Gutfeld! Monologues - Do Costco's Great Prices Explain Diddy's Vices?

Episode Date: September 28, 2024

As seen on Gutfeld!, FOX News Contributor, Kat Timpf, Comedian Joe Devito, FOX News Contributor Charlie Hurt, and Dr. Drew Pinsky discuss whether Diddy was improper, or if he really was just a savvy shopper. Plus, Gutfeld mocks Vice President Kamala Harris' incoherent interview on MSNBC Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Your adelaation is deserved. Happy Thursday, everyone. A new studies suggest that engaging in hobbies can stave off dementia. Well, unless your hobby is being president. Speaking of, Biden's Commerce Secretary, Gina Raimondo, said Donald Trump should be extinguished for good, which upset other Democrats who want to set him on fire. Hey, I like that joke.

I don't care if you don't. Last night, Kamala Harris sat down for her first solo interview since becoming the Democratic nominee. We tell you what she said, once we have it translated. But talk about a huge risk for Harris, you know, leaving our husband alone during nanny season. It is nanny season, so put on your rubbers. The boots. and the condoms. Hillary Clinton defended calling Trump supporters deplorables

and then claims that many are living with unresolved trauma. Well, she knows unresolved trauma. She hasn't been touched by a man since 1992. And that was her gynecologist who died mysteriously. president of Ireland is accusing Israel of leaking a letter he wrote to Iran's president. He also believes that Israel is after his lucky charms. After 26 years, Hoda Kotpie is leaving the Today Show. I know, to spend more time with their daughters.

You have daughters? asks one man. A group called Police Leaders for Community Safety just endorsed Kamala Harris. They were created this past June. Its chairwoman is the former chief of the University of Wisconsin Police, a campus cop.

She looks like Randy Wine Garden's younger brother. But if this is a real group, then so is Jesse Joddy Watters fan club. I'd redo that, but I don't care. And finally, New York City Mayor Eric Adams is accused of taking illegal campaign contributions, including free luxury travel to and from Turkey. Did someone say Turkey? asked one man. Never gets old, at least to me. All right.

So Kamala finally did a national solo TV interview. And unlike P. Diddy, she didn't need any baby oil to slide through this one. Before the interview, MSNBC's Stephanie Rule revealed her unique qualifications for the job on Bill Marshow. I'm not, I just said I'm not going to vote for her. running for perfect. She's running against Trump. We have two choices. And so there are some things you might not know her answer to. When you move to Nirvana, give me your real estate broker's number, and I'll be your next door neighbor. We don't live there. Okay, then I would just say this. Did you ever play the game? Would you rather? Would you rather? Yeah, I play

would you rather every time I put on MSNBC? Would I rather watch that or start a juice cleanse before making love to Andrea Mitchell? But voting for Kamala seems a lot more like a different game, like sorry or risk. Meanwhile, Biden was more of a boggle, trivial pursuit with time left over for operation. So that's all Rule needs to know. Kamala is in Trump.

And Steph's really passionate about Kamala avoiding the press, unless, of course, the press is her. There she is. But first things first. Why is Rule wearing the latest from the Wednesday Adams collection? Maybe she knew Kamlo's going to speak less than lurch. RIP. And where did they tape this? The back room of a Home Depot?

I think they were both sitting on floor model toilets. Anyway, on to the substance of the interview. There wasn't any. There was more fluffing here than in your average porno. If rule were any more of a plant, she'd require watering. But at least I didn't hear the word holistic three times in 15 seconds. And looking holistically at the connection between that and housing. and looking holistically at the incentives we in the federal government

can create for local and state governments to actually engage in planning in holistic manner that includes prioritizing affordable housing. And here I thought Joe was the stutterer. She says holistically like she just learned the word holistically. It was like I was in Spanish class when I finally learned the phrase L, sexo, anal. Kamala also talked as if she hasn't been the VP for the past four years.

Instead, she sounded like a temp on her first day at a new job. She says she wants to create an opportunity economy. But like Joe, after a pint of strained peas and three insures, she left a big mess. But not everyone, you know, gets handed stuff on a silver platter. And so my vision for the economy, I call it an opportunity economy, is about making sure, that all Americans, wherever they start, wherever they are, have the ability to actually achieve those dreams and those ambitions. She's going to create an economy.

She can't even create a sentence. How about this? So, just to be very frank, I am never going to apologize for going after companies and corporations that take advantage of the desperation of the American people. Wow. Greedy grocers aren't the reason families need a co-signer to buy eggs, lady. You think someone who smoked as much wheat as she claims would keep the price of snacks down.

Of course, she wants those evil corporations to pay their fair share. We're going to have to make sure that the biggest corporations and billionaires pay their fair share. That's just it. It's about paying their fair share. I am not mad at anyone for achieving success, but everyone should pay their fair share. Fair share doesn't mean anything. It's like saying I love you. For the phrase fair share is terminally subjective.

And like a book from Brian Kilmead, no smart person buys it. especially any adult who's been around kids we're saying that's not fair is applied to everything including when I wouldn't pay the Boy Scouts I hired to wax my back because the experience should be payment enough letting a Democrat decide what a fair tax rate is

is like letting a junkie decide how much meth he should get for 50 bucks here's more gibberish tax deduction for startups to generate the innovation and the ambition of the ideas that are present and among us

but need the fuel to be able to actually achieve the goal. Is it just me or do I feel like someone just roofied chat GPT? So that's all we got. But how do rule think it went? Does she think one could watch and say calmly didn't give a clear

and direct answer? But that's okay because we're not talking about clear and direct issues. One could watch that and say, well, she didn't give a clear, direct answer. That's okay, because we are not talking about clear or direct issues. Okay, flying none. Her and Kamala should have a stupid off. The issues aren't clear or direct. Inflation, crime, the border, what's unclear there?

I'm going to use that excuse the next time a cop asked me how fast I was going. Just kidding, I have a driver. Doocy's not bad. But Steph got exactly what she said she wanted. No straight answers. And for the rest of us, not so much. At least now we know why Kamala has been avoiding the press. I've never seen someone so anxious and irritable

while trying to express hope and joy. She probably woke up with a headache. I don't know if she's a wine drunk, but her policies are those of a wine drunk, vague platitudes that could only fool other drunks matching her drink for drink. Until the morning, when the harsh sun of reality peaks through the blinds, no wonder consumer confidence fell in September after notching a six-month high.

Because perhaps the public not only sees Harris as the Democrat nominee, but also the one being pushed by the legacy media, the deep state, Hollywood, all the usual suspects. Once again, we're in an unfair fight just because we're winning. All right. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back. Did you know that at Chevron you can fuel up on unbeatable mileage and savings? With Chevron rewards, you'll get 25 cents off per gallon on your next five visits. All you have to do is download the Chevron app and join to start saving on fuel.

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You can catch a glimpse of this huge cock at his farm in Virginia. Watch his contributor, Charlie Hertz. Like George Carlin, Richard Pryor, and Joan Rivers, someday he'll also be dead. Writer and comedian Joe DeVito. If you have an affliction, he'll be your addiction. Chief Patient Officer for the Wellness Company, Dr. Drew Pinsky.

And who knows what may loom from this fair maiden's womb? New York Times best-selling author and fussing contributor cut, too. Was Diddy improper or just a savvy shopper? His lawyer defends with ferocity, Diddy's need for viscosity. Our video of the day comes to us from Sean Diddy Combs. Lawyer, his lawyer is Mark Agnifillo. He tells TMZ there's a simple explanation for Diddy's boatload of baby oil that federal agents discovered during the raids of his mansion.

Roll it, Greta. They call them freakoffs. But, you know, back when I was a kid in the late 70s, they were called threesomes. If these are genuinely threesomes, how do you explain 1,000 bottles of baby oil? I don't know where the number of 1,000 came. The U.S. Attorney said it. He buys in bulk. You know, I think they have Costco's in every place where he has a home.

I mean, have you sat in a parking lot of a Costco and see what people walk out of there with? Well, he is a lawyer. I always go into Costco when I need. baby oil in bulk. But see, you don't save money at Costco buying 1,000 bottles of baby oil. You save money by buying one 500 gallon barrel of baby oil. Instead of having to slather it on, I save time by being lowered into it. Head first. Joe, I guess Costco is denying it. Who do you believe? Do you buy the lawyer's excuse or Costco's denial? You know you have too much or something when Costco says, we don't sell it in that.

That's excessive. Although just noticing hearing his lawyer talk about this with the beats behind it is so much better than anything he ever recorded. I thought I would listen to that, jam. Yeah, it's insane that. Here's the thing with baby oil. It's like buying a container of morton salt. You buy one and you have it for most of the rest of your life. Yes.

Okay? It comes with you when you move. Yes, you just, now, if you go to someone's house and you see they have more than two bottles of baby oil, you get the hell out. Yes. Bad. And these freak-offs, just have a normal orgy. Maybe a three-bottle orgy. He's conducting these things like it's a civil war reenactment.

But the lawyer should shut up. This lawyer should have remained silent because he's up there. saying, I don't know, people buy all kinds. It's like, you're not helping Puffy with this. Yeah, you know, medical question, Dr. Drew. Please no. Oh, my God. Where is this going?

Where do you find the babies to get all the baby oil from? To squeeze a lot of them. Yeah, you have to squeeze. Why is it called baby oil? Back in the day, I guess you put it on babies. What is it, though? It's just a lubricant. That's all, look.

Do we know? You're not really a doctor. Do we know for sure that it's baby oil that was in these things? I don't know. Let's ask our two buddies, Johnson and Johnson over there. There's two issues. GHB looks a lot like baby oil. It's very viscous like that.

Oh, do you think it was a decoy? I don't know. And I just read an interview where apparently he had sort of a OCD with cleanliness, and he would always ask for there to be some lubricant there to rub all over us. Yeah, lubricant, but the, you know, alcohol to wipe his hands. he touches something, the freak-offs must have been very freaky for him when he, you know, was touching more than his hands. Well, if you're buying it by the palate.

Yeah. That's bad. There's no medical reason, though, for a thousand bottles. Well, I'll tell you what, it smacks of addiction to me. Because when people get, and by the way, Shugnight was on a news broadcast last night by phone saying that he was worried about him having drug withdrawal. And I thought, oh, yeah, that makes sense. When people are sex and drug addicted, they start to do crazy things, and they get more sloppy

and it gets more intense. So it kind of smacks of that. Yeah, smacks indeed. Thank you. Thank you. Kat, do you buy a thousand of anything? No, but I could have done a better job explaining the baby oil than the lawyer did it. Than saying it was because he got it at Costco.

He should have done better. He should have said, well, listen, did he being a lot of the people he invited to his orgies had psoriasis. Ah. She could say a lot of the other people in Hollywood would exclude people with chronic skin conditions from their orgies, but not Diddy, because he was inclusive. Yeah, there you go. So then he's like a philanthropist. That is true.

That is true. No one's throwing orgies for people with moderate to severe black series. You almost got it. Which I don't know what that is. Charlie, on your farm. You have all sorts of animals. You have cows, don't you, and some horses and some pigs? And you have chickens and roosters, cocks, you might call them.

At your parties on the farm, we might be unaccustomed to... We don't have these kind of parties. Yes. Do you see a useful reason for a thousand bottles? No, and I'm most interested in the... good doctor's explanation that baby oil is for lubricating the babies. I didn't know that. I disagree. I disagree with everyone here. I think that whatever P. Diddy is paying his lawyer, it's not enough. I think that was the greatest explanation. And the thing is, what you really

pay a lawyer for is to say that with a straight face. And he said it with a straight face and then stop talking. Yeah. So, and it's not like P. Diddy doesn't have the money to pay the guy. Yeah, that's true. All right. Out of time, Charlie here at Joe DeVito, Dr. Drew Tiff, our studio audience. Fox News, that's that's on Greg. I feel, and I love you, America.

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