Gutfeld! Monologues - Gen Z Gives The Trump Team Glee

Episode Date: November 9, 2024

As seen on Gutfeld!, Musician, Winston Marshall, Comedian Jamie Lissow, FOX News Contributor, Kat Timpf, and Host of the 'Tyrus & The Wise Men' podcast, Tyrus, break down some of the most insane reaction to President-elect Trump's resounding election victory. Plus, Gutfeld delivers a monologue recapping this historic election that sounded just a tad different from those of other late night hosts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. I don't know. and mandate. Happy Thursday, everyone. So President Biden addressed the nation today at 11 a.m. Eastern, or as he calls it, bedtime. It was there. He promised a peaceful transfer of power

to Donald Trump from Barack Obama. Biden congratulated Trump on his win, thank Kamala for his service, and then announce his plans to run in 2028. Meanwhile, Kamala gave her concession speech yesterday. A squirrel ran across the stage moments before. The audience also thought they saw a raccoon nearby eating garbage. Turns out it was just Nancy Pelosi.

Yeah. Not looking good, man. So on MSNBC this morning, Joe Scarborough seemed shocked when he learned the actual price of butter. But don't blame him. Mika only uses margarine on her fist. I'm so glad you knew what I was going with there, you know? Yesterday, Jimmy Kimmel got teary over the election results. True.

Kimmel will never get to have his abortion. Besides the one that airs five nights a week. Distraught celebs like Cher, Amy Schumer, and Bruce Springsteen are threatening to leave the United States. Even worse, even worse, Robert De Niro is threatening to stay. Fans are suggesting Cher moved to Afghanistan, where she'd benefit for being forced to cover her face. Hey, they were mean to us first. Hello, Hitler. Yeah, they call us Hitler.

All bets are off. Earlier today, the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree was cut down in West Stockbridge, Massachusetts. It'll be hoisted into place using the same crane that they used to lift Joy Behar out of her limo. A hotel in the Philippines received a Guinness World Record for a 100-foot-tall building shaped like a rooster. It's the first time Asians have been recognized for having a giant cock. That's another word for rooster. Not penis. All right.

So a Republican has won an election, and you know what that means. Jimmy Carter has to stay alive for four more years. It's also time for liberals to tell themselves that they're still right about everything and their hysteria and delusions of persecution are perfectly normal. Yet right now, they're melting like that stick of butter, Joy Behar keeps between her thighs to prevent chafing. Case in point last night, all the other late night hosts threw a hissy fit. It's too bad.

Waltz is still grieving, or he could send him all a sack of industrial strength tampons. Poor Jimmy. True, it was a terrible night for women, children, and for the hundreds of thousands of hardworking immigrants who cut his lawn. It was a terrible night for women, for children, for the hundreds of thousands of hardworking immigrants who make this country go, um, for health care, for our climate, for science. For journalism, for justice, for free speech, it was a terrible night for poor people, for the middle class, for seniors, for rely on Social Security, for our allies in Ukraine, for NATO, for the truth, and democracy and decency, and it was a terrible night for everyone who voted against him, and guess what? It was a bad night for everyone who voted for him, too. You just don't realize it yet. You know what? If I ever cry on TV, it'll be because Maroon 5 put out a new song.

But that's it. You big... Now, remember when Johnny Carson cried like a baby over Ronald Reagan getting elected? Yeah, neither do I. And you know why he didn't? Because his wife didn't keep his balls in a Tupperware container next to a box of tofu burgers. But the killer phrase was at the end

when Kimmel said, you just don't realize it. Because, you see, he's smarter than you. And he needs you to know that. And his ego can't bear that there's someone out there more famous and more influential than him. I got news for you, Kimmel. The last time you mattered, Bruce Jenner still had a penis. Love you, Bruce.

Jimmy's career peaked with busty girls on trampolines. Now, the only boob we see is him. He once co-hosted The Man Show. Now he's sobbing like he just watched Steele Magnolia's three days into his menstrual cycle. Here's another morose multimillionaire. Hey there.

How are you doing? If you watch the show regularly, I'm guessing you're not doing great. Yeah, me neither. Oh, you're not doing great. You're filthy, rich, and totally immune from the crap you pushed on everyone else. By the way, I'm actually doing fine, Stephen. Other than the 48-hour erection I've had since they called Pennsylvania, I'm feeling no pain, bro.

Yeah, clap for it. Oh, it's painful. But Stephen, have you tried maybe just getting over you? Just getting over yourself, you've been bashing Trump for eight years, and all you've done is help put him back in power. After being wrong about something every day and night for eight years, you might consider trying something new, like, I don't know, comedy. But at least Seth Myers reveals the source of his anguish.

Relevance. Trump has it. He doesn't. We live in an infinite time warp where Donald Trump has always been and will always be the center of the universe. There can be no escape. All hail are powerful. and benevolent Supreme Leader. Or how about you just do your dumb little comedy show and stopped acting like you tried to save the world, but we were too ungrateful to listen to your brilliance.

NBC's late night show used to be wacky hijinks until Seth turned it into an hour with your gay therapist. So these fellows are experiencing deep mental pain. And it's not just them. Journalists are now offering tips to deal with their disappointment. frustration, even fear. And I get it. That's normal after any loss. I'm still mad about losing world's sexiest man to Johnny Depp. But why would people feel fear? Maybe because

there are only news sources are constantly telling them Trump's going to turn America into Nazi Germany. But you know who felt actual fear doing the Biden administration? People who had to ride the subway or have to buy groceries or anybody who wants to bang a chick who doesn't have testicles. That's a lot of people. But now, even Kamal admits everything's going to be fine. So much for Trump being Hitler. Turns out she was lying the whole time.

They all were. Still, CBS gave handy tips for coping with loss. CNN recommends taking deep breaths, long walk. And please, don't suppress your emotions. Usually when they cry this much, they're sharing an elevator with Brian Stelter on Taco Tuesday. And so the media is giving you solutions to the problems they caused. After all, who generated all the anxiety by promising the apocalypse if Trump won? They did.

It's like climate hysteria. They bang the drum on it enough. and then kids came down with climate stress. They pretended cure a disease. They cooked up in their own labs. It's like China coming up with vaccine for COVID. Look at Kimmel and Colbert. They're wrecks because they believe the media.

And yet, we're fine because we weren't brainwashed. We know the media's job is to lie, to create anxiety out of proportion to the actual threat or no threat at all. Journalists really only need to give you one tip to manage stress, and that stop paying attention to journalists. Maybe these late-night losers will stop thinking that the world is ending because we know under Trump

it's really just beginning. All right, don't go anywhere. We'll be right back. If you're thirsting for asphalt melting your work boots, tape measure has anger issues, nail guns talking smack again, and hard hat baked onto head-level refreshment, we definitely have that.

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Tropical drinks with little umbrellas. Stress doesn't exist here, but it could back at home where an undetected water leak can turn into costly water. damage. But with Mowen Flo, you can enjoy your vacation with no worries. It detects leaks and stops your water main automatically from anywhere. So the only thing on your mind is having nothing on your mind, Moen. Here we is. Welcome to tonight's guest. He's like Joe Biden and that a woman tried to steal his house to. After a writer and comedian Jamie LaSalle.

He got kicked out of the band for taking a stand. Musician Winston Marshall. And when her water breaks, it'll be Poland's spring. New York Times best selling author and posits contributor catch. And he's so big, he gets his own electoral vote. New York Times best selling author, comedian, and former M.W.

Oh, I got this fun. Tony Robbins for Trump. Young men voted for Trump. Winston, this is a great story. Young men shifted nearly 30 points to the right since 2020. Analysts say it's because of the new media. Masculine cultural figures, help them appeal to Gen Z guys. My theory is that they like real dudes, and there were no real dudes on the other side.

You're a young man. What's your analysis? Hey, well, you know, this is actually happening across the world, not just in America. In my country, in England, in July at the elections, women are going left, men are going right. Now, it's not really a surprise. For the last 10 years, they've told us patriarchy, this toxic masculinity, that even in the Kamala campaign, they were actively and openly denigrating men. Dana Bash at the DNC, she was saying, we need to appeal to low-team men. No wonder they put Tampon Tim as the running mate.

In fact, he sums it all up. It was such a joke. Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Go ahead. Well, and the other side, you have Elon parallel parking 40-foot story rockets. Yeah. No wonder. I want to be on that team. And it gets better still.

Women, it turns out women want actual out for men, too. Right. Women like real men, it turns out. To that point, Kat, young women also shifted to the right by 14 percentage. points that's almost 15 cat but more than 13 but not 15 14 mm-hmm okay I feel like Kamala could have just like said something nice about dudes at some point I was looking at her Twitter X whatever it's called and I just searched the word men and she had some things like this is for Latino men and the chair another one this is for

black men and so it was still very much through the lens of race And yes, as you point out, all the men surrounding her were like, listen, first of all, as a dude, I'm sorry that I'm a dude. Like, that was the vibe that they brought to the function. And I think that there's just so much of that that people, they just, you're inherently bad because you're a man, then what he's supposed, where are you supposed to go from there? Exactly. And then Trump, I think also combined with the fact of being told he was evil, he was Hitler, he was this, he was that, you see him just kind of joking around on some of these podcasts with the podcast that a lot of these men just watching. for fun that really put it at that that picture at odds and it made them a lot harder for a lot harder for them to yes and he also did our show for an hour and exactly ours is

yeah we did our show and he's on with Andrew Schultz he's on with Joe Rogan on MSNBC someone said they heard from a voter who said they literally voted for Trump instead of Kamala because Kamala wouldn't do Joe Rogan yes all right Chiris you know we kept hearing about the bros for Kamala and they were all again like you said they were like on they're on like Instagram and on X. That should let you further know they weren't bros. Yeah. They were hos for Kamala. My husband hasn't posted on Instagram in like three years. Yeah. No man says had breakfast feeling great, ready to go out, took four deep breaths, ready to man up with Kamala lamala. Never happened, Greg. You know, President Trump is a

He's a dude, and he's one of the boys, as we were saying, in wrestling. When I did my sit down with him, even when our interview was over, we were talking about boxing and football and just guy stuff and kids stuff to the point. They're like, Mr. President, you got a really important dinner to go to. He's like, but I'm talking to my bro. And I was like, appreciate you, but you probably should go to that Catholic dinner. And the reason why his papers were all messed up because he was hanging out with me. He was like, oh, I didn't read these jokes in time. I don't want to tell you why, because he was, he stayed for one extra beer with the,

bros, and we respect that. You tell us we're wrong. We open the door. How dare you? We pull a guy off you from trying to attack you the subway. He's just as bad. No one's voting for that. And here's a deal. Women want men to be men. They have girlfriends. They don't need the men to come in. Like, I sat in on one Tupperware party once. And all I said, when it was my turn, I was like, it's a bowl. What is it? And then I broke my own neck and got out of it. But it wasn't men, it wasn't women. It wasn't gay, straight.

I said it was everybody. Everybody was in the room. Jamie, I'm sure you're used to this. You're up there doing your best. And everyone in the audience is like, is he talking about it. Let's go. And they all just go.

And that's what happened. It was across the board. But bros can joke like that. Yes. Yes. He's not going to cry. No. Don't you cry, Jamie.

Don't you do it, Jamie? What? I thought a lot of great points and insults were made. I didn't even know that about England. That makes sense to me because I lean right, my wife left. Nicely done. I don't think it's that crazy that somebody said they wouldn't vote for Kamala for not being on Joe Rogan. Because I think some people get it wrong when they say it's because they like Rogan.

It's because their fans are Rogan. That's not the case. It's because it's a place where you can hear them be a real person. I don't think it, I think Rogan has the reach, but it's because J.D. Vance and Trump came out and were real human beings for three hours. And you were like, holy, like, that's who I'm voting for. which we never got from Kamala. She treated America like it's always a first date, right? Like, it's always the first date.

Like, we couldn't find out anything bad and still like her. It was like, which I'm, you know, I say whatever they want to hear in her first date. I'll tell them things like, I'm leaving soon. Whatever. But I think it's the real person variable, which is, like, even like her speeches, man. They're like, it could be AI. I watched her last speech in closed caption. And right in the middle, the lady wrote, this job.

And that was it. It just, she walked up. The language on you. Out of time, Jamie Lissa, Winston Marshall. Catch up Doris, our studio audience. I love you, America. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show,

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