for that california's like a high mexican popularize from it, I'm pretty sure 70% Hispanic dude the city I'm from Where are you from Watsonville can you look that up percentage or like I don't know What a but perfect but a perfect place for it to fall yeah, I mean you were worried about it hitting the... The guy who hits the fucking table. The Momo. See, the mini fridge knows the rookie is sitting in third seat

and it's going to topple the tower at the third seat. Actually, it's an initiation type of thing. I got the cheap seat. I set that up from the beginning. What is it? Watsonville? Watsonville. W-A-T-S-O-N. Yep. Bill. It's pretty, it's pretty like Watsonville, California. What'd you want me to Google? Like the percentage of, I don't know, Hispanics. Hispanics percentage. That sounds crazy.

I don't know hispanics hispanics Dude I think I got sawdust in my nose from building that like probably I Yeah, the first time I ever sanded something like didn't wear a mask and I was sanded it for like in two hours Watsonville Hispanic population. It's crazy. I'm pretty sure forty,374. Is there a percentage? Um, so let me look up most of Watsonville I'm pretty sure. Let me just look up Watsonville population. 43,000. So you were the minority. I was, no, for, yeah, I actually was. Or it was like neck and neck. I'm pretty sure So the okay, so the Watsonville population, yeah, okay Hispanic population 43 43,374 total population

50,000 yeah, yeah I was in little Mexico Oh 10 minutes talking your mic ten minutes from driving your so Was it it's California the same way like in Virginia and most of the East Coast there's like 95 it runs from like Miami to Maine Yeah everything on the East Coast is within 30 to 45 minutes on both sides is within 30 to 45 minutes on both sides of the major highway. Once you go farther, like I guess that'd be west than that, is all fucking like woods.

It's just like hillbilly land. It's more nothing out there. That's where most of the farmland is. Like California produces a fuck ton of produce and it's all just everything off the coast pretty much. It's just farm Okay, yeah, cuz like there's like a bunch of stuff like everything in Virginia is like up the highway Yeah, but then like once you go like you cuz you'll drive to like where I'm from Fredericksburg It's like a suburb like it's a big sprawling like suburb

I was all shit then once you get like 30 minutes outside of town you're in like Appalachia like you're in the mouth Yeah, no, well, that's like's kind of how California is is there's just these huge pockets of population Who like make up most of California, but then like if you went by land It's like those pockets are probably like 20% Yeah, and the rest of it's really population in like farmland like hillbilly like Rural shit like there's one highway that just runs through like on GTA 5 kind of yeah Actually, yeah, it's just like lettuce Not like

Directionally like GTA 5 because that's like a big circle exceptionally like GTA 5 because that's like a big circle but like if you took that and like Stretched it out and then like everything that wasn't like Los Santos is just all west of Los Santos. That's like, Virginia Yeah, like you'll drive through like Like literally like just south of DC is like the most like I think 1Million of the 8 million people in Virginia are in one county in Virginia But then you can drive like 15 minutes outside of that and There's nobody On that note have you ever like

Gone to like put lotion on your hand and like the tip of the bottle was super crusty Yeah, and it like shoots out Way more aggressive than you thought you would and it kind of looks like yeah, I mean we've all been there Well, it's funny because it either has that effect or the after effect of the like like the afternoon that piss where it's like It'll just go straight like 45 degrees so when I said we've all been there before that's what I was a reference I know what you reference. I said it's kind of like we've all been there. Oh well I thought you were talking about maybe like uh. I'm so glad you just organically referenced that. Do you just get one straight 45? You

don't get like a pitchfork? No I, yeah well not a. Okay can I get like four streams? Four? I'll get two though. I think it it's like three i'll get a split stream yes like what do i do you think i'll get split finger there's going everywhere but the toilet it just like uh... what the fuck did it like breaks out and then it's like one normal squeeze squeeze it like a fucking you like uh... no that don't work you gotta find it

you know i think the other day but i mean maybe it's like a person to person that i i don't know i get it four streams but you're talking about shooting f***ing robes i was well i was talking about after that part not everybody knew what you're talking about how much is left in there cut a few Yeah, for poor I'll take I'll take another we can finish give me Miller You want to try the passion fruit passion fruit was actually no

All right Hey guys doing Saturday night You know go for it talking your mic. I'm not done. Well, let me talk about like Just just put it a little bit closer. That's what I'm trying to do. This tightens it. That tightens that. It's fucking crazy. It's alright. If you said that's good.

You know what's even harder? When you got that dual stream or even three stream or in my case the four stream. Four? Four is wild. I got a four stream fastball. You got three kind of going like pitchfork, but then there's like one little, like you know when you have like a little loose spot in

the hand watering nozzle, there's like a little tight spot. One's going like down for some reason every time. It's like where are you going? But then you do that and you're also not flaccid yet. So you have to like, yeah, shit down. Is this happening for you guys every single time? Just about. About, it's a coin flip. It's about a coin flip. Yeah, mine is like pretty uncommon Maybe I'm pissing. Maybe I'm pissing Closer after and your guys are like I'm you want to find right after like let no more than like five minutes after how Fast is your shit dry? What do you mean dry? What do you mean like dries in What do you mean? Like, dry as in a verb or dry as in an adjective?

Adjective? What do you mean by verb? What? Well, no, I guess it's... Drying as a verb. I guess it would be dry. No. You're not drying your cock out. You're fucking... So the pathway is getting partially blocked. Right. We're gonna dance around this without saying anything in too particular. It's cement. Yeah, the cement is drying in the pathway. In your urethra?

I thought we were trying to work around the fuckin'... No, it's at the apex of the pathway. In the main pike line. Sure. I didn't know that. I think so. I didn't know that I think so I didn't know no no no I think I think it's I think it's hip the end of the path right yeah sorry and then it's like creating a fucked up where do you think your four streams are coming from I don't think that that's like halfway down you're like there's a block I don't know well I mean I assume that there's some sort of valve in there because unless valve yeah There's gotta be some sort of something in there because otherwise you wouldn't just, you know... The cement wouldn't come out every time you took a peek.

Okay, let's say the blockage is happening... Imagine, like... Let's say the blockage is happening... I'm gonna piss! Okay, okay. Let's say the blockage is happening okay okay let's say the blockage is happening at the beginning of the path that's where I imagine it is once the different flows converge in the main path don't you think it would come out the end in one path I'm not a main pipe ologist dude I don't know I don't know

what's okay the main line comes out like sludge I can tell you all the like the end in one path i'm not a main typologist i don't know i don't know what they're looking at the mainline of the like sludge i can tell you all the like anatomical names for the spots in there good for you either way i'm happy for you well because this is important for your question we got to figure out what's causing this

i think it is drying up at the uh... the opening and because i had the sprinkler head yet sprinkler heads icy right and you kinda got a warming up you gotta get the blowtorch out i want to know what this google search search just was well yeah can you work for word i don't know why do i pee weird after i cum? Was that not it? What causes the trident?

Alright, so full transparency here, you guys all know what we're talking about at this point. A pee stream diversion due to dry semen, retrograde ejaculation means semen is pushed back into the bladder during orgasm rather than out of the body, potentially causing cloudy urine and fertility issues. I don't think that's what we're talking about. No, this is scaring me now. I'm going to have fertility issues.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Dude, if you're on the semen retention call of cancer. How do I get it out of there? No, that's dry. Well, I'm a big believer in practicing against semen retentions. I might need to be on semen detention might have to stay after school Isis comes down I don't know everything is saying retrograde. It's like a world war one boat. Yes Oh my god

No way this is a Quora. Oh, yeah, of course This is a Quora. Oh yeah. Quora's the best. I don't know how much of this I'm gonna read. Okay, so this is the after show at this point. If you are uncomfortable with this kind of talk, please click away. Or don't. If you don't like the kind of talk that we're doing right now, get out of here. But I'm gonna be as medical as possible or at least as much as these guys are just science people Stepped on your dog Sometime the the question is sometimes when I pee my urine goes in two or three different directions. Why does this happen? Now a username by the name of I'm not gonna say but his little like bio is I'm feline good. So don't stress me out pussy eater six six six

close His answer is have you tried firmly grasping it as you pee don't just let it and I'm I'm telling you This is what I'm reading don't Let it flop around over here and over there. Take the... Probably grasp it in your hand. Just don't let it flop around over here and over there.

Take the bull by the horns. A split urine stream where urine flows into different directions can have many causes in men, including issues with the bladder or urethra. Adhesions. The edges of the urethra sticking together, often due to dry semen left in the urethra after ejaculation. This is the most common cause of split stream and usually goes away in a couple of days. Days? What? No. By the way.

Because it's like right, it's like in your neck. I know. Okay. Urethral duplication. Whoa. Being born with two urethras. Oh my God. Sign me up. At the bottom of his thing is the image of Patrick and Squidward and it says firmly grasp it in your hand.

Was that full? It's about quarter full. Nevermind. Enlarged prostate. Common in older men and enlarged prostate can squeeze or block the urethra affecting urination. Phimosis, a too tight foreskin, which can cause, which can get stuck

in front of the urethral meatus during urination. Generally, rejections of- What are you talking about, man? Meadal stenosis can be present at birth or caused by trauma, inflammation, scarring, or surgery, treatment. You know, my problem with this is, if he was like a doctor, I'm like, okay, but his profile

is so silly that I'm like, why are you such an expert on this if you're just an average Joe Cora answerer? Other causes include... It called me back to the Meowth impression that we were doing in the parking lot, the Pokemon Meowth. Oh yeah? Wow. Was it there? that we were doing in the parking lot, the Pokemon Meowth. Oh yeah? Wow. Was I there?

Yeah, it was in the Star Wars game. Oh my god. Because I told you that the... The Gilbert Godfrey sounds like that? Not the... I used different terminology, but yeah, like roughly the... Oh yeah, okay, I know what you mean. Yeah, okay.

So basically to conclude... The Gilbert Godfrey type, right? Basically to conclude I don't know My allergies So you were kind of straying into Mort territory there for a second that's the impression Mort or Gilbert Godfrey? Oh like more well I guess they're both Jewish well you said correct okay points to Griffin dude you guys know that take it easy since I've been laying off the sauce and I was like trying to get my

buzz early when we went to the Stars and I was like trying to get my buzz early when we went to the Stars game Sorry, I was trying to get my buzz early and let it taper off and I was like, I mean you saw me I was fucking Oh, yeah, I drink like five and like 30 minutes There was a moment because I was drinking them so fast that I wasn't even feeling buzzed before it started to set in Right and there was a moment where the drunk wave Came over me and I was like, oh Like it all hit me instantly Remember when you'd be at like a house getting drunk and you like know you're drunk

So you go to the bathroom you do that like lean over in the mirror and just like smile at yourself I Love the house party. Look at yourself in the mirror after you pee and just like we're fucked. You're just like, yeah. I got caught doing that one time in high school. You got caught? So the bathroom window was like kind of open and it's soft. The bathroom window?

It was like a bathroom window or it was a bathroom was on the bottom level and there was a window that was like half crowd outside yeah okay it was like you're not crazy I know what about facing the back well I don't know I guess I was picturing like a window on the door no it was like next to it was like in front of the sink door like to a That's a mirror. What'd I say? Window? Oh, fuck, wait, yeah. Sorry. I just had a full... There was a two-way mirror, people could see from the other side. One-way mirror.

There was a window that looked at the mirror. So, like, from outside you could just see into the mirror in the bathroom. So from behind the person using the sink? Right, so I'm there, like, doing that, that, just like looking, I'm like, Jesus Christ. Now when you're doing that, are you saying this is fun or look at yourself? I think every single day. I think it was both, it was like,

like Jesus Christ, I'm hammered, and then I'm like, oh my God. Every single time I've hit that mirror smile, it's been, I'm fucked up. Right. And then somebody from outside's like, what's he doing? And I'm like, are they talking about me? I just freaked out and laughed and never asked anything. You could hear them? Because the window was open. And they were just looking in and could just see me just like-

And you could hear them going, who's he looking at? And you're just like, who the fuck do you think I'm looking? At right well he's like looking at myself. Why is he doing that and I'm like But he wasn't like why he's been doing that it was just like why he did so I'm like Fuck are they talking about me? Were you high? No just shit face, okay? It's talking about your paranoid those motherfuckers are talking about me Yeah, I've definitely had one of those where I like I go to pee and I look, what a girl scene when I'm standing next to him and I'm like, oh my god, alright, I'm done. So you practice light-skipping? You

practice posing? No, I'm just like, I kind of mimic what I look like walking up to the bar. It's pretty psychotic. Well, do you do the old, you walk up to the mirror and you kind of like, you know, like pull your shoulders back and like, you're not walking around like that normally, but like you're telling yourself that you, like, I look like that, like I'm definitely skinny. You know when gorillas see themselves in a mirror for the first time and they're like banging their chest because they think it's somebody else? That's pretty much- You walk in the bathroom and you're like, oh! You're like, oh wait think it's somebody else. That's pretty much you walk in the bathroom. You're like, oh, oh wait, that's me That's me on the contrary to that have you ever just like seen the mirror and then you like turn to the side you're like

Oh, that's what I look like. Oh, yeah I've had I've had the good side and the bad side where I'm just like I need to stop eating period Again Brass bro, and I feel like diet tomorrow You wake up and there's like half of it on your And then you wake up and there's like half of it on your couch still and you're like alright well Monday, who doesn't start a diet on a Monday? And then you just fucking- And then Monday gets in and you didn't go grocery shopping.

Yeah. And you're like well I have to grocery shop. And then it's like- Like- I guess I got a- Have you ever seen like a video of yourself and you're just like ohhhh. Yeah. That's gross.

Oh yes. So there's two drinks left. I feel like I've drank most of them. What do you got? Five? Oh, yeah. That's gross. So there's two drinks left. I feel like I've drank most of them. But you got five? Yeah, I got five. Well, I had... I had seven. No, no, no. I had... Let's see. I had five. Oh, I've only had one of these. And I had... Wait, so I've only... I've had five.

And this is my second... I've had one of these. Right. You is my second I've had one of these right you also have and I had one of these simply you I've had one two three four five one two three four five who's the odd man out you go six six five I'll leave to you we got the host and the new guy I'm probably gonna get a DD tonight so I'll take the six okay do. Do you want... If it's cool that I leave my car here until tomorrow. Absolutely. Alright.

Yeah. We never drink and drive, so... Never. No, no. Uh... So who wants the passion fruit lemonade and who wants the Merlite? Do you want me to take a gamble on the passion fruit? Or have you had it?

No, it's good. Okay, yeah. I can vouch for it. Yeah, I'll have whatever on the page. Alright. Take a gamble as if you guys fucking care what you. Okay. I can vouch for it. Yeah, I'll have whatever on it. Take a gamble as if you guys fucking care what you're drinking. I'll save this all Slam it down your goates. So I am drinking that. Okay. Yeah for the hoax and the new guy. Okay, good point Which one's which all right? Well, I'm at Kathy's you're getting another Tabasco shot

You can go fuck yourself. I would not become that. So have you enjoyed your time so far on the pod? I love this. Yeah. I hope We really need to do some tier lists. Tier lists would be great. We need to get a fourth mic. What? We need a fourth mic. We could get one. We could absolutely get one.

This three Spencer tier list. Um. How do you think we would do it? Well I brought up multiple ideas to you. I think that we can either do many tier lists and then I think you brought up the like tier list a couple and then tier list the tier lists. We could do that. But I think it's dependent upon who's here. With Spencer here we gotta do a fast food Or just a food one in general. Well, okay. So what I'm frozen foods just no, but any Dude, that would be right. I know that'd be perfect for Spencer

You know when we were in uh, when we went to Omaha for cam's bachelor party you know how like in the lobby of most hotels they have that little like bachelor party. You know how like in the lobby of most hotels they have that little like this is the snack area where you can buy a Red Baron frozen pizza for $74. He like got a couple of those. They were like $8. They weren't actually that much. He like got sauce in his bed like on the white sheet. It's like a red spot. I was like, what is that? And he's like, I got a red Baron Do you think that thing hold on you think that was fully cooked red Baron or do you think It was one of these oh

It was like maybe like a personal for those listening. It was like one of those tiny little Like five inch in diameter. Oh, I thought you're talking about like a ten inch like personal thing. Yeah I thought you were talking about whole frozen nuts. I was going to say. He just heated up a slice by slice. Yeah probably. And it might not have been ready. He probably cut it in half and stacked them in like and we'll throw it in for two minutes. But I mean Spencer would probably fucking eat anything.

Yeah. If it's pizza I can't imagine. I think he ate through the box. So the second night we were there, we went downtown or whatever. We went to some bars and we got back to the hotel at maybe 1130, close to midnight. And a bunch of the guys were like, we got to go back to that bar that we were at earlier day and that Waitress we were talking to see if she was working or whatever You know what I mean that kind of shit and I was like I'm going to bed Cuz I'm a dad

And a boomer and it was like 1130 or so maybe I think it was about midnight and Spencer left basically everyone as far as I knew left and went back to that bar and I fall asleep and I wake up to Spencer coming back into our room and I think I look at my phone and it's like 2 a.m. and I was like did Kim like do more hurricane shots or whatever because he was obsessed with the hurricane shots for whatever reason. Or you get slapped in the face? Yeah, it's where... Where they like...

It's like a party trick where you do it once in the evening and Cam was... I think he had like six. Like he did it so many times. Does that one like... Someone like... Yeah, you take the shot and they splash you and slap you in the face. What's the one in like New Orleans where like some chick with huge tits like buries your face in them, slaps

you and then does that? I think that's called the strip club. That's where I was? Well, I don't know. Is that where I was? Wait, was I cheating? Fuck. So anyways, Spencer came back in at like 2 a.m. and I think I was like, what's the hurricane

shot count at now? Or something like that. And he's like, oh, I didn't go out with him. I was like, what? I was like, where were you for the past two hours? And you're like I was he was like I was down in the lobby talking shit to some iowa fans I was like for two hours and he's like, yeah, I was like talking shit on iowa to these people and I was like Oh my god He was like, yeah, they kept buying me beers and I was just like

So I guess he went downstairs started talking to some people and was down there for two hours Just talking to red people like Spencer like was gonna go with somebody like You guys I gotta say something this I was there and then he was just there for three hours You guys just corn is bad. Those guys Those guys that went to the other bar. It was Cam and I think two other guys They got banged up Cam I don't think he threw up but one of the kids got back to the hotel room and Like got in the bathtub

Fell asleep in the bathtub done that with water running. I don't know. I think so I've had to sleep in a bathtub before though like too many guys in one hotel. Yeah, but it's a drive, but he was My buddy blacked out taking a shower and said he dry bath. Oh. No. He was taking a bath. My buddy blacked out taking a shower and said he woke up at four in the morning. He's like, ugh, like waterboarding himself. No, because I guess they had like one of those like corner like little seat things. I'm glad we're not popular enough for someone to make a GIF of me going like that. Okay, go ahead.

Yeah, but he was like sitting on one of those corner tile things. You know how like old people, there's a little spot where you can sit down? Yeah, sure. I think he just fell asleep on that. Dude, I was um... So he woke up like his whole body was like raising effect or whatever? Oh yeah, he was all rumbling. Yeah, he was all pruned up.

Dude, that reminds me. Well, to finish that story, so basically the one kid fell asleep in the thing a couple of those guys didn't go to bed until like 5 a.m.. And we got up at like 7 or 8 and cam Apparently cam well So we check out of our we checked out of our hotel Spencer Spencer and I carpooled, everyone else carpooled back to Gothenburg. Cam hit a shotgun in the parking lot at like 8 a.m. after all that sick bender he was on

the night before, and apparently they had to stop like six or seven times on the way home for Cam to throw up on the side of the road. Like I don't think they made it out of Omaha before Cam was like, you need to pull over and just throw it up on the side of the road. But shout out Eli. Early. So this reminded me. Did you hear the early story when it was 21st?

Yes. Let me tell this really quick and then you tell me. so this reminded me did you hear the early story was twenty first yes let me tell this idea and then you tell me but i want you to tell that story uh... but that reminded me i was talking to this one girl and she i'm not going to name any names i'm just gonna say she went to westley in uh...

and we like didn't even date i I was just hanging out with her. When you're deciding whether or not you want to date someone, we were hanging out or whatever. Her roommate was drunk or whatever. I don't remember what the context of it, if they were at a party and they came back to the room or whatever. I don't remember what the context of it if they were like at a party and they came back to the room or whatever. But I was in her dorm hanging out with her and we were like watching a movie with like a few other people and her roommate was like drunk and went into the bathroom to take a shower and was just in there for so long and all of a sudden the girl I was talking to, like I didn't really, I wasn't paying much attention to it. She was kind of moving around, you know, by the bathroom area and she was like on her phone and whatnot. And she like all of a sudden

came up to me and was like, do you know how to pick a lock? And I was like, what? And she was like, so and so, I'm not going to, what? And she was like, so and so, I'm not going to name any names. She was like, so and so, I'm texting her and she like won't respond. And she's been in the bathroom for like 45 minutes now. And she's like not responding. And I'm like calling her name and she won't say anything. And I was just like, oh shit. And so like I got up, the girl who was in there, her boyfriend was there. And he was like, he got up. girl who was in there her boyfriend was there and he like he got up and I think I can't remember exactly how it ended But eventually I think she like came and like unlocked the door

But I think she like fell asleep in the shower and I was like, oh shit But I just remember her being like well, do you think you can take it down like? She was like asking me these shit and I was just like i don't know what's going on rampage jacks in the tour he just fucking ripped half it up she was like do you think you can pick a locket i was just like what that's funny i had to pick a lock at college like when i lived with my friends because his mom was like really strict like he was one of those kids that like his mom had life 360 Like track them everywhere like I watched him like yeah

He was like he was older. I think when I was there I was like 19 turning 20 and he was like 22 already like I was living like it was like way older than me but his mom still had life 360 and he got like cigars and like a cigar box and like humidifiers and like all that shit and he was like My mom's come into the apartment. Can you like move all that stuff? But he also like I feel like he thought that we were always gonna steal from him even though he lives with him So every time you even though if lived with him. So every time he would leave...

Even though if something was missing, he would easily like, you're the suspect. Every single time he would go home, he would lock his door. But he was like, I'm driving back with my mom, can you move that stuff? And I was like, your door's locked. So he Venmoed me to go buy a lockpicking kit and have him lockpick his door. I just like the idea of you being roommates with someone that's like, where would I put it? Like under my pillow?

My room? Alright. Because she wasn't going to come into my room with this. Sure, I guess. Yeah, so like me and like my best friend that I went to high school with were like sitting outside of his door, because we didn't know how to lockpick. He just like paid us to buy a lockpicking kit and go like try it So we're like me and my buddy are sitting out there drunk as hell like 3 a.m.

I'm gonna fucking keys. Yeah, we're like you're trying to like fucking I don't even know what it was like the whiff like the wiggly like little like pick thing We're sitting there where you're trying to move the no, it's like it's a big stick with like a bunch of squigglies in it Well, right cuz you're trying to push the pins are and then just like jerk it off. I can just stabbing the right. I know yeah Yeah, perfect We're doing that and then we're actually like trying to find the like little They make a jiff fuck. We're fucked. It's called a gift. Sorry So what are there for like three hours trying to lock pick this door and then I'm like dude

We can't do it and he's like I Guess I'll just have any like I have like yeah I was like why you guilt tripping me like he's like I have seven pounds of marijuana Mine you need to get in there So I've known this dude for like a two years sure at this point And he still thinks that I'm gonna like sneak into his room and like I don't know steal his fucking whatever. Imagine you get in there and he's just like now you need to throw that lock

pick away because I don't want you getting into my room again. You're just like oh my god. Give that back. That's the dude whose wedding I'm going to in like a couple of months. That's sick. Are you doing a speech? I'm probably lockpicking my way into this fucking hotel room Okay, tell the early story then we'll wrap this up early story. All right glad you're here for this. Yeah, so piece it together I what we need to get his consent to tell the story They don't know who we're saying early it's a nickname Yeah, so I wasn't there from the beginning, but I brought Maddie my girlfriend. I'm gonna refer to as Maddie me and her we show up to brothers Yes her name

Refer to her as Megatron So I don't mean to catch up with the first time I told my parents I was gonna bring Abby over to like the for them to meet my dad was like you're bringing over the Abitron Gorlock that destroyer We saw my brothers and I don't know give some context so we have a friend who recently turned 21 24th birthday. This is 21st birthday. Yeah bar crawl. Okay, go ahead. Yeah But not really cuz he didn't last well, whatever so he was going downtown His when I showed up he was drinking one drink at Brothers while you and Gav more playing pool

Was that his first one? I think so. Yeah, so I showed up a little after he did yeah yeah cuz we showed up late you know Broz he was late we show up late Broz be tripping shout out to him though he's drinking one drink and we're just chilling we're hanging out we're having a good time and then you know he's new to all the bars he's 21 so he doesn't know what the fuck's happening and Gavin is probably the worst person to drink with on Like your 21st like he's trying to fuck you any celebration because he's always like he's just trying to it's like for his entertainment I think he's the type of guy that's like I got fucked up one So now I have to you have to feel what I felt one time. He gets joy from

to feel what I felt one time. I think he gets joy from seeing you. That's what I think. Okay. I think that Gavin finds it fun to see other people who are less seasoned get way too drunk. It's like a Big Brother thing. Yeah. To be fair though, he's done that but then be like, you're sleeping on my couch. Sure. Yeah, he's let me crash at his place a bunch of times. I'm going to get you to the verge of death, but I won't let you yeah I'll bring you back though. I'll bring you back so early all of like what like realistically 130 pounds Buck 20 soaking wet. Yeah, was a baseball way. Yeah, so What? 99 cents is here

He's drinking like his he was like drinking a rum and coke or whatever and then I buy Because I have to DD so I buy my girlfriend one of those pictures at brother's like the little solo like 32 ounce pitchers or whatever And Eli's like what is that? And then Gavin's like that's a picture you should get that and so This drink weighs a quarter of what Eli was You should get that and so this drink weighs a quarter of what Eli was So he's like I'm gonna get that and he goes up and orders one and he slams that Not slams, but probably like drink the whole thing. You finish whatever 20 or 30 minutes or brothers They're put they're finished in their pool game. Whatever Eli finishes it early finishes it and then

Somebody I forget his dead name. Yeah early finishes it and then somebody I forget his dead name yeah you know I forget somebody is like alright now we're going to Iggy's because I think the plan was to take him to like all the old street bars just so he could like see all of them so then we like leave and we're walking to Iggy's or whatever we get in there this is where it goes to shit okay there's all so I only you get in the door yeah basically I know how busy Iggy's get. Hand up on this one. So this is like, we're there at like 11 ish 12. So it's like shoulder to shoulder. Yeah, it's bad. So I take Maddie and I don't know a couple other people. I think there was like two or

three people with us. I'm like pushing my way up to the bar and I get there and I'm like ordering everybody drinks and I turn around and I'm Eli's gone Ben's gone I'm like where the fuck did everybody go and then I'm like cuz we're at but I always I always go to where like the Bartenders are like walking in and out because it's always empty like the back like little 90. That's the best spot I always stand that's always where I go right by the pool by the register register, too So they always know you're there. Yeah, so I'm like we do where did they go and I like turn around on my tippy toes And sure shit him and Eli are at the back back bar like the one next yeah popcorn machine I'm like, oh fuck so I buy me a drink like my girlfriend a drink and then Early a drink and then we go back there and like early's like oh Ben

just bought me a shot I don't know what the shot was whiskey well whiskey it was the worst whiskey you've ever had. Hey we got a newbie give me some Jepson's my lord. No I'm a big fan of well whiskey any whiskey. What is it it's the 1920 whatever the fun. 1942. It might have been Windsor. Windsor or some shitty ass whiskey. So this dude at this point is a double rum and coke, whatever is in the brothers pitcher, I don't know. Like three shots probably. Sure.

Hell probably. And then a Windsor shot. So this dude's five shots deep. As early. Basically. Basically this kid could smell a beer and catch a buzz. Yeah. Not a buzz.

This dude could smell a beer and black out. Jesus Christ. I was trying to give a little credit. beer and catch a buzz yeah not a buzz this dude could smell a beer black out I give him the drink because I wanted him to try I think it was like some special they have like a bomb pop it's like a flavorful like mixed drink or whatever probably another shot shot in half something like that so he is like oh yeah this is good or whatever we're end up we end up on the back patio this is where it goes bad. Yeah, hit me this He finishes his drink and we go in and we're like, oh, what should we get or whatever? I'm telling him like

Try the Long Islands cuz Iggy's has those like cheap dude or whatever I'm telling him to try this big drink. Try that make sure whatever Somebody I don't know who it was. It was long islands are so fucking strong they're like 90 percent alcohol what oh they're strong now you don't taste no they don't taste strong no they're like 90 percent alcohol they don't taste they give you a half a second a coke and they're like here you go here and they're like see it's a mixed drink it was me I don't even know what a full blown Spencer and was like we're getting

1942 1942 like I wanted I do for you know is awkward about this starting to cut you off But I want you in the girl was like, you know, it's like 25 bucks a shot. I'm like I got the money I'm a little dirty think they even say anything at this point cuz anyone that buys Like I'm why when your company money just shut up Why would they stock that if every time someone orders it, it's a stipulation where they have to go, you know how much it costs, right? It's like anyone ordering that shot is already going to know how much it costs. Well, so it's awkward though is she's like 25, it's like 50 for the two and I'm like, I got 50, which I had 50, but I saw it. You're like, thank God I have $50 in my

bank account. Oh, should I have $52.50? Perfect. No. I had plenty... whatever. That's not the point. But she's like, whatever. I'm like, yeah, I got it. They go to run my card. Declined.

Oh. They're like, I guess you don't have it. I'm like, no, run it again. Declined. Run that shit again. I'm like, what? I opened my bank app. Try this.

It's your Home Depot credit card. I open the Wells Fargo app and they're like Are you about to spend $50 at a Guana's bar and like whatever and like yes I yeah, but I had to ask it was a whole the ad that be like Gavin I'll Venmo you 50 bucks you pay for this right now Jesus Cuz I well, I want a bank with I wanted Wells Fargo. What's your routing number? six eight zero five five four two nine seven two four eight Well, I want a bank with I wanted Vos Fargo. What's your routing number? 680 554 297 248 like five. Why'd you just read that to me like a John Gruden?

652 x y slot on to ready, but all right, no, but so I'm doing that we take that and then you can take it from there Alright Well, no, but like I can't remember like the like how the story pans out chronologically because I was also a fair amount Okay, so after that I think you got one more mixture No No there was more after that because You buy him that shot and this

is after he drinks the first drink I bought him we're hanging on the patio I bought him another drink because I bought him a Long Island and the bomb so then he drinks a Long Island after this shot so a Long Island at Iggy's probably like two or three shots probably yeah so this dude at this point we We're talking early 130 pounds generously, right? 13 shots deep and it's been like an hour and a half. Maybe maybe two hours It hasn't been a long time. We show what a trooper though, and then he was all for this is when Ben and I cuz Ben and I are Fucked up like Ben and I are drunk on the back patio smoking cigs you know it's getting a little while like and then speaking of so we're out there and we're going crazy this is when the Luca

trade happened the night that the Luca stay on track we're talking sports we're drinking the beers are flowing everything's good we're all here stay on track. We're talking sports. We're drinking the beers are flowing everything's good. We're hanging out The Windsor starts flowing. Oh, yeah, so I go out and I'm like because the Windsor shots like three bucks I'm like, let me get five and I get me a Windsor shot Ben takes a Windsor shot I think my girlfriend took a Windsor shot down. I'm not taking the Windsor shot early keistered one Yes fucking all four crushed a Windsor shot. Shadad. Gavin was like, I'm not taking the Windsor shot. Early keistered one. He's fucking all for it. Early crushed a Windsor shot after a little convincing. And we're all like, alright cool, like some Windsor shot.

And then I'm pretty sure. He's like, I can see my dead grandma standing behind you. And you're like, take a Windsor shot. And he's like, oh fuck it. I'm pretty sure. Meemaw? I'm not trying to like juice the story at all, but I'm pretty sure there was one more shot that happens after that There was I think a bouncer took one with us, too

I don't even know I don't I don't remember exactly what that was one more shot at but at this point Eli like early is probably 15 like at a low ball 15 shots deep After an hour and a half to two hours tops It's bad. It's bad. It would put enough to put a fucking elephant on full blasts also backtrack to brothers I'm like dude if you get too drunk they come crash on my couch I'm DDing tonight like you can come sleep with me And he's like I'm DDing. Yeah, this is like the beginning of the night. We're fucked up. Yeah

I'm like dude if it gets too bad, you can get like, you can DD. Like, I can take you home, you can crash on my couch, it's good. And then he's like, I don't think I'll need that, but I appreciate it. I'm like, oh yeah, no problem. At this point, at Iggy's, the last Windsor shot, he looks me dead in the eyes. He's like, I need to sleep on your couch. And I'm like, all right, that's fine. You're like, I know.

Yeah. Oh, cause I also told Ben, I was like, like, you can you're like I know yeah, oh cuz I also told bin I was like like you can come with us and sleep on my couch cuz Eli said he wouldn't need or whatever you an early And so the whole thing is like the whole idea here Is that like me bin and my girlfriend are crashing at my place tonight, but then Eli look weird is for some I've ever had Dead in the eyes. He's like I'm sleeping on your couch tonight. I'm like, all right, that's fine. And I should have realized in that moment what that meant, but I was, you know, the beers are fine. I'm like chilling. I'm like, all right, that's fine.

Whatever. Why is he so subliminal when he's drunk? Dude, he's like, whatever, we'll get to it. But at that point I'm like, all right, that's fine. Whatever. I go in to buy like another beer, another drink for my girlfriend. we're chillin or whatever And then when I come back out is when everything had gone to shit like literally everything So I'm gonna let him take over here cuz I was I was in the bar when all this happened So you guys like I got a pew or shit early early needed a few hands at his last name. We're good And his consent later. Yeah, so Imagine he says I don't tell that story. I have to bleep all of this psych. We're fucking suck me editing

We're not gonna ask him. That's what's gonna happen. Good point. Oh So no, he's like I gotta go to the or like puke like everybody knew he had to puke So we're like, all right, like the, or like, puke. Like, everybody knew he had to puke, so we're like, alright. Like, go outside. Or like, he didn't say, actually, sorry. He just went to the trash inside, and it was like, about to puke. And we're like, no, no, no, you go outside. You're like, we're gonna get kicked out.

Even though we're gonna leave in five minutes. Well, yeah. But so, whatever, he like, shaves the puke, gets outside, at the back patio there's a back door that leads like an alley. Okay. Gets to that door at the back patio. A super drunk person's best friend in an alley. Right.

And just pukes almost on the bouncer at the back patio's foot. Oh my God! He just pukes right like in front of him. And I'm like, no, get out of the... Because like we're about to go into an alley where there's a dumpster, like a corner. It's like, no, no, no. You get in the corner and you puke. You don't puke on the fucking bouncer, you know? So we're like, I'm like trying to do this. So I get him into the alley, get him, like he finishes and he's like, I'm good. Just hauls ass back to that back door

to get back into the bar. And the bouncer's like, dude, you're not coming back in. Like, what do we do? Yeah, so I just like walk him out to the street, I'm like, we're just gonna chill out, everything's fine. Like, you're not in trouble, you didn't, cause I made a joke and I was like, why'd you puke on the bouncer's foot? He's like I puked on the a key. It's not so bad about it. I know you

You didn't Piga. I was just making a joke and So what if no one comes out with a girlfriend? My story picks up I get this timeline this week because we walk out I think I had another drink for Eli at this point and i'd walk out and i'm like where the fuck the ben and he like i'm like so confused and then i like i would imagine that i think is what the philips on it a peek around i select see the door and i see the show they are my no way

so i think that's it i think that the drinks with the well-being gavin is from the u s and cross-strait and we would walk I look at Gavin and his friends like you guys can crush these and then we like walk Out the back door and I'm like did somebody throw up here and he's like, yeah He's got like the the borax going down on it like trying to get rid of it and all that shit The cat litter going down Yeah, and I'm like I'm like did someone throw up here? He's like yeah like on my shoes and I'm like, where did they go?

And you're like what an asshole. Yeah, like where did they go? He's like I think that way and I'm like where did they go and you're like what an asshole yeah like where did they go he's like I think that way you know like all right so then we start tracking them down and we find them like some following the trail of yeah no it wasn't that bad no I know but like we find them on the sidewalks like somewhere and I'm like all right everybody's staying at my place like nobody is driving home I've had my fair share here but I'm not drunk like I was maintaining myself pretty well like I'm ready to think the mini fridge cut us out for a second yeah I'm not anyway I'm a reiterate I'm not drunk

no yeah I know you're not I'm not drunk I'm just drinking I'm drunk I'm drinking right because I was me I think most of my wallet that night went to Eli and my girlfriend. Right, you had a couple. I snuck in a bush here and there. Maybe a Miller, but I didn't have any mixers. But for every beer you had a water, you're fine. No. Perfect. You're being a responsible adult. Anyways, we all meet up. You're maybe blowing a 7.9. We all meet up. I don't know if you've ever. 0.7.

Jesus. Like, we all do, like I'm like, everybody's crashing in my place. Everybody. Like I'm not making anybody drive home tonight. It's been a while. I don't know if you've ever seen the inside of my car. It's not clean. Can't say I have.

There's a lot of shit in there. I keep a lot of shit in my car. Okay. Including all of my tools at the time. Sure. You've a walk. I've seen them. It's hefty. Yeah, I've seen them It's big. I have a front seat that I'm driving. I've seen I have a I have a passenger seat My girlfriend's in I've got a seat and maybe a quarter in the back. Okay, so we spin like Also, hold on back backtrack, because when we were going up the elevator, we saw all of my girlfriend's friends. So Eli is like

dying, but my girlfriend has to take this whole pit stop just to like talk to all of her friends who are also at Eli's point in the elevator. One of them just starts breaking out sobbing. Brod's gonna brod. Yeah. so we're all just standing there kind of like we gotta get this guy home so then like early he's just turning a different shade of green so we go we take like ten minutes cleaning out my car Ben's just fucking hucking cans and trash give me in an ear. I'm turning my toolbox sideways and then in a lapse of judgement moment

where we're just like everybody in the car we're trying to get home. Get in. Eli gets in the middle. Right. The guy who's been puking not by a window. Yeah. In my fairness every car ride usually stick the little guy in the middle. Right.

And the big guys... It makes sense. It's protection, really. Logistically. Yeah. But not circumstantially. Right. Which became a problem.

Next step is the garage is a fucking spiral. Sure. So, we get all the way down to the bottom of the garage after just fucking spinning down to the bottom Eli's in the middle thawing up I Can't get my card to work to pay for the parking guy So after like 10 minutes my girlfriend's like here just let me pay for us I'm like alright, and I shove her credit card in and it works and we get out of it So Eli use card and he gets an alert from his bank going are you trying to pay? Ben was not paying for anything

because we had to get out of here so I take a wrong turn and I end up on like P Street or like two streets up I don't know my alphabet I don't know whatever's the next street right W and I'm driving down and I'm like Wait, oh no, no, no, cuz I was on O Street No, yeah, then I had to turn off cuz this is where you take over cuz I didn't know what was happening It was someone was like you gotta stop. Well, so Early is right in the middle. I'm at the window and he's like You mind if like I sit in the window and I'm like now no, Nolan's place is like 10 minutes away. You're like, no, it's not even 10 minutes away.

I'm like, well, the- You're like, I like the window seat though. I'm like, no, but I'm in like the car's already, we're already moving. How are we going to switch seats without him stopping? I was like, no, we're just going to get to Nolan's house and just get there. All right. He's like, it's like, you sure I can't sit on the window seat? Instead of just being like, Hey, Beth, I'm going to puke. We got to do something about this. He was just like, no, you mind if I sit on the window? By the third time I'm like, do you have to puke?ke and he's like this is cheats Phil it was like comedic timing like it was no way I asked him he like

nodded his head he was like he clutched up there was like a mirror on his forehead that went full he was like dude I think Eli has to puke and I'm like alright and like on some random street I like whip over and like pull into a handicapped spot and turn around and Eli's like like fucking bulges up like a puffer fit and I'm like oh dude just like get out and throw up and I turn around hot on my back of my neck. Oh my god. On my center console, on my screen. Matty's like oh I think I got it on me just douses everyone just yeah

Saved it and I'm like I think another he had to throw up again, but like he already had a full cheat Yeah, he's all chill like that vomit. He just like spit is like and like spit some of it out It was just a stream Yes, we're gonna pull over then I have never seen been Dismount a seat of any kind faster that's Fired like a fighter getting ready and he was like a fired fighter getting ready. Gotta be in and out in 15 seconds. I was ready.

You're like Prince Harry or whatever when he's doing that interview and then the alarm goes off and he whips her out and starts sprinting to the job. Like, no, you gotta pull over right now. Pretty sure my door was like halfway open already. I was like, get out. You're like, where'd you get a fire ax?

What the fuck? Oh my God. And then the rest of the night was just fun if we get back to my house and I'm like dude Eli you gotta lay down and he's like oh yeah fine and then I like I'm like are you good and he's like yeah and then he like opens the door he's like give a pot I'm like yeah I like just bought this brand new cuz I told you I cook or whatever so I like bought this brand new to the project over what it was i like both is really nice like stockpots it's like sure i bring it out to him and then i have an insta pot it's bad delay in the morning it's a all covered in chile and i had to give him a pair of my pants and like

but it was it was a good night and then also that's the end of the ula saga kazi blocks out bed, you know, whatever but then like I guess I didn't Didn't read the room very well, but I remember like the end of that night is like me and Ben Still drinking beer. Oh my god still drinking beer. Oh my god. Well you hadn't gotten drunk yet. Not yet. I needed a little more. I was hammered just drinking Coors Light just doing Trump impressions. As I asked my girlfriend, I was like, do you need more? She's like, yeah, I'll have one more. So I like crack one for her and then I'm like, ah, fuck it. And then I crack one for me and him. And

you look down on their 14 open drinks, you're you're like well I guess we better finish these. And then like after I finished mine I don't think I asked them I just like grabbed two more and cracked two more corn slides because I woke up in the morning and there was like two half full ones and I was like what? It's like I woke up with like a beer helmet on and there was a tube in my mouth. It was such a wild night. I had to sleep on the floor that night because I gave Eli just blacked out my bed and then I was like Whoa, I'm gonna make my girlfriend sleep next to Eli So like she can have the couch, but then like I'm not gonna make Ben sleep on the floor You know like you should make Ben sleep in the bed next to Eli and then I was like, you know

I don't have anything else So then I just grabbed a couple pillows and just fucking sleep right on my rug You know what like like back in high school when you'd like stay the night at somebody's place and like you had to share a Bed and you wake up and you're both facing each other. Oh my god I was so fucked up from the night before like I kind of forgot I stayed at your place I like I had a moment of like, you know when wake up, and you're like where am I your nose? And I look up, and I'm just like Your eyes both crack open the same time you're just like

I don't know Did we go like open at her works? she was out of there by like 7 8 Yeah, I'm like I'm going back to sleep And then I wake up because I told both of them all I got to drive you home in the morning I wake up like I don't know 730 and they're both like we have our ubers already. Yeah, like what the fuck? Yeah, I woke up, and I'm like I got it. I got a good. I just got to get out of here I don't know when I when I wake up hungover. I'm like, I gotta go. I just gotta get outta here. I don't know, when I wake up hungover,

I'm just like, just get me as far away from what just happened as possible. Okay. Just take me back home. It was a good night. I felt bad for early a little bit, cause he kept like, he was like, I'm sorry dude, like I apologize, like I'm so sorry,

I'm like dude it happens. There's a level of embarrassment that comes with it but it's like really hard because like I've been there before like I was there on my 21st everybody's been like fine I'm gonna be drunk everyone's done something stupid done something so it's like really hard to tell them like I'll laugh about this for like a week but then I won't think about it again like it'll come up like now like for a funny story or whatever right but I'm never't think about it again. Like it'll come up like now, like for a funny story or whatever. Right. But I'm, that's it.

I'm never going to think about this again. Just broadcast it to the world. Right. We just needed to get to our viewers, but, but I don't know. I thought it was a great time. I had a great time. That was, I hope early. Sounds like a great time.

Sounds like a great story. I don't think he paid for a drink. The second minute Ben and Gavin showed up. It was a good night. He should be thanking you guys for writing you can your car, but yeah on that note That sounds like it was a great time. Sorry early. I'm sorry. I couldn't be there actually I'm not I'm glad I wasn't there because that sounds like a shit show, but Thank you guys all for watching and tuning in to this episode. Nolan, thanks for coming on for your first time.

Hopefully you're back for some more. We'd like to be back. To your lists. We gotta get those to your lists going. I think they'll be a fun experience. Yeah. Of all my friends, I think you are one of the more strong opinionated ones. For sure.

Ben is like, I don't care. And Spencer's kind of just like, and then, um, but then like, for example, before this episode I built an entire picnic table that took me like five hours and the first thing no one said when I got there was what you should have done was and I go I'm done. Yeah. There's no more should have done. Well hold on. Wait a minute. No no. On that note if you want to give opinions how about you show up to fucking make it and not show up at the end of it. This is horrible context. Actually horrible context. Is this not what happened. But you didn't include what I said after that. What you say. What you say. And then we're ending this. you didn't include what I said after that what you say another what you say and then we're ending this I didn't say that you built

it bad or that you could have built it better what did I say actually what are we talking about you go you know you should have done and I go well I said I think the first thing I said was you know what you should do and then I talked about painting the top oh okay maybe that's what it was and then the only should have done was just shrinking the seats that it didn't like sit out as much and tip the table which I think is a fair I don't think that that I'm not saying that you built it bad I'm just saying because you also agreed with me thank you guys all for watching and tuning into another episode Spotify and Apple

podcast for Apple own or fucking Spotify and Apple Podcast for Apple only. Spotify and Apple Podcast for audio only. YouTube subscribe. No one has to pee. I have to pee. I'm sure Ben has to pee. Yeah, I got charged as a fag. We're missing Darius' wife.

Yep. We're going to go. We're going to go. The night is young and I don't know thank you guys all for watching tune in next time hope you enjoyed this extra long episode you're welcome two hour and six minutes Yeah, we did it. We did it. Are we out of an hour yet? Are we out of an hour yet?

Two hours. See you guys next time.