Gutfeld! Monologues - “Keeping Up with The Douches”

Episode Date: April 21, 2026

As seen on Gutfeld!, Stormy Daniels is making her rounds on a stand-up comedy tour.  Meanwhile, Greg is “Keeping Up with The Douches” – don’t miss out on the laughs! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

All right, good evening, everyone. Big news. Stormy Daniels is now on her stand-up comedy tour. Yeah. Audians say they didn't recognize her standing up. Now, I don't want to say that she's put on a few pounds. But guess who recently offered her a job? It'll be... But good for her, I say. It'll be her biggest credit since once opening for Trump. So far, 11 of America. America's smartest scientists have suddenly died or vanished.

No wonder Mika keeps telling everyone that Joe's a brilliant scientist. A robot beat the human record by several minutes in a half marathon. Dejected Kenyon said, well, we're still the birthplace of Barack Obama. Kim Kardashian is dating Formula One driver Louis Hamilton. Hamilton admitted he's not interested in Kim, but it was just his turn. The good news is she can use his pit crew when it's time to change her ass. Barack Obama and Zoran Mondami visited a classroom of preschoolers to sing the wheels on the bus. And when Michelle showed up, one kid said, is it time for drag queen's story hour?

But this is nice. When they were done, Mayor and Mom Dani read from his new children's book, Horton, here's a Jew. Lesbian power couple, aren't they all? Megan Rapino, soccer star, and basketball legend Sue Bird have split up. No word on who gets custody of the Craftsman Wrench Set. In New York, which is where you are right now, a serial killer, a serial killer exhibit recreates the crimes of Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, and the BTK killer. And get this. They also have a ladies night.

And finally, the New York Mets have lost their 11th straight game. I know. Now when New Yorkers scream, what a bunch of overpaid losers, they aren't talking about Fox and Friends. They're not watching. They're just getting up. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. The ride that steals the spotlight every time it has. hits the road? That's the Volkswagen Tiguan. Its sleek exterior makes a first impression you can't

ignore. Step inside to find available full leather seats and wood accents. Under the hood, the available 201 turbocharged horsepower engine gives it a fun to drive edge. The refined Tiguan, you deserve more style. Visit vw.ca to learn more. SUVw, German engineered for all. So tonight, how about a quick check-in with some old pals? Keeping up with the Doches, life after Trump. So here's Stormy Daniels spotted outside at Atlanta theater before her live storytelling and comedy show. Because nothing says comedy like a 300-pound woman claiming she used to be a porn star. Now people pay to not see her have sex.

True, she went from triple X to triple XXL, from hush money to hush puppies. But at least now, she can have group sex by herself. Also spotted her cohort Michael Avanotti, serving an 11-year sentence for extortion, tax fraud, and stealing 300 grand from Daniels herself. This month, he was moved from a federal prison to a halfway house in L.A. Yeah, the man Brian Stelter thought could be president appears to be mopping the sidewalk.

Ironic that a dude who has made a mess of his own life is now cleaning up others. Meanwhile, what was Trump up to last Friday? Probably telling us that this has been by far the most successful first year of any administration in the history of our country. This has been by far the most successful first year of any administration in the history of our country.

To begin with, I ended eight wars. Zero illegal aliens coming into our country. in the past 11 months. The murder rate reached the lowest level in over 125 years. Deadly fentanyl pouring across our border is down by astounding 59%. Illegal drugs coming in by ocean or sea are down by 97%. We banned the transgender mutilization of our children. We got men out of women's sports.

And we got critical race theory out of our schools. And we abolish DEI across the entire federal government. Now that's not a bad list, I'd say. Right? Way better than Lincoln. In his first year, he started the Civil War. Nice going, idiot. So why is Trump looking great and his adversaries look terrible?

Have you noticed? Everyone who went after Trump looks worse for where. From Rosie to Springsteen to this thing currently. being spotted inhabiting the body of Kathy Griffin. Now, we are not dunking on them. It's not really their fault. They just took the bait like Joy Behar robbing a cooler of chum. We only bring them up as a reminder of how badly the media got it wrong and still gets it wrong.

We're dunking on those who egged these dopes down this path of destruction. And remember how they ate up Avenetti? We got lucky tonight. We're back with attorney. Michael Avanotti. He is a main player. To me, you're like the Holy Spirit. You are all places at all times. He's out there saving the country. Look, I think you're doing a hell of a job. I don't think you're in this for money. He's a rock star, I think. It'd be interesting to see his next check. Absolutely. Looking at the 2020, one reason why I'm taking you seriously as a

contender is because of your presence on cable news. That is literally the dumbest thing anyone at CNN has said after, let's give Jeffrey Toobin a laptop, look it up, or don't. So why did they get it wrong? Well, they're stupid, but their shared filter sucked, which was always Trump is Hitler. It dictated that every accusation from sleazy lawyers to porn stars was gospel truth. This filter allowed for an endless number of hoaxes from the P-Tape to the Five People hoax to Trump beating up a secret service agent from the back seat of a car. And even though the lies would explode in their faces, they kept on going because they were rewarded for it. Meanwhile, others could see through this BS. That was us. And we would be proven right again about each one.

Just wait, we would say to ourselves, knowing the next media fabrication would implode. And over time, they would. Our filter worked. Theirs didn't. And yet they still cling to it. And so the stormy Avanati thing leads us to Swalwell, also egged on as a Trump killer. He relished the role, the spotlight, the attention, and then his past deeds poured out like a drink he'd give to a staffer. Swalwell was just another Avanotti, who was just another Michael Cohen, who was just another version of Letitia James, the same mediocre midwits who hitched their wagon to Trump hate. James Comey, Jimmy Kimmel, Fony Willis, Stephen Colbert, same media creation. same overexposure, same delusion, same collapse.

And that's the lesson here. The media doesn't just get things wrong. It builds people up because they're wrong as long as they're useful. But when the story collapses, they move on and you're left with what we have tonight. One person holding on to relevance and the other a mop. Listen ad free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen. to this show and free on the Amazon Music app.