Gutfeld! Monologues - Socialism: The Undead Ideology

Episode Date: August 25, 2026

As seen on Gutfeld! Greg talks about how socialism will spell disaster for America. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You feel that way. Good evening, everyone. So during a speech on Friday, RFK Jr. got interrupted by a quack sound coming from his pocket. Everybody assumed it was his ringtone, but it turns out he didn't have time to strangle his lunch.

A New York Democratic Councilwoman is trying to pass a bill that states elephants can only stay in New York if they are not mounted or ridden. Well, it looks like these five are safe. The FBI seized Eric Swalwell's cell phone as part of a sexual misconduct investigation. Initially, they didn't find any dick picks

until they zoomed in. Yeah, small penis. All right. Yesterday, President Trump took a lap in the beast at the Freedom 250 Indy car spectacular. Meanwhile, Joe Biden took laps around D.C. in this. Hard to find a parking space.

Speaking of Trump, the Washington Post suggests that his recent weight gain poses a significant health risk, noting that Joe Biden kept his trim figure through a daily regimen of his pants. A group of girls practicing at a New York City soccer field were reportedly terrorized by a man

wearing a penis mask. They were frightened until it was revealed the man was just Owen Wilson. Pizza Hut is announced that they are shortening their name, at least temporarily, to Hut. Meanwhile, Taco Bell is shortening its name to diarrhea. A missing cat in England was found 86 miles away, one year after disappearing. Cat owners responded to the news saying, I guess you have to drive even further to release your cat.

Wow. Finally, big news here at Fox as Emily Campano is because, a permanent co-host of the five. So here at our show, we wish Jesse the best in his future endeavors. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. So despite failing over and over again, socialism just won't die.

It just finds new hosts, like a tapeworm or fox and friends. Here's DSA, zealot Hassan Piker, singing a song mocking Charlie Kirk's death at his event this weekend. Well, he's certainly a shoe-in to win Hamas got talent. But you know, Charlie had engaged Piker in formal debates, and they were both civil and professional.

Then Piker treats his murderer as a punchline for easy laughs from the mob. He respected Kirk while he was alive, but roasts him once he's dead. I'm surprised he's not selling glad he's dead merch on his website. But it's amazing how this crap lingers. DSA members have won eight nationwide primaries, over 30 at the state level, racking up victories like a trans chick at a girls' track meet. Angie Nixon won in Florida. Here's a taste of what got her elected,

including her claim that ICE would kill blacks. They are going to racially profile us, and they are going to escalate things, and they are going to shoot and kill us, and they are going to get away with it unless we send people like me to Washington, D.C. Do I support reparations? Absolutely.

I'm the only candidate in the race that will say that. Not extreme to want to make sure that we end, for-profit prisons. They want is cheap labor or free labor, modern-day slavery. And folks often say, like, oh, are you going to be able to work across the aisle with the Republicans? They're not trying to work across the aisle. They're literally trying to kill us. Literally.

Great. Republicans are literally trying to kill black people. Cool story, says Republicans. Here's our candidate for governor. But maybe. Maybe she can sing a duet with Piker and combine ebony and ivory with dumb and dumber. So it's clear the DSA has become an infection the Dems can't seem to kick, which raises a question, how does socialism a disastrous concept continue as a reoccurring option,

despite a list of failures that rivals Polly Shores IMDB page? It's the same equation that occurs with bad movies, horrible landmarks, and Halloween candy. Necco wafers, candy corn, bitter, Honey? Now tell me, where am I supposed to put the razor blades? Instant failures become classics simply by enduring. It reminds me of the leaning tower of Pisa. A building that failed due to unstable soil should have been demolished, but instead its defect made it a tourist attraction.

But no one can inhabit it because it's not fit for living. Perhaps it's there to serve as a reminder that some screw-ups are so big you keep them as a warning to mankind. Socialism is similar except people inhabit it, not by choice, but by force. And it's kept alive by academics whose ivory tower shields them from the mountains of dead it leaves behind.

And for the young, dumb, and bored, socialism is just something to do other than face reality. For them, it's becoming a political, rocky horror picture show, which remains one of the worst movies ever made, but it never dies. People revel in its awfulness. For 50 years, they've cosplayed its campy horror.

But unlike socialism, at least no one's died from it. But it's a form of historical revisionism. Something initially bad gets rewritten as so bad it's good. A cult classic, if you will. Socialism's like that, except it's so bad, it's deadly. Occult success along the lines of Jim Jones and Charlie Manson. That's because, according to them, all relations between people are relations of power. And although they know how to attain power, they've yet to figure out how to do anything

with it, but kill. Because they've never done anything, period. That's basically the resume for a socialist. They invent nothing, build nothing. They only destroy, which is why socialism cannot be called a system at all. It's an anti-system, a solvent that dissolves the existing structure, but cannot hold its shape when the old one is gone. Carl Marx spent his life writing about why markets are evil, but almost zilch on what to do after you've destroyed it. That's because their success is measured by how much of the existing order they can destroy and not whether you make things better. It's not defining a better way to run a society. It's creating a permanent moral license to oppose whatever a system currently exists. Their talent is to look at it and say,

well, that's the problem. Burn it down. So it's why Piker can rise without ever doing anything in life except mocking those who have done things in life. In a socialist world, that's achievement. And our world, just pathetic. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show, ad-free on the Amazon Music app.