Gutfeld! Monologues - A Silly New Game Puts President Biden To Shame

Episode Date: June 15, 2024

As seen on Gutfeld!, Republican Strategist, Erin Perrine, FOX News Contributor Kat Timpf, Host of The Wise Men Podcast Tyrus, and Comedian Jeff Dye play a new game where the guests try and decipher what President Biden just said.   Plus, Gutfeld sounds off on Hunter Biden's criminal convictions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Watch it. Don't hurt yourselves with all that clapping. Happy Wednesday, everyone.

So Hunter Biden is now a convicted felon. Oh. Well, family members say he's upbeat and is already looking forward to the cavity search. Democrat donors will be holding events in swing states to court young voters where they'll offer free beer and emergency birth control. Guess they're hoping to increase Joe's already substantial lead among drunken whores. The governing body world, the governing body world aquatics upheld its ban on transgender women who've been through male puberty from competing in women's races, which means Leah Thomas will not be competing in the Olympics. Leah responded by saying, fine, I'll just take my balls and go home.

Glad I got through that. Whippy Goldberg suggested that Congress make a law to stop men from masturbating, prompting men who've seen the view to say, you've already done a enough. A new study says vegan meat is linked to heart disease in early death, which proves what I've been saying all along, stop eating vegans. A new paper from Harvard researchers theorizes that extraterrestrials could be disguised and living among us. Well, I hate to burst your bubble Harvard researchers, but they're not in disguise. Due to budget restraints late night with Seth Myers won't have a live band next season. But keeping with the show's theme, the band will be replaced with a bucket of diarrhea.

That made no sense. The Honolulu Police Department is advising tourists to bring their valuables into the ocean with them rather than leave them on the beach to be stolen. Lucky for Larry Cudlow, his belongings can float. Why? Why? I don't know. Competitive eater Joey Chestnut says he's gutted after being banned from the Nathan's hot dog eating contest.

However, he will begin mentoring a local hero to take his place. And finally, a New York woman says she quit her nine. to five job to become a professional sex toy tester. She says the only downside is that her bosses are always up her ass. All right. And on a low note. So if Trump wins in November, your tips will no longer be taxed if you work in the service industry. Donald, if you want me to start stripping again, all you got to do is ask.

But this might seem like a small thing to you. But for millions of people, it's not. And it says something larger about Trump and his campaign. Trump talks about stuff real Americans' experience in the real world, not the world of hypothetical fantasy, where democracy is always under attack by Trump and races hide under every rock. The planet will implode in 10 years. And this is considered female.

That's what separates Dems and Republicans these days. They live in the fantasy of luxury beliefs, which takes priority over real world concerns. While Trump finds ways to grow your paycheck, the Dems push fanciful policies rooted in a one-world utopia where we eat bugs and drive cars powered by happy thoughts and placate terrorists with scholarships and free falafel. And if you can't afford to put food in the oven, they have a solution. Take away your oven. Meanwhile, when Trump says terrorists will come here through our open border, it comes true in mere months. because his predictions traffic in reality, which makes Trump the big paradox. He's a billionaire who talks about costs

that Americans understand, like food, fuel, baby formula, and diapers. Do you seriously think Joe Biden is worried about the cost of diapers? With Joe, it's more of a comfort issue. But Trump's made the Republican Party into the party for the worker. The Democrat Party made it for the woke,

a sanctuary for protected elites whose closest experience to crime is when someone writes Wash Me on their helicopter. Look at how the two candidates talk in the campaign trail. Biden claims that electing Trump will mean the end of democracy. Apparently Biden hasn't noticed that Trump won in 2016, but democracy is still with us, barely. Now, Biden's never really explained what the end of democracy would look like, because he can't. And not just because his train of thought derails like a friend. in East Palestine, Ohio.

It's because everything Joe predicts are like his sentences. They never end well. And like his pants, his predictions are backwards until someone has to fix them. Meanwhile, Trump talks about real things, crime, inflation, immigration, as in deporting the millions of illegals, taking advantage of a government too stupid and incompetent to secure its own border. And if you're a terrorist from Tajikistan, then yes, Trump will end your democracy. Cicorcy. Quicker than you can say that goat has a nice ass.

Does. The Biden campaign is also committed to spending trillions battling so-called climate change. Their concerns are based on predictions that have a zero batting average in coming true. And yet they want to take away your modern conveniences while they keep theirs. Meanwhile, Trump talks about lowering gas prices by drilling. Hell, Trump would drill in Mar-a-Lago if he thought there was oil down. down there. And that's the point, because common people would actually benefit from it. See the difference? And now Trump wants to remove the tax on tips, while Biden wants to cancel

college debt. One rewards hard workers and their families, the other steals from them to pay off left-wing freeloaders. And so the electorate sees Trump taking their side, as they see Biden taking the side of who exactly. That's the mystery. What's no mystery is. is why Trump is winning, which is why so many never Trumpers traffic in the imaginary. What have Trump's elected? It's World War III, the end of democracy. See, Biden's campaign is based on what ifs, but Trump is based on what is. But not everyone can see it, or they refuse to see it. The opportunity costs of their anti-Trumpism is too much for them to abandon. Take former Speaker of the House Paul Ryan. Here he is commenting on the what-ifs.

but not the what is. I do think character is this really important issue. If you put yourself above the Constitution, as he has done. But what happened? What turns you on it? But I think it really is his character at the end of the day. And the fact that if you're willing to put yourself about the Constitution, an oath you swear when you take office in federal office,

whether it's president or a member of Congress, you swear an oath to the Constitution. And if you're willing to suborn it to yourself, I think that makes you unfit for office. Does it? He's talking about the Constitution being undermined, which it wasn't. He's talking about character.

Fine, prattle on about character. Some waitress at the Golden Corral and Sparks, Nevada may go home with more money, but no thanks to your principal take on character. Sorry, that's a luxury belief. So it's no wonder Trump is up in every battleground state and that we could be looking at a landslide because the only place the Dem agenda actually works

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see chevron texicoewards.com for more details let's welcome tonight's guess they say good-looking people can't be funny and he's here to prove them right comedian jeff die she can spin the news like a centrifuge

the republican strategist erin perini bathroom graffiti says for a good time don't call cat timp New York Times best selling author and Fox News contributor cat tiff and you can see his colonoscopy on iMacs New York Times bestselling author comedian and former NW.

She knows so long as he I'm sure an international of a depression and Joan Schengang Jim's fantastic Okay, it's time to play What's He's saying

Welcome to what he's saying It's a fun new game where we try to make sense of Biden's inane gibberish I'll play a short clip from a Juneteenth event And each guest will have to guess What the hell he just said?

Roll it. They're old ghosts and new garments trying to take us back. Well, there are taking away your freedoms, making it harder for black people to vote. Or have your vote counted. Closing doors of opportunity, attacking the values of diversity, equity, and inclusion. If you can believe, abating books about black experiences,

trying to erase and rewrite history. All right. There you go. Yeah. I'm going to go to you first, Aaron. I kind of get the gist, but what just happened there? I definitely heard something regarding ghosts and garments and possibly taking us back. So I think he's hallucinating in public because I don't know what else would be happening involving ghosts and garments. All right. Jeff, did you notice something like his mouth decided to leave his body?

Yeah, yeah. This guy has trouble with words for sure. I believe he was saying that goats are somehow black people. And they're taking it back for equity and diversity. Did I win? I don't know. I don't know. I had no idea. Let's play it one more time for Cat and Tyrus. Then we'll go to discussion.

They're all ghosts and new garments trying to take us back. Well, there are taking away your freedoms, making it harder for black people to vote. Or have your vote counted. Closing doors of opportunities. Attacking the values of diversity, equity, and inclusion. If you can believe abating books about black experiences, trying to erase a rewrite history. So, Tyrus, he's talking about a group of very bad things.

He's talking about me, okay? Okay, and that was the most racist I've ever heard in my life. He called us ghosts. He said, we're kicking in doors and taking away everyone's opportunities. He said, we need to go back on the boat. Did you not all hear the same I'm hearing? Stealing books? Yeah, we steal books.

We don't know what computers are. It was the most ridiculous. It was horrible. But I'm trying to figure out who he was talking. I mean, I'm assuming he's talking about Republicans. The one time he was in the right place. He came up being his June 15th, good chance. 97% of the audience is black.

And this was a good time for him to tell it how it is. And apparently, we're stealing everyone's opportunities, and we need to go back on the boat. You don't understand that? A speech right there. He just told America, he just told America to ghost the blacks. Ghost us. I don't know.

All right, Kat. You've heard it twice now. I just thought he said, like, Republicans have a lot of new clothes. Yeah. And don't like black people. No, black people stole the government's clothes. The ghosts have the new garments. Well, I thought ghosts may be white, like white people.

Yes. Okay, okay. Who have new clothes. Has happened to you. You've been ghosted a few times. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Aggressive.

Here's my question. Okay. We have to, like, we have, we have a come to Jesus moment here where this guy cannot run for president. When is he dropping out, Aaron? He has to drop out. I don't think he will. How can you say? That is not, that cannot.

Oh, that happened and also things have moved on. But also, this guy has wanted to be president since the 80s. But he's already president. The only way Joe Biden leaves. office is if he loses or like if he passes away. He's not going, he is going to be on the ballot in November. Ballot access would be a huge issue, like all the complications that go with that. But even if he has like weird mouth twitches in that clip or like the guy very clearly has struggles speaking, he is going to be the Democratic nominee. I just don't see that.

Yeah. Oh, I 100%. He was coded. He's clever. You got to watch him. Sneaky. Giverish, jiverous, black. Jibbribs, drivers, don't touch him. Drivers, jibbis, They need to get out of here. Jibbers, jibbers, boat. Genius. I'm going back to my theory that he's like a mafia dawn. He's pretending to be mentally ill, but then behind the scenes, sharp as a tap. Because he beat the rap.

Yeah, he beat the rap. Maybe President Trump should have been like, what day is it? All right. I'm coming to this. All right, Kat. Let me ask you this. Mama. Have we come to the conclusion that we don't need a president when an invalid is in charge?

Clearly, somebody else is in charge here. The finding moment for me really was the oil cancer. Yeah. Like when he got out there and he said, I have cancer from oil on my mom's windshield. And then we moved on the next day like he didn't say that. Yeah. I mean, like, the president says I have cancer. And then we just like are like, yeah, he didn't.

And then like his press team's like, oh, he just said he's been affected by cancer. No, he didn't say that. After I saw that and everyone just like moved on going about their day. Like that didn't happen. Of course. He can do whatever. He can do that nine million times over. And then everyone just going to move on like it didn't.

happen. You know, everybody here in their head is kind of okay with him being the nominee. There's a chance he could win. But I swear to God, if he was the airline pilot and you were boarding that plane, you would all get the fuck off. You would. Why are you okay with this? No, no, no. I wouldn't want him to be my cashier at McDonald's. Okay. I'd be like, I'm never getting my order. Walmart greeter. Mixing handshakes in front of my... Oh, come on, man. It's so true.

It's like we have to put him in perspective. You wouldn't let him walk your dog. Well, who won? What's he saying or not? Yeah. Did I win? Did I win? I think Tyrus won.

Because he's black. Yeah, two teams. Happy to lose him. The president is kicking me out. When's my boat coming? All right. Jeff Dye. Eric Brinney, catch up.

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