Grass Daddies Podcast - Grass Daddies Podcast Episode 46: Pay the Man

Episode Date: June 25, 2024

In this Episode of the Grass Daddies Podcast, Jake is the Lone Wolf as he sits down to talk about the punishment workout he had to endure at the hands of his former football coach who was a Navy Seal. Jake also gives an update on the plans for the Beer Olympics and briefly talks about Trace's wedding. SHANKITGOLF.COM Code:grass Follow us on Social Media! Youtube: grassdaddiespodcast Instagram: @grassdaddiespodcast @kamdenwellmann @jakekillham Tik Tok: @kandenwellmann (yes that's how it's spelled) @jakekillham11

The night before, I was like, I'm so nervous, like I need to get a good night's sleep because this is going to suck so bad tomorrow. So I took a Benadryl, I went to bed, and I woke up, and I somehow missed my alarm. I rolled over kind of in a panic, I looked at my phone, and it said 6.03. And I threw the covers off me, I threw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, I flew out of my dorm, sprinted across campus. I burst in the door and my team captain is in front of the entire group doing up-downs and I was like, oh fuck. Welcome to the I'm Mr. Solo Dolo podcast. I'm Jake and I'm a grass daddy. And today I'm joined by nobody because I don't have any friends. I'm just kidding.

I'm home by myself. Lena is dog sitting and Cam is still recovering from his open heart surgery. But when they went in, they did some blood work and now he needs to have a full liver transplant but we're all hoping for a speedy recovery cam we know you can beat the odds and get back as soon as you can I'm doing something I've never done before which is sit down in front of the camera and just record myself talking I have no idea how this is gonna go normally I'm pausing for comedic laughter because I'm so funny is sit down in front of the camera and just record myself talking. I have no idea how this is going to go. Normally I'm pausing for comedic laughter because I'm so funny and the person sitting

across from me usually laughs at everything I say, so it's going to be weird not having anyone fill in those gaps and just have me talking the whole time. With that being said, I do still want to get an episode out for you guys. So here I am sitting down by my lonesome in the studio. And, um, I had an idea. I think I actually talked about this in a past episode. Um, the idea of sitting down by myself, if need be, and, uh, just cranking out an episode by like telling a story. And I do have a good story for you guys. I wanted to share

the time where I was playing football at Midland and I had to do a punishment workout for our Navy SEAL assistant coach, which was pretty crazy. But before I get into that, I wanted to just do a couple of housekeeping things, AKA announcements. I don't know why everyone always says housekeeping, but it sounds official. So that's what I said. A couple of things, I guess, just catching up on what has gone on in my life. Trace Johnny Johnson, shouts out to you if you're listening right now, just got married this weekend. Um, believe it or not, he did, uh, find someone that decided they want to be with him for the rest of their life. Um, and I think that in and of itself deserves a little round of applause. Um, no, um,

Trace was on the podcast a couple episodes ago. Sorry, that was disgusting. He was on a couple episodes ago, and he is an avid listener. He tells me he listens to quite a few episodes. Went down there, or went down to Kansas to the Tanganyika Wildlife Park. Pretty cool. It's about four hours away from where I live. We drove down there, Lena and I, packed up the old F-150 and drove down there Friday for the rehearsal. And the wedding was on Saturday.

And I was the best man, obviously. I think I mentioned that in the last episode. It was outside and it was pretty hot, but it wasn't too bad. And we were right by, um, air conditioning. So when we weren't like taking pictures or anything, we could just go back inside. So it wasn't as bad as what I thought it was going to be. Um, I, I thought it was going to be like last year, Lena was in a wedding for her friend and it was just as hot if not worse but um you know me I gotta I gotta wear something nice um so I wore like a full white shirt and like black dress pants and suspenders um and it was like around five o'clock when the sun is at its hottest of the day and the audience

was like facing towards the sun and oh my god I don't I don't think I've ever been that hot in my life it was like just sitting facing the sun and it was just beating down on the crowd and I was seriously concerned for like some of the elderly people like I thought someone was gonna croak one did. Um, but it wasn't like that at this one. Um, we were like in full tuxedos, but yeah, we were pretty close to air conditioning and the reception was in, um, was in pretty air conditioned place as well. So that, so that was really nice. And, uh, guys, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I gave a pretty good best man speech. In fact, and you can ask Lena, um, as if you would

like DM her and be like, is this true? We had a lady come up to us and she said, Hey, I've been to lots of weddings. And that was the best speech I've ever heard. Guys, I'm not bullshitting you. She said this with her own mouth to my face. I heard it. Um, I was a few beers deep, but I know what I heard and that's what she said. And I said, you should not have told me that because I'm going to tell everyone I know that, and you just inflated my ego like crazy. Um, so yeah, the wedding was great. Um, enough talking about the weather. I'm sure you guys are not, don't really give a fuck about what the weather was like. Um, the other thing I wanted to talk about again, trace, congratulations to you and Alyssa.

Um, it was a great time. Oh yeah. Um, there was a penguin that was the ring bearer that walked like some fake rings down the aisle. And there was a sloth at the reception, which was fucking sick getting to pet a sloth. Are you kidding me? And, um, when we went through the line, I asked the lady, I was like, do you love your job? And she's like, yeah, that's pretty good. I mean, I was like, you're holding a sloth. Like, of course you'd love fucking love your job. And she's like, yeah, that's pretty good. I mean, I was like, you're holding a sloth. Like, of course you love fucking love your job. And he was kind of eyeing me. Cause I think he might've thought I was a tree and wanted to climb me. And she was like, oh yeah, he loves tall people. Um, but yeah, so again, congratulations. The wedding was great. It was fun. The other thing I wanted to talk about was the Beer Olympics.

I think it officially is going to happen, guys. I know Lena and I teased it in the last episode. She got pretty psyched. She's getting pretty psyched about it. I mean, the whole way back from Kansas, she was, like, on a notepad, like writing down stuff to get people to invite. Um, like we're, we're planning on going all out for this. Like we want to have referees. We want to film it and post it on the grass studies podcast channel on YouTube. Um, and just literally go all out, like do the whole like confessional room, like interview, like, if you've seen on, like, Jersey Shore, where they, like, they interlace it, or kind of like the office, where they, like, interlace, like, when a scene is happening, and then it cuts to,

like, one member of the cast, like, in a little interview room, we want to do shit like that, have referees, um, we're planning on going all out for this, so if you're a friend of mine and a listener, or if you're a friend of mine listening to this and you want to be a part of it, whether you want to compete or you want to like help out in some form or another, I think we already have like three people that said they would referee.

So we don't really need any referees, but maybe help filming or just or just if you want to come over and hang out. If you're a friend of mine listening to this and you want to be a part of it, just reach out to me like DM me or if you have my number, text me or if you have my Snapchat, snap me. So, yeah, I think we're planning on doing that not this weekend, but the following weekend. So that would be Saturday, July 6th. So mark your calendars. If you would like to be involved, um, again, reach out to me or Lena, I guess if you, um, don't have my number, but have hers for some reason, I don't know who listening would. Um, anyways, I don't know how long this episode is going to be. Um, it's kind of weird not having someone sitting across from me, but, um, and I thought

about not doing a video element cause I'm kind of like looking down and up and down and left and right and whatnot. Cause I'm trying to like think about what i want to say so but you know what sometimes you got to step out of your comfort zone and you gotta you gotta risk it to get the biscuit so to speak with that being said um the mini fridge is still here even though it's just me and uh i wonder what it provided for me oh look at that nice and refreshing on uh it was actually like 106 degrees today so uh well happy dad not sponsored um that would be pretty cool if we were sponsored um because actually i'm kind of surprised the mini fridge was able to get these because they're not even available where i live so if you didn't think the magic mini fridge was able to get these because they're not even available where I live so if you didn't think the magic mini fridge was able to pull strings like that then this should be the

proof for you happy dad watermelon give a little swaller wow this episode is fucking weird um because I don't have anyone to fill the void for me. Um, but I guess I'll just have to do more editing with that being said, guys, I would like to, uh, dive in to the story, um, of the punishment workout I had to do for my Navy SEAL coach. So I've talked about it off the air with a couple people, but, um, basically when I was at Midland, the coaches were all new. It was like a whole new coaching staff, new head coach, new assistants, and they were taking it so seriously. They were like trying to instill a winning mentality. Like it was not uncommon to, well, basically every single practice or meeting they were talking about, we're going to get you guys a ring, like a championship ring.

Um, and this was the GPAC conference or no, NAIA, whatever the fuck. It was not a super high level. Um, but they were taking it fucking seriously. And so any practice and meeting, they were on our ass about everything. I mean, it was, they were very strict. It was no, no bullshit, like no, obviously no, um, drinking. Um, if you were under age, even for like the upperclassmen, they were like, took a vow of no drinking for the season. And the coach was very against weed. He'd stand up in front of us and be like, no marijuanas at all. Like he was kind of a cringe dad but um yeah they were they were not fucking around and um so um and I'm not gonna go into the whole my tenure there but basically my freshman year I

didn't play um I didn't even practice because I had broke my wrist um but once my freshman year ended um well I guess technically it was the second semester of my freshman year ended, um, well, I guess technically it was the second semester of my freshman year. So once the football season was over in the fall, after winter, winter break, it was time for spring ball. So given that this was like a small college, it's not like high school sports. If you're here, you're here just for football and the coaches are getting paid to be coaches they're not like teachers they're not like

biology teachers that are like got done grading papers and then going to out to the practice field for another three hours at the end of their day like they're sleeping, and breathing football constantly. So they are wholeheartedly bought into this program. And what they implemented for spring ball was they set aside certain guys to be captains and each captain chose I don't know how they did it if they did it like a draft style or what but basically everyone on the team ended up on a smaller team where there was a captain and they chose like five other guys to be on their team um I'm sure I was probably like last pick because nobody probably even hardly knew who I was because I like didn't practice or do anything freshman year. But the team I ended up on, um, I think, I think it had a senior as a captain. Um, and there was a couple guys that were like wrestlers.

So the wrestlers were a little bit um they were a little bit more lenient towards those guys because they were in a separate season of their own so they didn't really expect them to be able to like go to wrestling practice and then be diligent about making like football practice or whatever but um so the coaches devised for the spring. They divided the team up into separate smaller teams. And we all had to meet. Every single player had to set up a meeting with the coaches. And I'm sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself a little bit.

To give you an idea of how strict these coaches were, and this is where the punishment workouts come in. The punishment workouts were common and they were called pay the man. So if you were late for a meeting, late for a practice missed. Um, I, I think even the coaches were like, if we find out you missed a class without, um, emailing your professor, then you had to, they're like, you have to go see coach Riggins, um, and pay the man. That's what they said. And so, so that was in the back of everyone's mind so they um throughout spring ball every all the coaches would sit down and one by one all these different players would come in and meet with the coaches and these coaches were like when's the last time you drank when's the last time you smoked weed who do you think is the person you look up to most on the team who do you think on the team um is like dragging us down the most or like needs the most improvement like i

shit you not these guys were dead ass fucking serious and they were they were not i mean they were just not bullshitting um some might say a little too extreme, but, um, so each player had to schedule this meeting to have with the coaches. And if one of your, the other thing I need to add to is if one of your guys on your team fucked up, then everyone on your little team had to do pay the man. So there was one day where there was a bunch of guys. There was like a deadline to get the meetings done. And there was a bunch of guys that hadn't got them done yet. Well, there was one team meeting where right before they wrote, they had a list of all the guys names who missed. And they wrote it up on the whiteboard, the last names of the guys who missed their meeting.

So that means there was a list of five or six names. And so they basically were like, all right, everyone look up on the board. If you see one of your teammates' names up there, that means you have to do pay the man. And of course, one of my guys' names was on that. you have to do pay the man and of course one of my guys names was on that so I was like fuck and I think it was like either the next day it might have been the next day so I was like oh fuck um so I was really nervous for this and they're like report to the indoor track at at 6 a.m and this is early spring so it's like in the mornings it's like fucking cold still like it's damn near feels like winter still the night before i was like i'm so nervous like i need to get a good night's sleep because this is gonna suck so bad tomorrow so i

took a benadryl um which makes you drowsy if you didn't know that So I took a Benadryl, um, which makes you drowsy if you didn't know that. And I took a Benadryl and I went to bed and I woke up and I somehow missed my alarm. I woke up, I rolled over kind of in a panic. I looked at my phone and it said 603 and I threw the covers off me. I threw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, um, because we had to wear Midland colors to any workout. And I threw on a pair of shorts, threw on a t-shirt, workout shirt, and I just sprinted across. I just, I flew out of my dorm and I sprinted across canvas to the indoor track. Did I say canvas? I meant campus. Sprinted across campus to the, to the track, to the field house. I burst in the door and my team captain is in front of the entire group doing up downs. And I was like, Oh fuck. Has he just been doing up downs ever

since like practice started and I didn't show up. How long was he going to keep doing up downs if I didn't show up? So there's like 30 or 40 guys here. There's so many guys that had to come to this, uh, pay the man workout. And to my credit, I still showed up. You know, I could have, I could have just saw that I was late and been like oh fuck I'm just gonna like act like I'm sick or fucking I don't know my dog died or something because I'd I'd rather not show up late but I was like I gotta go so I sprinted across and as I was running in the door I just opened the door didn't even look at anyone and I just like ran to the back of the group that were like watching my team captain do up downs and like fell in kind of like a military like fell in line

and to my credit and I think my the coach Riggins the Navy SEAL knew that and was like good job Jake like but but what he meant was like thanks for not pussing out and actually showing up. Like, you could have been a pussy, but you were a man about it and showed up anyways, even though you're late. Because it was obvious I was late. Because if I didn't want to come, I wouldn't have came. It was obvious I overslept or something. But I still came.

So, basically, they just start putting us through a shitty ass workout of like constantly doing pushups, up, down, sit ups, just like hardcore calisthenics, just relentlessly. And they're standing over us and yelling at us. And the Navy SEAL coach is like, if you need to rest, there's only a couple different acceptable positions for resting when you're doing pushups. Um, and this goes on for like a good half hour or so, felt like forever, and then we all, it kind of came, it kind of ended, and he, it seemed like it was over, and then he goes, get a quick drink of water and meet me outside in two minutes.

And I was like, outside? It's like 32 degrees up. Like, it was like borderline freezing outside. And I was like, had I known this, I would have like thrown on a hoodie or something. I'm wearing like a thin t-shirt and real short shorts. Because that's what they gave us to work out. And so I went outside and we're all kind of standing there with our group and they're like yelling at us to line up. And like, we didn't do it fast enough. Uh, like we weren't getting lined up and organized fast enough. And he just yelled, everyone drop on the ground and start rolling around. Now this was on the old practice field, which was grass field. And the

grass was like this long. It was like four inches long and it was just total frost. So he yells, everyone get down and just start rolling around. Like it wasn't like do log rules from here to there. It was like, just start rolling around back and forth. Basically, basically he was like, just lay down and start torturing yourself. Um, so then he made us all get in the line and whichever teammate that caused us to be there, I'm sure you've all heard, uh, the David Goggins, who's going to carry the boats thing that, that it's become a meme now, but it was a real thing where Navy SEALs would have to like lift boats up over their heads and, um, like they're like life rafts or inflatable boats or whatever the fuck they were. Um, I'm sure they weren't light. Um, but

we didn't have boats in this, in this case scenario, what we had was our teammate that caused us to be there. And so they were going to have us treat them like a boat. So what we had was our teammate that caused us to be there and so they were going to have us treat them like a boat so what we had to do was we had to lay on the ground and our teammate laid across our chest and we all had to as in tandem do us do sit-ups with our teammate laying across our chest that caused us to be there. So we did that for a while. That fucking sucked. Also, at this point, I'll add in that because some wrestlers were out of season, like didn't have to be there because they were in their own season, that means some guys had a smaller

team to help them, which was my team. There was like four of us to do sit-ups with the one guy because one of the wrestlers was in the wrestling season. And then there was other teams that had like six guys to do it with like a little tiny running back. So it wasn't fair, quote unquote, for every team in terms of the workload but yeah so then the other thing after the sit-ups we had to stand up and we had to hold our teammate our teammate was like laying across in the air and we had to hold them and then when the coach would say up boat we had to lift them up over our head. So we're holding a person up in the air with our arms fully extended.

Now keep in mind, we just did like 30 minutes of pushups. So all of our arms are dead, just jelly arms. So he would say up boat, and we'd lift him up over our head, and then he'd say down boat, and we had to move him down and hold him back at our side again we did this several times and then we got into the up boat position that's what they called it get in the up boat position so we had to hold them up over our head and then he was like just start walking so we're walking across this practice field it's dark it's like 6 a.m in the winter sun doesn't come up for another couple hours so we start walking and he's periodically telling teams to you're good

stop you're good stop um after we walk for like 50 yards carrying this guy over our head. So we all stop. Eventually we all meet in the middle again. I thought it was going to be over. Um, because I am freezing cold. I mean, I'm in shorts and a t-shirt. I just rolled around in frost. My arms are dead. Um, because we were just doing pushups and up downs for the last 40 minutes. Um, so we all meet in the middle, like we're having a breakdown or whatever. We think it's going to be over. And then he goes, all right, now we're going to do the tunnel of love. So what the tunnel of love is, is every single person that's out there has to get in a line on the ground. So you're doing, so you're in a up-up position, shoulder to shoulder with guys on either side of you,

up push-up position, and whoever is in the first, whoever's first in line on the furthest, let's say to the left, let's say we're all facing this way, straight on, whoever's furthest, first in line on the left, has to crawl underneath every single person who's in the up push-up position crawl all the way to the end and then once you come out the other side then you reform the line and get back up in the up push-up position and you don't stop until everyone goes through again there's like 50 guys here like damn near half the entire football team was here. And my arms were so tired I kept dropping. And my hands are buried in frost.

Because the ground is covered in frost. Long grass that's covered in frost. My hands are down in it. My shoulders are on fire. My hands are freezing. It comes My shoulders are on fire. My hands are freezing. It comes my turn. I keep dropping. And the guy next to me is like trying to encourage me.

Like, come on, man, get up. And he ends up like taking his shirt off. Like this was like survival. Like we were, he took his shirt off to put his hands on so that his hands wouldn't be in the frost. But he's also shirtless in like 30 degree weather. Like this was the extent we were going to. I remember when it was my turn to crawl underneath. My inner thighs.

Because I was like, you have to like army crawl. And all these guys are dying. They're all like dropping down. They're barely staying up. So there's, you're like literally army crawling. Because the guys above you are like dropping so low. Because everyone's dying. And my like inner thighs are like pushing off. I'm basically crawling through snow.

And I was like, I damn near thought I was going to get frostbite. My legs were so cold. My forearms. My entire arms. I'm wearing a t-shirt. So I'm crawling underneath all these guys. It was literally hell. Hell had frozen over.

So I finally get to the end. I'm back up in the push up position. Suffering again. I finally get to the end I'm back up in the push-up position suffering again um and I remember at one point he he was and the whole time the coaches are yelling and all this it's just total chaos and at one point the Navy SEAL coach was like, if you want to, if you don't want to be here, just quit. And this one kid got up and left during the middle of this workout, quit football. He got up and left. Um, and I was just like, Holy shit. Like I would never have gotten to that point, but it was horrible. I mean, I don't know.

I don't know if I was really thinking about it or considering it, but it was, I could, I could understand why that kid quit. I definitely could understand why. Um, and then the real bitch of it is we were done like five minutes after he walked. So that ended, that was fucking crazy, and the kid ended up coming back, he, it was kind of, it was kind of like he quit the practice, and unofficially quit the team, but he ended up coming up and standing in front of the team um after one practice and basically was like hey guys I'm sorry I walked out on you like kind of apologizing for leaving during the pay the man

and he was like I'm gonna take some time to like focus on my school work right now like he he kind of like he kind of quit but kind of was like I'm taking a break I don't know it was fucking weird but um yeah those practices were no joke and those pay the man workouts were no joke dude like they were trying to instill such a winning mentality there was lots of um like competition based activities we did during our practices because they were like, they wanted us to be cutthroat. Like I remember there was one spring practice where they were doing, um, they were doing like fumble drill or a ball security where essentially the, it would be what kind of awkward position can we put the offensive guy in to make him fumble while the defensive guys are just punching the ball?

Like, we had to, like, stand on one foot and hop back and forth over, like, a bag that was on the ground. While the defensive guy, like, while a linebacker was just standing there throwing haymakers at your gut trying to get you to fucking fumble. And then whoever won got to watch the other team do up downs like obviously the offense lost it was such bullshit and yeah there was there was one spring practice morning practice where we were doing all these competitions like a broad jump and like a shuttle run where you have to like run uh like five back ten back or whatever and like jesus christ i just fucking almost kicked the camera over and like if you won you gotta like watch everyone else do up like the whole thing they always said it pays to be a winner it pays to be a winner um yeah the the coaches were to their credit we did fairly well like I don't think we won a championship

um but we were kind of a good team like we were kind of stomping people that we, that we played against. Um, and another, another thing to put in perspective of how, how, um, cutthroat they were, they would count. So if you know the term loafing around, meaning like being lazy or like not trying hard, That was a term used in football, loafing. And what they would do was they would go and watch game film. And they would have the tight ends coach would watch the tight ends. The receivers coach would watch the receivers. And they would count the loaves on every single play so for each

player and then they would tally them up and then at the next practice they'd be like all right offense you have 35 up downs defense you have uh 40 like they would make you do an up down for every single time a player on the team like jogged of sprinted when the ball wasn't near them. So I could probably keep going on, but for whatever reason, my computer charger decided not to work anymore. And so my computer, I've been watching the battery slowly go down this whole time. And I don't want to fucking lose this episode. So you guys are going to get a shorter one today. Only about half the length of what we normally post. But at least I got you something.

So, again, Beer Olympics, Saturday the 6th. Pray for Cam, who's in the hospital. hospital not really i just like giving him shit um yeah congratulations to trace and alissa on getting married and uh that was my story guys um let me know how you guys like this format uh comment or come up to me if you're a co-worker of mine tell me what you thought of it and maybe we'll do more and I know I have a lot of stories I could tell and I could go in a lot more detail on some of these once I have a fucking working charger again technical difficulties guys are a big bugaboo and we can't avoid them for some reason so But I am going to get this out to you guys. It's a shorter episode.

So take it or leave it. Hope you enjoyed it though. Yeah, let me know what you guys think of this. Leave a comment or something. If you have a suggestion for something you want us to talk about or if you have any questions, comment or DM me or whatever. All that good shit. Thank you guys for listening on Apple or Spotify. That's where we have our audio only. I am doing this video element so you can watch if you want

to watch me talk to the camera by myself. Um, then you can go on YouTube at grass studies podcast. Um, Oh, I did have someone ask me about merch. Um don't have merch, but Bailey made Cam a Grass Daddy's podcast shirt. And if you want to see what it looks like, go to my Instagram. Not my. Our Instagram at Grass Daddy's podcast because I just posted a video of Cam drinking mimosas and wearing that. It was a pretty funny video. You'll want to go check that out. And yeah.

If you like that. And if that's actually a thing people want. Is a little Grass Daddy's podcast shirt. Or tank top. Then let us know that too. And maybe we can see if we can get Bailey in the sweatshop. And start cranking out some shirts. On her little cricket.

But anyways guys. Thank you for listening. If you've listened to this point, I hope you enjoyed the story because I certainly did not enjoy the time that I spent doing it. I think that's all I got for you. Thank you for listening or watching or doing both. Get your hand out of your pants. Until next time, I'm not going to dap up time I'm not gonna dap up myself maybe I will dap up myself bow until next time don't quit early

because you never know how close the finish line is boom that's a good one thank you guys.