Gutfeld! Monologues - Can Joe Keep Ranting Without Face-Planting?

Episode Date: September 27, 2023

As seen on Gutfeld!, FOX Business Correspondent, Kelly O'Grady, Host of The FOX News True Crime Podcast and co-Host Outnumbered, Emily Compagno, co-Host of FOX & Friends and Host of The Brian Kilmeade Show, Brian Kilmeade, and Comedian, Joe Machi, discuss a new report that revealed White House staffers are actively trying to ensure President Joe Biden doesn't fall down in public, before the 2024 Presidential Election.    Later, the panel discusses a wacky and controversial concept for a new dating show.   Follow Greg on Twitter: @GregGutfeld Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I like it. Let's welcome tonight's guests. He's proof that playing soccer causes head trauma, host of One Nation and Fox and friends, Brian Kilme. She's as vivacious as she is loquacious, host of the Fox True Crime Podcast, Emily Campano. As a resident of L.A., her favorite hobby is running for her life. Fox Business Correspondent, Kelly O'Grady.

And finally, people are surprised that someone this attractive is also funny. Comedian Joe Mackie. The excuses never let up for the prez who's fallen and can't get up. True as Biden's approval crumbles, it's all about preventing future stumbles. So Biden reportedly has a so-called don't trip plan that includes wearing sneakers instead of dress shoes. It's designed to work hand in hand with his patented don't die plan. But it's nice to see Joe plan for something besides ice cream. and naps. And so as Axios reports, members of his administration are terrified. He'll have

another bad fall like this doozy. But it's not just orthopedic footwear. Biden has also been working with a physical therapist to improve his balance. He's gotten so good he can now sniff a young girl's hair while standing on one leg. And he's been using the short stairs on Air Force One, boarding the plane on a lower deck than before. He's so confident he can now board the plane without a helmet and a zip line. And they're already adjusting his wardrobe, too. That's funny.

But while Biden gets a pep in his step, his brain could use a boost too because now he's screwing up basic letters. Watch. Today, I'm pleased to announce we're working with Congress to address $40 billion in our Pacific Islands Infrastructure Initiative.

We call it the PPI anyways. It doesn't matter what we call, but that's what it is. My God, bad balance, struggling with the alphabet. Is this a presidency or a field sobriety test? What's Joe got to say? Yeah, yeah, look, I never liked those an acronym, anachron.

They're letters. There's too many letters. I was talking about the Pacific Island Initiative, right? P.I. Magnum P.I. They're good guys. The Pacific Island people. It's hard to say.

They're all Asians, right? Let's just say that. You know, when I was a kid, we used to just call them all Chinese. It was easy. Emily, Emily, I know this taking pot shots like this is easy, but is his stumbling the biggest problem.

I think there's other things that are pretty bad, like his actual ideas. Yes, but I think that they are small, symbols and small symptoms of that huge problem, which is that he is mentally incompetent and he is unfit to serve. That's one of the many examples. I find it appalling and not funny anymore. I mean, it's definitely funny. Tom's definitely funny, but it's appalling to me that our president scoffs at the PII, that he doesn't care to know Pacific Islanders, that he doesn't care to be accurate when he called the Prime Minister of the Cook Islands. He said we're both from Baltimore.

No, you're not. You know, this guy called L.L. Cool J. Boy in a ceremony where he was being honored. Like, how many more times do we have to take these as isolated incidents when all they do is convey that he is anything but appropriate, anything but honorable enough to hold that office? To me, it's the same thing as seeing Federman in a hoodie. Like, we can focus on him wearing the hoodie, but the whole point is he's wearing a hoodie because he is unfit to serve. He doesn't have that capacity. Neither does him. He's appalling to me. To be fair, I thought Pacific Islanders were a hockey team. Kelly, you're a reporter.

You get into the nitty-gritty. What's the scuttle butt? I mean, it seemed to me that the reporters would refrain from talking about this. Are the gates now open? Well, it seems like they're starting to be. You're seeing more and more media outlets talking about this. And, I mean, that recent NBC News poll, 75% of voters are worried about his mental fitness. Or sorry, his physical fitness, his mental fitness.

I mean, today, he went to the, you know, auto worker strike, and he had some issues getting off Air Force One and call me crazy. I don't necessarily want my president's big mission of the day to focus on not tripping. I would prefer him to be focused on China, on Putin, on lowering energy prices and not tapping the SPR to do it, actually bringing them down because we're promoting, you know, energy at home. So I get frustrated by this because, you know, I wish that we could have an election where this wasn't an issue. Finally. And we actually just talked about the issues, not someone's age. He puts the fee in feeble. I just came up with that and it almost makes no sense.

You know, Joe, obviously you're in peak physical condition. You work out while you're working out, which is amazing, constantly. I lift weights while running. Yes. That is true. That is true. Do you have any tips or anything? You know, you hang out at the gym.

Is there anything that you could offer our president that could make him, I don't know, more active without falling? Well, it's a good idea. I think it's great to make sure that you can stay balanced when you're working out. You don't want to tip over even when you're on the Pilate Ballade Ball around beautiful women. It looks bad. It looks terrible. But I will say this. It's a nice thing that you're trying to make sure that the president doesn't fall.

But if you're worried about someone not able to walk up, right, you probably shouldn't make them try to be president for four more years. Because I think about Roosevelt going into Yalta against Stalin. And, you know, Stalin got pretty much everything he wanted. But can you imagine Biden going to Yalta against Stalin? Stalin would come back with all Europe, and Biden would come back with permanent marker penis on his forehead. Well said. I'm not sure they had Sharpies back then, but I understand a little history there, you know, he's coming after your turn.

I know. You know, orthopedic shoes seem to have worked for you. Yes. Do you think they will help Biden? Well, I opened up to you and told you I had flat feet. And again, for you to tell this whole audience, it's unbelievable. I need an arch, okay? I just said it.

All right, so here's the thing. If you want to help Joe Biden, you need to get him one thing. And that's a floor manager to point him in what direction, how to work. walk where to go. The most disturbing thing is not him walking up and down steps is when he gets on stage. You don't know what's going to happen, what he's going to say, how he's going to leave, how he's going to enter. Last week was just a kaleidoscope of an eppness. He walks onto a stage, almost walks off into a flag, forgets to shake Lula's hand who's running Brazil, who happens to be a communist, but I digress who he endorsed to make sure Brazil is no longer

in our orbit. And forget to shake his hand, and he leaves. He never knows which way he's going, and he actually never knows what he's going to say. The thing that's crazy is, you could actually get away with this by saying, you know, security's eye, I got some threats on me. You could put the Tyrus type figure, another guy in the other side, I got a guy close to me. They could be propping them up. I think his staff hates him. And you read these stories about his volcanic personality, that he just erupts at people, blames people. I think they're like, yeah, you're on your own. You know, he doesn't listen to my ideas. He's always angry. He's never here. I'll go leak a story about him needing balance lessons.

And that's, you know, it's not to be better on dancing with the stars. It's to live a life. Yeah. You know, it's funny. I agree with you because you're like an expert on people not liking you. So you can actually see the signs. You can see the signs because you just described your own staff. See, let me just say this.

When you look straight ahead and hit me, I knew when you look straight ahead, I'm in trouble. Because you're about to open up, I mean, you feel so uncomfortable. You have to look straight ahead. But, no, okay, I opened it up. I brought it up. I just don't think his staff likes him. I think people around here really like me, and it bothers you. Oh, true.

All right, everybody applauding here, get him out. Up next, dating show contenders in all their nude splendor. All right, don't go anywhere. We'll be right back. Did you know that at Chevron, you can fuel up on unbeatable mileage and savings? With Chevron rewards, you'll get 25 cents off per gallon on your next five visits.

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Yeah. Why is there always dudes? Tonight on nude news, an infamous British dating show called Naked Attraction is now available to watch in the United States. The premise, a person chooses from six potential dates by scrutinizing their fully nude bodies. And before making their pick,

the person choosing also gets naked, and then they go on a date together with their clothes on. Six seasons of this show have been added to the Max streaming service. We pause now to watch all six seasons. Uninterrupted! In this dating show, we go back to basics.

Are you ready? Bring on. And start where a good date often ends. Oh. Naked. This is fantastic. And could picking a partner

based solely on their natural beauty? Could be a grandma. Help us find the one. I've never met anybody like this before, and I don't know where to learn. Let's find out by dating in reverse. Hmm. That is amazing.

I don't know about you, but for me, that's the greatest TV experience. since Grandpa Walton went to that nude beach. Well, you want to know why I really like this British dating show? They blurred the most disgusting part, their teeth. Joe, I heard a rumor that you turned and offered down to be on the show because you didn't want to intimidate the viewing public. Have you been watching out this show?

No, I haven't, Craig. If I wanted to see an attractive, naked man, I'll just look in the mirror when I'm painting. I'll say this. I will say this, Greg. It's stories like this that make me start building an arc in my backyard because I know God said he's not going to flood the world again, but he should. Because the problem with these shows is like rock bottom keeps working, you know?

So just keep getting dumber and dumber and dumber. I think they should combine this show with Mori Povich, where they do the show. And at the end, their parents come on and take DNA tests in the hopes that they're not their parents. Is Morypovich still alive? I didn't fact check that. I should have looked. He's alive, but that's good. If he's dead, well, that's better.

No, I'm kidding. No, I'm joking. Wonderful man, that Morypovich. Kelly, the producer said he's still alive. All right. They all agree to do this. So what's the harm? The viewer.

I'm horrified by this. I mean, first of all, this is like my own personal nightmare because I do this every morning in the mirror. I critique myself, right? Well, I mean, you just, you know, you look and you're like, oh, you hate all of these things about yourself. Now to actually go on a show and subject yourself to this, first of all, it reminds me of the old days of HBO.

I feel like we've gone full circle where you would awkwardly turn the channel back on at night because maybe you'd been watching a movie or something earlier and all of a sudden it's porn. It was like HBO after dark. We are back in this. This is just like porn for the new age. But then you have folks who are louding this as,

oh my gosh, this is promoting body positivity. You're seeing all of these diverse bodies on there. You're critiquing it. This is your body shaming. Somehow, we're trying to see the body shaming now. It's body positive. I don't get it. I didn't see any people who are, quote, obese.

So I think that's anti-body positivity. It's not diverse enough for me. I want to see some chunky people, some stelters out there, if you will. Brian, in your younger days before you were so hideous. Oh, God. Before that accident, disfigured you. Why are they laughing? They just, like, I had them last block.

It is amazing how popular you are with the disfigurement. Would you have gone on this show? Would I have a Dominican contestant? No, I wouldn't have. I like the mystery of finding out how a date would end rather than start at the end. I would say this. The British gave us the X factor. Thank you.

They gave us the office. Thank you. American Idol. We owe you one. This is something that should go back into development. And I'm kind of ashamed of myself because it's been on for four or five years. six seasons and we're just finding it now and the thing is they did not promote it they knew it was going to be a problem they wanted people just to discover it right and the same people

that discover the one of like hey uh what's the channel with Sesame Street oh the same channel so you're putting Sesame Street you could double click on that or you can double click on this do you see a problem with that in terms of the overall programming of this being a choice among our children with the safety things not necessarily so you're saying you could set, it could be like naked puppets, an idea for a show. Much more acceptable because they have no belly buttons. That is true. Therefore, you'd have no idea where the pants go, how either pants you go.

Emily, Kelly makes a good point that they kind of build up this safety net around them. Oh, this is, you know, this is about being positive. But they're basically, it's just, it's just like titillating. Yes, for some viewers. And I feel like to that point, it's the exact opposite because these people are choosing their partners based solely solely on physicality with, to your point, That's second to your point. Yeah, sorry. With the worst feature in the UK is always the teeth.

So the fact that they're ending with it, like that's what they should start with, because that would eliminate 98% of the contestants. And then if someone actually has like a normal smile, then you can keep going. I obviously find this appalling. And I was thinking about how, like, you could not pay me enough money. If you said, Emily, billions of dollars to do this, the answer is no. Nothing is worth the shame and horror of participating in such a vapid, disgusting event such as that. Really, I heard this an educational aspect to this. Some people say they learn things.

Yes, right. What do they learn? It's the first time for them seeing someone naked, obviously. Oh, okay. We'll drop that down. This will be coming to Fox Nation. I'll be hosting it. All right, we're out of time. Thanks to Brian Kilman and Emily Cabanio. Kelly O'Grady, great job. Joe Mackey, our studio on this.

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Thank you.