Gutfeld! Monologues - Dems Swear They’re Normal Now

Episode Date: September 4, 2026

As seen on Gutfeld! Greg talks about the report that Democrats are vying for who is most "normal". Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca. Pleasure is all yours. Good evening, everyone.

So ex-Spiderman star Andrew Garfield has renewed calls for a gay Spider-Man. What's the difference between a gay and a straight Spider-Man? Well, instead of the superhero being bit by a radioactive spider, he would be attacked by a genetically altered Elton John. According to the Pentagon, guidance for measuring testosterone and American troops is coming, and military members must now have high testosterone. her own levels to serve. To pass the new requirements, you must still maintain an erection even after looking at this. Here's a heartwarming story. This week, a 91-year-old man became the oldest

hiker to ever complete the Appalachian Trail. And get this, it was totally accidental since he was just going out to get the mail. Former Democrat Senate candidate Graham Platner announced that he would no longer be speaking at a Labor Day rally after rally organizers decided. to rescind their offer. Huh, was it something I raped? He asked. Fast food restaurant Taco Bell is pleased to introduce a brand new ice cream taco.

Oh, hold on. I'm just getting word. There's been a nationwide outbreak of frozen diarrhea. With the 25th anniversary of 9-11 approaching New Jersey is stepping up security around giant landmarks. This, after hearing that terrorists may be planning to fly planes.

into Chris Christie. It's absurd. It's not real, people. Finally, a billionaire venture capitalist named Doug Leone says he had a root canal without Novocaine just to prove to himself how tough he was, which had one man say, oh yeah, try it with a colonoscopy.

We'll be back with more Gutfeld. Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca.

So the Dems want us to believe they're sane after years of acting insane. but it's like a crazy ex telling you that she's changed, even though she's calling you from the loony bin. The Hill reports that Dems are now battling among one another over who is the most normal of all, which is quite a contest. You might as well ask hosts of the view who has the sweatiest back.

So now it's all about who can be the most reasonable. Gavin Newsom wants Dems to become more culturally normal. Well, if he means bang your best friend's wife, count me in. because that's what he did. Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear says they need to talk like a normal human being. Big deal. I say the same thing to my cleaning lady. Democrat Senator Eliza Slotkin says they need to stop sounding like they're in a faculty lounge.

Really, faculty lounge. That's being a little too generous. Maybe if the faculty lounge were in a clown college. And remember AOC? She recently said, woke one was crazy like she wasn't part of it at all. She's like a tour guide acting shocked that everyone followed her off a cliff. So now they realize her idiocy costs them the votes of mainstream of Americans. And they're getting nervous, especially with the DSA gaining steam.

Just a reminder, the DSA is anything but normal. They want to get rid of the police, the presidency, the Senate, and from what I can tell, basic proper hygiene. So their new pitch, we're normal. One small problem, what does normal mean? and why would we believe what your definition of normal is when you can't even define what a woman is? Thank you.

Yeah. Asking them to tell us what normal is, it's like asking a traffic cone what to wear to a wedding. But with the Dems, can they even figure it out? Because if so, how come they never actually tell us what it is? This whole article is Democrats saying we want to be normal without giving us a single example of what normal actually is. They're talking in code.

because Democrats still haven't confronted the actual issues that made voters think that they were bat-a-crazy. No, a man isn't a woman. Crossing the border illegally is a crime. Criminals should be prosecuted. That's normal, which means if you're a tranny from Tijuana who just shot a border patrol officer, you're not a member of the oppressed.

And sorry, to the rest of us, being happy when an executive gets murdered or blaming us for 9-11 and then, or marrying your brother? That's textbook weird. But we can't assume that's what the Dems mean by normal because they didn't say it. So they're avoiding condemning what they claim

to be walking back. They're beating around a bush that they're too afraid to trim. I know what you're thinking. Oh, they say maybe we went too far, but they won't say we were wrong about the border crime or trans. Instead, they say we want to be normal, which is like telling my staff, yeah, I made a mistake, but not.

admitting that I invested their salaries in beanie babies. But one of the great things about wokeism is that it's like porn. You know it when you see it? The moment you hear something woke, you get it. It's a statement that runs counter to reality but demands you pretend otherwise. You know, men can get pregnant or math is racist or fat is healthy.

Hell, they even lost Jerry Nadler on that one. Woke is obvious, which is why when someone says they long for a return to normalcy, they have to bear the responsibility of speaking truths, or it just sounds like more wokeism. And this is why the Dems will fail and the media will too if they don't call them on it. Because if you're saying normal,

but you're too scared to speak the truth about the abnormalities you previously defended, then shut up. In fact, that would be the most normal thing you could do. Listen ad free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts, and Amazon Prime members can listen to show ad-free on the Amazon Music app. Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer.

That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcf walk.ca.ca.