Gutfeld! Monologues - Secretary Noem Gets Robbed!

Episode Date: April 29, 2025

As seen on Gutfeld!, Greg jokes about the odd circumstances surrounding Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem's being robbed at a DC restaurant.  Plus, he notes some of the fascinating dynamics at both the Pope's funeral and the White House Correspondents Dinner. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. All right. All right. Wow. Wow. Usually to hear applause like that, I have to strip at the company picnic. Happy Monday, everyone.

So two illegals have been arrested for stealing Christy Gnome's purse at a restaurant. The two suspects are in custody, and the restaurant is now taking applications for dishwasher and busboy. The White House placed yard signs with mugshots of illegals they've arrested and crimes they committed. The move was criticized by Democrats and landscapers. Illegal immigrants complain. that now they will have to mow around themselves. Hundreds of DEA agents rated an underground nightclub in Colorado.

Agents allegedly found drug use, prostitution, and my missing turtleneck. President Trump was slammed by the media for wearing a blue suit to Pope Francis's funeral, overlooking Zelensky, who was dressed like Janet Jackson from the Rhythm Nation 1994. Meanwhile, Joe Biden smiled and took photos at the funeral of Pope Francis. It was quite a step up from the last time he saw the Pope

when instead of taking a selfie, he took a dumpy. Remember that? This week, Kamala Harris will give her first public remarks since leaving office in January. And to prepare, he's been working with two new speechwriters named Gray and Goose. Harris will be speaking at an event that trains women to run for office as Democrats. According to Kamala, step one is writing a great concession speech. Finally, Bill Belichick's 24-year-old girlfriend was criticized for repeatedly interrupting his interview on CBS Sunday morning. She also pulled the plugs of several cameras, which she called practice for later.

The much younger, George. Jordan, shut down an interview question when they asked him where they met. I guess you didn't want to disclose the location. All right. So the White House correspondent's dinner was on Saturday, and it might have been the most low-energy event since Joe Biden challenged Mitch McConnell to a game of freeze tag. It was their reporters gave themselves awards,

including one for writing about Biden's decline in office. A story they didn't so much cover as high, under a pee-stained tarp. Seriously, the media handing themselves an award for covering Joe's decay is like giving BLM an award for fighting crime. Alex Thompson won an award

because he also wrote a book about Biden's brain drain. But like betting on a horse after the race is over, the book magically appeared long after Biden left office. That's like running into a burning building after it's been rebuilt as a Starbucks. Everyone knew Biden was long

gone. I mean, it's not often you see, a podium with a seatbelt on it. So sorry, Alex, you get no points for admitting what your entire industry has had no choice but to admit. They didn't just fail to report on the problem. They were the problem. Here he is accepting the award. President Biden's decline and its cover-up by the people around him is a reminder that

every White House, regardless of party, is capable of deception. But being truth tellers also means telling the truth about ourselves. We, myself included, missed a lot of this story. And some people trust us less because of it. We bear some responsibility for faith in the media being at such lows. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. Did you know that at Chevron, you can fuel up on unbeatable mileage, Savings? With Chevron Rewards, you'll get 25 cents off per gallon on your next five visits.

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plus more than 15 dining options on board, all between discoveries in Ensenada and even overnights in Cabo. You've never done Mexico like this. Book your Boulder-Baha adventure from Los Angeles today. Come seek the Royal Caribbean. Itineraries vary by sale date, ships registry Bahamas. Oh, we missed, missed a lot of the story. That suggests it, like, wasn't intentional. Like missing a bus because you couldn't leave the orphanage until we found Timmy's cat. But when someone, or maybe 60 million someone's are telling you that the bus is right there in front of you and it's waiting for you and you still don't get on, that's intentional. If only they could blame Trump because you know that.

That's what that whole room was thinking. Behind their flutes of cheap champagne, you know they still felt that Trump's candidacy justified anything they did or didn't do. And they do it all over again. You can't teach an old dog new tricks, though Joy Behar will respond to getting whacked with a rolled up newspaper.

You were waiting. You were so patiently waiting. Now, it's kind of nice someone in Legacy Media admitted their complete and total incompetence, but do they really think that's all it'll take to build trust, that we all have faith in them now? It's like John Wayne Gacy's going, yeah, they found a few dead kids under my house,

but I'm a different guy now. What times your kid's birthday party again? Let's re-watch this clip again, but focus on the unimpressed fella in the audience. We, myself included, missed a lot of this story. And some people trust us less because of it. we bear some responsibility for faith in the media being at such days. That's our executive producer, Tom O'Connor, of our show.

Now forget the fact that he was supposed to be waxing my car that day. But notice his Tom face when Alex says, we bear some responsibility for trust in the media being at such lows. You see that? That is, his eyebrow says it all. What's with this we, b-b-de-wee, we, we screwed up. Not us, you jackass. Our show, our show reported on Joe's decline every damn day.

It came right after our Behar fat joke, which you already got, and you're welcome. But if his eyebrow inched any high, it would have landed on the back of his neck. So don't include us in this phony apology tour. There was at least one table in that room that had nothing to apologize for. Well, unless it's for the missing silverware,

you know how the doosies get. But after that, the head of the Correspondents Association spoke. We care deeply about accuracy and take seriously the heavy responsibility of being stewards of the public's trust. What we are not is the opposition. What we are not is the enemy of the people, and what we are not is the enemy of the state. Right.

Not too many professions where you have to clarify that you're not the enemy of the people, especially by a guy who looks like he ate Lionel Richie. But how did he prove he's not the enemy? Well, let's try this out. Did you tell us the truth? Or did you lie for the last four years? primarily about COVID, Biden, race, crime, the border. And you're not the enemy of the people when you lie like that?

Yeah, and I don't have an ass harder than the dinner rolls at Benegans. So look, it's easy to make fun of this sad affair, but it's their pretension, arrogance, and entitlement that makes it so easy. So keep giving yourselves participation trophies for your part in the biggest fraud in media history. But don't call it a dinner. Call it a funeral. Because the guests are only there to pay their last. respects to the corpses of CNN, MSNBC, and the rest of you lying ass bags.

It should have been a closed casket. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show ad-free on the Amazon music app. It's the Will Kane Show. Watch it live at noon Eastern, Monday through Thursday on Fox News.com or on the Fox News.com or on the Fox News YouTube channel and don't miss a show. Get the podcast five days a week

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