Gutfeld! Monologues - The World Sucks

Episode Date: September 5, 2025

As seen on Gutfeld!, Trump might just be taking things to the next level by contemplating revoking Rosie O’Donnell’s U.S. citizenship! Meanwhile, across the pond, a UK comedian has been arrested for making anti-trans jokes. Join Greg as he explores why so many people are looking to the U.S. with envy! Don’t miss it! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ontario, the wait is over. The gold standard of online casinos has arrived. Golden Nugget Online Casino is live. Bringing Vegas-style excitement and a world-class gaming experience right to your fingertips. Whether you're a seasoned player or just starting, signing up is fast and simple. And in just a few clicks, you can have access to our exclusive library of the best slots and top-tier table games. Make the most of your downtime with unbeatable promotions and jackpots that can turn any mundane moment into a golden, opportunity at Golden Nugget Online Casino. Take a spin on the slots, challenge yourself at the

tables, or join a live dealer game to feel the thrill of real-time action, all from the comfort of your own devices. Why settle for less when you can go for the gold at Golden Nugget Online Casino. Gambling problem call Connects Ontario 1866531-260. 19 and over, physically present in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. See Golden Nuggett Casino.com for details. Please play responsibly. All right. Thank you. Oh, stop you kids. I bet you didn't expect Brett Baer would do your pat down.

Good evening, everyone. All right, President Trump said he's giving serious thought to revoking Rosie O'Donnell's U.S. citizenship. After all, since she left, there have been zero Bigfoot sightings. Since President Trump canceled Kamala Harris's Secret Service Protection, Los Angeles cops are being used to provide her security. They're not even letting her drive, not because she's a drunk, but because she's a woman. I know. I know.

It's 2025. I agree with your outrage. But the thought of having police officers guarding Kamala has given me an idea for a new business. a donut shop that sells wine. Oh, it's probably because you do think it's a good idea. I think they were doing what I was doing. I was like, what's the name? Grape holes?

I was like, where is the joke? All right, enough of you people. A hot Mike caught Vlad Putin and President Xi brainstorming on how they can live to 150 using organ transplants. God, I hate hot mics. That's why I never got along with Michelle Obama. Horrible.

And you're clapping for that one and not the donut shop joke. Don Lemon got kicked out a congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Green's office. She thought he was there to confront her, but he really wanted to go through her trash for recyclable cans and bottles. Hard times, Don. That's what they call him. After meeting with alleged Epstein victims, Nancy Mace now wants Pris Andrew in handcuffs,

which is nuts since that would only turn him on. And finally, workers doing renovations at an Ontario high school found a man's wallet that was lost 51 years ago. Up until now, of course, the only wallet that contained a 50, one-year-old condom belong to this man. We'll be back

with more Gutfeld. Reading, playing, learning. Stellist lenses do more than just correct your child's vision. They slow down the progression of myopia. So your child can continue to discover all the world has to offer

through their own eyes. Light the path to a brighter future with stellar lenses for myopia control. Learn more at SLOR.com. And ask your family eye care professional for Esselor Stellis Lenses at your child's next visit. Monologue, monologue, monologue. So in case you've forgotten, the world sucks. That's it.

Good night, everybody. Well said. Take the UK. They arrested comedian Graham Illenahan for making so-called anti-trans social media posts. True. And then UK, knowing the difference between boys and girls, can send you to jail. and speaking your mind can get you cuffed. Did you know that British police make up to 30 arrests a day for offensive online messages?

Thousands of people detained for messages that cause annoyance, inconvenience, or anxiety to others. Imagine that happening here. If I could throw everybody who annoys me in jail, there'd be nobody left to make this show. Meanwhile, as Brits lock up comics for words, they allowed statistic, grooming gangs to flourish. You can rape women, but you can't insult the rapists. Like in Germany, where a woman was jailed for calling a rapist in her town

a disgraceful pig. The court found that she defamed him. Meanwhile, the perp got zero jail time. Their defamation laws are so strict you can be fined or jailed for calling someone an idiot. If we had that law, just based on my conversations with Jesse, I'd be on

death row. In France, migrant riots are so routine that in Paris hotels, instead of putting a mint on your pillow, they leave you a bottle of pepper spray. Even Switzerland is seeing migrant riots. And that's a country where the most dangerous thing is getting clubbed by a large Toblerone. And then there's Canada, where an Ontario man was charged with assault after using a knife to defend his own home against an intruder. Yeah, so what was he supposed to do, leave his car key?

at the door, I'm not kidding. To prevent the possibility of being attacked in your home, leave your fobs at your front door. Because they're breaking into your home to steal your car. They don't want anything else. I know, I know, but he can't hear you, so it's, it's... But great. What's next? Should we sleep with the bedroom door open with our ass high up in the air?

Wouldn't be the first time. A candidate, man. I thought you bottomed out with Drake. So why did I spend all this precious time on countries that wish they were us? Because we were well on our way to becoming them. Prior to Trump, Joe Biden made decline something his party aspired to. Decline was what America deserved. By opening the border to say,

he turned surrender into a policy, replacing our own flag with a white one. So it became a question of will. Do you try to stop the obvious decline or continue oppressing our own citizens while giving invaders anything and everything they want? Our enemies realize that one way to destroy a democracy is to exploit empathy, let in people who actively advocate against our system and swear that if they were ever in power, they would imprison us for resisting. and yet we granted them asylum.

That's not a melting pot. That's a strategy to destroy America. Enter Donald J. Trump. Say what you want, but America is no longer a doormat. I mean, yeah. USA, USA, USA, USA, USA. Oh, my God. You're at the right show, people.

Yes. After all, Trump has a legal immigrant criminal surrounded in a swamp full of gators being guarded by a beautiful woman that shoots puppies. I mean, come on. Trump called BS on all this self-hate, because under Biden, he saw the future. And he remembered we have a constitution,

that lovely little First Amendment and a second one that protects the first one. We can speak out. The rest of the world can't. And Trump understands this. He looks at the world. world and says, why should we help you if you can't help yourselves? Why should America play cleanup crew for countries that punish victims, handcuffed comedians, and lecture

us about fascism? America ain't perfect, but we don't arrest people for jokes or jail homeowners for protecting themselves or fine women for insulting their rapists or celebrate soccer. Yeah. But the rest of the world, they're a mirror into what the future could have held for the U.S. And Trump smashed that mirror. And in the shards, you can see exactly what he saved us from. A future of censorship, weakness, and surrender. It's funny.

Normally, smashing a mirror gives you seven years bad luck. But in this case, it's the break we've all been looking for. Let's talk it. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show and free on the Amazon Music app. Listen to the all-new Brett Bear podcast featuring Common Ground, in-depth talks with lawmakers from opposite sides of the aisle,

along with all your Brett Bear favorites like his all-star panel and much more. Available now at Fox Newspodcasts.com or wherever you get your podcasts.