Gutfeld! Monologues - Are They Aliens From Saturn’s Ring Or A Spy Balloon From Beijing?

Episode Date: April 5, 2023

 Jimmy Failla guest hosts Gutfeld! As seen on Gutfeld!, former Spokesperson for the United States Department of State, Morgan Ortagus, Co-host of The Big Money Show on FOX Business, Brian Brenberg, Host of The Guy Benson Show, Guy Benson and FOX News Contributor, Kat Timpf to discuss Manhattan District Attorney, Alvin Bragg’s remarks following the indictment of former President Trump.   Later, the panel weighs in on the Biden Administration’s nonchalant response to the Chinese spy balloon that floated across the country. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. Let's welcome tonight's guests. As a former Miss Florida Citrus, her talent was having teeth. Former State Department spokeswoman and founder of Polaris National Security, Morgan Ortegans is here. When you talk about the best hosts on Fox Business, he's met both of them. Co-host to the Big Money Show, Brian Brenberg in the house. If he looked any younger, the Democrats would take him to a drag show.

Host of the Guy Benson show, Guy Benson is here. Yes, he is. And she was just indicted today on 34 counts of being awesome. You damn right, Fox News Contributed. Chad Tim is in the house. Hey, everybody. Sorry, it's always shocking. when someone says something nice to me.

Why'd you throw her off like that? I was like, don't know what to do. Are you a little freaked out? In New York, when someone's nice, it usually means they're robbing them. You know what I mean? You're like grab your wallet. But let me jump in on this.

Alvin Bragg spoke shortly before we came on the air, and I want to toss to that really quick before I ask you a question. We cannot and will not normalize serious criminal conducts. Now, I'm going to react to that because, Every woman we know in Manhattan carries two cans of mace in case they run into Joe Mackey on the subway. But stick with it. The point is no woman feels safe in Manhattan. Isn't he already minimizing and normalizing serious crime? That's so interesting because I don't think anybody who's actually super excited that, you know,

Trump got indicted is actually going on and on about the specific crime. You're like, we can't let this ever happen. This was so bad. they go on about how much they hate him and how they want him to go away and he deserves it because he's such a bad person so they really broaden the scope and yeah in New York it's just there's a lot of crime, it's gross, it's ugly

I was in Charleston last weekend and you know we were like talking to a bartender I was with my husband and I was like it's so nice here it's so pretty like there's no needles anywhere and they were like yeah I guess it's like not a thing most other places oh no New York

is just a dump right now. Uniquely disgusting. But on the other side of that, it's also expensive. It is. It's very... At least. It is. New York is like a spiritual dominatrix. It takes all your money. It calls you names. It's crazy. Brenberg, I want to go to you really quick. You told me backstage, you watched all the Stormy Daniels videos to prepare for this. I can't go on this show. I can't go on the show.

It's a thing about you, book a business guy. They're going to do the research. They're going to do the research. They're going to do the research. I'm a scholar. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. He's a good but there's another clip of Alvin Bragg I want to speak to, and I want you to react to this really quick. Can you give me the other brag? That is why we have a history in the Manhattan DA's office of vigorously enforcing white collar crime. This charge, it can be said, is the bread and butter of our white collar work. At its core, this case today is one with allegations like so many of our white collar cases. Now, the reason I made an adult movie joke

is doesn't that read like the thin plot of an adult movie? After all of this, he's trying to sell us class warfare? Well, he said the word vigorous enforcement. I was in my office. I couldn't hear it from the sirens on the street below. Like, I can't hear you above this? The hell of the woman yelling. Okay, can I take this somewhere?

I was watching all this unfold today. This is where my mind goes. Remember the movie Strange Brew? Of Cohen. Bob and Doug McKenzie want a free beer, so they put a mouse in a beer bottle and bring it to the brewery. He put 34 mice in 34 beer bottles, brought him to the brewery, and everyone's like, we see what you did here. There's nothing here.

That's how this played out today. Well, listen, it's still better than when Bud Light did with a beer bottle this week, but we'll get there. We'll get there. We'll get there. Morgan, the Democrats love to, you know, they love to lecture us about the importance of protecting democracy. Yes. But would you say that this is kind of not that to be arresting a major party nominee and having a trial that will kick off in primary? season? Well, not only would I say that, we're seeing foreign leaders say that. The president

of El Salvador came out today and said what you've seen in America is the opposition candidate, the leading person for the presidential nomination, and in fact, beating Biden and plenty of polls, has been arrested. And the president of El Salvador said, how can America, I'm paraphrasing, but essentially, how can America now lecture about democracy in their foreign policy seeing this today? You're also seeing this has united the never Trump and the full Trump parts of the Republican Party, Mitt Romney, gave a very robust defense of the president today. President Trump, that's not something. I thought I would have said anytime soon. Jeb Bush defended him. So, you know, I guess Alvin Bragg has done something. Finally, for the

Republican Party, you got never Trumpers to come around. So, who knew? I mean, you know you're screwed up when you piss off the guy in mom jeans. Mitt Romney, you know what I mean? I like mom jeans. Yeah, no, they're hot. I mean, look, am I going to judge anyone's fashion in what I'm wearing? Not with that pink blazer on. Hey, girl. Guy, let me ask you this, though, for real, on a serious political level, are we being a prisoner of the moment in saying this helps Trump? Because getting past this moment, when it comes time to court, you know, independent voters in the general election, is this baggage going to scare people away? Is that kind of the point of this? First of all, I defend your pink jacket. Yeah, you do.

Yes, you're wearing a pink shirt. Yes, you do. On arraignment day, we wear pink. Thank you. On this show. Hey, Ortegis, how about you? I am too. Thank you. Ortegis. How about you defund the fashion police? How about that, girlfriend? I kidding, we love you. Go ahead. In the moment this does help Trump in Republican politics because of the rally around the flag effect

that Morgan just referenced, and his first job, if he wants to be president again, is to win the Republican primary. So I would imagine his attitude will be, if I get to that point, then I'll figure out how to appeal to independence and that sort of thing. I also think that we're making a lot of declarative,

hot-take statements right now about what this will be. mean nine months from now. I would just pump the brakes on that a little bit. We have very short attention spans in this country. News cycles move very fast. But in terms of fundraising and polls and that sort of thing, and just a genuine sense of outrage, like are they really doing this?

The first time in history is for this. Obviously, near term, this is helping him. Yeah, okay, he's going to make some money. He's raised, what did you say, Brennberg? You're the business guy, eight million? I think eight million bucks, yeah. I mean, Alvin Briggs, the best fundraiser he's ever had and the biggest uniter in the Republican Party. I don't think he set out to do either one of those things. But man, he's succeeding

in that front. Now, is it true because Biden was asked before we came on the air and he didn't comment? Is it because he thinks Alvin has a brother named Simon and Theodore? He's got his cassette tapes in there and he's playing him and fast forward. I told those rascals not to do it. All right. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back. Did you know that at Chevron, you can fuel up on unbeatable mileage and savings? With Chevron rewards, you'll get 25 cents off per gallon on your next five visits. All you have to do is download the Chevron app and join to start saving on fuel. Then you can keep fueling up on other things, like adventure, memories, vacations, daycations, quality time, and so many other possibilities. Head to

your nearest Chevron station to fuel up and get rewarded today. Terms apply. See Chevron-Texcorewards.com for more details. The best coast just got better. Introducing Quantum of the Seas sailing from LA this fall. Conquer next level thrills on the boldest ship in the west, like flowrider surf sessions, bumper cars, and soaring 300 feet above sea level on the North Star, plus more than 15 dining options on board, all between discoveries in Ensenada and even overnights in Cabo. You've never done Mexico like this. Book your Boulder Baja adventure from Los Angeles today. Come seek the Royal Caribbean. Itineraries vary by sale date. Ships Registry Bahamas. Are they aliens from Saturn's rings or spy balloons from Beijing?

Turns out that Chinese spy balloon did more damage to America's Intel community than previously thought, and not just by dropping tons of unsolicited takeout menus. It's good, though. The balloon that flew willy-nilly over America's airspace reportedly sucked up sensitive data from several military sites. Government officials telling NBC news that the balloon was able to transmit information in real time, back to Beijing, proving Biden has two problems with inflation. The Biden administration downplayed the issue on Monday, saying any intelligence had collected had, quote, limited additive value, unlike MSG, which can make or break Kung Pal chicken.

Meanwhile, lawmakers want more funding for the Pentagon office that researches unidentified aerial phenomena formerly known as UFOs. Politicians from both sides of the aisle, bride and groom, are wondering why the Biden administration is underfunding the program for a second straight year, especially in the wake of the spy balloon debacle. So does the Biden administration automatically assume that all aliens vote Democrat? Wondering what Joe Biden thinks of this whole story. No, no, no. I'm not worried about the Chinese balloons.

I'm worried about those mega balloons. Come on, man. I have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. longer sit back and allow the extreme MAGA infiltration, indoctrination, subversion, and the extreme MAGA conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. Not a joke. Guy, is Joe Biden's reluctance to fund the UFO program proof that, Hunter did business in Mars.

I mean, that's just a joke. That's not really a question. Good job. You're getting good at this. So, look, looking at this overall story, I saw the NBC piece. Our colleague, Jennifer Griffin, says that her sources are pushing back on it. But it would not be a huge leap to suggest that perhaps the administration was not fully honest with us about what happened with that spy balloon.

They said, oh, we shut it all down. There was no intelligence gathered. We were, in fact, almost control. it, right? That's what they told us because there was a lot of outrage and questions about why we didn't shoot it down a lot sooner. And if this turns out to be true, that looks worse for them. Remember they shot down like two science experiments? Yep. Like a few days later to overcompensate. My favorite story ever. It's just like they are reactive to everything and not proactive and not honest. So look, with all due respect to the sources, the conflicting

back and forth, I would not be stunned if it turned out that was just CYA BS. Okay, no, I actually agree with that because the position changed so much. My favorite thing in the world, though, that you mentioned was that they shot down some kids' high school science project. Think about this. The oldest, Brenberg, I'll throw to you as you were a professor. The oldest excuse in the world used to be my dog ate my homework. But three weeks ago, a kid walked into a classroom and was like, the president shot down my homework. An F-16 took a missile to my project.

And the teacher had to be like, he's right. So let me ask you, as a professor, does this change the calculus? when kids start giving you excuses. I've got to up my game a little bit of that's excuse I'm going to get. Here's what's fascinating to me. So they said, well, this balloon didn't give them any more information than they're already getting. How much information are they already getting that? This thing was right over every military base.

And remember the Chinese said, well, it just blew in. The thing could do like figure eights and pirouettes and triple sow cows. I mean, it was like a figure skater in the sky. The thing went to spring break. It took selfies. It was amazing. It got interviewed on Watersworld. on spring break. It did everything. It was amazing. So the lies on this thing are just so big,

but like, look, how bad does the Chinese government look on Biden to tell him this was a rain gauge floating in the sky? And they thought he would believe it. And for a while, they did apparently. That's what I was going to ask, because it is. It's so insulting. Let me come to you on this. I took this as a giant middle finger. Like they flew over the whole country, waited until they were over there. In our airspace. Yes. And as Brenberg said, with such a laughable excuse, do you think the rest of the world, not even China, okay? Do you think the rest of the world kind of watches this and forms the same assessment of Biden that, say, China did? Yeah, I mean, listen, any, for example, what happened in Afghanistan and our, the disaster with withdrawal there,

then you see a few months later Russia making the decision to invade Ukraine. So yes, everything, nothing happens in a vacuum. And whenever you sort of pretend this is just like a leisurely hot air balloon that's floating around the country, like the American people aren't stupid, you know, they understand what these things are. But the behavior from the Chinese Communist Party to have this in our airspace was really unprecedented. We kept getting all of these different stories. In fact, at one point, the administration tried to say that this happened during the Trump administration. And I remember, because reporters came to me, I was working in the Trump administration for Mike Pompeo, and I'm like, listen, we were pretty trigger-happy.

Like, if I went to Pompeo or Trump and said, hey, there's a Chinese balloon head at our way, like, they would have been very eager to shoot it down. So we've had a myriad of explanations from this administration. It's probably because we weren't told the truth from the beginning. There you go. Great point. Kat Timp, let me ask you, though. Is China sending spy balloons maybe because they think we really are going to ban TikTok? See, I can't

get over. The thing I can't get over about the spy balloon is how big it was. It was huge. They said the estimate was about three school buses of the size of it. So that was them like trying to be sneaky. Yeah.

Then my thoughts. That's a rain gauge. Then my thoughts go to like, okay, you know, if that's you trying, and then I look at you and how you dress. So, no. No, I actually want to help. I think I might, because you don't go to therapy, so I'm just going to do it for you right now. I just thought of this. Give it to me.

So you wear this ugly stuff on purpose because you know it's ugly, maybe, right? Because you're worried that what if you really tried and then people made fun of something that you really liked your thought was cool, then that might hurt your feeling so much. and you wouldn't be able to handle it. So I'm telling you it's okay to try and fail. Give him a tissue. Give the guy a tissue here. Come on. He's got a brace for it.

And that's what you get for a nice intro. That'll be $300.25. I'm not going to sit here and let you insult my stylist or his seeing eye dog. I don't have to take this. See what I mean? No. See what I mean? Why the self-sabotized?

Well, no. Actually, here's part of the problem. I actually think a lot of people actually like what I wear. Does anybody in the studio like what I wear? See, this is the thing. What you've got to forget is I know it looks ridiculous to self-respecting people. But out around America, a lot of people have, like, properly measured ambition. They know they can't bang Magic Mike, but his cousin, tragic Mike, is wide open.

Boom, before we go, I will be at Banana's Comedy Club. Rutherford, New Jersey, April 21st and 22nd, gas up the Camaro, Maria. And I'm at the Santander, Performing Arts Center in Reading, PA on May 6th, the one bank that hasn't collapsed under Biden. You better be there. Come check it out. Thanks to Morgan Ortegis, Brian Brenberg, Guy Benson, Kat Timp, and our studio audience.

Fox News Ignite with Dreamy Trace Gallagher is next. I'm Jimmy Fallon. On behalf of Greg Gutfeld, I love you, America. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show, ad-free on the Amazon Music app.