Gutfeld! Monologues - The New York Times Is Worried About Guacamole, But The Border Needs A Goalie

Episode Date: December 14, 2024

As seen on Gutfeld!, Comedian Tom Shillue guest hosts and delivers some wild one-liners about New York City Mayor Eric Adams' meeting with incoming Border Czar Tom Homan. Plus, he gives a snaring takedown of a New York Times Op-Ed that says President-elect Trump's immigration plans should be scrapped because of potential for increased guacamole prices.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. I am Tom Shaloo, in for Greg on this very special edition of Gutfeld. It is Friday, so you know what that means. Okay, before we get to some new stories, let's do this. Greg's Leftovers. Mmm. Yes, it's leftovers where I read the jokes we didn't use this week. New York Times mayor Eric Adams met with incoming borders are Tom Holman to discuss the migrant crisis,

pressures on infrastructure, and challenges for law enforcement, barely leaving them enough time for a romantic Central Park carriage ride. According to a House report on Trump's attempted assassin Ryan Ruth, a secret service agent may have been only five feet away when he fired six times at Ruth and missed him every time. The agent has since been transferred to the Imperial Stormtroopers. All right. All right. Sports news, Bill Belichick will take over the football program

at the University of North Carolina. He says he can't wait to start the season and his girlfriend can't wait to start classes. Ooh. A defund the police activist in San Francisco is complaining after thieves stole a U-Haul filled with all her possessions. The cops are on the lookout for a truck

filled with fancy feast and lexapro. Netflix announced the pre-show entertainer for the NFL's Christmas Day games will be Mariah Carey, where she'll sing, all I want for Christmas is you before being tranquilized and put back in storage for another year. We'll be back with more Gutfeld.

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Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates, pet injuries, and additional coverage and subject to policy terms. A Hollywood icon Dick Van Dyke turns 99 today. Yeah. And to ensure he makes it to 100, we've sent him a year's supply of balance of nature. This week, Elizabeth Warren said that the murder

of United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson was wrong. But people can only be pushed so far, which is the same thing Jill Biden says when approaching a staircase with her husband. Okay. Now to the searing monologue. Dems are worried about guacamole while the border needs a gole. As the incoming Trump administration vows to crack down on illegal immigration and fix the border mess, it appears the left is more focused on collateral damage from Trump's actions, namely, how his proposed tariffs on Mexico and the deportation of illegal aliens will impact avocados. For the record, avocados are technically a fruit, and this is technically a vegetable.

All right. The New York Times writes, prepare for guacamole to be a luxury item. What does that make the New York Times, which I only use as a placemate when I eat guacamole? The Times snark really shines in this sentence, quote, just as a reminder to the incoming administration, about two-thirds of vegetables and almost half of fruit and nut imports to the United States come from Mexico. And how many avocados? 90%. No more avocado toast? What will millennials eat when they listen to true crime podcasts? And of course, the Times isn't just worried about that.

tariffs. What about all those illegal aliens who are about to get deported? They're the ones the Dems want to keep in the fields doing the jobs that are beneath the elites, like farm labor, janitorial work, or marrying Elon Omar. Sure, Biden's unchecked illegal immigration has sent crime skyrocketing and then taking jobs away from hardworking Americans. And what's the times worried about? Higher prices for guacamole. Meanwhile, regular Americans are worried about crime from violent illegal alien thugs. If that means less fentanyl, we'll take the hit on condiments, thank you. But try telling that to the mainstream media in the White House. On his way out the door, Biden seems to be doing everything he can to screw up Trump's plans for a secure border.

As the Daily Wire reports, the Biden administration is quietly clearing away border wall parts and putting them up for auction before Trump takes power. Hey, Joe, just because you keep walking into walls doesn't mean the rest of us don't like them. The Daily Wires, James Lolino, obtained video of huge metal sections of the border wall at an auction site, ready to be sold to the highest bidder. Fox reached out to the White House for comment. They haven't returned our calls yet. According to a screenshot of the auction site, bidding reportedly starts at just five bucks per wall panel. Five bucks!

Seems like that money could be better spent on a side of guac and chips. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show ad-free on the Amazon Music app. This is Jason Chaffetz from the Jason in the House podcast. Join me every Monday to dive deeper into the latest political headlines and chat with remarkable guests. Listen and follow now at Fox Newspodcast.com. Or wherever you download podcasts.