Gutfeld! Monologues - Death Rumors

Episode Date: September 4, 2025

As seen on Gutfeld!, is Chelsea Clinton actually throwing her hat in the ring for Congress? And guess what? Those wild rumors about Trump’s death? Completely overstated! Greg dives in with his fiery takes! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and remember to stick around after the show for the raffle where we give away one of Britt Hume's toes he's got 11 happy Wednesday everyone so Chelsea Clinton is rumored to be running

for Jerry Nadler's seats where she'll have to compete with 1,000 flies And of course, any other Democrat who would be favored against Chelsea would have to worry about choking. 56-year-old lifelong bachelor Cory Booker finally engaged. Yeah, which means Rashida Talib is no longer the only one with a beard. Two jokes. Price of one.

The United States obliterated a drug boat off the coast of Venezuela, killing 11 narco terrorists. Yeah. It was still less violent than a carnival cruise. According to a new poll, alcohol consumption in the U.S. has reached a record low. Finally, a problem that can actually be solved by Kamala Harris. To clean up the streets, President Trump said he's open to bringing back insane asylums, and already some patients have been looking at it as a great couple's retreat. A brand new ICE detention facility called Louisiana Lockup just opened,

and because it's near New Orleans, the guards will throw beads at you during the cavity search. Try to catch that. former Chicago mayor Lori Lightfoot claims that crime in Chicago is a manufactured crisis. I can't believe she said that with a straight face or whatever you call that thing above her neck. I'm tired of her getting by on her looks.

And finally, Taco Bell is reconsidering plans to use artificial intelligence to take customers' orders. They also developed an app that your pants for you. All right. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. Ontario, the weight is over. The gold standard of online casinos has arrived.

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See golden nuggett casino.com for details. Please play responsibly. So at a presser yesterday, President Trump made it clear, as Mark Twain once said, reports of my death are greatly exaggerated. Except Mark Twain really is dead in case you're wondering why he hasn't shown up as one lucky guy and outnumbered. A lot of work went into that image. I hope Peter Ducey asked Trump how he found out over the weekend that he was dead. How did you find out over the weekend that you were dead?

You see that? You know, I have heard. It's sort of crazy. But last week I did numerous news conferences, all successful. They went very well, like this is going very well. And then I didn't do any for two days. And they said, there must be something wrong with him. Biden wouldn't do him for months.

You wouldn't see him. And nobody ever said there was ever anything wrong with him, and we know he wasn't in the greatest of shape. That's the understatement of the year. If the year is 2016, when we first noticed Biden's brain was melting like an ice cream cone on a Delaware beach. But the rumors swirled as giddy hacks and politicians fed their dopamine receptors

with fantasies about Trump's demise. Don't they realize they'd be the first to smell the president's decaying corpse since he's living right upstairs, rent-free in their heads? Cue the tards. A strange rumor that took over the Internet over the weekend that Donald Trump was no longer with us. He's nearly an 80-year-old man and who is not, does not look in the best of health

when you look at him. The president could just be taking a few days down in August, which is normal for presidents to do, or there could be actually something wrong. We may never know why Donald Trump suddenly spent a week, hiding entirely from the American public. But you don't actually need baseless online conspiracies to explain why he might not want to show his face in public right now.

He's clearly hiding something about his health. He's got what looks like the COPD issue. It appears the bruising on his hands. That's likely a side effect of a medication he may be taken in order to a blood thinner. You know, it's nice to see Chuck Todd got his medical degree. Hopefully, hopefully he's specializing. in proctology with all the time he spends with his head up his ass. Maybe he'll become a gastroenterologist

so he can figure out why his career is in the toilet. Remember, these were the same medical sleuths who couldn't tell Krusty Joe Biden was as sharp as a bowling ball. Now Chuck's diagnosing bruises and speculating about medications like he picked up a side hustle at CVS. Sorry, if Trump has marks on his hand, it's from seven months of bits slapping these assholes. But even this guy had something to say.

Look, I get it. You get up in the morning and you doomscroll through things. And although I will say this, the last few days you woke up thinking there might be news. Just saying, just saying, there will be news sometime, just so you know, there will be news. Ugh. Oh, Jesus. To think that guy could have been a bottle of tequila away from the presidency. And even the twitching corpses of late night weighed in.

I was shocked to learn that this weekend, the biggest story was frenzied social media rumors speculating whether Donald Trump had died. For the record, Donald Trump is very much alive, okay? And no. Oh, no. We like our president's alive. Good old J.D. He hears the words Trump dead. He lights up like a Christmas tree.

Everyone gets all worked up. Here's the thing. Donald Trump will never die. Forget it. He's like Dracula. He's going to keep sucking the life out of us forever. Sucking the life out of us. That's the wrong pronoun.

It's you, not us. You're like a guy at a bar blaming everyone for your debt, your relationships, your unemployment, but never the 12 shots have changed. you just downed. Your show is so close to the end, there's already a pod container in the parking lot waiting to load your furniture. But it's something to see speculation from these jerks who covered up a missing president when they should have covered him with dirt. At least Biden has an excuse for blacking out the last four years. What's theirs? Look, I get it. The Dems in the media

are as a Kardashian during NBA All-Star Week. Sorry. America hates the dams. They hate the media. They're less trusted than a wet fart. So they find comfort in these fantasies. Call it Trump death porn. And like real porn, it made them feel good for a minute,

but then they feel empty and alone as they wipe up the mess with a Harrison Waltz t-shirt. I know. Sorry, douchebags. Trump is alive and kicking, and what he's kicking is your ass, and you deserve it. After all, you're still a Democrat, even after knowing that your party covered up Biden's mental demise.

The party hit a walking corpse while others ran the show. That might be the biggest political scandal in this nation's history, bigger than Obama eating Beau the White House dog. I get it. You hate Trump, but you got to hate this betrayal more Democrats. They told you a guy with dementia was president, and you bought it, and you're never going to live that down. So if you weren't aware they were lying, then you must face facts. The party deceived you. And that should be enough for you to quit the party now.

What are you hanging around for? So they make you look even dumber? That's impossible. But you're a Democrat. If they nominated a Nigerian prince, you'd probably give them access to your bank account. So if you're still in the party, then you must be okay with being played. Which means maybe then show us a little grace or give us a grace period. You guys covered up a brain-dead prez while accusing the other guy of being Hitler for years.

So have some dignity and slink away and shame for a while. Go to rehab. Try to get detoxified of all that Trump hate and then come back and we might let you back in the band. Stop entertaining. All right. Stop entertaining fantasies and face the future. It's right in front of you. And unlike Trump, it's deader than Joe Biden.

Let's welcome Tadite's gas Listen ad free with a Fox News podcast Plus subscription on Apple Podcasts And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show Ad Free on the Amazon music app This is Jason Chaffetz From the Jason in the House podcast

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