Grubstakers - Episode 05: Mark Zuckerberg

Episode Date: March 5, 2018

Mark Zuckerberg is the youngest billionaire ever who sacrificed his friends to build his social network. We talk about how he has caused depression to the masses,a myriad of poor judgments leading to him falling up, and other details about the supposed boy wonder. Find out all the trials tribulations and more on Grubstakers. Enjoy! Here's the tumblr with some of the research we did and any necessary corrections: https://grubstakers.tumblr.com/post/171605558152/research-for-episode-5-mark-zuckerberg

This week on Grubstakers, we're talking about Mark Zuckerberg, the inspiration for the Jesse Eisenberg Oscar bait, The Social Network. We're going to be talking about his early website, Facemash, his beautiful relations with the Hawaiian people, and more this week on Grubstakers. Because of my success in the private sector, I had the chance to run America's largest city for 12 years. I taught those kids lessons on product development and marketing. They taught me what it was like growing up feeling targeted for your race. And that's just not true.

You know, I love having the support of real billionaires. Hey guys, welcome to Grubstakers. I'm Andy Palmer. I'm Steve Jeffries. I'm Sean McCarthy. Yogi Poliwal, boy detective. This week we're talking about Mark Zuckerberg, founder of thefacebook.com. And FaceMash. And a dating site.

He's worth, according to Bloomberg, as of March 2018, he's worth $72.4 billion. Forbes has him at $71.2 billion. What, the sixth richest man in the world. And, you know, we're going to get through the biography. We're going to get through, you know, the hacking of our democracy that he facilitated. The $100,000 that Russia spent to destroy the billion-dollar Hillary Clinton campaign. That's right. Sole solely through his platform. And how he still spends all his free time refreshing the page where he's got a friend request from his college girlfriend.

You know, a million dollars isn't cool anymore. What's cool? $100,000 in Russian ads. But yeah, I mean, so just basic biography. He grew up definitely upper middle class. He was born in New York. His father was a dentist. And we'll get into later, his father gave him one of the loans to help start the company initially. Well, before we get into that, do we all use Facebook here?

Are we all Facebook users? Yes. Yes. Yes. I have made him so much money. Like, every time I post something misogynistic and it gets 300 comments. You're welcome, Mark Zuckerberg. I allow Sheryl Sandberg to lean in because I drive clicks. Well, you're a straight white male.

You're exactly the demographic Facebook protects, and that's really the most important thing about this website. I guess we should mention also, well, we'll get into it later, but Facebook has been deleting the kill all men posts or the men are scum posts or whatever. And you know what? Thank you, Mark. I need protection,

and it's hard for me to go on that website and feel attacked. And, you know, most of the news articles about this, they treat it as a negative, but I feel very safe when I log in. I know that there are mods working 24 hours a day to protect my male fragility. Our alt-right listenership just went up 1,000%. Thanks for linking me to that as well what if they're like very conflicted because it's like on the one hand he's protecting men but on the other hand he is jewish oh wow is he trying to ingratiate himself with us

but um yeah no we all use facebook i think we were going to talk about friends. I've got like 3,000 or something. Yeah, Sean's got 3,000 something. Yogi has 2,200. I have 1,400. And Stephen Jeffries is, I would say, winning with 200 friends. Yes. Well, it's like I always say, you don't get to 3,000 friends without making a few enemies. What's funny, too, about how Sean has the most

friends is he's also the person I know who has the most female comics who've unfriended him over his statuses. The key is to keep adding new ones. Which incidentally is very Zuckerberg-esque. Yeah, no, I just... I always stare at the screen of the female comics who unfriended me, waiting for them to accept my request. Right, that's how you're addicted to the website. Your fragility is based on the fact that women don't like you, but you have 3,000 people that claim they still don't hate you, which is pretty good.

You don't get to 3,000 friends without making a few enemies. I know I already said that. Same can be said for zero friends. So, yeah. I know I already said that Same can be said for Zero Frames So yeah, so Zuckerberg's dad's a dentist They're well off He's got two sisters, I believe Whole family, very focused on the face Very focused on the face No acne problems whatsoever in that family

Very focused No Habsburg jaw either I think there is that jaw, by the way And in one of the... I think there is that jaw, by the way. But in one of the articles I read is that he grew up in a very supportive and loving family. The family would call him the prince because he had two sisters. Because he was like Machiavelli.

He was like stealing intellectual property from his sisters as a child. Like, no, I'm the one who came up with a lemonade stand. He was setting up an LLC shell company to run the lemonade stand and cut them out. He set up an LLC to buy up the other lemonade

stand and dilute their shares. And then when they wanted to counter-stool him, he paid them off in lemonade. It's all there. I've seen the documents, folks. Oh yeah, we've been watching some Alex Jones before this Alex Jones you know if you don't listen

to all of this episode just check out Alex Jones criticism of Mark Zuckerberg because he breaks it down better than we ever could oh yeah fuck you Zuckerberg

fuck you yeah that is Alex Jones take on Mark Zuckerberg and I'll be honest very very, very precise and concise. I will say, Jones is a man known for many words. But in this case, he really hits the nail on the head. But so anyway, you know, typical upper middle class upbringing.

Father was a dentist. He was very bright in school. He went to Harvard, of course. And so he originally, he did like some sort of hot or not website i don't know if that was his face yeah the face mash because like i guess he posted some blog post i'm paraphrasing it but it's like yeah i was just looking through the photos and like some of these people of like harvard campus because harvard has you're being too woke he said some of these women look like farm animals right i thought he said some of these people oh well i don't know if he specified

women or people if i think he was referring to a women's dorm at least oh okay i heard that that's one of the reasons he got in trouble with the harvard like faculty because he was hacking their network to get photos of other people and it's's like, that's the beginning of the Zuckerberg-Harvard story. He just was kind of breaking their computer system to benefit from it by judging women. Which, I'll be honest, so woke. Really. Oh, really. And fortunately, since that time, Facebook has never been used for that purpose.

I was going to say, I feel like that's the origin story for a lot of different tech startups. Well, we hacked the CIA and now we got all the photos of the hottest CIA agents. I mean, that was like the whole point of that Sorkin movie. It was like, yeah, they're all doing this to get the puss. Yeah, he was doing it for revenge against his girl who dumped him because he was an asshole. How dare she dump him. And he was dumped him because he was an asshole. How dare she dump him. And he was like, I'm not an asshole. I'm just an Aaron Sorkin character.

We're all like this. But yeah, so he did the face mash where it was like a hot or not type of thing where you could vote. What was it? If two people were hotter, you vote on the hotter one. There's like two pictures and you vote on the hotter one. There's like two pictures and you click on the hot one. Yes. And then they used

LO chess ratings to rank the hottest people. So somewhere there was a Magnus Carlsen of hot ladies at Harvard. That's great. So that was,

I think, his first one. Did he do like one other before? Or I guess... Well, he... Real quick, um but so that was i think his first web did he do like one other before or i guess well he i will real quick he did create a social network in his house called zucknet uh this is pre face match at home and it was to make it so that the computers in his house could talk to one another which mind you like i don't there's no need for this like i tried looking into it more and zuck net uh suck net it doesn't make any sense why you would need your pcs to talk to one another

when 56k modems is as fast as the internet goes like it sounds like he just set up a network at his house and named it zuck net that's sort of like what we all do with wi-fi yes right right right he named his wi-fi zuck net and people were like, you know what, he's really gifted. But so he did the face mash, and then, you know, infamously, as portrayed in the Aaron Sorkin movie, the Winklevoss twins approached him about... Winkies. They approached him about starting a dating site for Harvard called Harvard Connect connection or something and uh when they approached him you see this was right after the face mash incident where uh zuckerberg's girlfriend says hey you know i'm really into rowers and he says well i'm i'm small rowers are big i i can't be a rower and so he's very intimidated by athletes and then later she dumps him and then the winklevoss twins come

and he's like you guys look like you must work out. Great dialogue by Sorkin. And they're like, yeah, of course we work out. We're in crew. And then he kind of glares, and he's like, yeah, I'll help you. And then he begins on his crusade to destroy the rowers, the Winklevoss twins, who I would also like to state without anything to back it up, were the inspiration for the McPoyle twins on It's Always Sunny because they fuck each other. That's right.

That's right. 100%. Yeah. Also, when we talk about the Winklevoss twins, we rarely mention Divya Narendra, the other the Indian guy who, I would argue, had the idea for this connect you, Harvard connection nonsense. Yeah, he was definitely the one driving it. Yeah. In the movie at least. Well, in real life... In the movie, at least.

Well, in real life as well, I'm pretty sure. He at least had, I don't know, the technical knowledge to explain why this was important. And Winklevoss was like, you know what? I think we're going to jump on this train. Nobody will question us because we're two people and we're big.

Yeah. And we have sex with one another. That's how you become a good rowing partnership. Yeah, you have to know when to stroke and when to croak. So we're skipping ahead, but later when the Winklevoss is established, ConnectU, Zuckerberg, according to his leaked IMs, he did actually hack into it and start deleting accounts. Wow, what a weak bitch. and start deleting accounts. And he made a fake account for Cameron Winklevoss.

And basically he portrayed him as a racist. So on this fake profile for Cameron Winklevoss, he has a favorite quote. Quote, homeless people are worth their weight in paperclips. I hate black people. Oh, wow. Just a very artful attempt To smear a Winklevoss twin

You know in some of the Emails he sent the Winklevoss Basically being like Oh hey sorry like I haven't worked on the thing Because I've been awake I've been really focused on this one data project I hope Facebook employees today Use that when they're like hey so what happened yesterday

You weren't in Sorry I had a problem set. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I had a problem set. And just like fucking Zuckerberg being like, this motherfucker's using my tactic against me. All right. But I guess we're jumping around a bit. So just to get into it, he's on the Harvard campus.

The Winklevoss twins approach him with this dating website idea. But around the same time, they argue he stole the idea and turned it into the facebook.com or at least he congruently had a similar idea which went on to become the facebook.com and the facebook.com went live in february 2004 it was explosively popular on the harvard campus and he got his initial 15,000, which is what they needed for the servers, from the classmate Eduardo Saverin, which was a Brazilian kid descended from, I guess his grandfather owned a tailor shop

that became very popular in Brazil. He's... Hugo Boss. But... There are a lot of immigrants who were into that kind of style in Brazil. But and so in one of these leaked. So this his friend Eduardo is the initial investor in the seed money. He gives him 15,000.

And in one of these leaked Zuckerberg instant messages we have. He describes Eduardo as, quote, the head of the investment society. And he said he's rich because, quote, apparently insider trading isn't illegal in Brazil. So yeah, you know, he just kind of like, so, you know, he treated Eduardo like daddy money bags or whatever. And they found this server.

It becomes explosively popular. And then in the summer of 2004, they found it February. It's really popular on Harvard. In the summer, he and Dustin Merkowitz, who was another, Muskovitz, excuse me, was another founder. They move out to Palo Alto,ifornia and they rent a house where they work on facebook full-time for the summer and this is after uh justin timberlake talked them into going out there that's right that's right after he uh fucked a stanford lady and she was like wait you created napster as though a lady in 2004 wouldn't recognize that she just

fucked justin timberlake that's right he hadn't brought the sexy back then it was very convenient that she introduced justin timberlake to facebook like you know i guess life is just full of those coincidences you know when they moved to palo alto eduardo stayed on the east coast so while the company was being built one of the co-founders of the entire thing was on the East Coast still at Harvard, I believe. He actually went on to an internship at Lehman Brothers. Oh, really? That other famously successful company. And one of the biggest scandals of Facebook is documented in the social network.

When Wardo came to visit them in California, Zuckerberg didn't pick him up from the airport. What? Yeah. That's pretty fucked up. He promised he would. That's terrible. True. He just stood outside the him up from the airport. What? Yeah. That's pretty fucked up. He promised he would. That's terrible. Eduardo just stood outside the front door in the rain. But yeah, at some point they meet Justin Timberlake,

also known as Sean Parker, founder of Napster. And Trent Reznor's mortal enemy. Right. But so they have this initial $15,000 from Eduardo, and then they get more Mr. Zuckerberg's father provided us with initial working capital. In consideration for this assistance, we issued him an option to purchase 2 million shares. I believe those are worth something like 60 million now. But basically, they didn't disclose. We don't know exactly how much of daddy's money Zuckerberg was burning through with these servers.

Daddy number two. Right. So he had Eduardo's money. He had his daddy's money Zuckerberg was burning through with these servers. Daddy number two. Right. So he had Eduardo's money. He had his father's money. And I guess just the thing is like, uh, congratulations on making your, you know,

depression factory. That's making all the kids kill themselves and being worth 74 billion. But it's worth thinking that whenever people are like, Oh, just be Mark Zuckerberg. It's like, well, I hope you have the startup capital,

right? I hope you have a rich Harvard friend and a father who's a fucking dentist who can loan you an undisclosed sum to keep your stupid servers up until you meet Justin Timberlake. And if you do have all of that, you have to throw all of your friends under a bus to promote a website that allows you to have

more friends. You gotta spend friends to make more friends you guys spend friends to make friends but yeah so um summer two friends make friends summer 2004 they go out to palo alto and they're running this full-time out of the house and then according to business insider as early as july sean parker had introduced them to silicon valley bigigs uh like reed hoffman and peter teal who were lined up to invest in them by the way peter teal and the social network uh very natural movements uh very socially adept very convincing yeah clearly uh they didn't make this movie uh until after he spoke at the Republican National Convention and everyone saw

him as a weird robot who injects young people's blood into himself. I was going to say, maybe he was getting the good batch of young people's blood. He was getting the real boys from Brazil blood and then they cracked down on his supplier

and now his movements are more stilted. It's part of why they needed Eduardo. Right. He had the blood connects. Peter Thiel becomes the first big Silicon Valley investor in Facebook. I believe he invests $500,000. But before they could do that, Zuckerberg comes up with a scheme to cut Eduardo, his Harvard classmate who put the initial $15,000 out. The scheme they basically come up with is something Peter Thiel

copied from some other hedge fund manager or some other tech investor. It's worth noting that he came up with this scheme because Eduardo got into an exclusive Harvard club and Mark Zuckerberg did not. The entirety of my research for this episode was watching the social network last night.

And getting drunk. Don't forget about the beginning of Drunkard. And getting drunk on Homemade Moonshine. That's right. That's right. And showing up a half an hour late. When I research hard, sometimes it takes a while to get up in the morning. Andy does like the Bobby F Fisher technique of recording a podcast

where he like gets into our heads psychologically by just like being delayed and unprepared. But then he's a grandmaster. That's right. That's right. But so again, from these leaked Zuckerberg instant messages from the time, they discuss cutting out Eduardo. And so this is Sean Parker and Zuckerberg talking.

And Sean Parker says, Peter Thiel tried some dirty tricks. All that shit he does is classic Moritz shit. And Moritz refers to Michael Moritz, who is an angel investor who funded Google, Yahoo, PayPal, among others. And we'll talk about him on a future episode. But basically, so yeah, he goes, Parker goes, Peter Thiel tried some dirty shit, dirty tricks. All that shit he does is like classic Moritz shit.

Zuckerberg goes, ha ha, really? Parker goes, only Moritz does it way better. Zuckerberg goes, that's weak. Parker goes, I bet he learned that from Mike. Zuckerberg goes, well, now I learned it from him, and I'll do it to Eduardo. Oh, wow. Which, you know, I'm sure wasn't great when they had to do that through discovery in the lawsuit. Yeah.

Which is kind of weird, because since Zuckerberg, he already, he could have drawn on his experience with a lemonade stand in order to cut his own family out of the profits. You think the guy who makes his whole career around gathering people's information digitally would know not to put that into writing? Yeah. Oh, yeah. You think that a person that has his entire net worth based on his information being online wouldn't put some information yeah online and one of the points uh early on in the facebook uh portion they asked him like hey people are giving you their emails like why are they doing that and he just says i don't know they're dumb as fuck or he called them dumb i guess they quote trust me yeah right dumb fucks which he did apologize for and i'm sure it was sincere it's better now yeah right like it's like i don't give a fuck that you

apologize for you literally called anyone using facebook a dumb fuck like are you serious that's not it is kind of a funny 180 from like my users are dumb fucks to uh everything could be solved if you just used facebook more um but so yeah so they come up with this scheme where they set up another llc to buy the facebook llc and then they dilute um eduardo's shares in the new llc and just quoting from business insider real quick to kind of give a bit of an overview on october 31 2004 eduardo signed a shareholder agreement that allotted him three million shares in the of stock common stock in the new company and the agreement he handed over all relevant intellectual property and turned over his voting rights to mark zuckerberg and it's

pretty clear he just didn't know what he was signing wow so later on as according to business insider eduardo apparently only found out how badly he'd been diluted in april 2005 so that's like months after when the facebook.com sent him a letter seeking his approval for its second formal round of funding and then you know lawsuits fought lawsuits followed and interestingly enough the only reason we got the social network movie is because eduardo in this period talks to a journalist uh ben mesrich, who wrote the book Accidental Billionaires, which is what the book Social Network was based on. And this is entirely based on Eduardo's account of what happened. Mark Zuckerberg refused to cooperate with the book. So basically, he just gave this like, you know, very damning portrayal of what a tool Zuckerberg

was. And then that became the book book which became the sorkin movie and then eventually eduardo i think like six months in stopped cooperating because he settled with zuckerberg for something like a billion dollars well as they say in the sorkin movie every origin story needs a devil and go on andy mark zuckerberg isn't an asshole he's just trying really hard to be which is the line that the movie goes out on that contradicts every other scene in the movie yeah right and i love that like at first he was like i'm not gonna see the social network and then it comes out it's like all right looks like everyone Facebook is going to go see this movie about me now.

It's the most narcissistic way. I'm not going to see that movie. Well, now that it's out, maybe all of us should go support it. It's like at first he's like, well, maybe I don't think I should support a thing that could be damaging to me. And then secondly, it's like,

well, maybe I should support it because if it bombs, that's even worse for my career. Like, it is about me right right right it should be noted that zuckerberg would like us all to know that he had a girlfriend the entire time period that that movie covers oh yeah uh i'm gonna write a letter to sorkin telling him to sort that out yeah he talks about how he didn't like it because basically he was with priscilla chan during that entire period and it's like yeah buddy they made a movie about about how he didn't like it because basically he was with Priscilla Chan during that entire period.

And it's like, yeah, buddy, they made a movie about your life. It's like, yes, yes, I cheated on her. It's not fair to not mention that she was there. What's her origin story, though? So I looked into her a little bit, and basically her parents are arguably the best person in the zuckerberg story is priscilla chan um her parents are like refugees and they worked their ass off and she's the first person in her family to have a college degree from anywhere i think if i my research is correct and her entire thing now is like all wives and former wives of a billionaire she's a

philanthropist and she's entirely the reason why zuckerberg is trying to donate like 99 of his net worth even though they're a part of the bill gates group of um weather control yes um so priscilla chan i think uh is like what if what if you wrote a letter to aaron sorkin being like, I am so disappointed... Fuck you, Zuckerberg! Fuck you! You'd be like, I'm so disappointed.

Your series, The West Wing, was so accurate. And your series, Studio 60, was such an accurate portrayal of stand-up comedy. He did that? Yeah, he did Studio 60, right right it was no sports night yeah um but so anyways we're talking about priscilla and um i guess we could talk a bit about um just how facebook makes its money you know its whole business model and these kinds of things and then we'll get into some of the other things he has done since settling with um both edu Eduardo Saverin and the Winklevoss twins.

And, you know, it was explosively popular on the Harvard campus in 2004, and it's just grown exponentially ever since. I think it has 1.5 billion users worldwide now. So, you know, and according to Wired, Google and Facebook account for three quarters of all internet ad revenue, I believe. That's correct. So yeah, Facebook, even though ads aren't cool, and Facebook is cool, they now make 98% of their revenue from ads. They used to actually make, it looks like in 2012, they made something like 84% and the rest of their money was from games basically like farmville was a cash cow for facebook and so but because since like uh smartphones became much more ubiquitous no one has any reason to go on facebook to play farmville So they basically threw that by the wayside. And so now the global ad spending is

half a trillion dollars, over half a trillion dollars. And it looks like 49.6 of that by 2021, according to eMarketer, will be in digital ad revenues, including mobile ads and so on. So I thought I'd look into basically how Facebook makes their money. And so I did a deep dive into the heart of darkness, which is Facebook's business section. And it's the eighth ring of hell. The eighth ring of hell. The eighth ring of hell. And it turns out they're very upfront if you are looking to make money or if you're looking to give them money. Oh, really?

They tell you everything you want to know if you're willing to give them money? Yeah, yeah. Not if you're using it or, say, in the news. But if you're looking to promote on Facebook, they're like, yeah, no, here's the shit we do. For instance, you can – so as a broad overview, you can target for specific income groups. You can target for sexual orientation, religion, political affiliation. They have two things that are called dynamic ads and lead ads, which are their two offerings. And dynamic ads is basically how they use people's likes and behaviors to target ads. And then lead ads are just where people can input.

It allows people to input information for a business so that a business can, they can say like, hey, sign up for this and people will type in. And then the business can get more information combined with their Facebook information. And Facebook gets it. Anyway. So basically they tell you can take these courses on Facebook business on how to properly use their offerings. One thing you can do is you can upload your data that you have about users that you've collected outside of Facebook. So you can tell them like,

hey, I'm trying to advertise to gay Mexican teens. Well, so that's like level one. That's the... That's entry level. Got it, got it, got it. And so even past that, you can take like if you have like a customer base where you've got their emails, you've got things they've bought. Right, right.

You can upload that onto Facebook. It'll connect that with the people on Facebook based on what they've bought. And so you can start targeting those people on their Facebook if they've bought anything from you. Facebook will also, it kind of tries to track behaviors. And so say if someone is into gardening, if they say they're into gardening, you can advertise to people who look like they're into gardening. But if another platform, say, noticed that someone bought a gardening shovel or something, then you can also target those people even though they never said on Facebook that they're into gardening. And even deeper into it... What if someone says they're into cheese pizza?

I think we all know what that means, Sean. So what's this third level that you're about to describe? So the third level, it's basically behaviors. And one of the most interesting sections I got to while taking their, quote, courses. I passed two courses. Good job, Andy. Even though I pretty much failed their after course quiz on the second one. Oh, Andy.

I know. They still said I passed. We're going to put your test on the fridge. They have a section called Multicultural Affinity. Sounds woke so far. Very, very progressive. Interesting.

Facebook's targeting solution is not based on ethnicity. Our U.S., Hispanic, African American, and Asian American affinity audiences are defined by people's affinity to cultures they've demonstrated an interest in through their behaviors on Facebook. This is why you'll find affinity group audiences under behaviors rather than demographics. So basically this is their race targeting thing.

But they're very clear that they're not targeting based on whether someone's Asian American, African American, or Hispanic. They target you based on whether you act black, act Asian, or act Hispanic. That's so crazy. Because in theory, that's more habitual than race-based. But the reality is, it's also just race-based. It's like, yeah, sure, there will be some overlap. But the reality is, if a person is mostly acting black on the internet, chances are they're probably black. I was wondering why I was getting all those ads for relaxer.

Well, if you're like Bank of America and you're trying to market certain bank products, you wouldn't be able to do that based on these affinity groups. What they've said is specific categories such as housing, employment, and credit cannot be marketed on the basis of multicultural affinity, which, you know, very nice of them. And also, if it got out that they were doing that, that would be a PR nightmare for Facebook. You mean when it comes out that they're doing that? Because the sad reality of Facebook is that they continually will violate their own privacy rules and their own laws about this stuff. And then people will be like, hey, that's fucked up.

And they'll go, oh, we're sorry. And then they just continue to do it. Yeah, basically. A lot of people fall backwards. Facebook has this tendency to fall upwards, or as I call it, white privilege. Yeah, like the entire research we did on Facebook, at least what I found was constantly, Facebook does bad thing, it gets discovered by somebody, and they're like, we're not going to do that anymore.

We made a mistake. Yeah, this is not our intention. This was an oversight. They play the damaging boyfriend role. No, that's not me anymore. I don't do that. That's me yesterday. I'm different now.

And then we all fall back in love with Facebook, and then the next day they're fucking eating out our girlfriends. They're like, look, Myanmar's better without the Rohingya people. You can target your Facebook ads at like killing Rohingyans. No, you're targeting people who act like they want to kill rohingyas they identify with those affinity features we'll get into that a little later oh and one last thing that i i found in my course where they were going through the history of facebook they talk about how they started uh advertising for things like movies and they had a little screenshot from 2012

facebook where it's an ad for Tropic Thunder now playing, and then underneath it is a comment demonstrating how people can comment on Facebook ads, and the comment is from Justin Smith saying, this is a good idea for an ad unit. Do you think Robert Downey Jr.'s character in that movie gets ads for black Facebook users? But yeah, I guess another thing that I think one of the most important things when it comes to Facebook is the link to depression.

And I think most people who use Facebook intuitively know that this is like making us miserable. But, you know, Sean Parker of Napster and Justin Timberlake fame actually gave a talk just recently where he said, and, you know, if the thought process that went into building these applications, Facebook being the first of them to really understand it. That thought process was all about how do we consume as much of your time and conscious attention as possible? And that means that we need to sort of give you a little dopamine hit every once in a while because someone liked or commented on a photo or a post or whatever. And that's going to get you to contribute more content. And that's going to get you, contribute more content and that's going to get you you know more likes and comments and it's a it's a valid it's a social validation feedback loop that that it's like a i mean it's exactly the kind of thing that a that a hacker like myself would come up with because you're exploiting a vulnerability in in human psychology so essentially the entire algorithm of facebook is designed

to make you depressed but also to make you constantly used facebook because you're always craving that little like or validation or whatever the fuck if it's really like depression so one of the things i was in dayton ohio this morning and I was sitting with a bunch of folks who are recovering opioid addicts, heroin addicts, and a bunch of folks in the community who are working to help them recover. And that's a huge epidemic issue. Anyway. Thank you, Mark Zuckerberg. If it's really like depression, then it should also mean that you have to have even more likes and more follows as time goes on. Right. Because you crave that approval.

And at the risk of stepping on Bill Maher's toes, he actually covered this with his new rule, social media is the new nicotine. Oh, God. Well, in a, in a brilliant segment where he talked about how you need the smiley face now, or the thumbs up where the big thumbs up or the big black thumbs up, at which point the cameras immediately cut to the one black guy on the panel. Was he laughing? He was laughing and giving a thumbs up. Well, that's okay then.

Yeah. And later Bill Maher gave it, did a gay joke and they cut to who I assume was the gay guy on the panel and then he said the n-word i you know i wish he made more money so we could talk about him more yeah he's too poor for our podcast um but so facebook and depression there have been a few different studies kind of validating what people kind of feel intuitively, that Facebook makes you miserable, the number of U.S. teens who felt useless and joyless, symptoms of depression, surged 33% in large national surveys. Teen suicide attempts increased 23%. The number of 13 to 18-year-olds who committed suicide jumped 31%. So there is a big spike in teen suicide and depression. And then there are a few other studies that link that more directly.

And sorry, the quote I was just doing comes from a Washington Post article. But there was a joint study by two German universities that demonstrated Facebook envy, found as many as one in three people feel worse and less satisfied with their lives after visiting Facebook. A 2013 study by University of Michigan found that the more people use Facebook, the worse they feel afterwards. University of Copenhagen did a control one-week experiment with 1,095 participants in 2015.

They compared a treatment group, participants who took a break from Facebook, with a control group, participants who kept using Facebook and demonstrated that taking a break from Facebook has positive effects on the two dimensions of well-being. Our life satisfaction increases and our emotions become more positive. So basically, all research that has looked at this is like, yeah, this shit is making us miserable. And of course, you know, the teen mind is still developing. So these kinds of, you know, feedback loops that the algorithm is built to exploit,

they're making kids sad and they're making kids kill themselves. And this is how this guy got his $72 billion or whatever. Mark, are the allegations true that you're secretly a lizard? I'm going to have to go with no on that. I am not a lizard. But, you know, keep high-quality comments coming in. Please, this is surely on track to be a great live Q&A if we continue getting stuff at that level of quality.

So mad. Yeah, you always see a post of someone who's like, I'm going to take a break from Facebook. I think it will be good for me. And they come back, and it's almost like they have withdrawal syndromes. Yeah. And I don't know, Sean. All those days are European, and people in Europe are weak.

So I don't really trust that shit. They can't handle cops shooting at them. So fuck them. They're not Americans. We're rough and tough. We're Wild West. The weak-ass Europeans can't handle Facebook. It is interesting, though, because, like, with all the stuff

that you mentioned, it's like, it is the invisible bully, because it's not necessarily targeting one person or one identity and how they suck, but just our own collective consciousness being collected on this is bullying one another to believe that they're inadequate in a reality

where all of us feel inadequate. There's that great Anyan headline. It was like, Facebook version of relationship going great. But yeah, it's like something where another part of the algorithm, as I have learned to demonstrate it, is that posts with more comments

will bump to the top of your feed because they want to show you arguments. They want to show you people fighting with each other. And you know what? That is the part of Facebook that you can't get from any other entertainment you're welcome sean by the way is you can you can watch you know people that you've sort of met have mental breakdowns in real time right yeah and they can put ads on that and that's why they get like almost three combined with with Google, three-quarters of the ad traffic because there's no other entertainment platform that can compete with people screaming racial slurs at each other. Facebook is actually out of nearly 200 US companies.

This is from Bloomberg with at least $15 billion in yearly sales. Only five have a wider operating profit margin than Facebook. So those five are Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, Visa, Gilead, whatever that is, and Altria, whatever that is. You know, Twitter... I mean, we are a business podcast, Nancy. Yeah, like Twitter sort of tries to have the same thing where you're right in the moment and you can see an argument unfolding.

Right. But they also don't have the infrastructure to support all of these clever advertisement, the dynamic advertising and whatnot. That is really tied into what they think are the most meaningful interactions between people. Well, that's the thing. One thing that the Zuckerberg research that I did taught me was that the social networking sites pre-Facebook, so Friendster and MySpace, the issues with them were that they felt very clunky and that you could tell what was an advertisement versus what wasn't. And so the innovation of Facebook was that it kind of all flowed together seamlessly,

similar to how Craigslist works where it's not. It's a very bare-bones type of package. But that's also the problem is that they're masking their paid advertisements as real people's real opinions so now what you think is two people fighting about something is actually just one corporation letting you know that their product exists it's like you know oh my god check out this fight between this little person and this albino filmed on the new sony camera like it's like it's like well what is this? Am I watching two people fight or is this an advertisement for the camera? Because the footage is amazing.

Right. I mean, I just wanted to watch two people fight. I wanted to watch two homeless people fight for a meal, not get advertised to. You scumbags. Right. I mean, that example is clearly 100% true to Sean's life. But that's the thing that's most damaging about Facebook is that it kind of is an invisible hand and in many ways scarier than the big brother of 1984.

The year Mark Zuckerberg was born. Oh, fuck. I hadn't thought of that. Also, just one other thing about Facebook addiction. In 2014, I grabbed this off Wikipedia. In 2014, the site went down for 30 minutes, prompting several users to call 911. Yeah.

Just the idea of swatting Zuckerberg or something. 911, what's your emergency? Hi, Facebook is down. I can't post about how I'm enjoying this potato. I baked it at a higher temperature do you like this

what if you call 911 and you'd be like I'm in acre 300 of Zuckerberg's 700 acre Hawaii mansion I can see he has a gun he's holding it to Priscilla's head. You need to deploy SWAT. Sir, sir, calm down. Is this on Facebook Live?

No, it's on Periscope. Well, we can't help you then. I'm sorry. Unfortunately, that's a competing entity. We don't follow any leads based off non-Facebook related media. That's one thing I want to mention. I'm not sure. Does Hawaii even have SWAT teams?

I'd like to imagine they're too chilled that's our teams you know the other thing about uh um facebook that's very corrupt is one of the i think it was funny or die heads was talking about how you know freelance content on the internet has been monopolized by facebook because so many people get their content from facebook that you can't even put it anywhere else on the internet has been monopolized by Facebook because so many people get their content from Facebook that you can't even put it anywhere else on the internet without getting the amount of people you want to look at it without Facebook. And it's one of the reasons why

they put Funny or Die out of business pretty much. Right. We want you to know if you were listening to this podcast... But they've also done bad things. I'm kidding. I was one of the 30 under 30s. I love you Funny or Die. You're a good website. Don't blackmail me. Gonna edit all that out. Don't blackball me.

If you're listening to this... By the way, if anyone's making 30 over 30 lists, I qualify. If you're listening to this via a Facebook promotion, please comment and let us know, because we're not sure if this is gonna work out the long run. Because we're using a website that we're mocking to market our thing that mocks billionaires.

We're going to spend $50 to get some Russian click farms to listen to our podcast. And as long as they like, comment, and subscribe, we're kind of okay with it. Do a Putin episode. But I guess we can talk about how Zuckerberg has spent some of his money, particularly we've mentioned his 700-acre Hawaii... Getting to know people. We've mentioned his 700-acre Hawaii mansion, and just to give a quick overview of just the fun little story behind that,

he purchased about 700 acres of oceanfront property in Hawaii in 2014 for between $100 and $120 million. In June 2016, he put a six-foot-high wall around his property, which prompted a lot of very smart Facebook commenters to observe things like, quote, I'm paraphrasing, but a typical liberal puts a wall around his property but doesn't think we need a wall on our border with Mexico. Which, you know, they have a point. We do need a wall on our border with Mexico if Mark Zuckerberg has a wall on his property. But so, basically, he puts up this wall in June 2016, and then

in December 2016, he starts suing to try and gain control of 14 pockets of land that are within his 700 acres that are owned by local families. Just to give a brief history, in Hawaii, they only started private land ownership in 1850,

but that land is transferred down through generations. He's literally doing a redo of the enclosure movement. Oh, yeah. Oh, 100%. It's kind of funny. 17th century. I mean, so basically, one Hawaii state representative accused him of using the same legal mechanisms used by sugar barons centuries earlier to drive native Hawaiians off their lands. Here's the thing, though.

It's not colonialism. It's networking. It's making friends. I think the original slogan of colonialism was you don't get a hundred pounds of tea without making a few enemies. But so basically he A million dollars isn't cool. Global enslavement is cool.

He's like you know what's cooler than a hundred pounds of rubber a day? A thousand pounds of rubber a day? 1,000 pounds of rubber a day. Or we'll cut off your hands. But anyway, so Zuckerberg, in December 2016, he starts this what are called quiet title lawsuits. And those are called that way because they're meant to quiet all challenges to a title of land.

And so the 700 acres he owned were complicated by the fact that, you know, many of the at least 14 pockets of land within it had fractional owners that were descent from generations of, of course, native Hawaiians, you know, and these people might have the temerity to walk through his property, you know, these locals who have lived on the land for centuries. You know, for somebody who really does a great job of fucking over other people's privacy, really gives a shit about his own privacy. It's very, very fucked up.

He also did some of this shit with the house he owns in San Francisco, where he basically raised real estate values, like, 100% by, by like buying a house. And then when he would do construction on it, the other house people would be like, hey, cut that out. He's like, I guess I'm going to buy your house as well. So he owns like one house. He owns a house and then four houses that surround him. And he's like, I think we're going to tear those houses down and build smaller houses on those.

It's like it's it's just global um all it is is zuckerberg saying fuck you i've got enough money to do this and you can't stop me well it's fucked up and and so basically he's fuck you zuckerberg fuck you he sues these people in December 2016, and thankfully the Honolulu Star advertiser broke the story of these lawsuits in January 2017. He withdraws the lawsuits later that month for some reason. But just a – I think his quote went along the lines of like, oh, I didn't realize how much I was hurting people. Well, so – I went around it all wrong, and I'm sorry. Yeah, who knew suing native people to throw them off their land

had any sort of bad... You know, it's like, and I visited Hawaii recently. I went to one museum, and my immediate takeaway was, oh, you shouldn't use legal mechanisms to throw poor people off of their land. You know, and I kind of knew that intuitively too, but I think if you just go to one museum there, you're kind of confronted with the multi-century history of colonialism in Hawaii. Well, with Facebook VR, you don't have to go to the museum.

The museum comes to you. If there's one thing I would criticize the native Hawaiians for, it's stopping after they killed Captain Cook. They were on the right track there. There are multiple stores named after Captain Cook, and I'm like, wow, you guys... Like a knife store? No, yeah, it's like food, like captain cook's food or something it's

like well he doesn't need that anymore um but so basically just to kind of paraphrase from the honolulu star advocate cook's kitchen get your chitlins i mean that just seems lazy in terms of to paraphrase from the honolulu star advertiser article um um there they they filed these lawsuits against a few hundred people many living some dead who inherited or once uh owned interest in what are in these lands uh ownership of these lands is often largely undocumented because as we've said private property was established in 1850 it was often passed down through generations through you know surviving he, these kinds of things. There's not always legal documentation.

And they also just quote one person who's one of these people who was named in these lawsuits who said documenting who is in his family tree owns and what share in the property is too expensive for him and letting shares become further diluted among further generations make the problem worse. And I'm sorry I butchered the quote, but the point is essentially it's hard financially to respond to lawsuits. This is the sixth richest man in the world suing native peoples to try and get them to not walk through his property. And then just the last bit of this story is after this article comes out and there's a bit of a media blow up, he withdraws these lawsuits and gives one of the most bold faced lies Facebook status updates about it.

And I just want to quote a little bit from Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook update about this story. He says, quote, There have been some misleading stories going around today about our plans in Hawaii, so I want to clear that up. He says, as part of... There have been some misleading stories about our plans in Hawaii, and I've been wanting to clear it up.

So he goes, as part of Hawaiian history, in the mid-1800s, small parcels were granted to families, which after generations might now be split among hundreds of descendants. There aren't always clear records,

and in many cases, descendants who own a quarter percent or one percent of a property don't even know they are entitled to anything to find all these partial owners so we can pay them their fair shares we filed what is called a quiet title action for most of these folks they will now receive money for something they never even knew they had no one will be forced off their land and so this is where his bullshit sets in because if you were actually interested in compensating the owners of these lands, there's a lot of things you can do besides a quiet title action. And the way a quiet title action works is owners or anyone who's served or mentioned in the lawsuit has 20 days to respond, and after which point they have no say in the legal proceedings. Wow. no say in the legal proceedings. So this is entirely just lying where his PR people are like,

yeah, you should just say that quiet title actions are the usual way that you establish who you have to give money to instead of just being a fucking bullshit artist who doesn't want native Hawaiians walking through his oceanfront mansion. But yeah, he withdrew the lawsuit in the face of his looming presidential run, so good on him.

Yeah, he's woke now. And he wouldn't give Kanye West a billion dollars. And it's like, what the fuck, bro? Yeah, it's like, did you hear his latest album? I thought it was very woke with the hip-hop he uh yeah he's been he's been on a 50 state woke tour uh this last year and a half uh he's been trying to rehabilitate his image uh he gave this one of the best lines from this was his harvard commencement speech that is in our intro but bears repeating i taught those kids lessons on product development and marketing

and they taught me what it was like growing up feeling targeted for your race i just like the idea of zuckerberg like talking to a bunch of kids whose parents have to work like three jobs because you know they're san francisco or oakland house is being priced out by Silicon Valley billionaires. And Zuckerberg's like, yeah, it's all about brand awareness. You got to work on brand awareness. I like the idea of those kids being like, they taught me what it was like to feel targeted for your race by our advertising model. He sat down with me and my affinity group. Oh, God almighty. He also recently put out a Facebook Live video writing around—

Of him shooting a grandfather to death. He's riding around in a car with the mayor of South Bend, Indiana, who he claims was a friend in college, but the mayor kind of makes a face when he says that. Has just unfriended him on facebook and so he's he's talking about like the struggles of running south and he's and the whole time zuckerberg it's it's a very bizarre video because zuckerberg is recording it on his phone and putting it on facebook live and watching all the comments so he's talking to this mayor who's driving a car but also staring at his phone and the camera. And so you get things like this.

I'm going to take us through a couple of neighborhoods here just because I want you to see what we were up against in terms of vacant and abandoned houses. Yeah, awesome. Yeah, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah, I have enough money to fix this problem But I'm not going to He goes This is one of his 365 day challenges Right oh yeah he does this And like having a travel challenge

Is like one of the whitest You have to It's one of those things where You have a couple 10,000 in the bank at least Minimum yeah It's also people keep on talking about how you know ceos and billionaires the hardest working people in the world and that's how they make all their money and there's you know this guy just walking stumbling around rural america trying to find out

what normal people are like right there's one of the photos he posted is he's feeding a cow milk and it's like buddy buddy wrong move like that's not hey man you feed a cow hay you know well you know what I say to Mark Zuckerberg unlike William Shatner who lives like common people common people killed their wife in a pool.

What? There's a lot of rumors about his presidential ambitions. We've obviously talked already about them. He went to Alaska one time during his trip. He made a lot... It gets cold here. He made a lot about the Alaska fund that's sort of like a universal basic income. So we're doing this virtual reality tour where the guy

from Into the Wild starved to death. There's not a lot about his actual platform, but he does talk about basic income. But it's more along the standpoint of like um would this has bipartisan support there's also like conservative people who want to get rid of the social safety net like ubi right and that's his sort of his main sort of neo neoliberal conception of the ubi he was scouting Inuit ancestral lands to buy.

That was the real reason, but his public reason was to promote UBI, but really. If you all had UBI, you could all evict native people from their lands. I think lastly... Silent title lawsuits for everyone. The thing I really want to mention is the fact that Jeffries was talking earlier about how

Facebook has more money than Boeing and outside of the data centers. Well, Boeing is worth less than Facebook by a considerable margin. And they have fewer employees and have way less capital assets. Right, right. And Boeing's making airplanes

for people to do shit. Facebook, outside of the data centers that they're using... Shit like fly into the World Trade Center. How many towers has Facebook taken down? We'll never know. Because I can tell you... Not only two. I mean, they've got some people to jump out of towers.

Not as many as Boeing, though. Oh, boy. Actually, I think it would be comparable. I really stepped in this episode. people to jump out of towers not as many as boeing though oh boy actually i think i really stepped i really episode there's no facebook tower seven video i'll tell you that much i like how palmer scolded me for being misogynistic in the last few episodes and mccarthy just ran a muck on this one i really i went all in i was like we're this. I should look as terrible as possible. But the main thing is that Facebook's worth is about the fact that all of us use it. And the reality is that it's slowly killing us. Well, yeah.

The thing with Facebook is the Facebook that you're using isn't the product. You are the product. Right. Right. And ultimately, from a larger perspective, economically, Facebook is really just a parasite that kind of sucks in money from people who actually make things to – and you could make the argument that it connects people with products. But it's mostly to manipulate people to buy things. It really is stealing your time. At the end of the day, the entity Facebook is making us all lazier, more depressed, and less adequate

to face the society we're truly in. Make sure to like and share this episode on Facebook. And on Friendster. Just a couple things I really want to get to real quickly is I want to get to the Rohingya thing. Just for people who don't

know the story i mentioned it earlier but basically um in october 27 late 2017 um the government in myanmar um murdered at least 6 000 rohingya muslims they displaced more than 600 000 driving them a lot a lot of them across the border into bangladesh and just kind of the weird thing about what went on there is facebook of course operates in operates in Myanmar with permission from the government. So a lot of people were pointing out that Facebook was censoring and deleting and suspending accounts that would share evidence of these atrocities against Rohingya people, while at the same time, you know, keeping verified government military accounts who are keeping this ethnic cleansing going on verified and promoted and not taken down. Like there was some –

We find that exposing war crimes and crimes against humanity makes it harder to connect people. And that's our mission. Right. So there's a general, the commander-in-chief of – I enjoy that impression more than anyone else in this room. Yeah, clearly. There's a general, the commander-in-chief of Myanmar's armed forces, according to the New York Times, who's carried out the crackdown on the Rohingya.

And this is a brutal crackdown with, you know, rape, mass execution. It's horrible what happened to the Rohingya people. He has more than 1.3 million users on his verified Facebook account. A post from September 15 describes the operation, again, mass rape and murder and burning houses, as a response to an attack to a, quote, attempt of extremist Bengalis in Rakhine State to build a stronghold. This is after an attack on a remote border post. And, you know, there was another case of, you know, Facebook not taking down posts about essentially Rohingya setting fire to their own houses and these kinds of things. So basically, you know, I'm sure they would plead, you know, it's not our fault. It's the algorithm or whatever. But there's also these situations in the Philippines where Facebook wants these governments to allow them in, Myanmar, the Philippines, these repressive governments.

So they kind of censor opposition to these governments, maybe unintentionally, but they certainly don't censor the governments themselves when they are printing, they are posting lies and incitement to violence and these kinds of things. And a lot of people make the argument that Facebook in the Rohingya ethnic cleansing was used in a similar way to a radio was used in a um a rwanda i think that a strong central government is good for bringing people together especially one that eliminates the parasitic elements within their society i will say he is the only billionaire who's in an interracial relationship, and I do like that. Unfortunately, I don't think he eats the butt, though.

I don't think he goes down. I don't think he's the only billionaire. The only one we've covered so far. I guess. Name another one. You've got to eat that butt. I don't think there are any others. Any that we've covered?

No, I'm trying to think. Bezos doesn't. Bloomberg's got a white girl. Musk's got a white lady. Musk prefers a blonde white lady. That's true. But yeah. Nothing to do with the politics of South Africa, people.

Before we run out of time, I do want to... And that's just not true. Before we run out of time, I do want to play just a short clip from the Q&A between two billionaires, two of the greatest Jewish billionaires, two of the most socially aware people on the planet Earth. Honestly, the question begs itself, what's the deal with these billionaires? Basically, Jerry Seinffeld was in the facebook headquarters i think to promote comedians and cars getting coffee and he did a facebook live q a with mark

zuckerberg and it's just 16 minutes of pure awkward but it's your comedian it's actor and cars it's a coffee rich jews that think they're better than the person they're sitting next to it's the best it's so good they both try to like mog the other one alpha male of the group so i went to the bike shop right last weekend um and i didn't even have a bike when i decided to do this right that's a great smell the bike shop isn't it um the rubber and the no i didn't notice any you didn't notice the smell no i'm not i'm not a very love the smell of a bike shop well i think it's my first time in a bike shop, so I went and got a bike. Seinfeld was just trying to do his observational thing,

and Zuckerberg just immediately became kind of like a villain character from the show Seinfeld. Oh, so good. Later on in the clip, Seinfeld complains about how hard it is for 17-year-olds to sign up for the website. Oh, man. But I think our takeaway with zuckerberg is very simply that although he wasn't financially backed by exploiting people directly he now allows the exploitation of literally every single person that uses facebook to benefit

himself and his family, even though they're using a good chunk of their net worth to cure all diseases, in theory. Zuckerberg does not think Facebook is a success unless they get the Chinese market, and I don't know if he'll get that ever in his lifetime. Yeah, also, it should be noted, we didn't really talk about this,

and a lot of corporations do this shit, but a Dutch newspaper newspaper uh nrc handles bald blad i'll link to it but basically they conclude it'll be on the tumblr basically that newspaper concluded from the paradise paper is that facebook pays quote practically no taxes worldwide because they do this usual irish shell company which feeds to a Cayman Islands shell company bullshit. Shell company. But, you know. Oh, shell company. The tax, the tax of being dodged.

But, yeah, you know, Facebook, it makes billions of dollars getting U.S. kids to commit suicide and it doesn't even pay taxes that may or may not go to mental health services that are getting gutted. Making the world more open and connected. Oh my god, it's a secret cult. Sorry, I laughed over the cult part. Put yourself in post. I could, yeah.

But yeah, long and short is the Facebook algorithm is designed for an advertiser model to a gather as much data as possible some of which they share with the nsa through the prism program there's another thing we didn't get to but uh they gather as much data as possible they sell everything they fucking can you know unless you opt out again and again and again they make it as hard as possible to opt out of all this stuff they've had you know numerous lawsuits over this stuff they gather as much data as possible they sell it to advertisers they make you depressed through their algorithm so you keep using facebook because you need that

validation and they just make you fucking miserable because facebook is not real life you know it's people present a false version of the world uh through their facebook where everything's great and you're just like wow my life fucking sucks because everyone on this website is having so much fun and nobody likes my posts and everybody hates me. And this is not autobiographical. And he didn't give Kanye West a billion dollars. That's true. I know that it seems crazy.

I didn't care for Yeezus. I know it seems crazy that I'm this angry about this part of it, but if any billionaire should be cool enough to give an African-American musician a billion dollars to do whatever he wants, why shouldn't it be Zuckerberg and Kanye West? I think he needs to return to his roots and graduation. The experimental stuff just isn't connecting with me. Stay tuned for the... Fuck you, Zuckerberg.

Fuck you. Stay tuned for the Grubstakers LLC, where I cut the other three out. Name one genius, then I'll cut you. Not if I get to it for a show. All Zuckerberg, all the time. All right, this is going off the rails. Anything else to get to before we're gone? Steven, you got anything else?

Palmer? McCarthy? Just, you know, don't let the Russians hack our election again. Fuck you, Zuckerberg! Fuck you! And with that, my name is Yogi Pollywall. I'm Sean McCarthy. Steven Jeffries. Andy Palmer.

Thanks for listening, guys. See you next week. She came from Greece. She had a thirst for knowledge. She studied sculpture at St. Martin's College. That's where I caught her eye. She told me that her dad was loaded. I said, in that case, I'll have a rum and Coca-Cola. She said, fine. And in 30 seconds time, she said,

I want to live like common people. I want to do whatever common people do. I want to sleep like common people. I want to do whatever common people do. I want to sleep with common people. I want to sleep with common people like you. Well, what else could I do? I said, I'll see what I can do. I took her to a supermarket. I don't know why, but I had to start it somewhere.

So it started there. I said, pretend you've got no money. She just laughed and said, oh, you're so funny. I said, yeah? Well, I can't see anyone else smiling in the air. Are you sure you want to live like common sure? You want to live like common people? You want to see whatever common people see? You want to sleep with common people?

You want to sleep with common people? Like me? But she didn't understand. She just smiled and held my hand. Red to black to barbershop. Cut your hair and get a job. Outro Music Just climb the wall. If you called your dad, he could stop it all. You'll never live like common people. You'll never do whatever common people do. You'll never fail like common people.

You'll never watch your life slide out of view and dance and drink and screw. Because there's nothing else to do. Sing along with the common people. Sing along with the common people Sing along and it might just get you through Laugh along with the common people Laugh along even though they're laughing at you And the stupid things that you do Cause you think that poor is cool Like a dog lying in a corner, they'll bite you and never warn you. Look out.

They'll tear your insides out. Because everybody hates a tourist. Because everybody hates a tourist. Especially one who thinks it's all such a lie. Yeah, and the chip stains grease will come out in the bath. You will never understand how it feels to live your life with no meaning or control and with nowhere left to go. You're amazed that they exist and they burn so bright while you can only wonder why. When you're flat, but a shop.

Cut your hair and get a job. Smoke some fags and play some pool. Pretend you never went to school. But still you'll never get it right. Cause when you've laid in bed at night. Watching roaches climb the wall If you called your dad He could stop it all Yeah

You'll never live like common people You'll never do what common people do You'll never fail like common people You'll never watch your life slide out of view And dance and drink and screw Cause there's nothing else to do you