Gutfeld! Monologues - Democrats Are Tired Of Winning

Episode Date: February 26, 2026

As seen on Gutfeld!, some Democrats boycotted the State of the Union address and held their own alternative events. To make matters worse for the Dems, Trump exposed them for their wildly unpopular priorities. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tell me something I don't already know. Good evening, everyone. So President Trump gave his state of the union to Congress last night. Meanwhile, at Delaware, Joe Biden stood before a mailbox and said, my fellow Armenians. At just under an hour and 48 minutes, Trump's speech was the longest state of the union in American history. It was so long that Rashida Taleb had a 10 o'clock shadow. This is Harry. It was so long, Maxine Waters had to walk that thing on her head three times.

Classic Trump, though, he paused 12 times for applause and nine times to bomb narco speedboats. And pretty smart to loosen up the crowd, he declared Nancy Pelosi's face a historical monument. You can actually picnic on her forehead. In other news, different news, Rosie O'Donnell's daughter, Chelsea, has been accused of assault after touching a man's genitals.

Hello. She's facing two counts of impersonating Don Lemon. True, the daughter was accused of grabbing a man's testicles. Asked how the victim was feeling. Rosie said, they're still a little sore. Oh, it's her testicles. Yeah, mom's testicles.

New York City Mayor, Mom Dami, is facing controversy for downplaying the actions of a mob throwing snowballs at the NYPD, saying it just looked like a snowball fight, but then added, plus it's good practice for stoning Jews. Hey, it's not my fault. The Epstein files revealed a photo of Stephen Hawking grinning as he sat between two bikini-clad women. Wow, I didn't recognize him without the chair.

Later, in a flat mechanical voice, he said, bitches stole my wallet. That's a good mechanical voice. It was a good mechanical voice. And finally, scientists may have discovered the world's oldest butthole after unearthing the nearly 300 million-year-old impression of a reptile's ass in Germany,

causing one man to book a flight to October Fest. Two lemon jokes. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. This is Ainslie Earhart. for joining me for the 52 episode podcast series, The Life of Jesus. A listening experience that will provide hope, comfort, and understanding of the greatest story ever told. Listen and follow now at Fox News Podcasts.com or wherever you listen to podcasts. All right. So it's time for Donald Trump. We don't deserve him.

Last night, Donald Trump rattled off wins for almost two hours. It was the longest state of the union in history, beating Bill Clinton's record, who had Congress on the edge of their seat. and an intern under his. Trump listed so many results that it started to get boring. The booming economy, crime rates dropping, energy dominance, wars ending instead of multiplying, girls' locker rooms no longer needing urinal cakes. In fact, we're winning so much that we really don't know what to do about it. In fact, we're winning so much that we really don't know what to do about it.

People are asking me, please, please, please, Mr. President, we're winning too much. We can't take it anymore. We're not used to winning in our country until you came along. We're just always losing, but now we're winning too much. And I say, no, no, no, you're going to win again. Man, Drew, there was so much winning that about half the Democrats boycotted the event. But perhaps they were taking turns giving Kilmorrow Briga Garcia of foot rub.

It's weird since it's their job to be there. You can't skip work just because you don't like somebody. It's like me skipping the five because I hate half of Harold Ford. Whoa. The white half. Yeah.

That makes two of us. Hi, Harold, if you're watching. But in their place, what an upgrade as Trump invited the U.S. men's hockey team. So, elected officials don't show up, but hungover Olympians with missing teeth, did? They should have sat in the Democrat seats. I mean, Jerry Nadler wasn't there. His seat is the exact size of a regulation NHL bench.

Although first, you'd have to call in hazmat to destroy the cushion. But some absent Dems heroically gathered for counter events that would make our forefathers proud. I defy Trump. and his authoritarian project with the Portland Frog Brass. Imprison us all. Hey. And to press this country. I stuck in the border.

I stuck in the border. Go Trump. Go Trump. I've been arrested three times by ICE over me singing songs like, hey, Mr. Tangerine, man. There ain't no place I'm going. going to. The only thing that

show was missing was Chuck Barris and a giant gong. I was waiting for a voice to come over the PA system and say, time for medication, please. Back in the chamber, Trump detailed a comeback tour for common sense. Most notably, the lightning fast end to the invasion at our border, where people charged through the gates like they were fleeing a Kilmead book signing. But this is where Trump, dared to make Democrat allegiances known.

If you agree with this statement, then stand up and show your support. The first duty of the American government is to protect American citizens, not a legal alien. Isn't that a shame? You should be ashamed of yourself, not standing up. You should be ashamed of yourself. So let's get this straight. A 100-year-old World War II veteran or a permanently crippled hero helicopter, pilot, who were both injured defending America, could struggle to their feet.

But these scumbags do their best Stephen Hawking impression when they should have stood immediately. F*** them and the seatless pogo sticks they rode in on. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Don't knock the seatless pogo stick. So take note, if you want the Dems to care about you, just get a face tattoo and sneak over the border. Hell, if you just sell drugs and traffic people, they'll meet you for a happy hour. Because their priorities lie not with you, but with the corrupt.

Cue Ilhan Omar, who foamed at the mouth as Trump detailed the blatant fraud of her fellow Somalians. The look on her face. It's like she's just smelled Somali food for the first time. I haven't seen Ilhan that mad since her brother asked for a divorce. Worse, as Trump honored the mother of Irina Zarutka, the Ukrainian woman brutally murdered by a repeat offender. The Dems who made loads of speeches on Ukraine kept. their butts stuck in their seats. And when Trump spoke of the mutilation of our kids,

the Dems were as silent as Joe Biden's pulse. But surely we can all agree, no state can be allowed to rip children from their parents' arms and transition them to a new gender against the parents' will. Who would believe that we've been talking about me? We must ban it, and we must ban it immediately.

Nobody stands up. These people are crazy. I'm telling you. They're crazy. But I guess that's how you know trans women aren't really women because nobody said anything. But the media and top dems aren't familiar with reality. They probably thought the speech was lazy. I thought the speech was lazy.

You know, it's one thing to acknowledge patriotism and people getting well and everything when you have absolutely nothing to do with their courage. Slowing down markedly for long stretches of the speech that were essentially, sort of violence porn. When you ramble mostly incoherently for two hours, is that technically still a speech or does it at some point become a connipion? We have a nutjob wannabe king who's doing everything he can to censor opinions he doesn't want to hear. What's a connoissem?

I don't know, Jimmy. Who is Trump censoring? Certainly not you. Your late night talk show has become Marxist propaganda coming from a social climbing jerk off. So Tuesday night. You saw two versions of America, the one that wants a strong, proud, prosperous nation, and the one that despises success and refuses to admit their party's failures. Trump's speech wasn't just a victory lap.

It's a roadmap to the golden age. And for those who hate being part of a winning country, I'd say go back to where you came from, which is sadly an office that we pay for. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts, and Amazon Prime members can. and listen to this show and free on the Amazon Music app.