Gutfeld! Monologues - Hear President-Elect Trump Out About the External Revenue Service

Episode Date: January 18, 2025

As seen on Gutfeld! What if instead of taxing the great people of the U.S., America focused on taxing the people that have profited off our country for years? Greg breaks down how President-elect Trump is essentially planning to do just that with the external revenue service. He also opens the refrigerator to bring you the leftover jokes of the week (don't worry, they're just as good). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. Yes. Yes. Yes. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I do smell great. It's Friday, so you know what that means. Let's welcome tonight's guest. He helped pay for college modeling for J.C. Penny. Fox News contributor Tom Shaloo. him down except magnets. Fox News contributor Johnny Joey Jones. He gives liberals grief and provides disaster relief chef and restaurant owner, Andrew Gruel. She's very outspoken and mostly housebroken. New York Times best-selling author of Fox News contributor Kat Toom. All right. Before we get to some news stories, let's do this. Yeah, refrigerator door opens.

There are the leftovers. Yeah, it's leftovers where I read the jokes we didn't use this week. And as always, it's my first time reading them. So if they suck, we'll force Joe Mackey to clean Joe Biden's toilet bowl with his toothbrush. His toothbrush. So this week, the presidential portraits were revealed for Donald Trump and J.D. Vance. Vance, as you can see, is sporting the beard. You know, that's the first beard to be in the White House since Michelle.

Oh, yeah. Secretary of Treasury, Janet Yellen has admitted that she smoked weed. You know who else admitted to smoking weed? Her barber. She's still adorable. Japan is selling the world's first toilet paper made from used diapers.

Damn, I wish I thought. I thought of that, said one woman. A new study reveals which countries have the largest breast sizes, as well as which country has the biggest asses. But in last place, in last place with an average of A cups was Greenland. However, that Arctic country still leads the world in hardest nipples. Trump has proposed creating an external revenue service to collect money owed to us by foreign countries. And if they don't pay, we send Chris Christie to sit on them. That's how you break some legs.

California's Kyle Gordy, the world's most prolific sperm donor, is on track to father 100 children by the end of the year. Needless to say, Kyle is easily identifiable. Don Lemon went on a profanity-laced rant about mourning Joe host being too civil to Trump, prompting Don's passenger to give him a lousy Uber rating. Some people are self-deporting ahead of Trump's return to the White House. It's true. Seriously, Liz Warren is already going back to the Navajo Nation on horseback. In an interview with the Washington Post, Dr. Jill Biden laments Nancy Pelosi's betrayal, saying they were friends for 50 years. Yeah, she thinks Nancy is two-faced, which is an insult to her other six faces.

And Alaska Airlines flight attendant was. fired for twerking on camera. In her defense, she's claiming that the pilot had just illuminated the shake that ass sign. An only fan sex worker claimed she screwed over 1,000 men in 12 hours. Yeah, she's thinking of changing her name to DEI. That's good, huh? You thought. It thought it was going to go one way, right? Oh, this is filthy. No.

It became politically relevant before your eyes. And for the heroic efforts during the wildfires, a porn star is offering free services to LA firefighters. Patriotic men over there. They're already saluting. In a related story, guess who was just caught impersonating an LA firefighter. L.A. Firefighter. All right.

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It's a pretty clever name, if you ask me. I can imagine how it came about. There's this meeting, and some guy says, you know, what about it? about the Internal Revenue Service. They suck. And then some other guy goes, yeah, you're right, they do suck. I mean, why can't we have an external revenue service? Then Trump's eyes light up. And he says, I love it. We'll announce it tomorrow. But what is it? asked one guy. And Trump says, who the fuck cares? You're fired. Because he's right. He knows it's perfect. The mission is right in the title. Here's what Trump said. Quote, for far too long, we have relied on taxing our great

people using the IRS. Through soft and pathetically weak trade agreements, the American economy has delivered growth and prosperity to the world while taxing ourselves. We will begin charging those that make money off of us with trade, and they will start paying finally their fair share. In other words, just like Americans fear the consequences of not paying their taxes at home, foreign countries we do business with will now feel that same fear. Our companies have set jobs overseas only to import products here at no cost. We've been getting screwed on both ends like a double-headed bolt. Joey knows what I'm talking about.

Even more, all these countries have a huge GDP. You know, it's as if they're billionaires who won't pay their fair share. In essence, Trump is creating leverage in all negotiations where leverage never existed before. Think of it this way. A lot of countries don't put anything into their own military because they know they can count on hours. They're like the weak twerps who hang out with a high school bully, acting cocky but never having to throw a punch. Shaloo gets that. Other countries think of us like a free insurance policy against invasion.

So now Trump wants to turn our military into a private security force, an insurance plan with guns and a co-pay. Kind of makes sense for countries with no military. Or think of NATO, they have generous social programs because they don't have to spend as much on the military thanks to us. So it's about putting America first, and it began with Greenland. You know, look, we're happy to represent you guys, but we get something in return. So by creating the ERS, Trump puts his thought, this thought, which never occurred to you into your mind whether you like it or not. And what if it makes sense? First, Trump has to reveal the consequences if countries lose American protection. Till now, we've been offering protection through our military and access to our markets while asking for nothing in return.

Now that will change. That's what Trump's military strategy and the ERS is. And only Trump could come up with this. It's what he learned as a contractor in New York City. Trump ran into so many Don Corleone's that he became one of them. As Scott Adams points out, Trump absorbed their techniques of persuasion. You know, your country looks pretty good right now. It'd be a shame if something were to happen to it.

So America is going to be Don Corleone. I just hope Canada doesn't wake up with a horse. horse its head in its bed. Then the view will have to replace Joy Behar. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show, ad-free on the Amazon music app. It's the Will Kane Show. Watch it live at noon Eastern, Monday through Thursday on Fox News.com or on the Fox News YouTube channel.

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