Gutfeld! Monologues - Mar-A-Gaza!

Episode Date: February 6, 2025

As seen on Gutfeld!, Greg monologues on President Trump's controversial plans to potentially have the United States take control of the Gaza Strip.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. I know. I know. It's hard to believe you're in the same room with me. Happy Wednesday, everyone. President Trump has given orders to obliterate Iran. if the regime assassinate him. Big deal. I get obliterated every night, said one woman.

President Trump also suggested taking over Gaza, his first project, opening a gentleman's club called the Gaza Strip. Why not? Democrats have already filed new impeachment articles against Trump over his proposed plan in Gaza. Well, there goes their free lap dances at the Gaza Strip. President Trump's proposed budget bill will feature roughly $1 trillion worth of spending cuts. But this is nice. He's leaving in a few extra bucks to buy some clothes for Kanye's wife.

Please don't. The U.S. Navy has unveiled a photo of a warship firing a high-powered, laser weapon, its first target, removing Rashida Taleb's mustache. In Iran, a naked woman jumped on a police car to protest the country's treatment of women. In a related story, guess who just moved to Iran? Jump on me. Walmart has announced plans to cut. hundreds of jobs. If you do the math, this will be the second time in a year. Jim Acosta is out of

work. Randy Weingarten, the teacher's union boss who makes over 500 grand a year, is worried Trump will cut her salary, forcing her to return to her old line of work. I don't know if that's a real photo. Trump is publicly considering exporting American criminals to foreign jails. It sounds cruel, but it's part of a bigger effort to keep Hillary Clinton from murdering them. And according to a new study, apes may be able to read minds just like humans. Even more impressive, some apes are actually able to host a nightly cable news show. Yeah. All right. Since returning to office. President Trump's been signing executive orders faster than Larry Kudlow, signing boobs at the villages.

Trump is like that U.S. Army slogan from the 80s. We do more before 9 a.m. than you do all day. Only with him, he sets the alarm even earlier. And he set his sights on the Middle East. I wonder, will the U.S. take over the Gaza Strip and do a good job with it, too? the U.S. will take over the Gaza Strip and we will do a job with it too. We'll own it and be responsible for dismantling all of the dangerous unexploded bombs and other weapons on the site, level the site and get rid of the destroyed buildings, do a real job, do something different. And I don't want to be cute. I don't want to be a wise guy, but the Riviera of the Middle East, this could be something that could be so magnificent. Mmm, the Riviera of the Middle East, huh? Ooh. I only hope the Cabana Boys get new pagers. But maybe to Trump, Gaza is a construction project.

And he thought, hey, if I can deal with the mafia in NYC, I can handle Hamas. They both kill people and demand money. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. Mint is still $15 a month for premium wireless. And if you haven't made the Switch yet, here are 15 reasons why you should. One, it's $15 a month. Two, seriously, it's $15 a month. Three, no big contracts.

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New customer offer first three months only. Then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See mintmobile.com. This episode is brought to you by Amazon Prime. From streaming to shopping, Prime helps you get more out of your passions. So whether you're a fan of true crime or prefer a nail-biting novel from time to time, with services like Prime Video, Amazon Music, and fast-free delivery,

Prime makes it easy to get more out of whatever you're into or getting into. Visit Amazon.com slash Prime to learn more. But also during that same press conference on Gaza, he dropped this instant classic. Do you have any plan to change Afghanistan situation? Are you able to recognize Taliban because I'm an Afghan journalist. Afghan suffolk women? Any comment about Afghanistan? What's your future plan for Afghan people, especially Afghan?

I have a little hard time understanding you. Where are you from? Actually, it's a beautiful. voice and a beautiful accent. The only problem is I can't understand the word you're saying. That's why he's the guy. That's not really Trump's fault. Her accent was thicker than AOC's skull.

But if the Gaza plan sounds crazy, that's the point. It's what you call a dad move. You know, you're in a huge fight with your sister over the remote. Dad comes down and takes the remote away. suddenly you and sis have a common enemy, dad, which forces the brats to come up with a creative alternative like sharing the remote. In this case, the brats are Egypt and Jordan.

They're the siblings, and now they're going to have to share the burden or dad's going to make life hell. And if you want hell, listen to what Trump has instructed America to do if Iran took him out. If they did that, they would be obliterated. That would be the end. I've left instructions. if they do it, they get obliterated.

There won't be anything left. Not a bad plan. You know, I also left instructions in case I'm assassinated. That my ashes are to be spread on top of Kill Mead's lunch. Look, the point is Trump doesn't just think outside the box. He leaves the box on the curb for Don Lemon to sleep. in. And because everything follows a simple principle.

America first, no bluffs given. It all makes sense, and there's less wiggle room than Joy Behar Spanx. Compare that to the old administration and activist wish list far removed from Americans' real concerns. Trans issues, sanctuary cities, social justice movements, accidental bowel movements. It all translated to America last. So now Trump's crushing it. On Tuesday, the CIA offered buyouts to its entire workforce,

which he'd just done to millions of federal workers. The upside, their disguised skills will come in handy if you don't want people to know you work for Uber. Trump also signed an executive order defunding the United Nations Relief and Works Agency. Next time they want to house hostages, try Motel 6. Yeah. And he's also withdrawing the U.S. from the U.N. Human Rights Council. Who's on that council? Well, Burundi, China, Somalia, Sudan.

Having those countries on a council on human rights is like having J.B. Pritzker on the board at Weight Watchers. Yeah. Trump also signed another order banning men from women's sports. And some of the trans women athletes, they're not taking the news very well. You, my dad. You must be mad. You're not saying right now. His next executive action might be to get rid of the Department of Education,

shutting down functions that aren't written. explicitly into statutes, meaning if it's not in the law, it's not legal. No wonder the Democrats are panicking like Jerry Nadler just used their only bathroom. Since the Education Department's inception, reading and math scores have been dropping faster than Bill Cosby's dates after their first cocktail. I know, isn't he awful? We all agree, I'm glad. The bottom line, in the old days, our soft.

stately and benign Republicans, they stayed well-behaved as the left ran rampant. Oh, they would have been shocked by just one win, but typically they were always just gracious in defeat. John Boehner would have cried, and Paul Ryan would have gone back to his one-man show about Eddie Munster. But Trump is different. He's not just a Republican president. He's a legend, meaning wherever he goes, the world sits up. Oh, here he comes, they mutter. World leaders scramble for selfies.

Politicians come to kiss his ring. And no wonder, he's a cross between Godzilla and the energizer bunny. And when you're a legend, the story around you does almost all the work for you, especially when the story has a happy ending, as long as you do what Daddy says. Listen, ad free.

with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show ad free on the Amazon music app. Listen to the all-new Brett Bear podcast featuring Common Ground, in-depth talks with lawmakers from opposite sides of the aisle, along with all your Brett Bear favorites, like his All-Star panel and much more. Available now at Fox Newspodcasts.com or wherever you get your podcasts.