Gutfeld! Monologues - Like A Hot Chick At A Star Trek Convention

Episode Date: March 8, 2025

As seen on Gutfeld! CNN was reportedly "shocked" that Americans approved of what DOGE was doing. . .it's safe to say they were the only ones. Greg breaks down why it isn't only DOGE that's so popular among Americans, but everything President Trump is doing. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. It's leftovers where I read the jokes we didn't use this week. And as always, it's my first time reading them. So if they suck, we'll make Joe Mackey clean Bill Clinton's condo on Epstein Island. Has to been touched in years. So this is the weekend we set our clocks forward an hour, huh? Great, just what Fox needs, an older audience. Fair and balanced.

Joy Bayhar says she would never donate a kidney to save the life of a Trump voter. She couldn't anyways, in science, hasn't perfected pig to human kidney transplants. Yeah. You're coming around. Pam Bondi says she received a truckload more of Epstein documents. Unfortunately, this is the woman driving the truck.

The Trump administration put a $1 limit on government credit cards. Now members of Congress have to use cash to pay for electrolysis. A woman who gave up a good job to pursue. pursue her passion for dumpster diving is claiming that she's already saved $50,000, and she's never looked happier. As part of a promotion, a 60-foot-long balloon body double of Kim Kardashian appeared in Times Square. It's made entirely out of rubber and plastic, and so is the balloon. Saw that one coming, huh? Hunter Biden is asking a judge to toss his laptop suit

because he's millions in debt. It's true. Hunter's so broke, he can't even afford to pay himself for sex. Space Six massive starship exploded just 10 minutes after taking off on Thursday night. For the next launch, engineers will try to delay the explosion by urging the starship. to think about baseball.

Strong winds overnight in the tri-state area. It's so windy. Earlier today, I actually saw the statue of Liberty's underwear. And before he left the office, Jesse had to break out his Velcro hairpiece. That was like local news. Scientists in Tanzania found proof

ancient humans made tools from animal bones 1.5 million years ago. Not only did they find proof, they found an eyewitness. So it was reported that a St. Louis man has been convicted twice of having sex with a seat on a commuter train. I know. What a humiliating way for his soul. to find out he was cheating. To think they share an ottoman together. I like that one. It was a good joke.

President Trump reminded his cabinet members that they run their departments, not Elon Musk. He also cautioned to let Musk impregnate them only on your free time. Maxine Waters says Elon Musk may have stolen the 2024 election with his quote, high technology ass, noting that she keeps winning her elections with a low technology wig. A New York City sanitation worker is winning on the beauty pageant circuit. Makes sense. You should see her cans. A flaming hot Cheeto shaped like a Pokemon character sold for almost 90 grand at a an auction. That really burns my butt. Not the price, just those Cheetos. Oh, what a terrible

joke. Stop inserting them. A group of scientists say women who abstain from sex may be putting their health in jeopardy, proving once again that geeks will say anything to get laid. Alec Baldwin at 50 Cent will appear at the reopening of New York City's planet Hollywood. 50 was the only one willing to do it with Alec since he's already been shot nine times. Went while I'm ahead. And finally a Florida man swallowed $769,000 in stolen diamond earrings. That is some expensive shit. Sorry.

They still clapped. I mean, some of you did. All right, to the news. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. Did you know that at Chevron, you can fuel up on unbeatable mileage and savings? With Chevron rewards, you'll get 25 cents off per gallon on your next five visits. All you have to do is download the Chevron app and join to start saving on fuel. Then you can keep fueling up on other things like adventure, memories, vacations, daycations, quality time, and so many other possibilities.

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Itineraries vary by sale date. Ships Registry Bahamas. So a majority of Americans clearly love what Doge is doing. It's no wonder CNN is so shocked. This to me was one of the more shocking figures that I saw. Made me go, wait a minute. Hold on one second. Whoa. Americans on Trump and Joe's efforts, Musk and Doge should influence government spending and operations. Look at this. 54%. The majority say that he and they should. How about a proof of Trump trying to cut staff at government agencies?

Again, you get a majority here. 51%. So, yeah, Elon Musk might not be that popular, but these cuts and the idea of spending cuts, at least within the federal government and cutting at government agencies, that actually has majority support. I was truly surprised by this, Kate, but the numbers are the numbers. That's what I love about CNN. Nothing gets by them. But the question the left should be asking is not why Doge is so popular. It's why everything Trump is doing is so popular. He's like a hot chick at a Star Trek convention. But what Trump says, for some reason, makes more sense now than ever, even in what comes to

rescuing astronauts. We love you, and we're coming up to get you, and you shouldn't have been up there so long. The most incompetent president in our history has allowed that to happen to you, but this president won't let it happen. We're going to get them out. We're coming up to get you. I've authorized Elon. I said, can you get them out?

Because, you know, they've been left up there. I hope they like each other. But maybe they'll love each other. I don't know. I hope they love each other. I'm sure their spouses that they left at home are happy to hear that. That would explain their last transmission. Houston, we have a boner.

Fact is, what Trump wants for the country is also what the country wants for the country. Still, why is it so clear now when it wasn't so clear in 2020? Well, we can't forget perhaps the biggest driver of Trump's mandated victory, the Joe Biden halftime show, i.e. the four-year hell we endured between both Trump halves. True, the Biden White House was a disaster that makes a Hindenburg look like a fender bender, a nonstop descent into a fever swamp of inhuman and inhospitable beliefs. But we have to admit, in retrospect, maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Perhaps the country needed to experience hell in order to understand what the rest of us already knew,

that not only was the Democrat Party a morally and mentally bankrupt mess, but that Trump was the only way to stop their path of destruction. So you're starting to see this idea take hold, that it was a good thing, a monumental lesson even, for America to have this unholy break between Trump won and Trump. too. And now we have a bruised and battered America so disgusted by Biden's scandals that they put more good faith behind Trump than if he had simply been reelected in 2020. Think about it. Do you think Trump in 2020 would have had Elon Musk on his side or RFK Jr. or Tulsi on his team? Nope. For that to happen, you needed to hit rock bottom first. And the quickest way to the bottom

was forcing a Biden upon us. So thank you, media, for rigging the election through censorship, suppression, and hoaxes. And thank you, Democrats, for pushing a profound cover-up of a desiccated leader, while pushing policies so absurd, it may take decades for you to recover, that trans men have more rights than women and girls, that open borders trump the security of a country, that crime is only pursued if it suits Democrats politically. You stole the rope in 2020, and you hung yourself with it. And it was necessary. America saw you finally without a filter. And like Randy Wine Garden, without makeup, it's scared the hell out of us. Even more, the Biden presidency taught the American public that all that irrational

behavior from 2016 to 2020, it wasn't caused by Trump because it got way, way worse after Trump left. As writer Michael Malice states, Trump wasn't the river. He was the dam. And now he's back and we realize how damn necessary he was. And so after Democrats wreck a country, Americans embrace the man who's fixing it. Let's just hope once he does, the voters don't forget what came before him. Or we're going to have to do this all over again. I just hope Barron's old enough to run. Period. Listen ad-free with a Fox News

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