Gutfeld! Monologues - Are You as Dumb as a Dog?

Episode Date: September 10, 2025

As seen on Guteld!, it’s evident that Democrats are leaning toward socialism. And are you as dumb as a dog? Test your wits and join us as Greg takes a deep dive into the world of his contestants—you won’t want to miss this! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Two-thirds of Democrats now view socialism positively. The remaining third are waiting in line for bread. Two FEMA employees were fired for watching porn while at work. In their defense, the movie was called Hurricane Katrina. and a lot of things got blown. Actor Michael Cain is coming out of retirement at age 92, and he says, with some old age makeup, he's ready for the lead in the Joe Biden story.

Illinois Governor J.B. Pritzker said illegal migrants are our neighbors and friends. He followed up by saying, and they can keep a secret when I ask them to bathe me in a car wash. It's possible. Earlier today, Apple CEO, Tim Cook, introduced the new iPhone 17. Hmm, 17. I'll take two, said one man. Apparently, thieves are walking into hotels to eat the free breakfast and getting a

with it. According to witnesses, they often travel in groups of five. According to a new study, Gen Z has an attention span of eight seconds, which means they won't even remember what I just said. So basically, I can say any punchline I want. Joy Behar is a fat cow. Thank you, Gen Z. Even though she told people she won, Stacey Abrams claims she was never confused about losing the governor's race in Georgia. You know what else she's never confused about? Which one is the good McDonald's? We all have a good McDonald's.

Yesterday was Bernie Sanders' 84th birthday. Yeah. Democrats promised him a cake, but then they gave it to Hillary. And finally, ICE arrested a little person. An alleged pedophile from Guatemala in a New Orleans raid. Authority said, why don't you pick on someone your own size? Oh, wait. That's what you call punching down.

We'll be back with more Gutfeld. Wendy's most important deal of the day has a fresh lineup. Pick any two breakfast items for $4. New four-piece French toast sticks, bacon or sausage wrap, biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small hot coffee, and more. Limited time only at participating Wendy's taxes extra. All right, let's do a monologue. So how do you know if you're as dumb as a dog?

Not that your dog is actually dumb. I mean, who else knows that? to hide when you enter the room covered in peanut butter. But here's what your dog doesn't know, that he's not as smart as you. And he doesn't need to be. A dog's worries are just food, water, a good scratch, and not to crap inside the house.

Something Joe Biden never mastered. Your dog's just worried about sniffing butts and peeing to Mark his territory, which Joe Biden did master. But what do we call it when humans act the same way, who are so dumb, they don't realize how dumb they are? Yes, it's time for. Are you as dumb as a dog? Oh?

Our first contestant, stelter. Which is German for a sausage casing full of horse butter. Here he is after being forced to cover the Charlotte murder of Arina Zarutka. Most murders in the U.S. never become national news. Elon Musk, Charlie Kirk, other Trump-aligned figures succeeded in making this senseless death a symbol of big city crime. It's being used, as you said, Brianna, as a political symbol, with MAGA media calling for more forceful punishments and more incarceration. I have to say, some of the replies to Musk, some of the comments around this story are baldly racist, stoking fear of African Americans because this man attacked a white woman.

The open racism on sites like X today, it's eye-popping. Eye-popping, baldly racist. Not the best words for a eye-popping baldy like him. Yep, he's accusing Magimedia of stoking racism because they noticed a woman was murdered. It's a new low even for stelter, a ghoul who fights coyotes over roadkill. This time it's his fake shock that conservatives only now discovered crime, that we haven't raised concerns over it for decades. To him, a brutal murder isn't the problem.

It's you for demanding justice. But that's what happens when your arteries are so clogged with lard. Blood can't make its way to your tiny brain. This murder, thanks. I'll take it. This murder didn't fit a Democrat narrative, so we're supposed to remain silent, like stelter does when someone asks who destroyed the toilet. Then there's that other media sewer, Axios, which is Greek for severely retarded,

whose headline reads, stabbing video fuels MAGA crime message. Now imagine telling grieving people, so sorry for your loss, but your anger is just a bit too Trumpy. The article states that the video can instantly pollinate across social media a visual counterpoint to stats showing crime decreases. Translation, this dead woman doesn't really matter and you should be happy about the current amount of murder. Wrong again. What can pollinate, you asshole, is the long overdue fact checking of media hacks who push fake stats to explain their own cowardice. Now, before the left hijacked culture, being upset at murder was actually bipartisan. There was no war on noticing how bad murder is. Well, that war is now over.

We're going to notice the f*** out of this. All right. Hell, we need to notice the judge who released this murderous schizo with 14 priors, which included armed robbery, larceny, breaking an entry. She released him without bond, but with only a written promise to appear. The Honorable Justice Teresa Stokes. This woman, I get the sentiment, but she can't hear you. This woman has more blood on her hands than the scumbag who did the actual stabbing. You know, she's not listed as a licensed attorney on the North Carolina.

state bar directory. Yet she's a judge. That's like someone with dementia becoming president. So I hate to say, we're going to be doing this story again because defining crime as a social justice concept only leads to more victims. And these propagandists who never experience real danger will keep telling us it's racist to care. The victim should have been a liberal darling, she's a refugee from Ukraine that used public transportation. If she were black and killed by a white guy, Nancy Pelosi would go to her funeral. But they're as dumb as dogs, for as they broadcast their stupidity, they're unaware that we are onto them. Yet they count on you being scared, that when you hear the R word, you'll clam right up. Nope, it's too late. Silence equals

death, as they used to say. And if we don't speak up, douchebags like Stelter and others will treat a victimized public like a dog treats a fire hydrant. But you know what? Comparing these losers to dogs is too kind. Dogs love you unconditionally. They don't check to see who you voted for before they decide to protect you. Then again, if someone tried to stab stelter in the neck, they'd have to spend an hour trying to find it. Let's hear he is. Welcome. Listen ad free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts, an Amazon Prime

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