Grass Daddies Podcast - Grass Daddies Podcast Episode 2: Blue Mountains

Episode Date: August 1, 2023

In this episode the boys are back at it with more wild stories and more empty beer cans. Jake learns about this new thing called name dropping and Kam talks more about his balls. Atleast this time we actually had our own mics to improve the sound quality, as if that even matters with the amount that we still talk over eachother... Follow us on Social Media! Youtube: grassdaddiespodcast Instagram: @grassdaddiespodcast @kamdenwellmann @jakekillham Tik Tok: @kandenwellmann (yes thats how it's spelled) @jakekillham11

you're the opposite of prince charming you kiss her and she falls asleep you don't wake her up with a kiss you kiss her and she gone it's these voluptuous lips these what lips voluptuous welcome to the wow that sounds a whole lot better podcast. That's Cam, I'm Jake, and we are the Grass Daddies, baby. So here we are again in our cat piss smelling basement at our white table. Well, they haven't pissed in here yet. If you're a Buffalo Bills fan, this table probably looks really familiar to you. Have you jumped through one of these a time or two in your day um not no i haven't i've seen people do it i was gonna say i'm sure you've seen someone that could yeah that could or would or did i've never tried it i was too terrified that if i did the little

metal bars on the bottom we're just gonna go right through it and just stab me right in the jugular or some shit. I just don't see how anything about that would work out in any way. So right off the top, I just wanted to give a shout out to our social media manager who's currently behind camera. Instagram dot what or no is it at grass daddy's podcast on instagram and she's posting uh shorts previews behind the scenes announcement doing it all ladies and gentlemen she's cooking it up something something fierce so uh if you go follow that you'll get updates on when uh new shows are coming out and uh yeah is that all you wanted to add um yeah um i'm gonna try to get this episode and last episode obviously on to something audio only so that you don't just

have to listen to youtube or have your screen going in your pocket actually you know what i want you all to go out and buy a battery charger and no walkie works great yep i hear that works great at swim meets keep that on you at all times so you can keep your phone charged and just leave the screen on and then you can just listen to us and then we don't have to hassle with putting it on audio only so yeah it's easier for us yeah if you guys just struggle yeah just struggle a little bit to make our lives easier five seconds of pain for a lifetime of freedom okay um another thing i wanted to say was so my parents listened to the last episode how'd that go my mom said um a little heavy on the f-bombs no shit my mom so my mom goes text me the other day she goes how

do i listen to your guys's podcast i was like it's on youtube and at grass daddies did you get your did you get your battery back and she goes yeah i listened to a little bit of it but it was pretty heavy on the f-bomb she's like it's a little heavy on the f-bomb but i'm your mother and i was like yeah i mean i'm just talking to him like i would talk to him normally and um and then and my dad was like yeah i watched all of it and then he said i learned some things about you i didn't know before i was like well they're like you thought it was funny though they're probably just sitting there they're like this motherfucker we bought him funny though. They're probably just sitting there. They're like this motherfucker. We bought him this nice ass car for his first car.

And this motherfucker is out here. Booty bumping everybody. Yeah. He's up in people. Oh yeah. It was, it was kissing that booty. Kissing that tail. Um, and then I ended up calling her and she was like, she said, you interrupt a lot.

And I was like, I'm sorry. I know, and I can't help it. And she was like, also, you're a little bit going off, like, not really focusing on one topic in particular. You're kind of all over the place. So maybe try to stick on to one topic. Let them talk a little more and stay on topic a little bit. And you're like, thanks, Mom. Yeah. I was like well i mean

she she does have a journalism degree so i guess i should probably trust her and she might know what she's talking about a little bit i mean all moms obviously know what they're talking about yeah so with that being said oh and also i felt like um for a first episode we didn't really, I mean, we shared some stories about ourselves, but I don't really think we gave our 51 viewers with nine minutes average watch time a chance to really get to know us. So what I thought we could do, because this is really fascinating to me, is, and especially since I interrupted you so much and you didn't get a word in edgewise last podcast, I want you to walk us through your morning routine, because this is

something that I love because for those of you that don't know, Cam here likes to get to work extra early so he can take a nap in his pickup. You heard me right. he likes to get up earlier so he can sleep longer so can you please just explain this to me because i need to hear that i know you've told this to me before and you've given me reasons for it but i need to know what is going on up here what's actually going on up here yeah i'll get to it i'll get to it the beer menu tonight is a secret for right now because i'm gonna tie that into something but please enlighten us before we get on to that topic i just want you guys to know i just want you guys to know that it's hotter than fuck outside i've been outside all goddamn day and i'm really thirsty so with that being said i'm a little cranky

my morning routine i start off about well the night before I set my alarm for about an hour and a half. And it takes me about four minutes to get ready because I jump out of bed, throw some clothes on, and take my dog down and then pack my lunch if I have to. My girlfriend's pretty great about meal prepping, so usually I just got to grab a container out, throw it in my lunch box, and just... Because if she doesn't meal prep, then it's either McDonald's or... Who knows? I'm like, you're like, what did you bring for lunch today?

And I'm like, food. You're like, well, my girlfriend didn't meal prep for me, so I got to go get something. You have a question? Yeah, I don't know how much you just talked about, but do you brush your teeth then? No, I'm not a morning. You have a question? Yeah. I don't know how much you're supposed to talk about, but do you brush your teeth then? No, I'm not a morning brusher. What the fuck?

No. Did you hear that, Mom? I said, what the fuck? No, I'm a nighttime brusher. For sure. So when you wake up in the morning and you got that disgusting-ass morning breath,

you're like, eh. Throw some Mountain Dew on it and you'll be fine. No, you wake up in the morning, you got that disgusting-ass morning breath. You're like, throw some Mountain Dew on it. It'll be fine. No, I usually walk to the fridge and grab an apple juice this week. Apple juice. Over the top in the mornings. Okay, so we made it out of bed. Made it out of bed. We took Ruger down.

I get dressed, take my dog down, come back up. And this is what time? Rewind. Rewind. So I'll wake up, I'll get dressed, and then I'll get back in bed and sleep with my work clothes on for about 20 minutes. And then I'll get up and take my dog down. And then I'll crack an apple juice chug that motherfucker because you know for some reason i like to buy the little guys that take two swallows to get down and i'll sit on the couch

and then i'll walk into the bedroom and i'll kiss bailey goodbye tell her i'm going to work and then all i get back from her is so so you'll get up early put your work clothes on go back to bed yeah then you'll go to work yeah go back to bed my dad drilled it into my head that i will never be late for work and i've never i hate being late for things as my girlfriend should know because she likes to fucking show up at like one minute before it's we're supposed to be there so yeah it pisses me off but so yeah i'll get back into bed with my work clothes on okay are your shoes on too no i usually kick my shoes off or sometimes it depends on the morning and how you have to put your shoes on to take your down then you come back

and you take your shoes off so you get dressed take them down undress partially go back to bed well in some mornings after pounding an apple juice some more and not brushing your teeth no hang on apple juice is a great mouthwash all right fuck off some mornings by the way these microphones pick up you don't have to yell some mornings it depends because some mornings i'll go get dressed and i'll just come right back into bed and go to sleep. But some mornings I'll take the dog down and then I'll, I got to put my hat on to go down in the mornings and I usually slip on my Crocs. So I'll kick my Crocs off and then I'll sit my hat on my lamp and I'll go back to sleep for about 20 minutes.

And then I'll wake up. Then you're, how many alarms do you have set two so you have one to get up one to get up again no no what about after your 20 minute nap at 5 a.m i have a really good internal clock you don't set an alarm for that 20 minute nap no and i'll wake up you're a psycho i wake up at the same time every morning okay so then you drive to work then i drive to work and depending the night the mornings i usually take a nap in my pickup is where i don't feel like going back to bed in my room so i just get up and i drive to

work and i'll lean my chair back make sure my pickup's nice and cool and then take a little siesta and then jake scares the shit out of me and wakes me up at work and pisses me off but i also oh yeah i also don't think we ever addressed that we work together yeah on a golf course and that's partially why we're called the grass daddies yeah and we both this isn't an only turf-focused podcast. We just both have a career, you could say, in grass. There's going to be... I don't know if we addressed this in the first episode, but there's going to be grass talk,

and there's also going to be funny banter back and forth to get people through i would say shitty day or what i would say it's going to be primarily shooting the shit about stupid random stuff and also we'll have to talk about grass a little bit because we work together at a golf course yeah so yeah so i'll get to work after him and i'll knock on the window and he'll just go acting like he just woke up of a 10-year coma and one time he woke up and his car started rolling backwards because he fell asleep with his foot on the brake started rolling and you shut it off no no you started rolling forward.

Yeah. No, my pickup was still fully on. Running. And you fell asleep with your foot on the brake. Yeah. My God. And where was I going with that? Oh, back to my two alarms.

I have one set for 445, and then i have my oh shit alarm just in case i sleep through that one this is another thing that fascinates me you have an alarm for you're late now which why wouldn't you just have an earlier set alarm so that you wouldn't have to have an alarm for now you're fucked well no my that alarm only is oh shit i'm late when we have earlier starts because we're supposed to be there at six so 5 30 my my oh shit alarm comes up goes off at 5 30 oh but when we have 5 30 starts then it's like you're fucking stupid because we're already started but yeah so i got two alarms and i'll go back to sleep after my first one goes off and i'll wake up about

five o'clock that's fascinating you're you're a different being a human i I'll wake up at, well, 4.45 is when my alarm goes off, but I usually wake up at like 4.30. I would say my morning routine, but I don't think it's as exciting as yours. What's your morning routine look like? Well, I guess the only bizarre thing about me is the way I set my alarms is I'll set them like in 30-minute increments. So I have a 4.15 445, and 515. 415 goes off. I stop it, sleep for a half hour.

445 goes off. I stop it, sleep for a half hour. 515 goes off, and I'm up. And in the summer months, which are now, I'll run outside in my boxers, turn on the spigots outside my house that have my hoses and sprinklers already hooked up, ready to go to give my lawn a little drink in the morning. In the winter months, I'll run out to start my vehicle so it starts warming up, which I also do in my boxers and bare feet. Which we addressed. A couple days ago. At Corbin's house. When we were having the fire pit.

Because he was talking about. How one of his dogs. Took a doo doo. Because they left him locked in the room. And it was right in the. Right at the doorway. And he stepped in it. And left every other footprint.

A track all the way down and outside. But he was talking about how he. he normally like leaves a pair of socks on his nightstand next to his bed and he'll slip those on before he goes anywhere because the the hardwood floor in their kitchen is cold so he's got so he wants to have socks on and then i was like yeah in the winter time i'll run out to start my car and my boxers and bare feet so i'll just be running on ice to start my track whoop yeah but um but i'll get up do that brush my teeth because i brush my teeth in the morning and basically i'll i'll um be out the house i'll either get my lunch ready. Usually get my lunch ready.

Make a little sandwich. I don't have my girlfriend meal prep everything for me. Hey, she chooses to do that. I don't ask her to do it. I'm grateful for it though. So, yeah. Hey. She's a great social media manager too.

Yeah. At Grass Daddy's Podcast on Instagram. I got another thing for you quick one is your girlfriend the same as mine because this girl will set fucking 90 alarms in like five minute increments for like an hour and a half two hours she's shaking her head no i don't know how you would hear them because you'd be long gone before they went off i just know because she sits there it takes her at least two minutes before we go to bed for her to set all her alarms jesus how many realistically how many do you think she's pulling them up now while she's pulling them up

um so while so while my sprinklers are running, I'm getting my sandwich, my lunch ready, getting dressed, brushing my teeth, and I'm out the door after 15 minutes of waking up. And then I get to work, and I just walk in. I don't take a nap in my truck. I just got all the sleep that I needed that night before I go to work, and I just get up and go to work. Well, and sometimes. How many alarms?

Between 7 and 10. Between 7 and 10. Sometimes 8, sometimes 9. Every 5 minutes. Did you know that there's a 9-minute snooze button? That when you press snooze. Then I'm already like way down to sleep. And you're 5 minutes from 9. button that when you press snooze so that extra four minutes you're just plunging into that first sleep

cycle dude this girl you can wake her up and within like a minute and a half she'll be fucking zonked back out like some mornings she'll wake up when I tell her goodbye. And then I'll finish telling her how beautiful she is before she goes back to sleep.

And she's just... Out like a light. Like a light. I'm just like, well, I'm glad that meant nothing to you. And then I go to work. Your kiss put her to sleep. You're the opposite of Prince Charming. You kiss her and she falls asleep.

You don't wake her up with a kiss. You kiss her and she gone. It's these voluptuous lips. These what lips? Voluptuous. Is that a word? Voluptuous? Voluptuous.

Voluptuous. Sorry. I forgot. It's our grammar people. It's voluptuous. Voluptuous? Yeah, that booty voluptuous, sorry. No, no. I forgot. It's our grammar, people. It's voluptuous. No, this is volum. Volumptuous? Yeah, that booty voluptuous.

Yeah, I don't know either. I dropped out of midlife. All right. Okay, so are you thirsty? Yeah. So as Cam said before, it is like 100 degrees outside. It got up to 99, feels like 104. It hit 107 today. with the feels like temperature yeah

so this got me thinking to another time that it was real real hot outside and i needed a thirst quenching beverage now a couple years ago i was at john Johnson's Lake with my dad and his friends, and they do this little retreat thing. His one friend's got a cabin. They all got hammered the night before, and I got a really funny story I want to tell with that. But first, the day after, we went fishing and then golfing. And it was kind of like the weather today. Where it was really hot. And I don't normally like to drink beer when it's really hot.

Because I'm already so dehydrated. I feel like I'm just murdering my body. As if I'm not already murdering it from drinking alcohol. But it just. I mean I know that like a cold beer can be refreshing. But like they all drink bud heavy and i was like oh my gosh so we went in the clubhouse and i had me go curse a cold crisp coors light because it's sex by the stream baby

it's fucking near water so i was rehydrating these things retard proof holy listen listen to this nice little snap oh oh yeah that's really oh my god look at the audio lines these things were spiking dad i need you you want me to open that for you yeah are you serious dude give me it no no no no don't do that you didn't brush your teeth yet it's not nighttime yet i loosened it for him there you go you did loosen it for me that was really easy but anyways we went in that clubhouse after the round and it was so hot i went in there and i was like oh my god that was so good so refreshing so in the spirit of the heat that was today on the menu tonight co Coors Light. Look at them. Mountains are blue.

Let's go. Bah. Bah. Bah. So the story I wanted to tell with that is one of the funniest fucking stories ever. And my dad and my sister both love this story because it was me and my dad there and all his friends. Quiet in the studio, please. We're recording a podcast. I'm'm just kidding there's no way they'd be able to pick that up so i was a drinker at the time but whenever i'm going to a foreign place whenever i'm going to a foreign place

i get a little skittish and i'm not like, like you would think like, oh, you're going to a cabin on a like boys golfing fishing trip. You're going to get hammered. Right. And it's like, well, no, all my dad's friends are like in their sixties or late fifties. And I'm the only young person there. I'm not just going to get wasted. So I had a couple of beers couple beers rude smoked a big old fat stogie because he doesn't drink but he's like hey i gotta get a buzz somehow um so all his friends are drinking bud and then um they went to there's on the lake there's a little um it's called mitos and it's like a little restaurant bar whatever like a tavern basically. Yeah, I've been there. And they all – yeah. So this place he's talking about is like where I grew up.

I've been there before, but I didn't go there that night. Oh, you didn't go to Mito's? I've been there before, but I didn't go there that night with them because all of them went to Mito's. My dad and I hung back, and we turned in early, and they all went and proceeded to drink their livers black drink of black supposedly because around 3 a.m probably i mean it was the dead of night i woke around and the dead of night i woke up to hey I'm like, what the fuck was that? I'm laying in my bunk bed because there's

two bunks in this room. My dad is in the top bunk of the other one. And there's two guys sleeping underneath us. And, um, this is the guy's name. He's sleeping in a rocking chair but the rocking chair so think about it like this so i'm in this bunk my dad's in this bunk and the room is like this and there's a door right here and he's in this rocking chair rocking back and forth and like the head his head is like leaned back into our room so he's like and he's basically like in the doorway with his head and every five i've heard i've never heard of i mean you've heard of people talking in their sleep this guy was every five seconds he'd go hey like he would wake himself up and go hey and then he'd go oh shit you not and he woke me up so i just got up to pee so i had to like creep past his chair to get out

of the door to go pee and then i get back in bed and i'm like i wonder if anyone else is hearing this shit and my dad is awake now and i'm like like, oh my God, like, can you hear it? And we're both laying up in the top bunks, just dying laughing. And he goes, hey. And then another thing he would go, he went, oh my God, I'm so fucking drunk. Those are the words that were coming out of his like inco like so unconscious mouth i wonder if this is just like a drunk thing for him i don't know i don't know if he like sleep talks and then he was like sleeping in a rocking chair so he probably wasn't fully asleep like he

was like half asleep but he was also so drunk that he was just he would snore and it was like five second intervals snore hey snore oh shit snore oh my god i'm so fucking drunk it was crazy and that was the funniest fucking thing ever My dad and I were sitting up in there dying. I think I walked back into the bathroom. I think I walked back in from the bathroom. And I was climbing up into my bed. And I saw my dad was awake or something. I just went.

And he started dying. There was a guy there. We should call him on the podcast. What? I don't know if I need to bleep the name or not. He is a... Well, he was just drunk partying with his friends. It's not like he did anything illegal. Just sleep talking.

Yeah, that might be a little bit of slander. You talk in your sleep when you're drunk love you how are the horses doing anyways there was another guy there whose name was i can't remember i don't think this was his real name but i think they called him He was an interesting character. Did he say hey when you were sleeping? The morning after, the hey shit was going on. We were outside sitting, and he comes out, and for breakfast, he was just taking bites out of a whole pie. There was like a cherry pie, and he was just taking bites out of a whole pie there was like an apple or like a cherry pie and he was just taking honks out of it and and then he just got a there was like a handle

a fireball and he was just taking pulls off it and it's like eight in the morning and you're like after a long night of drinking nothing hey john daly once said the best way to carry hangovers drink the same shit you did the night before well i don't know he was and i i think he might have i can't remember what my dad said he said he used to be a really great wrestler and i think he said he like kind of got into some drugs a little bit but he i'm is this more slander he was it might be but he was talking to me he's like he was like talking to me he's like man you're a big son of a bitch i don't think he lost all his teeth but i don't think he had all 36 i don't anyways um so now you talk we had this funny story and it was a while back and we were cruising along we were going to lunch

because bailey probably didn't meal prep for me but nobody needs to know that so we were cruising along going to get some lunch and jake goes what the fuck is this oh my god are we going to lunch yeah we're going to lunch and he picks it off and fucking smells it he's like oh my god that smells like shit should i tell that story really quick yeah i feel like i've been talking this whole time but i've got funny stories man go for it okay so we're sitting in my truck this was in the winter i thought it was just while we were working maybe we were going to lunch i can't remember we might have been working and i don't know how i didn't notice this but there was a droplet a dry droplet of what I now assume to have been diarrhea.

Because I can't remember if this is when I had COVID. I don't think I had COVID at this point. I think maybe I just had some food poisoning. Yeah, you were gone the day before. I was sick a little bit. Because what I do know is that I, like the day before or a couple days before, I had aggressive diarrhea and here's the thing guys farts are always going to be funny and poop stories are always going to be inherently

funny and i just didn't want to have to lean on that and i was trying to avoid telling poop stories as long as we could because i'm sure between the two of us we have some doozies um i shit myself like once a month no cap so there was a droplet on my phone and um this was insane yeah i don't know how i didn't notice it i've never but it was dry before it was dry and it didn't stump didn't stink and i just out of instinct i scratched it off and it was like instantly it instantly permeated the whole cab of the pickup and it was like a bomb went off like it smelled so aggressively bad so fast that i was like oh my god and i was like thinking back i'm like first of all how did a droplet of diarrhea even get on my phone i was holding it in my hand assumingly while i was on the toilet or it was in my pocket aggressive makes me wonder where else it got but and it was like and i don't know if i'm remembering this

wrong but no sooner than it came it was like a couple minutes later and it was just gone it's like how could something smell that sharp and aggressive so fast and permeate the entire cabin and now it's just gone it's like what was that and how was the smell laying dormant it was like it was a scratch and sniff it was you couldn't smell it and then i scratched it and it's like i irritated some of the it's like the bacteria or something was just chilling just like sleeping and i woke him up oh god it smelled like we were in a fucking board of body i would argue worse um so i know we said this podcast wasn't gonna be all about turf but in the first episode of our podcast we talked about how we found the love for what we do and i think for them also to

get to know us more give us a little break in the funny stories but i think we should talk about how we got to where we are now like got to work at the golf course at the golf course and like in turf you go first because you started first you've been in the golf course industry longer than me um so i my family's members at the cozad country club and they needed help so one day my dad was like yeah we can help you guys and I started just string trimming for them because I couldn't legally run a mower or anything so I just started how old were you I was 14 did you have to be like 16 or 18 or well from where i grow up we could get well i think anywhere but you can get like to work for a farmer so you get like a license to be able to like run a tractor so you can like run over age but that's like when you're like 16 because when you're under

the age of 18 for insurance purposes you can you can't run anything over 25 horsepower or something like that. Oh, so it's a matter of horsepower. Because it's too dangerous and you can't run real mowers, I don't think. Oh. So, yeah, I did that and I worked there for four years and then I graduated high school followed my girlfriend down here and now I because she does excellent meal preps yeah

there ain't no more fucking way I was leaving that behind so we moved down here and breakfast burritos be and we started I started working at the golf course and when I first started the golf course jake hated me and now look where we are you go so i briefly talked about how i worked at lps which is lincoln public schools and that was it was suggested to me by another kid that went to Lincoln Lutheran um as just like a summer job and I was like sweet

I'll sit on a riding mower because I already established how I loved mowing grass just like in my parents yard and then I worked there for a couple years or a couple like a summer and then the summer after that and then i got onto the hole i was at midland and i left and whole rabbit hole of shit went down in my life you need another one yeah i'll open this one for you too so we don't have to struggle for hey those are decently tasty hey i'm getting rehydrated yeah after a long day it's hot um so then i was looking for jobs and i was on indeed and i saw wilderness ridge was hiring uh which is the golf course we work at wilderness ridge country club and um we are um the whole reason I wanted to work there was because I'm like, hey, golf courses have a lot of grass. And I like mowing grass.

So I'm going to apply there. So I get there and like for the first week, they're like, yeah, you're raking bunkers. And I'm like, what? And then I slowly graduated to the point where I would mow teas and then mow greens and then they just realized oh you have a brain so i can trust you to do more important shit and i was like over 21 at the time so i was like decently old like i'm a young adult yeah and so then they offered me a full-time position to be their spray tech which was what our assistant slash superintendent was doing at the time and so I was like yeah sure

because I didn't really know what I wanted to do so he made it sound like a pretty sweet deal so I stayed on and then I just progressively started doing more and more stuff and irrigation fixes and all that we got a lot more stories to talk about like that but um that would be like a six hour long podcast we could probably just make an irrigation daddy's podcast uh where that's where that's all we talk about um but yeah a couple this is probably i'd probably been there for three years when you showed up maybe because this is my fifth summer this is your second summer anyways i'm like who's this patrick mahomes looking ass that walked second but um well we didn't i didn't really say much on that. So the golf course I was at before wasn't really like here.

Like we had a really small crew. And so we kind of just got thrown in. Like once I was like legally old enough to like mow, I was on about everything. It was if you can run it, you're running it. Yeah. Because I need you to. Yeah. run it you're running it yeah because i need you to yeah and then our um superintendent at the time was fairly new he didn't so our superintendents that we had before this time i started they just

up and left and just kind of left the golf course high and dry like spring so literally high and dry yeah and so this guy came in he didn't know anything about turf really and kind of jumped in so then i started studying i bought a couple books started studying and so yeah it was kind of just from there kicked off and i was there for five and a half years something like that actually on the payroll damn so you've technically been in the industry longer than me i think this year's gonna be my seventh year seven seven and a half damn but yeah either way information is knowledge another way you can kind of get to know our personalities a little more when because being at one course for a while

you see a lot of summer help guys come in and out and you meet guys and you see guys leave you become friends with guys and then they leave or you see someone that you think you might be friends with and then you're like this guy is a fucking loser and i hate his guts and i wish he would drown in a pond um so yeah when new guys come in i don't i don't go out of my way to be like hey let's be friends what's your snapchat um i kind of just let things play out and decide and also if they're a hard worker that'll determine if i like someone too because if you're just a lazy shitbag employee it's like i don't like you don't have much worth to the golf course. So it's like, why would I even care? So when Cam got there, I'm like, who's this guy that plucks his eyebrows?

I don't touch my eyebrows. I know. I still I couldn't believe when you first walked in. I'm like, oh, my God, this guy plucks his eyebrows, which is fine, which is fine. And his girlfriend is my girlfriend, which I didn't know. But I was bothering me about my unibrow it looks pretty good don't it so but progressively over time it took me a while to warm up to him and then we went on our first date at a golf course we went golfing together and the rest is history and now here we are shooting the shit on a podcast.

Never thought I'd be doing a podcast, but here we are. And I'm enjoying every second of it. Dude, I'm so excited for our podcast. That's Cam. There's definitely, I mean, there's... You kind of skipped out on the personality you're talking about personality that was my my personality is guilty until proven innocent it's i don't i don't love that i'm like this but i basically don't like you until you have until i like you which

isn't really fair i mean you gotta give people a chance but like i don't really go out of my way to talk to people or like go up to them at work. And, like, if I have to train someone, it's kind of like, I have to talk to someone I don't know. But then Cam was like, I'm Cam. What's your Snapchat? Let's be best friends. Do you want to come to my apartment and meet my girlfriend and my dog? Well, see.

And then a couple months later you're like i fucking hate that person i learned that i don't like that person well because i trust everybody and i'm a really friendly person until you burn bridges and then yeah you're absolutely dead to you yeah like it's wild it is wild watching you turn on someone that you were liked before. But I don't turn on people. They turn on me. They turn on you, and then you're like, oh, now I feel stupid for liking them. Or when I trust somebody, I think they're a good worker, so I put in a good word for them. And then they just turn out to be shit.

I'm like, yeah, you're a fucking loser. Anyways, funny stories that's how we got into turf I figured some of our listeners might be seeing grass daddies coming for some turf talk there will be turf talk

but it's mostly shooting the shit some turf talk and which we should make a tiktok page Some turf talk. And, yeah. Which we should make a TikTok page called Turf Talk. That probably already exists, doesn't it? I'm sure that exists. It's got to.

If not, it's definitely a hashtag. I feel like I've seen turf talk hashtag. The other thing that I don't want people thinking is like, grass daddies, these guys are going to talk about weed. And, yeah, none of us smoke weed. I to talk about weed. Yeah, none of us smoke weed. I don't smoke weed. I don't either.

I don't smoke weed. I smoke THC. Turf talk? Yeah, I figure that's definitely. That's such a good idea. How could someone not take that? Yeah. Yeah, we're not talking about smoking the weed.

Smoking the ganja. I was going to – one of my – oh, yeah. Is it like golf course turf or is it just like lawn care? No, it's like golf course. They're like cutting holes and shit. Cutting cups. Cutting holes. They're cutting holes in grass.

They got them. They're grass mama. The grass mamas. I like that. No. I don't think that we can get them on board for that um i i have i have uh i really want to tell like my first time smoking weed story but i kind of wanted to save that until we have trace as a guest because he is a grass daddy um probably the grass daddy that's uh that's a good one because i think that's one for another time well and i think trace knows you about well as your parents so yeah i think that would be he's probably got some really funny stories i think that would be a good one to keep until he's on yeah i like the story about when he walked into my mom in the bathroom.

Did you hear that? Yeah. And it's an inside joke. Hey! So the first couple times Jake invited me over, Trace was there. Not like over to like hit family gathering of his. Trace was there. Barbecue, cone hole, five pit. family gathering of his. Trace was there. And they had this like inside joke going about the bathroom. And I was like,

uh, I don't want to ask. Cause I feel like that'd be weird because I'm kind of new here. Nobody really knows me, but now I know. I'm just trying to be best friends with everyone. Now I know. And it's fucking funny.

Yeah. I could see Trace walking in here and just wanting to spark up. Be like, I thought this was a grass day. Y'all talking about some lawn care. Take a sip. Man, it was hotter than the devil's dick outside today. I mean, I was dying. I don't know if I was getting, I don't think I was getting heat exhaustion, but towards

the end of hand watering, I was feeling out of it. I was just tired. I was zoning out. I felt like shit today. I had a headache all day. Why? I was like. Why? I don't know. I was like shit today. I had a headache all day. Why? I was like.

Why? I don't know. I was like. Too many barley pops the night before? No, that was the other night before. The same conversation I was talking to my mom. She goes, she's like, do you drink that much? And I was like, I've only had a beer.

She's like, eight beers? I like i've only had a beer she's like eight beers i'm like no a beer she thought i said i only had eight beers she's like you drink so much oh i got another funny story the other thing i wanted to talk about unless you had something else you wanted to say because i feel like it's your turn to talk um shit i had a story that i wanted to tell because i thought it was really funny but then you realized it wasn't funny or you forgot it i forgot it i think this is i have adhd we know um i think one of the reasons why i interrupt so much is because i'm scared i'm gonna forget because i feel like my short-term memory is so bad well and i feel like i have something i want to talk about i want to say it right now because if i let you talk i'm going to be focused on what you're saying

and then i'm going to forget yeah well and once you find something like you'll go what are you talking about this is where i feel like we're kind of the same because she thinks i have a skosh of adhd i think you do too because i'm the complete opposite if we have adhd there's two different strands and i'm strand a and he's strand b because what does that even mean because adhd with adhd you can focus on a lot of things at once yeah which i feel like is really why people are like oh my fucking god this guy's so weird but i'm also thinking about 900 things at one time but you're like oh my god that squirrel doesn't have hair do you remember that is that you yeah we're driving down the cart path and you go oh my god that squirrel's naked yeah we're cutting trees in the winter and i was like what he's like

look at him he's naked i'm like he probably just has mange you're like oh but you're like the complete opposite because you're the type of person that i'll focus on one thing and you'll focus on that thing a lot besides i will focus on like oh you were talking to me every other thing like i'll be like hey do we have a three-quarter inch to one inch studded adapter you're like yeah it's underneath the workman tire behind the silver building i'm like what how did you remember that you're like i remember everything i have adhd but i can't remember where i put my wallet you can ask anybody in this room i lose that shit constantly need a chain wallet i've been telling you this for the past year you

need a chain wallet you lose it so often first of all you take it with you in your carts while you're driving around at work just leave that shit in the office or your truck why do you need it in your what are you gonna buy on the course it's not like there's an on-course gas station you can go pick up a fucking pop that'd be sick though it's a it's a club. It's not like if you're a member, you already have a food and drink budget. So it's like you can literally not be spending your money on anything unless you're just like, man, I really want to order something on Amazon right now. And you whip out your card so you can order something.

Otherwise, why do you have your wallet on you? Because I like to lose it. Because I like to have a reason to look for it one time i was driving along and i found your earbuds in the rough i was driving a day later i was driving along and i looked down and i'm like oh my god there's someone's headphones i'm like oh those are cams and i picked them up and i drove over and i found them i'm like hey what podcast are you listening to and he's like i'm not listening to anything I don't have my earbuds and I just went all right so after he found these earbuds I've had those for about a year now

and um well like I said I can focus on a lot of things and I thought I was going to get into working out and that was just not one thing I could focus on i'd rather focus on 12 ounces at a time but so i bought a brand new pair of earbuds for just the gym so i could keep one at home and one at work because i was getting tired of fucking forgetting i'm at home cam you don't need to yell i'm sorry i'm frustrated because i'm just looking at my audio and your voice is being picked up on it so you're probably making a lot of work for me because i'll probably have to go in and edit it out but that's okay sorry um so so you're thinking about getting into working i was thinking about getting into this new gym thing so i bought a set of earbuds for home and I bought a set of earbuds for work.

Well, the whole gym. How much are they? And working at 30 bucks because I'm a cheap ass. And I lose them so much. I ain't buying no fucking AirPods. Are you fucking kidding me? Those things like 400 bucks. I got a pair for home.

I got a pair for work. I got a pair for the gym. I got a pair for home. I got a pair for work. I got a pair for the gym. I got a pair for... Anyways, so eventually, they both became for work. So once one died, I could just grab the other set and throw them in. Now I've completely lost one set of them. And I've lost another earbud from the other set, and I've lost, now, I've lost the other earbud,

and now I just have a case. I don't know how that works, but I just have a case for earbuds at home. You're wild, man. You are one of a kind. Yeah. you're wild man you're a wonderful guy yeah so i was going to talk about how my ear is feeling better after our employee appreciation day yeah i was actually a little bit worried that i was going to get some more water in there but again i don't even know if that was what the issue was. But I went in for a medical checkup. And the homie... Best doctor in the world.

I'm name dropping a lot of people. And my girlfriend keeps giving me dirty looks. As if the 51 viewers that are watching this are gonna we're gonna blow up someday we're gonna dock someone but um we're gonna blow up like oklahoma this is this what nothing scratch that that was a dark joke dr i love you he went ahead and looked at my ear. He's like, so, Dr. S*** has a very thick Indian accent. And this might seem racist, but this is a spot on impression. He goes, so, the eardrum looks okay.

You, the ear canal looks okay. There's no redness, no bulging. Everything looks okay. And's no redness, no bulging. Everything looks okay. And I'm like, sweet. And the reason he's my homie is because when I was at Midland, I thought I had something. And he gave my old bits and pieces a gander, made sure they were A1. You follow me? I'm following you.

I thought I had something. Okay? My nut sack looks like a catcher's mitt yeah maybe some alligator skin cowboy boots okay i was concerned boy was that an awkward phone call from my mother because i called her and i was like i think i might have something i was not very wholesome in college i'll say that much not proud of my past self but um i didn't go to college i that's good because then you didn't have to run the risk of um freakmont the dirty mott is where midland is um but yeah i was uh you know uh wild child i was concerned about the uh the integrity of my nether regions. I don't think there was, again, I don't think there was any sores, but leathery.

And I don't know what that was. It didn't seem right. So when you were getting the lotion on your dick, you didn't tickle enough? Take it easy. So I talked to my mom, which was a really awkward phone call. But she's the best mom in the world. I love you, Amy. And she scheduled me a doctor visit.

And I had to go in there and be like, yeah. You're going to have to look at it. And he's like, took the old trousers off and he gave it a gander. Made sure it was A1. And and he said and i didn't have anything i didn't have anything he's like this doesn't look like anything he's like this doesn't look like gonorrhea chlamydia nothing i've seen before so yeah everything checked out well um my senior i am clean as a whistle me too um so you got your another region checked out for because you thought you had something hold on is this going to be oversharing because we've had a request from our social media manager to not be oversharing anything i don't think so um shaking her head so

i was at work one day and i was mowing fairways tell the story and i thought i was going to die my gonads hurt so fucking bad i'm sorry amy butads hurt so fucking bad. I'm sorry, Amy, but they hurt so fucking bad. And I was playing golf league with one of our best friends, like family friends. And I was like, dude, I don't know if I'm going to be able to play. Excuse me. You all right? I don't know if I'm going to be able to play golf league.

You almost just puked and so i was like i gotta go try and play a few holes and i took my first swing and i was like like it felt like somebody just fucking uppercutting me as hard as they could and i'm like nuts what the fuck so i went home shout out to shane and sabrina yeah love you guys well um her dad has like three smokers yeah that motherfucker cool as hell all right go ahead um anyways so yeah and we were watching a movie over the phone on facetime together because you know that's what we like to do and that doesn't concern you um but and then my mom came in and i was like actually in pain i was like i need to go to the doctor so he went to the doctor and there's like two doctors which was

really weird because one of them was my best friend's mother actually i didn't know that this was his mother until we became best friends and then i met his mom and this was his mother until we became best friends. And then I met his mom, and this was his mom. So, yeah, I just had to drop my pants in front of them, and she, like, reached down there and just gave him one of these. She's like, everything feels fine. Everything feels fine? I'm like, that really fucking hurts. And she's like, all right, well, we're going to take you to the ER.

And I was like it's because they're full they need to be drained i'm like yes please maybe you should try that first just just to rule anything out and um so i went to the er and a male doctor comes in and i thought it was weird for a female to be touching my nuts but it's even fucking weird when a guy's doing it i tell you guys what you guys want to be uncomfortable i'm right there with you you just want to be uncomfortable i have a male doctor touch your nuts and tell me how you feel after listen the homie i feel feel like, you know, he sees hundreds of people all the time a week, I would assume. You know, he probably doesn't even remember, you know, pawing on my twig and berries.

But I feel like we have an unspoken bond that cannot be broken. You know, when I look him in the eye, I see salvation. You fondled my nuts. He didn't fondle my nuts he gave me a medical observation and gave me the thumbs up well i'm like well now i can never be the same but anyways back to this story because jake but it was a twisted nut right or that's's what they thought. That's what they thought. They thought. So here I am in the ER. I'm like, this might be a little extreme.

Don't get your nuts in a twist. They got like six doctors in and out. And they all asked me the same questions. And I think at one point, one doctor asked me if I'm sexually active. And I told him no. And then the other doctor came in doctor asked me if I'm sexually active and I told him no. And then the other, the other doctor came in and asked me if I was sexually active. I told her yes.

What the fuck? Why didn't you just say the same thing to everyone? Well, and they're like, we need you to be brutally honest. You're like, no. And they're like,

dude, your nuts are shaved. And I was, and so we ended up leading to this that um they ended up sending me in for an ultrasound and the ultrasound doctor was badass as hell when i telling you, she made it not awkward. All right. You ever, she said, I'm about to put this jelly covered.

We were on your ball before, before I go in there. She hands me a towel. She's like, lay on the bed, flip your up. You're like, that's as far as it goes, ma'am.

You're not going to have to worry about that when it's rock solid. Don't worry, it'll stay up. Once you get to that jelly on there. Once you put the jelly on the donuts, that thing's going to stay right at attention. So

you put it up on your stomach, take the towel and you put the towel over it and you tuck it under your like hips yeah and hold your member out of the way she's like giving me the ultrasound and i'm like somehow we get on the topic about how there's this one guy that would always come in and ask for her. And he would legit get his rocks off by her getting an ultrasound. Because he'd always say there was something wrong with his balls. Yeah. And she'd have to rub that shit all over his balls to look and see. Which is...

It's like... Because you have to. Because what if it's cancer? It's like soothing. But it's like, cause you have to, cause like, what if it's cancer? It's like soothing, but it's not like, it's not like it's like erotic. Yeah. It's,

it's such an awkward feeling that I don't know how, how you got to be sick as fuck to get your rocks off in a goddamn ultrasound room. He's probably just so lonely that he's like, the only way I can get a female to touch me is if I fake a medical ailment. Wherein they can

rub up on my rubies. But anyways, we had this whole entire conversation about weird people she's had come in and how they've people get hard all the time she's like it's a usual thing for men to get sexually aroused by this and i was like i'm sure as fuck not. How old were you again? 18. 18. And, yeah, that was my story about how I got my nuts fondled by an ultrasoundist. I don't know if that's even what they're called.

What are they called? What are ultrasound? Probably just ultrasound tech. Probably. An ultrasound technician. Well, we're coming up on an hour here we're at an hour here i was gonna tell i forgot we were gonna we wanted to talk about my crusty socks oh yeah let's talk about that they can have or should we save it for the next one a sonographer.

So all of you in the comments, all zero of you in the comments that are screaming at me that it's a sonographer and not an ultrasound tech. It's a sonographer. I don't know. Should we end it with the crusty socks? I think that's a good one to end it with. Okay, we'll end it with the crusty socks. We're going over an hour. Oh my gosh. Yeah. All of our 51 viewers are going to be so pissed at us nine minutes listening guess what you're not going to be able to listen to the last nine minutes of this one so um as we were kind of

talking about a little bit at work hand watering we can go into that term later i'm not going to go into all that bullshit right now um just know that involves water and um you're out in the heat and one of the ways that it helps a lot is carabender i need a druther nink i told you these were refreshing it's just like drinking water we're gonna drink about 12 more after this. No, we're not. Because there's only three more. It's a nine pack. Anyways. Yeah, we're going to have three more.

There you go. Thanks. So when we're hand watering, our feet get wet a lot. And so what I did is I went out and I purchased these Vans brand shoes that are exactly like Crocs. They got holes in them. They look exactly like crocs they got holes in them they look exactly like crocs but they're technically vans and um i don't remember a lot of times we have to go in on the weekends in the afternoon and i must have had them at home and i wore them into work um or i left them at work or no okay i'm sorry this is what happened you wore

them because you're gonna go to sand volleyball no no no this this was these these socks were at work for a while i had worn my regular shoes with my regular socks to work and i left my vans my hand watering shoes as i call them at work and i um or maybe no you last night well the night previously you have sand volleyball and you said so i wore my crocs yeah my van vans home because you wanted to play in them because sam sand was going to be so hot because it was like 104 so that is correct but these socks were at work for a long time and so i had these socks at work and they had gotten a little crusty a little saying something because this morning i was putting them on because i came so yes since i wore the vans home last night i came to work wearing them again today and i was like i'll just put those old socks on with my normal shoes um for the work day and so i was going to put them on and there is a crust on the bottom of them like not from what you would think i don't know what it's from i think probably just sweat and salt hardening

but the bottoms of these socks are i took them and i was as i was putting them on our little benches we have in our locker room i I was, they were clapping against it. And I'm like, these things are crusty. And you guys were all cringing because I was putting these old-ass gross socks on. And I was like, don't worry. Once I put them on and I start sweating a little bit, they'll get nice and lubed up. That's what you said. You're like, don't get lubed up.

I'm like, yep. Once I put them on and wear them for a little bit, they'll get nice and warm and lubed up. And then I'll be right as rain, baby. Okay, but to clear this up, can you please tell me that you didn't – you must have had to think there was another pair of socks at work, right? Not this pair. Well, because when I had – And this is where I kind of confused myself a little bit

when i came to work the day before i was wearing shoes and socks and i was wearing crew length socks yeah and then i it was hot we were hand watering yesterday and i wore my my vans home for sand volleyball and i left my crew length socks and shoes there the socks i wore that were crusty were like shorty ankle socks and i was like i want to wear those because it's so hot outside i hate wearing crew length socks when it's so hot outside i feel like more of my foot and ankle heat is getting trapped in there does that make sense does everyone get that was that as funny as i thought it was i don't think it was uh it's fucking hilarious because they were gross but if any of you have ever played football or any kind of sport right that you were

see i was the type. I didn't wear high. True length socks. I didn't wear like basketball socks is what I call them. But like your long socks any other time unless I was playing sports. And I can count. I can't even count on two hands how many times that I thought I would pack an extra pair of socks for football practice or basketball practice or whatever. And lo and behold, there wasn't a new pair of socks in there.

And you got to slide on them crusty fucking bitches. You're like, just, it's just a first cracking when you slide them on. Like the kind of socks I can just stand up on their own. Yeah. When you first put them on, it is just, uh, I'm a gross human being for even considering putting a part of my body within this.

Yeah. And then, and then it loops up a little bit. It gets warmed up and then you're like oh it feels like a sock well and i don't give a shit what circumstances i am wearing crusty ass socks over no socks any day well no shit you're gonna go no socks in a shoe fuck no i'm sorry if we're going way over an hour but i gotta tell seven minutes over i gotta tell another story i have a i think i think you would say it's a phobia because i always wear

socks when i have guests over unless you're scared they're going to see your dogs? Because all through high school and everything, I don't think any of my friends or high school girlfriends or anything like that have seen my feet. So you have the opposite of a foot fetish. You have a foot phobia, but of people seeing your feet. Because I feel like if I don't have socks on, people are just staring at my feet. I'm not even bullshit. Are you like ashamed of the way your feet, like your toes looked?

No, I just don't like people looking at my feet. Why? You think it's just like a dude? Some part of your animal brain is like, if you see my bare foot, it's like a weakness is exposed. I don't know. And you're going to look because my feet are the way that i get around so if someone looks at my foot they're gonna see a way to attack me and take a weakness away from if i had friends over at my house

i would sleep and wear socks work boots before i i would sleep and wear socks around my house. Text message. But yeah, that's all I got, unless you got something else. No, I think we pretty much covered everything. That was a good one. Diarrhea on a phone. Someone sleep yelling. Drunkenness. getting our nuts touched getting our nuts touched by is it going to be a thing are we going to bring up our balls in every single podcast somehow uh i don't think so i think the next podcast will make it a deal

to leave our nuts out of it leave your nuts out of it Because our nuts are probably driving you nuts. You like that one? Yeah. I couldn't think of anything I wanted to say. Coors Light. Cold and refreshing. Have a Coors Light on us. It's on the menu tonight. It's not sponsored. Do not.

That'd be pretty fucking sick though. That'd be pretty cool. I mean, I really do like budweiser but course like if you sponsor us i will drink nothing but course all right i think that's gonna do it again at grass daddy's podcast on instagram i'm gonna work on trying to get this to audio only probably on spotify and everything else what at my turf page what's your turf page at camden wellman on instagram oh yeah i forgot cam's a turf influencer now um follow that if you um really have nothing else to look at um go fuck yourself until next time um always add your sidewalks

and keep your grass green keep your grass green. Keep your grass green, baby.