Grass Daddies Podcast - Grass Daddies Podcast Episode 10: Own it Neal! (Feat. Ben Schmeling)

Episode Date: October 2, 2023

In this episode of the Grass Daddies Podcast Jake is joined by his good friend Ben who has a bone to pick with grass and is seeking some resolve. Jake talks about his first time drinking and the drunkest he's ever been. Ben tells a hilarious puking story and talks about the time he got his facemask bent in while playing football. Follow us on Social Media! Youtube: grassdaddiespodcast Instagram: @grassdaddiespodcast @kamdenwellmann @jakekillham Tik Tok: @kandenwellmann (yes thats how it's spelled) @jakekillham11

he goes i feel sick and you're like is it weird if this is turning me on do the audio lines hey don't say don't simulate the snap count it happens welcome to the podcast you said you're gonna be the one spitting in your mic it's already done welcome to the i already said that podcast um i'm jake this is my good friend ben aka neil aka i'm not gonna use your dead name um because we're woke over here on this podcast and uh cam is being a little bitch again he got um he went on vacation in mexico and he decided to get the flu for whatever reason i don't know why you'd want to do that when you're on vacation

in mexico and he's still sick so lena was on last week and um you seen him? I've seen him over the phone. Does he look sick? No. And he doesn't sound very sick either. So I think he's lying. So he's like, I just got back from vacation and didn't actually take any time off and I'm tired, sick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he...

I've been there. They just told me that they went to urgent care. For what? For the flu? Well, or not flu. I don't think he has the flu. He has a fever. Different F word.

Among my many favorite F words. Careful. Careful. So you're gonna... Okay. So the beer menu tonight is... Is this your favorite cocktail? Would you say?

Are you just in the mood for it? Favorite cocktail? Probably not favorite cocktail. I do a ton. I thought you were going to make it for me. I thought you were usually the guest. If I didn't have this katana... I'm done. If I didn't have this katana, I'm done.

If I didn't have this katana here in front of me. I would do it for you, but as you can see, my arms are a little shorter than everyone else's. See, Joe Rogan wouldn't have stuttered like that. You were saying before this that you felt like Joe Rogan. Two shots of vodka. There, I'll do that for you. Thank you. That looks pretty tasty. I haven't had a red bull vodka in a while well here we go so um i wanted to you are not a grass

daddy but you are a daddy so i guess i am i guess you are allowed on here. Are you good? Yeah, I was sitting at the top pretty hard in there. Looking a little strong. Backing up on you, Gibby? So I was going to ask you as you were coming up, how did my lawn look? And I want you to answer truthfully, but I do have a gun pointed at you underneath the table. Okay. Your lawn looks better than mine. The sprinklers sitting on top of the yard is a is definitely a look it's sitting on top of my drink um but the green is there um i've been watering twice a day for like the last month

uh about 10 minutes a section okay uh and it's dead in in spots oh so i'm what i was gonna ask you because you are are you you're not in a duplex it is a duplex i have neighbors i can knock on the wall and someone will hear me on the other side i was gonna ask you if you have your own irrigation clock. You do, because some places have an HOA. Yeah, we have an HOA that comes by and turns it on, but we're kind of responsible for... So you have to mow? Nope. You don't mow, but you are responsible for setting the water?

Yeah. Huh. but you are responsible for setting the water yeah and if you would come look at my yard now they spun their huge riding lawnmower on like the hill part of my yard so there's like i mean my front yard is maybe 100 square feet yeah your your front is not very big i didn't see your backyard and 20 square feet is tore up from the mowers on monday so do they have like stand on riding they stand and sit they have zero turn they have i mean they got the whole hoa contract so they're loaded but this is pretty strong yeah you just gotta punch through the top and then you're on your way then it's and then you're

home free at the bottom so um yeah so your yard looked good i think it looked really good uh especially for all the shade does i worked landscaping for like a summer and i was told that don't worry about mowing the backyard in that uh houses that have a lot of trees because the grass just doesn't grow i guess it would depend on the kind of grass it's and the irrigation 90 crab grass back there okay well if it's not favorable grass then yeah you wouldn't really care about it what do we got up front what do you got i honestly it's probably a mix of fescue rye maybe some bluegrass in there i don't know it's just kind of a mix because every time i overseed i usually use like the um sun and shade mix which is which is it's scott's sun and shade mix and it's like a mixture of like fescue and rye grass and your boss isn't watching right now are you taking that from

work or no i'm buying it at the store because if there was one thing that i would take from work that they would notice it would would be grass seed. Really? Yeah. That surprises me. I would think you guys buy it by the pallet. Well, the grass seed that I would be able to easily steal isn't worth anything. I wouldn't want in my lawn. Fair enough. Got it.

What's on our greens, tees teas and fairways is bent grass. Um, and the seeds are minuscule and I like dust. You could spread it with a salt shaker. It's super fine. And so, and we mix it with sand to fill divots. Okay. So if I wanted to, I could easily take like a water bottle and take some of that home with me but i wouldn't want that in my lawn got it um but the stuff i would want in my lawn

they come in like big yellow bags and if i was to crack one of those open and they were just like why is this one a whole bag well if i was to take a whole bag someone would probably be like i swore we had six bags almost Why is there only one? Someone was really counting it like that. We definitely ordered six bags. That's crazy. Because we don't just have like a hundred bags where they wouldn't notice one missing. We usually have like five or six where if one was missing, they're like, well, we had our order was five.

Now we only have four. I was picturing thousands of bags. So, okay. Yeah. was picturing like a warehouse full of thousands of bags so okay yeah well so let's say i have an unlimited budget what's the best way what's the best grass out there the best grass like what grass. Let's say I live on an acreage. Okay. Money is no object. I can water as much as I want.

You live on an acreage. Yep. And I want it to be the most pristine yard. Great Gatsby style. Right on the water. What am I doing? If you, if it's full sun and you have plenty of water, then you'd probably just want to go with a Kentucky bluegrass because that would look really nice.

You mow it low. What does mowing it low do? Well, it would just make it look nicer. I mean, like a picture like a baseball infield. Okay. Pristine. Yeah. Or even a golf course.

Because it would... And Kentucky bluegrass will spread out. So any thin areas will self-heal and it'll be really thick. Okay. If you didn't have as much water, then you would want like a fescue because it's very drought tolerant. The roots go deeper, so it goes deeper to look for water. Yeah, I definitely need a little more flavor in there. I'm starting to feel it.

It's a lot more drought tolerant, but so it's hardier. You don't have to maintain it as vigorously, but it's like a bunch type grass. So when you seed, you would need to be really diligent about getting it even. And then if you had like, say you guys pop out a couple more kids what and you gotta you're like i'm good with one what um and you've got a lot of foot traffic then you'd probably want to go with like a rye grass because that's very it's kind of like fescue where it's very it's drought tolerant but they say rye grass is like really hardy and i'm really about to just pull the sod up in my yard right now and put turf down

well what we what we need to do is what what all are they responsible for all right so here's what they do they sign this huge contract with the whole hoa okay and other properties apparently and so in the spring they throw something down. It's like you've seen. So they fertilize. I don't know what they're throwing down. It could be empty. Honestly.

It could be cat litter. They come with a Ford F-150. They roll this riding fertilizer off. This is the most we've talked about grass on this podcast. It came as the other one that works on a golf course with me. Well, I have a bone to pick with grass. Okay. This is the spot I'm going to do it.

This is the place to take it up. Yeah. So, yeah. So they unload this thing, this fertilizer. Your voice is cracking like a motherfucker. It's bad. How can you have a kid when your ball's just dropped? You'd be surprised.

You could. Got though? Just ignore him. All right. I'm trying to. Anyways, so then he drives, but it's not like back and forth through the yard. It's one pass. So he's either throwing it really thin or maybe not throwing anything at all which is so

it's a riding spreader yep okay yeah well that's we have one of those we have one of those they have a pretty decent throw in your front yard from what i saw of it he could probably easily get it in one pass okay and you can always up the spreader setting to throw more. So there's that. How big is your backyard? 200 square feet. So your backyard's tiny also. It is also tiny.

So they mow all summer. They come on Mondays. They spend the whole day at our HOA mowing. And they, like when it's really dry, they just keep lowering the deck down so they can see where they mowed. So, like, in the middle of July, my grass was like half an inch tall. Oh, my God. And they smoked it. And that's why i have all that clover and crab and everything because i couldn't water enough because they just butchered they scalped it down and then so

if you win if you want in on the gossip the ho ended up firing these people and they got a 90 day notice and now they're like it's worse now like So is no one maintaining it? They are. But it's horrible. It's like they're not doing people's yards. They're, like, turning really hard in their huge equipment, ripping people's yards up. Yeah. They're going way too fast. So, and I don't think any of them when do they mow in the morning

monday morning monday morning and most people water sunday monday morning sunday night so uh it's wet and they're just tearing it up and there's no way i i will bet my life that they've never sharpened those more blades. Oh. And I know that's rule number one. Yeah. Do you know why you want your blade sharp exactly? The vacuum.

Not necessarily. All right. So. I don't know then. I just got a text from Bailey about game. He's getting on a steroid and an antibiotic. Come on, Cammy. Stairway to heaven.

Come on. He's going to be pumping iron. Is it the same kind of steroid? Is it a different kind of steroid? Or is it the same thing but lower dose? Wow. I don't know. I don't know either.

I would think it's the same. I don't know i don't i would think it's the same because i don't know either anyways if you have a dull mower blade if you have a dull mower blade it's just gonna like picture it like cutting versus ripping it's obviously gonna cut the grass off when it's a blade that's spinning really fast but if it's not a clean cut and you'll see the end is kind of like frayed like a string that's frayed versus if it's sharp and it's a clean cut it's healthier for the grass because if it's frayed like that then it starts drying out right that tip yeah i mean it's gonna it's gonna make your lawn look a little like more yellowy and also you're um it's more susceptible to disease oh so if you're watering too much when it's really hot

out you could get some turf disease in there yeah i'm definitely in the in the disease phase of my heart really i'm so i'm soaking it i'm soaking it well it's been cold recently so you're probably good but i'm good if they don't spray do they do they spray for weeds no well they'll come so as we were talking about before they do the fertilizer they mow during the summer then the middle of summer they do the same thing they did in the spring and then in the middle of summer, they do the same thing they did in the spring. And then in the winter, they aerate. I was going to say, do they aerate? Yeah. Then they actually, I see stuff on my driveway and on my sidewalk seed and fertilizer maybe when they do that.

And obviously. In the fall? Yeah. And the plugs. I was going to say. So did they already do it? No. I don't think they're going to.

And they're in charge of blowing out our sprinklers so that's not gonna happen if that doesn't happen then you're in for it that's not gonna happen well and i hate to break they're not they're not everyone's in for it because it's all one big connected system yeah yeah we're all it's bad it's really bad so i i appreciate a good yard when i see it because i don't have it and i might not ever have it there and i'm i'm happy with that well i will see to it that you have a premium i mean it's fucking 500 square feet of jesus christ i could easily maintain 300 300 feet so enough grass talk because all not to garbage, not to be sexist or anything, but all our female listeners are like, Jesus Christ, where's the funny stories? Get to it.

So in the spirit of you dumping more alcohol into your drink, I wanted to talk about a little bit about drinking on this episode because you are actually the first person I ever got drunk with. That's a, folks. He was actually 21 the first drink he had. Which is wild in and of itself. Was I 21? It was your birthday. It was? It was your birthday.

So, okay. How much of this story do you want to tell? As much of it as? I don't care. No, like you personally, because I'll take it wherever you want me to take it. Okay. Or do you want to tell as much of it as i don't care no like you personally because i'll take it wherever you want me to take it okay or do you just want me to chime in you just chime in here and there and i'll tell you what i kind of remember and i'm sure you'll remember other certain details um so and i hate to say this but part of the reason why I wanted to start drinking was out of spite for a girl, which...

It's the best reason. I mean, to some, it may be a stupid reason. I started because I found out Kim Possible wasn't real. Crushed me. You're telling me that animated cartoon isn't a real person? Killed me when I was 12. You started drinking when you were 12? No, no.

I was just thinking about that time. No, no, I was just thinking about that. Yeah. You're not. Oh, fuck. All right. So a girl broke your heart. So I'm like,

and she happens a lot because she knew, and that's a whole other story. I'll say for another time on a different podcast, but, or a different episode, I was very against drinking yep going through high school and my freshman year of college and she knew that i was very against drinking and i was like you know stupid you know petty behavior of an immature person i'm gonna make them realize how much i love them yeah they're gonna miss this something that you know oh my gosh if he's willing to drink for me everyone listening right now knows

exactly everyone can relate to this feeling so i had this plan with you i'm like we're gonna go drink and i'm gonna get drunk and so we went to wildwood and so we had been here a couple times it was a little spot we had a little we had a little a i know a spot kind of situation and it's a spot a shitty campground and out in nebraska yeah so we'd been here a couple times off the beaten path it's pretty secluded over there and um get away with a lot so you brought the tent and you just you filled a cooler yeah full of shit and i actually still on my notes i i'm pretty sure you have the list of what you want i kept a record of everything that i drank oh yeah because you when you started fading you you're like, I'm going to count my drinks.

I was like, I have a drink. This and this and this and this and this. I think it's like, yeah, it's the very. Very first note. 2017. I loved her so much. Five Mike's, two Henry's hard sodas, one Bud Light Lime, one Corona, three Red's Apple Ales, and one Bud Light. If you're doing the math at home, go ahead and shoot me a text to what number that is.

Five, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen. Thirteen drinks. Thirteen drinks. In about five hours because you were passed out at like 11 p.m. You did not hit midnight. So we were. You passed out. Jesus Christ.

You passed out in your chair. Do you remember that? No, I did not hit midnight so we were you passed out christ you passed out in your chair do you remember that no i did not you did you were sound asleep i was like do you want to go in the tent buddy you're lying there's no way let's get there let's get all right all right so we went to the lake i'm pretty sure um i don't know if I should be naming names or not. Do first names so I can follow along. Okay. So we were at the lake part, the swimming area first. Was this at Branch Doak? Yes.

Did we go from Branch Doak and then to Wildwood? Yes. So we were at the swimming area at Branch Doak. And Harry was with us, I i'm pretty sure had a few mics there um i'm pretty sure that's when we were watching videos of og mud bone in the parking lot i forgot about that yeah yeah and harry was like he goes i feel sick and you were like is it weird if this is turning me on i'll let you google search that um

and find out for your own what we're talking about but then we ended up camping i don't know if this is the same night as the taser or not no i don't think it was because we've been there a couple times to camp yeah we uh that was that was the spot that was the spot yeah which which is where we were when i drank we were at the spot yeah uh there was maybe one it's not like it's a secret. I mean, there's a fire ring there. Not anymore. I was just out there.

We need to go back there. We can't. We can't revisit it. We can't. They have it closed off. Like that spot? Like that section? The whole east side of the lake.

Can't get on it. I thought it was the west side. I have no idea. It was southeast. it. I thought it was the west side. I have no idea. It was southeast. West would have been over by the reeds. Either way. Not a good camping spot. So I just remember sitting at this fire,

pounding these drinks, and... Yeah, it was an 80-quart cooler full of booze. There was two of us. And you bought, like, six 12-packs of assorted different things. Anything I get my hands on. I was excited for you. You're like, you're going to want to try this and this and this. And I was just drinking like a fish.

Yep. And I do remember at one point going, why does my head feel so heavy? Yeah. And this is when I was starting it was one in no it was not that was a joke that was okay okay i thought you had to get you had you had to stop getting so offensive you're making me nervous i'm a very offense of a defensive person i can tell um but um i i do remember it taking a few to feel a little bit of a buzz yeah i wonder why that is i think maybe it's because you were you're also at that time the same size you are now plus

you were play you were still playing football at that point were you were you know you were not maybe you were at least working out though so yeah I definitely wasn't the same size as in probably at least 50 pounds lighter than I am now. Clean liver. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say, my liver was not blackened at all. It went through that first two and was like, all right, what's next? Yeah, it just burned it. And you're like, here's eight more.

It burned it like it was nothing. It burned it like it was nothing. Yeah, so I would say you were probably four down. Four guzzled before you're like, my head just feels heavy. And I remember at one point I got up and I went to go get another thing out of the cooler and I opened it. And when I leaned over to reach in, I kind of stumbled a little bit. And I'm like, this is a new experience for me. I haven't felt this before.

Your motor skills are kind of checking out a little bit. Yeah. I did not pass out in my chair. You did. And it was well before midnight. For some reason, I don't know why I remember that. We went in the tent and we watched Forrest Gump on your iPad when I got you up

oh my god you were like no I just needed I just needed to relax and I was like okay you're good and then you're like what do we do now I was like well we could watch a movie or something okay maybe I mean that very well could have happened

and then yeah we watched Forrest Gump the whole thing we both were up for that whole movie Okay, maybe I, I mean, that very well could have happened. And then we, yeah, we watched Forrest Gump. The whole thing. We both were up for that whole movie. I don't remember, I don't remember the whole movie. Yeah, because it finished and then we're both like, well, I guess we should go to bed or something. No, no, no. That's when you called in sick to work.

No, I called in in the morning. Oh. Because I was supposed to be there at 3 a.m. And that was pretty much, that was pretty much when we went to bed this was when this is when i worked at crispy cream worked at crispy cream and um do you want to shout out anyone just kidding i know you hated that uh no uh yeah so uh i i was the morning guy so i would get there at three and i'd make all the fresh donuts so i was supposed to be there at 3. You were many people's hero.

Yeah. Well, that was the problem, was I was making like $11.50, and I was the man. You were the guy. I was doing more than GM and managers combined. And if I recall, there was a certain redneck family that you were like jesus christ himself to them because you told me there is like a what or might not redneck but just like a white trash family and you said there was like a mom dad and kid and they each got cody yeah they each got a dozen glazed per person for themselves. A dozen.

Yeah, with the hot light on, yeah. When the hot light was on, they were there. They were camping out like we were at Wildwood. I don't want to exaggerate, but they were there for probably 310 days out of 360 days a year. Oh my God, what did they do? What time in the day did they come? It varied.

You could tell sometimes they were coming from church. You could tell sometimes they were coming from church you could tell sometimes they were coming after on their trailer park you could tell sometimes they're i mean it was it varied but i somehow was always there sometimes i would have afternoon shift here they come they could have been coming twice a day to get their three dozen donuts oh my god that's so many donuts yeah uh anyways so i was i was all krispy kreme had well for a while it was harrison ryan and i but once harrison and ryan left i was it and this this was at this point when we went on this camping trip for a while yeah and reed reed worked there yeah and derrick uh but they didn't they weren't in

production so they worked like cashier oh okay they didn't make any donuts well derrick derrick did like randomly one time and then they're like they pretty much fired a guy because derrick was able to make donuts that's a different story story. We can... We'll leave that. Moving up the line at Krispy Kreme. Yeah, can you imagine? The hierarchy. So...

I was making holes, but now I'm making real donuts. I was making cake donuts, and now I'm into the yeast donuts. Yeast. That's a step up.

Can I get a gluten-free donut? You realize you're at Krispy Kreme, crispy cream right yeah you can go outside and take some of that clay and build yourself a donut that's gluten-free so um you called in i called in at like i don't know we the sun was out it was probably 8 a.m it was when we woke up and you're like what should i say and i was like just tell me you got it coming out both ends like which is like an expression that you use like oh i got it coming out both ends but you called and you're like yeah i can't make it in i got it coming out both ends like you literally said

i got it coming out both ends yeah and um and and the really not going in yeah the i'll never feel bad but the manager always has to cover when the production guy doesn't show up. So our main manager was Nate. So Nate usually got there at 5, which is 30 minutes before they open. So he got there at 5, realized I wasn't there. And was like, we have no donuts made. Yeah, to get the hot light on because it's like some big corporate. This could have been a lie, but I was fed this lie, and I believed it.

Was there's this corporate thing where the hot light comes on at open every day. It is on, and you better have hot donuts right there on the conveyor. And I believed it. it could be a lie there's been times where i've drove by at like 6 30 a.m and that light isn't on and they're open so that's criminal you're fired donald trump style so we talked about the first time i ever got drunk now i want to talk about probably the drunkest i've ever been which you were also present for is that at the tailgate what tailgate the colorado tailgate no okay keep going no you weren't at that where we had the keg of angry orchard and we cruised through it uh-uh i wasn't at that? Uh-uh. Where we had the keg of Angry Orchard and we cruised through it?

Uh-uh. I wasn't there. That's wild. I thought you were there. The time I probably got my drunkest was at the X Street house. The house. You know, the house. I know the house.

I'm trying to think of the situation before you bring it up. Oh, okay. Go ahead. It was just any night where oh you know it was random we we freak i mean we frequented this house and it was a crack spot it was the spot you hung out there quite a bit um but it was kind of one of those spots i was like made there everyone was at college age some people were at in college here some underage college there some people shouldn't have been drinking and were drinking illegally um some people you know weren't in college but everyone hung out at the spot and it was pretty much every saturday was not necessarily a huge house party but everyone was kind of coming over yep to hang out and drink definitely getting it figured out

over there i wish i didn't have to like i'm like looking through this thing looking through this thing at you peering through a window over there um so let me let me see how much you remember okay because i remember and i remember everything from this night okay up until the car ride home this is only this is only at the x street we weren't somewhere before that we know we well okay that never was it down for me well not with you and me but in general we got good sense before we ate do you remember that one time we went and got good sense i don't know if um no i remember uh josh w was

with us he was there i can't remember if he was there or not we went to good sense together i've you me uh probably derek and i don't remember who else we went to good sense okay and keep going we went to good sense and then we were hanging out it might have been been like a husker saturday but um basically evening was closing in we're hanging out in the basement um and then we start taking shots and we're taking shots of dark tequila does my bar exist your bar might have been down there okay um i think this is when this is tough was i also hammered was this the night i had the bottle of jack daniels and chased it with a 12 pack of mics because no i don't think so i ruined carpet that night i ruined bath mats that night i ruined the toilet seat that night were you into your naked phase at this point where you like to get naked when you get super drunk i was naked at like 7 p.m that night yeah i don't know what happened in my life i gotta

show you this video i don't know if i've showed it but it was one night where you just were pounding natty lights just pounding them and nobody was drinking but you were just pounding them yeah and then pretty soon we're just like where's um bj i'm not saying the dead name we're like where's he at and i go and look in the bathroom and you're praying to allah on the toilet i'm sacrificing yeah i'm sacrificing something to the porcelain gods like absolutely just prostrated but while sitting on the toilet just naked but this wasn't that night okay so we're pounding dark tequila and he had those he had those shot glasses that were like the tall yeah the two ounce i don't know if they were two or at least yeah at least one one a half. There were at least 1.5s. And I think I had at least,

I think I had at least eight. Maybe more. Eight shots? At least. And the reason why, because we kept going up there. We're like, shots, shots. Everyone would go up in the kitchen

and we had lime wedges. We'd go, and then I would just. Who were you? So they were just going down like were you dating any guests of the house at this point no okay you mean sarah i wasn't dating sarah at this point but i think rachel we're name dropping so many people but we're not like i've listened to this podcast okay yeah shocking you're you're one of the i'm an awl you're an awl yeah you're an a-list listener you're a diamond elite club listener when you guys say names i don't even

think think the wiser yeah i i couldn't tell who you're talking about let alone anybody else like no one's texting being like oh my god did you see this we're not the kardashians i'm okay also the kanye thing was a setup it wasn't actually kanye so i'm pretty sure rachel was living here at this point if not was there a weird period before she technically lived there where she was coming over a lot no she was only there when she lived there yes okay i'm pretty sure she was living there at this point okay so i don't this none of this rings a bell so far well let's see if it jogs your memory a little bit um when i could probably get naked this party no well while i was there you. Okay. So we're taking these

shots of tequila and it was dark. Whatever kind of tequila it was, it was dark. And I remember at one point someone set a shot down on the counter and I was like, I'm gonna be funny and take it before everyone because we're all taking them together. And I took it.

And it was either you or someone else was just like, well, now you gotta take another one because you didn't take it with us I was like okay yeah because I'm dumb well that so this is why my number got up so high because I was being you were doubling down a lot and someone had like a little thing of kinky I took a shot at kinky I was taking lots of shots and I was just like I was so overconfident I was like I, I'm a big guy. I don't feel it. I don't feel anything. It takes a lot to get me drunk. Yeah, this is now coming back to me.

And so we had that mini fridge at the bottom of the stairs that you had beers in. Yeah, yep. And I was like, okay. And we're both just like, ha ha, liquor before beer. You're in the clear. Yeah, you were not in the clear so uh far from it so i might stop talking because sometimes is this distracting a little bit well because the mic picks up a lot when it's vibrations going through the boom like that it's gonna sound like it's gonna sound like robots having sex

hey the key is to not over tighten it, but to use leverage. That's what you said before here. It is about leverage. Maybe we should like stick a shim under there or something at some point. Yeah, I'm thinking if you got a piece of wood

of some sort, thin piece of wood. Do we need it now or do you think you can do it later? I can hold it. We're good. Play on. Honestly, if you can hold it, if you can maybe screw it down to your dick or something to hold it.

So anyways, beer at the bottom of the stairs. I finally... if you cut from me starting to mess with that like that'd be pretty funny uh tragedy ensued so what happened was i was like okay i think i'm finally starting to feel a little buzzed after taking like eight shot and a half double shots of dark tequila yep and and starting in on beer just biting a lime no this so i was like i think i'm finally starting to feel a little bit buzzed okay so i'm like now and i remember we're just like all right now we start drinking beer. And you're like, yep, now we start drinking beer. So I just started pounding beer. Yeah.

Just chugging it. Like, my first one, I was just chugging it. You were thirsty. I was thirsty. All that tequila had me parched. And I remember I was being so loud. I have a video of someone over there that was playing beer pong.

I got Trace to come over. Was Dylan Brockhouse there? Might as well. You're going to have to bleep that out. He's one of my friends. Okay. Was he there? I don't know. I don't know who all was there okay i do know that trace was there trace didn't always come to these places and i kind of had to convince him and it was a lit

like um i think trace had a good time well because he was there after okay so he showed up he had his two mcchickens and he was high just the trace special yeah and what happened was i went he was sitting on the couch eating his mcchickens and i went over to him and i sat down next to him on the couch and i went oh my god i'm so fucking drunk and i tipped over on my side and i sat back up and i was like oh fuck and i immediately was like i need to leave now because it all hit me at once like a you were sick i i went over to my side and i sat up and i was like i'm beyond too drunk at this point and I need to leave. And I went over and I told your wife, I was like, cause she was there and I was just like,

I need to leave. She's like, huh? I was like, I'm calling my sister to come get me right now. And she's like, are you good? And then I think she must've got you and Ryan,

because at that point I called Maggie, I called Maggie and I was like, I'm really drunk at this party, and you need to come get me, and I told her where to come, and I went upstairs, and I was sitting in the living room, and it was dark in the living room. There was nobody up there, because everyone was downstairs, and I remember you were by me, and Ryan was by me, and I think you guys were probably getting me water, and Ryan was like, just keep peeing, and it'll sober you up, up and i'm just like that's not how it fucking yeah that's science i'm like yeah that makes a lot of fucking sense just like your skeletal structure

greater clip that for him and send it to him maggie eventually came and got me and then she said all i remember is or well she remembers that ride very vividly um but she's like yeah so uh ben ben came out what had his hand on each one of your shoulders and you're a good head shorter than me so at least so you're just like walking me to her car and i'm swaying like this yeah and you're just like all right here we go here we go walking me down to her car didn't she have like a tiny car too i think that's when she was still driving her chevy cobalt so yeah it was just a little white because i'm pretty sure did you not bash your head getting in you'll have to ask her very well i think that you did and then i was like oh he's gonna throw up now well you can

ask her about this because this is what happened i got down in the car and she goes have you thrown up yet and i was like no and i was like well i'll just roll down the window in case i have to so i rolled down the window and she starts driving i was like i'll just i'll just throw up out the window if i have to and she's like well do you have to and i was like no and then i like looked up at the road and it was going like this yeah and i was like so many pretty lights and i was like now i do yeah and she got like to the end of the street at a yield sign yeah and i got out and she said it was like someone took a five gallon bucket full of water and just dumped it yeah she's like i've never seen or heard so much liquid come out of a person before i i just projectile vomited just just liquid yeah

that you hit i mean you went from buzz to hammered to dizzy you know i went i went from slightly buzzed to fucked up to sick yeah and those were the three stages i've been there that happens you go you go through that drink that much hard alcohol quick and it doesn't hit you right away Yeah. And those were the three stages. I've been there. That happens. You go through that. It's because you drink that much hard alcohol quick and it doesn't hit you right away. And then it hits you at once. It hits you like a fucking wall. Yeah.

Like running into a wall. Yeah. And then, and this is the embarrassing part that I don't really care about now. I was like kind of crying in the car. And I was like, I'm doing this because I'm a fucking girl. Oh, I'm so stupid and then she took me back to my parents and i slept on an air mattress in their uh living room and she put the office on the tv for me to fall asleep to or to pass out to uh and i did yeah hard all right do you want a vomit story or the drunkest I've ever been?

You pick. Let's have the fans decide. Go ahead and text 0800. Oh, the cat is voting for us. She's on it. She wants the throw-up story. Alright, so it was the first. What the fuck? Where is the sound coming from?

I don't know. Just turn it down or something. I think he played something off of iTunes or something. It's not logged in. Oh my god. This is out of sorts. Maybe the cat doesn't want to hear a vomit story. Drunkest I've ever been?

Is that the one you want? No, it's not the one you want. You want the vomit story. Just let it be. Like Lil Wayne said. They tipped over my ice over here, too. This isn't going to soak anything up. Try it out.

All right, so. I'll just set it soak anything up. Try it out. All right. I'll just set it down. I forgot that there was even a spill there. I don't see anything. Okay. What's the Drunkies Vomit Band? You want that one instead of my Vomit one? They're both pretty good.

Well, which one's shorter? Yeah. All right. Probably the Vomit one is shorter, but barely. Tell that one real quick. All right. shorter but barely tell that one real quick all right so first saturday in february um i was going over to sam o's house to help his uh help him build his basement yeah and uh i wake up that morning not feeling too hot but you know you're at his house

not yet i woke up at my house oh not feeling and you were going to go over there to help him. Yep, we're going to start building. I'm feeling great. Derek and my brother are there. And at my house already, they spent the night. We played video games all night. Anyways, we went over. We drove to Sam's, and I'm getting worse by the second.

Every time I blink, I'm like, this might end in me dying. What were you feeling? Were you, like, a headache or just stomachache? My entire body was going numb. Like, my arms were going numb. My legs were going numb. Oh, my God. My neck was going numb.

Bad. Bad, bad, bad. Then I felt like I was going to be sick. Like, puke., bad, bad. Then I felt like I was going to be sick. Like puke. Really sick though. Like I don't usually get sick. Like this is an uncontrollable surge. Yes.

Taking over my body. And heat waves too. Like I was feeling like there was. Oh my god. So your body's like shutting down. I'm telling you every second it was getting worse. Well because I feel like you must have had the onset of something so bad that your my immune system was just it's firing firing on all cylinders trying to put a stop to whatever is happening to you it's praying i go get some sleep

but i'm not it was like six in the morning we're walking around yeah we're walking around sam's basement and i feel i i'm like i need to go outside because I'm about to blow chunks hard. Okay, so are you an outside puker or are you a back puker? I'm not throwing up enough to decide. It's wherever's closest because I hold it so bad because I hate it so much. You hate throwing up? Yeah, sometimes I'll have to throw up, and I'll just hold it. I because I hate it so much that sometimes I'll have to throw up, and I'll just hold it. I'll just gut it.

Oh, my God. That's how much I hate it, yeah. I used to run the 400, and by like 200 meters after a full sprint, I felt like I'm about to blow chunks here, and I would gut it all the way to the finish line. And by the time I got there. What you got to do is just spew it in the other lane. I could. the finish line and by the time I got there I could I hate it so much

I just wouldn't do it anyways so we're walking around I'm like I need to get outside so I'm outside I'm on all fours I can't stand I can't feel my legs I'm dead why didn't you just say hey I, I'm not feeling well. I can't come over. Well, because this is coming a little bit off of COVID a little bit, and they may or may not have been a little wary of the disease. So I didn't want to alarm anyone. Derek drove us out there.

I turned to Derek. We went out there to see what we needed to buy at Home Depot. So I get up, and I'm like, I need to go home. I need to go home. But that was just in my brain. I didn't tell anybody that. And I get back in, and they're kind of like, we need 96 2x4x10s. We need this and that.

96? They did their entire basement. It was an unfinished basement. We had to frame it. They added three new rooms. We went through probably 296 two by fours like their math was so wrong but i wasn't in the mood to do any of this today so i was like yeah whatever i don't care whatever you guys need to get at home depot because it's just going to be you guys it's not going to be me even though i'm the one that was supposed to do the project that's pretty much headlining um but it wasn't gonna be me at all so um spoiler alert so um we go to um we go to derrick's truck and i'm like okay finally i can relax because i'm not gonna

puke in front everybody if i pu I puke as we're driving. We're good. No biggie. Derek's seen it before about a thousand times. So we're getting in. And then Sam's like, I'll go to the store with you so that I can buy everything, which is fair and true and just. But it's not what I had in mind. Yeah.

So then I go back inside so i can puke really quick yeah i turn on lock lock out mode i turn it on i'm like i'm not throwing up i need derek to take me home right now car yep i turned it on and it made it unbelievably worse because you were thinking about i was thinking i was thinking about it you know how it gets like right here and you're like i could just do it yeah that's where it gets like right here and you're like, I could just do it. Yeah. That's where it was. I could just let go and let it go.

So if you don't know where Sam Adi lives, he lives at 399. It's a little bit far out of town. And we make it all the way in town. And I'm like, I got this. I can make a home. I can do it. Because was your plan to just be like uh matter of fact why don't you just drop me off at my house yeah we were we got into Lincoln and I was like Derek

just take me home and he's like I got it because he could tell like I was I was white I was flushed there was like no color in my hands it was I was out I was done Derek could see that I was really struggling he knew he just wanted me to tell him that I was dead because I was done. Derek could see that I was really struggling. He knew. He just wanted me to tell him that I was dead. Because it doesn't happen. It simply does not happen. He's never going to be like take control and take you somewhere without you giving him the...

Unless it's the insane asylum. Then he'll take me right there. Okay. So his mic just cut off. For whatever reason Lena's computer decided to stop recording, but we're back! Okay, I'll stop getting into that so I can finish this story. So we're into Lincoln and um yeah I want Derek to just take me home. I tell Derek take me home right now. Do it.

And he's like okay boss, I got it boss i got it got it got you and uh so we're on superior and if you don't know superior very well it goes 14 27 33 48 yeah okay we're at 27th and superior yeah and old eye out the puke is in my eyes. Your eyeballs are floating. Yeah. I'm there. I'm like, you know what? We're at 27th and we're in the way left lane because we're trying to get all the way to my house. Oh, yes. And I'm like, you know what, Derek?

I could really use a drink. Why don't you stop at the U-Stop? Oh, I thought you were going to say, roll the window down. No. Because, again, I can't do it in front of sam there's just something about you it's it's such a it i think i think what it is is it's like a biological response it's like a caveman like it is alpha male it is a very vulnerable position to be in and i don't want to be seen it's like the dog looking at you while it takes a shit. Yeah.

That's me puking. I'm looking at you. I want your help. Hold my hair. Except you don't want to be looked at. Stop right now. Get me in that parking lot. I'm about to give these gas station patrons a show. I'm about to let it rip in this

bathroom i know it's a nice bathroom it's nice enough to puke in because people can still come in while i'm blowing chunks you know i'm not locking the door nobody can come in and take a piss there's a little stall for number two and there's a urinal so you know in and out i'm pretty sure you're walking in some guys like guy's like, how you doing? You're like, pretty good. So, well, you might have just told the end of the story. Oh, no. No, you didn't. But it's worse.

Oh, good. So we're on Superior. And if you can imagine, you can't turn right into this U-stop from Superior. You have to go around. You have to take another extra half a mile to get to this U-stop. You turn left, and then you drive down probably a couple blocks, and then you turn left. Yeah, it's awful. It's awful.

It's awful when you can't really... I'm good, because now I no longer have to make it home. I just have to make it to U-stop. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. You've set in your mind, this is the destination where i would like to release yep and uh you've overcome that mental hurdle where it's gonna happen yep yeah so now you just have to get there but my eyes are still floating yeah yeah so derek not really knowing what was going on knew something was happening

but didn't know really you didn't say derek i need to puke nope you just were like derek i don't feel well yep and that was just him and i as we were leaving and i was like just let's go right now and he's like i got you he didn't know so this isn't his fault he's just he's such a good wingman he's great yeah he's the best yeah he's a good he's a good, uh, he's just a good partner in crime. Anyways. If I could pick out two guns to have in my holster, Derek Bain would always

be one. Always. There you go. Always. Anyways, so, I don't blame him for this, but it was his fault. So, so. You have to make him listen to this episode he'll listen he'll listen so we're we're turning off superior we're going to where you have to spin around and i'm looking at that substation that's sitting right there i'm like you know what that actually looks

better that's closer substation yeah you know what a substation is right it's like a power it's like a where fenced in power is The power that comes up over Oh, so you're further down You're past 27th We're past 27th, yeah, you stop right there on 33rd Oh, I thought you were talking about Turning left onto 27th

No, no, no, we kept going You're further down I get you I would bring you a turn if you wanted to go to North Star Yep, yep so you know that's kind of yeah i know what i know what you're talking about now by the by that uh dealership yeah you know the one that went out of business because of the mayor oops all right so um so we flipped the ue there and i'm staring down that substation i'm like this is perfect

pull in there but like because if i if i if I arc it right I might just die and then I don't have to face her out the people seeing me puke yeah but I don't say anything verbally oh my god this cat is a menace. Okay, keep it moving. Keep it moving. Earth to Martin. You said this was a shorter story. It is, dude. The drunkest I've ever been was like a three day affair.

Three days! Alright, back on track byot or wait get g so you see o t g b o t get back on track yep so i see the playground the forbidden playground as i like to call them i say hey look there's a playground yeah and i'm like what is that and i'm like you would die if you climbed on that oh i'm yeah okay i don't know i don't know you're the electrical guy um so um i i'm staring at it. I'm like, you know what?

I'd really much rather puke in there. But I don't say anything. So, Derek keeps driving. And after this U-turn, it's in my mouth. And we're pulling into the U-stop. And Sam is like, hey, is that Dave Ringler? And it was. Who? Dave Ringler.

Who is that? I don't know. Somebody that Sam knows. Oh, okay. So is he following you this whole time? No, he was at U-Stop. And this is going to become very crucial when this very next part comes. So Derek pulls into the U-Stop parking lot.

I open the door and immediately, like imagine the five-gallon bucket thing, but at like a thousand velocity. And it was mostly water and the apple I had the day before. All I ate the day before was an apple. And it was like i swear i swear i chew apples better than that but if you went to that you stopped that

day you're like damn this guy's swallowing this apple whole if you wouldn't went there you probably could have if you picked up all the pieces you probably would have been able to glue it back together yeah probably and um that goes on for like six or seven minutes and Sam and Nick have no idea

what's going on they're sitting in the back seat and I'm just hurling like they're like what is going on right now so you guys were all in the car together

we're all together oh okay I didn't make it inside the used stop I just leaned over the second the door opened you were it was coming out yeah go go go go go have I told you I didn't make an inside view stop. I just leaned over. The second the door opened, you were...

It was coming out. Yeah. Go, go, go, go, go. Have I told you this story before? No. Okay, so when I opened the door, that's when Derek started yelling at me. He's like... Uh-uh.

He's like, go, go, go, go, go, go. But I was like... I was picturing a military maneuver. Everyone move out. Derek didn't even get into a parking spot. He pulled into the parking lot and didn't even turn to park. I was busting that door open, and I was immediately turned off. He's like, so what are you going to get to drive?

Oh! Mind if I come in? No. Yeah. So, anyways. He grabbed me by the door. Sam and Nick told me this afterwards, but Sam was like sinking in his chair because it looks like these college kids were out drinking all night, Friday night,

and they show up and one kid's just blowing chunks in the parking lot. Yeah. Nonchalant. So, Sam's sunk in his seat. Nick is just like, is that puke he's so confused what else would it be because he's like it was the most violent thing he's like I've seen a ton of violent like NFL hits and like it was the most whatever happened because I was like I was screaming when this was coming out. Ah! Yeah. I couldn't feel most of my body at this point.

I was numbed up. Maybe you were just actually possessed and you were like literally puking out a demon. Damn, you're right. I mean, if you were screaming... Why does my phone say it's an hour earlier than it is? You probably just need to... Maybe because you drive so many places that your phone probably adjusts to that time. Because iPhones don't automatically...

I was in Ainsworth. I know, but since you do that all the time, maybe your phone just got messed up over the course of switching time zones. Anyways. So you puked out a demon. And it was clear. It was like like water and then I got back so then I finally once I like there was probably five minutes of pure puke like but you know when your stomach has nothing left and you're still trying to throw up yeah that was like four minutes of it so I climb out of the truck and I'm like I need to make sure I didn't puke in the truck. I need to make sure we're all good.

Didn't get any on me. We're all good. So I hop back in. I'm like, I actually feel fantastic now. You're like, let's build a fucking basement. I was like, let's get me home, please. Because you're like, I need to lay down. So I blame this on concussions.

One, I can't do somersaults. I can't do upside down rides anymore. But after that. Because you think something got affected in your. I think I still have brain bleed. You get motion sickness. Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. Brain bleed. Yeah, I think it's just so minor that it's just like, yeah, you can't do certain things now. So you get motion sick. Basically you can't watch YouTubers do video games for more than five seconds without wanting to throw up. Oh, like if you're watching,

if I'm watching like a streamer. Yep. If I'm watching someone and they're like moving around like that, I'm sick. I'm sick right away. Right away. Somersault. You want me to do a somersault i remember hearing about you doing somersaults or whatever with the wrestling guys and i threw up i remember i do remember that yeah wow it yeah if i if i'm awake if like when i get

tired which doesn't i can go pretty far. But once I get tired, if I stay up five more minutes, I get a pounding headache that makes me nauseous. Like, you've got to listen to, so you basically, you've got to listen to your brain. I have to follow the rules, yeah. You've got to listen to your brain. Yep. When your brain says you're tired, you need to go to sleep. Yeah.

So, and I blame concussions for that or probably these are wild i mean probably a lingering brain is just wild in general i mean and like the like the mine isn't i mean two brain cells left well but i mean like whatever it is in your ear that you're spinning yeah like there's you can sense like there's like semi circular canals or whatever i can't remember what they're called the vestibular system i don't know what it's called or whatever but like it yeah mine's a bone it can fuck you up if you mess with it yeah like if you're spinning one direction then you stop some people will just get i'm trying absurdly nauseous i'm trying to do a lawsuit against the Wilbur Claytonia refs.

Because we should have at least got 15 yards for that. For permanent brain damage? My God. If you don't know what we're talking about, which will be like all of you, my senior year, I don't remember all of the football games that I played half of because we ran a, was it laser? Razor and laser? One of those plays that never worked. Yeah.

One of those plays where I was running me 5'5", 145 pounds. To run between the tackles. Yeah, run between the tackles that were also 5'6", 200 pounds. Yeah. Getting bullied. And then just get eaten alive by some big white dude that lifted hay bales all morning. Yeah, so, and I can only tell this story because I've seen it on film like a thousand times. Because it's honestly surprising I'm alive.

That kills people. That hit kills people. Tell them the story. So we're playing this team. We're tied up at this point, and they were number one. They were killing teams. They were scoring at will. They were shutting teams out, and it was tied up.

They were big and fast. They were big and fast, and we were scrappy and also fast. We were fast. But very small and very young yep yeah these are dudes these are 22 year olds that were still playing in high school for some reason these dudes were unreal um and uh so we ran a play between the tackles. I got the handoff, and there's like – so our running back philosophy was when you see the hole, get there before it closes. So pretty much get the ball and run full speed to the hole

so you can get to the linebackers. And pray it opens, and then pray you can run. Pray it's still there when you get there. Otherwise, they might punch the ball out, and then you get a fumble, which I had zero in my junior and senior year but we won't talk about that um so i i rush up to this hole and i as i'm coming to it i see the strong safety who is playing like 12 yards off like most of the game so far which i'll In case we beat him deep. So I see him coming down so I was like

I'm in the mindset of I'm going to make this hurt you. I'm always in that mindset. I'm going to make you regret coming down hell with your head down. Because I'm also going to come down. And I have a Red L360 and you have some schmuck zion zionist helmet yeah you trash yeah wilbur trash you wilbur uh claytonian yeah both of them and uh so i'm going through this hole i I had my head up, everything, I closed my eyes.

And there was just this, It was hard. Yeah, there was just this impact that I can't even describe. I've been, you remember my accident? Yeah.

Where I T-boned that chick? Yeah. Hard. Totaled both cars. T-boned her heart. That, this hit, and I, I can kind of remember it.

I can kind of piece it together. This hit was 50 times worse. We hit helmet to helmet. How? He had his helmet down, and I had my helmet up, and he bent my face mask in. Bent my face mask in. Bent it. He's not lying. I have seen the face mask in bent it he's not lying i have seen the face mask the and i know it sounds crazy because of all the football over all the years in history

you've never seen a benton face mask this guy's face mask the bottom bar was bowed inwards all the bars are curved out like this and his was bowed inwards so whatever this kid illegal mule steroids he was taking that allowed his neck to be perfectly fine to be able to do this to you because if we can find the film which i think it's all deleted now i think it's gone if you see subsequent plays you're wearing a different helmet because you went to the sideline you're like my helmet doesn't fit anymore and they're like what are you talking about because the face mask was bent in and so it made the cheek pads bowed out and so really so yeah okay but your face mask your your helmet didn't fit anymore yeah it wasn't

snug on your head so they took some freshman's helmet off that wasn't going to play yeah and just threw it on you and said get back out there it was chase canfields yep and it wasn't at the same drive that that happened i like i i was falling over in the huddle. I don't know. You were getting tipsy, and we were like, BJ needs to get out of here kind of thing, and we were all getting out of there. I think Josh got a concussion. I don't remember who else got a concussion. Max and Lou.

You went to the hospital. I think a couple other people might have gone to the hospital. I think Max went to the hospital. I didn't go to the hospital, actually. Whatever happened. We waited it out. It was a JV game at halftime. At halftime, we had so many starters hurt.

At halftime, we went to the other team's coach and we said, hey, the second half needs to be a JV game. And they're like okay yeah and so i sat out the whole second half because they didn't want any starters to get hurt any upperclassmen to get hurt so it was just jv game yeah i that was wild i never ran hard after that and that that also killed me but your touchdown run was after the hit wasn't it yeah it was which is wild yeah the longest return in lincoln lutheran history well tied tied for all nebraska football um which was 99 yards technically more but 99 is the limit because they don't count

inside the end zone. Well, once the ball hits the end line, it's a touchdown. But I think you dropped it a little bit. It rolled into the end zone. And then you picked it up. And then you picked it up and ran it, and then let it play. And you ran it all the way back for a touchdown. And you almost killed a kid.

But I didn't. You could have returned the favor. But if I would have hit him him they would have probably called a penalty and then your return would never be I don't forever you know I miss if I could remember it I would be sad about that but since I can't remember it I would have rather had the film of you killing a kid that would have been awesome well so it was some chub some middle middle attack attack, trying to catch me. So you were running down the sideline, and there was this kid chasing you,

and you could see me on the film go like this, because I wanted you to cut back so I could level him. And it would have been right on his sideline too, so it would have been great. But you did something where you just kept running, and you didn't cut back, you just kept running. And you ran for a touchdown. Yeah, nobody had an angle on me. They all were, like, salivating because I went to scoop the ball up.

And I just muffed it probably because I was a little bit dust. Probably because you were a little, how are you going? I was probably a little bit. And so they, yeah, on film you can see they were all salivating. They were ready to get me inside the one. And it's like, brother. And then you went trying. And I remember Nelson.

They still have the most return yards all the time, but that's because teams would kick off six, seven times a game. You had the most return yards just purely for the fact that we were terrible and it was being scored on. Well, and punts. I would never let a punt go. I don't, you know, I could be wrong, but I don't ever remember calling fair catch. Fair catching is for pussies. It is.

You let the ball bounce. The first guy down. Especially if they get way up to you, then they stop running. They stop. Because they're waiting for you to catch it. And you're back. They're like, my fast was much faster than yours. What are you talking about?

I'm out of here. And Luke's coming down to kill somebody. Luke, like, I wish I would have had the wherewithal to put together a clip of Luke killing people on punts. Blindsiding people. Blindsiding people. Blindsiding people. I mean, he would – I don't remember where he would play, but I think he was part of the block. Well, because he was a linebacker,

and we usually lined up our punt return in, like, our normal defense. Yep, corners, and I would save the linebackers. So you just went back. The ends would rush on the ends. Backers would just wait and try to block people. I'm pretty sure Luke was on the block. I think he might have been a warrior. But that was after Zim's.

Right, right. So he was probably just a, I don't know. Nickel. I don't know. Nickel. I don't know. But anyway, so he'd go to block the punt. I liked Pratchell's. Continue your story, but I'll just say real quick.

Pratchell's punt block, he would line up everyone on one side, and he wanted a waterfall. Yeah, yeah. He would want everyone to punt block, he would line up everyone on one side, and he wanted a waterfall. Yeah, yeah. He would want everyone to punt block and then continue running and then go down one sideline and then have the returner run down that sideline. And so there was a wall of guys, and he just wanted everyone to peel back, block, blindside their entire cover team. You know, it only takes one guy to miss a block on that for it not to work. And that happened quite often.

But if you get everybody blocking on that, it's gold. And some, I mean, how many kick returns did I have? We had the same scheme for punt, or for kick, is the walls. Yeah. Set up walls. But then by my senior year, they just stopped kicking to me. Yeah. Set up walls. But then, by my senior year, they just stopped kicking to me. Yeah.

They just, they're just like, we're not. Anyways. We're not trying to give up a seven right here. So Luke would be, so Luke would be on

the, on the block. He would rush the punter. Mm-hmm. And he would make his way down. He had quite a few

blocks too. He, at least two. At least. My senior year? At least two. At least. My senior year? At least two. Well, teams didn't really punt against us. They didn't have to. They didn't have to. They were always in the end zone. That's what I'm saying.

Two on eight punts. Two on the two that they punted. He was 100%. There's one against... Okay, let's do it. There's one against Auburn. Can you name another i don't remember all right so at least one because i remember the auburn one because luke went off he had three touchdowns that came yeah and i was supposed to have them all but he

took them because he's being selfish he was being selfish anyways um so he would go for the block, and he would peel back, and he would, no shit, be the first one. Well, he was probably the second fastest guy on the team. Maybe. I don't know. Who was? All right, let me finish this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'd be the first one down there. And, again, their punt was so bad that it was like a 30-yard punt. So their coverage would be down there waiting for me. And I would worry, I'm coming. Yeah, I'd scoop it up, just bouncing around back there. I'd scoop it up. And half the time it should have been blindside block.

Or block in the back is what it should have been blindside block. Block in the back is what it should have been. Oh. Yeah. But all of them were blindside because... Side to side. Yeah, because I would take off either sideline and they would start to run at an angle to get me and Luke would be coming down at nine. Just screaming.

At Mach 5. Just dead sprinting. I remember... He's like, I'll get another concussion from my cousin. I wish I could remember the game because I would love to film on it. It was an early season game.

It wasn't Auburn. Who did we play before Auburn? I don't remember. Okay. Might have been that game. But I picked up a punt. Luke's coming down at Mach 5. This guy literally, I have the ball in my right hand.

This guy literally grabs my wrist, and the next second he's like 10 yards behind me. Just vanished from existence. Want to see me do it again? Yeah, and I got to, like, the 40 on the other side. You're like, holy shit, where'd that guy go? Yeah, he literally, like, he grabbed my arm. I was like, okay, I could, you know, I'll scoot for a couple more here,

and then, poof, gone. Totally gone. You look over your shoulder, and he's just somersaulting through the air. Luke's standing over him. Luke's like, that really hurt my hand, but it was worth it killed that kid for you oh my god yeah there's lots of uh there's lots of reminiscing of high school football well we're coming up on hour 15 here um we could go for easily another fucking three hours but i think we gotta

end it here we'll definitely have to have you as a guest another time i appreciate you having me it's fun um thanks for being here thanks for um watching guys i have to shout out another person that i recently found out as in today um and i hate to say this but you were the second choice for the guest today because i asked trace if you wanted to come on he said he couldn't but we still had a great conversation i'm glad you came i have to shout out trace because he also said he's listened to all the episodes um follow us on social media and all that good shit you don't do you have any social media you don't have... Don't follow this guy because he doesn't want to...

He doesn't want to be found. Yeah. Well, I was just going to say if you leave a comment anybody listening leave a comment on Spotify or Apple Podcasts Jake will read it off

on the next podcast. You can. What do you mean on spotify you can't leave a comment on spotify if you like it if you like it it'll let you comment no uh really we'll come back to this okay if you leave a uh comment i will read it off in the next one if it's are you just gonna go and and yeah i'm gonna spam it with a bunch of bots because you're also one of the main listeners yeah is that a problem no no i'm a lot like you jake and i know it's hard to believe but i also like listen to myself talk even though hey even though it's pretty great even though it's gonna sound like this it's pretty great. Even though it's going to sound like this the whole time. Even though it's going to sound like this. It's pretty rough.

I'd put concussions on that too. I'm actually saying now that CTE is like, if you're starting to have speech problems, you need to go get something done. Yeah. You know, it is what it is. I would die out there. You get into a different mindset when you're out on that field.

If Nebraska was like, we need to sacrifice you at the 50-yard line to win against Michigan, I would say, do it. Where do I sign up? Do it. What do you have to lose? Put a helmet and a patch on me, at least. I meant to say that i'm going bare skull yeah not not um not a five-star michigan wolverine safety yeah not just a game of thrones style execution i'm like with your worries with one percent body fat just

yeah who runs a 4 4 40 just coming to kill me yeah kill me all right guys thanks for watching until next time if you're gonna mix your liquors liquor before beer you're in the clear and hit that hole before the safety comes downhill hit that hole all right that hole baby get in there run hard there you go the signature doubt yeah yeah Who's gonna do my makeup? You didn't go to the makeup room before we started? You gotta go to the powder room.