Gutfeld! Monologues - President Trump Schools President Zelenskyy

Episode Date: March 4, 2025

As seen on Gutfeld!, Greg comments on the fierce showdown between President Trump, Vice President Vance, and President Zelenskyy in the Oval Office last Friday.  Learn more about your ad choices. Vis...it podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. And what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,
Starting point is 00:00:24 or read a five-minute summary of the book at Economic Principles.org. Smile on your face. Have a great night. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. You can stay. Close your robes over there. Good evening, everyone. Happy Monday. aired last night. Kamala Harris was expected to attend, but she canceled that the last minute when she heard her husband, Doug, had already booked a nanny.
Starting point is 00:01:13 In her acceptance speech for winning best actress and Nora star Mikey Madison thanked the sex worker community. Who does she think she is? Hunter Biden. Shortly after the Oscars, a 3.9 magnitude. Earthquake rocked L.A., the tremors were so powerful, Oprah's ass is still moving. Why would you laugh at that? That's fat shamers. President Trump just signed an executive order making English the official language of the United States. Who needs a punchline, huh? He then signed another executive order making Pig Latin the official language of the view.
Starting point is 00:02:00 I knew that was coming. According to the Hill, President Trump wants to add a ballroom to the White House. Hmm. Makes sense. The guy before him didn't need room for balls. A pair of JFK's underwear sold at an auction for $9,000. Beating the previous record of $4,500 for Barack Obama's underwear. They're dainty.
Starting point is 00:02:38 They are dainty. And they ride up, trust me. Ukrainian president of Lazilinsky was criticized for what he wore to the White House meeting on Friday. But in his defense, most suits, his size, come with a sailor hat and a giant lollipop. Tokyo researchers. I've made a robot hand that combines lab-grown muscle with mechanical parts, so it feels like a real hand.
Starting point is 00:03:09 That's great news. Now I don't have to sit on my hand until it's numb, said one man. Wow. You know, I didn't learn about that trick until I was in my 40s. A group of sociologists have found that married men are finally doing more. housework. See, there is a benefit to gay marriage. You don't deserve that joke. No, they don't. You don't. That was a good joke. And last week, Joy Behar accused Elon Musk of being pro-apartheid, but then begged him afterwards not to sue.
Starting point is 00:03:50 Musk lawyers have yet to comment because they're still checking to see if it's legal to sue a cow. Shots fired. Just a legal question. I don't know why it's so upsetting. I don't make the rules in this country. All right. So Friday, Zelensky entered the White House
Starting point is 00:04:12 and his military fatigues and left with a boot up his ass. If we would have insulted America any worse, Jane Fonda would have banged him. Talk about... Thank you. You never know what works. But talk about a disaster.
Starting point is 00:04:35 That may have been the messiest scene in the Oval Office since Bill Clinton used a blue dress for target practice. So in the interest of world peace, let's address Zelensky directly. Dude, you've got to drop the Napoleon complex. As a short guy, I'm an expert. I know what it's like to have a parade described to me by a tall 12-year-old. But you got to accept that you need us far more than we need you. It's the same thing I told my foster kids.
Starting point is 00:05:10 And however righteous your cause is, America voted for a guy who doesn't want to embroil this country in another war where we empty the treasury into an endless graveyard. This isn't 2022, and you're not dealing with an old man who couldn't tell Europe from Gilligan's Island. A lot's changed. First of all, for all the talk of Trump being a fast, fascist? Right now, it's Trump and his crew who are the only ones talking peace.
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Starting point is 00:06:52 See mintmobile.com. But Vlad needs to understand what is actually meant by a deal. It means you're not going to get everything you want. You're going to have to bend a little, a lot, actually. Because as Trump said, you don't have the cards to play no matter what your Democrat buddies are telling you. You're at the kids' table, and you're still not the tallest one there. See, Vlad got tricked by the people who can't save him,
Starting point is 00:07:16 i.e. the Dems he campaigned with last year and met prior to meeting Trump last Friday. Today, they're about as influential as Dylan Mulvaney at a men's retreat. And while it's good, and while it's good to see Europe has your back, Vlad, you're asking them to kick Russians out of Ukraine when they can't even kick Hamas out of London. The Dems used Vlad to provoke a fight with Trump so they could poke the bear. That is Trump. In a way, they're like your loudmouthed friend who starts a fight in a bar and then tells you,
Starting point is 00:07:53 go ahead, I'll hold your coat. Zelensky got played. He got snotty with the one group of people in this planet in a position who could save his ass. I mean, imagine being the guy who was about to go to the electric chair, but then you get a call from the governor and you end up telling him that his wife is fat. That's Vlad.
Starting point is 00:08:15 And the people who wrote your script for you, America's hapless Dems, have been wrong on every issue. All those dopes who say what Trump and Vance did was awful were the same people who said Biden was sane. Meaning if Adam Kinsinger, Jen Sacky, Morning Joe, and CNN think Friday was the worst, then you know it was the best. Even more, not knowing where half the money we sent to Ukraine is, not a good look, especially when we have a few budget problems of our own.
Starting point is 00:08:44 Steve Laude, you're no longer dealing with an old fart who was last seen getting his casket tailored. Got a new president, and he won't get talked down to by a man. who's five-foot-three and dressed like a cat burglar. So, President Z, you're stuck where so many Trump antagonists are these days in opposition to common sense. This is not America's war. I know that's confusing because most of our wars aren't.
Starting point is 00:09:15 But America voted for the guy who says he'll end this one, and not that cackling hyena who couldn't find Ukraine on a map of Ukraine. Thank you. Thank you. Trump sees an endless war for what it is, a mountain of dead. I want one thing to happen. I want all of those young people to stop being killed. They're being killed by the thousands every single week.
Starting point is 00:09:45 Last week, 2,700 were killed. 2,700 young, in this case, just about all young boys, from Ukraine and from Russia and that's not young people from the United States but it's on a human basis I want to see it stop
Starting point is 00:10:05 the money is one thing but the death and they're losing thousands of soldiers a week now you can't get more sensible than that which is why all the Dems can do right now is question Trump's methods oh he's such a bully
Starting point is 00:10:21 he's so mean it's the same thing said about Doge, the border, men and women's bathrooms, and about everything that requires the sense and brains of an adult. But look, Vlad, we could help pull those minerals out of the ground, partner with solid American businesses so that Putin wouldn't dare try it again. After all, Putin never attacked Ukraine with Trump in office. So, buddy, it's time you recognized who your friends really are. It ain't the Dems whispering sweet nothings into your ear.
Starting point is 00:10:47 It's a guy who dressed you down in front of the world. So put on your big boy pants, even if it means shopping at Baby Gap. Let's welcome Listen ad-free With a Fox News podcast Plus subscription on Apple Podcasts And Amazon Prime members Can listen to this show
Starting point is 00:11:05 Ad-Free on the Amazon music app This is Jimmy Phala Inviting you to join me for Fox Across America Where we'll discuss every single one of the Democrats' dumb ideas Just kidding, it's only a three-hour show Listen live at noon Eastern Or get the podcast at Fox Across America.com
Starting point is 00:11:23 Thank you.

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