Gutfeld! Monologues - ‘Project Hail Mary’

Episode Date: April 14, 2026

As seen on Gutfeld!, CNN issues an apology for mistakenly reporting Michael J. Fox’s death.  Meanwhile, 'Project Hail Mary' movie comes out on top at the box office, and Greg offers an analysis you won’t want to miss! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

These make a wish kids. Good evening, everyone. So, oh, wow, that's nice. So CNN is apologizing for making everyone think that Michael J. Fox had died. But they've yet to apologize for spending four years making everyone think this man was alive. Yeah, count it. Hunter Biden has challenged Donald Trump's sons to a cage fight. And to show he's serious, he's already failed his drug test.

90-year-old golf legend Gary Player was called sexist for referring to a reporter as a good-looking chick. But all was forgiven moments later when Tiger Woods ran him over. Yeah. New York State posted a picture of a repaired pothole with the caption, It's Hole Filling Season. But I thought every season is whole-filling season, said one man. Count it. Yes. They write themselves.

A new report shows millions of gallons of radioactive water was released into the Hudson River that flows to New York City. In a related story, Jerry Nadler flushed his toilet. Governor Ron DeSantis has urged Florida lawmakers to ban marriage between relatives. Oh, thank God I live in Minnesota, said one woman. All right. A Canadian politician expressed concern about injustices against an oppressed group known as MMIWG2SLGGQQIA Plus, which we've shortened to FU.

A public school in Nashville is allowing Muslim students to actually leave class to pray in a space reserved especially for them. No word yet whether teachers having sex with students must face Mecca. Oh, I hope I don't get killed for that. Researchers report that men are worse at finding deals than women when shopping. But the women's savings are canceled out by the damage they do to their cars in the parking lot. At a zoo in Ohio, a second rare white rhino was born this year. they know it's white because it paid its taxes.

The quadruple amputee accused in a fatal shooting was seen in a video doing a headstand against the wall, snorting cocaine, and firing a semi-automatic rifle. When asked why he did it, he said, because I can't play tennis. It's true. I know. According to new data, America's teen birth rate fell to a record low last year, and nobody's more relieved than me and my girlfriend.

A New York pet company is willing to pay up to $1,000 an hour for someone willing to sniff dog breath. The title is Joy Behar's assistant. I'm wearing you down. Detroit is offering up to $15,000 for people to move there, which will more than cover funeral costs. Starting to December, eligible men aged 18 to 25 will automatically be registered for the draft. As for women aged 18 to 25, they should come over later. Fox and Friends will be giving away an RV to one lucky viewer for America's 250th birthday. This will also mark the first time a Fox and Friends viewer will be called Lucky.

An upstate New York woman is gaining viral fame by show. showing off her one-eyed beaver. And get this, she also has a pet. Two women in Mexico were filmed fighting over a coffin after reportedly learning that they both dated the deceased man. Well, that reminds me, my estate better make sure that the Jonas brothers are banned for my funeral. They can't sue me.

And finally, there's a new trend of people trying to get rid of their hemorrhoids by putting sugar on them. It sounds disgusting. but not to men who have a sweet tooth. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. So a movie called Project Hail Mary came out last month, and unlike all the other crap coming out of Hollywood, it's managed to make money,

something like $500 million. That's more than they spend in a year on frozen feeding mice at the view. The guy who wrote it is named Andy Weir, and it's a big budget adventure, full special effects, and it's led by an A-list star. If you haven't seen it yet, here's a clip. Now you understand why audiences are loving it. Anyway, one of the reasons the movie's

already grossed nearly a half a billion worldwide is because it doesn't shove politics down your throat. In fact, it avoids politics like Larry Cudlow avoids pillow talk. In a recent interview, we're explained why he always does this. If you're faithful to the source material and you don't insult the intelligence of your audience and give them something really interesting to grapple with, And, you know, dare I say, don't try and shove like crappy identity politics into it. You end up with a damn good movie at the end of it. The people just want to watch. Yeah.

Well, I never, I think we're, you and me are kind of on the same wavelength there when it comes to fiction. I never put any politics or messaging in any of my stories at all. There's no, you know, there's no deeper meaning. There isn't even any symbolism. My book, even non-political, there's just no symbolism at all. My books are always just purely to entertain. Imagine that. A writer who wants to entertain,

which in Hollywood is as rare as an actress who hasn't banged Steve Bouchemmy. Lady killer. But he's on to something, and he's showing why his less successful competition lose more money than a tanning salon in the Sahara. When audiences see politics worm its way into a work of fiction, then we think the whole thing is tainted. It's like when someone puts truffle oil on fries. Suddenly, each fry reminds me of that dirty sock stuffed in my mouth when I woke up in the trunk of Trace Gallagher's car. It's because when we identify a bias, suddenly we can't trust the story that it came in.

It's like when a coworker brings in homemade brownies, but you can't get it out of your head. head that months ago you saw her pick a giant bugger out of her nose. You can't lose the connection between the snot and the snack she's made. By the way, thank you for the brownies, Emily. I do not do that. I made my week. But that's what politics does to fiction. Once it's there, it's everywhere.

And it makes you wonder what kind of viewer actually wants people's political biases in the stuff they watch. My guess, that person doesn't exist. No one reads Lord of the Rings hoping the Hobbit's hairy feet was a lesbian reference. Which means the politics is there to please liberal critics

and Hollywood gatekeepers, a price of doing business among a swarm of arrogant virtue signalers. And audiences can feel it. They know something's off. And that's why weird stuff works. He's not trying to win an argument. He's trying to tell an entertaining story.

What a concept. And it's when Hollywood should adopt since their industry is dying like a boner when this shows up. I know. So give the Culture Wars a rest for 90 minutes. Once you jam politics into fiction, you turn the story into another delivery system for lectures. It's like if James Bond suddenly came out as trans.

Or Darth Vader said, Luke, I'm your mother now. Fact is, we don't need a gay version of Star Trek anymore than we need a straight version of CNN. Listen ad free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show, ad free on the Amazon Music app.