Gutfeld! Monologues - America Derangement Syndrome

Episode Date: July 11, 2026

As seen on Gutfeld! Greg talks about how the Socialists are taking over the Democratic party. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Let's welcome tonight's guests. He even whistles while being carjacked. Fox News contributor Tom Shaloo. She's so innocent. She thinks DP stands for Dana Perino. Elections correspondent at the Federalist, Breonna Lehman. I wrote that. He looks like the guy who shows up when you need to move a body.

Actor and comedian Bobby Kelly. And she's so thin. the skeletons in her closet can't fit into her jeans. New York Times best talking out there, 5'0. Before we get to some news stories, by the way, a viewer wrote that intro. Just for your viewers at home, if you ever have good intros. That was from a viewer. All right, so let's do this.

Bread's leftovers. Yeah, a little rusty there, huh? Let's do leftovers where I read the jokes we didn't use this week. And as always, it's my first time reading them. So if they suck, we'll send Joe Mackey to Graham Platner's house dressed as an underage oyster. All right. Palm Beach International has been renamed President Donald J. Trump International Airport. You guys care.

To commemorate the grand opening, Bill Clinton stopped by to do all the cavity searches. Graham Platner is planning to officially end his Senate campaign on Monday. He says he... Okay. He says he doesn't want to leave until he formally rapes the remaining staffers. That's an anti-rape joke, by the way. This week, Sunny Hosten said if she lived in Maine, she'd have held her nose and voted for Graham Platner.

Of course, she's used to doing that sitting next to Whooppy. They fart a lot. A new video shows Mitch McConnell being taken to the hospital. Doctors say he's been upgraded from critical to judge. Joe Biden. Zohan Mamdani attended a groundbreaking ceremony for two world trade center. He reminded everyone to never forget the heroes who lost their lives that day, flying planes into our buildings. I don't know who you're booing. Taco Bell has pulled ingredients off their menu after a parasite has caused a surge, an explosive diarrhea. The menu items affected by this are

are the parasite nachos, the cheesy gordita parasite, and the parasite chalupa. Is there any other kind of diarrhea besides explosive? Write me. Here's a heartwarming story. A nine-year-old's message in a bottle washed up on a New Jersey beach 53 years later. The beachgoers waited in anticipation as they flew in someone from Pennsylvania who knew how to read. Why, I don't know. A judge ruled that United Airlines must face a lawsuit for selling window seats that didn't have windows.

Meanwhile, Joy Behar's neighbors are suing her because her home does. An only fan's model revealed that her co-star saved her life when she felt a huge lump on her breast. Here is a picture of the lump. How'd he get there? shocking photographs reveal the bashed up Tesla that Paul Pelosi allegedly slammed into before driving away. To have the dents removed, Pelosi offered to hire the guy who works on Nancy's face. Got you on that one. A flight instructor jumped from a plane to his death, leaving his female student to land it alone.

Experts say, since it was a female pilot, jumping was the safer choice. That's terrible. A New York City plumber is under investigation for billing 2,600 hours of overtime. Didn't make any sense until investigators learned every hour was spent on this man's toilet. A Texas man has been accused of cutting off his penis

and using it to start a fire. Police are calling him the worst Boy Scout ever. Authorities found a man living hermit style and off grid in an Arizona forest surrounded by a thousand pounds of trash. Police are asking the public if anyone has ever heard of a man named Keith Oberman. Ah, yeah, you remember him. And finally, a National Weather Service chart is going viral as a predicted storm appeared to look like a penis. Here's the map.

That was funny. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. Hey, y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if.

Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home. So what's the latest on the Democratic Party? Well, you saw it this week. Grant Platner's gone, dropping out like Jasmine Crockett and kindergarten. And if you're a woman who, had dated the oyster farmer, the only catch of the day was crabs.

But you got to ask, once again, how did he get so far? Who found this guy? Well, let's revisit the ghoul who did. I said none of this will or should stop him from becoming a U.S. Senator. And what was your thinking there? I think if what the voters wanted were people who were grown in bats and had never done or said anything that they might regret their entire lives, we'd have a very different country. Part of our thesis here is that people do not want their candidates grown in bats. They want people who are real human beings. And they want people who do not look and sound like the vet grown people

who've been leaving this country off a cliff for the last century. And that was Graham. What about that voice? I mean, was he doing that interview during a prostate exam? I mean, how many fingers was the doctor using? Was it just one finger? Oh, my God. That is incredible.

But that's the man behind the mayhem. And by the way, I'm being generous calling him a man. Daniel Moore, the socialist creep who recruited a creep for Senate. During his rigorous vetting process, he magically missed the giant Nazi tattoo. True, he missed more warning signs than me. when John Travolta told me he just wanted a massage. But for each wave of dirt, Dan had incentive to keep Graham in the race

because for every speech and scandal, millions flowed in and Dan got a fat cut. It was like a charity, cashed for creeps. For Platner, every crap storm would make it rain. But in the wake of Graham's perversion, we forget his policies. It's easy to say his behavior is the worst thing about him, but that lets his beliefs off the hook.

He supported Antifa, BLM, free Medicare, trans and sports, DEI, open borders, defunding cops, the whole radical wish list. But he was a white guy with a beard, which is all the Dems wanted. And that's what you get for flunkin biology. The Dems couldn't say what a woman was, and for that reason drove out actual men, which gave an opening for predatory sociopaths who excel in parenting the progressive idiocy of liberal women. But Graham's just a symptom of a bigger disaster. As the DSA takes over the Democrats' headless party, they're now saying what we all knew all along. They want our heads.

We have a unique responsibility to act from the heart of empire, the belly of the beast. The most important thing that we can do is take that empire down from within. Our role ultimately is to facilitate our own empire's failure in ways that we can, ultimately to overthrow our own empire. Imperialism is U.S. imperialism is not a thing that can be reformed away. It has to be overthrown through revolutionary struggle. And to build a mass movement that can use the leverage of workers

to hit the kill switch on American imperialism here within the American Empire. Oh, man. That's a fun little party. But you see, it's no longer TDS. It's ADS, America, Duran. syndrome. And it's gone from a mild rash to full-blown AIDS. And the Democrats have it and were way past the penicillin stage. Now the Dems always had a little socialism, but now it's so ingrained. They're kind of okay with it. It's like Dr. Jekyll is now totally cool with Mr. Hyde. For now,

anyway, because it's going to be a death sentence by socialism unless they grow some balls and a brain. Because after Biden, the Dems have no soul, spine, structure, no game, no nothing, just a terrible smell. And they did it to themselves. So the socialists are on the verge of a full-blown movement that, like MAGA, might come to define their party. And it's up to the Dems whether they're okay with that. Republicans let MAGA become its party because it existed in the realm of common sense and because we both shared in inexplicable fondness for Kid Rock. Maga offers the golden age, the DSA, the Dark Age, with just a dash of anti-Semitism. So what can the Dems do?

Well, they can define themselves by what they're not. Say, we reject open borders in trans and high school sports. We hate cashless bail and ending prisons and defunding the cops. We don't want to end the electoral college, the Supreme Court, and America. We don't want to tax the rich simply because we can. It's time for someone to take the wheel and get the car back on the road. And if it's a chick, I'll pick a different metaphor. Because we can't drive.

Thank you, Katz. The problem for them, it might be too late. Revolutions take their own sweet time until the end. And then when it's happening, the first to go are the people hoping they would be last. All right. Here we are. Listen ad free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show ad free on the Amazon Music app.

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