Gutfeld! Monologues - President Biden's Early Christmas Present To Hunter

Episode Date: December 7, 2024

As seen on Gutfeld! Host of the Tyrus & The Wise Men podcast, Tyrus guest hosts and delivers a monologue joking that President Biden might be the first parent to gift their son a pardon for Christmas. Plus, Tyrus shares his gripes over how we have too many different spin offs of Black Friday and Cyber Monday. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. All right, enough of this nonsense to the monologue, we can focus on Christmas, we can focus on Christmas. Some people got their gifts early, like a pardon from their dad. And certainly, there is a lot to be thankful for this year. And with America demanding a return to normal. After four years of the Biden-Harris debacle, we're all thinking about the perfect gifts. You know, a paycheck that covers your bills, gas under three bucks, and a TV remote that has auto-mute if you put on MSNBC.

Cyber Monday. and Black Friday are also behind us, and chances are you or someone you know took advantage of the huge sales. Even Cat broke a few doors down. The baby weight has given her incredible strength. In fact, here's her crushing an apple. Well done.

My ad's gotten huge. That's probably because consumer confidence is off the charts. Hell, Joe Mackey's even asking out strippers now. Apparently Americans are so happy with the outcome of the election, consumer confidence is at a 16-month high. And why? Quote, amid optimism over the labor market, expectations for lower inflation,

and higher stock prices over the next year. But even so, we can't become too complacent. Now, hear me out. I think we need fewer Black Fridays and Cyber Mondays and more Red Light Wednesdays. Not the red light you're thinking. When we just need to take a pause and think about the things we truly need

because we don't need all this stuff. Things like friends and family spending quality time with them, experiences over material possessions. Sorry, Home Shopping Network, but nobody needs every color of that blouse. We don't need one-click shopping, Amazon. We buy too much stuff, and it turns into garbage. We need to learn from these last four years. You don't need a new iPhone every year.

We're contributing to hazardous waste, not to mention we're lining China's pockets. But hey, I'm not saying we shouldn't stimulate the economy and buy some shit. Instead of buying tons of presents, maybe opt for one nice thoughtful gift. like a concert, a camping trip, a stand-up comedy show, maybe a book or two to learn from. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. Prime delivery is fast. How fast are we talking?

We're talking puzzle toys and lookpad delivered so fast you can get this puppy under control. Fast. We're talking chew toys at your door without really waiting. Fast. P-pads, cooling mat and peg-kimer, fast and there's training T-R-E-A-T-S faster than you can sit-fast. And now we can all relax and order these matching hoodies to get cozy and cute. Fast. Fast free delivery. It's on Prime. The Conjuring Last Rites

on September 5th. I come down here with you. Array! Array! Array! Array! Array! The Conjuring!

Last Rites. Only in theater, September 5th, where it are. Because here's the truth. We don't need 60% of the crap we have. How many sweaters with a picture of a dog does Greg really need? Shout out to Chinnow.

I think the average person does need more than five or seven shirts and pants. If you have piles of clothes big enough for me to hide in, then you use more soap and more electricity. But some of you are saying, Tyrus, the new administration is going to get prices down. But even the best work, the fastest work the Trump and his new administration will do will take months to years for us to see. So in the meantime, men, remember, you don't have. have to buy everything your family asks for to feel like a provider. If you spend just a little less this year, you can build up your savings, and you'll be able to provide for them in the event another friggin Democrat gets in the White House. Besides, it helps. It saves the environment

too, because at some point, all those gifts and Neville end up becoming big piles of garbage. All those DVDs everyone bought 15 years ago is floating in the ocean as sex dolls for jellyfish. Nobody wants to see that But hey I'm not being the Grinch And I don't want to ruin your Christmas Like this lady once tried to do When we all sing

Happy Tunes and sing Merry Christmas And wish each other Merry Christmas How dare we speak Merry Christmas How dare we See that's the reason why that lady lost And isn't that the greatest gift of all Hashtag NuffSand! It's the Will Kane Show.

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