Grass Daddies Podcast - Grass Daddies Podcast Episode 5: Put me in coach!

Episode Date: August 21, 2023

In this episode of the Grass Daddies Podcast, the boys conduct a very scientific expirment wherein they measure the liquid capacities of their mouths to gain a better understanding as to why Jake can drink beer so fast. The conversation later veered into their various sports injuries; Jake's unfortunate turns of events which kept him off the field as well as Kam's numerous head injuries, which perhaps explains a few things... Follow us on Social Media! Youtube: grassdaddiespodcast Instagram: @grassdaddiespodcast @kamdenwellmann @jakekillham Tik Tok: @kandenwellmann (yes thats how it's spelled) @jakekillham11

Choose the right mailbox. Return to sender. Welcome to the Oh my God, these guys again. Podcast. That's Camden reese wellman i'm jacob carl killam and we are the grass daddy's baby baby let's jump right into it let's jump right into it um what do you want to beer menu tonight because i'm thirsty well i got a leftover from dinner little appetizer little mill little Miller Lite appetizer. Bushlight.

Ferta. Ferta, boys. Ferta Farmers. Farm Rescue. Ferta. Farmers. Rescue. Should we do our little experiment right off the top? Sure. How are we going to do that? How are we going to use water?

Well, should we just do beer? I feel like it's going to be kind of gross. And the girls don't know what this is. Oh, yeah. Maybe we should do water because it might be kind of gross. But I am going to wet my whistle first. so um while we were cooking dinner um before we recorded um i drank a beer rather quickly and i said this is why i don't need a koozie which is something i talked about in a previous episode and i was like look at what a 12 ounce can looks like in my hand and you're like you should just start drinking tall boys so it just looks normal

i'm like i'm telling you man it doesn't take very long for me to drink a can and then i was like i wish there was a way we can measure our mouths pause um and so i had the idea what if we just like took some water and just poured in what we thought was like a normal sized drink and spit them into a little cup and just compare. Okay. So I've got a couple of glasses here and I'll go first. Okay. I'll just take, well, maybe we should do a beer cause it's like, you know what I mean?

It might be kind of gross because we're going to be spitting it into the glasses jeepers so do you want to take this back jeepers so there you go so crack yours open and just hard crack soft crack hard crack hard hard crack, soft crack, hard crack, hard, hard crack. Just take like a normal drink. And. Okay. That's a little foamy And I probably could have went more

I feel like that's a noticeable Maybe not noticeable but like You can see there There's a little bit more in this one Than this one Now I don't know what we should do with these Should we guzz them off camera?

Get rid of the evidence. Now, now put it there. Put as much in your mouth as you can before you're, like, spewing it out. Okay. So we can, like, measure the capacity of our mouthfuls. Okay. Okay? This is for science, people.

This is a question that needs answered. So pour Okay? This is for science, people. This is a question that needs answered. So, pour as much into your mouth as you can. Might have had a little come out

my nose there. Holy shit. Did you drink the whole can? I just poured as much in my mouth as I could. My eyes are watering a little bit dude i'm telling you that's why i can drink so much but our sip like our ratio is about the same how much like yeah my normal drink first how much i

can fit in my mouth it's about the same difference so if any of you are wondering out here, this is how big Jake's mouth is. A 6'6 man can just fucking drink a beer at 6'12". It's about... Well, I really wish we had a liquid measuring cup. So I could see how many ounces my mouth is. How many ounces is your mouth? Well, let me tell you. I can tell you how many inches your mouth is.

Up and down or front to back front to back so let's get these out of here all right that was a fun little experiment oh yeah now we know why i can drink so much so quickly i it's not my fault it's my anatomy all right i must say when we were coming over here i had a really bad stomach ache i got that first beer in the way out of the way feel like a brand new man it like set your stomach at ease yeah you're saying yeah that i think that means you're dependent you may have an alcohol dependency i think that's what that's called i could be wrong the other night i was just pounding a few beers i don't know why i just got home they sounded good

just the average tuesday night really gets home she like, You didn't drink my high noons, did you? My girlfriend sounds nothing like that. I can attest. She does not sound like that. Like an Alabama fucking... Like just a swamp witch that just smokes a pack a day. Works at... You didn't drink my high noons, did you?

Works at a truck stop gas station. Anything else for you, honey? Have you ever had one of those gas station attendants that calls you honey or deer? Dude, when we went on our Tennessee trip, there was this lady. I'm an African-American lady. Okay. And, oh, my God god she was the funniest fucking lady ever

bailey was like in the bathroom and i was getting our snacks and she's like talking to this guy in front of her and she he's like she's like where are you traveling to he's like i'm a truck driver. So. I don't know. I don't know what he's getting at. And then I get up there with all my snacks and I'm just fucking plopping snacks after snacks on the table. What were you plopping down? Do you remember?

What's your go-to? I don't know. A little bit of everything. Lately, it's been Skittles gummies. Dude. Those are so good. But all snacks are Skittles gummies dude but i'll snack some skittles some doritos sweet and salty fucking star crunch or like zebra cake or yeah i love a star or lifesaver gummies or usually usually you can't go wrong with some peachos for me

these are just what i go i love twin bings also that's my that's the rudy kill him in me love a twin being fuck that what cherry mash well twin being it's the same thing but twin being is the brand i'm just good fuck what you talking about nasty um so what's your go-to wait what's your go-to soda like if you're gonna have to like pick a soda like after a hot day what are you picking bang no i'm just i'm off those bangs i'm out i'm drinking that black coffee dude i think it's definitely helping like i haven't really been having much heartburn laying off that carbonated drink i really don't drink that much pop but if i'm going to the gas station i'm getting a pop i'm always been a pepsi guy so i love me a straight stick

pepsi maybe a cherry pepsi if i'm feeling a little wily but you can never go wrong with like a mountain dew kickstart i like a mountain dew kickstart because it's got a little bit feels a little bit healthier even though it's basically just still soda because it's like got some fruit juice in there i'm caught between i'm usually a pepsi guy but every once in a while i'll go to coke i've been on a diet sam's cola lately which is neither of those because it's cheap hey cheap and dirty and i'm broke it's the little caesars of pizza what of uh of soda oh there you go i was like little caesars of pizza what does that mean so i'm really glad that we didn't get canceled yet from our previous episode if you didn't go and watch we had ourselves a great old time and i told

the craziest story you might say one could ever tell and um if for whatever reason this is your first episode and you want to go back and listen but just listen to the story it's about 44 minutes in um i put that in like the description too Because there was a lot of people I was saying, you got to go listen because I tell a crazy story. I was like, if you don't want to listen to the whole thing, it's about 44 minutes in. Because I'm not just going to be like, nope, you got to listen to the whole thing. It's like, if you're just here for the story, 44 minutes. That's good. I still fucking hate you.

I don't know why. You got to go listen. I'm telling you. I'm going to sneak in your house and punch you so hard. You'll wear it right in the nuts. I had a lot of people, and by a lot I mean like two or three people, like message me on Snapchat like, oh my god, this story is crazy. And I'm like, did you finish it? And then like ten minutes later they're like, I hate you.

Oh, man. is crazy and I'm like did you finish it and then like 10 minutes later they're like I hate you oh man I had a couple people um shouts out to all of you who are either my friend or family that have been listening to this podcast I fucking love you and thanks for supporting I've had a couple people that are just like dude that's awesome and a couple people are like I want to be a guest and one person's like you should tell this story yeah your family's so i was gonna talk about this we can talk about a story that happened on a different because it's gonna take a lot of time but my family has a really weird way of sharing love when i call my brother it's not hey what's up dude it's what's up you fucking dipshit oh i thought you're i was kind of scared what you were gonna say because a lot of those words aren't accepted nowadays but yeah in my dad it's just what's up asshole or half the time i call him like what'm like, what's up, you drunk piece of shit?

Dude, your need for calling people when you're drunk is this. That's how our family shows love. You can even ask my girlfriend. Our family does not say shit nice to each other, really. Our way of showing love. Do you call each other sober, though? Or is it usually like, I'm three streets to the wind i call my dad what's up day after work i just wanted to remind you that i love you it's like wow you needed to get drunk to say that i really really appreciate it we have like a tough love like yeah love is earned yeah not given in this family

yeah you were born well you gotta earn it yeah i mean you were an accident anyway so you gotta prove yourself god damn it mailman jim anyways um... You said you were just dropping off a letter. That's the wrong mailbox. Sometimes you stick mail in the wrong mailbox. Life lessons with Cam. We could be a slogan for fucking Plan B or something.

Choose the right mailbox. Return to sender. I was gonna... I was one... Okay, this whole time I was wanting to lead into something that my friend said that I should tell. Which is not nearly as funny now, but I'm gonna say it anyways. I don't know if I should even say it now because it sounds so stupid. Say it.

He was like, my friend that went to Midland with me, he was like, you should talk about the leaf picker-upper. The leaf picker-upper. Yeah, so we just got done with class. And for whatever reason, his reaction to this just fucking killed me because we just got out of class we walked out the side door he walks out the door and i see him turn and he just goes no shit and i walk down the hallway and look outside and there's just like it wasn't quite like a riding mower but it wasn't just like a lawn vacuum or maybe it was something in between but it was just this guy like riding and

just sucking up leaves in the lawn or like the the grass outside like the hall or whatever i've seen like the toro ones that they just but he was riding on it yeah i wonder if it's kind of the same thing they just like they like it's like a big vacuum and they suck them up, but then it gets like the motor and it mulches it up and disperses it into like a bag. Yeah, it must have been something like that. But he just walked outside and he just went, no shit. No shit. For whatever reason, I'm just like, what?

That fucking killed me. Shouts out to Brooke. I love you. I'm glad you made that full full recovery he'll know what i'm talking about i don't want to share that whole story on here but if you are listening to this part love you buddy um another uh grass related thing that kind of funny happened today that i wanted to talk about um when i was on the sprayer and i was spraying the practice green jimmy was out staging carts and you know how he likes to say something whenever he rolls by and he goes

um what are you spraying and i'm like i hate whenever someone rolls up on me and is like what are you spraying because it's just like you really want me to tell you what i'm spraying i was like i was like dark action he's like kind of look at me i'm like fungicide iron wetting agent fertilizer and he's just like i had some of that dollar disease in my lawn he's like i was like oh yeah and he's just like i killed that motherfucker just like oh there you go yeah he's telling me because i was changing cups on 17 one day and he was putting flag prices out before a tournament and he came up he's like so what is all that dead like the brown grass and i was like well some of its heat stress and some of its dollar spot he's like well how do you tell the difference i'm like something i just learned this year because i've never really paid attention like that closely that dollar spot gets mycelium on it so i was

telling him that and then i like showed it to him he's like oh i got some of that in my lawn yeah the reason why he's asking is because he's got something in his lawn and he wants advice on what to do. And he was going, and he went, Mother of Mary. No, he goes, Mother of Mercy. And then he goes, it's going to come back? And I was like, well, no. And I'm like, well, don't overwater. And he's just like, uh-oh. And he's like, that's your fault.

You didn't tell me sooner. I was like, yep, don't overwater. He's like, how do i take care of it i'm like just spray spray fungicides for it and he's like okay and he said fungicide which i thought was funny but and he's shortly after i told him that he's like yeah i killed it i was like took care of it i was like geez he's like yeah how do you fix it i'm like well he's like i'm just gonna overseed it this fall when i aerate i'm like there you go i would like to tell a funny um grass related story i don't tell me i don't know if any of you guys know any of you listeners know how small bit grassy this they don't know but boys it a pain in the ass to spread when it's would be so earlier i was filling our little spreader right well i tried to dump it

with the bag still in the bucket while seed fell on the outside lip of the bucket and i dumped like a bucket like probably two quarts of seed just in one spot it's just a pile so i just grabbed the backpack blower and i was just for clarification the seed he's talking about is so fine that you could spread it through a salt shaker it's that fine yeah like your typical grass seed you think about is kind of you know you have a little handful of it and it's kind of coarse but like this stuff is like you pick it up and it feels like flour it's like flour yeah honestly but and then so later on our boss rolls up and goes i was like you want to spread this today and he's like yeah just play the wind i'm like all right i'm gonna play 15 foot on this side

and two inches on the right. It's a pretty heavy particle. We had, like, four sod strips, and it was, like, the left side was just all the way over, and I had, like, this much to the edge of the sod strip that I was, like, in, and it was, like, barely hitting the edge. I'm like, jeepers. It was coming out so fast, I was like, run, because it was just, like, just plopping down onto the ground. Not even spreading hardly.

There was a couple times where the spinner just quit spinning. Like it was getting clogged up? Because it's just a shit spreader. It's just a shit spreader. It just stopped spinning. And I just looked back and there was just fucking pines. Mother of mercy. Anyway.

So did you like my, uh, the picture of my wedding fit? Yeah. Did I look like a stone cold killer? Dude, I think you should get some black glasses and put a little piece of tape on there. You look like Steve Urkel. What?

I thought I looked dressed to kill. Because this was my goal Okay We're in Target You know Okay I came home I pounded like some cold coffee

Had a few beers in me And so I was feeling a little You know I was a little how you going I was a little how you going We get to Target cause I gotta Cause got to get my wedding outfit for this weekend. You're going to like this story. And so I was being all weird, as I sometimes am, and just annoying the shit out of Lena.

And so we find my white shirt and a belt, but we couldn't find pants. But I was telling her, like, we were deciding on what color of shirt I wanted or what color of pants I wanted. I didn't know if I was going to be maybe pants or gray pants or black pants. We're looking at different colored shirts. And I was like, I don't want. I was like, I want a white shirt. I don't want some, like, powder blue. Like, oh, look at me in my

nice shirt like or like a little design like huh look i just came from church no i totally not want to look like an italian assassin you know white shirt like an og black tie black suspenders black hair black mustache i went like this i was like i want to look like an italian assassin i do that's that's the name of my outfit i'm going for the italian assassin and then i said i said when i walk in there i want people to feel unsafe ed ratis i said that this guy was walking by and he just goes this kid was walking by and he heard me say that and he started laughing he's like i do now i was like when i walk in there i want people to feel unsafe i don't even know what that means but that's what i said that dude i think no one can go wrong with an all black all black setup well if you're johnny cash or you're

going to a funeral that's acceptable i like the white shirt black tie look i do respect you for the bow tie looking sharp the italian assassin okay if you had to pick a tie are you a big like the girthy tie or either like a little pencil tie like for a regular tie yeah i don't know i don't even think i have any ties i think the one or two ties i have are like slim slim ties like isn't that what they're called slim yeah like the smaller ones and then they make some that are like fucking this like this fucking wide i'm like that looks so stupid yeah i don't know what that is it's kind of goofy it looks like the old principal tie they just fucking it's like who are you trying to impress here you look like a dipshit yeah uh yeah i don't know um it's kind of my go-to

white shirt black bow tie black suspenders see i fuck with some spenders dressed to kill baby tell you i fuck with some spenders my girlfriend's always like you're not wearing fucking spenders again that swamp witch she's coming back she said i don't call them spenders dude my grandpa's got the fucking dope is spenders really yeah he's got some leather spenders that just got like hooks you know like them fancy hooks where you push them like you don't like unclip them like you just like pull the lever back and it's like two teeth it's like two deals that go like this and when you pull the letter back they just go like this i think that's what i have

no like they're like hooks like they like hook his belt loop oh no i don't have those they're not like the ones that like this like the clamp oh they're like just like hooks that'd be kind of nice dude there's his so funny my grandpa you gotta meet him he's so fucking he will crack you up i'd love to meet him he just had a quadruple bypass last year damn yeah still kicking yeah he's a savage he's a wellman the other thing that i said so we only got a shirt and belt and then as we were checking out i was like low-key in the back of my mind i was hoping the cashier lady would help direct us to a different store because we couldn't figure out where we wanted to um go to get the other stuff we're like should we go to like von mar that's gonna be really expensive should we go to like i don't know um and then and then we were like i think that might have been one of the

things we were talking about and i was like i don't know where i'm gonna i don't know where else i'm gonna you know i was like kind of and uh her name was Amy which is my mom's name and she was like you should go to Kohl's I'm just like see I knew I was like I knew it I could tell she's a mom she's like my mom she was like I always um Jesus Christ. He's Timber. She's like, I always get my son's stuff there. And I was like, see, I knew it. I knew she was a mom. And my mom's name is Amy, too.

I knew she would know where to go. And so we went over to Kohl's, got my pants, got some new shoes. And I was like, I really want to get these shoes because I like the way they look. And I was like, maybe wear some, like, no-show socks, you know, show a little ankle. And then I was being weird again. And this time we were standing in line there's other people right next to us and by this point she had to be over my shit lena and i'm like because if i'm showing it i was like if i'm showing ankle that means like it reminded you're going mud and later no what the fuck no it's like i said it's like when you go in to rob a place without wearing a mask because if you go in without wearing a mask

someone's gonna die because if you keep your mask if you keep your face covered you can go in and get out because they don't know who you are but if you go in no mask don't think you'll get away with that but it's the same thing with when you're showing ankle like if you let someone see their your ankle and they look down they're like oh should he show me his ankle i need to be careful not really but it made me think of this um i saw this video on facebook of these guys that were like gambling cheaters. And they had all these crazy stories about how they would, like, cheat. And it was, like, in their interview, they were wearing masks. And they had, like, the voice cover-up thing.

Was it on YouTube? No, I saw it on facebook oh well there's a deal that i watched but i can't remember what the i can't remember what the um youtube page is called yeah and one of the guys in the in the video i remember this guy this is what he was talking about he was talking about going in somewhere without wearing a mask and he's like when i walked in there i saw that paper on the table and i'm like i'm coming for that he's like um he's like on my life i'll knock off jesus christ for that paper and he's like and i came back with no mask when you come back with no mask

on either you're gonna die or i going to die or I'm going to die and I'm not going to die. And I was just like, well, that kind of narrows down the options, doesn't it? Sounds like you just killed all those people from the way you're telling the story. Jeepers. I was like, oh my God.

You're like, well, you gave me a 50-50 chance and then you just took off the other 50, so. 100%. He said, either I'm going to die, or you're going to die, and I'm not going to die. I'm just like, I think I get what you're saying, but. That doesn't make much sense. See, I just now figured out the, I do prefer, so lately, which I don't know if, I'm assuming you know, but lately I've been having a lot of weddings. Bailey had, Bailey's family had one in Tennessee.

My dad got remarried. My sister got married. Lately as in like over the past couple years no like because your dad got married last year this was last year we had my sister's wedding my dad's wedding my sister's my sister's wedding bailey's cousin's wedding and then we don't have a wedding this year but oh yeah we have a girl Bailey went to school with wedding and my cousin's wedding we have one this weekend

and then in a couple weekends Haley's September 30th is there any others well we already went to your cousin's man I tell you what I love weddings. I fuck up the dance floor.

I was just about to say, I hate wedding season. But I did discover the pants about even with my loafers. Right at the top. Discovered them? Like you figured out what your pant size is no i just discovered like that's the way i prefer to wear them you discovered your niche yeah i was used to have like a little bit of just a little bit not like a lot of sag at the bottom like the very bottom like you would show a little bit of ankle no

like i'd wear them longer i don't show my ankles see ankle to your too timid you gotta show a little ankle ankle to toes nobody's seen that i don't care who you are nobody's seen that besides my girlfriend you gotta show a little ankle assert dominance i can't especially if you have an ankle bracelet on for house arrest they're like oh my god no i'm just kidding i can't dude he literally came to this wedding we always had we had all these fucking like on kids from other teams playing basketball and stuff they just use pricks that would wear sparkly ass shoes have their pants like shin high and i'm like and then they got their black shirt on with their chain that freaking goes all the way down their belly but i'm like you because they're compensating for ugly feet i don't know i was

just like you look like a fucking dipshit. And they were always the ones that. Thought they were the best at basketball. And had everything. But they were the ones that were terrible. Yeah. Those are the guys that have to talk a big game. Because they don't got no skills.

I got skills to pay the bills. Yeah. I'm a baller. Yeah. When we were on the. When we went to spray the chipping green today gabe and i were knocking off golf balls and i grabbed one and i just did like a cream hookshot into the bunker oh i did it i did a cream hookshot into the bunker i was like cream you good i'm sorry beer makes me burp for some reason it's kind of weird dude you told me you had a lot of funny stories for this episode for this episode yeah well i kind of told some of them oh okay um i'm just making sure we get to them before they do very well we're just talking

we're just chatting chatting at you um my mom was listening to whichever episode it was where you're stoved up was it two or three three, she was. Episode three. Shout out to episode three, slow cooking. Go look it up. Where we were talking about your week and a half old shit. That was just. Just hanging out in your body, I guess. She was like, I'm listening to episode three. It's making me have to poop.

Did we ever give him an update? Yeah, it came out. The baby was the baby was born oh yeah what was the weight length about eight pounds 12 ounces 10-2 that's how much i was when i was born 10-2 holy shit yeah my mother is uh miraculously alive they had to put the old vacuum on the top of my head to suck me out and they're like jesus too much i think my grandpa had to get in there and like help pull me like put a chain around my ankle like he was pulling a calf just one time my dad had to help my grandpa go pull a calf he said my dad or my dad said he was just at the farm. And then my grandpa just came flying into the place, the farm.

And he just ran in, and he just threw a pair of old overalls on my dad. And he's like, Rude, I need your help. And he said he went out there with him, and they had to pull a calf. And of course, pulling a calf is no clean job so my dad was wearing some old overalls to to do that well what year was that i think it might have been my freshman year they had i can't remember what it was for but they had the cow that had the fucking thing in their side of their belly. I think I know what you're talking about.

I feel like I've seen one of those before. And you can just reach in and touch all their stuff. Oh. And what's that called, Lena? What? What's that called where they got the hole inside of the cow? I feel like it's like a Not a stoma Um

But all I know For a human it's like a colostomy Bag But I don't know what it is for a cow But all I know is They were like does anybody want to try it In me being the Damascus Go ahead

A porthole A porthole. A porthole. Porthole. Reach your hand inside that port. See if you can get some candy. And they were like, does anybody want to try it? And I was like, me, me do it.

And I just fucking stuck my hand in there and I was just fiddling and farting fucking around inside of a cow. Pull out some grass. That's safe to eat. It's been filtered through like three stomachs. And everybody was like, that's so disgusting. You're just like, he just took my arm in a cow. Exactly. Pretty much. exactly pretty much beer menu tonight

bush light furta I would like to I don't think you've ever heard this story but it's kind of a funny story I don't think I have either I was vaping in high school because I was a cool kid

you know word up bro yeah you're something else well I was vaping in high school because I was a cool kid, you know. Word up, bro. Yeah, you're something else. Well, the night before, because my mom didn't know I vaped at this point. The night before what? My mom didn't know I vaped in high school. And I took my vape and I was just like, would always stick it in like my mesh pocket of my bag on the opposite side of my bed. The one that was close, the mesh pocket of my bag on the opposite side of my bed. The one that was close.

The mesh pocket that was close to the wall. Well, I forgot about it. And I walked through school all day with my vape just chilling in that mesh pocket of my bag. Oh, your backpack. Yeah, my backpack. My pack pack. Of course. That's such a cam move, I feel like.

And I thought I lost it because I couldn't find it. And then I was just... The teacher's like, that's a weird-looking pest dispenser you got there. And I was walking out of school and my friend goes, hey, dude, nice vape, bro. I'm like... You're like, I don't vape. I was like, oh, you found it. Yeah.

Can I get a hit? No. No. Our math teacher is right there math teacher walks up i don't know if i should tell the story or not if you're if you're wondering if you shouldn't say something, probably shouldn't say it. Alright. Or, just let it fly. Because that's what I did a couple episodes ago. I ended up bleep bleep bleep bleeping. We can always cut it out, right? Well, but then it's going to shorten the episode a lot. What's it about first?

Zegunja. De marijuana. what's it about first Zegunja de Marijuana we're getting a no from the social media manager well now we gotta cut that out anyways the story would already be over no it's okay we'll leave it in it's like I have a lot of themes for episodes I want to do

but like I kind of want to get a more established audience. I've had a couple people saying, oh, I want to be a guest. And I'm just like, well, I'd love to have you as a guest, but first of all, we only have two mics, and I'm not made of money. But we don't want to waste it either. We don't want to waste all of our good stories when we just have two listeners or three listeners. Yeah, exactly, which is why I told the most legendary story of all time

in the last episode. Grass Studies Podcast episode 4 Loco, 44 minutes in. Give it a listen. You want to talk about sports injuries? We brought that up on the last one. Do you want to wait for a full pause? Well, I don't know because we kind of were talking about that in the last one but i mean i guess we can if you want i really don't have that many sports well i got three concussions on my list baby i suppose yeah if you want to talk about

i don't care well i got my first concussion my first concussion when I was in sixth grade. Sixth grade basketball. That's great. Your brain is pretty much fully developed at that point, so you got nothing to worry about. Yeah. Well, see. Wait, you said basketball? Yeah.

It was. Tell me you ran into the wall behind the hoop. No. it was tell me you ran into the wall behind the hoop no we went we went up this kid that thought he was fucking baller mcgee or something literally was like fucking four foot three didn't even have the muscle to shoot a three-pointer he would always just jack him up there so this kid that i swear to god was not in our age difference he He grew up in my grade, but he had fucking facial hair and everything in sixth grade. He was like six fucking two. And I'm like, dude, you're on fucking roids, man. So anyways, it's crazy.

Some of the size differences in kids that age. It's like there's some kids where it's like they hit the genetic jackpot and like they're like six two like but this 180 and then there's kids that are the same age that are like he wasn't six a cardboard cutout that was the cam version of the story he was probably but for sixth grade he was probably five eight like that's a big kid in sixth grade you know what i mean yeah and he was like one of those kids that was like muscle wise he got his muscle pretty early yeah all that and he was on a fast break so i took a charge fucking smack my head on the basketball court out like a light oh you were knocked out

yeah i didn't know where i was at oh i didn't know what month it was i just had my birthday like the week before it was our last game of the season our undefeated season don't mind you got knocked out and then i was like knocked out for a little bit and then um there was a doctor from like the other team he ran over he's like yeah you should call the ambulance he probably might have brain bleeding he needs to go oh my god so yeah i got rushed to the hospital and this this will give you some insight for how my family's love is i'm laid up in a bed i got a neck brace on and my dad walks in goes what you got sand in your vagina oh my god first thing he says to me i'm like don't you fucking brick jesus so i went and got a cat scan and like speed slowed down a lot time yeah like time. It felt like we were traveling

at a normal pace, but we were fucking hauling it. Like I told my dad in the ambulance when we were going. Can you tell him to slow down? He was like, it felt like we were just driving the speed limit. That's how long it felt like. Because we were in Loomis

playing in the travel league tournament. And we went to Bertrand you know Holdridge because that's where the closest hospital was I think

I don't know I still don't remember it but yeah I told my dad I was like yeah and he was like you were not driving the speed limit you guys were hauling ass

wait so everything around you felt slower, you mean? Yeah. Like, time felt like... Like, we were hauling ass, but I felt like we were going to speed limit. I wonder if... Because... Have you ever noticed that when you're working out,

the music you're listening to seems like it's playing slower or like at work it's because when your heart rate is elevated it makes like the outside stimulus of like the music coming in seem like it's going a little bit slower i've noticed that one time like when i was jogging like i was listening to music and I'm like, this music seems noticeably slower. Yeah. Fun science experiment. If you want to slow down your music or you want to experience this, go for a jog while listening to music and your music will slow down. I'm serious.

It's fucking crazy. Well, at work I've, like, noticed that, like, I'll be listening to, like, a Suicide Boy song or something. And it feels like it fucking plays forever. I don't know if it's because I think in my head I have a set time for how long it takes me to change cups or what, but then I'm walking off the green and the song's still playing. I'm like, oh my God. But anyways, the other concussion i got was in football when real quick because like for my concussion which i talked about in the last episode which i think was probably just um

pulled their pulled nerve in my neck did they do the old and i think it's probably just like the concussion regiment did they do did they do the old where are we right now what's the score of the game right now like without like without looking at the scoreboard what's the score of the game I think it's just to test if you remember your sense of where you're at well they pretty much knew I had a fucking concussion like right away they were past seeing if you had a concussion they're like like, let's make sure his brain isn't bleeding. They asked me the questions. But they.

While rushing to the hospital. Well, no, they asked me the questions on the court. But that was like our coaches. And like they had like one. They had like one trainer that was like going between two games. And he came over. They're like, well, what's the score? And you're like.

Well, they're just like, we need to get him to the hospital right when i woke up they were like already around me when i like got back up and i was like it's so bright because i was just like all my back looking straight up at the ceiling and i was like it's so fucking bright like it was like piercing into my soul yeah and then they asked me the question of what month it was and fucking this and that and they're like where are you at i answered the where i where i was at question i think pretty sure right but yeah i had a i had that concussion for six months. I don't know if it's, no, I think it was three months.

Oh my God. Cut that over and out, baby. No, it was long as fuck. Cause we went through. Cause you have to keep taking tests and pass them. Yeah.

And if you keep failing them, then you have a concussion. I couldn't pass them. And it was for like ever. And my concussion was so bad. I went to half days at school yeah it's like i couldn't trace was like that trace got a couple really bad concussions and they were just like yeah zero contact sports from now on and yeah he was he was down for the count

and it really fucked with his with his head well like well and like i was saying like I was saying like I was just starting to get aggressive in sports you know like your dad tells you gotta be aggressive like I was just starting to hit that like maturity of my like yeah I was just hitting that confidence boost

and then that happened and it was just like yeah I feel like you kind of lose your desire they wouldn't even let me participate in track okay that's BS And it was just like... Yeah. Well, I mean, I feel like you kind of lose your desire. They wouldn't even let me participate in track. Okay, that's BS. That is probably the only non-contact sport. But they were like... Well, and the only other thing was this was near Elwood,

so we had to drive to Kearney every time I had to take my test. What? And my mom was at, like point she was like she would just start asking me are you gonna pass the test because like at that point like I wasn't like it was like pointless for us to drive all the way there for me not to pass the test and then I have all the way back. But I eventually passed it. And then the next one was in football because we were playing... Who were we playing? I think we were playing Kearney Catholic.

And they had a bunch of racist pricks on their team. Damn fish eaters. And they had a bunch of racist pricks on their team damn fish eaters and uh they had a bunch of racist kids on their team and i was i was playing quarterback or whatever and this kid sacks me and he said something along the lines of i'm not gonna say it because i don't want to get canceled the n-word no the b-word about hispanics oh he's and he like just stood above me and he's like you need some help on the line damn wait but you had a lot of hispanic kids at yeah like school right yeah like our school was made up mostly hispanic kids yeah and so i was

like all right i'll see you on the next play You said that to him? Yeah this was fourth down You woke up the wrong motherfucker Have you seen that video clip of Patrick Mahomes? Since you're Patrick Mahomes I'm just picturing you going You woke up the wrong motherfucker You woke up the wrong motherfucker I have not seen that Oh it's so funny

You got that dog in him Don't mix with my boy Cam I was playing so I was quarterback and safety oh I'm coming downhill for your ankles boy dude this kid

got they threw like a little dump pass to him don't come over the middle and he was running outside right along the fucking out of bounds line. And I just helmet to helmeted him. And fucking rolled him all the way out onto the track. And I just stood up and I'm like, coach, I am fucked up.

Oh, no. And I was just so fucked up. And then the coach was like, how are you feeling? And I'm like, I'm fine. To go back in. Not fine. And then I went and played one more play. And I? I'm like, I'm fine. Could go back in. Not fine. And then I went and played one more play, and I'm like, yep, I'm out. And then I got cleared for that concussion.

And then the next week, I once again are running back fucking – because – so I played backup quarterback and wide receiver. Our quarterback got hurt, so I was playing main quarterback, and then I was playing the quarterback for our JV team. Not our JV team, but, like, in middle school we had, like, a B team. Mm-hmm. Like, they called it A team and B team. Yeah.

So we had a B team football game. So I was playing quarterback for them. And we just beat these kids with our A team. So they just played their A team against our B team. And our B team line was terrible. They were like the kids that are like, you know, like middle school you can't really have tryouts. Yeah. Like you can't host tryouts.

You come out and you're on the team. Yeah. And this kid missed his block and I was running right up the center and this kid just fucking dove in and just helmet to helmet me. So I played, like, two more games, two more weeks, and then the third game, I got my bell rung again, and I was just, like, standing there, like, at halftime, and I was, like, all fucking dizzy, and I was, like, seeing... And that was your third?

I was seeing black spots, and I was like, Coach, I need to go out. He's like, well, when did you get your bell rung? I was like, um... I need to go out. He's like, well, when did you get your bow rung? I was like, um. I don't remember. Last week. And he's like, what the fuck? Didn't you say anything?

I got my ass ripped. So he was pissed at you because you didn't let him know you were injured. Yeah. So I'll try to make. I've got a couple stories, but I'll try to make them decently quick, because we're, is that the last, oh, okay, because we're coming up close on an hour here, I had a theme going on for myself, where I like to get injured slash unable to play right before the season started um it started back in and this isn't meant to be a bad term but it started in midget football which is what it was called we didn't we didn't have peewee we called it midget football um it was my so it was like rookie d team cba

um so it was my rookie year which was probably i think it was like fourth grade fourth or fifth grade was it um no it was tackle football yeah damn and um so um and they like started practice in august And, like, they played on Sundays. There was, like, a midget football complex in Lincoln. And it was hot this August. And I went through all the... It was, like, it was probably about two or three weeks of practice. I went through all the hot, hot practices.

The very first practice practice one kid passed out before the practice even started it was that hot another kid threw up and my mom likes telling the story i came home and i was like mom someone threw up i was like in fourth grade um but i went through all the hot hot practices and then like three days before our first game i got diagnosed with mono which is like really terrible it's like the worst thing you can get it's like the flu and strep throat and all wrapped up together and so i was really sick and the thing about mono is they're like you don't want to do anything too strenuous physically because you can like hurt your spleen and so they're like contact sports is completely out

the window so i went through all the practices and then three days before the game they're like you're out for the season except i got a play in the last game and I got one tackle. And I remember looking over and my dad just went over on the side. Like he was, he liked to stand during my game. So he wouldn't sit with the parents. He'd be standing off to the side. He, he gave me the old thumbs up.

And then my freshman year of high school, um, our very first. So I went through all the fall camp and all that bullshit, two-a-days and whatnot, our very first full padded practice, which I think was like the first day of school, I got like a season-ending ankle injury. They were having, I was a freshman, and they were having me be like a scout running back for like the upperclassmen's like linebackers and d like d linemen like they're they were practicing like where like to stand and where to like like run fits basically like where where you would go

when there's a running play basically like what gap you would go to where you would go when there's a running play basically. Like what gap you would go to, where you would step if you're a linebacker. And I was just like, I didn't have any blockers. They were just handing me the ball and having me run. And I was like, are they just going to like tackle me? Like what? I don't have any. And the one coach I remember, he just goes, run hard.

He was just like, and he like tossed me me the ball like me and some other freshmen were like cycling in and out i think i did a couple plays and then there was one play this fucking guy grabbed me and then just basically like dropped down and just dropped on my ankle and just like wrapped me like threw me over and twisted my ankle so fucking bad, and I felt it just go, and I like, I was scared, I was gonna, I would like, vividly remember going,

I hope my ankle isn't sideways, because I remember like, slowly looking down, and I was like, oh my god, thank god it's straight, because I thought, from what it felt like,

I thought it was like, gonna be 90 degrees to the side, it was so bad, and everyone thought it was like gonna be 90 degrees to the side it was so bad and everyone thought i was faking it because i was like i can't even stand on it right now and like someone helped me off and by the end of practice it was so swollen it was swollen up like a fucking balloon that everyone that was just like oh my god what a faker everyone was walking like, oh my god, what a faker. Everyone was walking by going, oh, I guess you weren't faking because it was so swollen. And so I went and got it looked at by a doctor. And they were like, yeah, it's such a bad sprain.

It would have healed faster if it was just broken. If you would have just broke your ankle and put a cast on it, you would have healed faster. But because you injured the muscles and tendons in your ankle so badly, it's going to be a lot longer recovery. And I had to go to, like, physical therapy. So, like, pretty much what they're saying is, like, I'm surprised it didn't break. Well, I mean, it's a different, like, if it's, like, dislocated or, like, a bone breaks,

but no tendons are injured, that's one thing. But, like, the muscles and tendons in my ankle were so fucked that, like, I had to do, like, physical therapy. At one point, I was, like, walking on one of those treadmills that, like, you're in, like, a little air bubble. So, it's, like, makes you buoyant. So, you're not putting all your body weight on your foot and i think i got again i think i got in for like the last like the last game or last two games of like jv or something like that the last time something like this happened was i think it was the very next year i think it was my sophomore year right before they told me i was going to be starting at quarterback.

Or maybe it was my junior. I can't remember. Either way. I was saying, I was complaining. I was like telling my parents. I was like, I feel kind of a little pain right here. Like kind of down here. And for the audio only listeners, I'm like talking about like my lower ab kind of to the side um

did you have hernia no but they're like let's get you to um like uh i can't remember lynn care which is like an anytime doctor like whatever like an emergency like a not emergency room but it's not like your family doctor but just like a doctor you can go to to have them check you out yeah so i went there and they're like well you better go to the er in case it's like something to do with your pancreas not pancreas that's where your pancreas is at no no you're fucking um fuck now i can't even remember what's that what's that gallbladder not gallbladder what's this no no your pancreas the part not your pancreas the part that doesn't matter

appendix oh yeah or as cam likes to say impendix appendix appendix yeah they're like you better go to the er in case there's something wrong with your appendix so they're like okay so then i went and i got an ultrasound not on my balls like we talked about in a previous episode what episode was that i think that was our first episode i don't know maybe it was our first episode all i remember is you going you really are or maybe it was the second one because i was thinking about naming it don't know Bailey was that her first episode all I remember is you going you really are a shithead or maybe it was the second one because I was thinking about naming it don't get it twisted anyways because you had a twisted nut

no it was blue balls anyways so I went to the ER and I got an ultrasound and they were like like they weren't really sold on anything and really the only symptom i had was when you push on it it kind of hurts and so we got the ultrasound and they're like well let's just go ahead and do surgery and pop it out so we're like okay so they like got me in the room got

literally an IV in me they didn't put any sedatives in it yet but they had me literally prepped to just be wheeled out of there they're like it's a minimally invasive surgery make a couple incisions pop the thing out of there and just just to rule it out they're just gonna take your appendix out just to take your appendix well because they thought there was something wrong with my appendix but luckily the surgeon came in to check me out he's like how are we doing and he was like pushing on it and he was just like does it hurt when it rebounds or is it just when i press in because a lot of times it's like when you push in and then the gift like when it it goes back, the retraction, I guess, is when people will really say they're feeling pain. And I was like, no, it's really just a little bit of pain.

You push in and he's like, how's your appetite? And I'm just like, I'm starving. Because it was like late. Because we were running around going to the doctor and then the ER. I was like, I'm starving. He's just like, no. He's like, we're not cutting you open. Because normally people will be like nauseous or something like that. He's just like, no, go home, which thank God because, and my appendix is still in, but the story isn't in there because he's like, if you, he's like, go home. If you're feeling like nauseous or any more pain than you're experiencing, he's like, then come back in. But I'm not sold.

I'm not convinced that you need to get cut open and get this thing removed. So we're like, okay, thank you. So we went out to eat at Applebee's. I don't know if it was to celebrate the potential. Oh, and so my mom was crying because it was like a couple days or a couple weeks before our first game. And she was so sad for me because it was like this ongoing thing where it's like right before the season starts, I have something go wrong with me where now I can't play. And she feels so bad for me because I go through all the hard practices leading up to it. So, the surgeon sends us home.

And we go to Applebee's to eat. Because, again, I'm starving. And I order my go-to, which is a cowboy burger. Which is just like a bacon. It's just like a bacon cheeseburger with like an onion ring and barbecue sauce. Your classic like Southwest or whatever. I always get the egg one. That's pretty good.

That's how I ever drop in. I think I know what you're talking about, though. Can I just chime in really quick? Chime in. I have a thing. Everywhere I go, if they have eggs on something i'm trying it like eggs on a burger well like uh there's a mexican restaurant in north platte they have the huevos rin uh not the huevos rancheros the what was it the trace montaños i think okay or something like that and they had three eggs on three enchiladas with all three different sauces that sounds schmackin'. Anyways. I had diarrhea.

Anyways. So, I get my cowboy burger, and I snarf that motherfucker down. So fast. You snarf, or you scarf? Scarfed it down. Whatever the fuck. I ate it really fast. Okay. You just...

I'm sitting there and I'm like I'm like I don't feel so good. I'm like get out. Get out of the booth. I need to go to the bathroom. I go into the bathroom. I go into the stall. I'm like

I didn't belch. That was just because of the beer i'm like okay okay i don't have to throw up i didn't throw up i go back to the booth i still don't feel well though but i didn't throw up i was like i need to go outside i think maybe i was i had stage fright because i was like in a public place in a public bathroom i don't want to throw up here. I don't feel comfortable. Let me go outside into the parking lot. I go out to the parking lot by our car. I absolutely blew chunks so hard in that Applebee's parking lot. Like my food, I don't even know if it all made it into my stomach.

Because of how chunky it was. I'm sorry. Fucking hair cake. Now you understand where I'm coming from, you dickhead. This has nothing to do with hair cake. My birthday. That's how it was. I literally thought I was going to choke on my own puke

because it was so thick it couldn't make it its way out of my goddamn throat. You're talking about the same kind of puke you had. It was so chunky it couldn't make it out of my goddamn throat. You're talking about the same kind of puke you had. It was so chunky, it couldn't make it out of my fucking throat. Anyways, finish your story. So at that very moment, because he said, if you're feeling nauseous or anything, come back. And half hour after we leave, I fucking puke. So it's like, well, now what?

So we go home. We're just like, well, maybe you were just kind of had your nerves rattled from the whole ordeal about maybe having to go to surgery. And then you ate your food really fast. So I like we're like, I slept. I remember I slept in my parents living room on like a blow up mattress. And like my dad or my mom slept on the couch next to me just in case some, something were to happen where we could just get in the car and go. Well, if your appendix ruptures, it's like dangerous as fuck. And I have, once you get done with your story, I want to just add just a little something to that.

Okay. Well, that's pretty much it. it wait i ended up like feeling fine and but that was kind of how did how many games did you play in your season i i was i was fine i was normal but my mom thought the whole thing was oh my mom was crying because she thought oh my god here we go again he's gonna have to miss the season again right before it starts. Oh, yeah. But it was a false alarm, and I still have my appendix. Actually, no, I'm just kidding. I still have my appendix.

Well, talking about the appendix rupturing, I knew there was this chick in my high school that was like, man, I feel like shit. But, so they were like going to the urgent care. Mm-hmm. Which is kind of what you were saying, like you can just see any doctor.

And, like right before she got there, she's like, oh my fucking God. Like she felt like immense pain. like, oh, my fucking God. Like, she felt, like, immense pain. Like, it was, like, super fucked up. Yeah. And right when she got in there, they, like, rushed her to the ER. Like, so, like, the urgent care is here. ER is, like, across the, like, little driveway.

Yeah. Right there. And she got in there, and they're like, your appendix just ruptured. Yeah. Like, they were, like, on their way to the fucking urgent care, and her appendix ruptured yeah like they were like on their way to the fucking urgent care and her appendix ruptured i was like oh my god well i think the real i can't remember exactly i think it's something about where it's located if it ruptures it's like because it's by your stomach or something it it's got something to do with something getting on something or it just

makes you really sick and it's really dangerous i can't remember exactly i heard a story about some kid that had his appendix ruptured and it like was causing well i guess throw up violently i thought your appendix was i was gonna say it kind of holds like all your shit your liver filters out but that would make sense because i think serious well it's got something to do with when it ruptures i think it's like when it ruptures whatever is inside it is right next to your stomach yeah and it leaks in and it makes you really sick yeah because stuff is getting in your stomach that's not supposed to. And when that happens, your stomach's like, evacuate,

evacuate, evacuate by puking. Yeah. Well, should we end it here? You got anything else you want to talk about? Any other funny words that you want to say that doesn't help people? Bush Light, sponsor us. That'd be pretty dope. Don't think they're listening we

average probably about 10 listeners maybe well bush light fucking sponsors okay good point bush light sponsor us yeah like if you don't we're drinking another beer next episode and we're gonna ask if they want to sponsor us yeah i'm a little bit we should probably end it on and on and on and on keep going all right all right thank you all for watching pod yeah thank you guys everybody that tunes in gavin and spencer we have more than gavin and spencer that listen but they did i know they did appreciate the shout out i'm like did you like that shout out they're like yeah dude spitzer came up to me he's like oh my god i got a shout out on your fucking guy was so getting hot guy was so excited but yeah whoever's out there still tuning into our

wild adventure we're still ironing some bumps out but yeah we're still we're still finding our way a little bit but um your top-notch podcast eventually yeah we'll be your escape from the real world um until next time again audio only on spotify and apple music um if you want to watch us talk and watch us drink and there was a little bit of a video element to this one because of our mouth measuring um thing we did youtube um grass daddy's podcast on youtube edit the video and tap that down into the description of the spotify if you guys just want to see our experiment instead of i guess i'll edit that in watch the whole video Jake will edit that in because he's a fucking wizard Harry

Yeah that Thanks for watching Until next time We have to say something funny Remember we have to Until next time If you got dollar spot in your lawn Spray it with fungicide

Well last time I said rotate your fungicides So I'm not going to say that This time I'm going to say... Weed eat your goddamn fence line. Jesus Christ! Weed eat... What does he say? Mother Mercy!

Weed eat your goddamn fence line. Peace out, you grimy fucks. See you guys in the next one. I'll be back again and again and again and again and again and again