Gutfeld! Monologues - Democrats Stand Up For Illegals, President Trump Stands Up For Grieving Mothers

Episode Date: April 18, 2025

As seen on Gutfeld!, Greg mocks Senator Chris Van Hollen (D-MD) for his trip to El Salvador to meet with Kilmar Abrego Garcia.  Plus, he pokes fun at a poll showing former Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg in the lead for the 2028 Democratic Primary.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. That was a good one. That was a good one. Oh, oh. The feeling is one-sided. Happy Thursday, everyone. Well, a funeral homeowner, a funeral homeowner, a funeral homeowner, a funeral homeowner who hit a corpse in a hearse for over a year, has finally entered a plea deal.

In his defense, it's not the first time a corpse was found in a black limo. Aw. In a recent interview, George Clooney said there's still one prominent Democrat that's mad at him for telling Joe Biden to drop out of the election. election. He's not saying who it is, but they both pretended to play doctors on TV. Right now, former VP Kamala Harris is the Democrat frontrunner for the 2028 election, followed by Mayor Pete. No, no, no, no. But supporters say a minority woman and a gay guy may remind voters of Barack Obama's marriage. I don't get that one.

I don't get that one. The actor who played the child in The Sixth Sense, Haley, Joel Osment, was arrested in Colorado for public intoxication. Wow, he's changed. I guess his sixth sense is finding Twinkies. Yeah, he no longer sees dead people. He just eats them. Oh, kind of depressed, aren't you? Speaking of Colorado, nearly 700 women attended the boot.

tan fest, which is an event where hundreds of women ski naked. It truly was the greatest day of my life, said one man. Finally, the colossal squid. The world's largest squid species has been caught on video for the first time. In response, guests who just made 2,000 gallons of marinera sauce. Saw that one coming. All right. Let's do a monologue.

Boy, not crazy about the jokes tonight, are you? Well, screw you. Last weekend, a self-identified queer scientist was busted for bombing a Tesla dealership and the Republican Party headquarters in Albuquerque. So what's a queer scientist? It's like a regular... It's like a regular scientist, but has sex. But did you notice something that's comically sad?

Every person who attacks Tesla has been arrested because the cars have cameras. That's why when I walk past one, I make sure to flex my butt. True, these idiots have been caught more times on camera than my house guests when they use the bathroom. But you think the Dems, having seen that repeated outcome, might have stopped egging their constituents on a crusade of vandalism and violence? You think maybe they should have considered what happens to people? people who don't have the expense of lawyers like they do after they follow their advice? Each vandalized Tesla dashes another confused man's dream of one day moving out of a Newark airport's men's room.

Not one single dem who called Musk Hitler to galvanize the mob has spoken out on behalf of those arrested. They led these lemmings off the cliff and then pretend they didn't exist. They're just useful idiots, like the children that work in my handbag factory. We'll be back with more Gutfeld Mint is still $15 a month for premium wireless And if you haven't made the switch yet Here are 15 reasons why you should

One, it's $15 a month Two, seriously, it's $15 a month Three, no big contracts, four, I use it Five, my mom uses it Are you playing me off? That's what's happening, right? Okay, give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch A upfront payment of $45 for three-month plan, $15 per month equivalent required.

New customer offer first three months only. Then full-price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See mintmobile.com. Prime delivery is fast. How fast are we talking? We're talking puzzle toys and look pad delivered so fast you can get this puppy under control. Fast.

We're talking chew toys at your door without really waiting fast. P-pads, clothing mat and peg-hammer fast and fast and those training T-R-E-A-T-S faster than you can take sit fast. And now we can all relax and order these matching hoodies to get cozy. Easy and cute. Fast. Fast free delivery. It's on Prime. It's the tiny hands that make this stitching. It's a reoccurring trap. The Dems creative fiction. Say it's true even though they know it's not. They let the mob do their job. Then they cut them loose like their name was Chris Wallace. The latest fiction, the Maryland Dad.

But the Dems even suckered themselves on this. Do you think Van Hollen would have flown to El Salvador had he known he was rescuing an abuser with a history of violence? Well, maybe. I mean, he did vote against the Lake and Riley Act. But now he flew thousands of miles to save a dirt bag. If their security did a cavity search, they'd find his head. Thank you. Good butt joke.

But my guess is he figured this virtue signal would put him on the media's map so he booked a flight. Mid-air, the news breaks, and suddenly he's in a trap of his party's making. Can't you just see him after he saw the news on his phone, bawling his eyes out and banging on the cockpit door? Please, you've got to turn this thing around. I left my wallet in the s at dolls. Or dullus. Dullus. So just like a dumb shit keying a car, he looks like a fool.

And what's next for him? Well, what's next for those students caught on video tearing down hostage posters? Screaming on behalf of Hamas? Good luck getting a job. Besides a primetime slot on MSNBC. Or what of the activists arrested for blocking traffic or trashing art museums? Their future is as bright as Stevie Wonder's career as an NHL goalie. No, it's because he's black.

Now see, I didn't see that coming. So once these misguided dopes are led to this place, who leads them out? No one. They were used. A means to an end, like when I dated a Kardashian. And how many lives were told Trump was Hitler, Musk imitated a Nazi, or that Doge was stealing their benefits, and then sent, death threats that got him picked up. The list goes on. But all of these narratives they use have one thing in common. Each one is the new thing, not the real thing. It's the novelty of a new lie to replace the debunked old one. After their previous hoax gets fact-checked, they move to the next one before you can figure out that you were bamboozled in the first place. It's how we ended

up getting something like queers for Palestine, which is as absurd as boners for Rosie O'Donnell. Terrible. Rather than focusing on real solutions to real problems, the left creates lies to sway public opinion. And some indeed get swayed, enough to shoot a president, trash your car, defend violent gang members from other countries. The Dems act as the marionette, riling constituents into a frenzy against the evil they were told existed.

They've set these traps for years, entangling their vulnerable into a web of deceit. But their reign of lies will come to an end once voters realize they're being led down the path towards their own self-destruction, fighting a mirage that wasn't there, and left among the rubble, a fool like

Van Hollen, trying to book a flight back from El Salvador with nothing in his hand but his own dick. And a tiny bag of peanuts. Let's welcome tonight's guest. Listen ad free with a Fox News

Podcasts a subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show ad free on the Amazon music app. It's Will Cain Country. Watch it live at noon Eastern Monday through Thursday at Fox News.com or on the Fox News YouTube channel. And don't miss the show.

Listen and follow the podcast five days a week at Fox News Podcasts.com or wherever you download your favorite podcasts.