Gutfeld! Monologues - Dana Perino Keeps It Short

Episode Date: December 13, 2024

As seen on Gutfeld!, Host of the Perino On Politics podcast & Co-Anchor of America's Newsroom, Dana Perino fills in for Greg, and no one is safe as she roasts the likes of President Biden, Brian Kilmeade, TikTokers, Jesse Watters, and many more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. All right. Here we go. Happy Thursday, everyone. I'm Dana Perino in for Greg on this special edition. I've Gotfeld. So, with Christmas just around the corner, everyone's rushing to get their Christmas list to Santa. Well, we, luckily, have been able to intercept a few of those letters on their way to the North Pole. We have some of these here to read to you tonight. President Biden wants the number to Hunter's offshore bank accounts. Hunter Biden wants the numbers to his dad's offshore bank accounts. Comla Harris just wants Oprah to take her calls again. Alvin Bragg wants a clue. Joe and Mika want a show people actually watch.

Steve Doocy wants extended vacation for certain unnamed co-workers. Brian Kilme wants to sleep until 8 a.m. Jesse Waters wants a more believable hairpiece. Wow. Bill Clinton wants a night free from Hillary. Hillary Clinton wants a night free from Bill. And Greg Gutfeld wants a new cradle and something for his baby daughter, too. And now some non-Christmas jokes.

President Biden has commuted roughly 1,500 sentences and parted 39 people in the biggest single-day act of clemency. He even parted one woman for running the world's worst presidential campaign. In New York City last night, a rush hour power outage left 35. subway riders stranded for hours. Thankfully, though, passengers were able to pass the time the same way they always do by rubbing up against each other. A truck fire covered at California Highway and melted chocolate. Clean-up crews immediately called in two trucks of graham crackers, four tons of marshmallows,

and Brian Stelter. LeBron James says he's taking a break from basketball for personal reasons. He'll be spending time with his family and flopping on the ground the moment. they touch him. Scientists now say that the Earth's oceans help cool global temperatures much more than previously thought. This must be why Al Gore turned himself into a whale. Tesla owners are now buying anti-Elon Musk's bumper stickers to signal their virtue. We'll just wait until they find out about Henry Ford.

A man in Massachusetts became stuck in a chimney while trying to evade cops that were conducting a drug rate, experts say they wouldn't even be news if everyone celebrated Kwanza. 83-year-old Bernie Sanders assumes this will be his last term. He doesn't want to die in office like his idol, Joseph Stalin. CNN has lost in the ratings to HGTV, proving people would rather watch grass grow than Anderson Cooper. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. Did you know that at Chevron you can fuel up on unbeatable mileage and savings?

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Upbrunt payment of $45 for three-month plan. $15 per month equivalent required. New customer offer first three months. only. Then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See mintmobile.com. There we go. All right. So the big news this week, there's the pitter-patter of little feet around the Gutfeld home, and this time not from Greg or Gus. And this happened too. Time magazine announced its person of the year and to the surprise

of no one. There we go. All right. They were not employed by CNN. It was none other than President-elect Donald J. Trump, as you hear from the applause. So it's the second time he's had the honor with the first coming after his presidential win in 2016. That was also the same week, Hillary Clinton canceled her subscription

and smashed her server with a hammer. The editorial board mentioned Trump's historic comeback, his impact on global politics, and how he increased his votes from blacks, Latinos, and people named Biden. The difference. In 2016, the cover called him president of the divided states of America.

This year, it's simply his name, even though there was plenty of room for cry-harder losers. When Democrats win, it's a mandate. It's Camelot. It's a sign that better angels prevailed. Or as Barack Obama modestly put it, we are the ones we've been waiting for. Yet when Republicans win, America's divided. It's controversial. It's bitterly contested.

You hear a lot of not my president, and it's time to put politics aside. well as much as you know me i try to be gracious i have bad news for those whiners there is no your president there's only the president and once again his name is donald trump and with the electoral college popular vote house and senate the american people seem to like his politics just fine yet the media and democrats are shrieking that now more than ever we need to give into their demands lest we sacrifice democracy itself, raising the question

why are conservatives always expected to make concessions when they win? Victorious Democrats get to spike the ball or at least toss it as hard as their spindly little wrist will allow. Even Miriam Webster is in on the act declaring polarization, the word of the year.

Now, that's the famous publisher of dictionaries, the thoris, and other books that no one buys anymore. And I'm not even sure if thesoruses is a word anymore. They define polarization as division into two sharply distinct opposites, especially a state in which the opinions, beliefs, or interests of a group or society no longer range along a continuum, but become concentrated at exposing extremes. It's a fun word, and it's also a choice. No one makes you be polarized. And just as no one forces you to make a TikTok freaking

out about how Trump's going to put you in a detention camp, because the fact is we're becoming less polarized. As a Harvard law professor points out in a Washington Post column this week, one of the unnoticed themes of the recent election was depolarization. The electoral chasms between groups of voters shrank compared with four years earlier. So here are some

other words you should work into your vocabulary. Accountability, responsibility, perseverance, winning, and leg day. Winning. The words Republicans are expected to take on as the campaigns of 2024 turn into the victories of 2025 and beyond. The only divisions are between people who want America to live up to its potential and those who want to drag themselves and everyone else down. If you need another word of the year, here's a proven winner said by a man right after a would-be assassin's bullet tore through his ear.

Fight, fight, fight. Who knows, if you fight hard enough, the next person of the year could be you. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show ad-free on the Amazon Music app. It's Will Cain Country. Watch it live at noon-eastern Monday through Thursday at Fox News.com or on the Fox News YouTube channel. And don't miss the show.

Listen and follow the podcast five days a week at Fox News Podcasts.com or wherever you download your favorite podcasts.