Gutfeld! Monologues - Gov. Kristi Noem Puts Down Her Political Career

Episode Date: May 11, 2024

As seen on Gutfeld!, Co-Anchor of America's Newsroom and Co-Host of The Five, Dana Perino, FOX News Contributor Kat Timpf, Host of The Wise Men Podcast Tyrus, and Comedian Michael Loftus discuss Stormy Daniels' graphic testimony in former President Trump's NYC trial.  Plus, Gutfeld roasts South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem (R) for canceling her appearance on the show amidst a multitude of baffling scandals. Follow Greg on Twitter: @GregGutfeld Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. Happy Tuesday, everybody. All right. So, we were supposed to have Governor Kristy Nome on the show tonight, but she canceled. Her staff blamed bad weather. We go to some locals for reaction. But who knows why she canceled, right? When we asked her how her week had been going, she replied, rough.

Maybe it was the bad weather. I heard it was raining cats and dogs. I tried to convince Noam to stay and do our show, and I even told her that my dog Gus had all his shots. She replied, not yet he hasn't. Yeah, she just shoot a dog. She screwed the pooch. Of course, Noam faces controversy over stories from her new book. CBS News claims Noam is now in the dog.

house with Maga. But lucky for her, we now know there's plenty of room. Wow. Thank you. See the dog's dead. The house is room here. It's funny. It's like OJ, but we know who the killer is. Yes, exactly. Carri Jean-Pierre blasted Nome for suggesting Joe Biden's dog commander also be put down. It was a good strategy by now. Gnome tried to get other people to shoot dogs to blend in. She's also accused of making up a story of meeting Kim Jong-un. According to sources, Kim Jong-un was upset they didn't meet since he'd already prepared one of his

country's signature dishes. Now there's speculation that Gnome has ended her chances as Trump's potential VP. but some say she's boosted her chances for another position in government. Wow. Critics add that Nome has been criticized over using the dog story to sell books. Not true, she said. You know, you could have done the show. Could have done the show.

We're nice people. Everybody here teases everybody else. We have a good time. We would have, you probably would have come off looking a lot better than you do now because we would have had fun, but instead you chose to run. Boo. All right. On to other news.

Famous obese liberal Michael Moore is strongly encouraging students to take over more campus buildings, asking that they start with the cafeterias first. Kevin Spacey, the actor. said he's endorsing presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., said Spacey, you had me a junior. Spacey called RFK a formidable fighter for justice, also adding that he has an incredible ass. Wow. Jesus. Wow.

Joe Biden is witnessing a 28% decline in black support. The president claims that number is actually zero since he says they are no longer black. Stormy Daniels took the stand today in the Trump hush money trial, though her testimony was marred when she kept deep throading the microphone. To swear her in, the bailiff placed her right hand on an old copy of Hustler. Are there any new copy? I don't know. And finally, zoo goers in China were shocked to find out that the pandas on display were actually dogs died to look like pandas.

Upset customers immediately contacted someone to rectify the situation. All right. Let's do a monologue. You guys are great. So yesterday, Politico ran a piece, mourning the death of swagger. in journalism. The writer, Jack Schaefer, laments that wounded and limping, doubting its own future, American journalism seems to be losing a quality that carried it through a century and a half of trials. It's swagger. Hmm, wounded and limping. Sounds like they're describing

one of Chrissy Nome's dogs. It doesn't end yet. But Earth to Legacy Media, You can stop crying. Now it's over and you lost bigly. You're less trusted than weak old tuna salad. Schaefer's point is that journalism has become too timid, but his real purpose seems to be a call to action for his fellow reporters to get tougher. Sorry, Brian Stelter can't even do a girl push-up. Now, Schaefer goes on to claim that there are a few approved journalists out there with swagger. But apparently his definition of swagger is writers who despise half the country. because, of course, they're all either left or far left. The article is a bit like listening to your grandfather

reminisce about the crazy days of his youth while walking around the old age home with the back of his hospital gown open. Or if we're talking Biden, the front. But the article cluelessly proves its own point. If Schaefer, a longtime media type around New York and D.C., set out to mourn the death of traditional journalism, he just wrote its epitaph.

and on that gravestone, of course, would be a story about Russiagate. What traditional media missed today isn't swagger, like Joe Biden's bowels, it's control. Strangely, all of the swaggering types that Schaefer cites from the good old days are the characters who would be drummed out of the first newsroom they applied to by people like Jack Schaefer. I'm talking about the hard drinking, hard-charging, grizzled white dudes who were often abrasive, obnoxious, and politically incorrect. Think Lee Marvin, but with a typewriter. The kind of dinosaurs that founded the country, but are now the world's designated

bond villain. If Ben Franklin were alive today, he'd be sitting in HR, lectured by a non-binary Karen because no women signed the Declaration of Independence. But really, what Schaefer's mad about is that the media are no longer seen as heroes. He writes, quote, thanks in part to a fallen status. as well as ever irrational attacks from politicians like Trump. Today's journalists routinely experienced ridicule and harassment at public events like rallies and demonstrations.

True, they're like killmead in high school. So let's get this straight. You sold, poor Brian, she said. You sold us a year's long lie on Russian collusion. You tried to convince us that a laptop that was obviously genuine was fake. You're cheerleading the bogus law fair against a. the leading presidential candidate. Now you're crying because Trump doesn't like you

because the rest of us no longer genuflect. You're lucky we don't lock up your entire profession on a RICO charge. But Jack does have a point that today's mainstreamers are cowards. Here's former CNN reporter Michelle Kaczynski writing on X about a dinner she recently attended in Florida, which he claims still haunts her. Quote, all were well educated and successful in careers.

They seemed great on the search. surface. For like an hour, but slowly over a few drinks, they began to let their true maga nature's slip. Wait, were they polite? Did they pay the bill? Did they not burn down a police station? What gave them away? I bet someone called bullshed on her legacy media elitist conformity. Perhaps it was a little maga swagger, no? See, it's not about swagger at all. It's that someone has more swagger than them. Trump isn't living in the legacy media's heads, he's the landlord who keeps raising the rent. He's like a squatter the owners can't get rid of because he changed the locks.

So the main thing Schaefer misses is that the direction of this doomed called journalism originated from the mentality of the grad schools and the group think that he coddled. The Shafers of the world really want to see how their profession degraded. look no further than the machine that churned out these clones. But Jack can't say that because he's one of them, which makes him a bystander to the decline. You're not some whistleblower here, Jack. You're just another cog in the machine.

Then there's this little tell regarding what's really on this guy's mind. At the end, he adds, no, Fox News does not swagger. Sorry, have you seen Trace Gallagher? He's like James Dean mixed with a Dodge Charger. But Jack felt compelled to add that part because he knew that that would be the reaction, that there is swagger, but it's coming from all the places he and his buddies hate. So move over, Donald.

You got company in their heads. In fact, there's plenty of us swaggering around in their tiny brains. Lucky for you, Jack, I don't take up much space. All right. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back. The best coast just got better. Using Quantum of the Seas sailing from L.A. this fall.

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Tagged guests. She can do a swan dive into a bird bath, host of America's Newsroom and co-host of the Five, and she never shot a dog, Dana Perino. He never says, make yourself at home, because that's not his dumpster. The loftus party.com, Michael Lofton.

She often gets cranky when stocked by your cousin Frankie. New York Times bestselling author and Foxy's contributor, Kat Tiff. And Old Faithful is his bidet. New York Times bestselling author, comedian, former NWA world champion, Tyres. Throw Trump behind bars, then light your cigars, because Donald may prevail with a stint in jail. As the judge in Trump's trial keeps threatening him with jail for violating the gag order, the possibility of it actually happening is getting more real. The judge claims they're trying to preserve the dignity of the court,

in between testimony from a disbarred lawyer and a washed-up born star. At least I hope she washed up. Oh, my. On Monday. Trump was found in contempt to court for a 10th time, accusing and criticizing jurors or a court personnel. If he earns one more, he gets a free frozen yogurt. And while the judge says jailing him is the last thing he wants to do, the wisest among us say, bring it on. I hope they do arrest Trump.

I hope they put him in jail because that does guarantee that he wins. Please, please, please. This is becoming the greatest third act of any police. political story. And I said it a million times. I won't say it again. It's focusing and sharpening Trump. He comes out of the gate like a Bronco ready to just roar. And it's working. I mean, man, it's like he's up. God, he's gorgeous. Someone get that man his own show, or at least a cell adjoining Trump's. But perhaps seeing Trump in jail for just one day, we'll seal his victory. It'll be like when they locked up Martha Stewart and suddenly Snoop Dog

wanted to marry her. Plus, Trump's orange jumpsuit would match his complexion. But what a two-tiered system. Democrats commit real crimes in office and they don't go to jail. Trump sleeps with a porn star 20 years ago and they want to throw him in jail for criticizing the judge. They'll probably bring me in for having an illegally firm butt. Can't lie.

Either way, the Dems can kiss Biden's reelection goodbye. And while they're at it, they can kiss Trump's ass too. Because there's no silencing him. Unlike Biden, you just can't put a pacifier in his mouth. Trump's like the sun, giant orange, and it just keeps rising. If Democrats aren't careful, they'll end up like this. Loftus, you've been in and out of the pokey. Yeah, I might be going back.

But your career always does well after you've been in jail. Don't you think this is, do you believe in my theory that one day in jail, it'll be minimum security. They might send him home with an ankle bracelet. I think Trump would still be a better leader of this country from jail. Yeah. Like he could be behind the plexiglass and just be like, you know what, Kim Jong-un, bad things are going to happen. It's just, he's not going to jail ever.

Like, that's just, that can't happen. Because no one even knows what he's on trial for. Right. It's hard. Like, it's really tough. He's like, they're like, oh, he's got 91 indictments. For what? Explain one of them without a slide rule.

It's like, oh, he sold some real estate, but he undervalued it. And if you go back and look, and the way he did the accounting, it's like, shut up. It's like asking somebody where they went to college, right? When somebody goes, if you have real charges against Trump, it would be a short answer. Right. It's like, hey, so where did you go to school? Well, I started off in, you know, this community college and I hope my things transfer over to it. Those are the Trump charges, right?

You need, I'm looking for a short answer. I went to Ohio State. That's what I'm talking about. It's completely ridiculous. Kat, it is true. It's like, this is a, if you, no one knows this is a case about like how you wrote in on a business record of an accounting of a legal expense. They all think it's about hush payments and the stripper and whatnot. What not.

Yeah, that worked. Yeah, thank you. When in doubt, just say what not. What not. You know, I think also there just are so many different trials and things happening, and trials are really long, and I feel like people's attention span with it kind of starts to go after a while. Do I agree with your theory that there are people out there that hate him that would suddenly vote for him if he went to prison? I don't necessarily think so, no. I do think it definitely fires up the base more.

I think that that's accurate. I think also that if he did go to jail or prison, people would pay attention. because we want to know, like, how that would work exactly, right? You can't just, like, toss him and Jen Pop. No, you can. Right. Would he call into Fox and Friends? Jen, that would be amazing.

Hello, Brian. The collect is the call. Yes. That's a ringtone. Yeah. It would be incredible, Tyrus. I do think that this is, we're living in an absolute amazing movie, aren't we? We just don't know who's directing it right now.

Here's the thing. It's gotten to the point where this is the moment where you've told your child four times do not take the ice cream out of the fridge and the door is open and they've already climbed the stairs and they're looking at you and they're looking at the ice cream

and the judge is like if you take that ice cream if you do it don't you take okay if you open it Trump's now opening ice cream if you put your don't you put your hand in it don't you do it don't you do it all you did it all you did now I have to put you in jail So, and it's all for one thing.

It's all for one thing. Just so Biden can say, try to remember and say convicted felon. Yeah, that's what this entire thing is all about. And I think of the, and you know what it's about that one, they're literally going, the damning testimony from the porn star, because she's a porn star. So chances are she could tell a pretty good sex story and could interchange any name. It's pretty much, we've all seen the movies. Let's not play dumb, except maybe Dana. But, like, we've all seen the movies.

It's pretty much the same thing. So it's not like she couldn't say, this happened, then this happened. And then the judge's like, ew. You know, but it's what happened. It's completely irrelevant. It means nothing. But this is what this case is about. And this, all he's trying to do is a husband going, I have to go home after this, guys.

Like, please make this go away. It was just to embarrass him in front of his wife and get that. All they want is that little title, the little guarantee that says convicted felon. That's what this is about. What do you think? Do you think this lawfare is going to continue to help Trump, or is it going, or? I do not see it helping Biden at all. I don't see it hurting Trump.

I don't think it's necessarily helping Trump. He did do something today that I thought was better when he came out to give some remarks afterwards. He didn't spend a lot of time going after the judge or Stormy Daniels after court today. What did he talk about? He talked about the economy, inflation. He talked about Colombia protests. He talked about anti-semitism. I'm like, he talked about all the things that are the issues of the day that people care about, and that will help him immensely.

I do think also the other thing is the judge, he's because, I don't know how much America's paying attention. This guy is such a jerk. Yeah. He tells the prosecution, stop objecting so much. And then they say, well, we don't think you should have this witness. And he's like, shut up. So then they're like, okay, wait, let's not object too much because we're going to get him off. And then afterwards, he says, why didn't you guys object?

Yeah. How dare you not object? And now it's your problem. And they're caught between a rock and a hard place. It seems very unfair. That's like it reminds me. I'll go, and I go, do you need an umbrella? I'll say it to my wife.

No, it won't rain. Then it rains. And then she goes, why do you just bring an umbrella? By the way, my favorite part when Trump comes out to speak is the guy next to him who doesn't say anything. Yeah. They're like a power suit version of Penn and Teller. Have you ever noticed that? All right.

Out of time. Thanks to Christy Noam. Michael Loftus, Kattyarish, our studio on it. Dana Perino. Fox is a night, the Jimmy Chase Gallagher, I love you, America.

Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show, ad-free on the Amazon music app. Hey, I'm Trey Gowdy host of the Trey Gatti podcast. I hope you will join me every Tuesday and Thursday as we navigate life together. hopefully find ourselves a little bit better on the other side. Listen and follow now at Fox Newspodcast.com.