Gutfeld! Monologues - A Liberal Fellow With The IQ Of Jell-O

Episode Date: August 2, 2023

As seen on Gutfeld!, FOX News Contributor, Kat Timpf, Host of The Wise Men Podcast, Tyrus, FOX Across America Host, Jimmy Failla, and former Deputy National Security Advisor under President Trump, K.T. McFarland, reveal who they believe are some of the 'smartest' members of Congress.   Later, the panel discusses why critics say it's unsavory to cast Hugh Grant as an Oompa Loompa in the upcoming film, Wonka.   Follow Greg on Twitter: @GregGutfeld Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Host of Fox Across America, Jimmy Phala. run for safe haven when they see this political maven. Former deputy national security advisor, K.T. McFarlane. Her fiery rants make snowflakes with their pants. Fox contributor, news contributor cat tube. And he's never had to rent a forklift. My massive sidekick in the NWA World Heavyweight champion, Tyrus. Who is this idiot?

Tonight on Who is this idiot, New York Democratic Congressman Dan Goldman. He's the heir to Levi Strauss and dumb sht comes out of his mouth. Goldman emerging from yesterday's deposition of 100 Biden. former associate, Devin Archer, came up as a total idiot. Let me put it this way. He makes Jerry Nadler seem like a member of Mensa. He's so dumb his nickname on the Hill is AOC. At issue, Hunter putting then VP Joe Biden on speakerphone during business meetings when he was on the Burisma board,

with the only shocker being that either of the Biden's was smart enough to work a speakerphone. Left on his own, Joe's more likely to get his foot stuck in a toaster. Joe on a speakerphone. I bet that was like showing fire to a caveman. During those calls, Hunter was always on his best behavior. Sometimes he might stop masturbating. That's two now. But Goldman is denying any influence peddling. I wonder if it was all casual conversation, niceties, the weather. What's going on? It was all casual conversation, niceties, the weather, what's going on. There wasn't a single conversation about any of the business dealings that Hunter had. So it's just how's it going, Pops? Getting enough suns sniff any new heads lately? It's a beautiful day to fall off a bicycle.

Take any trips lately? I don't know. And I bet most of the time, most of the time Biden didn't even know who the people were at dinner. Most of the time, now President Biden didn't even know who the people he was at dinner. He was just asked to say hello. And he would, you know, talk about the way. He described it several times. They asked over and over and over. He described what the weather was. Again with the weather. The last time Joe cared about the weather, Noah was wrangling animals to beat the flood.

I guess Dan Goldman thinks were as dumb as he is. But maybe they were talking about the weather. Like whether or not to squeeze more cash out of those jumps. KT, this, oh, I've got to read this too. Meanwhile, former President Trump has been indicted for the murder of Elvis Presley. So, KT, he was taught, you can't, you can't, 20 phone calls, talking about the weather. Okay, so here's how this happens. When a vice president, President of the United States is getting on the phone with somebody, you can just pick up the phone and say, hi, how you doing, how's the weather?

There's a big talking points. You get the bullet points. What are you going to talk about? Obviously, his son has said, dad, you know, do this when I give you the wink. Say this, say this, say that. So there's no way. The other thing is that there's always a record kept. So somebody has a transcript of these conversations, or at least a summary of these conversations.

Number two, the Trump indictment, you know what this is all about? It's that couldn't get rid of Trump, President Trump, with impeachment and all the other stuff. Now they want to bankrupt him because he has to pay for his own legal defense. He's already spent $60 million defending himself. He will get to $100 million in a very short period of time. And even for a billionaire, you know, $100 million, you kind of pay attention to that. That's a lot of golf clubs. That's a lot of golf clubs.

All right, Tyrus, I don't think, I'm not even a big fan of impeaching Biden, but when I see what they're doing to Trump, this is a political prosecution. You've got to fight back. This is where you have to stay the course, especially if you're a Republican, Senator, or Congressman. Because if you impeach Biden and you don't have the moderate Democrats on board, you're lessening the blow of the crimes that were committed before. The basically the four-year coup to get him out of office, all the things that they did. And we do it. And now that the Republicans do it now, it's basically whitewashing what was done. So you don't.

Let the people vote on Biden. But the, because we're seeing America, Trump changed things, and they can't go back, no matter how much they want to go back to behind the door deals and getting American people to argue over race and abortion and things that don't always affect everybody every day and let them make their money. And Trump changed things. He made it transparent. So they're coming at them, was it 71 counts, basically, all pretty much the same thing.

They just change the sentences around three or four times because they got to get him on one because one's worth 12 years, or at least long enough to keep them up, which is going to be, awesome because it's going to be the first time we're probably going to have a president in the penhouse instead of the White House. Like it's going to be, and I'm assuming he's going to pardon himself. I'm not a legal advisor on his team, but when you get elected, my first move would be go ahead and pardon yourself, brother. That's the first thing I do because they're not going to stop. But you know what I'm saying? Like, don't let me get arrested. I love.

Kat, I love the idea of a president in prison. It's like a great sitcom, you know? Do they still have sitcoms? I don't know. I'm very old. But that would be a great show. What do you think? What are your thoughts in general? I was going to say about your idea for the show. I guess I'm confused a little bit about the Biden phone calls. So is this guy is saying that 20 times he just Hunter called his dad to talk about the weather during essentially a meeting. Right. Yes. He needed to know. Has anyone ever seen that in a meeting? Yes. Yes. Every mob boss movie in America.

I have like, well, I just think, I can't believe nobody's asking the one question that I would ask, which would be did anybody else call their dad? Yeah. Because if not, then clearly they were just calling the guy whose dad was the vice president. Right. Yeah. And I feel like the thoughts on the Trump indictment, it's like, didn't we already talk about the last one and other one? Nobody changes their mind. Everybody sees it the exact same way as they've seen every other thing. and we're just going to keep yelling at each other and yelling at each other until we die.

Yes. He just described cable news. Jimmy, last word to you. Try to make it, you know, intelligent. Oh, stop it, Gutfeld. First of all, it's so preposterous that they had 20 phone calls and he wasn't involved.

Yeah. Like, where has that ever happened? Like, you're walking down the street, the guy's a clipboard, he's like, do you have a minute for climate change? No, so I'm going to call 20 times just so you know. I don't have a minute.

But could you imagine talking to Biden about the weather? Like, imagine that's sunny out. Oh, sunny, he was great in the Godfather. I loved him. He was amazing. Nobody is any. It's a totally preposterous. Like, I would buy that he didn't know who he was at dinner with

if it happened yesterday because he has no idea, but this is a five-year-old, you know, charge. So it's clearly a scam. There was some type of a fix-in. And I just love that you keep calling out Hunter because there's no market for him to get this money unless his dad is the vice president of the United States. You know, I mean, you've seen the laptop, okay?

He's more Catholic than Joe. He's celebrating Palm Sunday every day, you know? Oh, yeah. Just say it. That's three. Why would you get the money? Yeah, exactly. At least I clean mine up.

But see, here's the thing. They have really up the stakes now because they haven't gone after Hunter Biden. And so they are desperate. If Donald Trump gets elected again or if any Republican, they're going to go after those guys. So you've got election interference. You ain't seen nothing yet. We got to move on, but that's a great point, KT. Up next.

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Market and move on. Market and move on. First up, cyber security experts warn that hackers could hack into AI sex bots and use them to blackmail or even kill their owner. Kat, could they just blackmail him by holding on to the receipt? Yeah, I mean, I guess it's a good thing humans never do this to each other. Yeah, that's true. Like, someone you have sex with might kill you. Like, yeah.

Trying. But it is true, Tyrus. I mean, you're having sex with something that's recording you. It has a camera. It's called a woman with a phone. Save all your texts, they save all your conversation and arguments. Trust me, bring the AI on.

Cup of water, she ain't going to make it. Boy, when he get consciousness, if you spill water on them, that's murder. We have to stop playing these stupid games. It's a fucking robot made by dumbass people and their thing is the AI might blackmail you. You have bigger problems. You're banging a toaster of it and looking for a lot.

Okay, like everybody in the hotel didn't see you with the giant suitcase, carrying her in, asking the guy for an extension cord to get her closer to the bed. Come on, man. This is ridiculous. This is such a great point, KT, because they never tell you where to keep the doll, like when you're having people over. It's like, don't go in the closet. You run out of the room going, the Wi-Fi's down. The Wi-Fi's down. Oh, God, what are we going to do? Like, just stupid. I'm not going to possibly compete with that. I mean, Tyrus, this is so exciting that you think in these ways. She's trying to, she's trying to, like,

that was a compliment. She's trying to pawn out. She doesn't want to respond to the topic. But I think, I mean, this is something you are so familiar with. You were, you got in, you got on in the early ground floor of just inflatable dolls. But I will say this, because if you've seen them in person, like, these dolls are actually so realistic. The only way to stop them from having sex is to marry them. Oh, yeah.

Nicely done. Love you, Jenny. Tyrus makes a brilliant point, okay? You can't blackmail a guy who's banging a doll because he clearly doesn't have any humans in his life to be embarrassed in front of it. You know what I'm saying? Nobody wants to watch a porno called Debbie Does Tech Support. You know what I'm saying? That sounds like fun.

I watch that. Plus, not to mention, I'm sure every family that he's involved with, he's always borrowing the dishwasher at weird hours of the night. I mean, you got to clean it. Dude, it is. It is. We should move on now. This is getting gross.

It is gross. He's banging a robot. Yes. As gross as it gets. Oh, you haven't heard this part. All right. Hugh Grant, get this. has been cast as an oompa-loompa in the upcoming Wonka movie,

angering little people who think the role should have gone to me. Think about it, though. Thank you. Thank you. Tyrus, who should I should be in the, I should be in Oompa. No, you shouldn't. You should not. You should not.

None of the children would get candy, be looking for him everywhere, find him with wine, talking about oopalubas about revolution. and everything else and they're not getting enough wages. Candy's not enough for oompa and would have to off you somewhere. This is stupid. Upalupa is not a real thing. Last time I checked, there's no orange, green-haired people on purpose that were born that way, looking for that job.

He's an actor. That's like saying elf can't be elf anymore because the one who played the little elf buddy or his father was the wrong person. It's a movie. Barbie, all that stuff. They're movies. Stop. It's not you. Let it go.

Best actor got the job. He's a legendary actor. He'll be great. I don't know. You know, Jimmy, this is the second Wonka reboot. Why are we rebooting reboots? I know. We're just so out of ideas. Is there a third? Yeah, this would be the third one. I think you're missing the point, too, that Hollywood's now so woke, it's a peanut-free chocolate factory. They don't want his... It's so sick. But you know why I hate this? Like, I agree that he's a great actor, but it's like, in the name of this type of inclusion thing, they're now taking away, like,

the seven jobs that exist for dwarfs in Hollywood. I know. We talked about this with Snow White. It's like, in the name of equity, we're going to cut the amount of dwarf jobs in Hollywood down to one. You know what I mean? We're going to make you feel better about the fact. Yeah, like, wokeism actually always hurts the people it goes after. That is true. But you would have been in the movie in another world.

It's just so many. I'm already orange. I know, but there's so many kids. They don't want your ankle bracelet going off every time you go near one. What am I doing here? Just some tough, love. Just some tough. Look, we moved away from the sex pot. Now we're talking about Hugh Grant. This is easy.

Oh, Hugh Grant's good. I mean, he's actually a really nice guy. Oh, have you met him? Totally. He plays golf with my husband. You know, the guy wears a bowtie and my sweet old question. Really? I should have gone to you so you know Hugh Grant. He's a very nice person. He's a lovely man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's a good golfer, too. He's very earnest about his golf. Oh, well, I don't like him then. Yeah. Kat, do you know Hugh Grant? Do you know anybody named Hugh? No. No, neither do I. I don't know any, maybe one, but he passed on. Well, first of all, RIP. Yes, thank you. You don't want to be disrespectful. You don't have to spell the word rip in front of me. Yeah. I don't think we need more Wonka. No? No, you have enough Wonka. Yeah,

come up with something new. No, it's like they did Wonka, and then they read made Wonka, and this is like how Wonka became Wonka. Yeah, it's the origin story. Who's asking for this? The origin story. on strike, right? So they've got to redo the old spot. And they already tell you the origin story and the last one. Yeah. They had made him wear braces, so he hated him and fell in love with candy. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, who cares?

Well, that's, that's, I'm not seeing that movie. Spoiler alert. We're out of time. Thanks to Kate Tim McFarlane. Jimmy Fala, Kat Tin, Pat, Tim. Faris, studio. I'm Greg Gutflin. I love you, America.

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