Grass Daddies Podcast - Grass Daddies Podcast Episode 42: I'd be down for that [Ben Holdaway & Spencer McClellan]

Episode Date: May 28, 2024

In this episode of the Grass Daddies Podcast, we are treated to a guest appearance by Ben Holdaway and a returning appearance by Spencer McClellan. Ben shares a hilarious blackout story (from what he can remember), talks about a podcasting class he took and everyone reminisces about high school football. Jake also talks about how he used to have a water bed and explains how you shouldn't knock it till you try it. SHANKITGOLF.COM Code:grass Follow us on Social Media! Youtube: grassdaddiespodcast Instagram: @grassdaddiespodcast @kamdenwellmann @jakekillham Spencer's Instagram: @spence2018 Tik Tok: @kandenwellmann (yes that's how it's spelled) @jakekillham11

We're the only podcast who is actually like, we had an Instagram account promoting it. God damn. We were. Did you have a Patreon? No. 99 cent. Oh, we also, we started doing mukbangs. I think.

That's the best thing I've ever heard in my life. So, the captain. Did you mukbang your school lunches? Yeah. I'm out. No Everyone likes to Everyone likes to clap When I do it

I like to clap But what happens is What happens is Then there's multiple The reason for the The clap is You're trying to get A spike in audio

Yeah So you can match up The sound So everyone Whenever I do it They're like I'm gonna clap too And then there's're like, oh, I'm going to clap too. And then there's like three different spikes, and I'm like, that didn't help me at all. You got to know what your hands sound like.

Now, is me touching the table going to be a problem? What? Is me touching the table going to cause issues? Not unless you're like banging on the table. Yeah. You can bang every once in a while, but. I'm trying to really get a point across here. You might have to bang.

Welcome to the maybe podcast. I'd be down for that. I'd be down for that podcast. I'm Jake, and I am the Grass Daddy, and today I am joined by two... That's how much you really think, Jake. Two good friends of mine. Spencer was on a couple episodes ago. And this is Ben.

He is the third Ben. The trifecta. To be featured on this pod. You're the trifecta. It's getting to the point now when if I'm telling Lena or my parents something, and I'm like, they're like, because my parents something and I'm like bet like they're like because my parents you know how parents are they're like who was over it's like do I need to name off every single person that was over um I'm sorry but you're a little like you're

a little like hair swirl you're like this and it's like bouncing around so you got this thing on a spring right now but whenever my parents parents are like, who'd you have over? And I'm like, I had Ben, and they're just like, Ben who? And I'm just like, work Ben, or Ben Schmeling, or... Bookie Ben. That's a hell of a last name. Bookie Ben, I call him. Bookie Ben.

Yeah, Bookie Ben. Or Ben, my brother-in-law. My sister's husband. I was saying that... You got it. Was it yesterday? And I was like, my wife's husband I was saying that was it yesterday and I was like my wife's husband and I'm like no wait I said that wrong he literally said he was like no wait

I said that wrong like he stopped himself my wife's husband would just be me but I'm collecting you're the third infinity stone band that I've collected and we were trying to decide

which stone would you be like what do you think I plan on hurling a lot of questions at you on this episode no okay I'm here for it let's go I'm here for it about the stones or what they're about are these like colors are you familiar with Avengers? never seen it I'm here for it. About the stones or what they're about. Are these like colors? My, uh...

Are you familiar with... No. Okay. Avengers? Never seen it. Dude! Never seen it. Dude!

Never was a fan of superhero things when I was a kid or anything, so... Okay, we'll move on. Whoa! We're gonna have to watch those movies now. That's alright.

Dick, we're gonna have to do a movie. Is the recording great? Movie time. There's like 26 movies or something. I mean, we don't have to watch those movies now. That's alright. Dick, we're going to have to do a movie. We're recording, great. There's like 26 movies or something. I mean, we don't have to watch them all. I think Spider-Man won. Which one?

The first one. The Tobey Maguire one? Yeah. That's technically not in the MCU universe, right? No, he got added late. No, no, no, like the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man. Yeah, because Spider-Man got added late, didn't he? To the Avengers

Yeah, I don't know Now, do they just act like they're all the same guy The same Spider-Man Or do they address that they're changing people? I mean, okay That's a very good question Because they They recently

They recently made a Spider-Man movie where all three of the different Spider-Mans were in it. And the other two, the Tobey Maguire and the Andrew Garfield one, came from different universes. It was actually kind of sick. It was really nice. That sounds alright. The ending's pretty sad

though. Well, should we tell? No. So, The ending's pretty sad, though. Well, do you want to... Should we tell? No, I'm just kidding. So, you're not an avid listener of this podcast, right? I'm not. And that's fine. I wasn't trying to put you on blast or anything. I just wanted to basically give you the rundown on what this thing is.

You've been promoting this thing. So this here is the Magic Mini Fridge. And why it's called the Magic Mini Fridge is because whenever we come and sit down in this room to record a pod, we just open the door and there's just alcoholic beverages

in there. I got it's just alcoholic beverages in there. I got it on the black market from a guy from Guadalajara Holy shit. who pawned it off a family that was like like illegally murdered

and so there's a whole back story I got my microwave off that guy actually too. Right? Yeah, I think we might have no connection. Right.

A common misconception it's not free it actually dispenses a receipt back here um which i do have to sign but it is kind of nice that i don't have to like worry about what i'm gonna drink i just kind of like you know whatever it's like a hotel it provides so so if it's all the same to you guys you know i'm kind of thirsty put me in that category throw me in there i could put you in that category. Throw me in there. I could put you in that category. The thirsty category? Thirsty category.

Okay. Population two. If it's all the same to you guys, should we get this party started? Yeah, open that thing up. Let's do it. Let me, uh... Oh, okay.

I thought I was... Vincent fucked the knock. He's like... Holy shit. Are these the new cans? Oh my god. For the farmer bush lockets? For the farmer bush lockets.

Let me just shove this thing off the table here. I hope that's enough. Now, Ben. As we crack these open and participate in one of your favorite pastimes of drinking alcohol. Chacon. Chacon.

You've blacked out more than a couple times. Is that correct? Yeah, three or four. Yeah, three or four. Three sure okay now this is this is the funny thing is because now I want to hear some of these blackout stories but the interesting thing is it's kind of hard to tell a blackout story when you don't remember what happened. Yeah, no, I know. That's why I bring this guy.

So, dude, I'm like, he's my story. He's my story. Pert near as bad half the time. True. Okay, we're right here.

We're back. We can hear you. I might need to put the input volume back down. No, I'm just kidding. But, I am looking down there and that thing's

spiking pretty hard. That thing's spiking? Well, mom, we have respect. But I am looking down there, and that thing's spiking pretty hard. That thing's spiking? Well, mom, we have respect. There is a story, however, that I heard about some pizza rolls that I would love for you to fill us in on what happened, from what you can remember. I can do that for you, no problem. So basically, as any... I mean, you're not under oath. You can...

I can lie. I will lie. No. No, no. But what happened? It's not like you're doing me a favor or anything. Like, you just tell me a story. Yeah, I'll tell a story.

This story probably gets three more viewers right here. This story's about to go viral. I hope. So as any good American does After a long night at the bars Was I even at the bars? Or was I here? I might have been here

This is the issue We're already running into it I don't know exactly what happened I think we might have been here I'm pretty sure we were here Which is a problem Cause I'm pretty sure we fucked up here

A lot of these Yeah A lot of these stories When they start off With you being somewhere And then we fucked up here. Yeah, a lot of these stories, when they start off with you being somewhere, and then you end up driving home. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm not afraid of a good little drinking and driving session from time to time.

I'm not promoting it. I'm just saying, you know, sometimes you've got to get to work the next morning, and there's only one way to do that. What's more expensive, a parking ticket or a DUI? You know, probably the DUI. It's not a DUI if you don't get caught. If you don't get caught. It's not cheating if you don't get caught.

But essentially, we had a few brewskis. Probably 15 or 20. I don't know. I was feeling really good. We or you? Me. Okay. I was feeling great. I was feeling really good. We or you? Me. Okay. I was feeling great.

I was feeling great. I had some cut water slips, some margarita cut waters in there. I don't remember. It might have been before the margarita phase. Yeah, so I get home and I just... As any American does. As any good American does. They go straight for that freezer and start looking for goodies.

Something to soak it up. The stomach was churning. It was craving food. And lo and behold, just a sack of gold. Just tortillas, pizza rolls. Just lying there. You know in Pulp Fiction when they open the briefcase and it starts glowing?

No. You've never seen Pulp Fiction? Don't make me edit this Fiction don't make me edit this out don't make me edit you're being sarcastic no no no this is one of my this is one of my

crimes that I have that I own up to I am a movie guru oh okay but and I am ashamed that I know Pulp Fiction

some people say like that's the greatest movie ever made yeah whoa they're wrong they're wrong I said some people.

But I know that it's a very good movie and I'm ashamed that I haven't seen it and I have to have interactions like these where they're like,

you haven't seen it? And I'm like, yes. I mean, that's pretty easy. Imagine a briefcase, you open it and just like a gold shimmer comes out of it. What about like

Austin Powers' gold member? Like that? Similar. Okay. So freezer, throw it on top. That's what happens.

Thirteen is there. Is it like one that's on top of your fridge? No, it's a drawer. It's a drawer. So you slide it out and it just opens up the gold. There's about a half bag in there.

Now I underestimate how many, I thought there was probably fifteen in there. Who can I underestimate how many. I thought there was probably 15 in there. Who can't eat 15 pizza rolls? So, I just dump them. So, I just dump the bag out on a plate. And as I dump it, it's just thud. There's probably 30.

Just a mountain of pizza. And they're all frozen together? They're frozen together. So, it's just a brick a pizza roll yeah I mean there's a plate and just imagine like a round

just a mound like a pizza roll meatloaf yeah essentially kinda or not or not like a

yeah I don't know good that's a good enough comparison but so whatever make those things microwave or oven microwave are you kidding

yeah it's like two in the morning i mean i don't have time for this it's i'm just trying to get pizza rolls in the belly it's either like two or four a.m it could be yeah i mean could have been one in the afternoon for all i care all i know is i want pizza rolls. So I make them, scurry up to my room like any good fat kid, lay down. So excited. So excited. So excited. Put the plate right on the belly. Open up the laptop, throw it on YouTube.

I start going. I probably eat four or five of these things. Say, oh, that's enough. Just toss them off to the side. Just pass out. So you just set the plate. I set the plate down and probably 10 seconds later I'm asleep.

Just set it on my bed. No regard for anything. As long as they're not on my stomach right now, that's all I care about. Just get them off me. These things are suffocating me. By the way, there's ranch all over that plate. Oh my god.

So you weren't dipping, you were just like nachos. No, no, no. I had, I scooted my mound over. You did the side. I kind of made a well with the pizza rolls. Put the ranch in there. Like a gravy boat on that thing. Yeah, pretty much.

Ranch on pizza. Okay. So I had that going. Oh, I also, a little Parmesan cheese.. So I had that going. Whatever. Oh, I also, a little Parmesan cheese, a little sprinkle on there. God damn.

Yeah. So time was of the essence, but you also set up like a gourmet platter for yourself. When I'm hammered like that, I'm like Gordon Ramsay, but like, I'm like shitty food. In your mind,

you're just like, you know, just like whipping it up. You're like plating with like little pieces of basil. I'm getting all gourmet with this thing.

But it's pizza rolls. It's pizza rolls and like grated high-vip shredded cheese. Yeah, Hidden Valley. Hidden Valley Ranch. I mean,

talk about class. So yeah, whatever. That happens. Pass out. Wake up the next morning. Don't even realize, I forget about the pizza, pizza rolls like never happened, that was like just a blip in time, that wasn't real.

Like did I eat pizza rolls? Yeah, I didn't even like remember, that wasn't even a thought I had, like I just woke up and was like, alright, day started, like here we go. I go to, I usually, i sleep on my side but end up on my belly okay so i like go to do like a little push-up and there's just sauce ranch but every condiment just all over me just there's like relish in there yeah like you didn't even put that on yeah i don't even have relish in my house. I don't even know where it came from. So I stand up. I look at my phone and I post made it a relish. Yeah.

It's like sardines and shit. I don't know. No, sorry. Whatever. I just look up and just full disgust with myself. Like not mad, just disappointed. Yeah. For real.

How are you this? How did it come to this? Right. And like I said I only ate like five of them so there's like twenty just

pizza rolls that got smashed into like just like flatbread little things and there's just a plate of them just lying there

so somehow now you don't have a water bed right cause it would've been it would've been who has a waterbed? I used to. What am I, from 19...

Actually, you had a waterbed? I used to. I don't currently have a waterbed. Then that's where you have a waterbed. Can I just... Okay, first of all... I want to know about a waterbed now, man. Why I ask that was because it makes a lot more sense.

Because if you set them to the side, how do they end up underneath you? You know, unless you reach for your teddy bear, but then you grab the plate instead. But if it was a water bed, it makes a lot more sense for them to fall down under you. No, I'm an aggressive sleeper. I turn, I toss, turn. I do that. I'm an aggressive sleeper. I'm aggressive.

No, so, I mean, I probably touch every square inch of the bed During a night sleep Just for me What size bed do you have? I got a queen That's not too hard to cover the whole bed For one person If you're rolling

I'm a roller I'm a big roller Big roller guy Sure enough rolled on top of him. Was it a glass plate? No, it was paper. Oh, it was paper. Dude, imagine if you laid on a glass plate.

Like broke a ceramic plate or something. No, no, no. You put 30 pizza rolls on a paper plate, microwaved it, and then covered it in ranch. How did you even physically carry that?

I think I might have doubled up the plate. I think I had enough wit to double step. You would have to. Dude, that thing's going on. That thing is dissolving. I think I was holding it like a priest with the body of Christ. I was just like,

when I was walking up the street... You were giving communion to yourself with pizza rolls. May he be with you. Peace be with you. With the ranch I have... I actually have a... I actually have a question for Ben. I want you to tell the story to Jake.

This isn't a question. I got a want you to tell the story to Jake. This isn't a question. I got a question. Tell him the story. Yeah, but about the times you say you are in and out of blackoutness and then didn't you say like when you walk into

your house it's like a GTA scene and it just goes black. What? Because you black out right when you get inside. Yeah, it's something

like in my brain. I told you. It's like we gotta hold on just long enough for him to get home and now we can just You know what exactly Especially when a GTA scene

opens a door and it turns black Especially when I'm downtown towards like the end of the night and it's like I'm at the brass rail and it's like I. So I'm downtown towards the end of the night and it's like, I'm at the brass rail and it's like,

I gotta get to the Uber. I just need to get to that Uber so I can get home. You're like, trying to keep an eye open. I always don't think I'm that drunk and I'll start talking to the Uber and I realize how fucking heavy I am. I would not be doing this if I'm drunk. What?

You'd be like, I wouldn't be talking. if I'm drunk what like you'd be like I wouldn't be talking yeah no I yapping his ear off like so what's your what was your SAT score like well not that

not that nerdy but close but it's funny when it's like a middle eastern dude and he just like looks at you like yes

yes like he just like doesn't respond he doesn't know what the fuck is this guy on right now he's just just yapping about nothing. Alcohol.

Turns out. Moving on. But yeah, so basically, I think my mind just knows that once you step through that door, it's like the gates of heaven. The rest is history. You die. Yeah, you die, and sometimes you respawn. So far, 100%. You put that tack insertionawn. So far 100%.

You put that attack insurgent down. You know what it's like, it's like in GTA when you drink too much and then your guy just falls to the ground and you're dead in the screen. It is kind of like that. And then you respawn somewhere else. So you're in my bed with pizza rolls so when you initially woke up were you like

did you immediately realize it was pizza rolls or was first or second were you like blood oh

no no I knew it was pizza rolls okay you're like oh wait I can't have a period especially after

the surgery no um so let's be anatomically correct here um what the fuck was I gonna say no so Especially after the surgery. Let's be anatomically correct here. What the fuck was I going to say? No, so, like I said, I was laying on my belly,

so I did like a push-up, and I see a plate of pizza rolls just under me. So the plate was there too still. Oh, yeah. Well, look, because I rolled on top of it. I was just smothering the plate. Oh, okay. So I was picturing the plate coming to you you like flipped over and just right yeah it was a good sound effect by the way.

So yeah I did have a waterbed. How? Dude. Was that like a hand-me-down from like your parents or something? My cousin.

Okay, yeah. So they had one in my mind. No one should ever go out and buy a waterbed. It should only be a hand-me-down.

Yeah. Right? Do they even make those anymore? I don't even know if you can find a waterbed. I don't know. But I know the chain has to start somewhere. But if you go, yeah, I have a waterbed. I got it at Sam's Club. Then you're going to be like, but if you're like, I outgrew my bed because I had a major growth spurt, and my cousin had a queen-size water bed that they were getting rid of.

That is okay. It's a free bed. I'm a fairly tall person, which happened pretty quick. I outgrew my bed, which was like a twin, and I got a hand-me-down waterbed from my cousin. Fuck yeah. And it was honestly kind of decent, like, it was kind of sweet. Like, it had, like, a decent headboard with, like, little shelves behind it and, like, a mirror.

Does it slosh around when you get on there? Yeah, it's a waterbed. Yeah. It's weird. Yeah. That would be kind of weird. It'd feel like you're, like, laying on a lake or something. So, I know what you guys are thinking.

Waterbed? What the fuck is that? of weird like you're like laying on a lake so i know what you guys are thinking water what the is that but let me tell you some of the perks and then you tell me if you don't now want a water bed okay here's one perk so water gets real cold even at room temperature oh so so there's a heating there's like a heating thing underneath it with a temperature thing and it keeps the water warm. So in the winter time, and you can adjust it, so in the winter time you get into your bed and it is already warm for you. I would like it the other way where it's cold.

Well you could do that too. But I like that. So it's cold well you can do that too but no but i like yeah like in the summer so it's already a warm bed here's the other thing what cradles your body more than water i mean it conforms to every single crevice and curve it is a liquid it's a liquid so you lay down in it and you are perfectly just held. Okay. So it's actually pretty comfy. You're starting to sell me on this thing. You're starting to sell me. I didn't think I could be sold on a waterbed.

Okay, but now, and I know what you're already going to ask. What is sex like on a waterbed? It can't be good. It's not horrible, though. Okay. What were you going to say? Sounds like a probably. How does your, because you were growing so fast.

Did your body hurt? No, I didn't have any growing pains. Well, you're not on a flat surface, like hard surface. You're always kind of moving. Oh, yeah. Here's the other thing. I mean, no matter what, you're going to create a little weight. And there's been studies done about this, so I know this isn't bullshit.

One, if you struggle to fall asleep, one of the methods that they tell you is to rock yourself to sleep. Like, if you sit in place and kind of rock yourself to sleep, you know,

just kind of like this. You never move the part of your body to go to sleep? I just put a landmine of pizza rolls in my bed and just do push-ups on it in the middle of the night.

Yeah, I just drink myself into a coma. Eat pizza rolls. I just put a landmine of pizza rolls in my bed and just do push-ups on it in the middle of the night. Yeah, I just drink myself into a coma. Eat pizza rolls. I just drink so much that my body makes me fall asleep. Okay, but no, it's pretty easy on a waterbed because you can kind of move around and it's kind of soothing. I'm making myself miss my waterbed. Could you just hollow out your

mattress right now and throw like a dude like one of those big balloons you see those things it doesn't sound very practical

imagine how heavy a water bed is though oh that's the thing can you pop that thing fucking if you go you start like

I mean my dick isn't that sharp no you start getting a little crazy though you know throw your girl in bed I don't know I mean I don't know I think sharp. No, you start getting a little crazy, though. You know, throw your girl in bed. I don't know.

I mean, I don't know. I think they're built out of a pretty durable material. Yeah. So, say you would move. You'd have to drain it. You can drain those things? Well, yeah. Does it, like, roll up? Well, I mean, when it's empty, I...

Like, where do you drain it into? Down the sump drain in your basement. How much water did that thing hold? I mean, it was probably... I mean, a queen-size bed. It was probably queen-size, and it was about yay thick. But you've got to think, like... You've got to think how big a queen-size bed it is.

Probably at least a good 100 gallons, I would guess. Dang. Probably more, honestly. I don't know. How many gallons does... Jamie, look at that. We don't have an assistant here I thought I had more questions for you but so we're gonna make a beer why don't you why don't you finish that well I'm getting started the mini fridge I mean it's here what are we doing it's provided oh wait that's here are we making a beer mint

or what sure okay so I think that sounds like a great idea so this on the web

on the internet says www.waterbed.com yeah it is it is Wikipedia so

anywhere from 80 to 235 gallons 235 is. 235? Is that like a king size? I'm guessing. I need a

California king size water. If it's that, like the 235, it weighs over 2,000 pounds. First of all, that belch

smells horrendous. Second of all, we're freshening it up with the coffee's in. The coffee's in? You guys coffee's in oh no I'm good it tastes like chocolate dude whenever I tried Zins yeah it just like immediately gives me a headache you gotta start with three right and then I think cuz cuz I

was starting to say that's all you've ever done you want it you want to hear something funny about Zins yeah my mom she called me one day at work she was stressed out about something she was stressed out about her work and then she just sprinkled in the fact she's like and your dad's chewing again like he likes those skull he likes skull pouches sure and then i was like mom let's just get him on zins she's like what's that and i'm like it's just nicotine like there's no tobacco in it and she's like really and i'm just like yeah that's what like everyone does so he can get the buzz from the nicotine because that's what he's after and there's no tobacco in it she's like oh okay like she was completely fine with it never heard of that and then he uh he tried one of cams at

like the baseball game and I think he liked it. He's like, I'm going to have to go get some. There we go. It's probably the same effect. This episode is sponsored by Zanz. I'm just kidding. Use code GRASS, Danny, to check it. Use code GRASS.

5% off. Use code GRASS with 5% off. Any log of Zanz at your nearby Casey's General Store. And if you have a nicotine addiction, call. If you have a nicotine addiction, don we all don't we all and if you don't or if you yeah if you don't have one you better get one if you don't yeah because what the fuck are you doing yeah welcome to america bitch um i think yeah talking about about talking about nicotine addiction in America definitely warrants

a hoorah yeah right so to answer your guys' question yes we do have three mics but

we have yet to evade and I'm putting you on blast right now I see you looking away but you're

right front and center look at you space cadet we have yet we have yet to evade the technology curse that has swept over this podcast. Last episode... It's been the past couple episodes here, man. Last episode, we had three mics um and three

laptops jesus christ good god do they put extra bubbles in this and this uh this round of for the farmers um but um i forgot well i don't think i forgot i just accidentally misclicked or something on trace's laptop and i selected the laptop audio um instead of the instead of the mic audio so i ended up scrapping the mic audios because i was not about to go through and just every single time once he talked right use the phone audio for him and then use the mic audios for the other for the me and ben but because that would have been way too much fucking editing and that's just that's just bullshit you don't want to give you guys trash right so i opted for um that but but his the the leno was like why don't you just use the laptops audio and i'm like it literally sounds like a robot getting butt fucked by optimus prime inside of a cd radio from a 1994

peterbilt i don't know like i don't know it it sounded so i was like because it's not usable it's not good at all um so we got one good mic that can pick up three. We were going to do three mics and three laptops, but the person who brought the third laptop for this episode left it dead since the last time we recorded. So, um, this is our only option. I mean, Ben has a laptop too. By the way, I was told to just show up for a podcast. I came for a podcast. Right.

I knew a laptop was needed. We said just show up for a podcast. I came for a podcast. I knew a laptop was needed. We said, show up. I went over here with a charged laptop. Because I knew we were going to use it. Okay? Who shows up? That's like showing up to a barbecue with just a tray. With no food on it.

That's like showing up to a barbecue with a plate and a... Little bib. Little bib. Yeah. Or like showing up with like just uncooked shit and just being like hey you do it

how about you cook this okay I mean I kind of get it if you would do we'll edit that we'll edit that if you do that to Jake

he would actually he would actually like it like if you just showed up yeah I was gonna say that wouldn't be bad if you just brought like some brats or something

I'd be like okay I see like I don't mean that's coming from a guy who likes to do the grilling. But if you're saying you're going to bring something to something, and then you tell him to make it, it's like, what the fuck? I would have just made it. You guys seen Oppenheimer?

It's so hard for me not to reference him, dude. It's like all I've been watching, and it's just so fucking funny. He'll wait for a lull in the moment and then just like, or someone will be ranting about something crazy and then he'll just say that. Can we get two off topic? Thank you guys for standing in for Cam

on this episode. We miss him. We miss that boy. I only recently started missing Cam. And here's why. Okay, I'll defend myself here. When you're with someone all day, every day, for like two years straight,

when they're gone for a week, you're not just like, I'm so desperately craving to see them. It's just like... They're gone. I've had my fill. It kind of felt like he was on vacation. Right.

It didn't even feel like he was gone. It sinks in and you're like, God damn it. Yeah, like he was just on vacation coming back. Well, what happened is, and if we can dim the lights here and have kind of a somber moment here. What happened was I was at work and i was listening to some past episodes um and the first thing i thought was damn i'm really funny and the second thing i thought was i kind of miss cam um because we were having some pretty good the episodes don't seem very good in the moment when you're recording them but then when you listen back you're like we're actually

like that was actually a decent, like, it sounds basically my reasoning for if it sounds good is if it just sounds like a normal podcast, like all the other ones sound like. Yeah. That's a good start. Right. That's what you want. That's a good start. I know I'm not going to be like, mine's

better than everyone else's. Mine's superior. If it sounds like, like, run of the mill, hey, we're doing something. After this podcast too, it's just going to be us burping under our breath. You know what? That was the other thing I noticed a lot too. That was the other thing I noticed too. I was always burping and talking talking through my burps yeah in the

episodes and I'm like god I'm a fucking disgusting pig it's hard to talk a lot and drink beer at the same time yeah and when you're just when you're just housing beers like water yeah you tend to talk to talk to talk to your burps a lot you know those like compilations of like podcasts and it's just like like when they're like they just start to talk. You know what I'm talking about? Are you talking about

like people that have I'll call them talking tics or like verbal tics where they they do something a lot when they're talking? Yeah.

And like there's like a compilation of just them doing that. Yes. That's gonna be this. Oh my god. Just burps. We only have like

29 subscribers. I don't know if anyone's dedicated enough to scrub through it. That's why we're going with Patreon. We're making a Patreon. We're going to make a Patreon.

99 cent a month. Is that even possible? Is that like the lowest you can do? I think a dollar, yeah. 99 cents a month? But then we have to offer something special.

You just add like another 30 minutes of the podcast or you can be like oh early access even though I always post late yeah you can just give them nothing just make them pay a dollar on the topic of so I don't know where

I just watched the English that reminded me of that reminded me of true that reminded me of um we'll just we'll just post special episodes with subtitles and that'll be the that'll be no um added for our deaf listeners out there um yeah for all you deaf listeners out there thanks for listening i'm sorry that wasn't funny it's so fucking. There was a guy, like, giving a... He was either, like, some kind of guy giving a speech or speaker at, like, an event. And he would talk and he would always go...

Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, exactly. He'd be talking and then he'd be, like, talking and then he'd be talking some more. And then he would, like, come up with something else he was going to say, and he would always go like that in between what he was saying. And it was the only thing that I could notice. And so all I was doing was focusing on him going...

Dude, once you hear one of those small things like that, I feel like you, like, walk onto that, and that's, like, all you hear. But, like, when Trump does his, like... Like, he does that, like when Trump does that inhale with his teeth but there's like some things and Joe Biden are you going to give us a Trump impression? commit to it

your Joe Biden your Trump impression is Joe Biden Joe Biden he's not going to I don't think I can say so I'm going to leave it there we're not

really political on this podcast but I will say I have not listened to a it's been a while since I've listened to any form of like a debate or it hasn't happened in four years or whatever that makes a lot of sense why I have it.

That's how the American elections go. Four years, you get debates every now and then. Good point. I think we got one coming up, though. We should. The Gladiators are going to be back in the arena. What were you going to say? What were you going to say?

I don't even remember. Okay, good point. Oh, speaking of that, you know how you and Trace were talking about your good point? Yeah. How you guys, like, say that? Yeah. Ben's got one. Oh, the things that he always says.

Rebet. Rebet. He's got a talking tick. What is it? Someone will say something, and then he'll just say it. Like, repeat it them have you never noticed that no but now i am what you do that it's just what he does i don't you might not notice it it's kind of funny like i'll say something funny like okay let's um oh wait no i know what you're talking yeah yeah yeah let's come up with something funny Um Because it happens like every time we hang out I'll say some stupid

There's absolutely some The dumbest thing And then you'll die laughing And just say that And then you'll die laughing And say that four times Just over and over I just did what he does

Yeah I don't notice I know I know you don't notice it That's why it's funny It's okay Um you've probably done it a That's why it's funny. You've probably done it a handful of times on here. Probably.

But anyway, tell... I'm not trying to call you out. I'm just saying that on the topic of... But anyway, tell Jake how you... Because he explained it in the last... Is this a question for Ben? About Good Point. So you've got to last episode about good point. You gotta tell him about Ribbit.

Ribbit? Or Rip It? You did it just now when we were testing the audio. It's a thing. Me and my buddy back home in California from the Bay Area.

Shout out Santa Cruz, California Area Shout out Santa Cruz California by the way Shout out to Santa Cruz Shout out Santa Cruz 831 Represent Hey No but We'll do like a hype edit

We'll edit something in there Like a skateboard trick Yeah Some guy surfing I imagine that's the only thing That happens is just Surfing and skateboarding Smoking weed

Okay Yeah A little fentanyl I'll sprinkle it A little fentany weed okay yeah a little fentanyl people no so we were waiting for my buddy to get off work he was a huge opium epidemic we were waiting for my buddy to get off work no he just got off work and we were sitting out front of the, he worked at a pizza shop and his car was parked

out front. He's into like sports cars and like fixing up cars and shit. Yeah. So he just got like a new A gear head. Yeah,

so he just got like a new exhaust or something. So it's, the thing was loud and just rumbling and just, and some homeless like tweaker

starts walking by and we're talking and we don't really notice him and he just goes R.I.B.B.T. R.I.B.B.T. Ribbit?

We think he's saying R.I.B.B.T. We've come to realize probably like after we thought about it he's probably saying like Revit or something. Oh.

Revit. We just heard R.I.B.B.T. And so we're like R.I.B.B.T. Like we're just like what the fuck? When you don't have teeth. Yeah. And you're just yelling your shit.

Can't say rev because your bottom lip hits your top teeth. You need the teeth. So if you don't have teeth, ribbit. Right, so it was one of those. And we're just like, ribbit. Like, what the fuck? So we just start, like, the rest of the night, we're just, ribbit. Like, you just kept just saying it.

Like, does that guy think that car is a giant frog it could have been he saw the he saw the lights go on just tweak it

on some shit and the frog was talking to him he was like fuck I knew I should have smoked that I don't want that frog

to eat me so I need to try to deescalate so I'm gonna say what a frog says which is let me get on this rivet

let me get on this frog's good sidebit. Yeah, ribbit. Let me get on this guy, this frog's good side. Right. Ribbit. It's kind of like a hello. So we were just, we just kept saying that and it just turned into like,

every time we'd see each other, just ribbit, ribbit. And like, we'd just say, and especially, I don't know, I don't know if I knew that.

Yeah, no. So once you just get a couple beers or get a little, smoke a little of that ganche, you just start, we just start going rip it rip

like we just all we can say is rip it because it also could be rip it like if you no it wasn't it could have been no okay never mind

I mean you could use rip it I'll just go fuck myself yeah how about you shut up this is my show now are you done no you done talking

you done talking no so yeah so that's basically how Rivet started. I need someone to come on the show and shut me up. Because I talk way too much. I mean, Ben's doing a pretty good job right now. I mean, I feel like you haven't talked much. That's a lie.

I've talked a lot. Hey, we're all doing our part here. Part of podcasting is talking. So, you kind of have to do it. That tends to be a large part of it. Yeah, it's kind of all we're doing here. It of podcasting is talking, so you kind of have to do it. That tends to be a large part of it. Yeah, it's kind of all we're doing here. It's talking, right. Oh yeah, we were going to bring up how he did

a podcasting class. Oh yeah, what was that all about? So, it was a class for, it was like an elective you could take at my high school. It was like the first year they started it. In high school? Yeah, it was my senior year. That sounds like a thing you would do in college. Yeah, well, it was like, we were supposed to be like this whole, we were like the first

school to have iPads and shit, and it was supposed to be this whole tech thing, and then you were out of high school. We did that. We did that at my school. What year? What year? Well, my senior year was 2020, but I went there in sixth grade, so what the fuck? How, 2012? Like, were they doing it when you were in middle school? Yeah, so when I got there, it was like, right when the iPad, I think, came out. Okay.

So it was like a big deal. Oh, right when the iPad came out? Or around then, I don't know. It was starting to gain traction. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know when the iPad came out. If you guys can look that up, I don't know. But whatever.

It was a big thing. So by the time my senior year rolled around, it's like this big tech initiative to get people just good at using technology. So podcasting was a part of it. And so me and my buddy decided to start a podcast on just the sports at the school. Hell yeah. It was the start of the semester so it was uh football volleyball but i think those were the only two sports going on so we i was on the football team and i got

hurt so i just would talk about just shit just talk about yourself no i had nothing good you were i had nothing going on i was hurt in the second uh quarter of the first game, I broke my ankle. That ended my season right there. I think everyone has had a... Never mind. We'll be right back. It's not that relatable because it just happened to me and I tried to catch myself just relating the topic to myself. So why don't you keep telling your story? So me and my buddy, I think it was...

We would record them on, it was like the Monday after like the football game and, you know, volleyball plays like every other day or whatever. So what'd you have to do? Like record an episode? Yeah. So we just take notes. We would record an episode.

Like how often did, like you had to like submit it for a grade? Turn it in. And so, yeah, we were doing it and it was, it was like, turn it in. And so, yeah, we were doing it, and it was going. We actually gained, like, out of, there was, like, four podcast groups in the class, and we were the only ones with, like, a following in the school. Like, we had, like, a hundred followers. We would get, like, a hundred listeners, like, episode. Dude!

Just, like, talk, because my buddy was... And what grade were you in? I was a senior. Okay. So, yeah. And we were just talking about... That probably helps a little. I mean, I wasn't gaining...

I was not gaining any popularity from my podcast. Well, no, but it probably helps being like you're a senior, so you've got probably a larger voice. My buddy was pretty popular amongst everyone. Because he was... I'm trying to gas you up here a little bit. Listen, you don't need to because there's no gas to be given. Okay.

But what I'm saying is, we got attraction. So, we were talking about we got a couple episodes game following. We did an episode and the volleyball team so I was talking to this girl on the volleyball team so I'd go to their games sometimes.

As you do. When you have a high school girlfriend. The extent of the dating is you sit next to each other and you go to each other's sporting events and you would go to anyways get lunch together go to their volleyball game and then go to the parking lot

anyways what were you saying so we're at a game and they're up what is it like best of 5 like how it goes so they're up 2-0 and just collapse. They collapse. Uh-oh.

Lose 3-2. So we start, we talk about it on the podcast. So then you have an ultimatum. You're like, do I shit all over

my girlfriend? Oh, I ain't kidding. For content? She was my girlfriend. We were like, just talking and like, I was kind of just being like,

well, maybe if I go to this volleyball game, she'll like me. Like, it was like one of those deals. And I was just, I think it was like right after,

because I would still go to football practice and it was like right as football practice was ending, there was like a game going on. So me and my buddy just decided to go and we watched the absolute collapse happen. So of course, the podcast comes. We talk about it and we're like, yeah, they kind of choked. Like we were just kind of going in on them. Like kind of shitting on her a little bit. A little bit.

And so word got back to the volleyball team. And they were not happy. The coach was not happy. And the athletic director was not happy either. So the athletic director goes to our teacher and tells him, you have to cancel. You have to end the show. Oh, my God. But she's like, this is a great, or he, he or she, teacher, he, was like, but they submitted this is a grade or he yeah he or she he was like

but they submitted this for a grade right well no he he was fine with the podcast the AD was the one with the prom and then the

I know but like was he like saying like we have to delete this or pretty much he was like he gave us a grade like he was

he gave us the grade for the episode he's like we can't air this publicly but yeah you guys have to stop you have to find a new topic so he's basically complaining about making us a grade for the episode. He's like, we can't air this publicly. Yeah, you guys have to stop. You have to find a new topic. So he was basically complaining about...

Making us look weak to the other schools. About news. Yeah, we reported it as we saw it. Your principal got in front of the media and was like, this is fake news. Yeah, pretty much. Even though that's exactly what happened. They choked.

We have the best volleyball team in the state. Well, I mean, we were a pretty low tier. Like you weren't very good? No, but we were good in the low tier. I don't know how they do it here, but it's like A, B, C. A, B, C, D? Yeah, and we were like C or something. But we were good.

The volleyball team was good in like C. A good C. A good C good C yeah like how big would you say your school was I think my

like I graduated probably with like 80 people so okay weren't you in C too yeah my graduating class

was like 54 or some shit just like to compare like well cause you went to a what Christian school too yeah private Christian school

yeah Lincoln Lutheran yeah so I went to a Montavista? Private Christian school? Lincoln Lutheran. Yeah, so I went to a Montevideo Christian. Go Mustangs. Shout out to LL, baby. Just kidding. I got no favorite things. Lincoln Lutheran.

And what was cool about the Lincoln Lutheran is that this part and this part make a cross. Oh my god. See? See? They thought of everything. They might have just randomly came up with that one day and they were like, we need to make a school now because

of how genius that logo idea is. Some guy was just doing that. Some guy was like, and he was like, Jesus Christ, let's make it a Lutheran school. Let's do it. Guys, I'm on a soap. He's like, I think I figured it out. That got cancelled, so then me and my buddy we resorted. Guys I'm on a soap He's like I think I figured it out Yeah But yeah so

That got cancelled So then me and my buddy We resorted So we realized that Our teacher wasn't even Listening to our podcast Cause you can see We got analytics

Of who's listening to it So even when you're Submitting a podcast For a grade Your fucking teacher Won't even subscribe. No. He wasn't.

What a crock of shit. Yeah, no, it was insane. So, whatever. He just tells us, like, you can't do this anymore. You want one of those? You want one of these? That's why I opened the fridge. Oh, is it?

Hey, wait, is that for you? Yeah. Oh, you asked me if I wanted one. Isn't this full? No. Do not have any Beezer rolls when you go home tonight, okay? I will not. All right.

But, yeah, so we resorted to, we had to stop it, and then we made a poker podcast, which was us. What? Literally, I would bring chips to school. You had a podcast centered around gambling. And we would play poker and just talk. Oh, you guys would play? Yeah, we'd get somebody

going to the bathroom and be like, hey, come over here. And they'd sit down and play a couple hands and we'd just start talking to them. But to fuck with our teacher, we'd just... We're like, don't fold, you pussy. We would pick up just stacks of chips and just drop them on the mic. Oh, for ambient audio

like for b-roll not even just to like fuck this guy our podcast is literally just gonna be chips falling oh okay so you recorded it and you were pissed at your teacher and so you were trying to create a fucking shitty the worst thing we could think of like you were like i got an idea and you went in the bathroom and just like took a fucking shit yeah we're gonna make him listen to me how about you squeeze a turd out of my ass it pissed me off so much because it was like we're the only podcast who was actually like we had an instagram account promoting it god damn we were did you have a patreon no 99 set oh we also we started doing mukbangs I think that's the best thing I've ever heard in my life so

did you mukbang your school lunches yeah I'm out are you kidding me he's gone sorry I can't hear it

um alright guys nacho day at the end of the day all the all the shit they didn't like sell or give to kids

or whatever they would just like they were getting ready to throw out, and we'd just be like, can we get one of everything? And they'd just give it to us. And so we'd go over to the table, and I'd just be eating a slice of pizza. Recording yourself on the mic.

Yeah. This is pretty good. We wouldn't even do the ASMR shit. We would just eat it and be like, this pizza's about a 4.5 out of 10. Just throw it back on the plate. Now, I don't condone bullying.

However, there are certain circumstances There are certain circumstances I'm talking about you see a kid sitting in the school cafeteria certain circumstances there are certain circumstances is that why we were drawing the line at buck day I'm talking about you see a kid sitting in the

school cafeteria when it's cleared out and he's sitting with a mic eating a slice of pizza and his friend recording him oh man

because I'm sorry I'm just picturing you with that square pizza in the tray taking a honk out of it and then just going I give tray, taking a honk out of it, and then just going, I give that maybe a 4.5 out of 10.

Yeah, pretty much. Like a corn dog. Oh, man. A corn dog. This thing's a little rubbery. 3.5 out of 10. Cornbread's a little stale. Yeah.

So you're just like. Now I can see why people get bullied is what I'm trying to say. Yeah. Luckily nobody was bullying me for my mother. But you were a senior though. I was a senior. Nobody kicked me in the shit. Okay.

But there's something, the hierarchy of school, like whenever you see a senior do something, it's automatically cool. Yeah, it's like, oh, he knows what he's doing. Like if you saw a 7th grader doing it. I would have picked up that train. Right. That kid would 100% be getting food thrown at him. But if a senior did it, it's either A,

oh, he must be taking a really cool or serious class that I have no idea what's going on. Or B, oh shit, he's cool. Is that guy riding the short bus? Why is he going to trade food? Why is he gonna try to food why is he to try to food in 3p we'll be right back no but yeah so that was that was the extent of that

and uh well that one question took about 20 minutes but that was a great little uh I do want to say I think it's pretty sweet that like a school would... Okay, so what was the class? Just like... Like a multimedia application class?

It was literally like, you just had to make a podcast and turn it in. No, but what class were you in? It was called podcasting. It was a podcasting class? Yeah, it was strictly. And he would kind of show you how to use a soundboard. Okay, so we had a little bit of the media. Yeah, but we would use just our phones to record.

Right. Did you have to do a lot of editing? No. Did you clap before? Or did you use an actual slate? I think we just started. You know the stereotypical in a movie?

That's what the clap is. I don't think we did any of that. I'll fuck myself. I know what you're talking about. I think we were just too stupid to even think about it. You just kind of went we were just too stupid to even think about it. You just kind of went. We just started recording.

You just find it. You just scrub through until you find it. Until it starts echoing. We would do like what you did. You're like, is Spencer listening to me?

No, I'm just kidding. That was a pretty meta reference that I made from earlier. Okay, never mind. I'll shut up now. Please.

No. There was no video attached. I've had a couple beers. I'm sorry. Attached to the sports one. please no there was no video attached I've had a couple beers I'm sorry attached to the the sports one it was just all audio

and the Pokemon was all audio the Mukbang we did video I don't know why I don't know why I thought you just said Pokemon

Pokemon no and I'm like wow California really is ahead of every trend I had a teacher with the

Pokemon Go watch and it went ding when there was one near it and then you walked up to him when you're like Every trend. I had a teacher with the Pokemon Go watch, and it would ding when there was one near it. And then you walked up to him when you're like, I don't condone bullying. However. You gotta be kidding me. No, and she would ding, and she would run out the classroom.

Get on her foot. You're fucking with me. Stop. You'd see her throw the Pokeball. You're fucking with me. Okay, it had to be. In the middle of class, she just runs out. She had to be an art teacher. You're fucking with me. It was so middle of class she just runs out. She had to be an art teacher.

No, it was chemistry. Chemistry? Mr. Sousa, shout out. Have you caught them all? I don't think she's listening. You're going to have to message her on Facebook and tell her to listen to this episode. I got her number.

What I was trying to say was that's pretty crazy that a school would offer a podcast. It's like a pretty specific form of social media. So why it happened was because the guy who caught it, Mr. Cleffer, who's also probably not listening to this, You can message him. You can message him too. Yeah, I should. He has an espresso machine. So I brought an espresso Mr. Cleffer. He's also probably not listening to this. You can message him. You can message him too. Yeah, I should.

He has an espresso machine. So I brought an espresso machine to that class. What? I bought like a shitty one. Like as a senior gift? No, just like because it was the first class. For yourself. We all love coffee.

So we'd just make espressos. It wasn't even an espresso. It was just... I think it had... It was like a Keurig, you know? Okay. And I think it had a funk was like a Keurig, you know? Okay. And I think it had a funk. What did his classroom look like?

It was an old, like, hangar. Like a... Like an aircraft hangar? No, but it was... It was like an old garage, I guess. Like a... Like a... Like a...

What do you call that? Okay, so we had, like... We had, like, video editing. That was offered. That was, like like a class. And it was in one of the computer labs where there was a bunch of computers set up. Was it like a computer lab? We had a computer lab.

I don't even know how to fucking describe this. What's going on out on the West Coast? Imagine... Almost imagine like a... Holy shit, not a shipping container, but like... What? No, dude. like a holy shit like a not a shipping container but like what no dude it was like a metal like like uh like a upside down half pipe you know half pipes like this but what is that like this all right so that was the room it was like a long it was i'm starting to think this school

doesn't even really exist and this was just one of your blackout dreams. It could have been. No, but it was like 50, probably 150, no, no, probably 50 feet long. Okay. Just like a garage type deal. And there was just tables and like chairs and stuff. Was this attached to the school? Yeah. Or was it like, oh, are you taking podcasting? That's out back.

That's out by the game field, by the shed where we hold our lawnmowers. It was right by the cafeteria. It was right there. Okay. Yeah, so right by the cafeteria. It was right there. Okay. So that was the classroom. And inside there was a couch. Like long tables. Kind of like these.

Just in case your grades were slipping. Yeah. And that was it. And a whiteboard. And that was it. So it started because the teacher had a star wars podcast why are all your teachers nerds because you do have some nerdy private christian school with a bunch of geeks who come back to teach at the that's what i went to you didn't have to sing

no really i had a couple hot teachers dude i had one hot teacher i had a couple hot teachers I had one hot teacher I had a couple hot teachers and it was my Spanish teacher shout out Miss Hyde by the way

okay you just you sound him all out she's not listening if she is you're married

but hey just he's got game he's got game um I had a hot um social studies slash religion teacher that she taught eighth graders.

And then we had a hot Spanish teacher that had huge jugs. I mean, mucho grande. Mucho grande. Los malos mucho grande. Los melons mucho grande. And then one of our English teachers was a total spinner. Spinner? Like a swinger? You know what a spinner is?

No. I think basically a spinner is like someone who's so small to tee that you can... Oh, you can spin them? Oh, no shit. I think I'm spinner is like someone who's so small to tee that you can... Oh, you can spin them? Oh, no shit. I think I'm using that term correctly. You might have to like Tommy Boy. But she was a spinner. Tommy Boy.

What's the Sandler movie where he goes back to school? Billy Madison. Yeah, I might have to Billy Madison Lincoln Luther or whatever the fuck. I don't think they're there anymore. Oh, shit. You know what? That'd be so fucking hilarious. You Billy Madison back to...

And go to my private school where you have to pay out the ass for tuition. So you're basically paying hundreds of dollars a month or semester or whatever to meet these hot teachers. And then you get in there. They're not there. I don't know.

Just some dude. I don't even know. Paying like seven grand a year to see some bitch hugs in a spinner. You just open the door and you're like, hola. And you're just like, you see it's like, and you're like, ay, ay, ay. Ay, caramba. Oh my God. You know what's crazy about my school?

What? Is we had a computer lab. Hey, Spencer's here. Why don't you tell us about something? No Is we had a computer lab. Hey, Spencer's here. Why don't you tell us about something? No, we had a computer lab in my high school. And never offered any, like, computer classes. The first computer I ever used was... Did you have keyboarding?

No. Do you know what I mean by that? Yeah, like, you just learn how to type. Yeah. No. Why did you have a computer lab? Was it just for, like like researching for projects and stuff? Not really.

No one really ever used it. We have 15 teachers, but we have 50 computers. Somehow it makes sense. It was to crank lab. Normally it was only... Crank lab? Yeah. There's a different kind of chemistry going on in this

just a rat rap on the floor where it just oh my god you needed a teacher's badge to get into that room I mean really the main focus of it was to watch huddle and that's about it really just for your sports teams

did your coach make you watch two hours of film? No. And then did your coach ever hit you with the

did you watch film last night? And you're like yeah. And then you realize I can go

and look at your guys' profiles and see if you're lying or not. And you're

like. Yeah I remember the online we all lied about that. And we

had to then during our lunch go to a classroom and draw out We all lied about that. And we had to then, during our lunch, go to a classroom and draw out the other team's defensive line formation and then what everybody on the O-line was doing just because we didn't watch film. And our coach was pissed.

He was like, you fuckers. Tomorrow, you'reers. Tomorrow, you're showing up in my classroom during lunch and you're drawing every fucking play that we have because you guys

don't want to fucking pay attention. If you don't, you're ruining the whole practice and we were all just shitting ourselves. Fuck.

A woman's worst nightmare. We watched 20 hours and we were just, just like, all night. I'm still stressing out I'm thinking about it now

you're fucking moving your hat all the way he's scared to this day you're not going to have

to do up downs or anything I promise the coach scared him to this day for beyond

scared straight instead of taking him to a prison they should just take him to a small school high

school football practice where every lineman is like way underside there's like one actual size all the Instead of taking them to a prison, they should just take them to a small school, high school football practice. Where every lineman's, like, way undersized. There's, like, one actual size lineman. All the linemen are the size of, like, an NFL player. Yeah, and then it's, like, then the coach is just mad because none of them can block. And it's, like, no shit. No shit.

Because we go against, like, all the other schools are on roids. Yeah, it's, like, a bunch of, like, public schools, like, 100 people on the team. Right. And, like, all their linemen are 300 pounds somehow. If you it's like a bunch of like public schools like a hundred people on the team. Right. And all their linemen are 300 pounds somehow. If you're ever playing a school that has cuts, that cuts players,

you're fucked. You are so, did your school have cuts? Hell no. We had like 30 guys on our football team. Dude, when we had, my senior year,

we had 10. What? How'd you even make a team? Because we played eight-man. You played eight-man football? Yeah. How does that work? There's only eight guys on the field.

Was it like seven on seven, but who's the extra guy? My high school plays six-man now. It's like seven on seven, but with another guy. But who's the eighth? Another guy. Isn't it typically three linemen? No, you have a center, two guards, and two ends. That's three linemen.

Well, technically the ends are linemen. Oh, so you have five linemen, six, and then a quarterback, a running back, and a receiver? Yeah, or a fullback. So you just run the eye, and that's it?

Either run the eye or a fullback. So you just run the eye and that's it? Yeah, most schools either run the eye or run the pistol. The defense is just stacked in the box. Yeah, they run a, it's called a 3-3-3. You just put. That's nine people. No. That doesn't make any sense. It's like a.

3-3-2? Yeah, it would be like a 2, it's like a 2-4-2 type thing. Two man front? No, there's like a two, four, two type thing. Two man front? No, there's three. Holy, that's wild. There would be, well, it's like a two stack because you have your end and your linebacker's a yard off of your end right behind him. And they blitz both gaps each time. My biology teacher when I was a freshman, our football coach was the biology teacher.

And he was a hard ass. And he was very old school football. We ran like the wishbone and like speed, not speed option, but like sweep. Fuck, dude, my coach was sold. We ran the triple option in the A-man. I got my ass fucking lit up every time. But one day, one day, one day, one day I forgot.

Me and another kid that were on the team forgot to do like the homework. I don't know if we forgot or didn't do it. It didn't matter. He stopped class, took us out into the hallway, and he said come see me after practice and we're going to gut you like fish on a hook. That's what he said to us.

To our faces. I'm going home. We were petrified the whole day. What was that? The first class. Oh, no. I'm done. I'm going home.

You know what was the worst? It was like the Monday after a bad loss, and you're like, the whole day, you're just like, this practice is going to be just, he's going to write me. But you have to go through the whole day. So that's what we did. And you're just thinking about it just like that. We went through the whole day. Yeah went through the whole day and it was just building. The anxiety.

It got the day ended. Me and the guy we'd see each other in the hallway and we'd give each other the side eye. What's going to happen to us? Is this my last day on earth? It might be.

We get through practice and we go up to him and we're just like, and you know your coach is always just like, oh yeah, and then he starts rubbing his face. You know that kind of thing? Like when your coach tells you to see you after practice but he's so focused that he kind of forgets about it. And then you have to remind him.

But you can't leave because then he'll remember later on and he'll go oh wait i was supposed to give a punishment workout to that person that dipped now it's gonna be way worse so you have to basically just like admit yourself and we did like 10 up downs and he's like you're good and then we're just like huh thank god And I almost think that motherfucker, and I love that guy. I love that coach. Because, and I'll get into it, but I think it was just, he was like, I'm just going to let these guys psychologically torture themselves all day

and let that be the punishment. That's the punishment, yeah. And it worked. It was. And I'm sure you turned in that homework every fucking time. I'm sure. Yeah. And that's what, okay, that's what I was going to say.

The reason I love that teacher is because I know myself. I procrastinated. If there was a lax teacher, I was going to do bad in that class. If there's a hard-ass teacher, I'm going to do well in that class because he's not going to let me do bad in that class.

And that's what I needed, so that's what I liked. I'm going to take as much leash as they're going to give me. And I'm just going to work with it. So if I'm going to do good in the class. Yeah. And that's what I needed so that's what I liked. I'm going to take as much leash as they're going to give me. Exactly. So if I'm going to do good in this class you might as well give me a short leash.

Right. It's going to suck for me at the beginning. Don't let me fuck around because I will fuck around. I will promise you I will fuck around. Right.

Did you ever have like on Mondays when your JB played like a Mother's Day practice? Like, they play each other? No, like, the people that aren't on JV, you just kind of have, like, a... Upper classmen kind of dick around. Yeah.

Work out and do a little running around things. We did that the one time my senior year. We only had three seniors, though, that played football. And we lost super bad that, though, that played football. And we lost super bad that previous Friday. And I'm thinking, fuck, dude, this practice is going to suck.

He made us run 3,500s. And he said, we're going to stay here until each one of you... Wait, wait, wait. 3,500 yard? No, like the 3,500 yard run. We just ran the entire field. 3,500 yards.

Down and back. So like down is one, back two, three, four. 3,500? Yeah, over like. Is that the whole practice? Yeah. How are you here with us? I mean, it wasn't a sprint.

He just made us run it. How long did it take? Oh, like four hours. You know the lie of it too? I mean it wasn't a sprint He just made us How long did it take Oh like Four hours You know the lie With Terry just like You're like I don't know

If I love football this much And like Yeah no He wouldn't let us go Until we puked Like What Did he have a fetish

Yeah No like he was Just so pissed Fuck I would have been Chugging water And just Dude it was so bad it

was awful like I you just like I was gonna quit but it's only helmets like it's how much yeah so no no did you ever did you ever bring it cut off and don't monkey the monkey rules we just roll on your side 100 yards oh no that was a pun like a log roll yeah just a little roll for a hundred yards no you couldn't stop and you'd get you'd stand up so dizzy you just what the fuck did you ever have to do sprint to the front. Oh, Indian runs? Yeah. Yeah. I was doing that, and my buddy, I'm a slow guy, and we did it with medicine balls, which that already weighs me down even more. And I'm, like, about to get to the front of the line,

and my buddy just starts booking it, like, just sprints. And I'm trying to catch him, and I just can't. And I probably did... You have to run in front of the guy in the front. But some asshole kid that's faster than everyone just takes off. So you all have to sprint after him. And that was the guy in the front.

So I had to catch him, give him the medicine ball. And then... But he's like, if I just stay up here then I can run without a medicine ball. What an asshole. And so it was on the track But he's like, if I just stay up here, then I can run without a medicine ball. What an asshole. And so it was on the track, and so it was like the length of the... 100 meter? Yeah, the long one.

Straight away? Yeah. And it got to a point where I was like, I can't catch him. I just threw the medicine ball at him and just went to the back of the line. I was like, you fucking piece of shit. I thought the coach was going to read me a new one. He was totally fine. He was like, yeah.

You look over and he's just laughing. Yeah, pretty much. He was like, hand in his hands, just like, oh my God. I mean, I feel like that's how football coaches are, though. A little bit of fighting. Well, it's like, as long as, because I feel like I showed that, like I was trying to catch him, and it just got to a point where it was like.

The effort was there. I couldn't run any faster. Like I was starting to slow down, and I could feel it, and I was just like, dude, fucking take the ball. Like you piece of shit. Like the effort was there. Yeah, he showed, I wasn't just like, just jogging, but it was like. Did you ever do like, I think.

If we go like this, are we going to block the view? Yeah, I think we might have to go wider. If we, did you guys do like, I think they were like this arena block the view yeah I think we might have to go why do we did you guys do like I think they were called like we call it we called it Superman runs like you had a bag like a dummy bag like 30 yards out and you'd line up with three other guys you'd like sprint to the bag. It would be like simulating like a punt or punt return because like three guys are running and the first one to touch

it is done. But like as you're running anything goes. So like you just get like blindsided. It's like how to take out half your team in one practice. Oh, yeah. No, actually. We're going to have a free-for-all.

We really didn't do. The Oklahoma drill is how you take your team out. Yeah. We got to the point where we didn't really do a lot of full contact drills in practice because we already had such limited numbers that you couldn't afford to get any guys injured that's how it was when I got to vars freshman JV was just trying to kill each other

but then you get to vars they're more concerned with getting good at football versus just smacking each other we'd wear shorts we didn't really have to wear pads and the whole helmet and jersey and shorts. But JV and Freshman was just

trying to kill each other. Absolutely. Just put a hurt on somebody. When you said... I feel like most Freshman... I'll shut up. My bad. I'm just kidding. I feel like most Freshman though... I'm glad someone's interrupting, though, they're scared to hit each other, though. Oh, yeah.

Like, there's no pop in a freshman. No, there's not. That is true. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how you fix that, too. Just don't be scared of the contact. Well, because, like, I don't know, in my head, it's like, I guess I played, like, Pop Warner when I was six or seven. I kind of just craved

the... We called it midget football. Which I don't know. I wonder if they still call it that. Politically incorrect now. I think it's called peewee. But here in Lincoln, it was called midget football. We called that too.

I've heard midget football. I don I'm saying two. No, because I've heard midget football. I don't know if it was... I've heard of Pop Warner and Pee Wee. Yeah, but

whatever. Must be a midwest thing. I like watching those videos. It's so funny watching a video that's like Pop

Warner big hits and it's like an eight second video on YouTube and it's a kid just spearing another kid and then you just hear him on

the ground go ahhhh. Dude, it's so kid just spearing another kid and then you just hear him on the ground go dude it's so funny seeing their like huge ass head it's always great the helmets are too big the size of their

torso and then it's always great and this isn't racist when they have black coaches and they all go oh

they get so hyped they get so hyped dude I had a when I played oh my god I just saw a crazy video. Huh? Yeah?

Was it peewee? It's in your face. You're so into that. I just... I just peewee hard as hell tomorrow. I just saw a crazy video on Instagram. Oh man. It was...

It was... Oh my god. It was a t-ball game. Okay, let me take you there. Oh no. It was a t-ball game. Okay, let me take you there. Oh, no. It was a t-ball game. All the kids were black, okay? Uh-huh.

That doesn't have to be funny in and of itself, but that's just worth mentioning. Okay? This little, and the caption, the caption for the video was, like, um, right fielder or whatever catches his first pop fly. Yeah. So, it's this kid, it's's t-ball so the kid winds up and he smacks the ball and the kid just kind of like

and he catches it but then everyone starts losing their minds. Everyone starts freaking out. The coaches run on the field and then all of a sudden one of the coaches runs and then he goes into a cartwheel and a backflip on the field

Like he runs to the infield And backflips into the outfield And I was watching it And I was like Over a fucking pop fly I was like yeah And I was like oh my god That guy just did a backflip

I go to those games just to see the coaches reaction Oh my god. Wow. Imagine if your coach hit a fucking cartwheel backflip. I'm going to try to find that video and show you guys afterwards. Oh my god, I was watching that. And I was sitting in the chair in my living room. Here's the thing about when I watch something funny.

If I'm watching, like, or listening to, like, a comedy, like, stand-up, if it's funny, I can think it's funny without laughing. Right, yeah. But, like, when I'm by myself. Yeah. But if something is really funny, and it makes me laugh out loud when I'm by myself, then I know it's really funny. And so I was sitting in the living room by myself

watching this video and I was like, oh my God! Like, out loud, like, what is that? But, um, um, and we can switch gears here, but before, um, I wanted to talk about

when you talked about how your coach made you guys all your linemen ride out when you weren't watching film. That reminded me of when I was at Midland. Dude, I don't know what our coaches were on, but they, I guess, had it in mind that they were going to start a dynasty. Like, it like all new coaches and and they were like they were hard set on like and Jake went to like a small

college it was mentioned more than once every meeting we were in the G pack so yeah it's real small it's below D3 they were mentioning it was not uncommon to just be in like a team meeting

and then mention we're gonna get you guys all a ring this year like they were talking like here we go our offensive coordinator I swear to god he snorted cocaine not only because his nostrils were huge and had a big nose but because he was

such high energy he he almost seemed like he was yeah it's like or it's like the pot of coffee he drank before 8am

dude I don't know but I remember there was one team meeting I don't know it might have been an offensive team meeting because they recruited

me for tight end yeah there was an offensive meeting can you imagine trying to tackle this motherfucker that's what I was talking about that one day and he said for tight end. Yeah. There was an offensive meeting. Can you imagine trying to tackle this motherfucker?

That's what I was charging to stand. I was talking about that one day and he said, well, I didn't really hit that hard. I'll show you

a picture of me when I was a freshman in college and I looked like a stick bug. I've definitely gained weight. In comparison to the

Boston Red Sox or the spicy wings, the buffalo wings. You remember that video with your dad? That was before... Is that high school? No, no, no. That was like right after college. But were you about that same size? Probably. Okay.

So I was a little smaller, but you still... Let's put it this way. I've probably gained at least 50 pounds since I was a freshman in college. As you do when you drink beer. As you do when you hang out with guys like this. But we were in a team meeting. How much have you gained?

Maybe 10. You have a tape work. You have an alien somewhere inside you. There's something in there. Maybe 10. Is he like that, you know, in Men in Black, when the guy's face comes undone and it's like the little tiny alien inside piloting? Maybe he did Is he like that You know in Men in Black When they like The guy's face

Comes undone And it's like The little tiny alien Inside piloting Have you seen that movie No I hate to do it Nevermind

I haven't seen Pulp Fiction so But there was a meeting Where the coach was like He was They I mean these guys Were dead set

On winning Okay They wanted to develop A winning A winning mentality In this program I mean that these guys were dead set on winning, okay? They wanted to develop a winning mentality in this program. I mean, that's good to have. Gotta change the culture. Gotta change the culture.

To an extent. Our coach, our offensive coordinator, was like, for our upcoming game, if you guys go... What did you just say? I was talking through a burp. For our upcoming game, he was like, I want you guys to go through and watch the film and break down everything you can. And whoever submits to me the most in-depth breakdown of the upcoming game, I will take you out for a meal. And there was an offensive lineman

that did like a 13-page manuscript typed out. And... Probably still failed his English class. Dude, I don't even know. Did he win? There was a guy...

We were having a team meeting and... Oh my god, they made, talk about making something life or death. These guys were like, these guys were like, he was like, we were having a meeting about something else, and they were like, so and so won. Like, it was obvious, like, everyone already knew he won. But he was like, he obviously won. He blew it out of the water. And he was, like, holding the manuscript and, like, waving it in front of everyone. Like, talking about, you know, probably chastising all of us about how we aren't bought in enough or whatnot.

There was a game. We had a bad game. We went in for film the next day. And they said, we're going to watch every single play of the game on Huddledle right now and break down every play and so it was like a three hour long meeting that i never stepped foot on the field so it literally did not matter for you basically no i sat there and at one point so we had a one of our receivers coaches was a former Navy SEAL. Oh, no. And, oh, my God. That guy, if he got fired up, he would just storm down. Because we would always meet in, like, the auditoriums or something at the college.

He got up and he would storm down. And he did not give a single fuck. He was like, here's verbatim one thing he would say. He's like, I've been a former Navy SEAL, so I already know I'm more of a man than all you guys. Or something like that. Fair point.

He was like, he was like, he was like, I got three kids, so I've already out fucked you guys. So I've already, I swear to you, I swear to you I swear to you

this is things that he would say he said the craziest things but honestly whenever he got up I fucking loved it because it was so exciting he got up during that meeting and walked halfway down and there was a kid on his phone and he just stopped and stood in the aisle and just stared down at him

and just waited for him to look up at him and just they made eye contact and then the Navy SEAL just turned and walked away. Oh my god. Like, kids probably skip like four beats. He was like, and he just turned and walked away. And then at another point he got fired up about something and then walked down like the lane. And then he got up in front of everyone and was just F-bombing and just spitting into the front row. He probably had a huge hog in.

Those guys dipped. And then I remember, as he was walking by me to get back to his seat in the back, I just heard him go, God, I need some goddamn heart medication. I was like, oh my God. Fuck, great. He's like, you know like the Chris Farley? I was like oh my god fuck he's like

you know like the Chris Farley like he's blood pressure just spikes whenever he gets up and rants in front of us like the

the bear skit with Chris Farley oh yeah where he's like heart attack and he's just giving himself CPR fuck me

hey I got a bone to pick with you oh no what do I do this time you charge that fucking laptop

next time? Sorry, that's my bone. Now your bone. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. Lena and I drew with Chalk yesterday, and I drew a Bears logo and a Vikings logo. It was a little bit, didn't look perfect,

but it was still pretty fucking good. And I sent a Snapchat to him, and I got no response about the Vikings logo. I drew your team's logo on my back patio with my own hands, and you didn't have shit to say about it. I said shit. That's fucking Bushland. What kind of friend you are. I said shit.

Shit. Shit. Like, is shit? That's what I'm saying right now. No. What the fuck? Like, that's nice. You know right now what the fuck like that's nice like

you know the thing with the Vikings logo I mean the Bears logo look pretty pretty good we're gonna go outside right now and look at it if you get the horse right

and like the structure we're gonna go outside right after this and look at it and you can tell me I saved it on my phone actually which is

I like the John Deere picture better he drew a I drew a little tractor little side piece a lot of shit we. I like the John Deere picture better. He drew a I drew a little tractor. A little side piece. A lot of shit we got at Happy Hollow from John Deere. I thought

I was like Uh oh. I saw John Deere. Did you do mowers and equipment or work vehicles or what? Yeah well they had

the gators so it's like the workmen and the like a work cart. Yeah. Fuck. Pretty nice.

Pretty nice. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Very nice. Very nice. Fuck. Fuck. I can just imagine how that is on the audio. I wonder what it sounds like. Shucks and dives. When you told Jake that, I pictured that meme of, like, the fish going, Oh! Yeah.

We might have to wrap this up. We're starting to get a little bit crazy. Yeah. It's getting about to have you seen Oppenheimer have you seen Oppenheimer I can't remember what else I wanted to ask you

there was definitely a handful of other things I wanted to ask you or talk about but I think I don't know should we wrap it up do you guys think

what the hell do you want to do this is your show I'm having fun I mean you are the last show I'll keep ripping if we want um I was

I was gonna you know maybe talk about like um the employee day the pool party but we can talk about that

I don't know that might take do the bosses listen to this no alright but I don't know I've told them about it

oh my boss isn't oh yeah but but that might take us another half hour and we're already going on an hour

and a half oh shit we gotta it's a good episode we gotta go yeah I think yeah we could maybe we put a pin

in this because save for the next one I think I'm planning on guys I know you're missing him probably I think Cam and I

are going to the little guy I think we're gonna record the little guy might be back this next Friday and I are going to I think we're going to record this next Friday and I've got a great fucking story to tell him

that he has no idea about what happened to me in Vegas because yes I am back from Vegas it went well but I'm going to save that wrap up to tell with Cam but I'm going to tell you right after this. Because I've got to tell Courtney too. You told me the morning after that.

I gave you the gist of it. I gave you the gist of it. But I've been reworking it. I was freaking bunkers. And he was like, dude, you will never guess what happened to me. All right. So thank you guys for coming on. Cheers, man.

Bang. I'm out. He's done on. Cheers, man. Bang. I'm out. I'm fucked up. He's done drinking. No, I'm out. We didn't quite make an actual pyramid, but we didn't want to block the shot too much. We definitely could have. Yeah, we definitely could have.

But thank you guys for watching and continuing to bear with us on some of these technical difficulties and hiccups and hurdles we've been trying to get over. You guys are continuing. Some of you are continuing to be dedicated listeners. We appreciate you. If you're friends with me on

Snapchat and you Snapchat me certain things, it makes my day when I hear that something I said made you laugh. You tell about the OnlyFans, too. That's kind of a... Subscribe to my OnlyFans, where I post tasteful nudes. Daddy Lawn Legs 69.

Then you should just put it out there that any goth girls Any goth girls if you're listening Please Let me do the talking for you Because if it's coming from yourself It's going to sound desperate But if it's coming from your buddy It's like a weed man situation here

If there's any goth girls out there listening What's your Instagram? It's Ben Holden Reach us for his phone because he doesn't know what it is. I'm pretty sure it's... He does have a great profile picture going. Any goth girls out there looking for a man to swoop

them off their feet, look up Ben Holdaway. Ben Holdaway with a zero for the O. Ben Holdaway with a zero for the O on Instagram. Again, the whole point of this podcast is trying to reach out and provide an outlet for anyone out there that might be going through it or just wants a laugh at our expense we'll get up here in front of this lackluster setup and get boozed up

and tell funny jokes at our expense and we do it for you guys and we do it day in and day out so thank you guys for watching or listening if you're listening you're doing so on Spotify or Apple Podcasts if you're watching it is on YouTube

at Graph Studies Podcast. And I think that'll do it. Thank you guys for joining me and helping me create an episode while we're in this kind of transition period with Cam moving and Bailey moving and all that shit. Good time. I really appreciate it.

I mean, it doesn't really take much to get you to just chat and drink beer. It's not like the hardest thing in the world. Thank you guys for watching. Signature Dab. I always hate doing a Dab because I never know what people are going to do. What were you going for?

Trace and I. Trace and I. Let's do a normal Dab. Is. Trace and I. So, okay. So, let's do a normal. A normal dap is this. Oh, see, I would have gone. You gotta go loud down. I would have gone like that. Okay, okay. So, you do kind of the slide into the grab.

Right. Some guys do like a grab and then that. Yeah, that's a little too much. Trace and I created what we call like, we call it the signet, like it's our little thing, but it's kind of like a white guy dap. Four? No, no, no. It's just a slap and a fist yeah okay I'm ready it's pretty it's it's white that's why we created it it's just a slap hold on they go with the

tap into the okay there's a lot of ways little hybrid of both you know what there needs to be a set in stone there needs needs to be, and maybe we'll create it. We should. There needs to be some kind of chart. We got to get rid of the awkward handshake. Because nobody knows what to do. Because sometimes you don't. Okay, that time we did it.

That was good. Well, I saw you. If I see somebody's hands. Maybe that's what it is. I mean, you just talked about it, though. If you're really good at it, you can just see that split second. Well, no, because that's what I do. I look at their hands.

But if I go like this, what are you thinking? See? That's where it's at. What the fuck? Because I'm going to have to go for a slap. So some people, but sometimes I'll force them into it. So let's go for a dab. What the fuck?

See? And then I'll force you into it. Because I'll just do it quick, so then you don't know what's going on. Yeah, now I'm going to kill myself after that. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. That was awkward as shit. Alright.

So, it's a slap and a fist. Alright, here we go. Or we can get a three-way. Ready? Wait, how do we... Wait. Should I... Wait, how do we... Wait. Should I go... Hold on.

I'm crazy. Spencer goes right-handed. I go left-handed. We sandwich you in the middle. We basically... I feel like we tennis this hand. Have you ever played tennis? Okay, let's start from the top.

From the top? From the top, yes. Oh, I usually do a... I usually do a funny quip to end it. Thank you guys for watching. Until next time, this one's for the farmers. I am strong enough to take these strings and make them mine. Can you take me higher?