Gutfeld! Monologues - Being Single is Great

Episode Date: September 2, 2026

As seen on Gutfeld!, NYC Mayor Zohran Mamdani has been asked to skip the 9/11 anniversary services in Manhattan.  Meanwhile, a new study reveals that being single can boost personal growth. Greg has all the juicy details you won’t want to miss. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca. I'll just put that over here in case I get lonely. Good evening, everyone.

So New York City mayor, Zoran Mamdani, has been asked to stay away from 9-11 services in Manhattan. He responded by saying, it's too late to cancel his flight. I know. He should fly private. Scientists say the world's first elevator to space is now closer than ever. I don't know about you, but that's a hell of a long elevator ride to hold in a far. It's a good joke. The British government revealed that over the past few years,

at least 100 children under the age of 12 were forced into marriage. Authorities became suspicious when they noticed all brides were registered at Toys R Us. Thank you. The NHL's Dallas Stars hockey team won't host Pride Night this season. But in honor of the trans community, all NHL games, will no longer have periods. You like that one. The official Instagram account for the Burning Man's Orgy Dome

offers advice on how to avoid contracting an STD. Tip number one, wear a Brian Kilmead One Nation t-shirt. Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the mastermind behind the 9-11 attacks will finally stand trial 25 years later. Why did it take so long, you have? Well, they were busy wrapping up the trial of John Wilkes' booth. He killed Lincoln, or so they say. A California sex offender previously busted for sniffing women's butts

has been arrested for the same crime again. And get this, they're already assembling a jury of his peers. A six-foot 10-inch woman says she wishes peace. would stop asking tall women, how tall are your parents? Well, lady, if you think that's bad, I keep getting, is your dad Peter Dinklage? And finally, a new study revealed that a motorboat noise can have a lasting negative effect on fish. So when boating, experts ask that you keep this man away from large breasts. We'll be back with more Gutfeld.

Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca. So a new study found that being single is great for your personal growth. They figured this out by following young singles around for two weeks.

Wow, I do that and I just get pepper spray. But it was a snapshot of a life stage where you have lots of spare time and fewer demands than a lifeguard in the Sahara. They found that people who viewed being alone as a journey of self-expansion were more satisfied with life. but that 82% of them relied on friends and family to join them in these moments of self-expansion, meaning that people were simply companions for your growth, but not added responsibilities. In other words, other people are great as long as they don't get in the way between you and yourself.

People are just extras for your one-man show. So I got to wonder, is this growth really? or is it selfishness disguised as growth? Is this so-called self-expansion producing actual adults who will stick around and sacrifice for others? Or just adults who are really good at describing their brunch while sneering at parents at crying babies? Look, it's great to live a life with no strings attached, but like going to spring break to meet co-eds, it ages with you. And as for self-expansion, the only thing that expanded when I was single was my porn collection and dirty dishes in the sink. This article airbrushes the commitment adverse life of singlehood

and soothes people into thinking that avoiding the demands of loved ones are actually benefits. Hey, you're alone. Well done. It's like when I tell fat people, they don't need winter coats. So let that. Hold on, man. No, I'm going. A clap situation.

Yeah. So now being on your own is enlightenment. Now I can concentrate on being knee, which we used to call selfishness, but they now call growth. But if selfishness was growth, I would have been six foot nine in my mid-20s. Living alone, eating cold pizza, using coffee filters when running out a toilet paper, having socks so stiff you could grate cheese with them. Yeah, that was heaven. But this is new journalism.

A coping industry for those who chose a life they thought would be fulfilling but hasn't panned out. It's a feel good about feeling bad article, offering therapy to people who regret taking the media's bad advice. You know, that men suck. Don't have kids. Think globally, ignore locally. So now you're 40 and alone in a tiny apartment, but that's growth and a wellness headline. And who needs kids? Another person adds another burden wrecking your little museum.

of you. There are all those new errands and new concerns and new mornings that you no longer control. Plus, kids ask questions during R-rated movies. But isn't that real growth a collision with another human being? Take it from me. Having kids is great. And it's not that hard as long as you make sure they have water in their bowl. Thank you. For this piece is no more than a permission slip for those who blaze a trail where no one is on it but you. It's for all the mid-marketing and media people who put their career first and now have nothing to show for it but Instagram posts of a single entree. If you're already fine being single, that's great.

But humans need other humans. You can give people a momentary lift by telling them otherwise, but we already bought that lie, you know, to leave your options open. Don't settle. Oh, and don't get tied down. A phrase people use when they're scared of having to do stuff for other people. but at least they can comfort themselves with this thought that no one ever succeeded while having a family

except all your ancestors Let's welcome tonight's game Listen ad free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show Ad Free on the Amazon music app Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk.

Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca.