Gutfeld! Monologues - Kicking the Can Down the Road
Episode Date: March 4, 2026As seen on Gutfeld!, breaking down “Operation Epic Fury”. Meanwhile, Iran is kicking the can down the road while Trump is taking a strong stand against them. Learn more about your ad choices. V...isit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Good evening, everyone.
So the attack on Iran is underway, and the U.S. military is calling it Operation Epic Fury.
Not to be confused with Epic Furry, which is the operation to remove the hair from Rashida Taleb's face.
I said don't go in.
The president vowed to step up strikes on Iran and warned the big one is coming, which is.
is the same thing Jerry Nadler yells as a warning in the men's room after his two burrito lunch.
Don't get into that blast zone. The Ayatollah is dead, of course. And following that news,
jubilant crowds pulled down a statue of the deposed leader. But don't worry, it was
returned to its rightful owners at Columbia University. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Meanwhile,
while IDF missiles struck a location where Tehran's senior clerics met to elect a new Ayatola.
The remaining leaders are now questioning their choice of venue.
In his obituary, the Washington Post described the Ayatollah as a man with a bushy white beard and easy smile.
It reminds us of the time they described one German leader as a sassy painter.
Sassy!
Too soon?
In other news, during a deposition,
House leaders asked Bill Clinton
why he was photographed in a hot tub
with a bikini-clad woman.
He said it was because there was a line
to get in on the sex swing.
That's like a trampoline in the neighborhood.
You know, one family has it.
As for his wife, during her deposition,
an angry Hillary raised her fist and slammed the table.
The last time Hillary slammed her fist on a table
that hard, Monica ran out from under
You guys. And finally, after he completed his deposition, Bill said the Epstein victims deserved healing. He even offered them a free back rub at Bubba's Magic Fingers massage parlor. He's got a side hustle. All right.
We'll be back with more Godfeld.
This is Ainsley Earhart. Thank you for joining me for the 52 episode podcast series, The Life of Jesus.
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For decades, what did you always hear?
Politico is telling us, we need to stop kicking the can down the road.
And then they kick the can down the road.
Just once I'd like someone to ask, how long is this damn road?
It's the real strategy in D.C. not to solve problems, not to secure success.
No, it's don't embarrass yourself.
Don't ruffle any feathers.
So what's changed?
Trump, the first president in ages to say, I don't care. I don't kick cans. I crush them.
So the Playboy businessman who doesn't have 30 years of so-called Beltway experience and is so naive about how the world works, suddenly he makes things happen.
And it's not complicated. Trump has a track record of being decisive, accountable to results, not ritual, action, not process.
His catchphrase from the apprentice was, you're fired, not let's regroup in Davos and don't forget to
expense the whores.
Look at the border crisis.
He gets into office and the border snapped shut like women's legs when Kilmead wears a tank top.
And Venezuela, that can wasn't just crushed.
It was flattened.
And when it was, 80 million barrels of oil squirted right into America's lap.
Iran was the can-kicking Olympics full of cocktail party diplomacy that involved pallets of cash.
Weakness disguised as patience.
But Trump, he refuses to postpone every tough conversation in order to chase the polls.
Other politicians, they're famous for putting their proverbial finger in the air to see which way the political winds are blowing.
The only time Trump has put his finger in the air was to flip the bird and mouth F you to a heckler.
Real leaders don't say, hold off until Admiral Levine changes his panty hose.
And Trump's decisiveness has freed us from a,
prison of two ideas, the notion that the U.S. must either be entrenched in decade-long wars or not
involved at all. That's like saying you can either watch Jesse Waters' primetime or recorded for
later. Both are stupid ideas. Trump says he's not going to start wars. He's going to end them.
And Iran has been waging war for decades against us and its own people. And yes, Trump promised
no new wars. It's a great line, which he adhered to in his first term. So he gained our trust.
He's not a bomb-dropping fanatic like the other guy.
So when he makes an exception, maybe hear him out,
especially since he's been harping on Iran for decades.
He wants to get rid of the bad guys in what he calls a strike,
surgical, high probability of success, limited exposure, maximum impact,
what Kamala used to call the opposite of everything I represent.
But maybe Trump should try saying, look, I know what I said before,
but you've got to trust me on this, and here's why.
Trump has built a massive bank of trust, so he should use it.
Because when you leave it to the other voices, you get a whiff of WMD.
Fact is, some people voted for no more never-ending wars, and they have a right to be miffed.
But knowing this now, would they really have voted for Kamala instead?
Then there are those who voted for the whole Trump package.
And you roll with his instincts.
The more decisive he is, the better he is.
And to some, this Iran action looks like nation-building.
but for others, the nation's already there.
It was just tied down like Gulliver.
And after 45 years, Trump said, let's cut those ropes.
So how long will this bold move last?
The truth is, nobody knows.
We do know that the old way didn't help anyone
unless he wanted to sell used jeeps in Kabul.
You know, they used to call Trump inexperienced
because experience in D.C. meant great at kicking cans.
Well, he's not kicking cans.
He's kicking ass.
and that's something we haven't seen in ages.
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