Gutfeld! Monologues - “Democratic Fantasy 2025”

Episode Date: August 19, 2025

As seen on Gutfeld!, MSNBC is changing its name.  Also, get ready!! Greg shares the latest fantasy of the Dems. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. Great. All right, all right, right. Great to see you. I hope you didn't mind the cavity search. Happy Monday, everybody. So later this year, MSNBC will become MS now. They say the new acronym means my source for news, opinion, and the world.

But others believe it stands for miserable shit no one watches. James Comey admitted he gets inspiration from Taylor Swift to help deal with Trump. It makes sense that Comey's a fan since he's six foot eight, and Taylor's a six who thinks she's an eight. Madonna spent her 67th birthday at a horse race in Italy. Fans were shocked when they mistakenly thought they were getting their picture taken with C-Biss biscuit. Scientists in China are working on a robot that can carry a human fetus. Experts predict that soon, you won't need a woman at all.

Once robots can remember an argument you had four years ago. So true. Melania Trump is threatening to sue Hunter Biden for $1 billion over defamatory remarks. Hunter replied, replied, F that! But we aren't sure if he was talking about the lawsuit or the homemade sex toy he made out of a cantaloupe. I can't unsee that.

Yes. And Ohio Chick-fil-A announced that minors must bring an adult over 21 years of age if they want to dine in. And some men are happily renting themselves out as chaperones. Wow. Eric Swalwell was so frustrated at food prices at a grocery store that he threw his hat on the ground. And to no one surprise, a Chinese spy camera came rolling out of it. And finally, because he's pro-prostitution, if Zohran Mamdani becomes mayor, many worry that NYC will become a hot spot for sex workers.

Well, when do I join the campaign? asked one man. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. Running a business comes with a lot of what-ifs. But luckily, there's a simple answer to them. Shopify. It's the commerce platform behind millions of businesses, including Thrive Cosmetics and Momofuku, and it'll help you with everything you need.

From website design and marketing to boosting sales and expanding operations, Shopify can get the job done and make your dream a reality. turn those what-ifs into sign up for your one dollar per month trial at shopify.com slash special offer because it's Monday I think it's time for a fun thought experiment roll it Sven Democrat fantasy 2025 get ready wow so by an incredible stroke of luck a bunch of meteors hit only red states, and the Dems have been put back in charge. So now that they've

regained control, what do they do first? Besides putting the Maryland dad on Mount Rushmore. Obviously, they must undo all the damage Trump made to the country, to the world. So let's ask them, what do you do first? Reopen the border and invite the millions of illegals deported back into our country, including the violent ones, rapists, and the murderers? Or would you first repair our relationship with Iran. Is there a way to unobliterate their nuclear facilities? It's gone now, but maybe you can bring it back to life, like Biden's AIDS did with Joe every morning. Should you kill the deals that Trump made that brought peace between Cambodia and Thailand, Rwanda and the Republic of Congo, Armenia and Azerbaijan, India, Pakistan, Egypt and

Ethiopia, Joe and Mika. Or how about between the D.C. government and its citizens? It's gotten so quiet on the streets. You can hear Rashida Taleb's mustache growing. Should you increase the price of eggs so they cost the same as the Fabergei ones? Raised gas prices, too. Should you undo the deregulation that save thousands of dollars per family per year, saving trillions total?

You Dems probably weren't even aware of that. But given the mess, Trump is caused, it's easily overlooked. Plus, you're terrible with numbers. Hell, even your teachers can't count past 69. I can't unseater. Thanks, Joe. Should we tell NATO not to boost their defense spending to 5%? Which all the experts thought impossible, but now they're doing?

God forbid, they start funding the Ukraine war, us. I mean, what are they spending all their money on anyway? Certainly not swimsuit fabric. What about reversing blue-collar wage growth after its first increase in 60 years? Or cancel the seven-plus trillion the governments and companies have pledged to invest here? Or take the 90 billion in tariff duties so far and give it back. The stock markets reached record highs. We can't have that. That only benefits fat cats who own three homes. We should cancel that minerals deal with Ukraine and the trade deals with the UK, China, and Indonesia. Then there's Trump's attack on trans. But that's an easy fix. Just reverse Trump's EO, which forced schools to ban men and women's

sports. I mean, it's been almost a whole week since a young girl had her athletic dreams crushed by a guy in pig tails and size 14 cleats. And we need to reverse hospitals who halted so-called gender affirming care for kids and get back to doing what they do best, ruining a child's mental health and sexual function for life. We should get rid of the Halt Fentanyl Act. Because, you know, before that, I used to build muscle hopping over overdosed addicts. While we're at it, while we're at it, how do we reverse our military from reaching recruitment goals months in advance?

Maybe we put this lady in charge. Yeah. Talk about a dick magnet. And let's put a stop to the American. American food industry getting rid of artificial dyes. What's the fun of eating a bag of skittles if your tongue doesn't look like the Partridge family bust when you stick it out? And let's stop cracking down on drug cartels or calling them terrorists. That'll help reverse the lowest murder rate on record and get it back to record highs, which I'm for. Frankly, I prefer the streets

as empty as Jasmine Crockett's bookshelf. And who needs a trillion in AI investment? Let's redirect that money to drag queen awareness in Mozambique. So, yeah, that's a lot to do, Dems, or really undo, and it's going to be tough since all those policies work, unlike yours. So you've got a big job on your hands, kids, destroying a country, but something tells me you could pull it off. Honestly, it's the only thing you guys are good at. Let's welcome. Redite's guess. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast, plus subscription on Apple Podcasts, and Amazon Prime members can listen to this show and free on the

Amazon Music app. This is Jason Chaffetz from the Jason in the House podcast. Join me every Monday to dive deeper into the latest political headlines and chat with remarkable guests. Listen and follow now at Fox Newspodcast.com or wherever you download podcasts.