Gutfeld! Monologues - No Kings Rally

Episode Date: October 21, 2025

]As seen on Gutfeld! the ‘No Kings’ rally descended this weekend. Listen to Greg's blistering takedown of aging has-beens protesting against a phantom menace. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

At Desjardin, we speak business. We speak equipment modernization. We're fluent in data digitization and expansion into foreign markets. And we can talk all day about streamlining manufacturing processes. Because at Desjardin business, we speak the same language you do. Business. So join the more than 400,000 Canadian entrepreneurs who already count on us. And contact Desjardin today.

We'd love to talk. Business. Yes, yes, yes, thank you. Thank you. Tonight's episode is brought to you by the American Ointment Council. When your butt hurts, put AOC on it. Happy Monday, everyone. So this weekend's no king's rallies were notable for all the elderly people in attendance.

It was the first demonstration ever to be funded by George Sorrel. and visiting angels. Visiting angels. And no, that smell wasn't tear gas. It was asper cream. News media claimed seven million people attended. An estimate they received from

event organizers. Right. That's like believing Jasmine Crockett when she brags that she scored an 800 on her SAT. My guess is it was probably under a million. which still means if all those people joined hands,

they could wrap around J.B. Pritzker. Nah, he's fat. At the rallies, protesters were spotted wearing frog, shark, and dinosaur costumes. The one costume they couldn't pull off, successful employee. Also joining in where celebrities like John Cusack, Kathy Griffin, and Jimmy Kimmel,

otherwise known as three men and a facelift. And while Kamala Harris encouraged people to attend the no-kings rally, her husband Doug encouraged nannies to attend his No Pants Rally. Anyway, former press secretary, Carri Jean-Bierre said watching Joe Biden drop out of the presidential race left her feeling angry and sad. She then wrote down my name after I ordered a Frappuccino. At a recent event, Kamala Harris and Hillary Clinton told a crowd they were 4-0 against Trump in debates, proving once again that women are bad at math.

And finally, Kim Kardashian admitted last week that she doesn't know what a carton of milk costs. She also admitted she doesn't know what a carton of milk is. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. Well, okay, let's start this monologue. When you support Movember, you're not just fundraising. You're showing up for the men you love. Your dad, your brother, your partner, your friends. It isn't just a men's issue.

It's a human one. That's why Movember exists to change the face of men's health. From mental health and suicide prevention to prostate and testicular cancer research and early detection, Movember is tackling the biggest health issues facing men today. Join the movement and donate now at Movember.com. Saturday was no kings day, and it was a raging success, because on Sunday there were no kings. But there were no kings on Saturday either.

So they rallied against something that didn't exist, kind of like France protesting deodorant. Of course, if you were like me, you casually monitored the thing on social media. The only difference being you had clothes on. Now, I saw a few self-righteous lunatics who think monarchy is a bigger threat than muggers. Griffin, Pelosi, Cusack, and others. Of course, the closest they have ever come to being the victims of a crime is paying for their haircuts. Hell, if I wanted to see aging has-beens, I'd do special report.

Love you, Brett. But as most people could see, it was largely white, old, and judging from the haircut. and soft bodies and glasses academic. What was missing? Blacks. Who knows? Maybe they were exhausted for being interviewed by reporters in cities like Chicago and D.C., where they were repeatedly told dismayed journalists that Trump's crime crackdown made their lives better.

Everything is great. There hasn't been any murders in the last for 11 days straight. There hasn't been no carjacking. Citizens walking around happy. I came all the way down Pennsylvania Avenue this morning. so peaceful yeah I don't smell no weed young I don't see no homeless people

it feels different like usually when I walk through it's got this odd darkness and now it feels more light upbeat it definitely feels safe thank you Trump you can now come and check out the monuments

get something to eat and not get robbed carjacked are killed yep it seems it seems blacks hate being shot at almost as much as white liberals hate Trump hats so on one hand you have citizens who want safe streets

and on the other those who want an end to monarchy one problem is real the other imaginary like Jesse's back hair and Jesse's head hair it makes you wonder how easy your life must be that you get to march against something that is quite literally living inside your head. These people are lucky. They don't have serious problems, and they have lots of free time. They don't golf, and their families hate them.

Like this fella, George Conway. Hey, hey, Donald Jay, how many kids did you saw today? Hey, hey, Donald Jay, how many kids did you saw today? Hey, hey, okay, that's like. Pathetic. Did someone call an elephant gynecologist? Because I think we found a huge douche. Thank you.

For all you 10-year-olds out there. Of course, Trump had to respond with a meme of him pooping from above. All together, we don't deserve him. Altogether, we don't deserve him. Now, that pissed off the media who found its absurdity disgusting. But if these people were any more humorless, they'd be Seth Meyer's writing staff. Absurdity was the whole point,

that something as absurd as protesting kings in a country without kings doesn't merit anything more than a meme with poop landing on protesters. The only thing that could have made that meme funnier is if they had Pritzker looking up with his mouth open. You can call it dumb,

but what deserves dumb, an imaginary solution to an imaginary problem, like Sidney Sweeney wanting to get breast implants. I told her no. So why are they pushing this made-up fear of a king, could it be that they believe it? And if so, why? Maybe they're unfamiliar with real solutions. For years, they think having a conversation is a solution for crime or the border. All they do is talk and talk. It's like watching an action movie with your wife. But Dems never

actually do anything. So when Trump comes in and gets stuff done, it comes as a shock. They think it's an autocracy because they aren't used to a president doing the job. You mean you can deport illegals and arrest criminals since when? Of course, they give reasons for the king delusion. Trump's taking away our rights. He's authoritarian. But these are concepts and impossible to score. Is there a statistic on how much authoritarianism we're experiencing? I'm sure CNN is working on that now that the climate stats are toast. But the Dems exist in a fake world of trans bathrooms and sanctuary cities, conceptual fantasies where solutions are terrible concepts too. But as Trump shows, you can actually fix things. And regular Democrats must wonder,

why didn't our leaders think of this? Republicans focus on crime, drugs, immigration, because you can score them. And the only issues you can score are the real ones. If you can't measure it, then it's not real. It's just a concept like children's soccer. If there's no scoring, it's just pointless exercise. Period. Let's welcome tonight's game. Listen ad free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show ad free on the Amazon music app.

It's Will Tain Country. Watch it live at noon eastern Monday through Thursday at Fox News.com or on the Fox News YouTube channel. And don't miss the show. Listen and follow the podcast five days a week at Fox News Podcasts.com or wherever you download your favorite podcasts.