Gutfeld! Monologues - President Trump Comes Out Swinging

Episode Date: January 22, 2025

As seen on Gutfeld!, Greg delivers a monologue live from the nation's capital recapping a memorable Inauguration Day, as well as a flurry of moves by the President in the first hours of his second term.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Good evening from Washington, everyone. All right. Settle down, kids. Weather in D.C. has been crazy, snow, sleet, and 100% chance of liberal tears. It was so cold outside at the inauguration, the Washington monument shrank to 100 feet. But what an event, huh? The left are losing their minds. Rashida Talib was so upset, she shaved her mustache.

Liz Cheney was so desponded. She begged her dad to shoot her in the face. He's had practice. And after the swearing in, Trump attended a capital luncheon that included a seafood dish and meat, entree, and dessert. And then in an odd twist, Jerry Nadler jumped in. into the cake. But on his first day,

Trump was already cracking down on the border. Reinstating, yeah? Okay. Bite into my time. Reinstating remain in Mexico, but he's also reinstating remain in Canada. But that's just for Alanis Morissette. On Saturday, there was a repeat of

the women's march, but it was rebranded as the people's march to include all genders. Now there are more balls in the march than there are after the inauguration. New York Times reports that Joe Biden used teleprompters even when visiting donors in private homes. Fun. Well, I hope they were still able to give them a kidney. former Fox News hosts, commentators, and contributors are poised to occupy roles in the second administration. Yeah, I know. Which means cabinet meetings will regularly break for a word from balance of nature.

That's pretty good. House Speaker Mike Johnson said his first meeting with President Biden was scary. When Johnson questioned Joe about natural gas, Joe asked him to pull his finger. And it came off. And finally, a bioscience startup is getting closer to bringing the woolly mammoth back to life. I thought they did that years ago. All right.

So it's amazing. watching Trump already go to work. He's charging out of the gate like Hunter Biden fleeing a child support hearing. 200 orders in one day. That's more work than we got out of Biden in four years. And unlike Biden, he didn't sign them using crayons. Now, no matter who you voted for, what's becoming clear now is not that we have a new president. It's that we have a president.

and not a potted plant wallowing in his own fertilizer. See, it wasn't all exaggeration. You weren't paranoid. Joe Biden has not been running the country. Someone else has. Joe was just a figurehead with as much control over the government as he did his own bowels. With similar results, it stunk worse every day.

So you have to congratulate yourselves. You did this, ridding the country of a faceless cabal of lying thieves. Because if Joe wasn't running things, did you actually think squirty McCackleface was gonna? So you've heard from House Speaker Mike Johnson about how the president had no idea what he was actually signing. Real quickly, Mr. President, can I ask you a question? Sir, why did you pause LNG exports to Europe. Like, I don't understand, you know, liquefied natural gas is in great demand by our allies.

Why would you do that? He looks at me, stunned with this, and he said, I didn't do that. And I said, Mr. President, yes, you did. It was an executive order, like, you know, three weeks ago. And he goes, no, I didn't do that. He was not lying to me.

He genuinely did not know what he had signed. And I walked out of that meeting with fear and loathing because I thought, we're in serious trouble. Who is running the country? Yeah. Holy s**. Perhaps the most powerful office in human history, and the guy didn't know what he signed two weeks ago, which begs the question, what else did he sign? Pardons, commutations. Did he sell Alaska back to Russia?

Did he put Hunter Biden in charge of the Treasury so he'd never run out of dollar bills at strip clubs? This was our president with his gnarled finger near the nuclear button like it was the remote control for his craftmatic adjustable. bed. And notice the posse around Joe. How many times did they tuck him in at 4 p.m. and think, hmm, maybe we should put that my pillow over his face. They were all in on it. His staff, family, the Democrats, their media lackeys. But they conspired against more than Trump. They conspired against all of you. Trump was right. They weren't after him. It was us. He was just in the way. And now the airwaves are filled with tearful lesbians like Rachel Maddow and Jimmy Kimmel. But Trump voters kept the conspiracy cover up from taking completely over.

The election killed a coup. And that needs to be told it's the biggest story. ever. And the people did it because the media didn't and wouldn't. And now they cover their own asses over the biggest presidential scandal in American history, making November 5th the most important political win in our lifetimes. Did you ever imagine a win this big? Did you imagine something this historic? That Trump would have to dodge literal bullets. That Joe would be this much out of it. That Kamala would be this brain dead. That lady's night would look like this. So now that this is becoming clear,

you can already feel the country's mood changing. It's in the air, and it feels roughly like this. Come on, everybody. It's fun to stay at the... I can see it. It's fun to stay at no, I can see it. You know, That's definitely not gay.

If Pete Higgseth goes missing, I guess we'll know who snatched him. So now what? Well, first let's acknowledge that not everyone is dancing in the streets. According to Time Magazine, the losers are spiraling. And Time Solution, do some forest bathing. Yeah, go into the forest and bathing. I mean, that.

Why not just start with regular bathing first? The B.O. Of your average leftist makes the crust in Biden's underpants smell like fresh apple pie. So now the truth starts to come out. Even the New York Times just published a piece entitled, How Biden's Inner Circle

Protected a Fultering President. No, it wasn't just an inner circle. It was you, New York Times. For four years, you lied to us and thought you'd get away with it. But now, now there's shocks that we figured them out. We broke the story years ago, and now the Times pretends it's leading the parade of revelations when they were the ones hiding them. And so the resurgence of Trump from the political ashes is different

because everyone involved has a personal journey that parallels Trump's. We took heat and we shared the risk so he would win. That's why we all feel it. You feel it? I feel it because it's what we went through in our own lives. So to the mainstream media, to Joe's enablers and co-conspirators, all I can say is the American people have one thing to say to you. You're fired.

Now, where have we all heard that before? Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show ad-free on the Amazon music app. It's the Will Kane Show. Watch it live at noon-eastern, Monday through Thursday on Fox News.com or on the Fox News YouTube channel. And don't miss a show. Get the podcast five days a week at Fox News Podcasts.com or wherever you download your favorite podcasts. Thank you.