Gutfeld! Monologues - Skull Emptier Than A Theater Showing for Snow White

Episode Date: March 29, 2025

As seen on Gutfeld! Gutfeld comments on new reports that Democrats were allegedly preparing to replace Biden since as early as January of 2023 in the event he no longer had the ability to run (or, you know, breathe). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. Thank you. All right. Yes. I know. Thank you. Good to see that those clapping lessons really paid off. It's Friday. So you know what that means? Let's welcome tonight's guests.

He gets sunburned when he opens the refrigerator. Fox News contributor Tom Shaloo! Democrats hate him because they can't indoctrinate him. Host of the Gryft Report, Hoteb Jesus. He's never on the fence because he talks common sense. Comedian Vince August. And finally, her safe word is Lens Crows. afters. Hosts have Kennedy Saves the World Podcast, Kennedy. All right. Swatch. All right, before we get to some news stories, let's do this. Some of these are disgusting. I did read some of them. It's leftovers where I read the jokes we didn't use this week, and as always, it's my first time reading them. So if they suck, we'll put honey in Joe Mackey's underwear and send him to wake up hibernating bears.

An upcoming book claims that Kamala Harris's aides were fully prepared for Joe Biden to die while in office. They just disagreed on where to have the party. A 106-year-old woman is complaining that every time she flies, the airline worker asks her to prove her age. She replies by saying she was once Speaker of the House. In response to upcoming tariffs, Canadian premier Doug Ford vowed to, quote, inflict as much pain as possible on Americans. So I guess we should expect a new nickelback album coming out. I love nickelback.

An Asian man named Paul Hyan Kim was arrested by the Vegas PD for setting fire to five Teslas. He probably would have done more damage by driving them. That joke goes out to NPR. In Germany, a 66-year-old woman gave birth to her 10th child. I know. She should have just stopped at nine! Nine! A few of us can speak German. Don't salute.

Kermit the Frog is going to deliver the commencement address at the University of Maryland. His message for career success, always have a guy's hand up your ass. Kennedy agrees. Two thumbs up. Bill Gates said that within 10 years, thanks to artificial intelligence, humans won't be necessary for most things. Well, I was ahead of my time, said one guy.

A 350-pound teacher was arrested for using a kid as a stepping stool during a safety drill. In the teacher's defense, the kid identified as one. But it's nice to see a teacher using a teacher using a student. a student for something besides sex. To step up. That came from here. The latest fashion trend for women is to wear dresses and gowns that show off their butt crack. Fashionistas credit the revealing new look to a daring new fashion designer.

Business Magazine Fast Company listed the WNBA as one of the top five innovative companies, despite it not turning a profit in 30 years. Wow, who did they beat out? The Casey Anthony Daycare Center? This week, a biotech startup got FDA approval to develop a drug to make dogs live longer, guaranteeing at least another season of one of the United States. of our favorite shows. So you can see.

You kids. We'll be right back after this. Did you know that at Chevron, you can fuel up on unbeatable mileage and savings? With Chevron rewards, you'll get 25 cents off per gallon on your next five visits. All you have to do is download the Chevron app

and join to start saving on fuel. Then you can keep fueling up on Other things like adventure, memories, vacations, daycations, quality time, and so many other possibilities. Head to your nearest Chevron station to fuel up and get rewarded today. Terms apply. See Chevron Texcorewards.com for more details. The Olympic track and field governing body announced it will perform tests on female athletes to make sure that they are biological women. So what's the test?

Well, the judge will ask them to tell a story with only the relevant details. And if they can do that, they're not a woman. Elon Musk's doge revealed the small business administration gave more than $300 million to children under 11. Wow, that's almost as much as my child support, he said. Anyway, Italian model Vittoria Seretti says it's annoying when people call her Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend. Well, fortunately at age 26, all she needs to do is wait a few weeks. A man on board at Delta Flight had to be restrained after biting and hitting the other passengers. He's now facing two counts of impersonating a Spirit Airlines passenger.

Doctors say that abstaining from sex for too long can make you irritable. What the hell is that supposed to mean? Scientists discovered that unattractive men are more likely to be better lovers. Here's the lead scientist. And finally, Maxine Waters suggested that Donald Trump should consider deporting his wife. Not fair. What about mine, said one man.

All right. Speaking of, let's do a monologue. So, who killed the legacy media? Well, it turns out it was a mass suicide, and Joe Biden was there Jim Jones. According to excerpts from an upcoming book obtained by The Guardian, Democratic officials were drawing up plans to replace Biden as early as January of 2023 in the event he no longer had the ability to run. And by that, they mean dead.

In fight inside the wildest battle for the White House, authors Jonathan Allen and Amy Parns claim that AIDS to Kamala Harris, quote, strategize around the possibility that Biden might die in office. And apparently Kamala's comms director went so far as to write a death pool roster of federal judges who might swear her in if Biden indeed kicked the bucket. They also had a team of coroners standing by who could list Joe's time of death

as something besides who the fuck knows. Could have been 2017, 2011. Who's counting, really? The authors also detail other instances of Joe falling apart during the campaign at a donor's reception just days, after the disastrous presidential debate, Biden-Aids put fluorescent tape on the carpet to show the president where to walk. It's similar to how Bill Clinton's team laid out a path using copies of Hustler magazine.

Biden was often tailed by staffers since he did have a tendency to, you know, wander off. I bet they likely had another team nearby ready to make a chalk outline. According to one veteran operative, nobody was crazy about running Kamala for president either, but, quote, at least she had a pulse. I know, talk about a low bar where judging by her own behavior, she pulled up a stool and started doing shots. So at the same time that the White House and their mouthpieces like Joe Scarborough were telling the world Biden was more vigorous than ever, they were planning for his imminent demise. But you can't blame Scarborough for getting it wrong. He's had years of Mika, said, saying he's the best she ever had. Dark.

Dark. Of course, the media seems shocked by this news, but shocking to whom. None of this is surprising to anyone who, unlike Joe, had a brain, not to pat our own backs, but we've been telling you this all along. This guy's skull is emptier than a theater showing snow white.

And we were all smeared for speaking the truth that was clearly on display for years. And now these same jackasses are telling us that the Signal App story is a grave concern when they hid the fact that Biden was literally a concern for the grave. A little turnabout in language. All right, I liked it.

There has to be a penalty for this cover-up. The scandal isn't that they elected a vegetable, it's that journalists knew it and refused to act like journalists, even as the facts got worse. And that penalty should be a complete loss of credibility, not just now, but forever. The rest of us, from Trump on down to his supporters,

have earned a free punch. Meaning every time they shout scandal, we get to hit him with ridicule. I mean, you expect us to care about some group chat regarding a successful strike against terrorists after gaslighting us about a senile old man for four years? Fuck you! That I mean it.

I mean it. It was far more dangerous to give President Biden classified info every single damn day. So what do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Ex-President? Period. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show ad-free on the Amazon music app. Hey, I'm Trey Gowdy, host of the Trey Gatti podcast. I hope you will join me every Tuesday and Thursday

as we navigate life together and hopefully find ourselves a little bit better on the other side. Listen and follow now at Fox Newspodcast.com.