Grass Daddies Podcast - Grass Daddies Podcast Episode 4: Loko

Episode Date: August 14, 2023

In this truly "Loko" 4th episode of the Grass Daddies Podcast the boys start off by sharing some funny stories from their highschool/peewee football careers. Followed by Jake telling his infamous story about the time where he met a girl; with some very unexpected twists along the way. This is definitely one you are not going to want to miss! (If you are only listening for the story it takes place around the 44 minute mark!) Follow us on Social Media! Youtube: grassdaddiespodcast Instagram: @grassdaddiespodcast @kamdenwellmann @jakekillham Tik Tok: @kandenwellmann (yes thats how it's spelled) @jakekillham11

and i go hey i think my life has just changed forever Welcome to the Are You Guys Ever Gonna Talk About Grass podcast. That's Cam, I'm Jake, and we are The Grass Daddies. Episode four, dude. Episode four. Loco. Loco. four loco we got ourselves a couple of four locos here um putting a little theme on the on the beer menu tonight for our fourth episode um shit's about to get loco as they say um

in spanish actually i'm pretty sure spanish loco is L-O-C-O. And this is L-O-K-O. Either way. So I don't know what dialect this comes from or language this comes from. But for those of you that don't know this is um not beer so the beer men's unite or should i say malt liquor menu tonight is for loco and um it's made in tennessee oh makes sense yeah um 13.9 alcohol by volume which means that if you drink one of these, Cole and I did the math one time, we're like, that's like drinking a six pack. Because if you think about it, like a 5% bud heavy, that's 12 ounces.

So 13.9%, let's say you round up to 15%. That's like drinking triple the percentage by volume of a Bud Heavy. And these are 24 ounces, so it's like drinking that times two. So it's kind of like drinking six beers in one can. So I'm kind of delaying these a little bit because these make me goofy. And you look thirsty over there and you want me to stop talking, so... Let's crack these open. And I don't think I've actually had this kind before.

Mama! The sour... The sour cosmic punch warheads flavor. I've never had this before. Do you want to... Thank you. cosmic punch warheads flavor i've never had this before do you want to thank you initial holy these shits is strong these are not for the faint-hearted but did you know that these used

to have caffeine in them yeah we're me and spencer were just talking about that earlier people's hearts were, like, exploding. I was going to say, I wonder if people just actually died drinking these because... Well, that video, there's a video on the internet of a guy shotgunning, like the one you showed me. He shotguns, like, four in a row. Yeah. That was back when they still had caffeine in them.

And Spencer was telling me that they're literally, it's like two cans, like two monster cans. Yeah, because typically like caffeine goes like milligrams per can. So, I mean, I don't. Well, no, like he said, one of these would be like. So essentially you're drinking six beers and two monsters oh my god maybe not quite six bud heavies definitely more than six bush lights because bush lights like 4.2 percent yeah so you're definitely drinking more than that but um yeah whenever i drink these i get goofy and um in the spirit of the fourth episode cam was like let's drink four locos for our fourth episode

and um here we go all right well i just want you guys want to point this out to you the alcohol facts on it serving size five fluid ounces servings per container four and three quarters so the government recommends that you take like a sip wait a couple days take another sip these shits these shits are no joke um so in the spirit of this being a loco episode i wanted to tell cam my most loco story that I can think of. But it's going to take up quite a bit of the episode. So we can kind of go for a little bit here before we get into that. Because in its full glory, which once I get a little more buzzed off this thing,

it might get a little bit longer too. Let's get it so um i was um i was listening to two bears today and um bert was talking about how he has like really crazy dreams and it made me think about because you know how he likes to drink so much. And it made me think about how like whenever I'm like drinking or like pretty drunk, I usually have crazy dreams. And it reminded me of a time when I was in college. I was in a drawing class. And we had to do for like our final project. We had to do like shadow and artist kind of thing.

Or like a research kind of project and i chose um salvador dali um he um he was like really into like i'm trying to remember all the terms like surrealism um and do you know the paintings with like the melting clocks that are like melting off the edge of the table he did all those and a lot of his a lot of his um um pieces he like was inspired by his dreams like he would paint shit that he saw in his dreams and so he has some pretty wild paintings that like only a dream brain could come up with and so i was talking to my um because there was really no frame for how the project was supposed to go he basically was like you can like he was so chill you he was like a total art teacher guy yeah and um i was like well what if i like kept a dream journal and like tried to draw stuff from my dreams just

like him and he's like you don't even have to do that you could just like make a dream journal and have that be your project I was like oh okay and so I like started keeping a dream journal where I would like right when I woke up I'd write down what my dream was and like, just try to tie it into like Salvador Dali's style. And I told him, I was like, I was like, you know, like sometimes when I drink, I have like more vivid, like crazy dreams. And I kind of brought that up to him and he's just like, well, I'm not going to advise you to drink as part of your project. I'm not going to advise you that you should drink in order to, like, make your project more interesting or whatever. And I was like, yeah, that's probably fair. As a professor, you probably shouldn't advise a student that they should drink in order to accomplish a school project. I'm going to go home and drink three, four Locos and report back to me tomorrow.

Oh, man. And the thing about these cans is when you start off drinking them, they're like, you're just trying to gut it. But then the further down the can you get, the easier it gets to drink. It's amazing when you're drinking one of these cans how much to start off. You're like, just trying to swallow it down. It's bad when you only get like a quarter of drink, and you're like, all right, I got, like, a three-beer buzz going. You're like, uh.

I mean, they don't really taste good. I love trying to make Lena taste it, and she's, I think one time we both got a Four Loko for, like, a fire pit. And I drank all mine and she drank maybe half of hers. And she was yonder. Social media manager, you want to try one? We got a no from the social media manager. It tastes like fruity nail polish. It's pretty...

What was the other thing I wanted to say? They're not really that sour i they're just like so the alcohol taste is so um just that malt liquor yeah i don't know they're pretty they're pretty they're pretty gnarly, but I'm going to keep going. I take big gulps, man. I'm a big boy. When I drink something, I don't really... How big of a boy are you? A 12-ounce can of beer goes down so fast for me. It's like when someone's like, you want a koozie?

I'm like, huh? Why do I need a koozie? Keep your drink cold. I'm just like... I take like three gulps and it's gone. I don't need to. Last weekend was fucking wicked. We had our.

I better slow down. We're only nine minutes in and I'm kind of starting to feel buzzed already. We had our fire pit. And then the next day, Spencer and I, we went to Beatrice. Oh, shit, that was the very next day, wasn't it? Yeah, and we were pretty tuned up. We had a full 30 rack of bush light. Yeah, I heard you split a 30 rack. And we were in the car on the ride home.

I'm like, I'm thirsty. He's like, all right, these are our last two. I'm like, I heard you split a 30 rack. And we were in the car on the ride home. I'm like, I'm thirsty. He's like, all right, these are our last two. I'm like, I'm thirsty. But it was like starting to hail and shit. And we all had a piss. So, yeah, there was just the parking lot that just had three dicks in it. In a hailstorm. Three dicks in a hailstorm.

I think that was actually a band. No, I'm just kidding. Okay. The other thing I was thinking about today while I was spraying, and I was thinking about the, whenever, when we went down to Kansas City to help Lena's sister move, first of all, I was like, my eyes were so heavy the whole time, down and back but one of the things i was thinking about

um was like getting a dog and how i'm excited to get a dog you're getting a dog well whenever lena's parents dog has a puppy i'm gonna probably take one oh there you go which i was thinking about and i was thinking about how like i, I wanted to train it, and I wanted it to be, like, really well trained. And, like, not like, I didn't want it to be like a police canine unit dog. Yeah. But I wanted it to be like, like, come to me when I call it, sit, stay, you know, move when I i move not pull super hard and i was thinking about how how funny it would be if our dogs matched our personalities because your dog is kind of crazy you know yeah like your dog listens what he still listens like your your dog is over here

eating whatever he can whatever he can eat whenever he can eat it just going to town on blankets and his food bowl dude and my dog would be over here just like like I can I picture me and my dog sitting next to each other and then we look

over and we see you and Ruger just absolutely doing something crazy and then we both look at each other like, these two motherfuckers right here. Females. You gotta get a female. Why? Females are a lot more relaxed. Typically. Yeah, but the thing about females is they leave more aggressive pee spots in your lawn.

And this is the Grass Daddy's podcast and we do care about our grass around here just gives you something to do like see the dead spots dude so when me and bailey were first like when our lease was about up for our apartment the lady that we were looking at a house from was like yeah i don't care if you guys have pets just when when he pees, you know, make sure you take like a pitcher of water out there and wash it down. Oh, fuck. I'm like, go fuck yourself. I'm not going to go, oh, he's peeing. Like I'm going to take a pitcher of water out with me every time my dog goes piss.

Yeah, no shit. Like, and as we establish, you let him out early, early in the morning. Like the first thing you're gonna do when you roll out of bed is fill up a pitch of water and the whole point of living in their house is so i can just let my dog go out the back door and just run around without me having to fucking lollygag and walk him around did you have anything else you want to talk i'm i'm the story is gonna take so long that it's gonna be a majority episode of me talking and i feel i feel bad because like

even at work when i was listening to our podcast listening to my own podcast while working and laughing at my own jokes like an absolute sociopath. I was like, man, this might as well just be called the Jake Podcast. And also Cam is here. No. I need to just start planning more. Do what I do. I go in the notes in my phone. And when I think about something that I want to talk about in the podcast,

I'm telling you, man, it's aggressive. It's tough. It's a hard pill to swallow. I'm feeling buzzed. We're already 15 minutes in. Holy shit. Dude, an hour goes by. Well, this one might be a little bit longer than an hour because it's loco.

We're going off the rails on this podcast. One thing we say is going off the rails a lot. We say that a lot. Yeah. But go in your notes app when you think of something that you want to talk about. So that you can just remind yourself and not forget. Comprende? Comprende, mi amigo. You were supposed to remind me something but i remember so you don't

have to remind me because you forgot wait i think i know what it is what what were you supposed to remind me dip dip so i talked about in the first episode how much i hate my piece of shit douchebag former principal in high school um and i suppose i won't name drop him this time even though i'm pretty sure i did in the first episode and didn't bleep it but who cares ruin his career yeah fuck yourself um he's listening um in high school i wasn't in high school yet but um there was a kid that had a can of he had a fixation for busting kids with chew which there was only like one kid that ever got busted though but i think he made it his thing where he's like oh i'm gonna bust these kids for chewing tobacco um there's this kid that and this is this is the kind of guy he is this is

gonna be a little insight into what kind of guy he is it was like in a way basketball game i think so they had all their stuff on the bus and it's basketball so it's winter time and they have all their like winter coats and stuff on the bus and i don't know whenever he decided to do this, but he went out on the bus. And he was going through their jackets. And he found a... You can't do that. It's illegal. It's illegal.

I don't think he gives a shit. Because he found a can of Chew. And he was a senior, so he's 18. Teachers can't even look through your bags. Different vibe at a private school, man. This guy made his own rules, I swear to God. Jesus, it's like a Nazi fucking camp. He went through his jacket and found a can of chew, and then he was suspended.

And so you know how in basketball when they're doing the starting lineups, and usually there's one guy at the end, and they do a handshake or something when they're announcing them? Yeah. Whenever it was his turn, he went up there and just went like this, and the guy patted him down and frisked him whenever it was his first game back. Oh. And it's just like, that was pretty ballsy he might have

got in trouble for that too because you know like our principal he would just stand by the student section with his arms folded and if like someone we weren't allowed to jump up and down on the bleachers if someone jumped up if we started jumping up and down he would come over and make us all stop he was such a fucking party pooper. Up on his high horse. Power hungry. We got in trouble in high school. For doing the.

Spirit coaster. Yeah. Because we were being mean. I was like. I mean we were flipping off the other team's student section. But, like, come on. It's a rivalry. It'd be different if I was like, fuck you.

What were you saying that was mean? We were just doing it normal. And, like, one time at the pep rally... Don't do that. Don't do that. Mine might be half gone. That's like three beers. But one time at the pep rally

all the seniors got in trouble because we were picking on the freshmen your own freshmen yeah like it was at like our homecoming prep pep rally and we usually did like events like all week and they canceled them so like our homecoming like to punish you yeah well it wasn't even my senior year this was like my sophomore year that the seniors were bullying the freshmen and yeah so we fucking our whole homecoming week got canceled it was stupid and then nobody showed up to watch the ball game the real story i wanted that was kind of a setup for the real story i wanted to tell because seeing that um like zen disc made me reminded me of this story my friend in my class um there's a little hockey puck shape in his back pocket and um our principal got mail our i don't know if the mics picked that up um our principal saw him i think it was like first thing in the morning maybe he was walking

in like walking to class and he saw that little disc shape in his back pocket and he goes he said his name he's like so and so there's only two kind of things that make that shape but i don't think it's bubble gum and then he just pulls out a thing of mints. And then he just goes, oh, oh, oh, oh. And then he just kept walking to classes like, he's such a fucking douche. Bubble gun. He was like... What bubble gun?

Like bubble tape, I guess, is what he's talking about. As if someone's going to just be like casually walking around. First of all, there's no gum allowed in our school. Oh. And you think a motherfucker's gonna be walking around with just... You guys weren't allowed gum? Just rolling off some of his bubble tape and just sticking it in his mouth? No, we weren't allowed gum.

Jesus, that really was a Nazi fucking... Because we weren't allowed gum because they didn't want to stick it underneath tables and shit. I think that was their main concern. We had a shop teacher, my one friend, I can name him because he's my friend, Ben, or BJ, told me one time he was chewing gum and our shop teacher saw him, um, who was just like a Nazi for gum. Like he walked into a middle school fun night one time, I remember, and I'm going to step back from my mic cause I'm not going to yell into it, but he walked into the gym and he just goes, is that gum in your head?

And I like looked over and he's like walking up the bleachers to a group of people but anyways my friend BJ he said one time he got caught by him our shop teacher with gum in his mouth and he just went like this and he just like spit the gum out into his hand and then he just went like this and then gave it back to him to put back in his mouth and he said he put that gum back in his mouth and it was just like sawdust and shit in there and he's like oh what why would he go spit my hand boy because he was like old like old school style teacher like like he i had him for pre-algebra and i'm it was a room that had like two big whiteboards on one wall, and on this third wall that never got used anymore,

there was a chalkboard, and he used the chalkboard because he was old school like that, and if ever there was someone not paying attention to the back of the class, he would throw chalk at them, and then he'd go, want to play catch?

He was such a savage. I loved him though. The reason why i loved him and teachers like him is because they scared me into getting good grades teachers that were like more lax i would do bad in their class because i was like they're not gonna hound me about getting my assignments in if you didn't show up to his class without an assignment you were gonna get berated in front of everyone and it's embarrassing so you're like i'm gonna make damn sure i get my homework done i had a math teacher i transferred out of her class quick like as fast as i could because she would hound us about our assignments she wouldn't teach a shit she would just go here's your

assignment for today and then we'd have to figure it out and do it and then she would be late on our fucking assignments and my mom's like you didn't turn in your assignment and i was like i like it would go in as missing yeah because she wouldn't get to him and she just put him in as missing oh and i one time went to my principal and i'm like i am fucking transferring out of her class my exact words and she's like well why and i'm like i'm getting bad grades because she's not turning them in and she's shafting me so if we had late assignments we had like a grace period so you could go if they were like this many days late they would just it would just keep docking points so like i had a couple assignments that i got like 100 on and

they ended up being like 82s i'm like fuck you i worked hard for this but you turned it in on time yeah but she just was lazy on grading it so then you got shafted yeah and she had two baskets and she did like taught like four classes so we just all had our assignments in the same fucking baskets and yeah anyways my other teacher that was really strict was also my football coach and there was one day i showed up to class and me and another kid um didn't do our homework and he called us out into the hallway he stopped class brought us out into the hallway and like gave us the runaround and was just like, not the run around. I don't know what I'm saying. The run down. The riot act.

He read us the riot act. And then he said, come see me after practice. I'm going to gut you like fish on a hook. Those were his words. This was the first period. So the entire day, we're freaking the fuck out. And we're like, oh my God. Practice is going to suck. And we're like, oh my god. Practice is gonna suck.

And then, whole day goes by. Dreading it, dreading it. Practice rolls around. Normally practice sucks anyways, but we're worried about after practice. Because we're like, as soon as we get through this hard shit, we got even crazier shit coming. We walk up to him after practice. And he just goes, start chopping. chopping like to do up downs and we did like 10 up downs and he's like all right you're done we're like what that's it like it was only 10 up downs and i think that motherfucker just tried to

psychologically torture us probably the whole day as our punishment versus an actual physical punishment probably which was way worse or maybe i just had my adrenaline going so hard that whole time because i was so worried but it seemed like the updowns we had to do was nothing it was like 10 we probably did more than that during practice just for messing up on a drill. Dude, if I had to do 10 up-downs right now, we might have to call the ambulance. I think I'd break my shoulder. I'd probably throw up four loco first.

I'd be spewing it out. A new video. I'm like sweating. I'm like kind of hot in here. We're in the basement and it's air-conditioned. I'm getting a deep sigh. I'm kind sweating. I'm like kind of hot in here. We're in the basement and it's air conditioned. I'm getting a deep thought. I'm kind of hot. Starting to get the chuckle fucks a little bit. Oh, shit.

So what was your favorite drill? Because mine was the Oklahoma drill. My favorite drill? I feel like that's basic as fuck though. Oklahoma drill. So you loved hitting people? Yeah, until I got my really bad concussion. I feel like I got...

I kind of got put off on hitting people because I was a quarterback. And so I kind of had it instilled in my brain to, like, not get hit and not get hurt. So I didn't necessarily shy away from contact. Also, it didn't help that like because we had such a small school and like my sophomore year i was starting at quarterback i mean think about you're a sophomore you're 15 16 and there's guys that are 18 that are seniors on the other team yeah so it's pretty intimidating so i was like you know i was a little bit more skittish in terms of getting hit i didn't really love contact but i mean i didn't like shy away when it came down to it yeah well i got my really bad concussion

and i kind of because i was fucking i had a concussion for three, four months. I could not pass my test. And so then that's, and that was just like when I just started getting like aggressive. But yeah, my favorite thing was just hitting them, trying to hit people so hard that they just fly out into the finals. Dude. So you had the intentions of hurting people. And there's people like that. I had a kid, that kid that passed away in that plane crash. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You kind of remind me of him in a sense. He was a quarterback, but he, if he was running the ball and someone was in front of him, he put his head down. Yeah. And I'm just like, it got to the point where like, because he was a freshman when I was a senior where like because he was a freshman when i was a senior i think he was a freshman when i was a senior it got to the point where i was like dude you're gonna hurt someone or yourself and you're our quarterback so you need to chill because there was like we have every spring we have like a it's called the booster bash and it's like a little like spring game you know like how the huskers do their spring game so kind of like a gatorade scrimmage soap scrimmage sure type thing

sure that's what we had i'm sure every school has their own name for it i think it was like during that and it's not like we have all offense and all defense you know it's a small school so you play both sides yeah and so it was just kind of split down the middle and like there was a play where he just railed a kid and i'm just like dude you're gonna hurt one of our guys and you're gonna probably give yourself a neck injury because he was really tall and lanky but man he ran hard i gotta give him credit he ran hard dude my fucking coaches would get so pissed so i played wellman i played wide receiver and backup quarterback and there was one play where for some reason my running back went the

wrong direction i've had one of those we're supposed to hand off left and i and he just ran right and i was like all right fuck it and for some reason i just got open field there's like they're strong they're fucking free safeties like all the way out there in the middle of nowhere and he's just like this little tyke and he's just like already broke all the way down his fucking heads down all i had to do was just like step one way step the other run past him i was gone like he probably had his eyes closed dude i just fucking lowered my shoulder and helped drop the hammer fucking floored in i get back to the bench my coach was like what the fuck are you doing you could score a touchdown you're like i wanted to hit him, coach.

Oh, it was so bad. That exact same thing happened to me, except I was the one that got nailed. I'll tell that story real quick, and then we'll probably get into this story. I got one more quick 30-second story after this one. Okay. So, we ran, like, a jet sweep style offense. Like, kind of like Wishbone. Like, motion, like, speed pitch kind of lead blocker type shit. And out of that formation, we would have, like, kind of like, so it would be, like, two tight ends and then a running back in the back kind of usually or it'd be like a wing back on one side and a tight end on the other anyways so there was a play it was called a goof um because there was jet there was a get

and there was a goof um so a jet was just like motion handoff, you know, lead block outside. They kind of fucked you over with a jet and get. I feel like in the fucking... The get was like you fake the handoff and hand it to the running back who goes up the middle. And then there was like a QB get where it's like you fake that and then you run up the middle. But basically they would have blocking schemes designed to accommodate for the fake play so there's a goof where um let's say i was lined up and everything's going to the right so i would take the i would get the snap i would turn like spin basically fake the pitch and then i would turn and on my right side

the tight end on the back side would come and take the hand off and run up the middle like between the center and guard so i would i would spin around basically then tight end would come here and then like this yeah basically i would i would basically take the hand off fake the pitch right hand it off up the middle okay um and that was the play and that was and and the really fucked up thing is that we called this play after a timeout so we had a playbook where the receivers would rotate in every play and they would tell us the number and i'd read it off on my playbook um 287 53 rwag jet 9 goof on one-on-one type shit um but it was after a timeout it was it was in a timeout so we were standing in the sideline and our coach was standing in the middle of our huddle and read it off from his own mouth from his own clipboard to everyone so there could be no

mistaken so we run out there set go turn fake the pitch turn around nobody's there i look up and i see our tight end that's supposed to be receiving the ball from me right now just standing on the line blocking like this I'm like so then I just take off running what I should have done was just run right through the hole that he was supposed to run through because the blocking scheme was designed for that but what my dumb ass decided to do was just run around the end of the line outside to the left where there's nobody and like I said i was a quarterback so i was kind of afraid of contact so i was like oh shit i'm in the open field right now with no blockers and everyone sees me just running the ball like a fucking deer that's running for his fucking life through the

wilderness and so i start kind of giving myself up and going down and the fucking safety comes fucking running downhill and just spears me in the side of the helmet and i had a streak that we were playing against raymond central where lena went to high school you motherfucker um love you baby um she i'm not she i'm a little buzzed i'm sorry that mother there was a streak of yellow because they had yellow face masks on the right side of I'm a little buzzed. I'm sorry. There was a streak of yellow because they had yellow face masks on the right side of my helmet from like here all the way to the back. And I got up and the back of my head felt like it was burning. Oh, I think you told me about this.

And I don't. I had never had a concussion to this point, so I didn't know what I was experiencing. I just got up. I was kind of wobbling. Maybe I was. I wasn't really. i just got up i was kind of wobbling maybe i was i wasn't really got your bell room yeah um and one of my coaches was like just grabbed me he's like dick he like grabbed me and pulled me in and they sent in the backup and then i sat down and i'm like i sat out the rest of the game obviously and i was like can i get an ice pack for my head and everyone was like that's not how concussions work i'm like, I sat out the rest of the game, obviously. And I was like, can I get an ice pack for my head? And everyone was like, that's not how concussions work. I'm like, the back of my head feels like it's on fire.

The back left side of my head felt like it was on fire. They treated it like concussion protocol. But I think what happened was I had to have pulled a nerve in my neck. Yeah. That just like went up the whole back left side of my head it felt like there was a web of just like tingly fire on the back left side of my head because i got hit from the right and i think my head just went and some of my friends on the sideline were just like that hit was nasty like i watched that hit

happen and he fucking went helmet to helmet with you. And your head went. And the sound it made was disgusting. I'm just like, yeah, it fucking hurt. Good. I got one thing to add to my notes now. Oh, and one of my coaches came by. And was just like, how are you doing?

And he was like patting me on the head towards the end of the game. And I'm like, ow. Ow. You're hurting me. I was just like, I think i literally was just like my head hurts and he was just like no i'm doing nice touches i'm just like you're hitting me on the head after i just had a head injury next episode remind me actually i'll write it down after this i'll write it down after this. I'll write it down after this. All my concussions. Because, boys, there's some doozies.

That's one of my topics I wanted to talk about was sports injuries and stuff. Because I got a lot. My 30-second talk. We used to have a coach. So, this was like, called it sunday league football but it's kind of like peewee but not like we're like middle school it's like traveling middle school football and our coach boy did he love contact dude he loved hitting oh fuck we get right there at practice and so a way that he made sure everybody was either early or on time was once we showed up with our pads on so we practice on a what do i got so i was just itching my nose are you all right um what what all lackadaisical over there so we couldn't practice on the high

school football because this is when we were in elwood and we would go so we practiced on a full size baseball field so right once we showed up pads everything we slipped everything on and he would make us run from foul post to foul post. Foul post and foul post until everybody got there. Oh. And then we had. So then once everybody got there, we had six more. Foul post, foul post. So they would just fucking wear us down.

So there was a guaranteed six. Yeah. For everybody. But until everyone got there, you were running. Yeah. That doesn't really make sense because that almost encourages you to be late no because then you're like it encourages everybody to be early because we had to well but if you're late then you don't have to be running the extra ones until like if you're the last one there you can guarantee yourself only six yeah but this is how he weeded that out. Because right after we did our six, well, after we did all of our fucking foul post to foul post, instantly right to Oklahoma drill.

So you're exhausted and then you're just smacking each other. Yeah, we're just fucking laying each other out. So, but we would get to call out whoever we wanted. Oh. So then. And the kids, we had one practice that a kid showed up 45 minutes late. Did everybody just call him one after the other? Dude, the whole entire team called him.

And this kid went home. He just gets done getting fucking laid out, and then he gets back up, pulls the grass out of his face mask, and they're just like, Johnson, you're in again. Dude, and there was one time, so our defensive coach,

I was on defense, and the kid had the football, and he was like a slow lineman. And I told the coach, I'm like, I'm going early. I'm going early. Like, I'm going before the whistle. Oh, fuck.

He's probably just like, fuck, yeah. And our coach goes, huh? And this kid stands up and just turned. Right once he turned around, I just fucking leveled him. Dude, just fucking lord his shit. All right. That is a good workaround to that but so that's so fun let me finish the story when you were like i told my or you were just like our coach i thought you were gonna say like our coach i looked over and he was fully padded up and he's like i want to take a shot at this little twerp. Dude, his mom wrote complaints to our coach after that practice.

And then they're just like, make sure he gets there on time. But so we'd do Oklahoma drill, and then we'd push sled. Was there ever any like, let's work on our offense and defensive schemes? Our first hour of practice was just fucking hustle, hustle, hustle, beat you down. And then we'd work on our plays. Because you're going to do it when you're tired. He doesn't want us to make mistakes when we're tired. Yeah, that's actually really smart.

And then last hour, last not hour, but 15 minutes of practice was Oklahoma drill again. And then. This coach just likes watching kids hit each other. And then we would play a game where we'd run to the foul post and back. And whoever got back first would get to go down field and fucking smoke somebody. As the reward? Yeah. That's a good way to instill hitting people as a good thing.

Yeah. Because I feel like a lot of kids at our school just weren't very aggressive. But there became a time where it became the point that everybody on the team has gotten fucking floored on that last fucking deal. Which I think you need. Because it'll take some of the anxiety and suspense out of getting hit in on the field if you get hit like a lot of people say when they're getting into a game they're like i'm really nervous until i get tackled they're like once i get that first hit out of the way then i'm good to go because it's the anticipation leading up to the game that is

really what wrecks people and then the first play happens and they hit someone or they get hit they feel that contact and they're like okay i'm ready to go well and a thing that we had really bad was our linemen anytime we ran they had that lineman like they would just jog because they know they're just on the line and so our coach was like well our wide receivers are running backs and our fucking defensive backs are gonna haul ass down and back and it took like two times for our linemen just to get fucking floored and once they started once they started to hustle like the wide receivers the quarterbacks running backs and all those that were faster we're like all right still position yeah let's just let them go.

We'd act like we're going to fucking smoke them, but we wouldn't. Because you kind of felt bad? Well, but it would help them hustle. Yeah, so we would just fucking beat the shit out of each other in fucking peewee football, dude. We went undefeated for like five years in a row, all the way through middle school, all the way through peewee football, dude. We went undefeated for like five years in a row. All the way through middle school, all the way through peewee.

It was insane. Obviously, you were doing something right then. Dude, if this story is long, bro, you got to get going. All right. All right. I'll start the story. Okay. You guys are going to get a long episode.

My can's almost gone. It's not an hour-long story. are you guzzing your can this shit tastes like gasoline oh that was terrible for loco i just hit Down. The pop screen or whatever it's called. And my breath just hit it and just went zing. Just rebounded right back into you. Zing. Yours is gone.

You've got like one drink left. Finish it and I'll tell the story. All right. Yep. You've got it. Yep. You drank drank that all two four locos down the most loco story ever fasten your seat belts bailey you're gonna want to listen to this too unless you want to listen back later all right i've told this story a lot of times to a lot of people and they're like that's the most fucking crazy story I've ever heard in my life. So.

It's brewing. As we've established on this show um well I guess that's not really that related. But I used to be kind of a man slut. Yeah? Hey! Keep the laughter down over there. there hey i'm gonna go ahead and push my mic away so you don't have to do as much editing okay well no actually if you push it

closer to me it's gonna pick up more on here or on there okay and you can interject throughout like yeah okay so this was back in high school um i was driving at the time i think it was like my junior or senior year um let's call it my senior year. So what we did establish was that I wasn't super, I wasn't a heavy drinker, right? Yeah. I didn't really start drinking until college, until life had broken me down enough to the point where I'm like, I need alcohol to handle my problems. I'm becoming an alcoholic. I'm just kidding. So, before then, I was kind of a wholesome, little bit more docile kid.

Okay. Were you the type of kid, because I know we had this kid in our friend group, that all of us would get fucked up and this one kid like wasn't like against drinking but he also wasn't for it like it just it wasn't his thing smoking weed drinking wasn't his thing so we would go to parties and he's like yeah fuck yeah i'll come with you guys i was kind of like that home i was i was that guy i was kind of that guy because okay because in high school um and like this is how this all started was with trace he before lincoln Lutheran, he went to Roper. It's a public elementary school. Kind of by where he lives, or where his parents live.

Live. I'm sorry, I'm a little buzzed here. I'm a little bit, how you going? We need another four locos. No. We need real locos. No, this story's going to take forever. Okay, I need to focus in.

Okay. I need to lock it in. So it was not uncommon for whenever I went over to hang out with Trace that I would meet a lot of new people and new faces because he knew a lot of people from public schools, the public high schools around, that I had no idea who they were. And at first, my closed off, kind of shy self was like a little bit nervous to this. But then I kind of learned to embrace it. And I ended up kind of enjoying seeing new people because it was always wild. It was always an adventure.

And especially since he was into smoking weed, it wasn't uncommon for us to go to some random place that I had no idea where the fuck we were. Where he'd get some bud so he could smoke it. And I was always just kind of along for the ride. Well, I should say drive because I was usually the one driving. As we just said. So, there was this one night where we went to this house party and everyone it was there was quite a few people there and still in high school right yeah this this is what this is the story okay i was a senior in high school um this was before i was dating any of my like serious exes that i've had

um we're at this house party and there's quite a few people there and i go into this side room where it's a little bit more calm i don't know if you've ever been in just like kind of like a kind of like a frat house not really a frat house but just like. I don't know if you've ever been in it. Just like kind of like a kind of like a frat house. Not really a frat house, but just like, dude, I don't know what. Where are these people's parents at? Like, what are these houses where there's just a bunch of high schoolers where they're going crazy? And it's like there's no one there. It was like a trap house. We had houses like that.

It was like a trap house where it's dark and there's fucking lights and there's loud music and all that shit. Typically, the ones I've been to, parents don't really care. But one I went to, his parents were just sleeping. And there was like 30 teenage kids in their fucking house. See, I don't know. Anyways, it was like that. That was the setting. Dark, lights, you know, maybe a fog machine.

No, I'm just kidding. it wasn't like a rock concert um loud music people going crazy but like you know the timid me was like i'm not really here for all this wild party shit like i'm not drinking i'm not drunk i'm not here to smoke i'm not here to get anything except to just kind of hang out And leave when Trace wants to leave Cause I'm just along for the ride But you know Maybe meet a girl here or there

Talk to some people I'm not just a complete stick I'm here to have some fun too I like a school like yours though It was like Elwood Like when we were there You had this many girls in your grade so like that was

like the only girls that i knew but then once like i started like branch out and like meet friends like different towns yeah i kind of like made it a thing where i think i decided to myself and i like kind of told my inner circle of friends at my high school that like if, if you want to date someone, you've got to go outside of this high school because the girls here ain't cutting it. Well, in drama, dude. You've got to get outside of this situation if you want to actually find someone. Well, and I feel like internally you're, like – And that's –

You set, like – if you're dating within your school and especially at a small school it's like you set like a fucking like minimum like yeah there's like a there's like a minimum bar of just and you don't find out attainable attainable women yeah oh yeah all right go ahead sorry so that's kind of where i was at i'm at this party and i'm you know i go to the side room and it seems a little bit more calm the music isn't as loud in here it seems like the people in here a little bit more chill i sit down on this couch um next to this girl and i i didn't sit down like right next to her no no no i didn't sit down right next to her um i sat down across from her and you know this came to that and i kind of

started striking up a conversation with her well i don't know why you're drinking when you finish your beer finish your malt liquor i started having a conversation with her and she was really nice really chill she's sitting on one side of the couch i'm sitting on the other side of the couch she's a freaking machine we didn't scoot closer we just it was all it was all like a chill it was all hunky dory i got her snapchat and that was that and trace eventually you know he got his fix in or he got whatever he came there for made him sound like a crack addict replay that he got whatever he came for and badabouski we were out of there so i i drove home, me and this girl, um, her name was Taylor, uh, maybe I shouldn't, eh, whatever, I didn't say the last name, um, so me and Taylor were chatting on Snapchat,

you know, she seemed really chill, she was really cute, we kind of hit it off, you know, and this came to that, and we decided, like, to go out on a date. And me being a man slut, my idea was a date was, come over and let's watch Netflix. Wait, but I'm sorry. Not with this girl. I met her in person. I have to interject.

So in high school, like, was it your senior year where you kind of started to, like, broaden your horizons? Because just how much I know you. Have sex? Yeah. Like. Yeah. Just how much I know you. Yeah.

A lot of it hit in college, right? Oh, yeah. It was the wild west out there i was taming philly's left and right wild east in nebraska but i was i was breaking horses left and right okay but so high school you were pretty tame i didn't lose my virginity until my junior year okay okay that i wasn't having a lot i was just trying to get a feel for like the background Pretty tame. I didn't lose my virginity until my junior year. Okay. Okay. I wasn't having a lot of sex. I was just trying to get a feel for, like, the background of this. Here's the deal.

Like, I didn't know where it started. Here's the deal. I wasn't having a lot of sex, but I wanted it. As any guy of that age would. Uh, yeah. So, me and this girl hit it off, and she's like, we should go out on a date. And I'm just like, yeah. You're really nice. You're cute. We kind of hit it off and she's like we should go out on a date and i'm just like yeah you're really nice you're cute we kind of hit it off there on the couch there you know i liked

it was it was it was organic i mean we had a like a real conversation it wasn't like a girl i met on tinder or some bullshit it was like i met a girl face to face this is how it's supposed to be yeah you meet someone in person you exchange numbers or snapchats you go out on a date this is when shit gets fucking wild so we set up a date we were gonna go see a movie right what movie i think i just kissed the fucking pop it was like a it was like one of the marvel movies i don't know there's a million of them i can't even really remember if it was like it was either like a captain america or maybe an iron man i don't know because those guys are always in each other's movies i don't really remember

which movie it was because as you'll find out that's not what i was focused that much on okay i'm catching the scene we decide to go to a movie. Um, she sends me her address. I look up her address and I'm just like, that's not really in Lincoln. No one, I wonder where she's from. It was like kind of outside of Lincoln.

I'm like, where is this? So I drove the old Taurus, drove the old Taurus down to the... And I keep following, you know, where Siri's taking me. And I pull up to this gate. On this road, outside of Lincoln. And I'm like, is this right?

I was like, is this right? I go up to the gate and I'm like, well, the gate's shut and locked what and as i'm thinking this a little voice comes over the speaker and it's just like hello what are you doing like you know kind of shit just like yeah state your reason for being kind of shit i'm just like uh i'm jake uh I'm Jake. I'm here to pick up Taylor. The fucking buzzer gate opens. I'm like, what is happening? I start driving up. I drive up this long driveway. I pull up to this huge house.

Gigantic house. Just immaculate. And you're like, I want to fucking that thing crazy driveway fucking stairs ramps going up the side up to the front door i'm just like what what is this i'm like she didn't i mean we were in fucking some we were in some trap house what was she doing there because i'm thinking she's the president's daughter. I go up to the front door. Knock, knock, knock.

I'm waiting. I'm kind of looking on my phone. Door opens. Butler. Bullshit. An actual, legit butler. He looks at me. And he's just like, you must be Jake.

And I'm just like, yep, I'm here to pick up Taylor. And he's just like, come on in, kind of thing. He invites me in. There's this huge entryway with these just like, this like giant spiral staircase, chandelier, all this shit. And I'm just like, I didn't even know this kind of shit was in Nebraska. I didn't know these houses were even made here. Bitch, you didn't tell me you were a fucking millionaire. Hey, I'm thinking I got it rich.

I'm just like... I'm just like patting myself on the back like, you chose a good one, Jake. This was supposed to happen for a reason. This is your first date, buddy. I'm like, God introduced you to this girl for a reason. Let's see where this goes. I'm just kind of waiting in the entryway because the butler's like wait here

and he like kind of walks off and I'm kind of sitting there awkwardly just like there's nobody there and I'm in this big empty fucking huge mansion and then he comes walking back and he's like her father would like to have a word with you and I'm like oh her father would like to have a word with you. And I'm like, oh, shit.

This is like some shit out of a movie. I'm like, this, I know. I'm like, this is not what I thought I was signing up for. And I walk in. I follow the butler, walk into his study, and just like a movie, he fucking swivels around in his chair, and he goes, Jake, have a seat and i sit down i sit down and he goes so i hear you want to take my taylor out on a date and i'm just like yep and i kind of just like i wanted to set his mind at ease because obviously this guy is just like

if this goes south like he's gonna have someone put a hit on me like i'm this motherfucker's a millionaire yeah like i'm realizing the situation i'm in and i'm trying to be as respectful and like responsible adult as possible i'm just like yep um uh we're we're going to see a movie because i wasn't going to be like yeah we're just going to fucking we're going to shack yeah back from a ford tour yeah i was like we're going to see a movie and he's like what movie like he's interrogating me at this point like making sure i'm not like lying or anything i'm like oh we're going and it was so cringe for me to say because it was like a marvel movie so it's like a superhero movie so i'm just like oh we're going to see like captain america civil war like and he's just like

oh okay well make sure you have her back by 11 or 10 or whatever the fuck it was 10 10 sure 11 fucking she had a late tea time well i think it was like an like i think it was like a seven or eight o'clock movie and he was giving me some time you know because it was way out there okay he was i mean it was a reasonable curfew okay and i'm like like yes sir like yep i'll have her back on time like trying to set his mind at ease to set my mind at ease. To set my mind at ease. Because you know you're a buyer just like this. And I... Hey, yo.

And I get up and I shake his hand. And he's just like... He's staring at me. Just mean mugging me. You're like, just because you got money doesn't mean you have a big dick. Yeah, that's exactly what I said. Okay. And so he kind of gestures me like you're

free to leave now and i like get up and stand up and the butler's like waiting for me by the door i'm like this is insane um and he leads me back into the entryway and he's like taylor will be ready soon i'm just like cool and i'm kind of sitting there like, I'm trying to have a little confidence, a little swag. You're like, I'm not going to let this fucking millionaire fucking mobster intimidate me. You're like, and I'm like, I'm like, you know what? This is a movie and I'm going to let it be a movie. You know, what if I marry a fucking millionaire's daughter and I can retire early? And so I'm standing there by the door and I'm like looking up

at the top of the stairs waiting for her to like come down and pretty soon out of my peripheral vision I see movement and I look down I see her come wheeling out in a wheelchair and I go hey I think my life has just changed forever I think that my life has just changed forever And I just got a blessing from God above And out comes this girl in a wheelchair

And I'm like what? me she's a vegetable like in my mind my life flashes before my eyes at this point and the first thing i think is how the fuck did i miss that and then i start replaying the events of when i met her and i'm like oh my god, we were sitting on a couch the whole time. I'm like, it was a dark room, she probably had her chair folded up in the corner or some shit.

How did I miss that? Get your mic together. I'm just in shambles. So I'm standing there in the doorway. Trying to act like I'm not freaking the fuck out. Because I'm like, not only do I have Mob Daddy Boss over here. Threatening to kill me if I don't treat this girl right but now everything

that I thought I knew about her is upside down so her butler comes wheeling her over and just kind of passes her off to me I've never even pushed anyone in a wheelchair before let alone someone I'm about to take on a date so I'm about to take on a date.

So I'm like, I'm kind of shell-shocked at this point. So I just take the reins and the moment I walk out the front door, it hits me. That's what those fucking ramps are for. Because as I'm rolling up, I'm like, oh, man, they got stairs and ramps leading up. Like, they want to make it easy on themselves.

Like, if they want to walk up the ramp to make it easier on themselves, or, like, maybe someone's catering in, like, kegs or something. They got to wheel them up the ramps or something. None of this dawned on me but when i saw that fucking chair i'm like uh now i don't want to sound like the most shallow person on the face of the planet even though i probably am but the whole time i'm worried about myself which is so fucked up and i'm sorry anyone that's in a wheelchair yeah we're not shitting on you we're not shitting on you i'm shitting on myself because i mean it's a funny story and i'm a shitty person and that's that it's morbid humor it's funny it's it's morbid

humor you don't like it a I wheel her out the door. Down the ramp we go. Our first dilemma when we get to my car. I don't drive a wheelchair accessible van. What the fuck do we do now? I toss all my pride out the window and I go, So, what do we do? You know, I'm not going to just like ignore the fact that she's in a wheelchair because she is

yeah and i'm just driving a car so she's like you can just pick me up and put me in the car so i'm like okay so i just pick her up out of the chair set her in the front seat fold her chair up and throw it in the trunk i'm like off we go i'm like you know what jake you are a fucking asshole stop feeling sorry for yourself this is a cute nice girl just go enjoy your evening and don't think about the fact that she's handicapped i I mean, come on. Are you really that kind of person? So we get to the movie theater, you know, same thing. We pull into the parking garage. Now it's the reverse of that process. I have to get the chair out and get her out of the, you know, help her into the chair. I'm pushing her along and I'm trying to block out the shallow thoughts of like,

what are people thinking about me pushing this wheelchair down? Do they think that, you know, this is some hospice situation or I'm like a helping hands, like older brother program, like pushing this girl in the wheelchair. I'm trying to ignore all that. And I'm just like,

you know what? Just own the situation. You're pushing your date. Down the sidewalk. And you're going to go see Captain America. Fuck yeah, baby. Now, we get into the movie theater, and I'm like, oh my god, we're going to get wheelchair seating.

I'm going to have all the leg room in the world. Fuck yeah. Maybe this isn't such a bad thing. Do our hands still work? And to be honest, grew in the world. Fuck yeah. Maybe this isn't such a bad thing. Do her hands still work? And to be honest, and to be honest, the night's not going horrible.

You know, once I threw all my pride out the window and I just, I was like, you know what? This might as well happen. I might as well just go on a date

with a girl in a wheelchair. I have all the leg room in the world. We enjoy that movie. But in the back of my mind, I'm looking at my phone, because I'm still worried about her dad. I'm like, regardless of what this situation is, I'm worried about your dad. Because now not only are you his cute daughter,

you're also his cute daughter in a wheelchair that just ramps up the protection level by at least 10 notches because if you fuck with my daughter who's also handicapped you are going to die so i'm looking at my phone every five seconds he's also got to be a little more overprotective because it's not like she can like i'm not trying to be a dick but she can't really protect herself like she can't fucking run away that's definitely something she can't do is run away to be to be honest i did look at her forearms and they were kind of strong um so i'm sorry i'm sorry that is one thing that hurt that is one thing that crossed my mind i'm just like oh my god i have a jack off the rail this episode i'm ready to fucking puke i'm laughing so hard okay the movie ends i'm looking at my phone i'm like this is gonna be kind of tight

i don't know. I think we'll be all right. I think we got plenty of time. We skip the credits. We get out of there quicker than I thought we would. We get back to the car. You're like, God damn it. Come on, bitch.

I'm like, let's go Hot Wheels. So I wheel her back to my car. Get her back in. And I'm like, okay, we're making good time. We've got plenty of time. Let's just, you know, get this night over with. I'll ghost you and everything will be hunky-dory. I'm like okay we're making good time we've got plenty of time let's just you know get this night over with I'll ghost you and everything will be hunky-dory I'm just kidding that's not what's crossed my mind maybe it was um so I'm looking at my phone I've got like a good hour I'm like we're good we're good start making my way back to her house start making my way back to her house

we're getting close and i'm about to like make a turn to like head down a road towards her house it was kind of like a you go you keep you can keep going straight it's like a t intersection you turn right to go to her house you know there's a couple more turns you turn right that's the way to get to her house she's just like hey we don't have to be home yet i'm like you're like i'm like huh you hit her with that ultimate riz she's like can i show you this creek by my house or the pond by my house i'm just like i don't know like your dad was kind of serious about your curfew and she's just like oh he's fine like there's plenty of time like we don't have to be home for another 40 minutes i'm just like i it's tough to say no to someone like that you know what i mean it's like you have a crisis of conscience where it's like if they want something you feel obliged to do whatever they want you're gonna be fucked if you

say no you're gonna be fucked up because you like i don't want to get your fucking home because you're in a wheelchair but then also you know you might get so so she's like let's go to this pump on my house and i was like okay so we continue straight she kind of directs me where to go because it's not on siri it's just like a spot that she knows we pull up and she we pull up and i'm like oh here we are i'm like yeah it looks looks pretty she's like let's lay on the hood of your car. I'm like, again, we run into this issue where I'm like, well, I have to move you there. Bitch, you can't walk. But again, I want to oblige her because I feel bad.

Maybe I shouldn't feel bad, but I did. I'm sorry. I did feel bad. So she's like, let's lay on the hood of your car so i get out of my car get her out of my car lay her on the hood of my torus which they have a big hood because it's a v6 sticking out and she's, let's lie on the hood of your car and look at the stars. I'm like, that sounds lovely.

So I lay on the hood of my car next to her. And I'm just like, yeah, this is pretty. I need to get home. Your dad's going to kill me. Your dad's going to kill me. I'm looking at my phone. It's like, we have 20 minutes left. it's like, we have 30, 20 minutes left.

I'm like... And as I'm thinking this, I'm looking at the stars, I'm like, oh, that's a big dipper, holy shit, yeah, this is really pretty. I feel her hand on my leg. I feel her hand on my leg. I'm like, no. I'm like, I would literally never say no in this situation but in this situation alarm bells are going off in my head and i'm like no not now not you i'm like not now not you not when you have a dad that's going to kill me. I don't think I can do this.

Her hand starts moving further up my thigh. I'm like, no, no, no. She's like, fire truck. I'm like, stoplight, stoplight, stoplight. So, we are now met with a decision. Do you A. Grab her hand and be like, no, no, no.

No, it's okay. We just met. I want to take it slow. You know, you could easily pull that card. I want to take it slow. Your dad might chop my head off with a machete and post it on YouTube. Give you a pair of them concrete Nike and float you in the Hudson.

Or B. Do this number. And you know, if your legs don't work maybe your hands work extra good. So what do I do? I go with letter B

Okay So The big I'm looking up in the sky I'm looking up in the sky And I'm about ready to fill that big dipper we take care of that business i look at my phone 15 minutes to curfew i'm like all right here we go we need to go i'm like post nut clarity hits i'm like let's go i toss her i toss her back into the car.

I get myself back into the car. I'm peeling out of there. There's smoke flying. There's gravel flying everywhere. I'm looking at my phone. I'm looking at the dashboard. 10 minutes to curfew. Five minutes to curfew.

We finally get back up to the house. I pull in, you know, the gate. She gives me the code because I'm in you know the gate she gives me the code because i'm with her now she just gives me the code we fly up there it's like four minutes to like we i mean it was on the button she's like i've done this a time or two i snag her out of the car toss her in that chair and i'm sprinting up the ramp and she's just saying i had a wonderful time i'm like let's go let's go let's go i get up to the door fucking joffrey opens the door just like ah you've got her back just on time kind of thing i'm just like yep we had a wonderful time see you joffrey and i turn around to leave she's like her father would like another word with you and i'm just like ah for some reason i'm just like he can't oh he can't know he's like did my daughter walk back into the study

same thing as before i sit down i'm he's just like thank you for getting your home on time i'm just like okay maybe this is just like a debriefing just like thank you for getting your home on time maybe he was going to acknowledge the fact that like again this is me being super shallow and maybe i'm like full of myself maybe he's going to be like you know not a lot of guys take my tailor out and i commend you for being the guy that takes her out you know i really respect you for that and thank you how did you hold it together in these moments i would have fucking he's just like he you know he's just like you got her home on time thank you how was the movie we were kind of bullshitting a little bit

and that kind of set my mind at ease. I was, my defenses were up and then my defenses were down because I thought I was just talking to a dad. You know, at that point I didn't feel like I was talking to a mob boss. I thought I was talking to a dad. Yeah. And he shakes my hand again and I'm walking out the door. Right as I grabbed the doorknob he goes oh just one more thing and i just turn around i'm like yes sir and he goes did she take you to the creek

my fucking stomach was in my fucking ass does he know i'm like dude this is making me feel sick and i'm not even living this moment right now i was like what i was just like i'm like does he have fucking cameras out there i'm like there's no fucking way and he can tell i'm trying to put on a facade. I'm like, what? He's like, did she take you to the creek? Or pond or whatever the fuck. Did she take you to the pond? And I'm just kind of like, you know, I'm like, I don't know what to say. I'm so scared.

At this point, you're just like fucking shell shocked. He goes, did she pull on or no he goes she takes all the guys to the creek i'm like am i about to be murdered i'm like what's happening and he goes does she pull on your leg i'm like but she i didn't and he goes did she pull on your leg my third leg because i'm pulling yours what that didn't happen. None of that happened. You fucking dickhead. None of that happened. That's a made up story. I loved all that story. You laughed so hard when I said she came out in a wheelchair.

You were crying. You were crying. Legion Baseball. Someone told me that story. And I had the exact same reaction as you. I was sitting on the bench. It was a doubleheader between games. He told that story, and I'm like,

the same thing as you. I was utterly captivated. It's the most captivating story ever. There's no higher stakes than getting a handjob from a girl in a wheelchair. There's really not. And he was like, yeah, I heard that story from someone, and I'm like, oh my that story from someone and i'm like oh my god i love whatever this is it's a crazy ass make-believe story that you can just continue on the line i've told it to

family and friends i've told it to my cousins one of my cousins said he told that story you're a fucking dick i know i'm sorry oh my fucking god I'm so good though dude that's usually the reaction I get is people people pissed people are pissed off because okay but like I told this my baseball team at Wahoo

and they gave that same reaction but I was hyping it up for so long and even my coaches were just like what's this I hear about a wheelchair story? I'm just like, just you wait, bucko. Oh my fucking God, dude. Holy shit. Dude.

Hey, regardless of if it's fake or not, that's such a good story. Dude. And now. I want you guys to know. All of you out there, if you're listening to this episode now you can use the story tell the story as if it's your own use it in the first person you too go back to your friends and family tell that story you can add your own shit there's only one problem I've been dating the same girl for well four years now and and I've run into that kind of issue before too

where I've had like stuff and people that know, too, where I've had, like, ex-girlfriends and stuff. And people that know me from high school, I have to be like, yeah, this was before I dated so-and-so. So they're like, oh, okay. And they believe every word of it. And it's so good. Dude, I'm so mentally. You can add your own seasoning and shit to it. It's so good. I'm so mentally mind-fucked right now.

Because. Or loco, baby. Or loco because I'm not trying to make you seem like a shitty person because it's fucking hilarious but this is like when it's like your best friend telling you a story you know when you get to that point

where you're like alright this motherfucker ain't gonna lie to me about shit so you believe every word he says and then he just lays this shit on you and you're going to lie to me about shit. So you believe every word he says and then he just lays this shit on you and you're like... Is that supposed to be your dick? Yeah.

We got to end it on that. I mean, there's nothing else to talk about at this point. What? Hey, I'm sorry. Dude, that was so good. I'm sorry I had to leave you on but hey it's a good story let's just pretend to have no i'm just kidding the fucking four locos baby four loco baby episode four

four loco that's probably what i'm gonna title this episode well you got it wild you got an extra long one for this one i hope you enjoyed it Spencer and Gavin who are the only people that listen to our podcast anyone else that's listening and our boys from Australia and Canada if you guys are still listening yeah that was probably a one time thing but anyone else who actually is listening that likes the show we love you

and thanks for watching and thanks for bearing with us and I hope you listened all the way to the end because this was an extra long episode and um i think we're gonna end it here until next time peace out you motherfuckers until next time always rotate your fungicides and what haven't we said yet we've said edge your sidewalks keep your blades sharp you haven't said that yet keep your fucking blades sharp you motherfuckers

and rotate your fungicides thank you I'll be back again and again and again and again and again and again, and again, and again.

Pause. Are you actually pissed at me? No. It's such a good story. I posted my B-reel. Yeah. My friend commented. I don't even might be real. Yeah. My friend comments. I don't even want to know.

What's the at? Just put Jake got a handy from a girl in a wheelchair. Okay, bye.