Gutfeld! Monologues - ‘Ozempig’ Mascot, Cute Or Cruel?

Episode Date: April 6, 2024

Greg Says: Bye-bye, DEI! Co-anchor of America’s Newsroom, co-Host of The Five and host of Perino on Politics, Dana Perino, Comedian Jamie Lissow, Host of Tyrus & The Wise Men, Tyrus and FOX News Contributor, Kat Timpf weigh in on whether the new “Ozempig” mascot of the Minnesota St. Paul Saints is fat shaming Ozempic users. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. Thank you. Yes. Happy Thursday, everyone. Oh, Penns. Let's get started. Former President Bill Clinton has a memoir coming out this fall about his life after the White House. Needless to say, it's a pop-up book.

A new report claims that Donald Trump's Spotify playlist includes Suspicious Minds by Elvis, Hello by Lionel Richie, November Rain by Guns and Roses. Meanwhile, President Biden's playlist includes knocking on heaven's door. Bye, Bob Dylan. According to a friend, Tiger Woods is saying no to sex during preparation for the Masters. No word yet if he'll be switching to blue balls.

But not having sex in order to prepare for the Masters. Apparently some people have been preparing for the Masters for eight years. New images at a health care event. revealed visible markings from a C-PAP machine on Biden's face. His staff pointed to this as proof that he's breathing. On Wednesday, Joe Rogan called the View a rabies-infested henhouse. The View responded saying, That's how a hen with rabies would sound.

Thank you. No, it's okay. You don't have to clap. Thank you, Tyrus. A proposed law in California would ban your boss from regularly contacting you after work hours. And at least two people hope this law comes to New York. I just call you to tell you about my nightmares. And movie.

Yes. Rumors about that British actress Elizabeth Hurley once took Prince Harry's virginity. But there's little debate who took Prince Harry's balls. The Biden administration is spending $422,000 to treat diabetes with Native American healing circles. A Native American healing circle? So that's what we're calling blackjack tables? I love that one. And the president of Botswana is threatening Germany over a conservation dispute by sending over 20,000 elephants. The U.S. is showing their support and will even send over five of their own.

All right, let's get started, diversity, equity, and inclusion. Never in the field of human endeavor have so few words done so much harm to so many. It's almost as bad as Brian Kilmeet's here. But DEI has done it again. Now, the Seattle Public School System is phasing out its highly capable cohort schools designed for gifted students

who could skip the lessons designed for other kids their age. You know, nerds. But just when you thought Seattle couldn't get any dumber. It does something literally to do just that. And can you guess why? That's right, because it's racist. You see, those programs have too many students from the bad races. Last year, over 50% of the advanced students were white, 16% Asian, 3.4% black. There just weren't enough black, Latino, indigenous, Alaskan, and Pacific Islander students. So I guess we could say goodbye to the NBA. real soon, right?

What's that? Oh, we don't use that type of insane reasoning when it's sports? What a strange demarcation. People say, don't do that with basketball, but let's do it with less important stuff, you know, like education. So the schools got canceled like it was hosted by Don Lemon. And why? Well, it's not about how smart these kids are. It's not about what's up here.

It's what about what's on here. It's about what these kids look like when they're in a classroom together. It's about embarrassing their teachers and administrators just by being themselves. I don't know, but that sounds pretty racist to me. So now instead of putting the Brainiacs in their own class with their own teacher and curriculum, all those brats are being lumped together and the teachers expected to come up with different lesson plans for different levels. Okay, kids, today's vocabulary word is mediocrity. Does anyone here know what that means?

Mediocrity is what happens when the people who run our country forces all to lower our standards so the elites can pat themselves on the back for their atrocious beliefs. And that's what it's about, the continuing destruction caused by luxury beliefs, which are bad ideas that bestow status on the elites who hold them while inflicting pain on everyone else who must endure them. You see it with climate activism, criminal justice, and now here education. and then Light and Progressive already has their college degrees, their houses, and two electric cars,

so they're immune from their own destruction. But God help your kids. And so in Seattle, the smart kids will be reading the Gutfeld monologues. While in the same classroom, the slow kids will be reading Get It Together by Jesse Waters. The kids who are reading, already reading Shakespeare or stuck in the same room with the kids still eating boogers and paste. In my case, it was both. Glu tastes great, but now I get to eat the whole horse. But today, helping kids of all races advance at their own pace is now considered inequitable. And holding highly intelligent children back is now considered equitable. And yes,

that includes black kids. In fact, those who complained about shutting down these schools included black parents. And guess what the school board VP reportedly told them they were being tokenized by the white parents. She was probably in the slow class, which is once again, it's mind-numbingly racist, but to the elites, it's as if black parents don't have minds of their own, as if they don't have the same hopes and concerns about their children as everybody else to one day be like me, you know, rich enough to own a helicopter that could drop porta-potties into Kilmead's swimming pool. Not only are some of the smartest kids in school being punished for what they look like, but so are the smart kids, these DEI fanatics claim

to be helping. Call me old-fashioned, but the only reason kids should be punished for what they look like is if they're chubby. The smartest kid might be black, but now he has to sit next to the dumbest kid in school who might be white or Asian. Well, probably not Asian. When I was a kid and we had a test coming up, everybody wanted to sit next to the Asian kid.

It's the only reason George Takai had friends. But sadly, like it or not, these kids are learning what modern America is all about. It's not about living up to your potential as an individual, it's about what you look like as part of the herd. You're just part of the group you have no control of, which is why I quit Minuto. And of course, anybody who dares to question this is racist, and that includes black parents who realize their gifted children are being punished, and they're exactly right. Finally,

something every race can agree on, which is why the idiots who make the rules won't let us. Let's welcome tonight's guess. She's on the five, but she's definitely a 10. Co-host of the Five in America's newsroom, Dana Perino. He's frightened by unfamiliar sounds like applause. Actor, writer, and comedian, Jamie Lissau. She's a vibrant vixen with a voice deeper than Nixon. New York Times bestselling author in Fox News,

contributor, too. He's immense, intense, and won't sit on the fence. Get it'll break. New York Times best-selling author and comedian and former NWA world champion Tyrus. Woo! Danny, you know what kills me about this whole thing? They would rather kill the program that admit their policies don't work. And it's weird because just this morning we did a story on America's Newsroom about how Harvard is starting to do.

how Harvard is starting to reject the DEI programs. There's a professor wrote a piece that said, look at the applicants, and the number of applicants from this year. It continues to go down by thousands because people don't want to go there anymore because it's become insane. And corporate America also is starting to walk away from DEI. So it's weird that the elementary schools

and junior highs of Seattle can't figure this out, that it's a terrible thing. And every person has something special that they can do. Yes. And, I mean, I don't know what yours is. Oh, I know. I mean. I did some films on it back in the 80s.

In Germany. Yeah, those were a little bit weird. I'm very flexible, Dana. But when you have some, if a kid isn't in the gifted program and they're upset, which they might not be upset. You know who's upset? The mom. Mm-hmm.

Right? Because her kid didn't get in, so she had to make it bad for everybody. The other thing they don't have in Seattle, which they need, is school choice. Yes. because these parents are trapped in the situations. Yes. Tyrus, I have to go to you next because you have children and they're of various different, you know...

Genetics, yes. Yes. Does this bother you? This must bother you. No, because most of my kids are homeschooled for this reason. But as a former teacher, sometimes it can be a benefit to have a gifted kid sitting with kids that are behind because sometimes they will help them care.

and that happens next to never. What usually happens is you get the gifted kid to sit next to the other kids and he starts emulating their behavior. Right. And then the ones who don't get picked on because if he has the Shakespeare book and I have those scratch and sniff pop-out book, I'm going to go out of my way to tease him to make myself feel better. So everybody who has the regular books are going to go after him.

are going to go after them. And it doesn't stop in the classroom. Now it stays on social media. It's going to follow them out with the recess or whatever, if they even still have recess anymore. The problem is that we just need to call it what it is. Every time you argue with them, as a parent, like, I don't like this, well, it's because you're racist

or you're sexist or whatever. Which means, and that's what they've done all along. They played those cards so long. So we're all saying it in a common sense, and we're all arguing about it, so they can freely be racist out of the way. in the open. It's that polite racism. Hey, black families, you're not good at making decisions, so we're going to make it for you because, well, you're black. So don't

worry about reading and writing. We'll get you through. And here's the deal. Guess what? Now when you go work at the fast food joint, we'll give you $20 an hour. So they're just laying up and it's just a layup. So it's racism is broad daylight, but the difference is we're so busy arguing over every time I disagree with Jamie. And if he's losing the argument, he'll say you're a white supremacist, Tyrus. And I'll be like, well, argument over. Meanwhile, the real ones are acting in broad daylight. Yeah, you know, Jamie, your children are gifted in that you're finally out of their lives. They applauded that.

And the crowd was wild. The crowd liked that. You just clapped in being... Disgusting insult that I just directed at you. Fatherless children's funny. Yes. If that's the biggest response I get all night, I'm going to be upset. I have three children. This hits home.

This hits home. Yes. One of my teacher said to me the other day was at some sort of event. She goes, do you have a favorite kid, which I thought was like such a bizarre question, which as parents, you know, Tyrus will tell you, you have a favorite. And I'll just tell you who, it's my neighbor's kid. Ah. I am one of these, though.

I'm on the low-end kid. Like I really was in school. I had trouble in school, and I don't think it's good to try to keep everyone together. I was more of like, instead of like, no child left behind, I was like, don't. I was like, don't wait up. Like, it's frustrating. For real, it was like, go ahead. Like, they would take us to another place

and we learned to use, like, tool. Honestly, like, we would do different stuff. I did better in college. I think I approached things smarter in college. I would schedule all my classes really early in the morning. And this way, when I woke up at noon, I was done for the day.

I bet you still have... I bet you still have nightmares over college, don't you? Missing classes. I do. I do have nightmares. I was not good. But there are people, we need people that, like, deliver pizzas. Everyone has their role.

Deliver pizzas, clean pools. By the way, I'm not throwing shade. These are jobs that I have had. Like, I'm not saying, like, that's a menial job. I do find, you'll notice it is no coincidence that I did choose jobs that were the guy that gets laid in porno jobs. Kat, let me, I would guess that you were probably in some gifted classes, correct? Yeah.

I was always really good at school. Yeah, I bet you were. You were precocious. Yeah, I was also in trouble a lot, though, too. But this thing blows my mind, especially. I don't know about it especially, but definitely, what the school is saying they're going to do instead. They're assuring parents in saying they're going to have

an individual lesson plan for each individual student, which sounds awesome. That would be way better. But it also says there won't necessarily be any more teachers in the class. Yeah, exactly. There will be a curriculum about how to go about this.

Instructions about, unless that curriculum is like how to clone yourself 32 times. I don't understand how they can get away with saying that and people actually, I mean, like, I know we did like Dolly the Sheep or whatever, but this seems a lot more advanced.

And I don't know how that wasn't pushed more. Like, okay, what are you really going to do? Because based on how time works, you're not going to do that. So there are going to be kids. who are not going to be challenged and other kids aren't getting the attention that they need. It's almost as if they belong in separate classes. It's crazy.

And, of course, it was an awful white lady behind this, a fluent white liberal. Walking in broad daylight. Exactly. And just so smart. Before we go, quick reminder, my favorite kind, you can come see me on tour this summer. I'll be in Red Bank, New Jersey, Fort Lauderdale, Durham, North Carolina, and Tom Slew is going to be there too. Go to G gutfeld.com for ticket. Right. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back.

The best coast just got better. Introducing Quantum of the Seas sailing from L.A. this fall. Conquer next level thrills on the boldest ship in the west, like flowrider surf sessions, bumper cars, and soaring 300 feet above sea level on the North Star. Plus more than 15 dining options on board. All between discoveries in Ensenada and even overnights in Cabo. You've never done Mexico like this. Book your Boulder Baja adventure from Los Angeles today. Come seek the Royal Caribbean. Itineraries vary by sale date. Ships Registry Bahamas. Did you know that at Chevron,

you can fuel up on unbeatable mileage and savings? With Chevron rewards, you'll get 25 cents off per gallon on your next five visits. All you have to do is download the Chevron app and join to start saving on fuel. Then you can keep fueling up on other things, like adventure, memories, vacations,

daycations, quality time, and so many other possibilities. Head to your nearest Chevron station to fuel up and get rewarded today. Terms apply. See Chevron-Texicorewards.com for more details. A story in five words. O-Zempig mascot, cute or cruel.

Tyrus, a minor league baseball team called the St. Paul Saints sifted through 2,000 fans submitted names and for their pig mascot settled on O-Zemp-Pig. Some people found it mean-spirited and gross, what say you? You, it's funny. It is funny.

It's very funny. Yes. And also, okay, like, worth noting here, this pig isn't, look, he's not even fat. Like, his waist is, like, low-key kind of snatched, actually. He's not just a representative. He's a member. Being compared to that pig is not really an insult.

He's adorable, by the way. Pigs are so cute. And I love baby. And I feel bad when I eat bacon for a little bit. Just a little bit, I feel bad. Dana, let's talk about the fact that everybody we know in media is on OZEPIC, like us. I know. I know.

That was one thing I was thinking about with this. It's perfect for the minor league, right? Because in the major leagues, everyone else like us, we're just still trying to starve ourselves and become, you know, exercise addicts. Yeah. And they needed some sort of, like, humor to get them to go to those. humor to get them to go to the minor league game. I do feel like there is a weird thing when you look.

I also heard that all these members of Congress are on it. Oh, yeah. That explains it. It being, I don't know. But it explains it. You ever notice that? People never tell you what it is. Jamie, OZEPIC is a wonder drug, but I feel like it's being used on the wrong people. We should be using it on high school kids. Oh.

Put them in there. put it in their lunch food. They all look like the size of sumo wrestlers. Have you seen kids lately these days on buses? They're massive. Why are you on buses full of kids? He's in that watchtower again. I'm doing research for those Dutch scientists.

I'm tracking hundreds and hundreds of overweight children. He's a saint, he is. I am a saint. Turns out they're fat because they're confused. Got it. To answer your question, no, I have not seen a lot of kids lately. We have different hobbies. Kat's right, this pig looks like he's training

for the New York City Marathon. He's very lean. Doesn't he make you not want to eat him? Like, I feel like that's a good way to go as a pig. You look lean, and then people go, oh, he's cute. I'm not hungry, right? I feel like that's pretty good.

I don't know why we're attacking a Zen Pig. There's been so many more. Do you remember that there's been more offensive, fat, shaming? Remember when Minnesota? Remember when they were the Minnesota? At first, I thought you were twins? And, um, remember the Chicago Bayhars? I was so excited.

I was so excited about that one. But I looked it up. Are there fat saints? I want to know because it's the St. Paul Saints, which is very lazy, by the way. That's only second lazy to the St. Paul's. There are, there were fat saints. St. Thomas Aquinas was a lard ass by all accounts. And, uh, there was, it was, it was.

St. Olaf the fat was an actual guy. Do you know how little confidence your friends having you that you're going to lose weight, that they add the fat to the whole name? It's part of your name. St. Paul Saints is very funny. I'm still thinking about that. St. Paul Saints.

Yeah, and it's true. Didn't even have to be a joke, Jamie. Just made me laugh. A lot of time I do truths. Truths. Thanks to Dana Burrito. Jamie Lizzo. Thank you all. It's Fox News and out of free to say, I'm Jack.

I felt that I love you, America. into the latest political headlines and chat with remarkable guests listen and follow now at foxnewspodcast.com or wherever you download podcasts