Gutfeld! Monologues - Secretary Hegseth Calls For Steinbrenner Policies At The Pentagon 

Episode Date: March 14, 2025

As seen on Gutfeld!, Greg comments on Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth's department review of military grooming and fitness standards. Plus, Greg mocks former First Lady Michelle Obama for her lousy new podcast numbers and content. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. No, you're not dreaming. No, you're not dreaming. Because if you were, I wouldn't have my clothes on. Happy Thursday. everyone. Donald Trump said that the U.S. might place a 200 percent tariff on booze coming from European countries. Wow, talk about rubbing salt in the wounds, huh? First you take her job, now you take her booze. What's next, banging nannies? Michelle Obama surprised

fans on our new podcast by saying her pet peeve about her husband is that he's chronically late. For example, we're still waiting on him to admit he's from Kenya. And as for Barack's pet peeve about Michelle, he's mad that she keeps leaving the toilet seat up. When she cleans it. When she cleans it. Whoopi Goldberg attended the grand opening of New York's Planet Hollywood.

Well, it's not like you'd see her at a grand opening for Planet Fitness. Oh, Eric Adams was also there, not for the party, but to apply for a job as a server. Not doing well. Neither did that joke. It appears Tim Walts will be holding town halls in Republican House districts, unless he's on his period. Hordes of anti-Israel protesters stormed a Trump tower earlier today. Cops quickly dispersed the crowd by handing out. free copies of Jesse's book.

The high school runner who hit her opponent on the head with a baton faces assaulted battery charges, but claims it was all an accident. She actually meant to shoot her. Defense Secretary Pete Hegeseth has ordered a department review of military standards on fitness, body composition, and grooming his military-wide demand. Look at this picture and do the opposite. Insanity. Insanity.

And finally, in Colorado, doctors are urging eyedrop users to read the label after an increase in people accidentally using glue. Although doctors still recommend using glue in your eyes if you're watching this. All right. Too easy. I don't want your applause. So currently the Democrat Party's brand is about as appealing as Rosie O'Donnell, River Dancing and a Thong. It's so bad even Bill Maher doesn't think we'll ever see a Democrat president again.

I don't know if we'll ever see a Democrat president again because I just don't think they are of a mind that that can happen without it ruining the country. So they convince themselves they have to do. So if your messaging is as appetizing as Joy Behar smoking a stogie on a toilet to kill the smell. How do you fix it? Well, if you're a damn taking a hard look in the mirror, do you tell yourself you just need a little makeup, some lipstick and a boob job, or something more drastic? You know, if you're a woman. Oh, that was silence.

A lot of women in the crowd. Yeah. Or do you face the hard truth of what you see and admit that it's more than just appearances and you're going to need more than the Botox of DEI and virtue signaling? Because Dems, let's be honest, you really let yourselves go. Don't take my word for it.

According to their own internal survey, only 27% of independent voters at battleground states believe the Dems are focused on helping them. 27%. I'm not sure it's physically possible to be less popular. And while MSNBC will tell you, Kamala only lost because America's not ready for a woman of color with a lobotomy. The truth is Trump won every swing state and pretty much every Democratic demographic shifted significantly to the right. So Dembs, if you truly believe that Trump is Hitler, what does it say about you that you lost to Hitler? That's right. Hitler has a higher approval rating than you.

So you need more than a makeover. You need to put a stick of dynamite in your mouth, light it, and then start over with a whole new head. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. If you're thirsting for asphalt's melting your work boots, tape measure has a lot. anger issues, nail guns talking smack again and hard hat baked on the head level refreshment? We definitely have that.

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That's funny. You need to swap out your entire political DNA. If you're a car, you don't need a new paint job. You need a whole new car. If you're a restaurant, you don't need a new sign. You need a whole new cuisine. And if you're a political party, you don't need a new messenger. You need a new message.

Either that or put an out-of-business sign on the door and call it a day. But here's the problem. Can today's Dems actually fix something that is so structurally rotten? Because the problem for the left is their explicit intention to make everything about politics. politics, work, play, sports, weather, relationships. There's literally no aspect of American life that today's left doesn't infuse with their radical . Only today's progressives could ruin something as fun as an orgy.

But Americans aren't like that. If our lives were a house, politics takes up one small room. Perhaps it's the basement or the attic. You know, where you keep it locked up like a feral hog, Anna Navarro keeps in her pantry. Americans never used politics as the prism for who we hang out with, where we eat, or who we would give a kidney to. And how do you know when politics has superseded life, when you won't stand and clap for a

kid with cancer? That's almost as bad as lending Jerry Nadler a pair of white underpants. Wow. Don't ask for him back. Ew, gross. Unless you collect them. But that's the overriding sentiment now in every facet of life because they made politics personal.

That means while we're enjoying football, they're obsessing about how the team name is offensive to marginalized people, like the Vikings. But we're not thinking politics all day, if at all. We're not holding cringy public singing so that everyone can see how righteous and off-key we are. We don't inject cliched slogans into every conversation while telling those. who didn't vote for us, that their brains are undeveloped and that in their hearts they're all just racist Nazis.

But the Dems did. No wonder they were humiliated in November. You had it coming. You just told 52% of the electorate that were either evil or just too stupid to see how obviously awful everything is, including us. So as you look for advice, the best shrink may be the person you hate most. Trump, his actions reveal the path forward for the Democrat Party. He focused attention on the true priorities of a country, economy, trade, immigration, crime, taxpayer abuse.

And no, it's not pronouns, DEI, or trans, rights. All of that looks absurd by comparison. Hell, they're absurd on their own. They're just phony theater kid obsessions that no adult takes seriously. So you can't make any progress until you replace your tortured aims with ones rooted in reality. The question is, can you? the virus replaced the host because it's time to look back in that mirror

and admit to yourself, it's too late for a new look. It's time for a new me. Let's welcome tonight's guest. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen

to this show ad-free on the Amazon music app. This is Jimmy Phala, inviting you to join me for Fox Across America. where we'll discuss every single one of the Democrats' dumb ideas. Just kidding. It's only a three-hour show. Listen live at noon Eastern or get the podcast at Fox Across America.com.