Gutfeld! Monologues - Alligator Alcatraz

Episode Date: July 4, 2025

As seen on Gutfeld, Greg weighs in on Alligator Alcatraz, compassion, and President Trump. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. All right, okay, all right, all right, all right. Give them back their passports. Happy Wednesday, everyone. So U.Pen has stripped Leah Thomas of his titles in women's swimming and apologized to the ladies he defeated. Hmm. Yeah.

Thomas hasn't complained, further proving he's not a woman. Plant Parenthood has encouraged men to get screened for cervical cancer. Count me in, said one dude. A 21-year-old British woman set a world record by record by rowing across the Atlantic. Apparently, she didn't know how to start the engine. Earlier today, Sean Diddy Combs was acquitted on the top charges in his sex trafficking case. The decision left many critics pissed off and many victims pissed on.

The popular halftime show performer Red Panda was injured after falling off her unicycle at a WNBA game. She was quickly removed from the arena, making her the envy of everyone there. Senseing a theme here. Blondie singer Debbie Harry admitted to plastic surgery because being attractive is a selling point in showbiz. Music experts disagreed pointing to Taylor Swift. Really? A man carrying 16 live snakes on a flight from Thailand has been arrested in India. Meanwhile, passengers were thrilled there was meal service.

New York City tour guides are now giving late-night rat tours around the city. You know, the rats are from New York because they don't speak English. More and more women are flocking to Catholic monasteries with nuns to take a vow of silence. Women call it the vow of silence summer, whereas men call it the vow of silence summer, whereas men call it heaven on earth. Wow, there is a theme. Finally, Europe is in the middle of a record-setting heat wave. In fact, it's so hot in Ireland, Rosie O'Donnell is actually starting to shed. All right. So Trump took a tour of Florida's new detention center for violent criminal illegals. I wonder, what is it known as?

It's known as Alligator Alcatraz, which is very appropriate because I looked outside and that's not a place I want to go hiking any time soon. This facility will house some of the most menacing migrants, some of the most vicious people on the planet. We're surrounded by miles of treacherous swamp land and the only way out is really deportation. That description is so perfect. Maybe Trump should go into real estate. I mean, who cares about how many bathrooms the property has when the neighborhood makes you your pants. So alligator alcatraz is the ice facility surrounded by reptiles, treacherous terrain, and angry Floridians.

Meaning, it's basically no different than a Motel 6 in Gainesville. But don't worry, Trump is providing a course for illegals looking to avoid being eaten. Are snakes fast? Snakes are fast, but alligator's a much. We're going to teach them how to run away from an alligator, okay, if they escape prison. How to run away. Don't run in a straight line. Look like this.

And you know what? Your chances go up about 1%. Okay? Not a good thing. Oh, it isn't, sir. He's our president. And we don't deserve him. The senator will be for the worst of the worst.

The killers, the petos, the rapists who entered this country under Biden, but didn't have time to move to a blue city and run. for office. There'll be 5,000 beds so Van Hollen can pack an overnight bag. But instead of sipping margaritas, he and his buddies can make toilet wine from swamp water, along with 200 security cameras and 28,000 feet of barbed wire. I haven't seen that much security since I managed a foot locker in Baltimore. And it was built in eight days, a testament to Trump. Hell, it takes Biden eight days to empty his bladder.

and who doesn't love the name alligator alcatraz sounds like it came from the great minds behind sharknato i could see the movie poster right now don johnson as the warden and rosy o'donnell as the maryland dad and the man-eating reptiles could be played by these ferocious beasts We'll be back with more Gutfeld. Mint is still $15 a month for premium wireless. And if you haven't made the switch yet, here are 15 reasons why you should. One, it's $15 a month. Two, seriously, it's $15 a month.

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$15 per month equivalent required. New customer offer first three months only. Then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. Seamintmobile.com. So during his visit to Gator Gitmo, Trump couldn't help but remember the left's witch hunt. Who wanted you in here? Biden wanted me in here.

He wanted me. It didn't work out that way, but he wanted me in here. And you know the Gators would have devour Trump. He's meaty and rich. But you could dump old dogs. Joe and the Everglaves covered in ketchup, and gaiters who'd be like, we're not hungry. But the facility is the latest move to clean up Biden's mess, and it's making the left matter than Tim Waltz with PMS. One expert calls the stronghold a human rights disaster. Another calls it

punitive theater. Sorry, Chief. This is punitive theater. Which side are you on? Which side are you on? Trump's coming for our unions, he wants us all to fail, he wants us to bow to him, but we want him in jail. I'm sorry for that. Of course, the media still peddles their phony compassion. Alligators rarely attack people. Pythons rarely attack people. That is extremely performative. These are our friends and our neighbors. These are people who are picking our crops. DeSantis is still governor of Florida, he took the comfy couch hosts on a tour of the concentration camp that he's building in Florida in order to round up people, round people,

and throw them in a camp because he doesn't want them in Florida. Oh, they really wanted to torture people. They put them in a room with Joy Reed. But as always, the Dems pretend to care. Oh, you can't send them there. It's cruel and inhumane. But so was Chicago, and the Democrats sent them. them there. But it's cruel because it's remote and surrounded by gators. You just described every golf course in Florida. Hell, last year, John Daly almost lost his left arm trying to retrieve a six-pack from a water hazard. So any compassion argument is lost the second they waved in the border invasion. They didn't care about the cruelty imposed

on Americans. What compassion was shown to Lake and Riley, Jocelyn Nungary, or Rachel Moran, or to those whose friends and neighbors became Trenda Aragua? What compassion is shown to the illegals who are sex trafficked by other illegals? I could go on all day, but I left my baby with a neighbor. So say the lectures on empathy when yours is reserved for the perps. Meanwhile, Trump proves yet again how his message can do the heavy lifting in terms of incentives. If you're an illegal, would you want to take a chance ending up at a place like alligator alcatraz? Getting bit in the ass by a reptile sure sounds like a disincentive. Just ask anyone who wakes James Carville up from a nap.

But Trump's rhetoric does all the hard work. He puts alligators in your head and you're on the first plane to Tijuana hiding in the wheel well. No wonder Trump already got a million to self-deport. It's the exact opposite of Biden's message. He called for migrants to surge to the border, and boy, did they. But Trump moved the welcome mat from our southern border to facilities surrounded by angry critters. And that alone tells invaders who break the law that the party's over. And it's better to leave now that become a snack later. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts.

And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show ad-free on the Amazon Music app. This is Jimmy Phala, inviting you to join me for Fox Across America, where we'll discuss every single one of the Democrats' dumb ideas. Just kidding. It's only a three-hour show. Listen live at noon Eastern or get the podcast at Fox Across America.com.