Gutfeld! Monologues - Putting Things into Perspective

Episode Date: September 9, 2026

As seen on Gutfeld!, Hunter Biden announced the launch of his own crypto token.  Meanwhile, Greg does what the media often overlooks—puts things into perspective. You won’t want to miss what he has to say! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Guess I have to do a show. Good evening, everyone. So Hunter Biden announced that he's launching his own crypto token, and it's called laptop. And like Hunter, it comes preloaded with viruses. Mayor Mom Dhani plans to actually attend the September 11th ceremonies, marking the 25th anniversary of the terrorist attacks. But this is nice. 19 of his family members are also flying in. Now you support him?

An American Airlines passenger was duct taped after hurling racist and homophobic slurs during a mid-air meltdown. And for anyone wondering, I did make my connection. An amateur gardener has grown a half-ton pumpkin that's still growing 40 pounds a day. And get this, it just became the newest cast member of a popular daytime show. After decades of no activity, the giant. Geyser in Yellowstone Park just erupted 200 feet tall for over an hour, tying the record previously set by me when I found my father's playboy. President Trump is considering renaming the Strait of Hormuz after himself.

And where it is, he's also renaming the Indian Ocean, the Bay of Tech Support. Last week, a man stole a Papp's Blue Ribbon truck carrying 40,000 pounds of beer. police are deeply concerned that such a vast amount of beer could make this woman attractive. Terrible. And you applaud. A new toy maker has introduced a character that has a face that looks like a human butt. It's already being sued for trademark infringement by Taylor Swift. Tony, I don't even get that.

And finally, BJ's Wholesale Club, Review. the store's initials come from the name of the founder's daughter, Beverly Jean. They had to disclose this information after a man repeatedly showed up to the stores in his underwear with a boner. All right. Monologue. All right. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. So you ever get a big, fat zit on your neck and you can't stop touching it?

I have one right now, and it's driving me nuts. If it gets any bigger, we'll be Siamese twins. I keep rubbing it hoping a genie will come out. And yet I still have it, a big swollen zit, now covered in TV makeup. Which brings me to this broad. I know, I know. This is supposed to be a fun show filled with thousands of jokes about overweight livestock. But still, I wonder, how can I make you feel better about all the crap that you see online?

Like those TikToks are women siding with Clancy. It's sick that there's so many psychos out there. And not the good kind of psycho, you know, who's awesome in the sack and takes a back to your Fierro when you dump her. Very specific. So I figured, why not do what the media doesn't? Put it in perspective. Are there really enough nutbags to cause you to worry? It's the same thing I ask myself about trans, the DSA, and people who buy Kill Me's books.

So, of the 70 million people in the U.S. on TikTok, there's over 100. 164,000 videos tagged as supportive to Clancy, some getting millions of views, which helps her GoFundMe page with donors in the tens of thousands. Don't bother counting the rally attendees because they're in the low hundreds. Joe Mackey has slept with three times that many. So even if you generously assume 20,000 women posted, donated, or showed support, that is 0.01% of the adult U.S. women population, a tiny, motivated mob that looks huge because attention is never distributed evenly. Most of the women that do show up don't have jobs, boyfriends, and luckily kids. Which brings me back to my zit.

A tiny fraction of my skin surface, yet it's all anyone seems to see in photos. That is when they're not staring into these bedroom eyes or fixated on this marble jaw line. but a dime-sized pimple, a third of an inch across, which is still only about 0.014% of my entire skin, almost identical to the percentage of women who supported Lindsay. My point, the Zit doesn't represent me any more than a nut represents all women. We just engage with it because it's gross and it demands attention. Platforms and news both select for the side show freak,

Not for the typical mom who isn't even on TikTok because she has better things to do like sending nudes to late night talk show hosts. So one video with 3 million views is not 3 million supporters. It's one creep plus an algorithm plus people who watch out of curiosity. The amount of weirdos nationwide is 20,000

still smaller than a mid-sized concert and still nowhere close to Joe Mackey's number of conquests. Still it can fill up. a courthouse, sidewalk, or trend a hashtag, but that isn't real life. It's insanity driven by weirdos who dominate a discourse that 100 million people never enter, like PBS. Still, what's the threshold? When does a Zit turn malignant? Well, if the small number of nuts happen to be nurses, teachers, therapists, people with their fingers all over your kids' minds, among other things, you know, we saw that in COVID. After Trump got shot, after Kirk got murdered, people saying awful

things while standing in front of a blackboard that says be kind. So while it's true, 20,000 weirdos online is nothing. A few fifth grade teachers is an issue, especially when toxic blue hair dye has soaked into their brains. Then it becomes a beat for journalists. Jargon is used to mask reality. It starts seeing merch. T-shirts that say free Luigi or free Lindsay or the equally disgusting, I'm Waters and

this is my world. Also, they kick the true victims out of the story. It's not girls in sports. It's the rights of delusional men. So we should keep an eye on this, but also keep in mind that social media isn't real. The silent majority does not make videos. Women don't want to kill their kids. They're too busy making a life for their families and themselves.

And like my Zit, they're happy to be attached to a good man. Let's welcome tonight's guess. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show, ad-free on the Amazon Music app.