Gutfeld! Monologues - A Tale Of Two Administrations

Episode Date: May 22, 2025

As seen on Gutfeld!, Greg mocks Chris Van Hollen after he gets destroyed by Marco Rubio in a Senate hearing. Plus, Greg goes on to contrast the current gladiators of the Trump administration with the incompetent buffoons in the Biden administration. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. It must be a lot. All right, yeah. Okay. Oh, it must be Fleet Week. All right, happy Wednesday, everyone. So according to a new poll, AOC is seen as the face of the Democratic Party. That's great.

You guys got a new face, but you're still stuck with the same assholes. President Trump has unveiled plans for a Golden Dome missile defense shield that could cost tens of billions. Here's a schematic of what the Golden Dome would look like. The best part about the defense shield, he says the Klingons will pay for it. In a house meeting about surveillance, Nancy Mace shared a nude photo of herself that she says was taken without her consent. You'll never guess who asked for an autographed copy. I feel your pain. I feel your pain and your thigh and your arm. Sarah Silverman said she regrets using the N-word

in her old comedy specials. I now will only say it at home. Yesterday was take your kids to work day at the White House briefing room where one kid asked which is Donald Trump's favorite president besides himself. Before the question could be addressed, Trump immediately sent the kid to an El Salvador prison.

Look at him. Sad. Very sad. An ex-assistent claimed Diddy took ecstasy pills that had Barack Obama's face stamped on it. He also had pills with Hillary's face on him, but those were used to induce vomiting. And finally, during Diddy's trial, a male exotic dancer nicknamed the Punisher testified about his participation in the now infamous freak-off orgies. Hmm. Wow, my dry cleaner said he lost that outfit. All right. Let's do a monologue. So it appears the grown-ups are back.

Suddenly Washington has rediscovered what an actual boss looks like. And what happens when you have a great boss? The bossness trickles down. Now, we finally got cabinet members who aren't just competent. They're kicking ass. Take Marco Rubio, whose transformation reminds us of when the Incredible Hulk gets angry, or when Judge Janine loses a shoe. Here's Marco taking Chris Van Allen to the short bus. I have to tell you directly and personally that I regret voting for you for Secretary of State. Well, first of all, your regret for voting for me confirms I'm doing a good job. In the case of El Salvador, absolutely, absolutely. We deported gang members, gang members, including the one you had a margarita with.

And that guy is a human trafficker, and that guy is a gangbanger. and the evidence is going to be clear. In the days to come, you're going to see who you went to the law. I'm sorry, Mr. Chairman, he can't make unsubstantiated comments like that. Secretary Rubio has the floor. Secretary Rubio should take that testimony to the federal court in the United States because he hasn't done it under oath. Here's another point, okay.

There is a division in our government between the federal branch and the judicial branch. No judge, and the judicial branch cannot tell me or the president how to conduct foreign policy. I haven't seen a mismatch like that since Randy Weingarten sat on a chair. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. This episode is brought to you by Amazon Prime. From streaming to shopping, Prime helps you get more out of your passions. So whether you're a fan of true crime or prefer a nail-biting novel from time to time, with services like Prime Video, Amazon Music, and fast-free delivery,

Prime makes it easy to get more out of whatever you're into or getting into. Visit Amazon.com slash Prime to learn more. And it's only possible when you got the wind of Trump at your back and no fear of the wind coming from the flatulent left-wing mob. And Rubio's not alone. The entire cast of unintimidated ass kickers is growing real fast. Just take a look at this murderer's row. If I offend anybody today, I don't give a...

I don't give a shit what you think about me. Well, I have... Our people are now the sickest people in the world. Seriously. Because you have not done your job. You don't care about wasting tax dollars. Senator Ricketts does. And the problem...

And I'm gonna do my job because the American public... And the problem... ... cares about us not wasting tax dollars. If you want to talk about someone who was attacked by a weaponized bureau, you're looking at him. And now he's the director of the FBI and he's cleaning it up. I don't really care, Margaret. I don't want that person in my country.

And I think most Americans agree with me. agree with me. No more pronouns, no more climate change obsession, no more emergency vaccine mandates, no more dudes in dresses. We're done with that. Yeah. Huh? Tell you what? I haven't seen so many bad asses since Cudlow had his 80th birthday at a nude beach. But all of them are energized because they know something changed. Trump's back, and he has your back, so they've showed up to fight. Now, let's contrast that with Team Biden, the island of misfit DEI hires. Last year's starting lineup, Kamala Harris, the borders are who managed to make the border worse.

But by losing to Trump, she proves drinking does make your problems go away. remember my yorkas the guy threw his own agents under the bus lied about having control of the border and on top of that looks like a ball sack after a fresh waxing Pete Buttigieg went on a three-month paternity leave before they even knew he was gone let alone pregnant this guy was as useless as crowd control at a just Jesse Waters' book signing. Secretary of State Blinken became a Nero in mom jeans, playing guitar while our

foreign policy burned. 13 service members died under his watch. Luckily, his boss totally forgot about it. Lloyd Austin, our defense secretary, hid that he had prostate cancer. Hmm, where have we heard that before? Do you realize that means at one point our military had no commander in chief

and no secretary of defense? If Aruba decided to invade us, we would have been f***. But I guess that's how you get a mentally ill dude in charge of nuclear waste who moonlight has a luggage thief. Under Biden, staffers were taking it in the ass at a Senate conference room and filming it. I was not there. And what about Binder, right, whose job was to sell us all this shit? She instilled confidence in this administration the way the view instills confidence in weight watchers.

Didn't matter because the media played along. Hell, they carried so much water, camels tried to have sex with him. But there was no top guy, and it showed with the rest of these clock watchers. When your boss inspires naps instead of nerve, success is never an option because failures expected. I think the Biden administration's motto was, we do less before 9 a.m. than dead people do all day. But now it's changed.

Entire departments, they're not worried about disappointing the media or the bureaucrats. They want to please Trump and, by extension, all of us. Trump knows leadership doesn't come from special days, hashtags, and platitudes about inclusion. It comes from expectations. It comes from pressure and a vision for what's great.

Which is why we went from a president who forgot names to a White House who's kicking ass and taking us. and taking them. Let's be happy. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show ad-free on the Amazon Music app.

This is Jason Chaffetz from the Jason in the House podcast. Join me every Monday to dive deeper into the latest political headlines and chat with remarkable guests. Listen and follow now at Fox Newspodcast.com. Or wherever, you download podcasts.