Gutfeld! Monologues - Trump's Latest Big Moves

Episode Date: May 7, 2025

As seen on Gutfeld!, Greg makes fun of Fauci and the media after Trump's recent ban on federal funding for gain-of-function research. Plus, Greg calls out the Dems and the media for turning a blind eye to illegal immigration during Trump's new self-deportation policy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. Thank you. Oh. Thank you. Thank you. You know? All right. I give up.

You know, that and the money make it all worthwhile. Happy Tuesday, everyone. So Kamala Harris went for a drink at a New York City bar, taking a slew of bodyguards, including Secret Service along with her. Why so many agents? Well, there was one to protect Kamala and tend to keep Doug from impregnating the staff.

He has a thing for the help. Who doesn't? The suspect accused applauding to kill fans at Lady Gaga's concert in Rio de Janeiro was an illegal that was just deported from the United States. I know. Upon hearing the news, Senator Van Hollen immediately flew there to personally give him a Brazilian wax.

That story's nowhere. Fans spotted a mysterious stain on Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour's dress at the Met Gala. Authorities are currently looking for a suspect matching this description. Good sketch artist. On her podcast, Michelle Obama has bravely come clean about going into therapy. Got a handed to her, that takes balls. What? But this may inspire other first ladies to seek help, especially those having to deal with the guilt of murdering so many people.

How did that picture get up there? A seven-year-old boy somehow drove his little sister nine miles to a McDonald's and his mom's SUV. Authorities say it could have been far worse if the mom had been driving. Because women can't drive. Thank you. That's for our hearing impaired. To celebrate Star Wars Day, J.B. Pritzker tweeted out a picture of himself in a Jedi costume. Whoa.

Even Jabba the Hut was like, wow, this dude's fat. True, the picture caused many to wonder if Pritzker had accidentally eaten Yoda. Mattel is blaming tariffs for increasing the price of Barbie dolls. And also, crushing Ken's dreams of ever having genitals. And finally, a 115-year-old British woman is now the world's oldest living person. Or as Joe Biden likes to call her, jailbate. She's 15. A hundred and 15.

Yesterday, Donald Trump once again saved the country, banning federal funding for gain-of-function research in countries like China. By now, you know what... Oh, okay. I think so. Now, by now you know what gain of function is. It's modifying a virus to make it more infectious. Sounds great, right? Let's empower a virus. It's like giving a guy with syphilis, free Viagra, and a private jet. It's the same research that took place in the Wuhan lab, which was likely responsible for COVID-19 and championed by this halacious hobbit. Remember when Fauci insisted he was the science? I'll like him better.

when he identifies as the incarcerated. But Trump didn't stop there. Yesterday, the NIH closed experimentation labs that ran tests on dogs. Labs accused of killing thousands of beagles for decades. Which makes you wonder, how could this even be happening? And why are we just doing something about it now? Whatever the reason, Trump's ending this killing.

Of course, because it's Trump, I'm sure the media will object, saying, well, maybe these dogs were racist. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. Prime delivery is fast. How fast are we talking? We're talking puzzle toys and look pad delivered so fast you can get this puppy under control. Fast. We're talking chew toys at your door without really waiting fast.

P-pads, cooling mat and peghammer, fast and fast and those training T-R-E-A-T-S faster than you can say sit fast. And now we can all relax and order these matching hoodies to get cozy and cute. Fast. Fast free delivery. It's on prime. But when it comes to the path of common sense, Trump's king of the road. Take the border.

He is now offering illegal immigrants $1,000 to deport themselves. I wonder if he's going to pay each one a certain amount of money. We're going to pay each one a certain amount of money, and we're going to get him a beautiful flight back to where they came from. It's called self-deportation. And by doing that, you know, you're talking about so many millions of people. Yes, and what better way to get someone to do something than to incentivize them? And incentives work, which is why the Dems hate him.

But unlike Tim Walts claiming he has high testosterone, these numbers don't lie. The DHS claims self-deportation would be 70% cheaper for taxpayers. Currently costs over 17 grand to arrest, detain, and deport someone, while it would only cost $4,500 to self-deport. Hell, Joy Behar spends that much a month on ham. Making her a cannibal. Oh. Makes sense.

Plus, taxpayers have been footing the bill for migrants for years. Chicago has paid over $600 million in contracts to house illegals. New York says their number is more than seven. billion. Nationwide, it's estimated taxpayers pay over 150 billion to cover the cost of illegals. That's your money going to free hotel rooms, plane rides, health care, and even freer violent gangs. Hell, if I wanted to pay to take care of dangerous men, I'd bring back my homeless wrestling tournament. And what do we get besides gangbangers who complain about room service? Fine. From now on, let's make sure their continental breakfast means on a different

continent. Now, all right. I'll take it. Now, will this lead to more deportations of people who are a burden on the system? Well, to see if it would work, we tested it out here at Fox. Who is it? Will you leave? The country? For $1,000? Yes. But I don't, where's my stuff? We packed it for you. All my stuff is in this bag?

Sure. Sure. Nicaragua, here I come. If only we knew sooner, how easy it was. So Trump knows what he's doing, and he's brought illegal immigration to a halt. Are border crossings at their lowest level ever recorded? Border crossings are at their lowest level ever recorded. Is that good?

Is the border now secure? Yes, it's really secure. It's absolutely secure. When you say that, doesn't that just sound good, after being abused for years by an incompetent president that allowed people to pour through an open border? It's like he's talking dirty to her. Yeah.

You like it? The board is secure. Oh. Oh, it's so secure. Nothing's getting through that border. It's tight. True, the border was shut down quicker than a massage parlor when they see Jerry Nadler coming.

But isn't it cute how NBC needs to know if it's now super duper, 100% guaranteed, absolutely secure? Because then if a single migrant cross the Rio Grande, they bitch that that's a gigantic failure. Never mind the Biden years. They never bother to even look south. when the border was as loose as Joe's bowels. And that's loose.

Nope, Dems moved in lockstep, claiming the border was secure while millions of illegals poured into the country. As they told us, it was no problem at all. Just like gain of function. The Biden administration and Fauci funded it across the world, including the Wuhan Lab, all while calling the Lab League theory racist. Open borders and gain of function are both dangerous,

nation-altering ideas. In retrospect, it seems so obvious. But it took someone with the balls to finally make a change, and he doesn't even compete in women's sports. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show ad-free on the Amazon Music app. This is Jason Chaffetz from the Jason in the House podcast. Join me every Monday to dive deeper into the latest political headlines,

chat with remarkable guests. Listen and follow now at foxnewspodcast.com or wherever you download podcasts.