Grass Daddies Podcast - Grass Daddies Episode 3: Slow Cookin'

Episode Date: August 7, 2023

In this episode of the Grass Daddies Podcast, the boys get into a riveting debate about what it actually means sh*t your pants. On the same token Kam hasn't had a bowel movement in a week and a half? Jake tells more funny stories; about his dad as well as an update on the druken sleep talker... Follow us on Social Media! Youtube: grassdaddiespodcast Instagram: @grassdaddiespodcast @kamdenwellmann @jakekillham Tik Tok: @kandenwellmann (yes thats how it's spelled) @jakekillham11

If it doesn't touch cloth, you didn't shit your pants. Because what are your pants? The thing you're wearing. If you don't get shit in them, you didn't shit them. Oh yeah, I got the clap. You want the clap or... I got the clap. You got the clap?

Yeah. Okay, I'll give you the clap Oh I think that'll work that'll work Welcome to the we're wearing our hats backwards because we think we look cool podcast. That's cam. I'm jake and we're the grass daddies That definitely got picked up on my mic. No, we're actually wearing our hats backwards because we have one singular above head light in here. Because this room was built in 1975 by Colonel Sanders.

Yeah, I heard he was really into real estate. And yeah, so the last two episodes we were wearing our hats forward because um we like to wear hats and our faces are unseeable because of how shadowy they are listen we're not like instagram model influencers okay we don't have our selfie lights we don't have our studio lighting set up in here it's a work in progress all right right. So bear with us. Will you please? Oh, yeah. There's a lot of bearing with us. This is a work in progress. This is a definite work in progress. So, guys, we did it.

We're audio only. Yeah. We're on Spotify and Apple podcast. So when you're at work and you need something to listen to to get you through the day, if you're sitting on a mower, if you're in your... Sorry, a monkey fucking around over there. If you're maybe sitting on a mower, maybe you're in your cubicle in your office trying to hide your solitaire screen from your boss,

in your other screen you can just have grass daddies pulled up and you can just be listening to us. The best thing about audio only is now you don't go spend 200 on milwaukee battery charger yeah yeah i mean i i was really hoping for for that to happen but i guess we'll we'll throw you a bone actually i'm gonna have to end up paying money because whenever this uh free trial runs out on this like third party thing i'm using to get it on audio i'm gonna have to start paying like 20 bucks a month so I'm actually gonna be paying you're gonna be paying ten dollars a month because we'll split it really yeah you split it with me oh yeah that's so sweet of you oh man how you feeling uh kind of shitty actually not shitty unfortunately yeah from the sound of it well we said we're gonna get

in a poop talk but i have to have a serious conversation here we go i haven't shit in over a week and a half you know how that feels that's crazy there's no way my gut feels like i weigh like just 900 pounds i just oh my god you know what I need to do now? I'm totally going to edit in that picture of you in the bathroom with your dad gut hanging out. I have to edit it in. Which one? My underwear? Yeah. Okay.

Do you think that's okay? Social media manager? Can I edit in that picture of him with the dad gut? Hanging out like he's got the fucking spare tire on him. Yeah, shout out to our social media manager and hairstylist. We both got them fresh dome pieces. Wave check. Wave check.

Comb over. Oh, man. Yeah, she lined me up good. She faded me real good. A little last minute decision, but we can't come on this podcast looking all ratchet. Yeah, she lined me up good. She faded me real good. A little last-minute decision, but we can't come on this podcast looking all ratchet. Yeah, it was a game-time decision, and in the end, it paid off. Oh, yeah, I feel like 900 pounds lighter. Dividends?

Actually, I don't because I still haven't pooped. So this man comes to work, and he goes, Oh, my God, I threw up a stomach bile again i'm like what he's like i threw up again this morning nothing but stomach acid this is like the third day in a row and i'm like holy shit it's been a week started on monday monday and then spencer came up to me today he's like yeah yeah he came up and he's like yeah cam's not feeling good today i'm like yeah i hear he's been like throwing up every morning he's like yeah cam's not feeling good today i'm like yeah i hear he's been like throwing up every morning he's like yeah and then he said he hasn't shit in a week and a half

and i'm like oh my god and i'm like well first of all when cam throws out a number like that you got to take it with a grain of salt because a week and a half might be four days but if you're saying a week and a half i'll believe you yeah so i don't know what i'm gonna do if i'm gonna go bust out the mirror lax or'm just going to have a night where I just drink quite a few beers so I have the dads the next day. I don't know. I don't know what it's going to be. I haven't played out in my head. Might go to the doctor next week.

Yeah, Spencer was like, yeah, he's thinking about going to the doctor. And I'm like, puking up stomach acid hasn't shit in a week and a half. Yeah, I think a doctor visit is warranted. I hate going to the doctor. So he's complaining about how he's not feeling well. And I'm like, he's like, I'm so I'm like really constipated. I haven't shit in a week and a half. And I'm like, maybe you should like take some Miralax.

You're like, no, I think what I'll do is I'll just go to Freddy's and get some chili cheese fries. Dude. I'm like, you're doing everything under the sun except doing a normal, taking medicine. Okay, hear me out. I know if I don't poop tonight or tomorrow morning that I'm really messed up because I get some chili cheese fries in my tummy from Freddy's. You bet your sweet bippity it's just things start moving and on the way home i almost sharted yeah so we just came we actually just came from freddy's where he downed so they messed up the order they were supposed to be chili cheese fries and they just gave cheese fries and we went back up and we're like hey um can we just like get some chili

to put on these and she's like yeah and she handed us like a bowl of chili this isn't this is like a mixing bowl it's not that big again cut that number in half um it's a i mean it was a lot of chili but it wasn't a mix and uh so yeah heulped that down, and now we're waiting on a verdict. So stay posted for that. If I just run out of the room, you guys know why. Why are you talking over your mic? I don't know. You're having trouble over there.

Well, you moved it. There we go. I think that's better. Whenever I went and got a second mic for when we decided we were going to do a podcast. Actually, I bought this as a gift from my girlfriend because i said we were going to do a podcast but actually me and my friend are starting it before that um i'm using the newer mic and boom and pop filter and i gave you the hand me down but it still works just fine oh i don't know if the mic picked that up but uh oops campbell at one slip dude how we looking over there

good alright guys guys I think we're gonna be another thing that might hit these moves you were just like that's so bad you're like I was like well since you're not feeling well do you I'm not cutting any of this out

mostly because I don't want to work that hard. He's like... I was like, since you're not feeling well, we don't have to drink tonight. And you're just like, no, I do. Because maybe I'll just get the dads tomorrow. I'm like, you are going about this all wrong. Oh, man. And I...

Fuck out. Avalanche. God. I should have set it on its side. Oh, man. We're really going off the rails here. I'm sorry. Jeez.

I don't know if you guys have ever smelled a fart that's been that's pushing past a turd that's been cooking for a week and a half but you'll know when you do that fart has been brewing

for a week and a half on low body heat it is fall off the bone oh my goodness gracious i haven't laughed that hard in a while uh told you farts are funny anyways so let's start this off before you go and don't interrupt me jake's always the one that sits there and thinks about stories to tell and i don't but i have a really well kind of funny story from work today can i just like explain yeah i'm interrupting already no it's fine go ahead so like in the after our last podcast i'm like you were like i feel like i don't like talk that

much and i'm like well it's probably unfair that like i'm like storyboarding like, I feel like I don't talk that much. And I'm like, well, it's probably unfair that I'm storyboarding. Like, I'm not necessarily storyboarding, but I'm kind of making an outline in my head about different things I want to say, different stories I want to tell. And you're just like, yeah, I just kind of go in and roll with it. Yeah. And I was like, just be thinking about stuff you want to say. I did think about some stuff this week. But I got to tell a story that happened at work. So I told you we were digging.

Well, we were trying to figure out. We have a really big wet spot on the left side of the cart path on 10. And we're trying to figure out what's wrong with it. And so their diagnosis was that it was just a head. And then we got to, like, it's wet uphill, which water and shit don't run uphill, so you got to figure that one out. So our bosses start probing.

No pipe, no pipe, no pipe. And so I just picked up the probe, and for some reason i went to lean on it well i found the pipe by just leaning on the probe because i hit i hit a soft spot and it just went like i was just like oh my god lean on it and it's like all the way down no restriction and i was like ding ding ding no way yeah so yeah we gotta work on that tomorrow that same wet spot i was over there and their diagnosis was it's just a wet area from where the homeowners are running their sprinklers so what we're gonna do is just dig out all the wet soil and put dry soil in there and that'll

take care of it so that's what we did and it's been a wet spot for like three years boy i tell you what the water and mud over there oh thank you it's terrible it's thank you it's so bad um anyways so yeah that was something funny that happened i kind of hated myself for it but it is what it is yeah so oh man it's so weird because i i was like are we sociopaths because we are at work listening to our own podcast and laughing at it like we're so funny but um it's like so weird like seeing it on like your truck dashboard and it's pretty cool and getting two mics is was such a game changer yeah like because so in the first episode we had we were trying we were fiddle fucking around for like an hour.

And our girlfriends were getting really annoyed. Because we were trying to get both mics to go. So we had them plugged into one laptop. And we figured out a way to make them both record. But for whatever reason, one mic would only come through one ear. And the other mic would come through the other ear. So we were looking up a bunch of shit on what to do and we found a video of a guy that's just like one thing you need to know is that you can't just plug two usb mics into a computer and just go and i was like well that sucks because what i thought i could do was just take my two usb

mics and plug them in my laptop and go so and yeah that was a pretty bad night because we started like we were going to start recording this at like six o'clock because we did we started like nine we didn't start recording her to like 9 9 15 so probably so probably like 8 45 no it was late it was late because we didn't get home to like 11 well we got it going now because we're just recording one mic on two different laptops yep and it sounds buttery crisp tell me this doesn't sound good in your eardrums some esmr baby i just said esmr so the other day at work i was driving and it made me think of this funny story from high school well from like when i was living back home in high school because none of our brakes work

at our golf course and any of our carts seem safe right it's not um so my second vehicle that i bought was a 84 square body chevy and i love this thing to death but boy did it almost get me in trouble a few times one time i was coming home from school and my brakes went out in it and so i live on like the far north side of town and where you come into towns on the far south side of town i'm like how the fuck am i gonna do this i gotta drive all the way through town with no brakes sounds dangerous so here i am just running stop light stop sign so i'm just like i'm gonna get pulled over watch out i can't stop i'm gonna get pulled over in the costume be like pull over your vehicle immediately i can't what you can't can't because the door is not open all the way. And so I get all the way home, and I was going too fast the first time.

So I loop around the block. And this time I'm like, all right, I got to judge. And I'm going slow enough that I'm like kind of rolling along. And I'm like, fuck this. And I just threw my pickup at Park. Did it stop it? Yeah. It just. And then it shut it? Yeah. It just...

And then it just shut the motor off. I was like, hey, I'm home. Might not have been the best thing. Hey, I made it. And then... That summer, one of my guys from work, we went out and we were shooting blue rocks.

And he lives at this place where it's like on a lake and you have to drive down this like huge hill and it like wraps and winds around there and like 10 minutes later i'm getting ready to pull into town again and my brakes go out again i'm like i'm so glad that did not happen on that hill because i would have died and i get home and i'm like mom my brakes went out my pickup and she's like well that's what you get for buying a piece of shit i just saw that the other day pretty anticlimacticactic story, but yeah. That was a good story. I mean, you almost died. And then if you would have died, then we wouldn't have been able to meet and start this amazing podcast.

Which, we have a viewer. We have, so I was looking at our analytics. We have two viewers in Canada and one viewer in the land down under no way it's a blooming onion mate that's remember how i said i wanted to bring that up somehow i saw that i'm like oh my god the blooming onion that's pretty cool i mean i feel like most podcasts that takes a while to get like well it's one viewer I mean our first episode on YouTube is at like 89 views our second episode

two two views and probably one of them is my girlfriend hey but one of them was probably me checking to see I know what you're thinking you're like I already got all the podcasts I need to listen to Hey, but one of them was probably me checking to see if I saw you too. I know what you're thinking. You're like, I already got all the podcasts I need to listen to.

I don't need to listen to that podcast. I already got all the podcasts I ever want. Well, guess who's going to make you laugh? Us. And probably whoever else you listen to. But. So. Okay, I talked about that. I got my cliff notes here. Oh, yeah, I talked about that.

I got my cliff notes here. Oh, yeah, we talked about you wanting to see a doctor. Are you not, so you're still not feeling any movement down there? A little bit. I could. Did you actually check to make sure you didn't shit yourself? Yeah. Because I would hate for you to have to get up in the middle of this and be like,

Oh my god, hold on. I gotta go wipe my ass. Yeah, I definitely did not shart. I promise you. Ooh, should we talk about the debate? What? This is a... Ooh, yeah, this is a spicy topic. Oh my god, we're literally talking about shit.

I mean, I said we'd be shooting the shit, but come on. Oh, that's why you put these things on there, so the beer can't get in the mic. Yeah, that's what they're for. Okay. Hold on, our social media manager's taking a candid picture of us. She's shooting us under the table. So here's the deal, guys. You know what

I don't care I'm talking about shit I'm talking shit We talk about everything else And my girlfriend does not agree with me But she doesn't have a mic So You wanna come in on this No no no it's okay

I'll handle this No you won't You wanna come in on this? No, no, no. It's okay. I'll handle this. No, you won't. You want to come in on this conversation? This is my side. I'll weigh in when I see it fit. Okay. The definition of shitting your pants.

I am of the inclination that it does not count if you catch it in your butt cheeks. Because we're in the bathroom at work. Cam was in the stall. I was peeing at the urinal. And I thought it'd be funny if I let a ripper go. As it turns out, it wasn't just air. Because. Okay. Wait.

Pause. Pause. Pause. This whole story he's telling you about right now ties in to our last episode and your diarrhea on your phone. How? Because it was the next day because you were gone the day before because you thought you had food poisoning. Oh, my God. This was the day before?

The day before the day you're talking about was the day that you thought you had food poisoning. Oh, my God. This was the day before? The day before the day you're talking about was the day that you thought you had food poisoning. Was it really? You stayed home. Yes. This is why it's good to have a friend with ADHD around because they remember everything. Okay. We're at the urinal. I let one go.

It's not air. I'm like, oh. I clinched real quick. I mean, real fast. It was like, boom, boom, clenched. And I waddle over to the other stall as not to, you know, soil my boxers. I sit down on the toilet. I make the inspection.

Thank God there's no doo-doo in my undies. So I'm like, wipe it up, clean the ass, you're good. You didn't technically shit yourself. I mean, you let one get by the goalie, but he didn't score. Does that make sense? No, it doesn't. I didn't get shit in my boxers, so I don't think I shat myself. My girlfriend, on the other hand, thinks if you poop and catch it in your butt cheeks, you still shit yourself.

Can I say something? Yeah. Okay. If you poop and your ass is not on the toilet seat, if you poop and your ass is not on the toilet seat. If you poop and your ass is not on the toilet seat. Then you shit your pants. Because you're standing up. And you couldn't control a fart.

Just because you got a fat enough ass that it doesn't go through the cheeks. Doesn't mean you didn't poop your pants. She just called you a fat ass. So her definition is the destination of the intended receptacle for said shit if you intend for it to make it in the toilet say lobby if it's anywhere else then you shit your pants. What if you were a nudist walking and you had a shart? You shit your ass. You shit your pants?

You shit your ass. By your definition, you shit your pants because you weren't on a toilet. Toilet. If it doesn't touch cloth, you didn't shit your pants. Because what are your pants? The thing you're wearing. If you don't get shit in them, you didn't shit your pants. Because what are your pants? The thing you're wearing. If you don't get shit in them, you didn't shit them.

What's your opinion? I got something to add to this story, which it's kind of unfair. And I feel like people are pointing me out because I've shit myself more when I was 19 and 20. Than when you were a baby and wearing diapers? Than when I was a little kid. It happens maybe once a month. Accidents happens, kids. So, don't be scared to admit that you shit yourself.

Another thing is, I heard from a guy at work. He calls a toilet a toilet. Who is that? Scott, our guy that cleans our bathrooms at work. He's like, I'm not cleaning the toilets in here. You're sure he just doesn't know how to talk very well? Yeah, but I like toilets. I'm with Jake on this one. Really?

You're not technically shitting your pants if you don't shit your pants. Because if you get shit in your pants because if you if you get shit okay if you get shit in your pants it upends your whole day for me it was like eight in the morning i would have had to go i didn't have a change of clothes i would have had to go home change clock out run home since it didn't get in my boxers i just sat down and wiped and went on with my day. It didn't disrupt my day. If you shit your pants, that's like, I got to make an embarrassing announcement. You're like, boss, I got to go home. I got to go home. I accidentally doodled myself.

I soiled myself. So what if you're just turtle heading really bad? What if you just get a little turd poking a little bit out a little yonder then your body's telling you something then you're doing something wrong you don't ever turtle head the prairie dog playing pig boo with my asshole typically i go poop before it gets to that point oh not me not i i like to save it and a half. I like to savor it. Going strong. Yeah. Yeah, I was just kidding, guys.

I'm not constipated. I just like to hold it until my stomach hurts so bad that I just have to shit. No, I'm just kidding. So what'd you have? Any funny stories? Off the poop talk? Poop talk? I don't know.

I mean, I have a million funny stories, but I don't know if I want to necessarily get into any right now. Because, well, there's a couple. There's one that I want to save that's going to be like a standalone episode. Because it's a long story, and I've been saving it to tell you. I've been, before we, whenever we were talking about, oh, we should do a podcast. And you're like, let's do a podcast, and I'm been saving it to tell you. I've been, before we whenever we were talking about, oh, we should do a podcast. And you're like, let's do a podcast. And I'm like, okay. You're like, let's do it next week. And I'm like, okay.

And then like three months go by. And you're like, you said we're going to do it. And I'm like, we will. I've been thinking about this story since then. But not today. Oh. I got a pretty crazy story yeah it's not that crazy but you'll find it interesting because i will or they will everybody will oh okay because you're a dad with no children you're a grass daddy and all you other grass daddies out there yeah well probably find this pretty funny so we're me and bailey were having some dinner with

our other friends last night i got so scared no uh me and bailey were having dinner with some other friends last night when i had to go to walmart and get some stuff and so we walked in there and i had to call my dad for our family recipe or mushroom rice recipe um and they brought out a whole palette of potting mix right to the front they put it on clearance You could buy a bag of potting mix for a dollar. I have never seen something more. What brand? Miracle Girl? Yeah. Oh.

I've never seen. I don't have very many potted plants, though. I've never seen something to the same equivalent of flies on shit. Like a moth to a flame? Dude, it was. Just dads and New Balances coming out of the woodworks just crawling out from under shelves and grabbed four things rice mushrooms beef consomme and uh french onion soup by the time we were walking to checkout, this fucking pallet was just, just gone down to the wood. Oh my God.

Like in a matter of minutes, like maybe a minute. Like, I don't know how people knew what was happening or people were just shopping and they're just like, fuck the groceries. We're getting pot and soil. Like the moment they dropped the pallet on the ground,

you just heard the home Depot theme song start playing over the speaker. Yeah. You just heard, like, it was like the running of the bulls, dude. It was a stampede. I felt small vibrations, tremors. There was a family that had four shopping carts. Four shopping carts. Normally they do, like like limit two per person.

I don't think they gave a fuck because that ballot was gone though. Apparently it was gone. Gone forever Aaron Hernandez. Yep. I think you've told that joke before. That's okay. No, the first one was Kobe Bryant.

Anyway, PBR. PBR, man. Kind of matches your shirt a little bit in my hat you kind of got yeah you went for the matching well you're you're doing texas and nebraska yeah i've been trying to i've been trying to do make sure i do a different carhartt shirt and different hat each time yeah i. I'm kind of running, like running out of shirts. Not really. How many shirts do you have? A lot,

but like a lot of them are like just high school shirts and just like trashy shirts. I think I've got enough different Carhartt shirts so that I could make it through like a couple months. Like, yeah, probably like eight episodes. I think I've got enough different Carhartt shirts so that I could make it through. Like a couple months? Like, yeah, probably like eight episodes. Well, some of them I can't because a couple of them I've had for a while. They're like ripped in the back for me going to take it off.

I just went, yeah, and just ripped like the next seam out. One of them has paint on it. Another one's got like a stain on it. And my white one, which is one that I had from the beginning you know how white shirts get i mean it's just like permanently stained with taco meat and tit dirt yeah i mean it's just unwearable it's just unwearable at this point i can't even wear it in public because people might or social media people people might think that social media manager has a chuckle fucks behind the camera people might think i'm drinking this pbr for a reason what okay anyways so since you took out of you since you took up most the podcast yet but i have a year and five six month old chocolate lab he's a pretty big boy and he's fucking crazy there's two things

that he has a fucking fetish of actually three things fetish yeah he has a fetish blankets no what would the word be and fixation for a fixation yeah well on bailey's side he likes to choke on bailey's stuff it is her shoes my shoes he'll probably because your shoes smell like shit he'll grab them and just like run around with them but her shoes he'll like grab them and just and rip them apart I gotta get as much of this shoe down as I can before they catch me

I tell you what I have never and I lose everything everything I think you said that last time too I have never, and I lose everything. Everything. I think you said that last time, too. Well, I'm getting back to there. Which you lost today.

No, I didn't. You left it in the cart. I left it in the cart. It's not losing it. I knew where it was. He's like, there's $3 in here. A $2 bill and a $1 bill. Anyways. Hey, I got my lucky $2 bill in there i take it everywhere you have a lucky

two dollar bill yeah that's pretty sick yeah we have that in common anyways so there's also been one thing i'm notorious for leaving behind or pretty well about keeping my sunglasses. But let me tell you, my dog just loves to take sunglasses, run around with them, and you're trying to get them from him. You're like, what were you going to go? And then you just hear. And you're like, it's got to buy another pair of sunnies. The other thing he really likes to chew on is this part right here. He likes the snapback part or strap of a, see that right there?

That's from him, but I got this one. I'll try to zoom in if I remember, but I probably won't be able to see. It'll probably be pretty blurry. He loves to just chew these. Bailey's at home. She doesn't have to work on Mondays. I get home. She's like, your dog ruined your hat, but you can still wear it.

It's got the two very closest together buttons whatever you want to call them i'm like so it's unwearable yeah or the back goes like this it's like this are you wearing it right now no it's my black one oh it's like well so essentially it'd be like this but like with the two like tightest ones oh i'm like oh the fuck am i gonna wear that without looking like a dipshit what the fuck ruger yeah what the fuck man that just reminded me of a story go ahead i'm done um my dog's a pain in the ass that's where i was going with that my my dad and my family loves this story because it's so funny so my dad as you know he comes off as a pretty gruff guy yeah why are you rubbing your hands together because i i'm not like see you take time to do shit and i'm like i think of stories like today when i was taking a piss i thought about my story of my dad and why were you thinking about your dad while you were grabbing your dick pissing

because i was thinking about the podcast i'm like what am i going to talk about you're like he gave me this he gave me this little giant buying your trousers god damn it so anyways my dad is a comes off as a pretty gruff guy but he's a softie underneath and um getting into my adulthood i'm at the point now where i'm like i can see through him and like i know his real emotions yeah so when he's acting all mad or pissed off i like to just like try to make him laugh and one way i discovered i can make him laugh is by scooping him you remember that where you go you go scoop and you'd flick their boob? You would do it to another guy,

not a girl, obviously. Because that's sexual assault. Yes. And one day, we're in the living room. This is when I was still living with my parents. And me and Maggie were sitting on the couch. My dad was sitting in his chair

with a TV tray because we were that family. And we were eating fried chicken. And so he's watching TV and he's all pissed off about something. I'm mad. I'm Rudy and I'm pissed off. And so I lean over to Maggie and I go, I bet you 10 bucks I can make dad laugh right now. And I walk over to him and I'm about to scoop him. Right when he goes to take a bite of his chicken.

And I knock that motherfucking piece of chicken right out of his hand onto the ground. And he goes, what the fuck, Jake? And I'm like, that's not how that was supposed to go. And so I'm panicking and I'm like that's not how that was supposed to go and so i'm panicking and i'm like i'm frozen i'm not like frightened he's gonna hit me but i'm like oh fuck i totally fucked that up and then he just goes we'll get it because i knocked it onto the ground and i looked down the chicken's gone i look in my peripheral vision and this little black dog is scurrying away behind the couch behind the chair billy has came along and snagged that chicken like an outfielder diving for a fly ball and she took that shit behind the chair and i just went uh millie took it and i just turned around and i walked into the

kitchen and walked downstairs into the basement pretty soon i get a ding on my phone and it's fucking maggie and she just says like taking candy from a baby i'm like you motherfucker so so whenever i told that story to, like, my uncles, and we'd be playing cards, and I'll lay down a spread, they'll be like, what the fuck, Jake? Oh, fuck. My dad loves that story now. He was so pissed off in the moment, but he loves it now.

Oh, I bet you're going to make dad laugh. What the fuck jake i fucking knocked that chicken out of his hand when i was going to scoop him and then i just panicked um so something i realized me and you have a lot in common and i was realizing today the stories you tell me about your dad and the stories I have about my dad, I'm like, holy shit. Your dad's a little more like, I'd say, like, not like, I don't know how to say it but anyways they have a lot in common because dads yeah because i feel like rudy just doesn't give a fuck if he has something on his mind he's gonna fucking say it i should tell the other story about when he was driving which one but with the air horn i'll tell that story too when you're done um and my dad is the exact same

way like he does not give a fuck where you're at and he does not give a fuck about anything so there's a this was when i was living down here and they were telling me this story. They went out for my brother and his wife and my dad and his wife my stepmother went out and

went out to dinner for Valentine's Day at Buffalo Wild Wings and I think my sister and her boyfriend, but now husband, went. And everybody else got their food. They were done eating. And my dad didn't get his food until 45 minutes. You don't want a dad to not get his food.

Because he'll say something. 45 minutes after everybody else got their food. So now everybody else is done eating. Something went wrong. Everybody else is done eating. He's like, the waitress brings it. It was a waiter. And I guess he was like a really shitty waiter.

And he's like, what the fuck, Chad? People wanted like, they were empty on beers. Like, they weren't like, he wasn't being a good server. Like, you know, you should come up and be like, hey, you want another one? Or hey, okay. Do you want some breadsticks while you're waiting? The only thing somebody can say is no. And so the guy brings out his food and my dad just looks at him goes what the fuck am i supposed to

do with this now everybody else is done oh well i'm sorry sir uh the kitchen was really packed up this evening and we misplaced your order and so my dad goes just give me a box or we gonna box so my dad got his box he threw his food in there paid and just left and then he's like the food looks like shit anyways my brother was telling me this story my dad gets in the fucking car right outside of buffalo wild wings so that's what you usually do he goes i'm fucking hungry and just opens up his box and starts eating it my god and so to this day we like to joke around with him he'd be like hey you want to go to buffalo wild wings he refuses dude to go to Buffalo Wild Wings? He refuses. Dude.

To go to Buffalo Wild Wings. That's a real thing, having a vendetta against a food place. I remember, so there's a restaurant. I can see it, though. Yeah, I mean, you have a bad experience. 45 minutes after everybody else has got their food? That's kind of like, what the fuck? And like, like he said, the guy came back and gave them. Did you say Buffalo Wild Wings?

Yeah. I had a terrible experience with Buffalo Wild Wings too. But the guy came back and got everybody like three different beers, like three different rounds. It's like, and everybody else is eating. Yeah. And my dad was like, hey, where's my food? And he's like, it's coming. It's coming.

Like, you don't fucking say we just ordered 45 like can i at least get some celery jesus starving carrots yeah my dad does not eat carrots oh he's i don't need that rabbit food he's a meat and potato kind of guy meat and potato gravy on the taters country graver gravy on everything sir yes please oh man so do you want to update about our friend that was sleep talking drunk because they just did that retreat again like last. And my dad gave me an update because he talked to one of the guys that was there. Dude, that's weird. You were just talking about that. We just talked about it.

Well, the same guy apparently got so drunk that he slipped and fell on the back patio and scraped the shit out of the side of his face. And then he went to get up and notice how i'm not name dropping this time there will be no bleeps in this episode yeah mark my words um not you mark um and he fell and scraped his face on the patio. And then he went to get up. And he fell again. And scraped the other side of his face. And then. He just slept on the back patio. They just brought out a pillow and tucked it under his head.

And he just slept out there all night. And the part that really made me laugh. That's like some college type shit. It's at Johnson's Lake. And there's so many codwoods on that property. And the part that really made me laugh. That's like some college type shit. It's at Johnson's Lake. And there's so many cottonwoods on that property. They woke up the next morning. And he was just covered in cottonwood seeds.

And he brought out his shop vac. And was just vacuuming him off while he was still asleep. He was just covered in cottonwood seeds laying on the ground. With a pillow tucked under his head that they just shoved under his head. Apparently, they got a little off the rails. Do you guys... Okay. Have you ever stepped on a cottonwood, like... I don't know what they are

But like They're like sap pods Have you seen the I don't know I don't know what they're called But they are sticky as shit Really? And at the campgrounds

They ruin everything Really? Everything I remember my That would have been funny as shit If he would have just had those stuck all over him I mean maybe he did i don't know i just apparently he was covered in cotton hey it must have made a nice blanket i mean i don't know how what the overnight temps got down to but i bet july if it was pretty fucking cottonwoods in july august my my aunt that's my

dad's sister used to live on a lake in Grand Island. And they had some cottonwood trees, and that cotton would get everywhere. And we'd go down, like, in the lake and stuff. And they just, like, had a bucket of water on, like, their back deck that we would, like, dunk our feet in whenever we went to come in the house. Because we would just have, like, cotton all over us. Really? Yeah. I miss that house.

That was a really cool house i don't know how many of you guys that are listening like fishing all two of you that one of them is me hey jake hey we had 89 the first one the first one i'd really like if you guys came back because the first one might have been a little wild for some people i feel like we're hanging it down with funny stories. Well, I mean, we had a few audio-only listeners, so people are probably... I mean, it's a lot more convenient for when you're... That was me. What?

That was our social media manager. Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you about this. So, we get in her car to drive home last night. She just... She is so weird. You would think, for somebody that has to listen to my voice every night, every day, would be like, I don't want to listen to this motherfucker on my goddamn alone time. Yeah, fucking go play Minecraft and let me... I don't know.

I like playing Minecraft. It's relaxing we've kind of developed this thing um since we started this podcast where we'll have like something funny we want to tell the other person but we'll wait because we're like save it for the podcast and i kind of in love with this method because that means i have to not talk to you as much throughout the day and i get a break get a little break from you because you're like dude i have to oh wait i'll just save it for the podcast and i get a break get a little break from you because you're like dude i have to oh wait i'll just leave it for the podcast and i'm like sounds good okay shut the fuck up um i think the i haven't the first time i had PBR was at that Stars game.

Lincoln Stars, let's go, baby. I thought about getting some seltzers. This is our season. When's the first time you had that seltzer? Like when we were going to the Stars games? Is that when it was? Yeah. Because you're like, dude, ever since you put me on the seltzers, I love those. I used to hate seltzers. But I think since we started hanging out, I was strictly like a Bud Heavy, Coors Banquet, Crown.

You know, three really comparable drinks. Captain. Like, that was like my drinks I drank. Maybe some Twisted Teas. Maybe some Bush Light. Like, a few things. in like that was like my drinks i drink maybe some twisted teas maybe some bush light like a few things like you know what i'm craving up yeah but i think we've drank about fucking pretty much like mostly every domestic beer yeah and one of the things i really wanted to do um which is something i did with like corbin and cole one time is we did a blind taste test

and we did it of like bush light bud light coors light and miller light i think and we tried to guess them and that's something i really want to do on here but i kind of want to wait to play games until i don't know i mean maybe people would want to see it maybe they don't really want to it would be kind of a hard thing for audio only listeners to get to be able to play along because there's a lot of different like games we could play on here where people could kind of like go along with it too and keep people engaged but that one would be a little bit hard to do but i've got some ideas i also stay tuned guys we're not going anywhere I want to do it but I just don't know if we have enough listeners so I'm going to bounce this off you

and I think it's good for them whoever's listening to hear it and they can comment on social media I'll leave a comment whatever bounce it off me anyways yeah I would like to talk our social media manager in to

posting like when we're going to drop the podcast or like shortly before like a couple days before and if people want to know anything about us. Or they have crazy. Has this ever happened to you? You know. Like questions. An AMA. Yeah.

Ask me anything. Yeah. Yeah. I would love to do an ask me anything. But we don't have that many viewers yet. Yeah. We could do it on Instagram. yeah we could do that and then because that would force them to watch the episode and we got to trick them into getting us views

no no your question will be asked but i feel like that would be i think that'd be a good way to get our listeners a little more involved in yeah what we're doing no yeah i totally i have like a list of podcast ideas and an ama episode i said i was only gonna have two so i'm having three okay i thought you wanted to have the dads tomorrow oh yeah i better just drink all yeah you get you got to move things along here stop drinking i need more no um when we were talking about seltzers that reminded me of so i love seltzers and um there was one night where i got a little off the rails and um i don't know if you can i don't want to touch it but because i don't want to mess anything up here. But my laptop keyboard is super crusty, and not for why you would think.

Oh, I think you told me this. My laptop keyboard is so crusty, because one night I got a little bit wayward, and I really wanted Corbin to come over so and this was when seltzers were pretty new because like back when i feel like bud light kind of paved the way maybe they didn't but the commercial quick tangent who do you think really set the seltzer game off? My bid is White Claws. Probably.

Because when the thing came out, there ain't no laws when you're drinking claws. I think White Claw probably did. Dude, I don't even know if we're supposed to say that. Why? Because the guy that said that got like fucking, like they tried to fucking sue the shit out of him. Is it like a White Claw slogan? No. This guy just came up with it.

He came up with it and then White Claw was like... You're really out of sorts over there. He was like really... He said they were after him. Like for slandering the brand? Hey, Lena, I know you're really into like. Today's topics and stuff. Who was that guy?

Who was what? The guy that said that slogan. That made the video. There ain't no laws when you're drinking claws. Well he was on YouTube. And he said. He titled the video. There ain't no laws when you're drinking claws.

And he just started doing random ass shit while drinking White Claws. And I guess White Claw tried to sue the ever-living shit out of him. He's making their brand look horrible. No, but then I think they sloganned it. After he brought it up. Or, I don't know. I don't know how it went. White Claw, if you come come after me that'd be pretty sick if you're listening to our fucking podcast so anyways so my and i have a lawyer in my family

soon to be thank you so my keyboard is really crusty okay back to that topic crusty keyboard is this the crusty keyboard um No, because it was Bud Light. Because Bud Light said, because it was Post Malone, he goes, Bud Light made a seltzer? You remember that commercial? No. Well, there's a commercial where he's at like a fridge at a gas station. And he sees a Bud Light seltzer and he goes, Bud Light made a seltzer? And I thought it would be so funny.

I was drunk. I thought it would be so funny if I had a little clip of Post Malone going, Bud Light made a seltzer? As a text notification. That's how this whole thing started. So I had Corbin come over, and he was fucking around with my laptop trying to get it. Like, took the commercial off of YouTube. Downloaded the clip.

And tried to make it as like an audio thing on my computer. And I'm pretty how you going at this point. And Cole's got like a whiskey and Pepsi on the table. And I'm being pretty erratic. And I fucking knock that thing over over and it spills right across my keyboard and corbin being an it guy computer wizard he just immediately holds the power button and shuts off my computer and tips it upside down i'm just like whoa is that gonna save it he's like i don't know meanwhile your computer's internal brain just going W.

It's like Bud Light made a No. Hey, that says something about MacBook. I mean, it's still going. The keys are really sticky though. It just goes That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. So, I don't know if you guys know.

Big shout out. I would like to shout out Jake because really I don't do much for this podcast besides show up and say funny shit and make people laugh. He's like, I love our podcast. I could do two a week. And I'm like. Because. But I'm editing and uploading it. Hey, stop interrupting.

Sorry. I'd like to give Jake a shout out because he does do all the editing the only thing I do is we film it on my phone so but I'd like to give a shout out to him because he's in the kitchen cooking up all the fucking

bleeps well I'm the one that made it for the bleeps to be necessary yeah so it's my own so and honestly i want to know i want i want to know where'd you like did you just kind of start this on the side or like start editing or did you take like classes for it or yeah so i got in this pretty rough black market ring of video editing dealers where they would pay me a lump sum of money to edit together their snuff films and it got pretty rough so then i was like i'll just post vlogs on YouTube instead. Wink challenges. I hope those videos are never found. Maybe not those

vlog videos, but some of my gaming videos are so cringe. Today we're reenacting the Red River rivalry. That one's not even the cringiest one. Can we watch them on the pod? Maybe. They're still there. Can we give me a live reaction

to the pod we can maybe do that later if people want to see it i'd be down maybe they're not as cringe as i think they are but i'm like i'm gonna be a gamer while the red river rival dude i think i deleted it to make space for this fucking podcast dude you're playing NCAA. When I was in, like, that young age of... Everybody wanted to be a streamer when I was, like, around my age. Fortnite, Fortnite, Fortnite. Yeah, I was on that

Fortnite shit, homie. And now... Did you see my trickshot video? Dude, that's... I had a crazy snipe. It's like 400 meters, dog. It was past render distance. Dome beam. It was a headshot, too. It was.

It was only a blue sniper, too. Was it? I don't know. I think so. Nah, man. I have some pretty cringe videos. And truth be told, for i for this podcast i'm not doing that much editing really it's just been um just the hassle of trying to get it uploaded

because my computer you can't hear it now but my computer is currently sounds like a 747 spooling up for takeoff because the fans are struggling to keep it cool because it's like i can't hardly record an hour of audio without killing myself okay and i'm not trying to spoil anything but our social media manager just bought a cricket and she's pretty interested why did you decide to plug that now um well depending on how much we talk her into it, we might be able to get some grass daddy's koozies. I mean, not that I would need one because they never get cold by the time I finish, or never get warm by the time I finish. But it'd be pretty cool. Sponsor videos.

With ourselves. We're getting the thumbs up. That would be pretty cool. Can you just buy like a blank template koozie on like amazon and then i bet you i don't know why you couldn't i don't know either i've never looked to buy a blank template koozie um i had to jump through a lot of hoops to recently because my, well, I should have seen it sooner because I could not for the life of me get this last episode to upload to YouTube. I could not, it kept failing 23 minutes in 23 minutes in it would like load and then

it would say failed and I'd click on it and it's would only have 23 minutes downloaded and i was like what the and i finally looked something up and it was like you might have a corrupted file or clip or something so i was like so i finally went and i looked at the 23 minute mark and there's a point where in the video it like it glitched out and i was like oh so so in the last so i just cut it out and i just like put a image of our logo over it and then it uploaded just fine oh so you actually got it up i didn't even yeah i got it up last night oh so it's way late but for youtube viewers i'm sorry that our video is up late but i got the audio versions up so people were still able to yeah just fine um but we got it up really so i think

i don't watch any podcasts on youtube i just listen to them but then if there's a part where i'm like oh my god i want to see that i'll like i'll like look at what the time stamp is on the audio and then look it up on youtube Scroll forward to that to watch that moment. Yeah. Like if they're watching a video clip or like someone's laughing really hard or something. Are you tired? Yeah, I can.

Are you on it? Dude. Going to crap one out soon? I've been. We were talking about this on the way over there. I was telling Bailey. We're already. Way over where?

We already got on this over here. Oh. My apartment. Um, we were on this, we were, we were already on this topic, but we were talking about how I feel like shit.

And it's not like, I feel like shit, like I'm like sick. Like, I have the flu, or anything like that. I just can't shit for a week and a half. But you know when you get the flu,

but you're like, your body just feels super tired because you know it's like working extra hard to like... Like your immune system is working overtime to fight off whatever is going on with you. That's how I feel. Like today at work, I was like,

man, I don't got no energy. Do you feel achy? Whenever I'm about to get sick, my body gets achy. I don't think I really... Well, it's kind of hard to tell when i've been working on irrigation for three days straight but you're the only one that can do it i got that money anyways um but yeah i don't know i'm just like i think my immune system like you said it's just working overtime and i'm just like dude this morning i was like this far from just calling into work because i was like

you really felt that bad yeah damn dude it felt like somebody's just taking a lighter like on the right side like right below my rib cage and we was just like it was like hot like right there like it just felt like somebody was just like so i just went back to bed for a little bit and then i woke up and i puked i don't know man but i'll be all right i gotta make fucking podcast dog hey hey hey yo i was worried i was gonna have to replace you this episode I gotta make a fucking podcast, dog. Hey. Hey. Hey, yo. I was worried I was gonna have to replace you this episode. But look at that.

One hour. We made it through. One hour, 45 seconds. Should we call it good? I got a little ice cream upstairs calling my name from Freddy's. Yeah, yeah. Shouts out to Freddy's. Not a sponsor.

Shout out to Freddy's, our social media manager. Camden Wellman on Instagram. Jake Killam on Instagram. And Jake Killam on... What's your TikTok? I think it's just JakeKillam11 on TikTok. No, it's DaddyLonLegs. No, that's the name, but the actual handle. Oh.

DaddyLonLegs, L-A-W legs lawn canned and wellman on tick tock yeah because for whatever reason he forgot what an m and an n that's an inside joke at school so oh yeah but yeah should we end it yeah i gotta Hopefully some grass-sided koozies. Yeah, I got to get that concrete mixer. Let's call it my name. Yeah, I got to go take a shit. I hope it happens soon because I'm starting to worry for your well-being.

Dude, I think it's coming. I think if I drink one more, smash one PBR, and just go sit on the toilet and push until i have a hernia i think we'll be good hey as long as it doesn't hit your boxers all right i think that's gonna do it guys thanks for watching audio only on spotify and apple podcast obviously here on youtube um until next time keep your trees trimmed always aerate twice a year or i may simply be a single drop of rain. But I will remain. And I'll be back again and again and again and again and again and again. Thank you.