Grass Daddies Podcast - Grass Daddies Podcast Episode 21: Legal

Episode Date: December 18, 2023

In this episode of the Grass Daddies Podcast, it happened folks, Kam has officially reached 21 years of age and already got too dickered on his first bar crawl. The boys talk about going out for Kam's 21st as well as times when they each thought they got the most drunk. The episode ends with a fun and interesting conversation where the boys paint a picture of what the world might look like if either one of them were living alone in it. SHANKITGOLF.COM Code:grass Follow us on Social Media! Youtube: grassdaddiespodcast Instagram: @grassdaddiespodcast @kamdenwellmann @jakekillham Tik Tok: @kandenwellmann (yes that's how it's spelled) @jakekillham11

I don't know, I guess I'd be kind of concerned for my own safety. I'm, at this point... What happens if you break an arm? There's no one to help you. I've mastered all medical... That's not really the thing we're trying to... What were you about to say? I have mastered all medical procedures. Broken limbs.

Dyssectomies. Heart attacks. Doing to myself every night. Bailey's like, I finally want to get pregnant. You're like, well, I got time to talk. Welcome to the Twisted Tea Abbey Sippin' Podcast. Shout out to Millie Lane. That's Cam.

I'm Jake. And we are... The motherfucking Grass Daddy. Yermi. Bitch. Yermi. You understand? Welcome back.

Today we... I come before you with that. And we have some exciting news people because the fellow sitting across from me just turned 21 years old um and i know what you're thinking isn't this guy is your 24 well first of all this is also the 21st episode. So we didn't do that on purpose. But our first episode back from you turning 21. I know what you're thinking. Haven't you guys been drinking in the previous 20 episodes?

Listen, we made it across the border. I mean, you can't get in trouble after, now that you're 21. No. Not a minor anymore. Now all we got to do, I do not disclose underage drinking. Well, and here's the thing. You can't prove what was in any of those cans. I mean, they could have been water.

Yeah, you can't prove that we didn't travel forward in time, record all the episodes. Everything up to this point was stage beer that they use in movies so there was no alcohol consumed on this podcast up to this point and there may not be i don't know what's in the magic mini fridge for this episode but you are now you made it over the line congratulations um firm handshakes all around that was kind of a just handing me your little fingers and just in case you guys don't believe me future jake roll the video of cam purchasing his first alcoholic beverages because i have it on tape i recorded it i have proof all righty folks this is a moment. Cammy is going to purchase

legally his first alcoholic beverage. What's it gonna be, Cam? I don't know. You were saying you wanted some Bud Light Limes. You want for a 12er? I don't see any 6ers anywhere.

You might have to. Fuck it. Hell might have to. Fuck it. Hell yeah, dude. Let's go buy this bitch. We dropped the 12. We found a 6. 12's a little too big for your britches at the moment. We need to start something slight.

I already got a lot of beer in my fridge. Something real slight. And now that I can buy it by myself, I want to just... You never know. I might change my mind. Oh. The anticipation is killing me. First beers as a 21 year old.

My boy's becoming a man. Whip it out, Cammie. You don't look young in my picture. You don't look a day over 12. oh you gotta have the receipt save the receipt package secure cam um take out that little paper i got my id right here let everyone see your address and your social security number i got my my id right here. Let everyone see your address and your social security number. I got my ID right here. Well, that's already been clipped out, and people are already going to probably start hacking you.

That's fine. But, yeah, so I don't know if I just cut that in there already, but you saw it there. That's probably going to be so blurry you saw it first hand the man is legal yeah like this tea we be sipping we're legal we're legal. I ain't switching with a paint grip. Yeah. We're legal. So.

Oh, no, I look 12, but. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see what's in there. What do we got? Banquets? A bush light? Oh, those are mine. A little hodgepodge on this here episode.

We're not doing another taste test. It's just a. No. A little. Wellpodge on this here episode. We're not doing another taste test. It's just a... No. A little... Well, can you just leave them in the fridge? Oh, yeah. Because the cool thing about fridge, a refrigerator, is that you can just leave beverages in there and it'll just keep them cold for you.

And then you can just reopen it. Like I said, the cool thing about fridge. The cool thing about fridge is... We need to get... I'll stay fridged up out here. We're going to have Bailey print that, and we just got to put it on here, fridge. Fridge.

I don't know, though. I don't know if we can, like... I'm a little worried to alter the appearance, because I don't know if we tried putting anything on it, if the curse would backfire or something Because I don't know if we tried putting anything on it. If the curse would backfire or something on us. You know what I mean? I don't know.

Is that what they're calling it now? I got a little fuzz on my beer. I got a little fuzz around that hole. I got a little fuzz. That's how you find it. You know. So. Cam cam turned 21 two days ago today's thursday he turned 21 on tuesday and we went out we did um we went small town bar hopping uh but we only made it to two bars because the cam said i'm only gonna take two shots because i want to remember my 21st birthday i do remember

it i do remember it um and you ended up taking how many shots at the second bar we went to i had 11 beers in seven shots throughout the night yeah from start to finish so we went to the other bar and we i calculated it me and zane calculated it today. We were there for an hour and a half and I had seven shots. That is... I'm no mathematician, but I believe that's too much too quick. Yeah, so it was kind of a shit show, but also... I think everyone had fun except for Cam. No, I had a blast.

Oh, okay. I'm glad. I was having too much fun. I'm glad. I was having too much fun. I'm glad. I don't know. There's probably not much video we can show from that. Plus, it would all be vertical. There's a video of me laying on my bathroom floor after the floor ran into me.

There's me army crawling through my entire apartment um can i just say how much of this were you just knowingly doing on purpose so that you can have none i don't remember are you sure you weren't like i want to get some cool funny videos of me so that i can look back at the night of my 21st and be like yeah look at this well because there's a picture Well, because there's a picture of you on your balcony with your pants down. Okay, that is some... And you're like, dude, this picture is legendary. I'm like, you think this is legendary?

I said... Okay, so... I didn't black out. But I will say the night did get spotty because i i do not go i don't remember going out on my balcony i was a little in and out and then when i was like i didn't remember falling until baby was like you remember eating shit in the bathroom and i was like and then it

all came back to me i remembered how i did it, like, I don't really remember leaving the bar. I remember taking a piss right in the middle of the road. Which we don't condone. Please, if you're going to use, if you're going to defecate and or. No, if you're going to piss, you piss outside. But not in the middle of a highway do whatever your heart which may or may not have happened you don't have proof you can't prove it um unless a deer came by and licked that up and just passed out from how um how much fireball was in your urine but

yeah there's like certain things like that i think it was like the least important things okay like what does that say like things that like my body wasn't trying to remember i forgot about oh but you can we just go back to you had your pants down with a with a cigarette in between your fingers. And you're like this. And you're like, dude, this picture was legendary. And I'm like, dude, it's fucking funny. I said, the word you're using is legendary for this.

And you're just like, yeah, dude. I'm like, well, I mean, it's funny. As long as you're happy with it. Well, so I completely. I don't think if anyone's like, as long as you're happy with it. Well, so I completely. I don't think if anyone's like, who do you host your podcast with? And I'm going to be like, I got a perfect picture to show you. And then pull up this picture and be like, look at this guy. Look at this legend.

They're going to be like, is that kid okay? Well, so I didn't even remember going out on my balcony. And then Zane was telling me that, like, I came in and I was like, all right, I want one more drunk stogie before I go to bed. And he's like, I'll smoke one with you. And then I guess I was just standing out there and I was like, man, I'm fucking hot. And I guess I just started getting undressed. But, yeah.

It got greasy. It was pretty greasy. But it was a fun night the way i think about it is that's what people are supposed to do on their 21st birthday is get fucked up so i don't really feel bad i guess well i wouldn't you shouldn't feel bad as long as you had a fun night and nobody got seriously hurt i mean you did'll say, get a legendary gift from me. Yeah. Whip it out! Can I run up and grab it?

Yeah. Alright, keep talking. So, what's funny is that this whole thing was planned around going to the Stars game um tomorrow night friday night and um we're we're taking all our friends out with us um we're gonna be rolling deep there's gonna be like 11 of us so it's gonna be a fun time um but this whole week was kind of planned around that and tuesday night was just supposed to be like a i can go out and buy beers now because i'm 21 so let's go out hit a couple small town bars you know it wasn't supposed to be like a i can go out and buy beers now because i'm 21 so let's go out hit a couple small town bars you know it wasn't supposed to be too crazy um but it turned into

a little bit of i won't say fiasco but uh there they are Jake got me this. A BAC tracker for my keys. And for those of you that don't know, BAC stands for blood alcohol content because that is a breathalyzer. So you whip this thing up right here. And, suitingly, they are right next to his keys. Yeah. Which could be seen as responsible. And you press this little button on the side.

Give it a run. Give it a run. You've had a couple beers. You wait like 30 seconds. It counts down and then tells you to blow. Blow right into the microphone so they can hear it camden is now blowing into his breathalyzer 0.03 see 0.03 the man is he's got a ways to go before he even needs to think about not touching his keys. I will say on my birthday, I hit.14. On my birthday, I hit.14.

Yeah, it didn't take us long to whip out the old internet to see what is considered a dangerously high level. It's like.3. .3 is like your flirter was seriously injuring your body. Yeah. I think it said 0.5 0.5 is like likelihood of death um so you were good you were you were speaking of which i have well it's not really a funny story but it's kind of crazy We had a kid that was two years younger than me when I was a senior. Got a DUI and a MIP.

And he blew.258. That's really high. That's dangerously high. .258. That's really fucking high. For a sophomore, yeah. Oh, yeah. really fucking high for a sophomore yeah um oh yeah should i talk about um because we're we're coming up on um christmas here and um a year ago um so the the first podcast that ben was on we talked about the drunkest we've ever been and oh yeah somehow i completely forgot about

um probably the actual drunkest i've ever been and this isn't actually it starts off funny but then it gets not very funny um so honest to god i want to put it out something there anybody that's listening if we do have younger listeners, I don't know. Our podcast is pretty vulgar for younger listeners, but I just want to say if you guys are drinking, yeah, we might,

you know, we dabble a little bit, but like drink safely, please. Yeah. Um, so last year around this time, um,

we did soberber December. So we didn't drink for all of December except on your birthday. I wasn't drinking. I don't know what you're talking about. We already established this. So we took a month off of drinking. And then Christmas rolled around. And I'm like, well, I'm not going to not drink on Christmas.

So we were up at my aunt and uncle's house, and they have a hot tub, and some of you probably already know where I'm going with this. Mixing a hot tub and alcohol is never a good thing, because you're already dehydrating yourself by drinking a bunch of alcohol, and a hot tub will really dehydrate you it just it speeds up the process yeah so combining the two can be very dangerous and um so i had taken a month off of drinking i had i want to say like 13 beers and this was before we busted into some of the hard alcohol because we always do a white elephant every year,

and one of the white elephant gifts was pickle vodka, which is delicious. It is dangerously good. Because it legit tastes like pickle juice. Have you ever had the spicy pickle vodka? I don't think so. All right, while I'm ruining your Christmas gift, I'm going to get you a bottle of Pico Vodka.

So me and my cousins and my girlfriend, Lena, were passing that around in the hot tub. That bottle got finished. A bottle of, like, Pink Whitney got brought out, passed around the hot tub. That bottle got finished. And as we've established on this podcast podcast my gulps are not very small so i was probably having another two or three beers worth equivalent of hard alcohol every time i would take a poll um and then my cousin brought out a bottle of um crown crown royal um i don't think that bottle got finished but that bottle got passed around so i already had like

13 beers and then had hard alcohol on top of it when i got out of that hot tub i was stumbling around and i laid down um and we were sleeping on an air mattress. And I'm like, I have the spin so fucking bad, I need to go get sick. So Lena and I went into the bathroom, and we were taking turns on that toilet. Just puking. What? We were just, your turn. My turn. Your turn.

Like, we were just, so we were puking, and finally once it subsided, we went to bed. I laid down. I woke up at like 3 a.m um had to pee i couldn't find the door because it was dark in there i was like feeling the wall because i thought i knew what wall i was on but i wasn't found the door and when i came back to bed and laid back down my heart rate felt really weird and i was like feeling my pulse and i'm like my heartbeat is not normal well and i can once again if none of you guys have ever been like decently fucked up and you go to bed and like you wake up in the middle of night you can like sometimes hear like your heartbeat because your body's like

not really worried about anything else and you're like trying to go to sleep so is that is that what you're saying like you could like without i don't know i could your pulse could you like tell like i could i could feel my heart pounding um but i could also feel that it was beating irregularly and i was like what and i was like now i irregularly. And I was like, what? And I was like, now I was getting scared because I was like feeling my heart. Yeah. And it was like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Like it was not beating regularly.

Yeah. And I was like, well, you know, maybe it'll be better. I woke up in the morning and it was the same. And I looked up on my phone and they said it can be sometimes called holiday heart. It's a nickname for what actually was happening, which was atrial fibrillation. That's the word for it. When your heart's beating irregularly. And they call it holiday heart.

Because sometimes people like me. Will binge drink. Around the holidays. And that can happen. If you binge drink too aggressively. It can cause atrial fibrillation. And pretty much the whole day. My heartbeat was irregular and I was

exhausted because your heart beating is like what determines if your body's fatigued or not yeah so I was horribly fatigued my heart was beating you know I could feel my heart when it was beating um I it's not like it stopped beating ever but sometimes it would like kind of pause and like you know it just wasn't like two instead of yeah like it was not normal and it didn't feel good beat supposed to be just consistent a steady pace it's steady rhythm yeah or slightly slower than that but it it's not there's a reason why it's not to go bump bump bump bump bump yeah shouldn't be doing that there's a reason why people sometimes get pacemakers you know it should be a consistent

pace yeah a consistent rhythm yeah um because which there's probably there's nurses out there that can just tell that shit by feeling it but um but yeah so that's probably the drunkest i actually have ever been and i don't consider it why not uh because it was shortly after we moved down here i just moved out of my parents house you know i'm like okay i'm an adult now so whatever i have it's my consequences on my terms so i got a bottle of fireball and I decided to finish the entire thing straight. And this is when I weighed like 140 pounds. So now you're a heavy, heavy 180.

Yeah. You can really soak it up. Well, in all reality, weight does affect honestly how much you can drink. Oh, yeah. 140 pounds is not much at all and i was sitting there just i just drank a whole bottle of fireball straight i was just had the bottle of fireball in my hand i was just pulling it and then i got sipping on it like it's a big beer yeah and i got completely blacked out i that's black that's what that's how i know i didn't black out

tuesday because i know what blackout is i that's how i know i didn't black out tuesday because i know what blackout is i didn't remember getting home i don't remember anything where were you at we were at bailey's friends apartment like so in the same apartment complex oh but they got like videos of me walking from there well i wasn't walking i was getting drug from yeah there you don't remember any of it i don't remember any of it. I don't remember any of it. That's got to be kind of scary. I don't know if you guys. Yes.

If that has ever happened to you waking up the next morning because I woke up the next morning. And so our bed relatively how I knew because when I woke up, I was like, man, I'm not that bad. Like, I know I had a lot to drink last night, but I don't remember everything. So I don't remember when I stopped or what I woke up I was like man I'm not that bad like I know I had a lot to drink last night but I don't remember everything so I don't remember when I stopped or what I did so I woke up and I was like man I don't feel too bad you know I know I drank a lot last night but I don't feel too bad and then I stood up and the next morning I are Our closet door was right next to our bed, and I just fucking was like, could not catch myself. I was still fucked up. Really?

I would say I was probably as fucked up, maybe a little less than I was Tuesday, when I woke up. When you woke up the next morning. Yeah. So I've always been fascinated about because i've never personally i've never blacked out um i'm always curious because you know i come from a psychology background i'm basically a psychology doctor um what is in terms of the memory aspect what is it like is it just you have vague memories leading up to next thing you know you're waking up in the morning or no what is it like is it just like

being blacked out i remember i was sitting on the couch watching youtube and then i woke up the next morning that's exactly i remember i remember the last pull of fireball i took and then that must have been the deal sealer because i don't remember anything anything i know but so how fast was the memory recollection was it just like that i was sitting there in the chair and then you woke up and you're like wait i thought i was just drinking was it like that or was it like no it was like when you wake up when i woke up i could put like two and two together like Like, oh, I somehow got home. Like, I know I was drinking a lot. It's not like, oh my God, I just had a beer in my hand like an hour ago. No, you, your body, I think can remember like how much time has gone past, but I don't remember anything I did.

Like I got home. Like when you sleep and you know that when you went to sleep felt like a while ago. Yeah. Like you can tell like is it like sleeping like falling asleep kind of because it what i'm i guess what i'm describing is like if you go into surgery under anesthesia you're like they tell you to start counting back and then they're like next thing you know they're like you're done you're just like i thought we just started you know what i mean have you ever experienced that like when i got my wisdom teeth taken out like they started yeah and i was like aren't i supposed to be like passed out right

now and then they were just like all right we're done i'm like well when i got like my wisdom teeth they were like yeah you're the hardest person we've had in a while because like they were like pumping me with like you're unconscious and you just kept talking she was like she like was all right she's like we're gonna do the first round of anesthesia you know you might feel it like don't freak out like this is what it is yeah and they have like that whole thing of like five syringes set up okay because i think that's the max you can like ingest somebody with like one is normal human two is big dog three is a fucking horse alligator four is bear and five is clydesdale well like and i was like i was sitting there and i was like fully waiting like i was like all right like i'm ready to seven like i'm ready to fucking fall

asleep i ended up making it to four oh syringes and then like i remember the last thing i remember before like they put the fourth one in they're like okay we need to up the like nos or nitrogen or whatever the fuck it is and they put more of that in, and then right as they went, I went, and then I woke up. Like a light. But no, I would 100% rather pass out from anesthetics than alcohol. Yeah, I think one is definitely more safer. No, because I came home, and my face is bruised up, so I guess I ate shit in my bathroom at some point. It's like the panic of it is you don't know what you did

yeah the panic is probably well i know my body was still moving around but i was unconscious well yeah like and that's the thing is as the the human body, you know, your mind, especially mine, it goes like. Your mind is an autopilot. The worst case scenario, like when I was like, I got home and I swear I was still drunk at work until 3 a.m. Not until 3 a.m., until 3 p.m. when we got off work. And that's when I finally, and then I hit my hangover at like 2 in the afternoon. The following day of that. Yeah, I hit my hangover at like 2. Do you remember what we of that yeah i hit my hangover do you remember what we were doing i had to mow teas and mow teas i came in and we

have a chair like this and i like went to sit in it and i almost missed the entire chair and then everybody was like you have a rough night last night i'm like uh rough night uh i don't remember any of it and i'm still drunk so here i am and then they're like well we'll see how this goes when you mow tees and i was laying down some fucking lasers i'm actually serious straightest i've ever i got on that mower and i was like but the drunkest i would ever been i i don't count that because i don't remember it. So. Yeah, I guess. It was stupid.

I guess you could say the drunkest you've physically been. That actually, honest to God, getting blackout drunk, if you. I don't understand how alcoholic people do it. Well, like you said. People will go and get blackout drunk and continue to do it. Yeah, like there would be some people, like, I would go to house parties at, and they'd be like, I'm getting blacked out tonight. I'm like, like, you're going to try to? I feel like a blackout should only happen accidentally. Because if anyone is physically trying to, I don't know.

Like I said, I never have, and I hope I never do, because I don't want to. Why would I want to? I'm not saying that I would have drove. I'm not saying any of that. But the thing is, is I could have done that and not known about it. And not known.

That's the thing. I could have ran somebody over and not known about it you could have done anything and not remembered it dude someone there was these two dogs running across the road i've seen that did you see that yeah how far so you were like i was a car behind you you saw those fucking dogs almost get smoked yeah oh my god dude those were two expensive ass dogs one was a wire hair and one was a german shore hair i didn't know that but fuck they almost got ran over by a truck i know i seen him pulled out and running and i thought about did you see that car with the big ass coffee mug on top no okay well i'm just gonna say this really quick since i just kind of

left the topic the drunkest i've ever been was honestly probably Tuesday. Like physically drunk. Really? Yeah. You were pretty fucked. Because that's the closest I've ever been. Like things getting spotty and blackout. Okay. And I've been, I mean, I've been working on my self-control and controlling it. But all of you, when you first turned 21, it's just, it's a different feeling than just going over the bar and you're like, yep, I'm going to drink this one.

Well, I mean, you were celebrating. Um, I mean, when I turned on my birthday, I got pretty fucked up. Um, well, and the other thing was I had somebody that was just forking me shots. Yeah. So. And, and then. thing was I had somebody that was just forking me shots. Yeah. So, I don't know. If you're with someone and you can see that they're getting really intoxicated and you keep feeding them alcohol, that's kind of a dick move in my opinion. Because it's like, you're basically like, I don't care if they have a fucking shitty night now because you know you know what's gonna happen they're gonna get too drunk and be miserable so it's like why would you keep feeding them shots it's almost like you're trying to make them

yeah make their life suck well anyways i don't know all i know is i was fucked up but yeah it was time to be done anyways i mean i could have played that stupid ass card of like okay i'll just sit here and sober up but like once you start sobering up you're you're done like you have no energy well okay so i don't mean to laugh and you say you've been working on your self-control but i'm around you a lot and you're a pretty impulsive person and i'm just laughing because before days leading up to this bar crawl you said i'm only going to take two shots because i want to remember my 21st and two turned into seven but okay but i bought the only shot i bought was zane's that i bought for him but yeah yeah yeah that's that's

the thing if someone's buying shots for you you're not gonna be like they set it down in front of you you're not just gonna go no like you're gonna take it yeah and that's kind of like the position i was in because i'm like i told you guys i only want two shots and what i meant by that was okay i might buy one and you guys can buy me one buy me one and not i i mean shout out to scott because he bought me a bunch of free alcohol, but like. It was fun. It was. But. And then I cried tears of joy.

I got to address this because I did find out I did cry tears of joy. What? I did cry. You cried tears of joy? Yeah, I think so. I don't know. Well. We don't need to address this.

I don't really remember that part because I didn't want to, but. Well, we don't need to address this. I don't really remember that part because I didn't want to. Well, we don't need to address this. Yeah. It's a fireball. But at least not on the air. Enough of that. That's the drunkest we've ever been. Comedy podcast. I've got a couple.

What was the game you wanted to play? I've got a couple funny stories. Well, a funny story and a game I wanted to play. Should I tell the funny story first? No, end it with the funny story. Well, the game might take us a while. Okay, go ahead. So, the other day, I went to I went to Ace and I went to get some Christmas light clips like shingle clips um and I got I got the box and I went to check out and

I'm trying to I'm trying to remember how this exactly went because this is so the thing said insert card and right as I was inserting it she said would you like to round up for the children's hospital

um but it was. Right as I had already inserted it. So I went oh sorry. But and then she was like. Okay. And then it hit me a second later. That I was like she probably thought I said nope.

So. So she's like you want to donate. To the children's hospital. I'm like nope sorry. Right as I'm inserting my card, just blowing right by the little, do you want to donate to sick kids? Nope. That's probably what she thought I said. And then I realized it too late because I thought about, I thought about like, once I realized that, think she said I, I think she thought I said nope.

But I'm from Nebraska, so I say, oh, it's a very common thing in the Midwest. You're walking through a door and someone, like, walks in front of you and, like, you have to stop. You just go, you go, oh. It's like a, it's basically like a shorter way of saying, oh, shit. Excuse me, or I didn't mean to, or, oh, look out. So I accidentally messed up by putting my card in before she could say anything. So I went, oh, sorry. But I realized she probably thought I said nope.

So I was like, for a split second, I was like, should I just be like, actually, can you put a dollar on? But then I was like, I can't do that now. I can't just change my mind and be like, actually, no. Because then she'd probably be like, well, you already paid. And then she probably would have been like, well, you've already stated the point that you're a shitty human being. Well, you've already said nope to me asking if you want to donate to children so well my that was my unfortunate little mishap my mom's boyfriend donates like saint jude or whatever and they send things all the time. Like once a month. They send stuff to you? Yeah. Like what?

Like finger paintings? Macaroni art? No. Thank you for saving my life? They send you things of like oh would you please donate to do this?

Oh it's like send more money. It's like constant. I'm all for like helping people out but it's like when you're constantly like like the camp out for kids.

You're like, well, I already saved one kid. So the gas station that's by our work, they do a camp out for kids where you donate money and then they buy Christmas gifts for kids that are. And it's like I don't do it every single time. I don't do it every single time. Every other time I'm in there, I do it. Because it's like do you write your name each time or yeah you write something else last year there was people like fucking ted bundy and fuck yeah that was kind of so the the gas station so for those of you that don't know what we're talking about sometimes gas stations or like store like convenience stores you can donate and then if you donate they'll give you

a little thing and you can write your name and then they'll like stick it on a wall and you'll see just a wall of these like post-it note type things um but this gas station cashier right by our work he was like yeah whenever someone like they'll say do you want to write your name like and some people will just be like that's okay and they'll take their shit and leave like they'll say do you want to write your name like and some people will just be like that's okay and they'll take their shit and leave like they'll donate but they don't feel like writing their name down yeah so he's like so i'll just take it and write it for him and i've just been writing like celebrities like all this presley was on there all this presley and but then yeah he started writing like serial killers names it's like this is like that donation for life there was like jeffrey, Ted Bundy, fucking...

I can't remember, but there was a shit ton of them. It's like, wait, what is this actually a donation for? Oh, women's rights? Ted Bundy? Fuck. What are you doing? Well, there was just like... There was one of them...

Fuck, what's the guy that would dress up as a clown? John Wayne Gacy. Yeah. Puts John Wayne Gacy on there. There was one of them. Fuck, what's the guy that would dress up as a clown? John Wayne Gacy. Yeah. Puts John Wayne Gacy on there. He targeted kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it was for a children's hospital, it's like, Jesus Christ. I mean, you're talking about a fucking.

How fucking insensitive are you? Child molesting serial killer. Well, and then, like, the other day I walked in. If you ride Elvis Presley or Johnny Cat, that's funny, sure. There was one that was, like, Jon Bon Jovi. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Bon Jovi. But he's like, I was running out of celebrities, so we see Ted Bundy. I was going to do, like, my boss's name.

Like, haha, I pranked nobody by just putting someone else's name down i did put one this year that says jake kill him on it you did yeah nobody knows my last name now i'm gonna have to bleep that dude they have your instagram you fucking idiot i'm just kidding but i just wanted you to walk up there back when did i donate yeah honestly i'd probably be like i probably didn't forgot because my memory is horrible. That's part of the reason why I got that. Did I tell you about that? How Lena and I both opened a present early because I saw on her laptop, which we use for this podcast, one of the presents she was getting me.

And then one of the presents that I got for her was a fridge magnet that's like a calendar it's like a see-through it's like a you can well you ride on it with like expo markers um because it is such a good gift it's practical it helps her and me because i'll be like i want to do this on saturday and she'll be like, I want to do this on Saturday. And she'll be like, but we already are going to this. And I'll be like, fuck, I forgot because I have a horrible short-term memory. And so now we have this calendar where we can write shit down to help me remember. Of course, I put your birthday and the Stars game on there.

One of the first things I got written on there. But, yeah. So she'll... I forgot where we were going with this. But, yeah. Basically, now I can remember stuff. What I was saying was I have a horrible memory. You have a horrible memory because...

So I wouldn't put it past me....you see past your gift you were leading somewhere with seeing your gift on here no no no or is that why you opened it because you said that you wrote my name down and you were hoping that i would be like oh i don't think you brought up but then i said i was saying it wouldn't be unrealistic for me to actually just think i did because i forgot but you just you you started the conversation with that you we use lena's computer for this podcast and you've seen one of the gifts yeah so that's why we both opened oh okay that's why we both opened the gift okay but um i'm rambling a little bit am i rambling a little bit i don't know and i don't

think an hour is long enough sometimes when it gets like an hour i'm like dude i want to do another one well so we're going on vacation the week of christmas so we might have to double up next week we might have to double up next week and record two either way is fine unless you want to come over here break into our house, and bring a guest. I could probably do that. Record a podcast. It's only fair since I've had a guest on.

I could find somebody to be my guest. So do you want to play this game that I thought of at work today? Are we feeding your cats? Probably have to. Okay. Probably have to. I don't think we've addressed that yet or cross our bridge yet well um so let's play a game do you want to play this game that i thought of at work so this is the kind of stuff that just goes through my mind when i'm hanging out with you so we've been doing a lot of irrigation fixes at work

and cam likes to do this thing where he'll ball up pieces of mud and just throw them at things as we're driving by um like trees signs you name it the signs are funny one One of our coworkers. And he just gets... I mean, look at him. He reaps so much joy and glee from just taking a ball of mud and splatting it against an object. Okay. I throw it at the sign every time we drive by and it just goes... It goes bang. So, it's funny for the first few throws.

But he thinks it's funny way longer than I think it's funny. But I still just kind of go with it. And it kind of hit me today. I was thinking about something. And I was like, I bet we could turn this into a game for the podcast. When he threw this piece of mud at a piece of equipment and it stuck right to it and i'm like there are numerous pieces of just mud balls stuck to everything around this property and it got me thinking what would the world look like if cam just lived by himself

so i think it would be fun if we take turns um i'll do you first and then you can do me okay if you lived on this planet by yourself, no one else, what would the world look like? What does that mean? Like, would there just be little pieces of mud stuck to random objects? Would there just be beer cans everywhere? I don't, you know, would there just be little piles of jizz everywhere? Okay, so are we doing our... Okay, so we got to do each other and then

we got to do ourselves okay does that sound fair sure okay so i'm doing you or you're doing me first i'll do you oh you'll do me first all right that sounds like a deal um and this is kind of a crazy scenario because like just like i guess imagine that you're perfectly content living in a world by yourself. Like, you don't need any outside. Like Bryce. Like, you don't need any other people around you. You don't need any kind of, like, outside stimulation. Just based on your personality, what would the world around you look like?

Your young grippers just touched me. Yeah, my dogs are out under the table. I feel like one of the things I think about is like any sort of just like little mud or like water puddle, you're driving straight through it. So there's going to be ruts everywhere.

I feel like there's just going to be ruts in the ground because now that you're in a world by yourself oh ain't no fucking way you're this is there is no other human being on no you're on your this is me this is like if you're wally oh my god i'm gonna have the most bitching universe ever so you think uh 100 i think that there's gonna be a bunch of broken shit because you love breaking shit i'm gonna start and i'm just gonna destroy especially especially since you know that you don't have any consequences there's gonna be so many shattered windows every in fact every window that cam passes on a day-to-day basis i guarantee it's going to be

cracked or shattered there's going to be just ruts through open fields from you just flooring it through a cornfield like i'm not taking roads to work or wherever you're going this is the most excited i've ever been picturing myself in a world with nobody else. I mean, I feel like the way... I feel like you would be... Let's say you're eating a bag of Doritos and you take the last chip and put it in your mouth. You're probably just dropping it and turning and walking away. You're not going to take it to a trash can.

You're not worried about anything. Hey, that piece of fucking tinfoil Dorito bag might help in the future. Like, you get done with something, there's going to be a bunch of half-completed projects. There's no laws. No laws. There's no one else on the world with you. On the planet with you. There's going to be a bunch of what looks like a project that's happening that's half completed. Just left on its own. Because you'll be working on something.

And look over there. What is that? And you're going to just stop whatever you're doing. And go work. And go look at or do whatever. Oh, look. There's a window I haven't broken yet. And you're just going to leave whatever you're doing and go work and go look at or do whatever um oh look there's a window i haven't broken yet and you're just gonna leave whatever you're doing so there's just gonna be piles of projects randomly strewn about that are half completed because you got distracted by something else um i never thought i could have so much fun inside my brain until now I'm pondering all the ideas.

There's just going to be like, I don't know, sticky nudie magazines laying everywhere. I just feel like it's going to be pretty messy. But eventually I'm going to run out of lotion in the world. Well. Alright, what do you think the world would look like for me um honestly it's just gonna be a bunch of cut down trees and you're just gonna find okay so i before i do this the world has just been abandoned you have everything like all basically if right now, everyone just vanished.

And you're here. Everyone vanished. Jake's going to find the biggest possible house for what reason, I don't know. But he's going to find the biggest possible house. And everything in our world is just going to be brown. And then there's just going to be this perfectly green spot of grass with a nice house on it. He's going to go steal what once used to be farmers' tractors, and he's just going to be cruising around in a tractor. Probably will be.

He might have a cornfield or two. There's just going to be, I don't know, a shit ton of wood projects projects so what you're saying is it's basically just a paradise for a blue collar man that's what i'm gonna create and you're probably right there's gonna be a bunch of beer but unlike me jake's gonna be the smart one that slows down that realizes that there's no beer manufacturers left so he's gonna take his time drinking through it well with cams there's just gonna be like a million and a half drink cans no he sat down and he's like fuck i don't know if that's from a month ago or the one i was just drinking so i better open another one so then you open another one um and then you see a fucking squirrel well

i don't know are there squirrels in this if there's squirrels in this universe then you open another one. And then you see a fucking squirrel. Well, I don't know. Are there squirrels in this? If there's squirrels in this universe, then you're really in trouble. No, there is all the animals. Only humans died. All the animals. There's animals? Yeah.

Okay, so there's going to be a pile of dead coyotes. Like a mountain of dead coyotes. From Cam just coyote hunting every night. You're going to have like two cats. You're going to have about four dogs. One cat. One barn cat. Yeah.

I might even have more animals than that. There's going to be a shit ton of cans of baked beans, Fritos, hamburger. Yep. I love me a Frito pie. Just the most gluttonous shit. Yeah. If I have unlimited time, though, and unlimited resources, I think I'd get pretty jacked. Because I think now that I don't have to worry about work, I'd probably get up early, you know, take a nap.

Then I'd work out. This is making me horny just thinking about all the things I could get up. Why is it making you horny? I don't know. I'm bricked up. I'm just kidding. You're like, oh, my God, I can break into every porn shop and get every fleshlight known to man from this celebrity and this celebrity. Because I have a lot of intrusive thoughts.

All right. Okay. So now you describe your ideal universe that you would create for yourself. Okay. So it's your turn to do yours now. I am going to go steal the biggest bulldozer. You don't have to steal. It's not stealing.

Okay. Well, I'm going to go get the biggest bulldozer and all the heavy equipment because I like operating equipment. Facts. And I'm going to get a sledgehammer. True. And I'm just going to go out to the nicest golf course around me. Okay. And I'm just going to knock down every building besides.

And then I'm going to build a nice big shop for all my equipment. I'm going to manage a golf course by myself. That's honestly kind of sweet. I'm going to have a house on this golf course. Okay. A big-ass house. And so then I can just be, oh, I think I need a tee time today. All right, my tee time is 9.15 15 in the morning my tea time is now i'm gonna go swingy quick 9 swing quick 18 whatever i want

you're like jesus do they even mow this fucking place you're like oh wait drinking beer left and right i'm gonna hands everywhere just mowing through cans. No, no, no, no. No, no. Hear me out. The golf course, like, whatever the golf course is mapped out, that's going to be the only clean place on Earth. Everything else, it is going to be like Wally. Yeah. And every other house... Just piles of trash everywhere.

I'm just going to take my bulldozer and be cruising down the street. I'll be like, oh, hey, that house looks familiar. So you're just going to drive through fucking houses. I would have too much of a conscience to be like, this was once somebody's home. And, like, what? I don't know if people are going to be teleported back to here. What happens if someone teleports back

and their house is just bulldozed down? You know what I mean? It's like... I'm not saying wall the bulldozer's driving through. But, I don't know. I would feel bad. I'm a very nostalgic person. I would also argue I'm a pretty empathetic person.

Oh, I'm 100% keeping the icebox open. Like, that shit. But, oh my god. Things that are valuable to you, but anything else is valuable to someone else. Fuck that. I'm bulldozing it down. I take back the bulldozing idea.

So I'm going to go through stuff way too quick. This is how I picture myself. Nobody's around, and I just got a bunch of houses, right? I'm going to go pick the biggest house or whatever building that has the biggest windows. I'm going to grab me my lawn chair. I'm going to sit that fucker down. I'm going to have a bucket, a five-gallon bucket of rocks. I'm glad that you have unlimited resources in the entire universe,

and all you want to do is just throw rocks at it. You realize that throwing rocks is like what kids do for fun? Like when kids don't have access to anything i'm gonna have like let's throw rocks at a sign i'm gonna have my big ass i'm a big ass speaker i'm gonna have a big old igloo cooler or a yeti cooler whatever i decide it's just gonna be plumb full of beer it's gonna be plumb full of beer i'm gonna be just sitting there in my lawn chair sipping a beer grabbing a rock fucking throwing it out the window Take another sip, grab another rock, throw it out the window

Until I'm just fucked Until I'm fucked up and then I'm going to drive home And I'm going to hit every sign on the way home And then I'm just going to I wasn't far off Is what you're saying with how I think your universe is I'm going to play golf. I'm going to maintain a golf course.

I might dwindle it down to even a little par 3 course. You know what? I think that says something that the fact that what you do in real life for an actual job is what you would do if you lived in a fantasy world where you could do whatever you want yeah i'm gonna maintain a golf course and then i can go hunting at night i can golf during the day fuck i'll even go get some glow balls i'll play golf at night i don't give a fuck okay i'll have my own tournament guess who will win me but guess who will also lose you and then i'll just you can't tell me it's ever not crossed your mind that you've been at a golf course and you see like of just sheer drop off that you just want to take your golf cart just whomp it over well i don't know i guess i'd be kind of concerned for my own safety i'm at this what happens if you break an arm there's no one to help you i've mastered all medical that's not really the that's not really the thing we're trying to

what were you about to say i have mastered all medical procedures broken limbs vasectomies heart attacks one to myself every night Bailey's like I finally want to get pregnant you're like well I got time to die how do you see your own world well I kind of like the map that you or the world that you mapped out for me because I would have

an immaculate lawn because that's something I take pride in and passion in and have a hobby in. I was also thinking about, you know, we can travel wherever we want. I might just fucking go on a road trip, you know, go out to the West Coast or something,

you know, get like a fucking crazy supercar and just whip that thing around. That'd be fucking fun. Going like 220 down. I 80. Cause who the fuck's going to stop you? Nobody might be the deer that runs out in front of you, but he might have something to say about it. Um,

but no, I think, I think you were right. Like I'd have, I, I would make, I would make a lot of things. That's one of the things that I really like to do and keeps me sane is like working with my hands. And because we're also talking about, I might have a, I might have a touch. I think you have ADHD. I might have a touch i think you have adhd i might have a touch um something that would keep me sane i think would be working on things making things

and this happens for me in real life when i i i tell lena like i'm in the mood to be creative i need to be creative i need to make something or you know and do you get them like fits of cleaning like it'll just hit you where you're like oh my god this is bothering me I'm gonna go clean it up no but after I get done cleaning something I feel so good I feel so achieved and um less anxious because i feel like sometimes anxious sometimes like anxiety being like anxious and depressed um will make me have a lack of desire like it's hard to get up and get something done um but like if you clean something, you're just like, ah, now I can sit down and relax because I did something. But so if I was living in my own world, there would definitely be a lot of projects that get done.

Um, I would definitely just be driving tractors around. You nailed that. Um, this is like GTA five. I basically would just become a farmer. I think I would just make up. I would just become a farmer. I think I would just become a farmer. I kind of changed mine. Okay. I think in my own world, I'm going to have a schedule.

I'm going to go manage the golf course, do what I got to do. But I'm not going to have a shit ton of rough. I'm going to have fairways, greens, and rough. I can do that all in a day in a par 3 course. So you're going to go native. Have a lot of native grass. Have a lot of native grass. Keep it natural.

Keep all the bugs and insects there. Let them do their thing. Hey. Pollinate. There you go. I'm spraying at night. Hey, I don't want to die. You have me running through the world.

You have me running a world. There's enough chaos going on yeah i gotta keep some things pristine which is will be my golf like if i come through the portal and i'm like wait whose universe is this or like cam i'm just like i'm out um i'm gonna have that i'm gonna have a pretty luscious lawn because my house is just gonna be in the center of the golf course um but and then i'm just going to have a schedule. Okay, I got to go and mow this morning. All right, well, I don't feel like golfing today.

I'm going to go fish. And then I'm going to go bowling at the bowling alley that I dilded into bullish. I'm just going to do whatever the fuck I want. Well, yeah, sure. Whenever I want. I'm going to have a fast-ass car. Okay. I'm going to have a badass pickup

okay i'm gonna have plenty of equipment i'm just gonna have anything and everything i can think of if i'm like oh man today i want this okay well where is the close all right well we'll just go get one of them i'm gonna go get it i'm gonna go buy a jackhammer to break out i don't know it's crazy that... I'm going to get a port-a-shitter, and that's going to be the only thing I piss and shit in. I'm going to buy one of the trucks, too.

You know, this isn't a super logical, like... Because you're just like, well, guys, what happens if, like, your plumbing is backed up? Like, is the water system still... Is the sewer system still working? Don't think that far into it. Everything is still working.

Motherfucker. Okay. Paint this as a Birmingham. What? You never heard the song Paint Me a Birmingham? No. Okay. Well, anyways, that went over your head.

Say you're living in a world as I Am Legend. Have you seen that movie? No. With Will Smith? But I know. And the dog? And there's, like, the creatures and shit? I haven't seen it.

That come out at night? I know about it. I haven't seen it. Well, never mind, then. Well, he lives in a world, like, there's, like, creatures that are trying to kill him, and it's just, like, him and his dog. his dog so it's like kind of what we're doing but like i'm not trying to make it like apocalyptic i'm trying no i know i know i'm just saying like i was just i was just sitting at work and i'm just like what would the world look like if cam just had complete and total

control and could do whatever he wanted and i was like i think there would be a mess pause i am living in shields okay i am living in shields shields might be the sickest store i know that'd be kind of sweet to just like i'm gonna bed down i'm just gonna bed down in this mattress store tonight and i'm gonna push a bunch of mattresses together yeah that'd be sweet dude see i'm telling you this might be the coolest game i've ever played on the show hey it's not really a game it's more of just like a brain tosser i would do i'm just gonna simple it out anything that this comes up with i am am 100% doing. Yeah, because you're impulsive. That's called impulsivity. I think about something I want, and I

get it. I think about something I want to do, and I do it. I took you to one hockey game, and you're like, I want to be a hockey player. And you've never been ice skating. And you're like, I think I can do it. I know I can do it. You've never even been on ice skates. I've been on ice sk know I could do it. You've never even done, you've never even been on ice skates.

I've been on ice skates with a walker. When you were six. I could do it. A hundred bucks, I could do it. I might fall once or twice, but I could do it. Well,

we're going to test that. And guess what? I'm going to film it and I'm probably going to put it on the pod. Because, oh man, I have to pee so bad. Should we wrap it up test that. And guess what? I'm going to film it and I'm probably going to put it on the pod. Go for it. Oh, man. I have to pee so bad.

Should we wrap it up? Should we wrap it up? I'm over here playing chicken fuck with my dick. I know what you just said. Thank you guys for watching. What are our normal plugs? Before we go. Oh, yeah.

Cam, hit that breathalyzer while I say. Thank you for watching. Audio only on Spotify and Apple Podcast. If you want to buy polos for, you know. If you want to buy polos or hats. Golf bags, golf gloves, towels. Anything you could think of, it's on our Instagram in the bio. Any sort of golf accessories, go to shankitgolf.com and use code grass um cam just blew a i'm good 0.08 you're not good that's the limit 0.08 is illegal if you're 0.79 0.079 then you can drive well so we're gonna soap him up before he goes home. Don't worry. We don't, um, we don't,

we don't drink and drive around here unless they have to. Um, until next time, keep your fucking grass green and predict the world

you live in by yourself. Say it again. Until next time, until next time, keep your grass green and predict the world you live in by yourself. Say it again. Until next time. Until next time. Keep your grass green and predict the world you'll live in by yourself. Whatever that means. I'll be back again and again and again and again and again and again.