Gutfeld! Monologues - Trump: Message Matches Image

Episode Date: May 9, 2026

As seen on Gutfeld! Last show of the week! That means its time to take a look at Greg's Leftovers, his jokes of the week that didn't make the cut! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Behind every F-35 jet is a Canadian company, horizontal tails built in Winnipeg, engine sensors from Ottawa, and stealth composite panels crafted in Loonenburg to name just a few. Thanks to thousands of skilled Canadian workers, the F-35 aircraft is delivering unmatched capabilities for 20 allied nations around the world, and will generate more than $15.5 billion in industrial value for Canada. This ad is sponsored by the F-35 partner team, Lockheed Martin, BAE Systems, Northrop Grumman, and RTX. Learn more at www.f35.com slash Canada. Sit down! Let's welcome tonight's guests.

On medical forums, under race, he checks khaki. Co-hosts of Fox of Friends First Todd Pyro. She still uses Confederate money. Co-hosts at the bottom line on Fox Mrs. Dagan McDowell. He's proof that there is a gad. Professor and author of the new book, Suicidal Empathy, Gad Sad. He took first place in America's Got Perverts. So the Jim Norton Can't Save You Podcast, Jim Norton.

All right, well, before we get to some news stories, let's do this. Greg's Leftovers. It's leftovers, where I read the jokes we didn't use this week, and as always, it's my first time reading them. So if they suck, we'll strip Joe Mackey naked, cover him in steaming hot mashed potatoes, and send him to Katie Porter. Yesterday on the view, Joy Behar said,

The only person that she ever yells at is her husband. And it's during sex when she screams, stop crying. Kamala Harris wants the DNC to release the autopsy on how they managed to lose in 2024. They responded by sending her a mirror. You never know. You never know. The U.S. will start revoking passports for parents who owe child support of $100,000 or more. Yeah, some say it's an effort to keep. NBA stars from playing overseas.

I don't get it. California Governor Gavin Newsom announced he's offering $50,000 to anyone who helps crack unsolved crimes in California. The biggest unsolved crime so far is how did he get elected? Oh, you don't have to. You didn't like it. A CNN commentator said that running for president is like having sex, which is true. Both don't seem to work if you get too drunk.

According to a new poll, 71% of Democratic women believe they could defeat Trump in a fist fight. Come on, ladies, aren't you tired of seeing Trump beat women? A doctor discovered he could fix a man's irregular heartbeat by shoving a finger up his rectum. When asked how you could heal the heart through the patient's butthole, the doctor said, who said anything about the patient's butthole? A NASA scientist claims that she died three times And when she died, she'd always see the same thing Her husband standing over her holding a pillow

We'll be back with more Gutfeld Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive The Price is Right Fortune Pick BetMGM and Game Sense remind you to play responsibly 19 plus to wager Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor.

Free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. President Trump says that the U.S. and Iran are closing in on a one-page memo to end the war. The Ayatollah would sign it, but he has to learn to hold a pen with his mouth. Thank you. While fishing in a New Jersey lake, an eight-year-old boy was attacked by a wild beaver. Well, guess who just took up fishing, huh? You people.

According to a new study, humans could be awake while sleeping. True, one man did it for four straight years. On Tuesday, President Trump brought back the presidential fitness test for public schools. The teachers have mixed feelings. True, the students are hotter, but they're also faster. Think about it. Or don't. That's not to think about it.

Kamala Harris officially endorsed Karen Bass for L.A. mayor, saying she's the leader that L.A. needs right now. She then said, this is the leader I need right now. Amazing. According to a new study, people who are depressed tend to have more frequent sexual fantasies. And people thought I was crazy for trying to pick up chicks at the Golden Gate Bridge. You like that one. Over the weekend, Marco Rubio was spotted DJing at a wedding. It was all fun in games until he played Ice Ice Baby.

And the dishwashers fled the scene. And finally, it's been reported that Iran is training dolphins. to carry mines into the Strait of Hormuz. Meanwhile, the U.S. Navy responded with its own secret weapon, gas-filled whales. Thank you so much. Thank you. Okay.

Two things define a politician, the messaging and the package. And Trump's success is that they were one and the same. Before him, politicians sounded like they were built in a lab, often with expired parts. But Trump broke that. When you heard him, you knew. what he was about. There's no camouflage. He's not a Trojan horse or a Trojan ass. Dems are different. The message in the package must be different because the message is so bad it needs a costume.

It's like covering dog medicine with peanut butter. Fun fact, Joy Behardt does the same thing with her tits. But Biden was elected thanks to a deceptive package, the old white statesman. But once he got in office, the actual message revealed itself. open borders, DEI mandates, trans, crime, not to mention free room and board for the mentally challenged. Dems are doing it again. Trojan horses applying a thick sheen of shallow rhetoric to cover up ruinous policies. And when you are just a package, you dismiss the present misery by simply saying, we didn't go far enough. Crime up? Well, then parole killers who are on death row. People fleeing your state? Well, raise taxes. is even more. Suffer from erectile dysfunction? Picture Rosie O'Donnell naked. After every failed

prophecy, they just demand you have more faith, hence the false prophets, like Gavin Newsom. He's the charming, glossy package that guided California to disaster. Never has a package been more different than the substance inside. But thanks to the press, the suspicious packaging rarely has to answer for its awful contents. Because if Democrats ever had to plainly state what they believed, nobody would buy it. I mean, could Gavin say illegals take priority over citizens? Activists have more rights than you.

Women can have penises and men can have periods. The room would clear out faster than an elevator after Todd Pyro gets in. Which is why Dems need shiny packages. Enter New York's mayor. Talk about fresh and new. but underneath the gloss are ideas as old and crusty as the boogers and Geraldo's mustache. And deadly, too. Socialism has killed more dreams than Freddie Kruger.

I mean, I give Bernie Sanders some credit. At least he has the honesty to look like a socialist. True, he's a multimillionaire with three homes, but he looks like he just escaped a gulag. So what's left for the Dems after all the real people? have gone. All that remains are the people who could go nowhere else. The vessels, the ones willing to carry around the most noxious ideas, like Graham Platner, who described himself as an Antifa super soldier who champions political violence and hates the Jews. Well, maybe he undermines my theory, since his own public statements mirror the current themes of modern progressivism, which might explain why they're able to accept his Nazi tattoo. All right.