Gutfeld! Monologues - To Beat Trump, She'll Talk Like Forrest Gump

Episode Date: August 3, 2024

As seen on Gutfeld!, featuring guest host Kat Timpf, FOX News Contributor, Tyrus, Host of the Kennedy Saves The World podcast, Kennedy, Comedian, Jim Norton, and FOX Business Host Liz MacDonald discuss how Vice President Harris has changed her tune since becoming the presumptive Democratic nominee.  Plus, Kat delivers a monologue on the last few historic weeks in politics and the recent news that she is pregnant with her first child! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. Hey, guys, it's me, Kat Timp! Welcome to a special edition of Gutfeld. Greg's off counting his money in front of Amier. So let's do some jokes. Kamala Harris's short list for vice president includes Mark Kelly, Josh Shapiro, Tim Walls, Andy Beshear, Pete Buttigieg, and J.B. Pritzker. I haven't seen a lineup that white since the 52 Celtics. Get it?

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contain dangerous amounts of toxic chemicals. Condom? What's that? said one man. All right, let's do a monologue. What a couple of weeks, huh, guys? Dems, the media, and pop culture are all suddenly super into Kamala Harris. Did you guys see the cover of, New York magazine. Welcome to Kamalot. In a matter of days, the Democratic Party discovered that its future was actually in the White House all along. So that's where she's been hiding.

But they're right about one thing. It did happen fast. It seems like it was just weeks ago that a lot of the same people were insisting that Joe was in great shape and definitely running. According to KGP, he should be taking the gold in pole vault right about now. And yet somehow we're supposed to just forget all that. Today, Kamala is Wonder Woman. When yesterday, she was wonder why this woman is here. So we got to ask ourselves why. Why did this adulation occur all at once? It's certainly not anything Kamala said. I can't be the only one who noticed that until yesterday's rally, we hadn't really heard much from her at all. And if you take away that unburdened by what has been thing that she does, I don't think she's actually said a complete sentence since

she started fantasizing aloud about yellow school buses. So right now, she's actually more of an idea than a candidate. The reason for Kamala's meteoric rise is partisan politics. When you think nothing but my team good, other team bad, it doesn't even matter who Kamala is as long as she's not on the other team. It's the same reason it took so long for any of them to say, hey, maybe there's something wrong with Joe, as in this guy. The first frost, you know what was happening.

It had to put on their windshield wipers to get literally the oil slick off the window. That's why I had so damn many other people I grew up have cancer. We hold these troops to be self-evident. All men and women created by go, you know the thing. The group included, groundbreaking Asian Americans like Vera Wang. And Joan, shangang, shriam, my password, shanga, kawawa. I think I pronounce it correctly. She can call me Joe Bidden.

I'd like to think that if I saw this happening to someone I knew, that I would speak up. Oh. But no one did. because our rabidly partisan politics have stopped people from actually thinking about anything. Once you pick a side, you don't have to think. You just go along with whatever your side says and use the rest of the room in your brain to think about how much you hate the other one. Now, Democrats didn't consider that Joe might be unfit for another four years

because they'd already been conditioned to believe that that was a Republican thing to say. And of course, it's not just Democrats who are partisan. All right, be honest. Both sides do this. As an independent, this means I'm lucky enough to have people from both sides yell at me sometimes. It can feel like I'm on Mori Popovich, and the DNA test just said, I am the father. It really sucks, and not just because it kind of hurts my feelings when people are mad at me. The hyper-partisanship also sucks because it tears us apart unnecessarily. It's sad, but it's true. Politics, makes us fight with people we actually know on behalf of people who don't even know we exist.

And all of this, while the people in power, play us against each other in order to gain even more power and control. It's the subject of my new book, I used to like you in Till, which comes out in September and you should pre-order now, and not just because my feet are on the cover. It's also because it's an issue that's very important to me, especially as I'm a I'm about to bring a new human into the world. Thank you. Yeah. In case you haven't seen online today, I'm pregnant.

And my body no longer looks like it did when I shot that book cover. As some of you have so kindly pointed out, by the way. Real nice, huh? You'd think Greg would at least say it to my face. No, my husband and I are very excited to become parents. Yes, thank you. And of course, of course, to finally have the acceptance of J.D. Vance. But I'm also nervous for a few reasons.

One, we're not sure who the father is. Don't worry, I'm sure once we see what the baby looks like, it'll answer a lot of questions. It was a joke. jeez where what do you think this is stop looking but on a very serious note guys I'm also very worried

about raising my child in a world where it's not acceptable to be an individual with independent thoughts it's especially sad considering that we live in a country that was founded on the value of individual rights I'm also terrified to just raise a child

in general I'm afraid I be a good mom. I'm afraid that I'll be giving up my career. And if my book or my tour flop, then I will see that as a confirmation of that fear. So if you've ever been in my mentions or email telling me to get pregnant, I did it. So help me out, please, and pre-order my book at the real cattip.com. Thank you. Clever, clever. Thank you. And that was not self-promotion either, because it was for my kid. And if you don't want to order it, because you hate me and you hated this whole monologue and you want me to be fired, please keep that to yourself, okay? I'm very sensitive right now because of all the hormones, and I also had to write this

entire thing without my ADHD medication or nicotine and very little caffeine. As grateful as I am to be pregnant, it is also fucking hard. I don't mean I'm some kind of unique victim either when I say that. I actually mean the opposite. To all of the giggilions of women out there who have done this, I had no idea how hard it was, and every single one of you is a hero. For real. And I know that it's, yes, thank you, one person who clap. I also know that it's like not going to get any easier,

probably for decades, if I'm lucky, because that's what motherhood is. But the good news is I can look at the hard times as just one more way I can relate to the other women who have shared this same experience. Yes, regardless of our politics. All right, don't go anywhere. We'll be right back.

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nearest Chevron station to fuel up and get rewarded today. Terms apply. See Chevron-Texicoewards.com for more details. Let's welcome tonight's guest. She's so trippy, magic mushrooms are jealous. Host of Kennedy Saves the World Podcast, Kennedy. His jokes are so sick. Anthony Fauci keeps lying about them. Comedian Jim Norton. On this McDonald's farm, she has a boatload of money. Host of the evening edit on Fox Business, Liz McDonald. If you think his biceps are big, you should see his heart.

New York Times bestselling on their comedian and former NWA world champion, Tyrant. The words out of her mouth sound different in the South. True. Kamala gets wrecked for her fake dialect. Our video of the day comes to us from a Kamala Harris rally in Atlanta yesterday. Listen carefully how quickly she went from a San Francisco elite to a southern bell. You all helped us win in 2020, and we're going to do it again in 2024. Yes, we will. Yes, we will. Well, I do declare. But that was really fast, so let's hear it one more time, please. You all helped us win in 2020, and we're going to do it again in 2024. Yes, we will.

Yes, 2020. The election year Kamala got zero delegates. Even Amy Klobuchar got five of them, and she eats salad with a comb. I will never forget this egg salad with a comb. Liz, why did she do this? I don't know. You know, I was thinking about, oh, yes, unburdened by what has been her California accent and her Canadian upbringing, you know, so I'm wondering if does she, is she going to have

hot sauce in her pocket like Hillary? Is she going to go, is she going to go gun shooting in Ohio like John Kerry did? I mean, nothing screams fake more than a fake accent after you had, you know, no delegates, no Democrat primary voters. And now, you know, pretty much a Potemkin campaign because she's not talking any policy. It's all brand and imaging. Yeah, I think the craziest one was, I mean, it also, they've just, well, remember when Hillary was trying to connect with younger voters? She was like, Pokemon, go to the polls.

Or when she started barking, Jim? I remember Hillary, and she was doing some speech, and it was in front of a black audience, and she changed her accent. I don't feel no way's tie. It was really awful. And I don't understand what it is about people who want to rule the free world. They have such a weird sense of self that they use a fitting in technique that I used when I was a freshman in high school.

How do you not have any idea of your own identity enough to be comfortable? And I don't mind if people hate Trump, but the bottom line is he is the same guy in every room. Can you picture him doing this? You know, yell. It just, it's just... I actually can't.

No. I actually can't picture it. That's a guy who truly, whether you like him or not, he truly believes in himself. And you could tell someone who believes in themselves because they're themselves in any room. Yeah, absolutely. Don't clap.

Don't clap. I change in every room I go into it. You knew this room would like that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I said it, so you'd like it. Kennedy, what do you think? I went to a black church in Harlem with Jim, and he spoke jive the entire time.

Which I was, it was like Barbara Billingsley in Airplay. I mean, it was uncanny. No, it really was. Yeah, every time he calls me on the phone, I'm like, my brother? Well, Mama didn't raise no dummy. Yeah, it's so, it's so weird, and she doesn't have to do that. No. And, you know, it's like, remember when Joe Biden was like, they're going to put you all in charge?

Oh, yes. And it's like, what the hell are you doing? Like, it's so weird and disingenuous. And, you know, it's like Hillary Clinton set women back in politics eight years. It has taken eight years for a major party to have a female nominee. And if Kamala keeps going at this rate, she's going to tank it for another 45. Yeah, I mean... That's not good news.

I mean, this is actually... You can set women's rights back by having a candidate like this who casts a bad shadow over really phenomenal, successful, capable women. I would not put her in that category. And, you know, Tyrus, I don't understand it on many levels, but also it doesn't work. I don't think anybody saw that. And she knows it doesn't work. Because if you roll the tape one more time, the Southern access dies, and she forgets she's on the mic and says, well, yes, yes, I did. Like, she changed accents after she said, y'all, she went back to San Francisco.

go. Yes, yes, I did. So she really can't keep it up, even when they needed to. Because you know, she acts like somebody who doesn't associate with grassroots people. And that's why Carrie went to shoot guns. And that's why someone will go to pump gas and forget to actually turn it on. You know what I'm saying? Or like, hey, hon, let's have a beer. And her husband's like, I'm leaving you. That's why my jackets are. So, I mean, it's just they're out of touch. They do these out of weird things. And they think it's so cool because they have somebody who's a publicist that's probably 20 years old, completely out of touch, and be like, you know, it would be cool if you sound like a rapper tonight. They'll go crazy for that. And she went out there and she did it. And I think even as

she said, y'all, she was like, and then she said, I think I did it. So I mean, it's just, it's embarrassing, but it's not going to hold water. All right. Well, quick reminder before we go, go see Tyrus on tour. He'll be in Oregon, Idaho, Wyoming, Illinois, and more. Go to Tyrus's link tree site for ticket info. All right. Thank you to Kennedy, Jim Norton, Liz McDonald, Tyrus, and our studio audience. Fox News at Night with Trace Gallagher is next. I'm Kat Tink, and on behalf of Greg Gutfeld, I love you, America. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts,

and Amazon Prime members can listen to this show, ad-free on the Amazon Music cap hey i'm trade gowdy host of the trade gowdy podcast i hope you will join me every tuesday and thursday as we navigate life together and hopefully find ourselves a little bit better on the other side listen and follow now at foxnewspodcast dot com